 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. It was in a bunch of grapes, where, indeed, you have a delight to sit, have you not? Froth, I have so, because it is an open room and good for winter. Clown, why, very well, then, I hope here be truths. Measure for measure. Five days after the death of Raffles, Mr. Bambridge was standing at his leisure under the large archway leading into the yard of the Green Dragon. He was not fond of solitary contemplation, but he had only just come out of the house, and any human figure standing at ease under the archway in the early afternoon was as certain to attract companionship as a pigeon which has found something worth peeking at. In this case there was no material object to feed upon, but the eye of reason saw probability of mental sustenance in the shape of gossip. Mr. Hopkins, the meek-mannered draper opposite, was the first to act on this inward vision, being the more ambitious of a little masculine talk, because his customers were chiefly women. Mr. Bambridge was rather curt to the draper, feeling that Hopkins was of course glad to talk to him, but that he was not going to waste much of his talk on Hopkins. Soon, however, there was a small cluster of more important listeners, who were either deposited from the passers-by, or had sauntered to the spot expressly to see if there were anything going on at the Green Dragon, and Mr. Bambridge was finding it worth his while to say many impressive things about the fine studs he had been seeing and the purchases he had made on a journey in the north from which he had just returned. Gentlemen present were assured that when they could show him anything to cut out a blood mare, a bay rising for, which was to be seen at Doncaster if they chose to go and look at it, Mr. Bambridge would gratify them by being shot from here to Hereford. Also, a pair of blacks, which he was going to put into the break, recalled vividly to his mind a pair which he had sold to Faulkner in nineteen for a hundred guineas, and which Faulkner had sold for a hundred and sixty two months later. Any agent who could disprove this statement being offered the privilege of calling Mr. Bambridge a very ugly name until the exercise made his throat dry. When the discourse was at this point of animation came up Mr. Frank Holly. He was not a man to compromise his dignity by lounging at the Green Dragon, but happening to pass along the high street and seeing Bambridge on the other side, he took some of his long strides across to ask the horse dealer whether he had found the first-rate gig horse which he had engaged to look for. Mr. Holly was requested to wait until he had seen a grey selected at Bilkley if that did not meet his wishes to a hair. Bambridge did not know a horse when he saw it, which seemed to be the highest conceivable likelihood. Mr. Holly, standing with his back to the street, was fixing a time for looking at the grey and seeing it tried when a horseman passed slowly by. At Bilkley, he said two or three voices at once in a low tone, one of them, which was the draper's, respectfully prefixing the Mr., but nobody having more intention in this interjectural naming than if they had said, The Riverstone Coach, when that vehicle appeared in the distance. Mr. Holly gave a clearless glance round at Bilkley's back, but as Bambridge's eyes followed it he made a sarcastic grimace. Why, Jingo, that reminds me," he began, lowering his voice a little. I picked up something else at Bilkley besides your gig horse, Mr. Holly. I picked up a fine story about Bulstrode. Do you know how he came by his fortune? Any gentleman wanting a bit of curious information, I can give it to him free of expense. If everybody got their desserts, Bulstrode might have had to say his prayers at Botany Bay. What do you mean?" said Mr. Holly, thrusting his hands into his pockets and pushing a little forward under the archway. If Bulstrode should turn out to be a rascal, Frank Holly had a prophetic soul. I had it from a party who was an old chum of Bulstrode's. I'll tell you where I first picked him up, that Bambridge with a sudden gesture of his forefinger. He was at largest sale, but I knew nothing of him then. He slipped through my fingers, was after Bulstrode, no doubt. He tells me he can tap Bulstrode to any amount. Knows all his secrets. However, you blabbed to me at Bilkley. He takes his stiff glass. Damn if I think he meant to turn King's evidence, but he's that sort of braggant fellow. The braggant runs overhead and ditch with him till he'd brag of a spavin as if it had fetched money. A man should know when to pull up. Mr. Bambridge made this remark with an air of disgust, satisfied that his own bragging should have a fine sense of the marketable. What's the man's name, and where can he be found? said Mr. Holly. As to where he used to be phoned, I left him at the Tsar's son's head, but his name is Raffles. Raffles? exclaimed Mr. Hopkins. I furnished his funeral yesterday. He was buried at Loic. Mr. Bulstrode followed him. Very decent funeral. There was a strong sensation among the listeners. Mr. Bambridge gave an ejaculation in which Brimstone was the mildest word, and Mr. Holly, knitting his brows and bending his head forward, exclaimed what? Where did the man die? At Stonecourt? said the draper. The housekeeper said he was a relation of the masters. He came there ill on Friday. Why, it was on Wednesday I took a glass with him, interposed Bambridge. Didn't any doctor attend him? said Mr. Holly. Yes, Mr. Lidgate. Mr. Bulstrode sat up with him one night. He died the third morning. Go on, Bambridge, said Mr. Holly insistently. What did this fellow say about Bulstrode? The group had already become larger. The town clerk's presence being a guarantee that something worth listening to was going on there, and Mr. Bambridge delivered his narrative in the hearing of seven. It was mainly what we know, including the fact about Will Ladislaw, with some local colour added, it was what Bulstrode had dreaded the betrayal of, and hoped to have buried forever with the corpse of Raffles. It was that haunting ghost of his earlier life, which, as he rode past the archway of the Green Dragon, he was trusting that Providence had delivered him from. Yes, Providence. He had not confessed to himself yet that he had done anything in the way of contrivance to this end. He had accepted what seemed to have been offered. It was impossible to prove that he had done anything which hastened the departure of that man's soul. But this gossip about Bulstrode spread through Middlemarch like the smell of fire. Mr. Frank Holly followed up his information by sending a clerk whom he could trust to Stone Court on a pretext of inquiring about hay, but really to gather all that could be learned about Raffles and his illness from Mrs. Abel. In this way it came to his knowledge that Mr. Garth had carried the man to Stone Court in his gig, and Mr. Holly, in consequence, took an opportunity of seeing Caleb, calling at his office to ask whether he had time to undertake an arbitration if it were required, and then asking him, incidentally, about Raffles. Caleb was betrayed into no word injurious to Bulstrode beyond the fact which he was forced to admit that he had given up acting for him within the last week. Mr. Holly drew his references, and feeling convinced that Raffles had told his story to Garth, and that Garth had given up Bulstrode's affairs in consequence, said so a few hours later to Mr. Toller. The statement was passed on until it had quite lost the stamp of an inference, and was taken as information coming straight from Garth, so that even a diligent historian might have concluded Caleb to be the chief publisher of Bulstrode's misdemeanours. Mr. Holly was not slow to perceive that there was no handle for the law either in the revelations made by Raffles or in the circumstances of his death. He had himself ridden to Lowick Village that he might look at the register and talk over the whole matter with Mr. Fairbrother, who was not more surprised than the lawyer that an ugly secret should have come to light about Bulstrode, though he had always had justice enough in him to hinder his antipathy from turning into conclusions. But while they were talking, another combination was silently going forward in Mr. Fairbrother's mind, which foreshadowed what was soon to be loudly spoken of in Middlemarch as a necessary putting of two and two together. With the reasons which kept Bulstrode in dread of Raffles, there flashed the thought that the dread might have something to do with his munificence towards his medical man, and though he resisted the suggestion that it had been consciously accepted in any way as a bribe, he had a foreboding that this complication of things might be of malignant effect on Lincate's reputation. He perceived that Mr. Holly knew nothing at present of the sudden relief from debt, and he himself was careful to glide away from all approaches toward the subject. Well, he said, with a deep breath, wanting to wind up the illimitable discussion of what it might have been, though nothing could be legally proven. It is a strange story. So our mercurial ladderslaw has a queer genealogy. I, spirited young lady, in a musical Polish patrie had made a likely enough stock for him to spring from, but I should never have suspected a grafting of the Jew pawnbroker. However, there's no knowing what a mixture will turn out beforehand. Some sorts of dirt serve to clarify. It's just what I should have expected, said Mr. Holly, mounting his horse, any cursed alien blood, Jew, Corsican, or Gypsy. I know he's one of your black sheep, Holly, but he is really a disinterested, unwirly fellow. Said Fairbrother, smiling, Aye, aye, that is your wiggish twist. Said Mr. Holly, who had been in the habit of saying, apologetically, that Fairbrother was such a damned, pleasant, good-hearted fellow, you would mistake him for a tory. Mr. Holly rode home without thinking of Lidgate's attendance on raffles in any other light than as a piece of evidence on the side of Bulstrode. But the news that Lidgate had all at once become able not only to get rid of the execution in his house, but to pay all his debts in Middlemarch was spreading fast, gathering rounded conjectures and comments which gave it new body and impetus, and soon filling the ears of other persons besides Mr. Holly, who were not slow to see a significant relation between this sudden command of money and Bulstrode's desire to stifle the scandal of raffles. That the money came from Bulstrode would infallibly have been guessed, even if there had been no direct evidence of it, for it had beforehand entered into the gossip about Lidgate's affairs, that neither his father-in-law nor his own family would do anything for him, and direct evidence was furnished not only by a clerk at the bank, but by innocent Mrs. Bulstrode herself, who mentioned the loan to Mrs. Plimdale, who mentioned it to her daughter-in-law of the House of Taller, who mentioned it generally. The business was felt to be so public and important that it required dinners to feed it, and many invitations were just then issued and accepted on the strength of this scandal concerning Bulstrode and Lidgate. Wives, widows and single ladies took their work and went out to tea oftener than usual, and all public conviviality from the green dragon to dollops gathered a zest which could not be won from the question whether the lords would throw out the reform bill. For hardly anybody doubted that some scandalous reason or other was at the bottom of Bulstrode's liberality to Lidgate, Mr. Hawley indeed, in the first instance, invited a select party, including the two physicians, with Mr. Taller and Mr. Wrench, expressly to hold a close discussion as to the probabilities of Raffles's illness, residing to them all the particulars that the death was due to delirium, tremens, and the medical gentlemen, who all stood undisturbedly on the old paths in relation to this disease, declared that they could see nothing in these particulars which could be transformed into a positive ground of suspicion. But the moral grounds of suspicion remained. The strong motives Bulstrode clearly had for wishing to be rid of Raffles, and the fact that at this critical moment he had given Lidgate the help which he must, for some time, have known the need for, the disposition moreover to believe that Bulstrode would be unscrupulous, and the absence of any indisposition to believe that Lidgate might be as easily bribed as other haughty-minded men when they have found themselves in want of money, even if the money had been given merely to make him hold his tongue about the scandal of Bulstrode's earlier life, the fact through an odious light on Lidgate, who had long been sneered at as making himself subservient to the banker for the sake of working himself into predominance, and discrediting the elder members of his profession. Hence, in spite of the negative as to any direct sign of guilt in relation to the death at Stone Court, Mr. Holly's select party broke up with the sense that the affair had an ugly look. But this vague conviction of indeterminable guilt, which was enough to keep up as much head shaking and biting innuendo even among substantial professional seniors, had, for the general mind, all the superior power of mystery over fact. Everybody liked better to conjecture how the thing was than simply to know it, for conjecture soon became more confident than knowledge, and had a more liberal allowance for the incompatible. Even the more definite scandal concerning Bulstrode's earlier life was, for some minds, melted into the mass of mystery as so much lively metal to be poured out in dialogue and to take such fantastic shapes as heaven pleased. This was the tone of thought chiefly sanctioned by Mrs. Dollop, the spirited landlady of the tankard in Slaughter Lane, who had often, to resist the shallow pragmatism of customers, disposed to think that their reports from the outer world were of equal force with what had come up in her mind. How it had been brought to her she didn't know, but it was there before her as if it had been scored with a chalk on the chimney board. Bulstrode should say, he is inside that black as if the hairs of his head showed the thoughts of his heart. He'd tear him up by the roots. That's odd, said Mrs. Dollop, a meditative shoemaker with weak eyes and a piping voice. Why, I read in the trumpet, that was what the Duke of Wellington said when he turned his coat and went over to the Romans. Very like, said Mrs. Dollop, if one rascal said it, it's more reason why another should, but hypocrect as he's been in olden things with that eye and, as there was no person in the country good enough for him, he was forced to take Old Ari into his council, and Old Ari's been too many for him. Aye, aye, he's accomplice. You can't send him the country," said Mr. Kraub, the glazier, who gathered much news and groped among it dimly. But what I can't make out is there's them, says Bulstrode, was for running away, fear of being found out before now. He'll be drove away, whether or not know, that Mr. Dill, the barber, who had just dropped in. I shaved Fletcher, all these clerk this morning, he's got a bad finger, and he says they're all of one mind to get rid of Bulstrode. Mr. Thessiger has turned against him, and wants him out of the parish, and his gentleman in this town says they'd just seen dying with a fellow from the Alks, and a deal sooner I would, says Fletcher, but what's more against one's stomach than a man coming and making one's self-bad company, with his religion and given out as the Ten Commandments were not enough for him, and all the while he's worse than half the men at the treadmill, Fletcher said so himself. It'll be a bad thing for the town though, if Bulstrode's money gets out of it, said Mr. Limp, quaveringly. Ah, there's better folks spend their money worse, said a firm-voiced dyer, whose crimson hands looked out of keeping with his good-natured face. But he won't keep his money by what I can make out, said the glazier. Don't they say if there's somebody who can strip it off him? By what I can understand, they could take every penny off him if they went to law-in. No such thing, said the barber, who fells himself a little above his company and dollops, but liked it none the worse. Fletcher says it's no such thing. He says they might prove over and over again whose child this young land's law was, and they'd do no more than if they proved I came out of the fence. He couldn't dodge a penny. Look you there, no! said Mrs. Dullop indignantly. I thank the lord he took my children to himself, if that's all the law can do for the motherless. Then, by what it's no use of your father and motheries, but as to listening, and what one lawyer says without asking another, I wonder, Amari, your cleverness, Mr. Dill. It's well known there's always two sides. If no more, else who'd go to law? I should like to know. It's a poor tale with all the laws there is up and down, and it was no use proving whose child you are. Fletcher may say the act if he likes, but I say don't you Fletcher me! Mr. Dill affected to laugh in a complementary way at Mrs. Dullop, as a woman who was more than a match for the lawyers, being disposed to submit to too much tweeting from a landlady who had a long score against him. If they come to law, and it's all true, as folks say, there's more to be looked to, nor money, said the Glacier. There's this poor creature is dead and gone, by what I can make out. He's seen the day when he was a deal-finer gentleman, nor Balstrode. What a gentleman I'll warrant him, said Mrs. Dullop, and a far personable o' man, by what I can hear. As I said, when Mr. Baldwin, the tax-gatherer, comes in a stand, and where you sit, and says Balstrode got all his money, as he brought into this town by the Units Woodland, I said, you don't make me no wiser, Mr. Baldwin, it set my blood a-creepin' to look at him. When the year he came into Sotelain, a wanton to buy the house over my head, folks don't look to colour a dough-tub and stare at yous if they wanted to see into your backbone for nothing. That was what I said, and Mr. Baldwin, compare me, witness. And in the rites of it, too, said Mr. Crab, for by what I can make out, there's raffles, as they call, and was a lusty, fresh-coloured man, as you'd wish to see. And the best of company, though dirty lies in low-charge, sure enough, but what I can understand, there's them knows more than they should know about how he got there. I'll believe you," said Mrs. Dollop with a touch of scornot, Mr. Crab's apparent dimness. When a man's been ticed to a lone house, and there's them that can pay for hospitals and nurses for at the countryside, choose to be sit-as-up night and day, and nobody come near but a doctor as is known to stick at nothing as poor as he can hang together, and after that, so flush of money, he can pay off Mr. Biles the butcher, his bill, that's been running for the best of joints, since last Mikomas was a twelfth month. I don't want anybody to come and tell me there's been more going on than the prayer-books got a service for. I don't want to stand winking and blinking and thinking." Mrs. Dollop looked round with the air of a landlady accustomed to dominate her company. There was a chorus of adhesion from the more courageous, but Mr. Limp, after taking a draught, placed his flat hands together and pressed them hard between his knees, looking down at them with blear-eyed contemplation, as if the scorching power of Mrs. Dollop's speech had quite dried up and nullified his wits, until they could be brought round again by further moisture. Why shouldn't they dig the man up and have the crowner? said the dyer. It's been done many and many at the time. If there has been foul play they might find it out. Not they, Mr. Jonas, said Mrs. Dollop emphatically. I know what doctors are. They are a deal too cunning to be found out, and this doctor Litcate, that's been for cutting up everybody before the breath as well after their body, is plain enough what use he wanted to make of looking into respectable people's insides. He knows drugs, he may be sure, as you can neither smell nor see, neither before they're swallowed nor after. Why, I've seen drops myself ordered by Dr. Gambit, as is our club doctor and a good character, and has brought more live children into the world nor ever another in middle-march. I say, I've seen drops myself as made no difference whether they was in the glass or out, and yet have gripped you the next day, so I'll leave your own sense to Judd. Don't tell me all I say is it's a mercy they didn't take this doctor Litcate onto our club, as many of mother's child might have rude it. The heads of this discussion at Dollop's had been the common theme among all classes in the town, had been carried to Loick parsonage on one side and to Tipton Grange on the other, had come fully to the ears of the Vincy family and had been discussed with sad reference to poor Harriet by Almes's bullstrud's friends, before Litcate knew distinctly why people were looking strangely at him, and before Bullstrud himself suspected the betrayal of his secrets. He had not been accustomed to very cordial relations with his neighbours, and hence he could not miss the signs of cordiality. Moreover, he had been taking journeys on business of various kinds, having now made up his mind that he need not quit middle-march, and feeling able consequently to determine on matters which he had before left in suspense. We will make a journey to Cheltenham in the course of a month or two, he had said to his wife, there are great spiritual advantages to be had in that town, along with the air and the waters, and six weeks there will be eminently refreshing to us. He really believed in the spiritual advantages, and meant that his life henceforth should be the more devoted because of those latter sins which he represented to himself as hypothetical, praying hypothetically for their pardon, if I have herein transgressed. As to the hospital, he avoided saying anything further to Litcate, fearing to manifest a too sudden change of plans immediately on the death of Raffles. In his secret soul he believed that Litcate suspected his orders to have been intentionally disobeyed, and in suspecting this he must also suspect a motive. But nothing had been betrayed to him as to the history of Raffles, and Bulstrode was anxious not to do anything which would give emphasis to his undefined suspicions. As to any certainty that a particular method of treatment would either save or kill, Litcate himself was constantly arguing against such dogmatism. He had no right to speak, and he had every motive for being silent. Hence Bulstrode felt himself providentially secured. The only incident he had strongly winced under had been an occasional encounter with Caleb Garth, who, however, had raised his hat with mild gravity. Meanwhile, on the part of the principal townsman, a strong determination was growing against him. A meeting was to be held in the town hall on a sanitary question which had risen into pressing importance by the occurrence of a cholera case in the town. Since the act of parliament, which had been hurriedly passed, authorizing assessments for sanitary measures, there had been a board for the superintendents of such measures, appointed in middle-march, and much cleansing and preparation had been concurred by wigs and tories. The question now was whether a piece of ground outside the town should be secured as a burial ground by means of assessment or by private subscription. The meeting was to be open, and almost everybody of importance in the town was expected to be there. Mr. Bulstrode was a member of the board, and just before twelve o'clock he started from the bank with the intention of urging the plan of private subscription. Under the hesitation of his projects he had, for some time, kept himself in the background, and he felt that he should, this morning, resume his old position as a man of action and influence in the public affairs of the town where he expected to end his days. Among the various persons going in the same direction he saw Lidgate. They joined, talked over the object of the meeting, and entered it together. It seemed that everybody of Mark had been earlier than they, but there were still spaces left near the head of the large central table, and they made their way thither. Mr. Fairbrothers sat opposite, not far from Mr. Hawley. All the medical men were there. Mr. Thessiger was in the chair, and Mr. Brook of Tipton on his right hand. Lidgate noticed a peculiar interchange of glances when he and Bulstrode took their seats. After the business had been fully opened by the chairman, who pointed out the advantages of purchasing by subscription, a piece of ground large enough to be ultimately used as a general cemetery, Mr. Bulstrode, whose rather high-pitched but subdued and fluent voice the town was used to at meetings of this sort, rose and asked to leave to deliver his opinion. Lidgate could see again the particular interchange of glances before Mr. Hawley started up and said in his firm, resonant voice, Mr. Chairman, I request that before anyone delivers his opinion on this point, I may be permitted to speak on a question of public feeling, which not only by myself, but by many gentlemen present is regarded as preliminary. Mr. Hawley's mode of speech, even when public decorum oppressed his awful language, was formidable in its curtness and self-possession. Mr. Thessiger sanctioned the request, and Mr. Bulstrode sat down, and Mr. Hawley continued. In what I have to say, Mr. Chairman, I am not speaking simply on my own behalf. I am speaking with the concurrence and at the express request of no fewer than eight of my fellow townsmen who are immediately around us. It is our united sentiment that Mr. Bulstrode should be called upon, and I do now call upon him, to resign public positions which he holds not simply as a taxpayer, but as a gentleman among gentlemen. There are practices, and there are acts, which, owing to circumstances, law cannot visit, though they may be worse than many things which are legally punishable. Honest men and gentlemen, if they don't want the company of people who perpetrate such acts, have got to defend themselves as best they can, and that is what I and the friends whom I call my clients in this affair are determined to do. I don't say that Mr. Bulstrode has been guilty of shameful acts, but I call upon him, either publicly, to deny and confute the scandalous statements made against him by a man, now dead, and who died in his house, the statements that he was for many years engaged in nefarious practices and that he won his fortune by dishonest procedures, or else to withdraw from positions which could only have been allowed him as a gentleman among gentlemen. All eyes in the room were turned on Mr. Bulstrode, who, since the first mention of his name, had been going through a crisis of feeling almost too violent for his delicate frame to support. Lidgate, who himself was undergoing a shock, as from the terrible, practical interpretation of some faint augury, felt, nevertheless, that his own movement of resentful hatred was checked by that instinct of the healer, which thinks first of bringing rescue or relief to the sufferer, when he looked at the shrunken misery of Bulstrode's livid face. The quick vision that his life was, after all, a failure, that he was a dishonored man and must quail before the glance of those towards whom he had habitually assumed the aptitude of a reprover, that God had disowned him before men and left him unscreened to the triumphant scorn of those who were glad to have their hatred justified, the sense of utter futility in that equivocation with his conscience in dealing with the life of his accomplice, an equivocation which now turned venomously upon him with the full-grown fang of a discovered lie, all this rushed through him like the agony of terror which fails to kill and leaves the ear still open to the returning wave of execration. The sudden sense of exposure after the re-established sense of safety came, not to the coarse organization of a criminal, but to the susceptible nerve of a man whose intensest being lay in such mastery and predominance as the conditions of his life had shaped for him. But in that intense being lay the strength of reaction. Through all his bodily infirmity there ran a tenacious nerve of ambitious self-preserving will which had continuously leaped out like a flame, scattering all doctrinal fears, and which, even while he sat an object of compassion for the merciful, was beginning to stir and glow under his atty paleness. Before the last words were out of Mr. Holly's mouth, Bulstrode felt that he should answer, and that his answer should be a retort. He dared not get up and say, I am not guilty, the whole story is false. Even if he had dared this, it would have seemed to him under his present keen sense of betrayal, as vain as to Paul for covering his nakedness a frail rag which would rend at every little strain. For a few moments there was total silence, while every man in the room was looking at Bulstrode. He sat perfectly still, leaning hard against the back of his chair. He could not venture to rise, and when he began to speak he pressed his hands upon the seat on each side of him, but his voice was perfectly audible, though harsher than usual, and his words were distinctly pronounced, though he paused between sentences as if short of breath. He said, turning first toward Mr. Thessiger, and then looking at Mr. Holly, I protest before you, sir, as a Christian minister, against the sanctions of proceedings towards me, which are dictated by virulent hatred. Those who are hostile to me are glad to believe any libel uttered by a loose tongue against me, and their consciences become strict against me. I say that the evil speaking, of which I am to be made the victim, accuses me of malpractices. Here Bulstrode's voice rose, and took on a more biting accent, till it seemed a low cry. Who shall be my accuser? Not men whose own lives are on Christian, nay, scandalous. Not men who themselves who use low instruments to carry out their ends, whose profession is a tissue of chicanery, who have been spending their income on their own sensual enjoyments, while I have been devoting mine to advance the best objects with regard to this life in the next? After the word chicanery there was a growing noise, half of murmurs and half of hisses, while four persons started up at once. Mr. Holly, Mr. Toller, Mr. Chichley, and Mr. Hackbutt, that Mr. Holly's outburst was instantaneous, and left the others behind in silence. If you mean me, sir, I call on you and everyone else to the inspection of my professional life. As to Christian or un-Christian, I repudiate your canting, palavering Christianity, and as to the way in which I spend my income, it is not my principle to maintain thieves and cheat offspring of their due inheritance in order to support religion and set myself up as a saintly killjoy. I affect no niceness of conscience. I have not found any nice standards necessary yet to measure your actions by, sir, and I again call upon you to enter into satisfactory explanations concerning the scandals against you, or else to withdraw from posts in which we at any rate decline you as a colleague. I say, sir, we decline to cooperate with a man whose character is not cleared from infamous lights cast upon it, not only by reports, but by recent actions. Allow me, Mr. Holly," said the chairman, and Mr. Holly, still fuming, bowed half impatiently and sat down with his hands thrust deep in his pockets. It is not desirable, I think, to prolong the present discussion, said Mr. Thessager turning to the pallid, trembling man. I must so far concur with what has fallen from Mr. Holly in expression of general feeling as to think it due to your Christian profession that you should clear yourself, if possible, from unhappy aspersions. I, for my part, should be willing to give you full opportunity in hearing, but I must say that your present attitude is painfully inconsistent with those principles which you have sought to identify yourself with, and for the honour of which I am bound to care. I recommend you at present, as your clergyman, and as one who hopes for your reinstatement in respect, to quit the room and avoid further hindrance to business. Mr. Bulstrode, after a moment's hesitation, took his hat from the floor and slowly rose, but he grasped the corner of the chair so totteringly that Lidgate felt sure there was not strength enough in him to walk away without support. What could he do? He could not see a man sink close to him for want of help. He rose and gave his arm to Bulstrode, and in that way laid him out of the room. Yet this act, which might have been one of gentle duty and pure compassion, was at this moment unspeakably bitter to him. It seemed as if he were putting his sign manual to that association of himself with Bulstrode, of which he now saw the full meaning as it must have presented itself to other minds. He now felt the conviction that this man, who was leaning tremblingly on his arm, had given him the thousand pounds as a bribe, and that somehow the treatment of raffles had been tampered with from an evil motive. The inferences were closely linked enough. The town knew of the loan, believed it to be a bribe, and believed that he took it as a bribe. Poor Lidgate, his mind struggling under the terrible clutch of this revelation, was all the while morally forced to take Mr. Bulstrode to the bank, send a man off for his carriage, and wait to accompany him home. Meanwhile the business of the meeting was dispatched, and fringed off into eager discussion among various groups concerning this affair of Bulstrode and Lidgate. Mr. Brook, who had before heard only imperfect hints of it, and was very uneasy that he had gone a little too far in countenancing Bulstrode, now got himself fully informed, and felt some benevolent sadness in talking to Mr. Fairbrother about the ugly light in which Lidgate had come to be regarded. Mr. Fairbrother was going to walk back to Loic. Step into my carriage, said Mr. Brook. I am going round to see Mrs. Casabon. She was come back to Yorkshire last night. She would like to see me, you know." So they drove along. Mr. Brook chatting with good-natured hope that there had not really been anything black in Lidgate's behaviour, a young fellow whom he had seemed to be quite above the common mark, when he brought a letter from his uncle Sir Godwin. Mr. Fairbrother said little. He was deeply mournful. With the keen perception of human weakness, he could not be confident that under the pressure of humiliating needs Lidgate had not fallen below himself. When the carriage drove up to the gate of the manor, Dorothea was out on the gravel, and came to greet them. Well, my dear," said Mr. Brook, we have just come from a meeting, a sanitary meeting, you know. Was Mr. Lidgate there? said Dorothea, who looked full of health and animation, and stood with her head bare under the gleaming April lights. I want to see him, and have a great consultation with him about the hospital. I have engaged with Mr. Bolstrode to do so. Oh, my dear," said Mr. Brook, we have been hearing bad news, bad news, you know. They walked through the garden towards the churchyard gate, Mr. Fairbrother wanting to go on to the parsonage, and Dorothea heard the whole sad story. She listened with deep interest and begged here twice over the facts and impressions concerning Lidgate. After a short silence, pausing at the churchyard gate and addressing Mr. Fairbrother, she said energetically, you don't believe that Mr. Lidgate is guilty of anything base? I will not believe it. Let us find out the truth and clear him. End of Chapter 71 End of Book 7 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Middle March By George Elliott As Reg for LibriVox By Madame Tusk www.rlowalrus.citesled.com Book 8 Sunset and Sunrise Chapter 72 All souls are double-nears, making still an endless vista of fair things before, repeating things behind. Dorothea's impetuous generosity, which would have leaped at once to the vindication of Lidgate from the suspicion of having accepted money as a bribe, underwent a melancholy check when she came to consider all the circumstances of the case by the light of Mr. Fairbrother's experience. It was a delicate matter to touch, he said. How can we begin to inquire into it? It must be either publicly by setting the magistrate and coroner to work, or privately by questioning Lidgate. As to the first proceeding, there is no solid ground to go upon, else wholly would have adopted it. And as to opening the subject with Lidgate, I confess I should shrink from it. He would probably take it as a deadly insult. Dorothea experienced the difficulty of speaking to him on personal matters, and one should know the truth about his conduct beforehand to feel very confident of a good result. I feel convinced that his conduct has not been guilty. I believe that people are almost always better than their neighbours think they are, said Dorothea. Some of her intense experience in the last two years had set her mind strongly in opposition to any unfavourable construction of others, and for the first time she felt rather discontented with Mr. Fairbrother. She disliked this cautious weighing of consequences instead of an ardent faith in efforts of justice and mercy, which would conquer by their emotional force. Two days afterwards he was dining at the manor with her uncle in the Chathams, and when dessert was standing and eating, the servants were out of the room, and Mr. Brook was nodding in a nap, she returned to the subject with renewed vivacity. Lidgate would understand that if his friends hear a calamity about him, their first wish must be to justify him. What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult to each other? I cannot be indifferent to the troubles of a man who advised me in my trouble and attended me in my illness. Dorothea's tone and manner were not more energetic than they had been when she was at the head of her uncle's table nearly three years before, and her experience since had given her more right to express a decided opinion. But Sir James Chedham was no longer the dividend and acquiescent suitor. He was the anxious brother-in-law with a devout admiration for his sister, but with a constant alarm that she should fall under some new illusion almost as bad as marrying Casabon. He smiled much less when he said, exactly. It was more often an introduction to a dissident opinion than in those submissive bachelor days, and Dorothea found to her surprise that she had to resolve not to be afraid of him, although more because he was really her best friend. He disagreed with her now. But Dorothea, he said remonstrantly, you can't undertake to manage a man's life for him in that way. Litgate must know. At least he will soon come to know how he stands. If he can clear himself, he will. He must act for himself. I think his friends must wait till they find an opportunity, had it, Mr. Fairbrother. It is possible, I have often felt so much weakness in myself, that I can conceive even a man of honourable disposition, such as I have always believed Litgate to be, so coming to such a temptation as that of accepting money, which was offered more or less indirectly as a bribe to ensure his silence about scandalous facts long gone by, I say I can conceive this, if he were under the pressure of hard circumstances, if he had been harassed, as I feel sure Litgate has been. I would not believe anything worse of him, except under stringent proof, but there is the terrible nemesis following on some errors, that it is always possible for those who like it to interpret them into a crime. There is no proof in favour of the man outside his own consciousness and assertion. Oh! how cruel! said Dorothea, clasping her hands, and would you not like to be the one person who believed in that man's innocence, if the rest of the world belied him? Besides, there is a man's character beforehand to speak for him. But my deems is casabon, said Mr. Fairbrother, smiling gently at her ardour. Character is not caught in marble. It is not something solid and unalterable. It is something living and changing, and may become diseased, as our bodies do. Then it may be rescued and healed, said Dorothea. I should not be afraid of asking Mr. Litgate to tell me the truth, that I might help him. Why should I be afraid? Now that I am not to have the land, James, I might do as Mr. Booster proposed, and take his place in providing for the hospital. And I have to consult Mr. Litgate to know thoroughly what are the prospects of doing good by keeping up the present plans. There is the best opportunity in the world for me to ask for his confidence, and he would be able to tell me things which might make all the circumstances clear. Then we would all stand by him and bring him out of his trouble. People glorify all sorts of bravery, except the bravery they might show on behalf of their nearest neighbours. Dorothea's eyes had a moist brightness in them, and the change to tones of her voice roused her uncle, who began to listen. It is true that a woman may venture on some efforts of sympathy, which would hardly succeed if we men undertook them, said Mr. Fairbrother, almost converted by Dorothea's ardour. Surely a woman is bound to be cautious, and listen to those who know the world better than she does, said Sir James with his little frown. Whatever you do in the end, Dorothea, you should really keep back at present, and not volunteer any meddling with this bolstered business. We don't know yet what may turn up. You must agree with me." He ended, looking at Mr. Fairbrother. I do think it would be better to wait, said the latter. Yes, yes, my dear, said Mr. Brook, not quite knowing yet what point the discussion had arrived, but coming up to it with a contribution which was generally appropriate. It is easy to go too far, you know. You must not let your ideas run away with you, and as to being in a hurry to put your money into schemes it won't do, you know. Gareth has drawn me in uncommonly, with repairs and draining that sort of thing, I'm uncommonly out of pocket with one thing or another. I must pull up, as for you, Chatham, you are spending a fortune on those oak fences round your domain. Dorothea, submitting uneasily to this discouragement, went with Siria into the library, which was her usual drawing-room. Now, Dodo, do listen to what James says. Said Siria, else you will be getting into a scrape. You always did, and you always will, when you said about doing as you please. And I think it is a mercy, now, after all that you have got James to think for you. He lets you have your plans, only he hinders you from being taken in. And that is the good of having your brother instead of a husband. A husband would not let you have your plans. As if I wanted a husband! said Dorothea, I only want not to have my feelings checked at every turn. Mrs. Casabon was still undisciplined enough to burst into angry tears. Not really, Dodo, said Siria, with rather a deeper guttural than usual. You are contradictory, first one thing and then another. You used to submit to Mr. Casabon quite shamefully. I think you would have given up ever coming to see me if he had asked you. Of course I submitted to him, because it was my duty. It was my feeling for him. Said Dorothea, looking through the prism of her tears. Then why can't you think it your duty to submit a little to what James wishes? Said Siria, with a sense of stringency in her argument, because he only wishes what is for your own good, and of course men know best about everything, except what women know better. Dorothea laughed and forgot her tears. But I mean about babies and those things. Explain Siria, I should not give up to James when I knew he was wrong, as you used to do to Mr. Casabon. End of Chapter 72 Chapter 73 of Middle March This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Red Abrace Middle March by George Elliott Chapter 73 Pity the laden one. This wandering woe may visit you and me. When Lidgate had allied Mrs. Bullshroed's anxiety by telling her that her husband had been seized with faintness at the meeting, but that he trusted soon to see him better and would call again the next day, unless she sent for him earlier, he went directly home, got on his horse and rode three miles out of the town for the sake of being out of reach. He felt himself becoming violent and unreasonable as if raging under the pain of stings. He was ready to curse the day on which he had come to Middle March. Everything that had happened to him there seemed a mere preparation for this hateful fatality which had come as a blight on his honorable ambition and must make even people who had only vulgar standards regard his reputation as irrevocably damaged. In such moments a man can hardly escape being unloving. Lidgate thought of himself as the sufferer and of others as the agents who had endured his lot. He had meant everything to turn out differently and others had thrust themselves into his life and thwarted his purposes. His marriage seemed an unmitigated calamity and he was afraid of going to Rosamund before he had vented himself in this solitary rage lest the mere sight of her should exasperate him and make him behave unwarrantably. There are episodes in most men's lives in which their highest qualities can only cast a dittering shadow over the objects that fill their inward vision. Lidgate's tender heartedness was present just then only as a dread lest he should offend against it, not as an emotion that swayed him to tenderness. For he was very miserable. Only those who know the supremacy of the intellectual life, the life which has a seed of ennobling thought and purpose within it, can understand the grief of one who falls from that serene activity into the absorbing soul-wasting struggle with worldly annoyances. How was he to live on without vindicating himself among people who suspected him of baseness? How could he go silently away from Middle-March as if he were retreating before a just condemnation? And yet how was he to set about vindicating himself? For that scene at the meeting which he had just witnessed, although it had told him no particulars, had been enough to make his own situation thoroughly clear to him. Bullshod had been in dread of scandalous disclosures on the part of raffles. Lidgate could now construct all the probabilities of the case. He was afraid of some betrayal in my hearing. All he wanted was to bind me to him by a strong obligation. That was why he passed on a sudden from hardness to liberality. And he may have tampered with the patient. He may have disobeyed my orders. I fear he did. But whether he did or not, the world believes that he somehow or other poisoned the man and that I winked at the crime. If I didn't help in it. And yet. And yet he may not be guilty of the last offence, and it is just possible that the change towards me may have been a genuine relenting, the effect of second thoughts such as he alleged. What we call the just possible is sometimes true, and the thing we find it easier to believe is grossly false. In his last dealings with this man Bullshod may have kept his hands pure in spite of my suspicion to the contrary. There was a benumbing cruelty in his position, even if he renounced every other consideration than that of justifying himself. If he met shrugs, cold glances and avoidance as an accusation and made a public statement of all the facts as he knew them, who would be convinced? It would be playing the part of a fool to offer his own testimony on behalf of himself and say, I did not take the money as a bribe. The circumstances would always be stronger than his assertion, and besides to come forward and tell everything about himself must include declarations about Bullshod which would darken the suspicions of others against him. He must tell that he had not known of Raphael's existence when he first mentioned his pressing need of money to Bullshod, and that he took the money innocently as a result of that communication, not knowing that a new motive for the loan might have arisen on his being called into this man. And after all, the suspicion of Bullshod's motives might be unjust, but then came the question whether he should have acted in precisely the same way if he had not taken the money. Certainly, if Raphael's had continued alive and susceptible of further treatment when he arrived, and he had then imagined any disobedience to his orders on the part of Bullshod, he would have made a strict inquiry, and if his conjecture had been verified, he would have thrown up the case in spite of his recent heavy obligation. But if he had not received any money, if Bullshod had never revoked his cold recommendation of bankruptcy, would he let Gait have abstained from all inquiry even on finding the man dead? Would the shrinking from an insult to Bullshod, would the dubiousness of all medical treatment and the argument that his own treatment would pass for the wrong with most members of his profession, have had just the same force or significance with him? That was the uneasy corner of Litgate's consciousness while he was reviewing the facts and resisting all reproach. If he had been independent, this matter of a patient's treatment and the distinct rule that he must do or see done that which he believed best for the life committed to him would have been the point on which he would have been the sturdiest. As it was, he had rested in the consideration that disobedience to his orders, however it might have arisen, could not be considered a crime. That, in the dominant opinion, obedience to his orders was just as likely to be fatal and that the affair was simply one of etiquette. Whereas again and again in his time of freedom he had denounced the perversion of pathological doubt into moral doubt and had said, the purest experiment in treatment may still be conscientious. My business is to take care of life and to do the best I can think of for it. Science is properly more scrupulous than dogma. Dogma gives a character to mistake, but the very breath of science is a contest with mistake and must keep the conscience alive. Alas, the scientific conscience had got into the debasing company of money obligation and selfish respects. Is there a medical man of them all in middle-march who would question himself as I do? Said poor Litgate with a renewed outburst of rebellion against the oppression of his lot. And yet they will all feel warranted in making a wide space between me and them, as if I were a leper. My practice and my reputation are utterly damned. I can see that. Even if I could be cleared by valid evidence it would make little difference to the blessed world here. I have been set down as tainted and should be cheapened to them all the same. Already there had been abundant science which had hitherto puzzled him, that just when he had been paying off his debts and cheerfully on his feet the townsmen were avoiding him or looking strangely at him. And in two instances it came to his knowledge that patience of his had called in another practitioner. The reasons were too plain now. The general blackballing had begun. No wonder that in Litgate's energetic nature the sense of a hopeless misconstruction easily turned into a dogged resistance. The scowl which occasionally showed itself on his square brow was not a meaningless accident. Already when he was re-entering the town after that ride taken in the first hours of stinging pain he was setting his mind on remaining in middle-march in spite of the worst that could be done against him. He would not retreat before Kalumni, as if he submitted to it. He would face it to the utmost, and no act of his should so that he was afraid. It belonged to the generosity as well as defiant force of his nature that he resolved not to shrink from showing to the full his sense of obligation to Bulls Road. It was true that the association with this man had been fatal to him. True that if he had had the thousand pounds still in his hands with all his debts unpaid he would have returned the money to Bulls Road. And taken beggary rather than the rescue which had been sullied with the suspicion of a bribe. For he remember he was one of the proudest among the sons of men. Nevertheless he would not turn away from this crushed fellow mortal whose aid he had used and make a pitiful effort to get acquittal for himself by howling against another. I shall do as I think right and explain to nobody. They will try to starve me out, but he was going on with an obstinate resolve but he was getting near home and the thought of Rosamund urged itself again into that chief place from which it had been thrust by the agonized struggles of undead honor and pride. How would Rosamund take it all? Here was another weight of chain to drag and poor Lidgate was in a bad mood for bearing her dumb mastery. He had no impulse to tell her the trouble which must soon be common to them both. He preferred waiting for the incidental disclosure which events must soon bring about. End of Chapter 73. Recording by Red Abras. February 2008. Chapter 74 of Middle March. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Red Abras. Middle March by George Eliot. Chapter 74. Mercifully grant that we may grow aged together. Book of Tobit. Marriage Prayer. In Middle March a wife could not long remain ignorant that the town held a bad opinion of her husband. No feminine intimate might carry her friendship so far as to make a plain statement to the wife of the unpleasant fact known or believed about her husband. But when a woman with her thoughts much at leisure got them suddenly employed on something grievously disadvantageous to her neighbors, various moral impulses were called into play which tended to stimulate utterance. Candor was one. To be candid in Middle March Frazeology meant to use an early opportunity of letting your friends know that you did not take a cheerful view of their capacity, their conduct or their position and a robust candor never waited to be asked for its opinion. Then again there was the love of truth. A wide phrase but meaning in this relation a lively objection to seeing a wife look happier than her husband's character warranted or manifest too much satisfaction in her lot. The poor thing should have some hint given her that if she knew the truth she would have less complacency in her bonnet and in light dishes for a supper party. Stronger than all there was the regard for a friend's moral improvement sometimes called her soul which was likely to be benefited by remarks tending to gloom. Uttered with the accompaniment of pensive staring at the furniture and a manner implying that the speaker would not tell what was on her mind from regard to the feelings of her hearer. On the whole one might say that an ardent charity was at work setting the virtuous mind to make a neighbour unhappy for her good. There were hardly any wives in Middle March whose matrimonial misfortunes would in different ways be likely to call forth more of this moral activity than Rosamund and her aunt Bull's Road. Mrs. Bull's Road was not an object of dislike and had never consciously injured any human being. Men had always thought her a handsome comfortable woman and had reckoned it among the signs of Bull's Road's hypocrisy that he had chosen a red-blooded wincy instead of a ghastly and melancholy person suited to his low esteem for earthly pleasure. When the scandal about her husband was disclosed they remarked of her, ah poor woman, she is as honest as the day, she never suspected anything wrong in him, you may depend on it. Women who were intimate with her talked together much of poor Harriet, imagined what her feelings must be when she came to know everything and conjectured how much she had already come to know. There was no spiteful disposition towards her, rather there was a busy benevolence anxious to ascertain what it would be well for her to feel and do under the circumstances, which of course kept the imagination occupied with her character and history from the times when she was Harriet wincy till now. With the review of Mrs. Bull's Road and her position it was inevitable to associate Rosamond, whose prospects were under the same blight with her aunts. Rosamond was more severely criticised and less pitied, though she too as one of the good old wincy family who had always been known in middle-march was regarded as a victim to marriage with an interloper. The wincies had their weaknesses, but then they lay on the surface, there was never anything bad to be found out concerning them. Mrs. Bull's Road was vindicated from any resemblance to her husband, Harriet's faults were her own. She has always been showy, said Mrs. Hackbert, making tea for a small party. Though she has gotten to the way of putting her religion forward to conform to her husband, she has tried to hold her head up above middle-march by making it known that she invites clergymen and heaven knows who from Riverstone and those places. We can hardly blame her for that, said Mrs. Prague, because few of the best people in the town cared to associate with Bull's Road, and she must have somebody to sit down at her table. Mr. Theeseager has always countenanced him, said Mrs. Hackbert. I think he must be sorry now. But he was never fond of him in his heart, that everyone knows, said Mrs. Tomtaller. Mr. Theeseager never goes into extremes, he keeps to the truth in what is evangelical. It is only clergymen like Mr. Dike, who wanted to use dissenting hymn books and that low kind of religion, who ever found Bull's Road to their taste. I understand Mr. Dike is in great distress about him, said Mrs. Hackbert. And well, he may be. They say the Bull's Roads have half kept the Dike family. And of course, it is a discredit to his doctrines, said Mrs. Prague, who was elderly and old-fashioned in her opinions. People will not make a boast of being methodistical in middle-march for a good while to come. I think we must not set down people's bad actions to their religion, said Falcon-faced Mrs. Plimdale, who had been listening hitherto. Oh my dear, we are forgetting, said Mrs. Prague. We ought not to be talking of this before you. I am sure I have no reason to be partial, said Mrs. Plimdale, coloring. It is true, Mr. Plimdale has always been on good terms with Mr. Bull's Road. And Harriet Winsey was my friend long before she married him. But I have always kept my own opinions and told her where she was wrong, poor thing. Still, in point of religion, I must say Mr. Bull's Road might have done what he has, and worse, and yet have been a man of no religion. I don't say that there has not been a little too much of that. I like moderation myself. But truth is truth. The men tried at the Assises are not all over-religious, I suppose. Well, said Mrs. Hagbert, wheeling adroitly. All I can say is that I think she ought to separate from him. I can't say that, said Mrs. Prague. She took him for better or worse, you know. But worse can never mean finding out that your husband is fit for Newgate, said Mrs. Hagbert. Fancy living with such a man. I should expect to be poisoned. Yes, I think myself it is an encouragement to crime if such men are to be taken care of and waited on by good wives, said Mrs. Tom Tuller. And a good wife, poor Harriet, has been, said Mrs. Flimdale. She thinks her husband the first of men. It is true he has never denied her anything. Well, we shall see what she will do, said Mrs. Hagbert. I suppose she knows nothing yet, poor creature. I do hope and trust I shall not see her. For I should be frightened to death, lest I should say anything about her husband. Do you think any hint has reached her? I should hardly think so, said Mrs. Tom Tuller. We hear that he is ill and has never stirred out of the house since the meeting on Thursday. But she was with her girls at church yesterday and they had new Tuscan bunnets. Her own had a feather in it. I have never seen that her religion made any difference in her dress. She wears very neat pattern always, said Mrs. Flimdale, a little stung. And that feather I know, she got dyed a pale lavender on purpose to be consistent. I must say it of Harriet that she wishes to do right. As to her knowing what has happened, it can't be kept from her long, said Mrs. Hagbert. The wincy is known for Mr. Wincy was at the meeting. It will be a great blow to him. There is his daughter as well as his sister. Yes indeed, said Mrs. Prague. Nobody supposes that Mr. Lidgate can go on holding up his head in middle march. Things look so black about the thousand pounds he took just at the man's death. It really makes one shudder. Pride must have a fall, said Mrs. Hagbert. I am not so sorry for Rosamund Wincy that was, as I am for her aunt, said Mrs. Flimdale. She needed a lesson. I suppose the bullstrokes will go and live abroad somewhere, said Mrs. Prague. That is what is generally done when there is anything disgraceful in a family. And a most deadly blow it will be to Harriet, said Mrs. Flimdale. If ever a woman was crushed, she will be. I pity her from my heart. And with all her faults, few women are better. From a girl she had the neatest ways and was always good-hearted and as open as the day. You might look into her drawers when you would, always the same. And so she has brought up Kate and Ellen. You may think how hard it will be for her to go among foreigners. The doctor says that is what he should recommend the Lidgates to do, said Mrs. Prague. He says Lidgate ought to have kept among the French. That would suit her well enough, I daresay, said Mrs. Flimdale. There is that kind of lightness about her, but she got that from her mother. She never got it from her aunt Bullsroad, who always gave her good advice and, to my knowledge, would rather have had her marry elsewhere. Mrs. Flimdale was in a situation which caused her some complication of feeling. There had been not only her intimacy with Mrs. Bullsroad, but also a profitable business relation of the great Flimdale dying house with Mr. Bullsroad, which, on the one hand, would have inclined her to desire that the mildest view of his character should be the true one. But on the other, made her the more afraid of seeming to palitate his culpability. Again the late alliance of her family with the tollers had brought her in connection with the best circle, which gratified her in every direction except in the inclination to those serious views which she believed to be the best in another sense. The sharp little woman's conscience was somewhat troubled in the adjustment of these opposing bests and of her griefs and satisfactions under late events, which were likely to humble those who needed humbling, but also to fall heavily on her old friend whose faults she would have preferred seeing on a background of prosperity. Poor Mrs. Bullsroad, meanwhile, had been no further shaken by the oncoming trade of calamity than in the busier stirring of that secret uneasiness which had always been present in her since the last visit of Raphael's to the shrubs. That the hateful man had come ill to Stonecote and that her husband had chosen to remain there and watch over him, she allowed to be explained by the fact that Raphael's had been employed and aided in earlier days and that this made a tie of benevolence towards him in his degraded helplessness and she had been since then innocently cheered by her husband's more hopeful speech about his own health and ability to continue his attention to business. The calm was disturbed when Litgate had brought him home ill from the meeting and in spite of comforting assurances during the next few days she cried in private from the conviction that her husband was not suffering from bodily illness merely but from something that afflicted his mind. He would not allow her to read him and scarcely to sit with him alleging nervous susceptibility to sounds and movements yet she suspected that in shutting himself up in his private room he wanted to be busy with his papers. Something she felt sure had happened. Perhaps it was some great loss of money and she was kept in the dark. Not daring to question her husband she said to Litgate on the fifth day after the meeting when she had not left home except to go to the church Mr. Litgate pray be open with me. I like to know the truth. Has anything happened to Mr. Bullsroad? Some little nervous shock said Litgate evasively. He felt that it was not for him to make the painful revelation but what brought it on said Mrs. Bullsroad looking directly at him with her large dark eyes. There is often something poisonous in the air of public rooms said Litgate. Strong men can stand it but it tells on people in proportion to the delicacy of their systems. It is often impossible to account for the precise moment of an attack or rather to say why the strength gives way at a particular moment. Mrs. Bullsroad was not satisfied with this answer. There remained in her the belief that some calamity had befallen her husband and of which she was to be kept in ignorance and it was in her nature strongly to object to such concealment. She begged leave for her daughters to sit with their father and drove into the town to pay some visits conjecturing that if anything were known to have gone wrong in Mr. Bullsroad's affairs she should see or hear from sign of it. She called on Mrs. Thisegar who was not at home and then drove to Mrs. Hagput's on the other side of the churchyard. Mrs. Hagput saw her coming from an upstairs window and remembering her former alarm lest she should meet Mrs. Bullsroad felt almost bound in consistency to send word that she was not at home but against that there was a sudden strong desire within her for the excitement of an interview in which she was quite determined not to make the slightest allusion to what was in her mind. Hence Mrs. Bullsroad was shown into the drawing room and Mrs. Hagput went to her with more tightness of lip and rubbing of her hands than was usually observable in her. These being precautions adopted against freedom of speech she was resolved not to ask how Mr. Bullsroad was. I have not been anywhere except to church for nearly a week said Mrs. Bullsroad after a few introductory remarks but Mr. Bullsroad was taken so ill at the meeting on Thursday that I have not liked to leave the house. Mrs. Hagput rubbed the back of one hand with the palm of the other held against her chest and let her eyes ramble over the pattern on the rug. Was Mr. Hagput at the meeting? Perceived Mrs. Bullsroad. Yes he was said Mrs. Hagput with the same attitude. The land is to be bought by subscription I believe. Let us hope that there will be no more cases of cholera to be buried in it said Mrs. Bullsroad. It is an awful visitation but I always think Middlemarch a very healthy spot. I suppose it is being used to it from a child but I never saw the town I should like to live at better and especially our end. I am sure I should be glad that you always should live at Middlemarch Mrs. Bullsroad said Mrs. Hagput with a slight shy. Still we must learn to resign ourselves wherever our lot may be cast. Though I am sure there will always be people in this town who will wish you well. Mrs. Hagput longed to say if you take my advice you will part from your husband but it seemed clear to her that the poor woman knew nothing of the thunder ready to bolt on her head and she herself could do no more than prepare her a little. Mrs. Bullsroad felt suddenly rather chill and trembling. There was evidently something unusual behind the speech of Mrs. Hagputs but though she had set out with the desire to be fully informed she found herself unable now to pursue her brave purpose and turning the conversation by an inquiry about the young Hagputs she soon took her leave saying that she was going to see Mrs. Blimdale. On her way did her she tried to imagine that there might have been some unusually warm sparring at the meeting between Mr. Bullsroad and some of his frequent opponents perhaps Mr. Hagput might have been one of them. That would account for everything. But when she was in conversation with Mrs. Blimdale that comforting explanation seemed no longer tenable. Selena received her with a pathetic affectionateness and a disposition to give edifying answers on the commonest topics which could hardly have reference to any ordinary quarrel of which the most important consequence was a perturbation of Mr. Bullsroad's health. Before hand Mrs. Bullsroad had thought that she would sooner question Mrs. Blimdale than anyone else but she found to her surprise that an old friend is not always the person whom it is easiest to make a confident of. There was the barrier of remembered communication under other circumstances. There was the dislike of being pitied and informed by one who had been long want to allow her the superiority. For certain words of mysterious appropriateness that Mrs. Blimdale let fall about her resolution never to turn her back on her friends convinced Mrs. Bullsroad that what had happened must be some kind of misfortune. And instead of being able to say with her native directness what is it that you have in your mind she found herself anxious to get away before she had heard anything more explicit. She began to have an agitating certainty that the misfortune was something more than the mere loss of money being keenly sensitive to the fact that Selena now just as Mrs. Hackbert had done before avoided noticing what she said about her husband as they would have avoided noticing a personal blemish. She said goodbye with nervous haste and told the coachman to drive to Mr. Vincy's warehouse. In that short drive her dread gathered so much force from the sense of darkness that when she entered the private counting house where her brother sat at his desk her knees trembled and her usually floored face was deathly pale. Something of the same effect was produced in him by the sight of her. He rose from his seat to meet her took her by the hand and said with his impulsive rashness God help you Harriet you know all? That moment was perhaps worse than any which came after. It contained that concentrated experience which in great crisis of emotion reveals the bias of a nature and is prophetic of the ultimate act which will end an intermediate struggle. Without that memory of raffles she might still have thought only of monetary ruin but now along with her brother's look and words they are darted into her mind the idea of some guilt in her husband then under the working of terror came the image of her husband exposed to disgrace and then after an instant of scorching shame in which she felt only the eyes of the world with one leap of her heart she was at his side in mournful but unapproaching fellowship with shame and isolation. All this went on within her in a mere flash of time while she sank into the chair and raised her eyes to her brother who stood over her I know nothing Walter what is it? she said faintly he told her everything very artificially in slow fragments making her aware that the scandal went much beyond proof especially as to the end of raffles people will talk he said even if a man has been acquitted by a jury they will talk and nod and wink and as far as the world goes a man might often as well be guilty as not it is a breakdown blow and it damages Litgate as much as Bulls Road I don't pretend to say what is the truth I only wish we had never heard the name of either Bulls Road or Litgate you would better have been a wincy all your life and so had Rosamond Mrs. Bulls Road made no reply but you must peer up as well as you can Harriet people don't blame you and I will stand by you whatever you make up your mind to do said the brother with rough but well meaning affectionateness give me your arm to the carriage Walter said Mrs. Bulls Road I feel very weak and when she got home she was obliged to say to her daughter I'm not well my dear I must go and lie down attend to your Papa leave me in quiet I shall take no dinner she locked herself in her room she needed time to get used to her maimed consciousness her poor lopped life before she could walk steadily to the place allotted her a new searching light had fallen on her husband's character and she could not judge him leniently the twenty years in which she had believed in him and venerated him by virtue of his concealments came back with particulars that made them seem an odious deceit he had married her with that bad past life hidden behind him and she had no faith left to protest his innocence of the worst that was imputed to him her honest ostentatious nature made the sharing of a merited dishonour as bitter as it could be to any mortal but this imperfectly taught woman whose phrases and habits where an odd patchwork had a loyal spirit within her the man whose prosperity she had shared through nearly half a life and who had unvaryingly cherished her now that punishment had befallen him it was not possible to her in any sense to forsake him there is a forsaking which still sits at the same board and lies on the same couch with the forsaken soul withering it the more by unloving proximity she knew when she locked her door that she should unlock it ready to go down to her unhappy husband and espouse his sorrow and say of his guilt I will mourn and not reproach but she needed time to gather up her strength she needed to sob out her farewell to all the gladness and pride of her life when she had resolved to go down she prepared herself by some little acts which might seem mere folly to a hard onlooker they were her way of expressing to all spectators visible or invisible that she had begun a new life in which she embraced humiliation she took off all her ornaments and put on a plain black gown and instead of wearing her much adorned cap and large bows of hair she brushed her hair down and put on a plain bonnet cap which made her look suddenly like an early Methodist Bulls showed who knew that his wife had been out and had come in saying that she was not well had spent the time in an agitation equal to hers he had looked forward to her learning the truth from others and had acquised in that probability as something easier to him than any confession and now that he imagined the moment of her knowledge come he awaited the result in anguish his daughters had been obliged to consent to leave him and though he had allowed some food to be brought to him he had not touched it he felt himself perishing slowly in unpeted misery perhaps he should never see his wife's face with affection in it again and if he turned to God there seemed to be no answer but the pressure of retribution it was 8 o'clock in the evening before the door opened and his wife entered he dared not look up at her he sat with his eyes bent down and as she went towards him she thought he looked smaller he seemed so withered and shrunken a movement of new compassion and old tenderness went through her like a great wave putting one hand on his which rested on the arm of the chair and the other on his shoulder she said solemnly but kindly look up Nicholas he raised his eyes with a little start and looked at her half amazed for a moment her pale face, her changed mourning dress the trembling about her mouth all said I know and her hands and eyes rested gently on him he burst out crying and they cried together she sitting at his side they could not yet speak to each other of the shame which she was bearing with him or of the acts which had brought it down on them his confession was silent and her promise of faithfulness was silent open-minded as she was she nevertheless shrank from the words which would have expressed their mutual consciousness as she would have shrunk from flakes of fire she could not say how much is only slander and false suspicion and he did not say I am innocent End of Chapter 74 Recording by Red Abrace February 2008 Chapter 75 of Middle March This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Red Abrace Middle March by George Eliot Chapter 75 Lay sentiment de la faussée This pleasure presents et le ignorance de la vannette This pleasure's absence lay in constants Pascal Rosamund had a gleam of returning cheerfulness when the house was freed from the threatening figure and when all the disagreeable creditors were paid but she was not joyous her married life had fulfilled none of her hopes and had been quite spoiled for her imagination In this brief interval of calm remembering that he had often been stormy in his hours of perturbation and mindful of the pain Rosamund had had to bear was carefully gentle towards her but he too had lost some of his old spirit and he still felt it necessary to refer to an economical change in their way of living as a matter of course trying to reconcile her to it gradually and repressing his anger when she answered by wishing that he would go to live in London When she did not make this answer she listened languidly and wondered what she had that was worth living for The hard and contemptuous words which had fallen from her husband in his anger had deeply offended that vanity which he had at first called into active enjoyment and what she regarded as his perverse way of looking at things as a secret repulsion which made her receive all his tenderness as a poor substitute for the happiness he had failed to give her They were at a disadvantage with their neighbours and there was no longer any outlook towards calling him there was no outlook anywhere except in an occasional letter from Will Ladisla She had felt stung and disappointed by Will's resolution to quit Middlemarch In spite of what she knew and guessed about his admiration for Dorothea she secretly cherished the belief that he had or would necessarily come to have much more admiration for herself Rosamond being one of those women who live much in the idea that each man they meet would have preferred them if the preference had not been hopeless Mrs. Cosamon was all very well but Will's interest in her dated before he knew Mrs. Lidgate Rosamond took his way of talking to herself which was a mixture of playful, fault finding and hyperbolical gallantry as the disguise of a deeper feeling and in his presence she felt that agreeable titillation of vanity and sense of romantic drama which Lidgate's presence had no longer the magic to create She even fancied what will not men and women fancy in these matters that Will exaggerated his admiration for Mrs. Cosamon in order to peak herself In this way poor Rosamond's brain had been busy before Will's departure He would have made, she thought a much more suitable husband for her than she had found in Lidgate No notion could have been falser than this for Rosamond's discontent in her marriage was due to the conditions of marriage itself to its demand for self suppression and tolerance and not to the nature of her husband But the easy conception of an unreal better had a sentimental charm which diverted her ennui She constructed a little romance which was to vary the flatness of her life Will Ladislow was always to be a bachelor and live near her always to be at her command and have an understood though never fully expressed passion for her which would be sending out lambent flames every now and then in interesting scenes His departure had been a proportionate disappointment and had sadly increased her weariness of middle-march But at first she had the alternative dream of pleasures in store from her intercourse with the family at Cullingham Since then the troubles of her married life had deepened and the absence of other relief encouraged her regretful rumination over that thin romance which she had once fed on Men and women make sad mistakes about their own symptoms taking their vague uneasy longings sometimes for genius, sometimes for religion and often are still for a mighty love Will Ladislow had written chatty letters half to her and half to Litgate and she had replied their separation and felt was not likely to be final and the change she now most longed for was that Litgate should go to live in London Everything would be agreeable in London and she had set to work with quiet determination to win this result when there came a sudden delightful promise which inspired her It came shortly before the memorable meeting at the town hall and was nothing less than a letter from Will Ladislow to Litgate which turned indeed chiefly on his new interest in the plans of colonization but mentioned incidentally that he might find it necessary to pay a visit to Middlemarch within the next few weeks a very pleasant necessity, he said almost as good as holidays to a schoolboy He hoped there was his old place on the rug and a great deal of music in store for him but he was quite uncertain as to the time While Litgate was reading the letter to Rosamond It grew prettier and more blooming There was nothing unendurable now The debts were paid, Mr Ladislow was coming and Litgate would be persuaded to leave Middlemarch and settle in London which was so different from a provincial town That was a bright bit of mourning but soon the sky became black over poor Rosamond The presence of a new gloom in her husband about which he was entirely reserved towards her for he dreaded to expose his lacerated feeling to her neutrality and misconception soon received a painfully strange explanation alien to all her previous notions of what could affect her happiness In the new gaiety of her spirits thinking that Litgate had merely a worse fit of moodiness than usual causing him to leave her remarks unanswered and evidently to keep out of her way as much as possible She chose a few days after the meeting and without speaking to him on the subject to send out notes of invitation for a small evening party feeling convinced that this was a judicious step since people seemed to have been keeping aloof from them and wanted restoring to the old habit of intercourse When the invitations had been accepted she would tell Litgate and give him a wise admonition as to how a medical man should behave to his neighbours for Rosamund had the gravest little heirs possible about other people's duties But all the invitations were declined and the last answer came into Litgate's hand This is Cheechle's scratch What is he writing to you about? said Litgate Wonderingly as he handed the note to her she was obliged to let him see it and looking at her severely he said Why on earth have you been sending out invitations without telling me Rosamund? I beg! I insist that you will not invite anyone to this house I suppose you have been inviting others and they have refused to She said nothing Do you hear me? Thundered Litgate Yes, certainly I hear you said Rosamund turning her head aside with the movement of a graceful long-legged bird Litgate tossed his head without any grace and walked out of the room feeling himself dangerous Rosamund's thought was that he was getting more and more unbearable Not that there was any new special reason for this peremptoriness His indisposition to tell her anything in which he was sure beforehand that she would not be interested was growing into an unreflecting habit and she was in ignorance of everything connected with the thousand pounds except that the loan had come from her uncle Litgate's odious humours and their neighbour's apparent avoidance of them had an unaccountable date for her in their relief from money difficulties If the invitations had been accepted she would have gone to invite her mama and the rest whom she had seen nothing of for several days and she now put on her bonnet to go and inquire what had become of them all Suddenly feeling as if there were a conspiracy to leave her in isolation with a husband disposed to offend everybody It was after the dinner hour and she found her father and mother seated together alone in the drawing room They greeted her with sad looks saying, well my dear and no more she had never seen her father look so downcast and sitting herself near him she said, is there anything the matter papa He did not answer but Mrs. Vincy said Oh my dear, have you heard nothing it won't be long before it reaches you Is it anything about tortures? said Rosamund turning pale The idea of trouble immediately connected itself with what had been unaccountable to her in him Oh my dear, yes to think of your marrying into this trouble that was bad enough but this will be worse Stay, stay Lucy, said Mr. Vincy Have you heard nothing about your uncle Bullsrow, Rosamund? No papa, said the poor thing feeling as if trouble were not anything she had before experienced but some invisible power with an iron grasp that made her soul faint within her Her father told her everything saying at the end it's better for you to know my dear I think Litgate must leave the town things have gone against him I dare say he couldn't help it I don't accuse him of any harm, said Mr. Vincy He had always before been disposed to find the utmost fault with Litgate The shock to Rosamund was terrible It seemed to her that no lot could be so cruelly hard as hers to have married a man who had become the center of infamous suspicions In many cases it is inevitable that the shame is felt to be the worst part of crime and it would have required a great deal of disentangling reflection such as had never entered into Rosamund's life for her in these moments to feel that her trouble was less than if her husband had been certainly known to have done something criminal All the shame seemed to be there and she had innocently married this man with the belief that he and his family were a glory to her She sowed her usual reticence to her parents and only said that if Litgate had done as she wished he would have left Middlemarch long ago She beers it beyond anything, said her mother when she was gone Ah, thank God! said Mr. Vincy who was much broken now But Rosamund went home with a sense of justified repugnance towards her husband What had he really done? How had he really acted? She did not know Why had he not told her everything? He did not speak to her on the subject and of course she could not speak to him It came into her mind once that she would ask her father to let her go home again But dwelling on that prospect made it seem utter dreariness to her A married woman gone back to live with her parents Life seemed to have no meaning for her in such a position She could not contemplate herself in it The next two days Litgate observed a change in her and believed that she had heard the bad news Would she speak to him about it or would she go on forever in the silence which seemed to imply that she believed him guilty We must remember that he was in a morbid state of mind in which almost all contact was vain Certainly Rosamund in this case had equal reason to complain of reserve and want of confidence on his part But in the bitterness of his soul he excused himself Was he not justified in shrinking from the task of telling her since now she knew the truth she had no impulse to speak to him But a deeper lying consciousness that he was in fault made him restless and the silence between them became intolerable to him It was as if they were both adrift on one piece of wreck and looked away from each other He thought, I am a fool Haven't I given up expecting anything I have married care, not help And that evening he said Rosamund, have you heard anything that distresses you Yes, she answered laying down her work which she had been carrying on languid, semi-conscious, most unlike her usual self What have you heard? Everything I suppose Papa told me that people think me disgraced Yes, said Rosamund, faintly beginning to sue again automatically There was silence, Litgate thought If she has any trust in me any notion of what I am she ought to speak now and say that she does not believe I have deserved disgrace But Rosamund on her side went on moving her fingers languidly Whatever was to be said on the subject she expected to come from Tertius What did she know? And if he were innocent of any wrong why did he not do something to clear himself? This silence of hers brought a new rush of gall to that bitter mood in which Litgate had been saying to himself that nobody believed in him even Fair Brother had not come forward He had begun to question her with the intent that their conversation should disperse the chill fog which had gathered between them but he felt his resolution checked by despairing resentment Even this trouble like the rest she seemed to regard as if it were hers alone He was always to her a being apart doing what she objected to He started from his chair with an angry impulse Thrusting his hands in his pockets walked up and down the room There was an underlying consciousness all the while that he should have to master this anger and tell her everything and convince her of the facts For he had almost learned the lesson that he must bend himself to her nature and that because she came shot in her sympathy he must give more Soon he recurred to his intention of opening himself the occasion must not be lost if he could bring her to feel with some solemnity that here was a slander which must be met and not run away from and that the whole trouble had come out of his desperate want of money It would be a moment for urging powerfully on her that they should be one in the resolve to do with as little money as possible so that they might weather the bad time and keep themselves independent He would mention the definite measures which he decided to take and win her to a willing spirit He was bound to try this and what else was there for him to do? He did not know how long he had been walking uneasily backwards and forwards but Rosamund felt that it was long and wished that he would sit down She too had begun to think this an opportunity for urging on Tertius what he ought to do Whatever might be the truth of all this misery there was one dread which asserted itself Litgate at last seated himself not in his usual chair but in one nearer to Rosamund leaning aside in it towards her and looking at her gravely before he reopened the sad subject He had conquered himself so far and was about to speak with a sense of solemnity as on an occasion which was not to be repeated He had even opened his lips when Rosamund, letting her hands fall looked at him and said Surely Tertius Well Surely now at last you have given up the idea of staying in Middlemarch I cannot go on living here let us go to London Papa and everyone else says you had better go Whatever misery I have to put up with it will be easier away from here Litgate felt miserably jarred instead of that critical outpouring for which he had prepared himself with effort Here was the old round to be gone through again He could not bear it With a quick change of countenance he rose and went out of the room Perhaps if he had been strong enough to persist in his determination to be the more because she was less that evening might have had a better issue If his energy could have borne down that check he might still have wrought on Rosamund's vision and will cannot be sure that any natures however inflexible or peculiar will resist this effect from a more massive being than their own They may be taken by storm and for the moment converted becoming part of the soul which enraps them in the ardour of its movement But poor Litgate had a throbbing pain within him and his energy had fallen short of its task The beginning of mutual understanding and resolve seemed as far off as ever Nay, it seemed blocked out by the sense of unsuccessful effort They lived on from day to day with their thoughts still apart Litgate going about what work he had in a mood of despair and Rosamund feeling with some justification that he was behaving cruelly It was of no use to say anything to Tertius but when Will Ladislaw came she was determined to tell him everything In spite of her general reticence she needed someone who would recognize her wrongs End of Chapter 75 Recording by Red Abrus February 2008