 Welcome back. Welcome back. As many of my listeners know, I started in San Francisco and I went on to fame and success. I was on Evening at the Improv and I did Caroline's Comedy Hour. But, you know, I haven't forgotten where I came from. I always want to look back and bring the guys along with me, joining me from, is it Hollywood? Is that where you're going from? Yes. North Hollywood, yes. North Hollywood is a young kid I started with named Christopher Titus. You know, I figured help a brother out, as I like to say. And if you don't know who Chris Titus is, he's a very good comic. You should check him out, see him work. And that's what this show is all about, introducing my audience to comics who just kind of, you know, may not be part of the vocabulary yet. Welcome to the David Sheldman Show, Chris. Thank you, David. I appreciate you having me on, man. You're so nice to, like, give me the time. I can't believe it. And by the way, I'm in my, I've been a little soundstage in North Hollywood. I live up in the Hollywood Hills now. Oh. But yeah, so I guess I still got to work. I haven't made it well enough to really, you know, not just to be able to sit on my butt and collect money. I'm still trying though. Oh, you live up in the Hollywood Hills. So like, it's a little like. So I appreciate the help. What do you like? You do handy work in the, in exchange, somebody gives you a place to live? No, we bought a house after I had a TV show for a little while on Fox and, and we bought a house up there. And it's, it's, you know, it's, it's not, it's nothing big. It's not like Steven Spielberg's house. It's just, it's just a house. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You said two things. And I don't think I heard you probably. You said you, you own a house and then you had a series on Fox. How come? No, I actually have two houses. I got a house. I have a house in the Sierras too for, to go skiing and stuff. Yeah, I had a series on Fox for three years. I was a writer on it. And that's why, you know, this will help kind of get it out there to people that I had a, had a TV show. So thanks for again, for letting me on your podcast buddy. You own two houses and you had a series on, and it says here you're, you're playing a little club next week, little hall on the wall in the Midwest. Where is that? Oh yeah. We're doing, we're doing some small shows. We're doing a May 4th. We're doing a Vogel Hall in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's a theater and then the Rouse Center in Chris Lake, Illinois on May 5th. And then, and then, and then May 6th. And then, by the way, thanks for getting this out there, the Goshen Theater in Goshen, Indiana. And then, and then I'm playing a club. I'm playing a club on May 18th to 20th. The comedy works out. Then that's just, that's just a, that's just a little 450 seat that I play. So I, so you're helping. Are you okay? Are you, David, are you all right? No, I'm fine. I'm fine. Hey, Chris, Chris. Hey, good for you. Good, good for you, buddy. Well, you look at you, look at you at the podcast. I appreciate it. And you at the podcast, you're doing so well. I mean, and, and that, that you're helping guys like me is, is, it's gone the-esque, if I, if I may say that. Thank you. Yeah. I want to, I want to, is it pay it forward? Is that what it's, because so much good has come my way. Right. That I just feel I should, you know, don't pull that, the ladder up behind you. Bring up, you're playing a theater. But how many people in the theater? Three theaters. Uh, we, uh, it's, I don't know, I think they're, it's not big. It's, I, it's like a thousand, 1100 seats each one. David? David? David? David? David? David? David, are you okay? Good for you, Chris. Good for you. Anyway, you know, what I'd like to do for you is, because you're helping, you're helping me out. Um, I just wrote and directed a, uh, a movie that'll be, and we're gonna do another one. David? David, are you okay? A movie? David? Yeah. No, no, I think I just had a bad clam. You wrote a movie, huh? Yeah. Yeah. We did it. Uh, it's called the special unit. We, we, uh, we used actual disabled actors in it. Uh, the premise is due to the Fairness and Disabilities Act. The LAPD has to hire four handicapped undercover detectives and I play Nick Nolte's mug shot. I play the worst cop in L.A. And, uh, and we got it shot. It was my first, uh, feature and, uh, yeah, man, and we're gonna shoot another pilot in a couple months too for another TV show. I don't, hey, how are you doing? So you, uh, you wrote and directed and started in your own movie. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah. And actually the fun part about it was, yes. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. You were gonna do the fun part? Um, we, uh, yeah, fun part is I wrote the movie a while ago because we had, we did it at a pilot at Comedy Central in 2006. And I was really mad because Comedy Central said no. And it was all the disabled actors. And although Hollywood talks a great game about disabled actors, they rarely put them in. So it took me 10 years to get it made. Um, we had production dates set out of the blue. I get a phone call from Peter Farrelly from the Farrelly Brothers and he gave me script notes and I did a David. Peter Farrelly from the, go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. For the Farrelly Brothers. And he, uh, well, he just, you know, uh, this will just probably make you happy. He read my script and blow torched it. He basically, he gave me more notes than I've ever had in my life. Go on. Go on. In the past, I would get notes, you know, how did you feel about that? How did you feel about being rejected and spat upon by one of the Farrelly Brothers? That must have been difficult. I hope you were able to get through that. All right. Oh, it was, I almost, I have to be honest when I hung the phone up that first note section, I honestly is, but then again, it was Peter Farrelly. And I, in the past I went and listened to executives. You know, if you've never written a joke, don't give me advice on jokes. I've been doing comedy 30 years away. We started together. So when Peter Farrelly did, I did every note that he gave me. You know, I was a good boy. I went and I did everything he said. And it was interesting because he's done some of the funniest movies of the last 20 years. So I didn't, in Kingpin's one of my favorite movies, I took all his advice like a student. And then I sent it back to him and he called me again and he said, can I give you notes on the rewrite? And I was like, oh no. And at that point, my soul was literally shaved down. And so I got ready for the note session and I sat there and I was ready for him to tear the script apart again. And he called me back and he said, this is great. I have three joke notes. Oh, let's go back to when your soul was shaved and you were broken. And so it's horrible. Yeah, let's let's focus in on that. So were you depressed? Did you start drinking again? Did you have sexual dysfunction? Let's let's really explore that period where you had been rejected by one of the Farrelly brothers. And let's just talk about that for an hour, if you don't mind. How did it feel to be rejected? How did it feel? It was it was, it was, you know, I tried to focus on the fact that one of the best comedy writers of all time was kind of helping me out. But it was, it did feel, it didn't feel like rejection. He's probably the nicest guy in the world. So you doubted, so you doubted yourself. So you doubted yourself. You didn't feel you were deserving. You probably went to Las Vegas and gambled away a lot of money and went started eating food that you shouldn't be eating, stopped exercising. Maybe we're, you know, a little impossible to be around with your family, alienated your loved ones. Right. How did you get through that? Yeah, I went to the gym and with my trainer and I worked out and I just wrote the script and had friends help me with this. This is so inspirational that you were over, you were able to overcome this. This is so valuable for my listeners. And good for you, Chris, that you were able to rise above this. And how long did this last year? How long were you like, how well, yeah, how long did this go for rock bottom? Oh, it was an 80 page rewrite. So I mean, 80 pages that took me about, I wrote it in about nine days. Nine horrible days. And what did you learn during those nine days about yourself? What did you learn? I bet you can draw from that even today, draw from that even today. What powers did you discover that you didn't think you had during that nine day wilderness period? That I can take notes from someone who's I didn't learn. I just wrote a, I learned that you just keep that if I wrote a script, I learned, hmm, I have a writer's skill nomination for my TV show. So I know how that, yeah, don't bring that up again, please. Sorry. It was a, you know, if Peter fairly ripped my script, it probably wasn't deserved, right? It probably was probably, it was probably some sort of sham, you know, just a writer's guild of America. So it's just sham organization that I mean, it was no big deal, you know, and we got beat by everybody loves Raymond anyway. So it didn't really count, right? How did that feel being rejected by your peers? Everybody loves Raymond. You started with Ray Romano, you know Ray Romano, that must have, that must have hurt seeing him win an award that was rightfully yours. How did you deal with that? Oh, I don't, well, I mean, well, I can tell you what James Cameron told me. James Cameron said that your show was brilliant. I don't really care what James, you know what, I don't need to know what James, I need to know what James, the director, James Cameron, Avatar, Titanic. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to, yeah, I don't need to know what he said. I need to, I need to know what you told yourself during this dark, dark, dark period. Excuse me for one second. I live with my mother. Hang on for one second. Can you keep it down? Can you guys keep it down? I live in my mother's basement. For reasons I don't want to get into. Can you, do you mind keeping it down, Terrence? Well, do you mind? Do you mind? Anyway, I'm We're gonna use the disposal. Okay. Hello. Yeah, hi, Chris. I'm, I'm, I live with my mother now. It's a long story. By the way, it's nice of you to tell that your mother, that's nice to let your mom live in your house with you. That's, that's really nice of you, David. See, that's what I've always liked about you is that you would give. So, so you, so you, well, technically when you're working, your mom lives with you. How sweet is that? Well, technically it's not my house, I guess, yet. But I guess you could say, eventually it could be my house if I, if I mow the lawn today and clean out the gutters and yeah. So, yeah, I'm in my, my mother's, it's my mother's house, but hey, you gave up, you gave up your time to caregiver. That's great. You know what? I love about you, David. I've always loved about you. Like the, like whether it's helping me or it's when I was a young comic and now, and then helping you're moving in with your mom to help your mom out. I mean, you know, you, a lot of people would just live in their own houses and they wouldn't, they wouldn't, you know, rent their own houses out to live with their mom. I think that's yeah. Like, you know, man, it's, I wish I could be more you honestly. All right. I'm going to be honest with you, Chris. Can I be honest with you? Sure. Okay. We started together. Yeah. Yeah. And what's become apparent to me because I don't really read the trades and I live in my own echo chamber where my mother tells me I'm perfect and it's everybody else's fault. I kind of just assumed that you were Chris Titus, you know, from San Francisco and you were, you know, some road hack. I feel like you misrepresent, like when you agree to do the show, I think you misrepresented yourself. I think you lied to me. I didn't know this. I didn't know what was going on in your life, quite frankly. Well, I mean, I did, I didn't lose my TV show. That's good. I lost it. I actually lost it off by smarting off to a network president. I said, I lost my TV show. Yeah. It's a little late. It's a little late to tell me that now. Don't you think? Don't you think that's, don't you think you deceived me before? I went through a horrible divorce too. I lost, I lost like $2 million in a divorce. Yeah, but see that horrible stuff. David, David, I'm just as the fact that you lost $2 million in a divorce. You see, that's that you can you understand how that hurts me when you say you lost. Thank you for telling me you got a divorce. I appreciate that. That was that's considerate and that was generous. Okay. But then you bring up the $2 million and do you realize what that does to me? You know, we started together and for you to say that you lost $2 million in a divorce. Can you understand how hurtful that is to somebody like me? Oh, I was still, I know you're upset because I, yeah, because you're upset that I lost all that money, but I still had a bunch of money. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not upset that you lost all that money. I'm upset that you had that much money to lose. Do you see? Do you see how do you see how I do you see how you began this interview under false pretenses? Can you understand how how hurtful this is? I'm sorry. I realized I started out by being a gregarious and and and and fun and I didn't realize and happy and happy and fulfilled and fulfilled. I mean, if my second wife is 13 years younger, younger age, she's hang on. I'll clean it up, mom. I'll clean it up, mom, after I'm just doing my show, mom. Well, I had a bad, bad clam there. 13 years younger than you, huh? Wow. Yeah, she was a she was a diesel jeans model for a while now. David. Yeah, I'm okay. David, are you okay? Yeah. And what she did, Lisa recently, she's a hard worker. She's a comic now, but she she was a bodybuilder. She did those body competitions. She did the Dex caliber here in Los Angeles. So and she said she got two college degrees. David. David. David, are you okay? David. But she's educated, too. Hello. She's educated. Yeah. Her mom was a master of fine arts and she's also she was a caregiver for her mom. Her mom just passed recently. And so she's I've kind of married. So amazing combination of like, just a model and and honestly, like, literally a Martin Luther King as Don Diaz woman. She's like, she's a girl. I swear to God, it's weird. Oh, dude, you're killing me, man. I couldn't. I couldn't. I had my shirt in my face. Let's do this. Let's take a quick, let's take a quick break. Let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we're going to catch up with one of my oldest friends. Unfortunately, we'll be right back. The slurs and to keep playing like trying to be positive accidentally slipping more good stuff. Welcome back. We're talking to my old buddy, Chris Titus. And hey, so in all seriousness, I am at my mother's and you can hear them talking in the background. Look, have a little respect. Can you hear them in the background? I can hear it. It does sound like you're literally at Thanksgiving dinner at your mom's. Yes. And I politely said, Hey, can you keep it down? I'm talking to it. They don't that nobody care. Nobody cares about anything other than themselves in this country, right? That is true. Oh my God, in this country, man, narcissism, I think cell phones have ruined our society and we elected the most narcissistic human being on the planet to be president selfies. There's no themies and usies. Tell your kids to get to take themies and usties because we need to get they need to get friends. Yes. And your mom is really narcissistic just I can hear from here that your mom is incredibly narcissistic human. It's pure passive aggressive behavior. It's the definition of the improper. Yeah, I think that that I really enjoyed the I'm just going to use the disposal that made me laugh really hard. I had my shirt in my face and I was shaking. You're doing a bit that your mom jumped on board this bit. It's just out of the blue. It was like an improv troupe on your side. I have Mark Pitt on the show today. So he and he is very interesting, besides being really funny. He's kind of a historian when it comes to the San Francisco comedy scene. And you know, I don't like going down memory lane. Some people do and I got bodies there. I got no, I got bodies. I got bodies in memory lanes. So I don't like to go down it at all because we started out at the same time. And I'm going to tell you what I thought of you. And you earlier you before we started, you talked about Jake Johansson doing your show. I want to bring up Jake Johansson, who I have to have on the show because he was my guy. Right. He was the guy I started with. And Dennis Miller, right, says every comic has the guy who they're competitive with. They compare their careers. And I unfortunately, the idiot that I am, picked Jake Johansson to be the guy I was going to compete against. And I would get these calls from my father going, have you seen this guy, Jake Johansson? I saw him on Letterman. He's a man, you know, he hides the joke. He tells stories. And then just builds these, building these houses and hanging jokes inside of them. It's so sophisticated. Thanks, dad. Who was your guy? Was there somebody you started with who you measured your career against? Please say it was me. It was actually, it was you and Bubbs. It was you and Bubbs at the beginning. And then as I got, then I flipped hard to Carl and Ron Williams. But it was when I was in that group, I'm not kidding, in that group, I was, you and Bubbs were doing, there was a, there was a moment in time when you and Larry Bubbles Brown grabbed onto Bobby Bitter and Feldo. And then Bob Rubin came in. And I remember being just shocked and amazed at how there was that one like chapter of San Francisco Comedy where everybody was doing these wild ass characters and the freedom on stage was ridiculous. And I, you know, when people talk about the alternative scene down here in LA, I always think, no, I actually saw the real alternative scene in San Francisco. It started, you know, and Patton came out of that too. Your jokes were always, I think you, Will Durst, and a couple guys I would look to as, maybe you and Will Durst really, how to write a concise joke. That was a big deal. You and Bobby and Bubbs too, where I just, I kind of learned how to cut it down by watching you guys. So, you know, and this is not BS, the bit we were doing. Honestly, you know, you guys did shape, I mean, I was a 19, 20 year old kid. I was just, I was, God, I can't, I see pictures of me back then and I just go, it just makes me shudder. So, so you and you guys were, you guys were nice to me. You were like one of the few people that didn't slam me and Monty Hoffman. I never wanted to fight a grown man more than Monty Hoffman. You're the second. You just come in and just shred your soul. Pitta just, on the show, Pitta brings up Monty Hoffman. That's interesting. He passed away, you know. Yeah. He's the only guy that when I heard he passed away, I was like, I just went to my list and crossed him off because I hate him on the list. You know what I, this is, I shouldn't, I, I may, I may take this out. No, I don't. No, this part, when, when this is, I'm going to burn in hell for this. You can leave it for me. I'm that guy. When Monty was diagnosed with cancer, he said, I'm going to rape this crazy disease. I may take that out. I may take that out. I'm going to rape this crazy disease. You know what? The thing with Monty is there are two types of people in San Francisco. Those who, well, that's not fair because women, you know, I'm going to, you know, I got along with Monty and there were certain people who did get along with Monty. If you were a woman, your experience with Monty was kind of different. And I guess there is the sanctimony that comes with white privileged men like me who don't understand what women at Fox News or in the San Francisco comedy scene went through. You know, there's this sanctimony, because I got along with Monty because I didn't have anything he wanted. And I would just say, you know, it's interesting. I apologize, Chris. I'm just, my mind is wandering, but I'm thinking out loud. It's like, I had this self-sanctimony where I go, you know, I got along with Monty. I understood him. Yeah. Well, he didn't, he didn't come in and grab your pussy, though. He didn't like, so I would watch him outside club sometimes. And it was, I've never seen this behavior in a man to this day until we elected the new guy. Monty was this guy who would, and I remember standing out and maybe that we always hang out in front of that punchline sometimes on open mics. So Monty would just, whatever girl walked up, if she was single, hey, you want to fuck me? Hey, you want to blow me? Hey, and he would like, it was just incredible scatter going to approach. And every once in a while, every one of 120 would stop and go, go, hey, what's your problem? And he would talk to him. And next thing you know, he's, he's with that girl. I never saw, he didn't pick and choose. He just, whatever, if it was female and had nipples, he walked up to him, he was hitting on it and, and he was gross and some women just went for it. So, but I agree with the white product. You know, women, women get messed with all the time. And Monty was part of the problem. I mean, literally, literally assaults and harassment went down 22% when Monty died. And that is the problem with the human condition. I know women, somebody I really respect, a very spiritual woman in the Bay Area who protected Monty, defended Monty. We all have our narratives. And then there are the facts, your honor. We live in a Christian culture. It's all about forgiveness and understanding, but some things are, you know, and we're asked to forgive and understand successful people or, you know, Monty was funny. Monty was really funny. So we found it, some of us found it in our heart to forgive. And, you know, he's troubled. He was a Vietnam vet. He went through hell. And then there's the bottom line. If you're a woman, how did he treat you? What did he do? And that's the truth that has to be addressed. And when you have white heterosexual male privilege like I do, you, I didn't see any of this stuff. So it was like, well, here's the thing. I got treated because I was a young kid who was trying to come up. Monty treated me like I was the new chicken that just got led into prison. I was always treated like that. Monty never backed off me. I saw him do something to Jake one night. We were doing, I think it was the first or second Sounds Comedy competition. And you know, Jake, I think it was the year, it was the year that Jake was smoking it. Like he had done it before, but there was one year where, I think didn't Jake, Jake won it one year, right? Yeah. Yeah. And every night he was destroying. And what I saw Monty do, we're all backstage, we're getting ready. I'm out of it. I think I made the, I never made, I don't think I ever made the semis in it. And, and Jake, Jake was killing it. And Monty, Monty walks with Jake, who didn't have his headphones in, and he goes, and he literally just said some shit like, Hey, Jake, are you doing, you know, that bitch you're fucking doing? Why are you, you're just a new material that you've been beating on that shit for six years now. And you just fucking basically, I mean, and it wasn't, and it wasn't, you know how we all fucked around? Like, do you know how we all like, we would all give each other shit? Are you going to wear that? But it wasn't like that. It had that other level to it where Monty was dead serious. And Jake just put his headphones in, turned and walked away. And I remember thinking, Oh, you're a cocksucker. And that's, that's, that's my problem. I, like I break balls, but I got your back. Monty break balls, didn't have your back. I think that's the difference. I have to be honest with you about Monty. I remember doing the comedy competition always coming in the last. And I remember, boy, I don't know what this says about me. I can just smart, man. I know, but I can remember pairing up with Monty at the comedy competition. He was like my, he was my comedy competition buddy. And you know, I've, I've blocked. You know why? Why? Why? You always had glasses on. You were always, I'll tell you why. You were always kind of, you were the intellect of the comics in San Francisco at that time. You were the crazy intellectual one. You were the one that had the smartest political jokes. You had the smartest socially relevant jokes of anybody in that time, of anybody. There was nobody else. I don't think anybody was pushing what you were pushing. Monty was the opposite end of the spectrum. Monty was talking about blow jobs and fucking women and blah, blah, blah. And I don't think you, I don't think he was ever threatened by your comedy because your comedy was so smart. And your comedy is so smart and above everybody's. You know, the only person that I felt was in your league really was Jake. Back to your father. My dad, everybody he saw on TV, he went, you're not that guy. So it wasn't just Jake. My dad, anybody who, when I started comedy, who he saw on TV, it was like, you're not that guy. That guy's way better than you. So don't, don't feel bad that your dad went one guy. My dad went after everybody. You told me he was, everybody was better than I was. So that's why I think Monty, Monty identified with you because you, you never, you were never in Monty's wheelhouse, you know, in Monty knew that Monty knew he would, there was nothing he was going to write. There was nothing he was going to come up with. You weren't taking his women because you're, you're always such a solid cat. There was something about, I get totally get why you hung out with Monty, but it was really Monty hanging out with you. You didn't pick Monty. Okay. And he behaved around you and he behaved around me. See, I never saw it. He did because you were that. That's interesting. You were that guy. When you came, we all kind of, it was, when you came in the room, it was kind of like of that era because I was, I was on the outside screen, even, even when Ruben was around, you know, Ruben even mellowed out around you. Like the craziest guys in comedy when you came in the room kind of chilled out. It was almost like the assistant principal had walked into the room. Exactly. And that's the same goes for the audience. The audience, the audience chilled out and I was the cooler. That was the problem. I used to stand in the back. I would sit in the back. I would stand whenever you walked on stage. There's a lot of guys I, you walked out to watch. Some guys I didn't care. There was some guys, Bobby Salem, I didn't walk out to watch. Slate and I would come out to watch sometimes when he would come. But he was already moved to LA. If Bubbs was doing, I'd come out to watch Bubbs. I'd come out to watch you because you were a writer. You would always come up with new stuff. I'd learned from you guys. I would watch, I would come out to watch Bob Rubin only because I wanted to see what the hell is he going to do now. But you guys, I would come out to watch you because of your writing. Now you're performing. But you're writing. Right. No, I agree with you. I agree with you. That was always the, who said this to me? Somebody said to me. Oh, a tell said to me that ugly guys are always told they're writers. It's true. Like everybody would walk up to me and say, you're a writer. You're not a performer. Well, that's, that's, I- But I'll give you a compliment. You're not ugly, David. I'll give you a compliment in a second. Before I ask you about Bob Rubin, would you say of all the comedians- No, I want to hear how bad I was. I, I'm not going to say you- It's not going to be- No, I'll give you a compliment because you were great the minute you stepped on stage. And the other thing that annoyed me about you was you, you came almost fully formed. You stepped on to the stage. The audience instantly liked you. You understood that this was show business. You were young and you weren't clickish because the click will always leave you behind. You know, you never played to the back of the room. You played to what was in front of you. I was so concerned about what Larry thought and what my friends thought in all honesty. You know, when you're part of a click, if somebody succeeds like Jake, it eats you up inside. You know, when Rob Schneider left the click, it was like, why would you do that to me, Rob? Why, why did you go on Letterman? Well, you know, Jake, why did you win the San Francisco Comedy Competition? Don't you realize what that does, not just to me, but our click? You think you're better than everybody? Who do you think you- But you got it from the beginning that this is business and you took acting lessons and singing lessons and dance, dance lessons and movement lessons. And those movement lessons really work because you moved away. And you, you know, you got the idea that the- Oh, I got it. I'm setting a lease in LA. It's not new. But you got it. You understood something that the audience wants to be entertained. This is show business. This isn't about David and Larry working out their girlfriend issues, right? I got really, yeah. I got really early on that. You guys would do that. And you know, part of you wants to be that guy. You want to be the guy that will make the comics in the back of the room. But part of me, I would watch you guys do that. And then when Monty would laugh or Bubs would laugh at you or the other guys, I realized that Monty wasn't paying your bills. And I realized that I want to- You got to remember, I didn't have any other skills. I was a DF student in California Public Schools. This was my shot. This was all I had. I gave myself four years when I started back then. And I said, if I don't make it in four years, I will go to trade school become a welder because that's what was going to happen. I have no skills. You guys were obviously all educated. Bubs had an engineering degree. And I knew I was fucked. And the audience smells that. And I was instilled by my father. Yeah, the audience smells that. And that's why they love you. They smell that. Because I fear in desperation. Exactly. The audience. Yeah. But I'm being serious that the audience, if you weren't a feat, you know? Right. And the audience doesn't like somebody who doesn't need it. I always wanted. Go ahead. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I thought I was desperate for a while. I thought for a while I performed very desperately. And then when I wrote Norman Rock was bleeding once I got to LA, I realized the less I cared about what the audience thought, the better I was. But it took me 12 years to find that. It took me 12 years to find that the best thing. It's such a fine edge. And I tell comics all the time, give me some advice comedy. And I said, when I'm on stage and they're not laughing, fuck these people. They can't do it. They're in their seats. Once I found fuck these people. And I don't mean that like I hate the audience. I mean, that's that fine line between, I don't care what you think. Here's what I think. And the reason I'm up here is because I know what funny is. So and you have to, it's such a weird razor edge. You have to say fuck these people. And also I love these people at the same time. It's such a bizarre, such a bizarre thing. And instead I've learned about comedy. I never had that. I have it with the podcast because I don't have to worry about the laughs. Right. But on stage, if they're not laughing, I go into panic mode. So what convinced you, I guess it's doing the one man show, right? That's not stand up. That's a whole other thing. Right. Well, that's the problem is that like, I saw a lot of guys do one man shows and they forgot to be funny. And I will watch, I always try to watch what works and what doesn't work. I go watch a lot of comics. And I saw Lily Tomlin do signs of intelligent life in San Francisco down in the Tengeloin. And I remember thinking, wow. And she's kept it so funny. There weren't these big pauses. It was just joke, joke, joke, joke on top of having a story. So when I wrote Norman Rockwell, the one thing that I committed to is it has to be at least as funny as stand up. And if I'm funny, if it's as funny as stand up for an hour and 20 minutes, then I've bought myself the right to take three minutes and punch the audience in the order as hard as I can. And then I have to be funny again. So what wasn't, Norman Rockwell was joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. But I think a lot of comics, when they hear the word a one man show, they believe that is just carte blanche to not be funny. And I think it's the opposite. I think if you're gonna have to pretense and be a pretentious douchebag that you're gonna do a quote one man show, you better make sure that it holds up in any comedy club in the country. And that's how I developed Norman Rockwell. I didn't go rent theaters. I toured it with comedy clubs first to make sure that it was funny. And then once I put the theater on top of it, once I rented a theater and put it in a theater, it took on a whole extra, an extra power to it. It took on this extra weight. But I developed it in the shittiest drunk ass Friday so that I could show comedy clubs in the country. That requires a lot of diss. Have you ever not, have you ever not been disciplined? Has there ever been a period? I don't think I'm very disciplined. I mean, I, it's all, yeah. I mean, when I was a DS student, I couldn't graduate. I didn't graduate. The joke I do in my new shows, I didn't, I didn't graduate. I was let go. I'm the only senior that was laid off from high school. I, so I got out. I actually had to go back after I graduated to get three more credits to get my diploma. So I was, I realized I was really, and I talk about this in my new, in my new set on Marageddon. I really wasn't disciplined at all. And, but I loved comedy. Like I wanted to be a comic since I was five years old. Mm hmm. And I loved comedy. And I used to listen to Cosby and I would just, and Cosby was so disciplined. And then I would watch, then I, then I got into Robin to the point where like I was obsessed with Robin Williams. Do you remember there was a guy who did how he did it? Do you remember there was a comic who came on the scene who did Robin and didn't realize it? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yep. I almost beat his ass in San Jose one night. I was hosting, I was hosting open mic down at the last laugh in San Jose and he got on, and I, and he got on stage. He got on stage, David, with the suspenders. Like one point, look, if you could- Kermit, was it Kermit something? Somebody, he got on suspenders. No, no, no. Was that, no. No, it was a dude. He wasn't around, he was, he wasn't around long. He got off stage. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt outside of where the comics stand and I slammed him against the brick wall at the last laugh and I said, if I ever see you get on stage and steal anybody's act again, I will beat your ass in this alley. And you know why? Because to me, there's not a lot of things that I believe that much in, but like when you guys would write jokes like sometimes you'd piss me off to watch you and Bub's work because sometimes you guys would do jokes that were right in front of me that I missed. Don't you hate that when a comic does something that's right in front of me and you're like, fuck, I missed that, damn it. And so, and you guys found it first and that's the magic of comics and that's why you can't steal from comics. You can't steal. Like we all have dads, we all have moms, we all have kids, whatever. You can write those jokes, but when someone finds it, like it, tell. Like I tell sometimes we'll come up with a joke and I just, I just smack myself on the floor like, holy crap, that was right in front of me and I missed it and I think, and that's why I get so, I'm very defensive. I busted Carlos Mencia, I watched Carlos Mencia do want to deal Hugh Glees jokes in Vegas. I watched him do it. I stood in the room and watched him. So I know that guy's a thief. Carl, let me say it again, Carlos Mencia is a, this is after South Park roasted him. I watched him do it. Joe Rogan could kick my ass, right? Would you call Joe Rogan? Yeah, he could, he could, Joe. Would you call him on Thievery? A thief? No, I'm saying, not that he's a thief, but I'm saying if he just, if he decided to be a thief, No, he's not at all. I know that, but I'm saying since he knows mixed martial arts, would we call him a thief if he stole something? It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you, if you're a comic and you step into, and by the way, I'm about to get really precious about comedy right now, so please you can edit this out you want. The comedy is magic, here's why. Comedy is the only thing that we, like you can play music all day long and sit in a room and talk and drink and whatever, and oh that's a good song, I'm gonna dance to that. Comedy is the only art form that actually has to create a physical reaction in the person listening to it. So the magic of it is, is it has to actually, it has to, and I'm sorry to get precious about it, but it literally has to fire something in your brain that makes you physically react. You have to start laughing. So it's magic, and the guys that do it and can do it well, and the guys that I look up to are the best at, if you're gonna steal someone else's magic, fuck you. I will find you, will I beat your ass? No, but I'll make sure everybody knows, I'll actually, I'll screw you, I'll tell everybody you did it, then I'll go film you somewhere, then I'll put it on the internet and let everybody know that you're a thief. It's not, it's not okay, it's not okay. It's too hard, it's dude, some of the jokes you've written, like if I saw them stealing your stuff, I would do the same thing, I would just, I take it too, maybe I take it too seriously, because some comics don't care. They don't care. And I'm not talking to someone doing like, like that wall joke, that was the weird thing, like when he went up to Mencia and he did the wall joke. I know, I know. That was like, that, that's, that joke, I didn't, I didn't even go, ah, but here's, so Rogan, that was just one piece. So, but here's what happened with Mencia. So Mencia, I didn't believe it, until I started going online, and someone had started posting stuff from his album. When I ran into Carlos in Vegas, I walked right up to him and I said, hey man, and I go, how's everything going? He goes, what do you mean? And I go with all the stealing, and I don't know Carlos, that was, that was literally our first two sentences. And he goes, oh man, he goes, come on. I go, no, I go, I said, I said, no. I said, honestly, I said, I saw you steal. He goes, I said, not the wall joke. I said, I saw you do the Bill Cosby football piece. You know, the kid about, he's, and his dad helps him. He, he did it on one of his specials. And I said, I saw that piece. That's not your piece. And he, and here's what he says, here's, here is a sociopath. Carlos doesn't say, yeah, I should, Carlos says to me, we're standing in Vegas, talk face to face. So this isn't a, this isn't a hearsay story. This happened. I was standing in front of him. He said, he goes, oh man, he goes, I got real arrogant. He goes, you know, we filmed that bit on the special and then we cut it out of the special on Comedy Central. And then when they released the DVD, one of the editors put it back in, man. That's what happened. Wow. He never once said a shit, never have done Cosby's bit. Right. He said the editor fucked him. Wow. And I was like, no, that's wrong. And then that night, then we had that conversation, David. Then he went on stage at the Dirty at 1230 at the South Point and did a joke. And I'll say this about Carlos. I get why Carlos works. Carlos is an amazing performer. That dude, confident and the way he says things and he can get an audience fired up. Man, he's got everything that Trump has. He can just get an audience fired up and they don't know what they're fired up about. So I watched him and then I was driving home and I watched him do a set and I didn't see anything. But I remembered a couple of jokes that were killers. As I'm driving home, I listen to Comedy Central records and I got radio on Unserious. I'm driving home from Vegas back to LA. And fucking DL Hewley comes on. I'm listening to DL, I know DL. And he does the joke. And I called DL, I go, DL, is that your joke? He goes, yes, my joke. I said, I saw Carlos do that the other night in Vegas. He just said, DL just goes, thanks for telling me, bro. So that's where it is. That's where it is for me. And again, I don't mean to make comedy precious. And you guys, I started with, I mean, I looked back. I was such the odd man out. I think we all, maybe we all felt like that, but I really felt like the younger than everybody. Oh, you were a kid. You were a kid. I didn't really fit in. You were a kid. Yeah, no shit. And by that, I mean, you were like three years younger. You know, but, hey, does anybody, let me just say goodbye to my mother. Let me say goodbye to my mommy and my sister. Bye, mommy. Bye. Okay. Sorry, we didn't have, okay. I have the, my parents, I have this nightmare scenario where I'm, I never left New York. I'm living in my mother's basement and I never get married. I never have kids. She lets me live in the basement and I'm the best son. And she just brags about me. Then I put her to bed at 11 o'clock every night or 10. And then I sneak off and I meet young men at the bus station and do horrible things. You know, not sexual. There's like weird. And then I'm at all night and then I come home smelling of another man's cologne. But I bring my mother a bi-ali, a coffee, and the daily news. And she says, you're such a good son. You're such a good son. And then one day the police come. And they say, boy, if these walls could talk. And suddenly the walls are talking because they're, you know, men saying, let me out, let me out, let me out. And some are, some are just bodies. Some are just bodies, David. I know that, that is, that, but dude, so, so, I mean, I remember, like, I remember I was kind of obnoxious at that age. I was really fired up. I was trying to compete with all you guys and it was impossible. You guys are, you know, you guys are all, and by the way, you say I was a kid and when you say three years difference, 19 to 23, 24, you know, is a big thing is way different. I was 19. I don't know how old you were back then. It's, that's a huge, that's literally 15 years of development, three or four years. Oh, and it's also, yeah. And also you guys had paid bills. What happened after four years? You said you gave yourself four years. What happened? I was living in the Lower Hates and I was eating one piece of pizza a day. I said, if I could make a living at it, I was making one piece of pizza a day. I had $700 in parking tickets because of fucking San Francisco. And, but I was making, but I was making enough money to pay my bills. I wasn't doing well. I was, I would, while you guys, everyone's wide, like we'd, we'd all get in a car and go to some horrible nightmare gig in Santa Cruz, you know, or wherever we would go. And I was just making enough money. And then I started calling around the country and basically kind of threatening club owners going, listen, listen, I go, anybody, you put anybody in front of me and I would just go crazy on the phone. I was so, I don't, it was, it was all fear. It wasn't arrogance. It was like, I said, if I show up, I said, middle me, middle me, feature me, pay me this money. You know, you know, at the time I look back, like I was probably, they were laughing at what I thought was a good money. And, and I would say if I, if I have one bad show, and I did this in Seattle too, if I have one bad show, don't pay me. And I never didn't get paid. So that's how I, that's how I kind of broke into some of those clubs. Wow. You wanted it and you made it happen. You wanted it badly enough. Yeah. Interesting. That's how the movie got done. That's how the movie got done the same way I decided. I learned something. I did a thing called the Landmark Forum. And I learned something that you don't, you don't wait for the thing to happen. You decide that thing's going to happen and then it starts to happen. Bill Hicks, I remember standing with him at the improv in LA and he was telling me about the forum. But what is Landmark Forum? What is that? Just a class. It's a three day class. You can look it up to do it around the world. And basically they've studied human beings for 5,000 years. What made Hitler? Hitler? What made Gandhi? Gandhi? You know, why is Trump Trump? And they, and we're all the same machine. So we're all blood, bone, hair, and we all have anger. Even our emotions are all the same. So everybody thinks we're so special, but the reality is we're really not. And so what they did was they kind of broke it down. Why, how people react and why some people are successful and some people aren't. And it teaches you to operate your life not out of your past, which is we all do. You know, your mom, your dad, my dad, you know, it teaches you to operate out of your future. So instead of looking backwards, trying to move forward, you're actually looking towards a goal and it just changes your life. And by the way, if Hicks did the forum, I so get Hicks even more now. It teaches you to take a stand for what's right and what you want to do. Oh hang on for one second. Let me, let me, I would never speak for Bill Hicks. I don't know if he did the forum or he was complaining to me about a woman he was dating who did the forum. And I think I get her to do it. No, no, no, no. I think I think he was dating a woman and he was complaining that she did the forum as I remember it. So I don't, I don't. I would never ever, I will never ever speak for Bill Hicks. I just remember. Yeah, I just, I think he was dating a woman who was trying to get him to do the forum. The interesting thing is that if he didn't do it, if the interesting thing is if he didn't do it, the way he performed on stage and the stuff he did is very forum-esque. It used to be Est is what it is. Do you know what Est was? It was at Werner Erhard. Yes, yes, yes. Werner left with Est. The company that bought it renamed it and then it became Lamar Formia. Yeah, and my wife has taken it and then that's when I got the movie done and that's how I got my own TV show. Like I did, I wasn't going anywhere and I took the forum and then two years after that I had Titus. You know, I have no, I have a D.F. student. I have a writer's skill nomination. It all happened because of what I learned in the forum. Well, hang on for once again. And now I actually run a studio. Did Werner Erhard create the forum or was it, is that him? Yeah, it was Est. It was Est and then they keep modifying. They don't just leave it as is. They keep making it better and better. Yeah, Werner Erhard created Est. Est became Lamar Form, same technology. They keep moving it every year and they keep making it better every year. Is it still around? Yeah, my wife's done it. I think, yeah, you can, yeah, it kicks ass. They say it's one of the top 10 experiences of your life. If you look on the web, it's not religious. It's not political. It's just how do human beings become successful and how do human beings become not successful? And they don't use the word successful. They use, you know, what are some of the language? Self-actualized, self-realized. Not even, it's not that far. It's transformative. Like it's literally transformative a moment to moment of what you think. Scientology for people who aren't gay. Yes. No. But yes. Supposedly, supposedly, the rumor is that once his face, Elrond had put a hit out on Werner Erhard. That's why he had to sell the form and that's why that story that was definitely proved to be wrong in 60 minutes came out of Elrond. Because Elrond Hubbard, it was basically our friends and there was the same technology and Elrond Hubbard wanted to make a church out of it to make money and Werner Erhard said, no, we just want to have people give access to a different life. We're not a church. And then Elrond Hubbard said, yes, we are from billions of years ago. The Theatons and Werner Erhard went, oh, fuck, I'm leaving. And he left and then they put a hit out on him. And that's part of the reason. The rumor is that it's a rumor. The rumor is that's why Werner Erhard, they were friends and then Werner Erhard started S. And that's when Scientology started and then, you know, Scientology is now what it is and the form is what it is. But it's an amazing technology. His name is, he's Rosenberg. He's Rosenberg, right? It's Werner. Wasn't his name Rosenberg? Probably. So he's a Jew. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? David, is that what you're saying? That he's a Jew? I'm saying that. Now he's a Jew. Are you calling him a Jew on the podcast? I'm saying that. He's a Jew is what you're saying. He's a Jew. I think that he, I think what I'm saying is that his real name is Rosenberg. Jew! Jew and as was Ayn Rand. I think her last name was Rosenberg. Now the question is, was Elrond Hubbard? I doubt Elrond Hubbard was. Yeah, his name is Steinmitz. I think it was Elrond Steinmitz. Well, now you've got me all... Get you out of your mom's house and you have a better life. Hey, this was, thank you for doing this. Let's plug it. Let's believe it or not, I have some listeners. I know it's hard for you to believe, but I actually have listeners. And honestly, I've done some podcast. That first thing we did was some of the funnest thing I've done. I literally had fabric in my mouth because I was trying not to laugh. I was like, when you started freaking out and puking, I was like, I was shaking so hard. It's really funny. So May 4th. May 4th will be a vocal hall in Milwaukee. May 5th at the Rowe Center in Crystal Lake, Illinois. May 6th, the Goshen Theater. And then May 18th to 20th, Comedy Works Out. I'm working on a whole new show. It's all about the election in Trump. It's called Amerageddon. In my movie, a special unit, you can go to my website, christenbratis.com. Check out the trailer for the movie. It's really funny. Billy Gardell is in it. He's waiting for me right now. Oh, wow. Billy Gardell is in this movie. And he plays his character. He plays the police chief. His character is four seconds from aneurysm, a whole movie. And it is so ridiculously funny. And so we're actually looking for a distributor right now on that. And that's it, man. And thanks for having me on, dude. And the Titus podcast. And I have the Titus podcast. If after you're done listening to the amazing David Feldman podcast, you can go to listen to the Titus podcast. OK. And very quickly, I just want you to know, I forgive you. I forgive all your success. Thank you. I forgive all your thanks, buddy. You're great. Thank you. Thanks, David. Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye-bye.