 Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay and Luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressable hair bring you our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden It's time once again for another comedy episode of our miss Brooks written by Al Lewis Well, they say that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb But our miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School has an amendment to this ancient bromide Yes, this year March and our beloved principal Osgood Conklin both came in like lion and Last Wednesday morning when he summoned me to his office I could tell by the tone of his roar that he had gotten up on the wrong side of his cage As I entered his office, however I was thrown off guard somewhat by his bluff and hearty manner in fact His first two words to me were replete with camaraderie and affection sit down Yes, miss Brooks, I arrived at school this morning 15 minutes ahead of anyone else as is my vote It certainly is and as I It certainly is what your won't that is getting here 15 minutes ahead of anyone else is an old waltz of yours Yes, sir, that one won't goes way back Working for you for almost five years. I guess I know as much about your different won'ts as any teacher in this As I passed through the hall I noticed one of the classroom doors with a jar. It was your room miss Brooks as I reached in to close the door I saw your blackboards. They hadn't been stolen No, no, but they hadn't been erased either You know very well miss Brooks that it has long been a strict rule in this institution that nothing is to remain on the blackboards overnight Oh, I know that sir But some of the students must have made some notes after I left the room You see we've been studying the Shakespearean tragedies and the class is taking to it with great enthusiasm Miss Brooks. I'm quite certain that the immortal bar did not pen the words. I saw on your blackboard What word mr. Conklin one line said and I quote old man Conklin is a bird brain That's impossible sir. You misread the blackboard. What it probably said was the old King Lear is a bird brain Who would want to write a thing like that? His daughters. They hated his gut. Oh, they didn't mean to him I Hold you responsible for the condition of your blackboard and remember it is from such petty beginnings that more dangerous subversive Activities can stem. I'll have a loyalty check before class Don't you think you're being unduly severe about a relatively minor problem in your class. I don't think it's a big problem Relatively minor transgression severe perhaps, but I challenge your use of the word unduly After all I am the man to whom this entire school looks for leadership as your leader I must be firm decisive wielding my power with justice, but authority. Yes, sir I know you're quite a stickler for discipline mr. Conklin and all of us on the faculty try to cooperate Sometimes your manner is so stern and forbidding. It makes it difficult What I'm trying to say I guess is that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar I don't want flies. I want teachers I want teachers with a wholesome respect for the inspiring mottos on which I was brought up Spare the rod and spoil the child an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth These others here in my office read the one on that wall miss broke Yes, sir only the hands of the strong can hold the reins of leadership another one next to it Through power alone. Can you command respect? How true that is? There seems to be a moho missing mr. Conklin which one today Madison high tomorrow the world The janitor broke that one while he was dusting Which brings me to another assignment I have for you this morning I want you to see that my office is thoroughly cleaned up I've asked my daughter Harriet to send in one of the boys to do the heavy work and they Oh good heavens. You'll probably send in that lame-brained boyfriend of hers Walter Denton. Oh Walter isn't so bad. Mr. Conklin in fact compared to his pal stretch snod grass. His mentality is positively Einsteinian If only he wouldn't speak that voice of his drives me insane It's just his age mr. Conklin his voice is probably changing. Well, it had better hurry Boy sounds like a canary who has just caught a rancid batch of birdseed Come in Now that you're here Denton, I'll be leaving shortly. So pay attention and I'll tell you what I want done Yes, sir. He told me you're anticipating the national cleanup paint up picks up campaign which starts every spring That is correct. I'm a great boy for getting the jump on the next fellow Therefore I want you to clean out all the old files you find in my closet I haven't touched them since I took over this office from my predecessor. Mr. Darwell. Oh, I remember mr. Darwell There were times when we all thought he was a real tyrant. Oh, you did Dear old mr. Darwell This file contains nothing but a bunch of antiquated records and correspondence kept by Darwell for years You Denton will take them all out and destroy them. Yes, sir. Burn them up to a cinder I'm going on a tour of classroom inspection. I haven't cracked the whip round here in Athena. Just how long has it been yesterday? An exceptionally large batch of mail this morning with Brooks while I'm gone I want you to open each and every letter the gestic content and if it is not of sufficient importance to demand my personal attention Fair it up. I'll rip it to pieces. Mr. Conkman Browlet destroy it. I'll be merciless hurl it in the basket. I'll bash it with my bare fist I'm going now Remember let's get on the ball and stay in mood this morning, isn't he even for him? But you'd better get busy cleaning out those files. Walter. Yes, ma'am. They're right in this closet here Gosh, what a bunch of junk. I'll never be able to sort this stuff alone. Will you give me a hand, Miss Brooks? I'd like to, Walter, but I've got to go through the mail. Why don't you get Stretch Snodgrass to help you? Oh, he's working in the supply room this morning He's supposed to be taking inventory before the clean up paint up fix up campaign starts this spring It seems kind of early to me me too, but mr. Conklin's a great boy for getting the jump on the other fellow I know I've seen him jump on some of the other fellas Gosh, poor old stretch will be lost down there. Maybe I'd better look in on him and see how he's doing I wish you would miss Brooks. He doesn't know how to take inventory. He probably doesn't even know how to pronounce it Hi, miss Brooks, how are things in the supply room stretch? All right, I guess But I really don't know what I'm supposed to do here. Didn't mr. Conklin tell you what to do No, ma'am not exactly when I got to school this morning His daughter Harriet headed me a memo from them which just said go to the supply room and take inventory I'm on a spot miss Brooks. Why I can't find no inventory no place On top of that mr. Conklin just stopped by and balled me out something awful balled you out. What were you doing? I wasn't doing nothing. I would just stand here like a stick He said what's the idea stand there like a stick so I said I ain't standing here like no stick And then he said who's your English teacher boy. So right away. I said miss Brooks is my English teacher. That's who's Wasn't in such a bad mood. I'd have told him what a boot. I get out of taking English off here Sometimes sometimes I think I'd like to stay in your class forever miss Brooks. Sometimes I think you've got a very good chance But stretch if you're not too busy at the moment Would you please run down to mr. Conklin's office and help Walter Denton clean out some old files? I'd be glad to help wall around miss Brooks Mr. Conklin told me to go from here to the biology lab and tell mr. Point to wash all the cages for pepatoi to paint them Yes, ma'am. It seems there's some kind of campaign that starts in the spring I'm familiar with it stretch if you'll join Walter and mr. Conklin's office I'll be happy to deliver your message to mr. Boynton Of course before I go to the biology lab. I've got to start my own campaign, you know clean up fix up paint up You mean your classroom miss Brooks classroom. Nothing me Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith No other dentifers offers proof of such results proof that Colgate Dental Cream helps stop tooth decay before it starts Two years research at leading University using Colgate dental cream hundreds of case histories Makes this the most conclusive proof in all dentifers history on tooth decay Conclusive proof that when teeth are brushed with Colgate's right after eating Colgate Dental Cream helps stop tooth decay before it starts Yes, the toothpaste you use to clean your breath while you clean your teeth Now offers a safe prove way to reduce tooth decay Modern science shows decay is caused by mouth acids, which are at their worst right after eating Brushing teeth with Colgate's is directed helps remove acids before they harm enamel Colgate dental cream has been proved to contain all the necessary Ingredients including an exclusive patented ingredients for effective daily dental care get Colgate dental cream today Big economy size only 59 cents always use Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and Help stop tooth decay before it starts remember no other dentifers offers proof of such results Well as our miss Brooks headed for the biology lab stretch snot grass joined his pal Walter Denton and mr. Conklin's office They were cleaning out the files in the closet when Walter came to an old letter from the Board of Education When he finished reading it, he grabbed stretch by the shoulder. Hey stretch read this letter. Let's see You better read it to me Walter. I'm saving my eyes for batten practice Mr. Darwell when he was principal here it says dear sir It has come to the attention of the board that you have been Flavorately dictatorial in your dealings with the faculty as well as the student body as you know I approve of discipline, but your conduct lately has been overboard Therefore, please be advised that if you do not reverse your tyrannical methods at once I will be forced to convene the vote convene the board to consider your immediate replacement as principal of Madison High Sincerely Edgar T. Stone chairman you realize what that means stretch. Yeah, Mr. Darwell better watch his step Mr. Darwell hasn't been here for years and mr. Conklin could never have seen this letter It was buried under all kinds of junk now all we got to do is get some glue and reseal the envelope Luckily, it's just addressed to the principal's office Madison High I can type in mr. Conklin's name above it. Why should we do that water? So that mr. Conklin thinks he's gonna get the old heave-ho and start acting like a human being around here Boy, this will be the rib of all time. Now. Let me that typewriter for a minute that glue on the desk here water There all set you water you got a mind like Mack Lavelli. I Don't remember assigning two of you to this detail. Oh, what's that? You were about to place on my desk then Yes, oh, it's just a letter sir that miss Brooks gave it to me She didn't have time to open your mail yet sir, but I'm sure she'll be back Fabbling and hand me that letter Yes, sir. I gotta be running along now one moment. I may have some more chores for you boy First I'll see what the Board of Education has to say Just come to the attention of the board that you have been flagrantly dictatorial in your feelings Oh Boys it's better go now. Yes, sir. Come on water. We'll see you later. Yes Maybe Student teacher to take charge of my study period mr. Conklin now. I can get right to your mail one moment miss Brooks before you sit down Yeah, let me dust that chair for you I Sure, you'll be comfortable in this chair. I'd be happy to get you a cushion if you want me to It has always been my warmest desire to make take the burdens off my teachers make them as light as possible If you have any suggestions which might help me achieve this desire You have but to mention them and I am your willing slave your wish is my command I can't recall rubbing any lamps around here Now you just forget about that nasty old correspondence of mine I was just teasing when I said you'd have to go through all my mail You you toddlin out out to the grounds and sun yourself for a while Then when lunchtime comes meet mr. Boyman I know you're fond of him Have a nice leisurely luncheon together Yes, sir. I'll be happy to toddle along now, but first there's just one question. I'd like to ask what is that? I don't know who you are, but what are you doing with mr. Conklin's head on? Table by the window mr. Boynham coming miss Brooks. Hey cafeteria is pretty crowded today. Here's your tray I don't have much of an appetite myself in my second period. Mr. Conklin came into the lab and brought me a bag of donuts and a bottle of milk He said anyone who worked as diligently as I did needed more nourishment That's funny. He insisted that I take a walk around the campus and get some sun What's gotten into the old What's happened to mr. Conklin? Maybe he flipped Flipped an undergraduate expression I can't understand his sudden metamorphosis myself Well, he started off the day by roaring into my lab like a wounded bull elephant and asked me why my cages weren't ready for the cleanup Paintup fix-up campaign. I tried to explain that I I couldn't possibly paint them because I didn't have any dutch boy Couldn't you've used a brush instead? Dutch boy is the name of the paint miss Brooks But he wouldn't stand still for any explanations at all just bark get it done and stormed out of the office Then less than an hour later. He was back feeding me donuts. Well Maybe he's just yellowing with age i'm yellowing Pardon me miss Brooks mr. Boynton, but could stretch an icet down at this table with you for a minute I suppose so walter. Oh, we're glad to have you boys. Thanks, mr. Boynton I've got some news for you miss Brooks that'll enhance the enjoyment of your lunch a thousand fold But it's a deep dark secret you and mr. Boynton have both got to promise you won't be the word of this Well, I promise what's the secret water? You promise miss Brooks. Here's a fork take some blood It's about the letter mr. Conklin got from the board of education Sandy'd be replaced if he didn't stop acting so so Plagrantly dictatorial in his methods. Yeah to both the faculty and students. What? No wonder he's been so sweet to us all day. Well, suppose mr. Conklin finds out the letter's a phony a phony a phony? Not so loud No, there's nothing phony about the letter. It's perfectly legitimate except that it was sent to mr. Darwell six years ago Mr. Darwell mr. Conklin's predecessor. Yeah, mr. Conklin's Name on the old envelope glued it up. He came in and read it and ramrod Now that the x ramrod is bearing down on us. Well, I better be leaving now. No, you don't we're in this thing together Well, I've got to go paint cages if you act sufficiently now. We'll all be painting cages from the inside Yeah, just relax treat him like an equal there's nothing he can do about it Uh, what a happy side it is teachers and pupils breaking bread together Care to rip a hunk of toast with it Thank thank you I did want to chat with miss brooks for a moment if i'm not disturbing anything or not at all sir, please sit down Park over here. Yo flop Thank you so much boys Miss brooks as you know, I am a great believer in the power of meekness and humility Therefore in front of your friends. I come to you hat in hand to seek a favor Poor mr. Conklin Mother mighty have fallen quiet boys. What is it you want of me mr. Conklin? Miss brooks you have much influence with the student body as well as the faculty I wonder if you could get them to see me in the same light that you do aren't you in enough trouble already That is I I know what you mean miss brooks and you're right I have acted the martinet at times But it's only because of those compounded mottos in my office on every wall I'm confronted with signs spare the rod and spoil the child respect through power law of the jungle They they goad one miss brooks whip one into a frenzy of ambition until the real me is submerged snowed under Suffocated couldn't happen to a nicer guy Well, why don't you get rid of some of those signs mr. Conklin? Well an excellent idea mr. Boynton Perhaps I could replace them with more humane and genteel parables. I'm open to suggestions on that score as well How about I have been a marble headed monster? Walter that's very rude on the contrary miss brooks it has quite a ring to it In fact, it might come in handy as a reminder. I hope it mr. Conklin. Please please miss brooks. Well, if you say so marble head Music to my ears I've always been ready to criticize others for their shortcomings Perhaps if I had a list of my own to refer to each morning, it would help me be more tolerant Do you think you could compile one? It might take months Oh, you walter dendon No miss brooks. I don't believe I've ever mentioned it before but I love this boy I'm sure you do mr. Conklin. I can tell by the way the veins stand out in your neck when you say Well, I'm serious about this list of my shortcomings miss brooks I'll be deeply grateful if you bring a list containing all your complaints to my office as soon as possible Now remember miss brooks don't try to spare my feelings Give it to me with both barrels. You'll be helping me in the end. Mr. Conklin. I can't think of anything I'd rather do with both barrels I'll swore you daddy. Thank you harry. It. You're a dear sweet girl Do you feel all right daddy? As well as could be expected harry. Let me clean some of this junk off your desk You don't need this old letter anymore. Do you old letter? What old letter? This one from the board of education. The envelope was postmarked 1944 1944 Let's see that Uh They must have taken this from mr. Darwell's files and typed my name on the envelope What are you talking about dad harry? It your daddy has been the victim of a monumental hopes But now the shoe is on the other foot and believe me. This is the foot that knows how to use it Ah, that must be the committee. I want to see them alone harry. Please leave by the other door I'd rather stay and see what it's all about dad. I don't care what you'd rather I'm with the helm of the ship go Yes daddy I mean we uh brought the little reminder for your desk, mr. Conklin. Oh Oh, it's you mr. Brooks forgive me for not rising without my glasses. I didn't notice that a lady had entered the room Let's watch that fellow I will Now if you'll be kind enough to read me your bill of particulars concerning my various infamills We're all going to read some of it mr. Conklin. Would you begin mr. Brooks? Thank you, mr. Barton whereas I as good conklin principal of madison high school Desiring to improve relations between myself the faculty and the student body your turn walter Do promise to keep the following ever before me as a reminder of past sins of which I am heartily ashamed And which I ain't never gonna repeat no more Let me let it please continue. Wait till you hear this I readily admit that on many occasions. I have acted like a pompous puffed up ill-tempered Adelpated blowhard Forgive me, but it seems to me you've omitted Mal adjusted, please don't interrupt. That's in the next paragraph Now where was I? Adelpated blowhard. Oh, yes Adelpated blowhard and on other occasions. I have bellowed like a bull screamed like an elephant hissed like a vipers Noted like a buffalo and otherwise exhibited the behavior of a maladjusted nincompoop Oh, oh, oh, there it is Now before you go any further, I'd like you all to sign this document for me. Oh, we already have mr. Conklin Oh, good good Then perhaps you'd be kind enough to autograph this other manuscript sent from the board of education in this envelope postmark 1944 and intended for my unfortunate predecessor Who doubtless had to contend with just such perfidious malcontents as you who stand quaking before me this very moment Just a moment, but first Yes tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Luster cream world's finest shampoo No other shampoo in the world gives you k-dumas magic blend of secret ingredients Plus gentle lanolin Better than a soap better than a liquid luster cream is a dainty cream shampoo Leaves hair three ways lovelier Fragmently clean free of loose dandruff listening with sheen Soft manageable even in hardest water luster cream lathers instantly No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo So gentle luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair Tonight. Yes tonight try luster cream shampoo Dream girl dream girl beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to A luster cream And now once again here is our miss brooks Having expected a one-way ticket to devil's island I thought the punishment mr. Conklin meted out was comparatively just However, it was after seven o'clock that evening before I got home Why conny I was beginning to get worried about you. We're in the world if you've been all afternoon I was doing a little writing mrs. Davis writing. What were you writing? Oh, I don't think you'd be interested It's not your type of stuff. I'm interested in everything you do conny. Please tell me all about it Well, if you insist mrs. Davis, but you'd better sit down. This may take quite a while. All right There Now what did you write? I wrote our principle is the best principle that any school ever had our principle is the best principle of any school Ever had our pen principle is the best principle Next week soon into another hour miss brooks show Brought to you by luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous Perressable hair and polegate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay Our miss brooks starring eve arden is produced by larry burns directed by al lewis with music by wilber hatch Mr. Boynton is played by jeff chandler. Mr. Conklin by gale gordon Others in tonight's cast where jane morgan dick crana gloria mcmillan and lannard smith Doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you a lovelier complexion in 14 days Yes, 36 leading skin specialists proved in tests on 1285 different women that palm olive soap facials using nothing but palm olive Brought new complexion beauty to two women out of three Just wash your face three times daily with palm olive soap each time for 60 seconds Massaging palm olive's beauty lather onto your skin then rinse So start your palm olive facials today Remember doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you a lovelier complexion in 14 days For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs listen to mister and mrs. North The exciting fun fact adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations and be with us again next week at this same time For another comedy episode of our miss brooks bob laman speaking