 Chapter 7 of Quit Your Worrying by George Wharton James This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Gillian Hendry Causes of Worry Worry is as multi-form and as diverse as are the people who worry. Indeed, worriers are the most ingenious persons in the world. When every possible source of worry seems to be removed, they proceed immediately to invent some new cause which an ordinary, healthful mind could never have conceived. The causes of worry are innumerable. They represent the sum total of the errors, faults, missteps, unholy aims, ambitions, foibles, weaknesses and crimes of men. Every error, mistake, weakness, crime and so on is a source of worry, a cause of worry. Worry is connected only with the weak, the human, the evil side of human nature. It has no place, whatever, in association with goodness, purity, holiness, faith, courage and trust in God. When good men and women worry, insofar as they worry, they are not good. Their worry is a sign of weakness, of lack of trust in God, of unbelief, of unfaithfulness. The man who knows God and his relationship to man, who knows his own spiritual nature and his relationship to God, never worries. There is no possible place in such a man's life for worry. Hence it will be seen that I believe worry to be evil and nothing but evil, and therefore without one reclaiming or redeeming feature, for it can be productive of nothing but evil. If you really desire to know the sources of your worry, study each worry as it comes up. Analyse it, dissect it, wait, examine it from every standpoint, judge it by the one test that everything in life must and ought to submit to, namely its usefulness. What use is it to you? How necessary to your existence? How helpful is it in solving the problems that confront you? How far does it aid you in their solution? Where in does it remove the obstacles before your pathway? Find out how much it strengthens, invigorates, inspires you. Ask yourself how much it encourages and heartens, emboldens you. Put down on paper every slightest item of good or help or inspiration it is to you. And on the other hand, the harm, the discouragement, the evil, the fears it brings to you, and then strike a balance. I can tell you beforehand that after ten years study, if so long were necessary, you will fail to find one good thing in favour of worry, and that every item you will enumerate will be against it. Hence, why worry? Quit it. Worry, like all evils, feeds on itself and grows greater by its own exercise. Did it decline when exercised, diminish when allowed a free course? One might let it alone, even encourage it, in order that it might the sooner be dead. But unfortunately it works the other way. The more one worries, the more he continues to worry. The more he yields to it, the greater becomes its power. It is a species of hypnotism. Once allowed to control, each new exercise diminishes the victim's power of resistance. Never was Monster more cruel, more relentless, more certain to hang on to the bitter end than worry. He shows no mercy, has not the slightest spark of relenting or yielding, and his power is all the greater because it is so subtle. He wants you to be careful. Taking good care, however, not to let you know that he means to make you full of care. He pleads love as the cause for his existence. He would have you love your child, hence worry about him. He thus trades on your affection to blind you to your child's best interests by worrying about him. For when worry besets you, is harassing you on every hand, how can you possibly devote your wisdom, your highest intelligence, to safeguarding the welfare of the one you love? Never was a slave in the south, though in the hands of a legree, more to be pitied than the slave of worry. He dogs every footstep, is vigilant every moment. He never sleeps, never tires, never relaxes, never releases his hold, so long as it is possible for him to retain it. When you seek to awaken people to the terror, the danger they early harm their slavery to worry is bringing to them. They are so completely in worry's power that they weakly respond, but I can't help it. And they verily believe they can't, that their bondage is a natural thing, a state ordained from the foundation of the world, altogether ignoring the frightful reflection such a belief is upon the goodness of God and his fatherly care for his children. Natural, it is the most unnatural thing in existence. Do the birds worry, the beasts of the field, the clouds, the winds, the sun, moon, stars and comets, the trees, the flowers, the raindrops? How Bryant rebukes the worrier in his wonderful poem, to a waterfowl, and cilia thakston in her sandpiper. The former sings of the fowl, winging its solitary way, where, quote, rocking billows rise and sink on the chafed ocean side, end quote. Yet though lone wandering, it is not lost. And from its protection he deduces the lesson, quote, he who, from zone to zone, guides through the boundless sky by certain flight, in the long way that I must tread alone, will lead my steps aright, end quote. And so cilia thakston sang of the sandpiper, quote, he has no thought of any wrong, he scans me with a fearless eye, end quote. And her faith expressed itself in a later verse, quote, I do not fear for thee, though wroth the tempest rushes through the sky, for are we not God's children both, thou little sandpiper and I, end quote. There is no worry in nature. It is man alone that worries. Nature goes on her appointed way each day, unperturbed, unvext, carefree, doing her allotted tasks and resting absolutely in the almighty, sustaining power behind her. Should man do any less? Should man, the reasoning creature with intelligence to see, way, judge, appreciate, alone be uncertain of the fatherly goodness of God, alone be unable to discern the wisdom and love behind all things. Worry therefore is an evidence that we do not trust the all fatherliness of God. It is also the direct product of vanity, pride, and self-conceit. If these three qualities of evil in the human heart could be removed, a vast aggregate amount of worry would die instantly. No one can study his fellow creatures and not soon learn that an immense amount of worry is caused by these three evils. We are worried lest our claims to attention are not fully recognized, lest our worth be not observed, our proper station accorded to us, how we press our paltry little claims upon others, how we glorify our own insignificant deeds, how large, loom up, our small and puny acts, the whole universe centres in us. Our ego is a most important thing. Our work of the highest value and significance, our worth most inestimable. The fact of the matter is, most men and women are inestimable, their deeds of value, their lives of importance. Our particular circle needs us, as we need those who compose it. We are all important, but few indeed are there whose power, influence, and importance reach far. Most of the men and women of the world are ordinary. A man may be a king in Wall Street and yet influence, but few outside of his own immediate sphere. Most probably he is unknown to the great mass of mankind. Advantitious circumstances bring some men and women more prominently before the world than others, but even such fame as this is transient, evanescent, and of little importance. The devoted love of our own small circle, the reliable friendship of the few, the blind adoration of the pet dog, are worth more than all the fame, the ecla, the renown of the multitude. And where we have such love, friendship, and blind adoration, let us rest content therein and smile at the floods of temporary and evanescent emotion which sweep over the mob, but do not have us for their object. I have just read a letter which perfectly illustrates how our vanity, our pride, and personal importance bring much worry to us. The writer, practically a stranger coming from a faraway state, evidently expected to be received with a cordial welcome and open arms by one who scarcely knew him, given an important place in a lengthy programme where men of national reputation were to speak and generally be treated with deference and respect. Unfortunately, his name was not placed in full on the programme. Currently initialed, he called it. And owing to its length, the chairman caused me to spoil my remarks by asking me to shorten them. And a hotel clerk outrageously insulted him when he asked for information. Then to make ill matters worse, piling ossa upon Pellion, he was asked to speak at a certain club with others. One of the newspapers in reporting the event commented upon what the others said and did but ignore him. This he thought might have been merely an oversight, but when the next day he saw another report wherein he was not mentioned, he was certain it was a deliberate intention to ignore him. He then asks that the person to whom he writes try to find out who is responsible for this affront and tell him in order that he may worry some more, I suppose, over trying to get back at him. Poor poor fellow, how he is to be pitied for being so sensitive, so sure that people regard him enough to want to affront him. Here is a perfect illustration of the worries caused by vanity. Five complaints in one letter of indignities or affronts that an ordinary robust, red-blooded man would have passed by without notice. If I were to worry over the times I have been ignored and neglected, I should worry every day. I am fairly well known to many hundreds of thousands of people who read my books, my magazine articles and hear my lectures. Yet I often go to cities and there are no brass bands, no committee, no flowers or banquet to welcome me. No indeed, the indignity is thrust upon me of having to walk to the hotel, carry my own grip and register the same as any other ordinary common everyday man. Why should not my blood boil when I think of it? Then too, when I recall how often my addresses are ignored in the local press ought not I to be aroused to fierce ire? When a hotel clerk fails to recognise my national importance and gives me a flippant answer when I ask for information, should I not deem it time that the Secretary of State interfere and write a state paper upon the matter? O vanity, conceit, pride, how many sleepless hours of worry and fret you bring to your victims. And the pitiable, the lamentable thing about it all is that they congratulate themselves upon being filled with laudable pride, recognising their own importance and knowing that honourable ambition is beneficial. Nothing that causes unnecessary heartaches and worry is worthwhile. And of all the prolific causes of these woes, commend me to the vanity, the conceit, the pride of small minds and petty natures. False pride leads its victim to want to make a false impression. He puts on a false appearance. He wishes to appear wiser, better in easier circumstances, richer than he is. He wears a false front. He is unnatural. He dare not, having decided to make the appearance and win the impression of falseness, be natural. Hence, he is self-conscious all the time, lest he make a slip, contradict himself, lose the result he is seeking to attain. He is to be compared to an actor whose part requires him to wear a wig, a false moustache, a false chin. In the hurry of preparation, these shams are not adjusted properly, and the actor rushes on the stage, fearful every moment lest his wig is awry, his moustache fall off, or the chin slip aside and make him ridiculous. He dare not stop to make sure to fix them if they are wrong, as that would reveal their falsity immediately. He can only play on, sweating blood the while. In the case of the actor, one can laugh at the temporary fear and worry. But what a truly pitiable object is the man, the woman, whose whole life is one dread worry, lest his, her, false appearance be discovered. And while pride and vanity are not the only sources of these attempts to make false impressions upon others, they are the most prolific source. In another chapter, I have treated more fully of this phase of the subject. Wastefulness, extravagance is a prolific source of worry. Spend today, starve tomorrow. Throw your money to the birds today, tomorrow the crow, Jay and vulture will laugh and mock at you. Feast today, next week you may starve. Riches take to themselves wings and fly away. No one is absolutely safe. And while many thousands go through life indifferent about their expenditures, wasteful and extravagant, and do not seem to be brought to time, therefore, it must not be forgotten that tens of thousands start out to do the same thing and fail. What is the result? Worry over the folly of the attempt. Worry as to where the necessary things for the future are coming from. While I would not have the well-to-do feel that they must be niggeredly, I would earnestly warn them against extravagance, against the acquiring of expensive habits of wastefulness that later on may be chains of accrual bondage. Why forge fetters upon oneself? Far better to be free now, and thus cultivate freedom for whatever future may come. For as sure as sure can be, willful waste and reckless extravagance now will sometime or other produce worry. One great, deep, awful source of worry is our failure to accept the inevitable. Something happens. We willfully shut our eyes to the fact that this something has changed forever the current of our lives. And if the new current seems evil, if it brings discomfort, separation, change of circumstance, and so on, we worry and worry and continue to worry. This is lamentably foolish, utterly absurd, and altogether reprehensible. Let us resolutely face the facts, accept them, and then reshape our lives bravely and valiantly to suit the new conditions. For instance, a friend of mine spent 20 years in the employ of a great corporation. As a reward of faithful service, he was finally put in a responsible position as the head of a department, and a few months ago he was sent east on a special mission connected with his work. Just before his return, the corporation elected a new president who shook up the whole concern, changed around several officials, dismissed others, and, in the case of my friend, supplanted him by a new man imported from the east, offering him a subordinate position, but at the same salary he had before been receiving. How should this man have treated this settled fixed fact in his life? He had two great broad pathways open to him. In one, he would deliberately recognize and accept the changed condition, acquiesce in it, and live accordingly. It is not pleasant to be supplanted, but if another man is appointed to do the work you have been doing, and your superiors think he can do it better than you have been doing it, then manfully face the facts and accord him the most sincere and hearty support. It may be hard, but our training and discipline, which means our improvement and advancement, come not from doing the easy and pleasant things, but from striving cheerfully and pleasantly to do the arduous and disagreeable ones. The other way open for my friend was to resent the change, accept it with anger, let his vanity be winded, and begin to worry over it. What would have been the probable result? The moment he began to worry, his efficiency would have decreased, and he would thus have prepared himself for another blow from his employers, another change less to his advantage, and with a possible reduction in salary. His employers, too, would have pointed to his decreased efficiency, the only thing they consider, as justification for their act. I would not say that if a man in such a case as I have described deems that he has been treated unjustly should not protest, but when he has protested and a decision has been rendered against him, let him accept the judgment with serenity, refuse to worry over it, and go to work with loyalty and faithfulness, or else seek new employment. Even on the other hand, where he to have been discharged, there could have come no good from yielding to worry, accept the inevitable, do not argue or fret about it, put worry aside, go to work to find a new position, and make what seemed to be an evil the stepping stone to something better. Mrs. Jessie Benton Fremont, the wife of the gallant pathfinder, General Fremont, was afflicted with deafness in the later years of her life. She, the pettied and flattered, the caressed and spoiled child of fortune, the honoured and respected women of power and superior ability, deaf and unable to participate in the conversation going on around her. Many of women under these conditions would have become irritable, erasable, and a reviler of fate. To any woman, it would have been a great deprivation, but to one mentally endowed, as Mrs. Fremont, it was especially severe. Yet did she worry about it? No. Bravely, cheerfully, boldly, she accepted the inevitable, and in effect defied the deafness that had come to her to destroy her happiness, embitter her life, take away the serenity of her mind and the equipoise of her soul. If there had to be a battle to gain this high plane of acceptance, she fought it out in secret, for her friends and the world never heard a word of a murmur from her. I had the joy of a talk with her about it, for it was a joy to have her make light of her affliction in the great number of good things wherein God had blessed her. Laughingly, she said, even in deafness, I find many compensations. One is never bored by conversation that is neither intelligent, instructive or interesting. I can go to sleep under the most persistent flood of boredom, and like the proverbial water on a duck's back, it never bothers me. Again, I never hear the unpleasant things said about either my friends or my enemies, and what a blessing that is. I am also spared hearing about many of the evils, the disagreeable, the unpleasant and horrible things of life that I cannot change, help or alleviate, and I am thankful for my ignorance. Then again, when people say things that I can and do here in my trumpet, that I don't think anyone should ever say, I can rebuke them by making them think that I heard them say the very opposite of what they did say, and I smile upon them, and am a villain still. Charles F. Lummis, the well-known literature and organizer of the Southwest Museum of Los Angeles, after using his eyes and brain more liberally than most men do in a lifetime thrice or four times as long as his, was unfortunately struck blind. Did he worry over it and fret himself into a worse condition? No, not for a moment. Cheerfully, he accepted the inevitable, but someone to read and write for him, to guide him through the streets and went ahead with his work just as if nothing had happened, looking forward to the time when his eyesight would be restored to him and hopefully and intelligently worked to that end. In a year or so, he and his friends were made happy by that coming to pass. But even had it not been so, I am assured Dr. Lummis would have faced the inevitable without a whimper, a cry, or a word of worry or complaint. Those who yield to worry over small physical ills should read his inspiring My Friend Will. Footnote, My Friend Will, by C. F. Lummis, A. C. McClerk Co., Chicago, and of Footnote. A personal record of his successful struggle against two severe and frustrating attacks of paralysis. One perusal will show them the folly and futility of worry. A second will shame them because they have so little self-control as to spend their time, strength, and energy in worry. And a third perusal will lead them to drive every fragment of worry out of the hidden recesses of their minds and set them upon a better way, a way of serenity, equipoise, and healthful, strenuous, yet joyous and radiant living. Recently, I had a conversation with the former superintendent of a poor farm which bears upon this subject in a practical way. In relating some of his experiences, he told of a rough neck, a term implying an ignorant man of rude, turbulent, quarrelsome disposition, who had threatened to kill the foreman of the farm. Owing to their irreconcilable differences, the rough inmate decided to leave and so informed the superintendent, thus practically dismissing himself from the institution. A year later, he returned and asked to be readmitted. After a survey of the whole situation, the superintendent decided that it was not wise to readmit him and that he would better secure a situation for him outside. He offered to do so and the man left apparently satisfied. Three days later, he reappeared, entered the office with a loaded and cocked revolver held behind his back and abruptly announced, I've come to blow out your brains. Before he could shoot, the superintendent was upon him and a fierce struggle ensued for the possession of the weapon. The superintendent at last took it away, secured help and handcuffed the would-be murderer. Realising that his act was the result of at least partial insanity, the was-to-be victim did not press the charge of murderous assault but allowed, indeed urged, that he be sent to the insane asylum where he now is. Now, this is the point I wish to make. It is perfectly within the bounds of possibility that this man will someday be regarded as safely sane. Yet it is well known by the awful experiences of many such cases that it is both possible and probable that during the months or years of his incarceration he will continue to harbour even to feed and foster the bitter feeling the hatred perhaps that led him to attempt the murder of the superintendent and that on his release he will again attempt to carry out his nefarious and awful design. What then should be the mental attitude of the superintendent and his family? ought they not to be worried? I got the answer for my readers from this man and it is so perfectly in accord with my own principles that I find great pleasure in recording it. Said he, quote, Don't think for one moment that I minimise the possible danger. The asylum physician who was familiar with the whole circumstances warned me not to rest in fancied security. I have notified the proper officials that the man who attempted to murder me is not to be released either as cured or on parole without giving me sufficient notice. I do not wish that he should be kept in the asylum a single day longer than is fully necessary but before I allow him to be released I must be thoroughly satisfied that he has no murderous designs on me and that he is truly and satisfactorily repentant for the attack he made when ostensibly he was mentally irresponsible. I shall require that he be put on record as fully understanding and appreciating his own personal responsibility for my safety so that should he still hold any wrongful designs and afterwards succeed in carrying them out he or his attorneys will be debarred from again pleading insanity or mental incompetency. Hence, while I fully realise the possibility of danger I do not have a moments worry about it I have done and shall do all I can satisfactorily to protect myself without any feeling of harshness or desire to injure the poor fellow and there I let the matter rest to take care of itself. End quote. This is practical wisdom this is sane philosophy not ignoring the danger poo-pooing it scoffing at it and refusing to recognise it but calmly, sanely with a kindly heart looking at possible contingencies preparing for them and then serenely trusting to the spiritual forces of life to control events to a wise and satisfactory issue. Can you suggest anything better? Is not such a course immeasurably better than to allow himself to worry and fret and fear all the time. Practical precaution taken without enmity note these italicised words trustful serenity faithful performance of present duty unhampered by fears and worries this is the rational, normal, philosophic, sane course to follow. Another great source of worry is our failure to distinguish essentials from non-essentials what are the essentials for life? For a man honesty, truth, earnestness, strength, health, ability to work and work to do. He may or may not be handsome he may or may not have wealth, position, fame, education but to be a man among men these other things he must have. For a woman health, love, work and such virtues as both men and women need. She might enjoy friends but they are not essential as health or work. She would be a strange woman if she did not prize beauty but devoted love is worth far more than beauty or all the conquests it brings. What is the essential for a chair? Its capacity to be used to sit upon with comfort a house that it is adapted to the making of a home. You don't buy a printing press to curl your hair with but to print and in accordance with its printing power is it judged. A boat's usefulness is determined by its worthiness in the water to carry safely, rapidly, largely as is demanded of it. This is a judgment of the sanity demands of everything. What is essential? What not? Is it essential to be a society leader? To belong to every club? To hold office? To give as many dinners as one's neighbours? To have a bigger house? Furniture with brighter polish? Bigger carvings and more ugly designs than anyone else in town? To have our names in the papers oftener than others? To have more servants? A newer style automobile? Put on more show, pump, ceremony and circumstance than our friends? By no means. O, for men and women who have the discerning power, the sight for the essential things, the determination to have them and let non-essentials go. They are the wise ones, the happy ones, the free from worry ones. Later, I shall refer extensively to Mrs. Canfield's book, The Squirrel Cage. She has many wise utterances on this phase of the worry question. For instance, in referring to the mad race for wealth and position, that keeps a man away from home so many hours of the day that his wife and child's scares know him. She introduces the following dialogue. Quote, One of them whose house isn't far from mine told me that he hadn't seen his children except asleep for three weeks, but something ought to be done about it. The girl's deep lying instinct for instant reparation rose up hotly. Are they so much worse off than most American businessmen? Do any of them feel they can take the time to see much more than the outside of their children and isn't seeing them asleep about us? Lydia cut him short quickly. You're always blaming them for that, she cried. You ought to pity them. They can't help it. It's better for the children to have bread and butter, isn't it? Rankin shook his head. I can't be fooled with that sort of talk. I've lived with too many kinds of people. At least half the time it is not a question of bread and butter. It's a question of giving the children bread and butter and sugar rather than bread and butter and father. Of course, I'm a fanatic on the subject. I'd rather leave off even the butter than the father, let alone the sugar. Later on, Lydia herself lost her father and after his death, her own whale was. I never lived with my father. He was always away in the morning before I was up. I was away or busy in the evening when he was there. On Sundays, he never went to church as mother and I did. I suppose now because he had some other religion of his own. But if he had, I never knew what it was or anything else that was in his mind or heart. It never occurred to me that I could. He tried to love me. I remember so many times now and that makes me cry. Have he tried to love me? He was so glad to see me when I got home from Europe, but he never knew anything that happened to me. I told you once before that when I had pneumonia and nearly died, mother kept it from him because he was on a big case. It was all like that always. He never knew. Dr. Melton broke in. His voice uncertain. His face horrified. Lydia, I can't let you go on. You are unfair. You shock me. You are morbid. I knew your father intimately. He loved you beyond expression. He would have done anything for you. But his profession is an exacting one. Put yourself in his place a little. It is all or nothing in the law as in business. But Lydia replied, When you bring children into the world, you expect to have them cost you some money, don't you? You know you mustn't let them die of starvation. Why oughtn't you to expect to have them cost you thought and some sharing of your life with them and some time, real time, not just scraps that you can't use for business? She made the same appeal once to her husband in regard to their own lives. She wanted to see and know more of him, his business, his inner life. And this was her cry. Paul, I'm sure there's something the matter with the way we live. I don't like it. I don't see that it helps us a bit or anyone else. You're just killing yourself to make money that goes to get things we don't need nearly as much as we need more of each other. We're not getting a bit nearer to each other, actually further away, for we're both getting different from what we were without the others knowing how. And we're not getting nicer. And what's the use of living if we don't do that? We're just getting more and more set on scrambling ahead of other people and we're not even having a good time out of it. And here is Ariadne and another one coming and we've nothing to give them but just this, this, this. Paul laughed a little impatiently, irritated and uneasy as he always was at any attempt to examine too closely the foundations of existing ideas. Why Lydia, what's the matter with you? You sound as though you'd been reading some full socialist literature or something. You know I don't read anything, Paul. I never hear about anything but novels. I never have time for anything else and very likely I couldn't understand it if I read it, not having any education. That's one thing I want you to help me with. All I want is a chance for us to live together a little more, to have a few more thoughts in common and all to be trying to make something better out of ourselves for our children's sake. I can't see that we're learning to be anything but you to be an efficient machine for making money, I to think of how to entertain as though we had more money than we really have. I don't seem really to know you or live with you any more than if we were two guests stopping at the same hotel. If socialists are trying to fix things better why shouldn't we have time, both of us, to read their books and you could help me know what they mean. Paul laughed again, a scornful, hateful laugh which brought the colour up to Lydia's pale face like a blow. I gather then, Lydia, that what you're asking me to do is to neglect my business in order to read socialistic literature with you. His wife's rare resentment rose. She spoke with dignity. I beg you to be serious, Paul, and to try to understand what I mean, although I'm so fumbling and say it so badly. As for its being impossible to change things, I've heard you say a great many times that there are no conditions that can't be changed if people would really try. Good heavens! I said that of business conditions. Shouted Paul, outraged at being so misquoted. Well, if it's true of them, no, I feel that things are the way they are because we don't really care enough to have them some other way. If you really cared as much about sharing a part of your life with me, really sharing, as you do about getting the Washburn contract. Her indignant and angry tone, so entirely unusual, moved Paul, more than her words, to shocked protest. He looked deeply winded, and his accent was that of a man righteously aggrieved. Lydia, I lay most of this absurd outbreak to your nervous condition, and so I can't blame you for it, but I can't help pointing out to you that it is entirely uncalled for. There are few women who have a husband as absolutely devoted as yours. You grumble about my not sharing my life with you. Why, I give it to you entire. His astonished bitterness grew as he voiced it. What am I working so hard for if not to provide for you and our child, our children? Good heavens, what more can I do for you than to keep my nose on the grindstone every minute? There are limits to even a husband's time and endurance and capacity for work. End quote. Hence, it will be seen that I would have one quit worrying about the non-essentials of life. And this is best done by giving full heed to the essentials and letting the others go. Naturally, if one willfully and purposefully determined to follow non-essentials, he may as well recognize the fact, soon as late, that he has deliberately chosen a course that cannot fail to produce its own many and irritating worries. Another serious cause of worry is bashfulness. One who is bashful finds in his intercourse with his fellows many worries. His hands and feet are too large. He blushes at a word. He doesn't know what to say or how. He is confused if attention is directed his way. His thoughts fly to the ends of the earth the moment he is addressed. And if he is expected to say anything, his worries increase so that his pain and distress are manifest to all. To such a one, I would say, assert your manhood, your womanhood. Race up, face the music. Remember these facts. You are dealing with men and women, youths and maidens of the same flesh and blood, mentality as yourself. You average up with the rest of them. Why should you be afraid? Call upon your reasoning power. Assert the dignity of your own existence. You are here by the will of God as much as they. There is a purpose in your creation as much as in theirs. You have a right to be seen and heard as well as have they. Your life may be charged with importance to mankind far more than theirs. Anyhow, for what it is, large or small, you are going to use it to the full and you do not propose to be laughed out of it, sneered out of it, either by the endeavors of others or by your own fears of others. Then, when you have once fully reasoned the thing out, do not hesitate to plunge into the fullest possible association with your fellows. Brave them, defy them in your own heart. Resolutely face them. And my word and assurance for it, they will lose their terror and you will lose your bashfulness with a speed that will astonish you. Closely allied to bashfulness as a cause of many worries is hyper or super-sensitiveness. And yet it is an entirely different mental attitude. Hypersensitiveness may cause bashfulness, but there are many thousands of hypersensitives who have not a spark of bashfulness in their condition. They are full of vanity or self-conceit. Elsewhere, I have referred to one of these. Or they are hypersensitive in regard to their health. They mustn't do this or that or the other. They must be careful not to sit near a window. Allow a door to be open or go into an unworn room. Their feet must never be wet or their clothing. And as we're sleeping in a cold room or getting up before the fire is lighted, they could not live through such awful hardships. I have no desire to excoriate or make fun of those who really suffer from chronic invalidism. Yet I am fully assured that much of the hypersensitiveness of the neurasthenic and hypochondriac could be removed by a little rude, rough, and tumble contact with life. It would do most of these people no harm to follow the advice given by Abernethy, the great English physician, to a pampered, overfed hypersensitive. Live on six pints a day and earn it. I have found few hypersensitives among the poor. Poverty is a fine cure for most cases, so there are those who cling to their pride of birth of education or, God knows what, of insane belief in their superiority over ordinary mortals and make that the occasion or cause of the innumerable and fretting worries of hypersensitiveness. Another serious cause of worry in this busy, bustling, rapid age is the need we feel for hurry. We are caught in the mad rush and its influence leads us to feel that we too must rush. There is no earthly reason for our hurry and yet we cannot seem to help it. Hurry means worry. Rush spells fret. Haste makes waste. You live in the country and are a commuter. You must be in the city on the stroke of nine. To do this, you must catch the 807. You have your breakfast to get and it takes six minutes to walk to the station. No one can do it comfortably unless. Yet every morning, ever since you took this country cottage, you have had to rush through your breakfast and rush to the depot in order to catch the train. Thus starting the day on the rush, you have continued on the stretch all day and get back home at night, tired out, frettied and worried almost to death. Even when you sit down to breakfast, you begin to worry if wifey doesn't have everything ready. You know you'll be late. You feel it. And if the toast and coffee are not on the table, the moment you sit down, your quarrelless complaints strike the morning air. Now what's the use? Why don't you get up 10, 15 or 20 minutes earlier and thus give yourself time to eat comfortably and thus get over the worry of your rush? Set the alarm clock for seven or 6.45 or even 6.30. Far better get up half an hour too early than worry yourself, your wife and the whole household by your insane hurry. Your worry is wholly unnecessary and shows a fearful lack of simple intelligence. Annie Laurie, who writes many sage councils in the San Francisco Examiner, had an excellent article on this subject in the issue of December 31st, 1915. She wrote, quote, Here is something that I saw out of my window. It has given me the big thought for my biggest New Year's resolution. The man at the corner house ran down the steps in a terrible hurry. He saw the car coming up the hill and whistled to it from the porch, but the man who was running the car did not hear the whistle. Anyway, he didn't stop the car and the man on the steps looked as if he'd like to catch the conductor of that car and do something distinctly unfriendly to him and do it right then and there. He jammed his hat down over his forehead and started walking very fast. What's your hurry? said the man he was passing on the corner. What's your hurry, Joe? And the man at the corner held out his hand. Well, I'll be, said Joe, and he held out his hand too. If it isn't, and it was, and they both laughed and shook hands and clapped each other on the back and shook hands again. What's your hurry? said the man on the corner again. I don't know, said the man who was so cross because he'd lost his car. Nothing much, I guess. And he laughed and the other man laughed and they shook hands again. And the last I saw of them, they had started down the street right in the opposite direction from which the man in the hurry had started to go and they weren't in a hurry at all. Do you know what I wished right then and there? I wished that every time I get into the senseless habit of rushing everywhere and tearing through everything as if it was my last day on Earth and there wasn't a minute left to lose. Somebody would stop me on the corner of whatever street of circumstance I may be starting to cross and say to me in friendly fashion, what's the hurry? What is the hurry after all? Where are we all going? What for? What difference does it make whether I read my paper at eight o'clock in the morning or at half past nine? Will the world stop swinging in its orbit if I don't meet just so many people a day, write so many letters, hear so many lectures, skim through so many books? Of course, if I'm earning my living, I must work for it and work not only honestly, but hard. But it seems to me that most of the terrific hurrying we do hasn't much to do with really essential work after all. It's a kind of habit we get into, a sort of madness, like the thing that overtakes the crowd at a ferry landing or the entrance to a train. I've seen men and women too fairly fight to get onto a particular car when the next car would have done just exactly as well. Where are they going in such a hurry? To save a life? To mend a broken heart? To help to heal a wounded spirit? Or are they just rushing because the rest do it? What do they get out of life these people who are always in a rush? Look, the laurel tree in my California garden is full of bursting buds. The rains are beginning and the trees will soon be flecked with the silver veil of blossoms. I hadn't noticed it before. I've been too busy. What's your hurry? Come, friend of my heart, I'll say that to you today and say it in deep and friendly earnest. What's your hurry? Come, let's go for a walk together and see if we can find out. Let us keep finding out through all the new year. There are many other causes of worry, some of them so insidious, so powerful, as to call for treatment in special chapters. End of chapter seven. Chapter eight of Quit Your Worrying by George Wharton James. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Gillian Henry. Protein forms of worry. In a preceding chapter, I have shown that worry is a product of our modern civilization and that it belongs only to the Occidental world. It is a modern disease, prevalent only among the so-called civilized peoples. There is no doubt that in many respects, we are what we call ourselves the most highly civilized people in the world. But do we not pay too high a price for much of our civilization? If it is such that it fails to enable us to conserve our health, our powers of enjoyment, our spontaneity, our mental vigor, our spirituality and the exuberant radiance of our life, bodily, mental, spiritual. I feel that we need to examine it carefully and find out wherein lies its inadequacy or its insufficiency. While our civilization has reached some very elevated points and some men have made wonderful advancement in varied fields, it cannot be denied that the mass of men and women are still groping along in the darkness of mental mediocrity and on the mudflats of the commonplace. 10,000 men and women can now read where 10 alone read a few centuries ago. But what are the 10,000 reading? That which will elevate, improve, benefit? See the piles of sensational yellow novels, magazines and newspapers that deluge us day by day, week by week, month by month for the answer. True, there are many who desire the better forms of literature and for these we give thanks. They are of the salt that saves our civilization. I do not wish to seem even to be cynical or pessimistic but when I look at some of the mental pabulum that our newspapers supply I cannot but feel that we are making vast efforts to maintain the commonplace and dignify the trivial. For instance, look at the large place the beauty department of a newspaper occupies in the thoughts of thousands of women and girls. Instead of seeking to know what they should do to keep their bodies and minds healthful and vigorous they are deeply concerned over their physical appearance. They write and ask questions that show how worried they are about their skin freckles, pimples, discolourations, patches and so on. Their complexion, their hair, its colour, glossiness, quantity how it should be dressed and a thousand and one things that clearly reveal the improper emphasis placed upon them. I do not wish to ignore the basic facts behind these anxious questionings. It is right and proper that women and men also should give due attention to their physical appearance but when it becomes a mere matter of the outward show of cosmetics, powders, rouges, washes, pencils and things that affect the outside only then the emphasis is in the wrong place and we are worrying about the wrong thing. Our appearance is mainly the result of our physical and mental condition. If the body is healthy the skin and hair will need no special attention and indeed every wise person knows that the application of many of the cosmetics and so on, commonly used is injurious if not positively dangerous. Then too, observation shows that too many women and girls go beyond reasonable attention to these matters and begin to worry over them. Once become slaves to worry and every hour of the day some new irritant will arise, some new dope is advertised, some new fashion devised, some new frivolity developed. Vanity and worry now begin to vie with each other as to which shall annoy and vex sting and irritate their victim the more. Each is a nightmare of a different breed but no sooner does one bound from the saddle before the other puts in an appearance and compels its victim to a performance. Only a thorough awakening can shake such nightmares off and comparatively few have any desire to be awakened. I have watched such victims and they arouse in me both laughter and sadness. One is sure her hair is not the proper colour to match her complexion and eyes, it must be dyed. Then follows the worries as to what dye she shall use and methods of application. Invariably the results produce worry for they are never satisfactory and now she is worried while dressing, while eating and when she goes out into the street lest people notice that her hair is improperly dyed. Every stranger that looks at her adds to the worry for it confirms her previous fears that she does not look all right. If she tries another hair of the dog that has already bitten her and allows the hair specialist to guide her again she goes through more worries of similar fashion. She must treat her hair in a certain way to conform to prevailing styles and so she worries hourly over a matter that at the outside should occupy her attention for a few minutes of each day. There are men who are equally worried over their appearance. Their hair is not growing properly or their ears are not the proper shape or their ears are too large or their hands are too rough or their complexion doesn't match the ties they like to wear or some equally foolish and nonsensical thing. Some wish to be taller others not so tall quite an army seeks to be thinner and another of equal numbers desires to be stouter. Some wish they were blondes and others that they were brunettes. The result is that drug stores beauty parlours and complexion specialists for men and women are kept busy all the time robbing poor hardworking creatures of their earnings because of insane worries that they are not appearing as well as they ought to do. Clothing is a perpetual source of worry to thousands. They must keep up with the styles the latest fashions for to be out of fashion a back number gives them a conniption fit an out-of-date hat or shirt waist jacket coat skirt or shoe humiliates and distresses them more than would a violation of the moral law provided it were undetected. To these my worrying friends I continually put the question is it worthwhile? Is the game worth the shot? What do you gain for all your worry? Rest and peace of mind Halas no. If the worry and effort accomplished anything I would be the last to deprecate it but observation and experience have taught me that the more you yield to these demons of vanity and worry the more relentlessly they hurry you they veritably are demons that seize you by the throat and hang on like grim death until they suffocate and strangle you. Do you propose therefore any longer to submit? Are you willfully and knowingly going to allow yourself to remain within their grasp? You have a remedy in your own hands kill your foolish vanity by determining to accept yourself as you are. All the efforts in the world will not make any changes worthwhile. Fix upon the habits of dress and so on that good sense tells you are reasonable and in accord with your age your position and your purse and then follow them regardless of the fashion or the prevailing style. You know as well as I that unless you are a near-millionaire you cannot possibly keep up with the many and various changes demanded by current fashion. Then why worry yourself by trying? Why spend your small income upon the unattainable or upon that which even if you could attain it you would find unsatisfying and incomplete. In your case worry is certainly the result of mental inocupancy. This is sometimes called empty-headedness and while the term seems somewhat harsh and rough it is pretty near the truth. If you spent one tenth the amount of energy seeking to put something into your head that you spend worrying as to what you shall put on your head and how to fix it up your life would soon be far more different than you can now conceive. Carelessness and laziness are both great causes of worry. The careless man the lazy man are each indifferent as to how their work is done. Such men seldom do well that which they undertake. Everything carelessly or lazily done is incomplete inadequate incompetent and therefore a source of distress discontent and worry. A careless or lazy plumber causes much worry for even though his victims may have learned the lesson I'm endeavouring to inculcate throughout these pages it is a self-evident proposition that they will not allow his indifferent work to stand without correction. Therefore the telephone bell calls continually. He or his men must go out and do the work again and when payday comes he fails to receive the check good work would surely have made forthcoming to him. The schoolboy schoolgirl has to learn this lesson and the sooner the better the teacher never nags the careful and earnest student only the lazy and careless are worried by extra lessons extra recitals in positions and the like. All through life carelessness and laziness bring worry and he is a wise person who as early as he discovers these vices in himself seeks to correct or better still eliminate them. Another form of worry is that wherein the warrior is sure that no one is to be relied upon to do his duty. Dickens in his immortal Pickwick papers gives a forceful example of this type. Mr Magnus has just introduced himself to Pickwick and they find they are both going to Norwich on the same stage. Quote Now gentlemen said the hostler coach is ready if you please is all my luggage in inquired Magnus all right sir is the red bag in all right sir and the striped bag four boots sir and the brown paper parcel under the seat sir and the leather hat box they're all in sir now will you get up said Mr Pickwick excuse me replied Magnus standing on the wheel excuse me Mr Pickwick I cannot consent to get up in this state of uncertainty I'm quite satisfied from that man's manner that that leather hat box is not in. The solemn protestations of the hostler being unavailing the leather heart box was obliged to be raked up from the lowest depth of the boot to satisfy him that it had been safely packed and after he had been assured on this head he felt a solemn presentiment first that the red bag was mislead and next that the striped bag had been stolen and then that the brown paper parcel had become untied at length when he had received ocular demonstration of the groundless nature of each and every one of these suspicions he consented to climb up to the roof of the coach observing that now he had taken everything off his mind he felt quite comfortable and happy but this was only a temporary feeling for as they journeyed along every break in the conversation was filled up by Mr Magnus's loudly expressed anxiety respecting the safety and well-being of the two bags the leather hat box and the brown paper parcel end quote of course this is an exaggerated picture yet it properly suggests and illustrates this particular senseless form of worry with which we are all more or less familiar in business such a warrior is a constant source of irritation to all with him he comes in contact either as inferior or superior to his inferior's his worrying is a bedivelling influence that irritates and helps produce the very incapacity for attention to detail that is required and to superiors it is a sure sign of incompetency experienced demonstrates that such a one is incapable of properly directing any great enterprise men must be trusted if you would bring out their capacities their work should be specifically laid out before them that is that which is required of them not necessarily in minute detail but the general results that are to be achieved then give them their freedom to work the problems out in their own way give them responsibility trust them and then leave them alone quit your worrying about them give them a fair chance expect demand results and if they fail fire them and get those who are more competent mistrust and worry in the employer lead to uncertainty and worry in the employee and these soon spell out failure in subsequent chapters various worries are discussed with their causes and cures one thing I cannot too strongly and too often emphasize and that is that the more one studies the worries referred to he is compelled to see the great truth of the proverb more of our worries come from within than from without in other words we make more of our worries by worrying than are made for us by the cares of life this fact in itself should lead us to be suspicious of every worry that besets us end of chapter 8 chapter 9 of quit your worrying by George Wharton James this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Jillian Henry health worries there is an army whose numbers are legion who worry about their health and that of the members of their family what with the doctors scaring the life out of them with the germ theory seeking to obtain legislation to vaccinate them examine their children nude in school take out their tonsils appendices and other internal organs inject serums into them for this, that and the other and requiring them to observe a score and one maxims which they do not understand there is no wonder they are worried then when one considers the army of physicians who feel it to be their duty to write of sickness for the benefit of the people who give detailed symptoms of every disease known and of the larger army of quacks who deliberately live and fatten themselves upon the worries they can create in the minds of the ignorant the vicious and the diseased of the patent medicine manufacturers who spend millions of dollars annually in scaring people into the use of their nostrums none of which are worth the cost of the paper with which they are wrapped up is there any wonder that people who are not trained to think should be worried? Worries meet them on every hand at every corner do they feel an ache or a pain? according to such a doctor or such a patent medicine advertisement that is a dangerous symptom which must be checked at once or the most fearful results will ensue then there are the natural paths physical paths gymnastopaths hygienists raw food advocates and a thousand and one other notionists who give advice as to what when and how you shall eat Horace Fletcher insists that food be chewed until it is liquid another authority says bosh to this and asks you to look at the dog who bolts his meal and is still healthy vigorous and strong the raw food advocate assures you that the only good food is uncooked and that you take out this that and the other by cooking all of which are essential to the welfare of the body between these natural authorities and the medical authorities there is a great deal of warfare going on all the time and the layman knows not where in true safety lies is it any wonder that he is worried many members of the medical profession and the drugstores have themselves to thank for this state of perpetual worryment and mental unrest they inculcated nurtured and fostered a colossal ignorance in regard to the needs of the body and a tremendous dread and blind fear of everything that seems the slightest degree removed from the everyday normal they have persistently taught those who rely upon them that the only safe and wise procedure is to rush immediately to a physician upon the first sign of anything even slightly out of the ordinary then with wise looks mysterious words strange symbols and loathsome decoctions they have sent their victims home to imagine that some marvelous wonder work will follow the swallowing of their abominable mixtures instead of frankly and honestly telling their consultants that their fever was caused by overeating by too late hours by dancing in an ill ventilated room by too great application to business by too many cocktails or too much tobacco smoking the results are many and disastrous people become confirmed warriors about their health on the slightest suspicion of an ache or a pain they rush to the doctor or the drugstore for a prescription a dose a powder a potion or a pill the telephone is kept in constant operation about trivialities and every month a bill of greater or lesser extent has to be paid while I do not wish to deprecate the calling in of a physician in any serious case by those who deem it advisable I do condemn as absurd unnecessary and foolish in the highest degree this perpetual worry about trivial symptoms of health every truthful physician will frankly tell you if you ask him that worrying is often the worst part of the trouble in other words that if you never did a thing in these cases that distress you but would quit your worrying the discomfort would generally disappear of its own accord one result of this kind of worry is that it genders a nervousness that unnecessarily calls up to the mind pictures of a large variety of possible dangers who has not met with this nervous species of warrior the train enters a tunnel what an awful place for a wreck or it is climbing a mountain grade with a deep precipice on one side my if we were to swing off this grade I have heard scores of people who on riding up the great cable incline off the mount low railway have exclaimed what would become of us if this cable were to break and they were apparently people of reason and intelligence the fact is the cable is so strong and heavy that with two cars crowded to the utmost their united weight is insufficient to stretch the cable tight let alone putting any strain upon it sufficient to break it and most nervous worries are as baseless as this says some apologist for worries accidents do happen look at the eastland in chicago and the loss of the titanic railways have wrecks collisions and accidents horses do run away dogs do bite people do become sick granted without debate or discussion but if everybody on board the wrecked vessels had worried for six months beforehand would their worries have prevented the wrecks mind you I say worry not proper precaution the shipping authorities all railway officials and employees and so on should be as alert as possible to guard against all accidents but this can be done without one moment's worry on the part of a solitary human being and care is as different from worry as gold is from dross coal from ashes by all means take due precautions study to avoid the possibility of accidents but do not give worry a place in your mind for a moment a twin brother to this health warrior is the nervous type who is sure that every dog loose on the streets is going to bite every horse driven behind is surely going to run away every chauffeur is either reckless drunk or sure to run into a telegraph pole have a collision with another car overturn his car at the corner or run down the crossing pedestrian every loitering person is a tramp who is a burglar in disguise every stranger is an enemy or at least must be regarded with suspicion such warriors always seem to prefer to look on the dark side of the unknown rather than on the bright side think no evil is good philosophy to apply to everything as well as genuine religion when put into practice the world is in the control of the powers of good and these seek our good not our disaster have faith in the goodness of the powers that be and work and live to help make your faith true the man who sees evil where none exists will do more to call it into existence than he imagines and equally true or even more so is the converse that he who sees good where none seems to exist will call it forth bring it to the surface the teacher who imagines that all children are mean and are merely waiting for a chance to exercise that meanness will soon justify his suspicions and the children will become what he imagines them to be yet such a teacher often little realises that it has been his own wicked fears and worries that helped to put it mildly the evil assert itself end of chapter nine chapter 10 of quit your worrying by George Wharton James this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Jillian Henry the worries of parents a worrying parent is at once an exasperating and a pathetic figure she for it is generally the mother is so undeniably influenced by her love that one can sympathise with her anxiety yet the confident of her child or the unconcerned observer is exasperated as he clearly sees the evil she is creating by her foolish unnecessary worries the worries of parents are protein as are all other worries and those here in named must be taken merely as suggestions as to scores of others that might be cataloged and described in detail many mothers worry foolishly because their children do not obey are not always thoughtful and considerate and act with wisdom forgetful that life is the school for learning if any worrying is to be done let the parent worry over her own folly in not learning how to teach or train her child line upon line precept upon precept here a little there a little is the natural procedure with children it is unreasonable to expect old heads upon young shoulders worry therefore that children have not learned before they are taught is as senseless as it is demoralizing get down to something practical I know a mother of a large family of boys and girls they are as diverse and character and disposition as one might ever find she is one of the wise sensible practical mothers who acts instead of worrying for instance she believes thoroughly in allowing the children to choose their own clothing it develops judgment taste practicability one of the girls was vain and always wanted to purchase shoes too small for her in order that she might have pretty feet each time she brought home small shoes her mother sent her back with admonitions to secure a larger pair after this had continued for several times she decided upon another plan when the two small shoes were brought home she compelled the girl to wear them though they pinched and hurt until they were worn out and as she said in telling me the story that ended that one of her sons was required to get up every morning and light the fire very often he was lazy and late so that the fire was not lighted when mother was ready to prepare breakfast one night he brought home a companion to spend a day or two the lads froliced together so that they overslept when mother got up in the morning there was no fire she immediately walked to the foot of the stairs and yelled fire fire fire at the top of her voice in a few moments both lads tousled half dressed and well scared rushed downstairs exclaiming where's the fire where's the fire I wanted in the stove was the mother's answer and that was the end of that the oldest girl became insistent that she be allowed to sit up nights after the others had gone to bed she would study for a while and then put her head on her arms and go to sleep one night her mother waited until she was asleep went off to bed and left her at three o'clock in the morning she came downstairs lighted lamp in hand and alarm clock set to go off as soon as the alarm bell began to ring the girl awoke startled to see her mother standing there with the lighted lamp herself cold and stiff with the discomfort of her position and that was the end of that said the mother here was common sense practical hard-headed training instead of worry bend your sense your intellect your time your energy to seek how to train your children instead of doing the senseless foolish inane and utterly useless thing of worrying about them imagine being the child of an anxious parent who sees sickness in every unusual move or mood of her boy or girl a little clearing off the throat I'm sure he's going to have croup or dip theria the girl unconsciously puts her hand to her brow what's the matter with your head dairy got a headache a lad feels a trifle uncomfortable in his clean shirt and wiggles about I'm sure Tom's coming down with fever he's so restless and he looks so flushed God forbid that I should ever appear to caricature the wise care of a devoted mother that is not what I aim to do I seek with intenseness of purpose to show the folly the absurdity of the anxieties the worries the unnecessary and unreasonable cares of many mothers for the moment fear takes possession of them some kind of nagging is sure to begin for the child oh Tom you mustn't do this or Maggie my darling you must be careful of that and the child is not only nagged but is thus placed under bondage to the mother's unnecessary alarm no young life can suffer this bondage without injury it destroys freedom and spontaneity takes away that dash and vigor that vim and dairy that essentially belong to youth and should be the unhampered heritage of every child I'd far rather have a boy and girl of mine get sick once in a while though that is by no means necessary than have them subjected to the constant fear that they might be sick and when boys and girls wake up to the full consciousness that their parents worries are foolish unnecessary and self-created the mental and moral influence upon them is far more pernicious than many even of our wisest observers have perceived there never was a boy or girl who was worried over who was not annoyed frettied injured and cursed by it instead of being benefited the benefit received from the love of the parent was in spite of the worry and not because of it worry is a hindrance a deterrent a restraint it is always putting a curbing hand upon the natural exuberance and enthusiasm of youth it says don't don't with such fierce persistence that it kills initiative destroys endeavor murders naturalness and drives its victims to deception fraud and secrecy to gain what they feel to be natural reasonable and desirable ends I verily believe that the parent who forever is saying don't to her children is as dangerous as a submarine and as cruel as an asphyxiating bomb life is for expression not repression repression is always a proof that a proper avenue for expression has not yet been found quit your don't aim and teach your child to do write children absolutely are taught to dread then dislike and finally to hate their parents when they are refused the opportunity of doing of expressing themselves rather seek to find ways in which they may be active give them opportunities for pleasure for employment for occupation and remember this there is as much distance and difference between tolerating allowing permitting your child to do things and encouraging fostering in them the desire to do them as there is distance to your children a discourager a don't are assign the moment you appear that they must quit something that they must repress their enthusiasm their fun their exuberant frolic someness but let them feel your sympathy with them your comradeship your good cheer that father mother is a jolly good fellow and my life for it you will doubtless save yourself and them much worry in after years as Christian Anderson's story of the ugly duckling is one of the best illustrations of the uselessness and needlessness of much of the worry of parents with which I am familiar how the poor mother duck worried because one of her brood was so large and ugly at first she was willing to accept it but when everybody else jeered at it pushed it aside bit at it pecked it on the head and generally abused it and the turkey cock bored down upon it like a ship in full sail and gobbled at it and its brothers and sisters hunted it grew more and more angry with it and wished the cat would get it and swallow it up she herself wished it far and far away and as the worries grew around the poor duckling it ran away it didn't know enough to have faith in itself and its own future the result was the worries of others affected it to the extent of urging it to flee for the time being this enlarged its worries until at length falling in with a band of swans it felt a strange thrill of fellowship with them in spite of their grand and beautiful appearance and soaring into the air after them it alighted into the water and seeing its own reflection was filled with amazement and wonder to find itself no longer an ugly duckling but a swan many a mother, father, family generally have worried over their ugly duckling until they have driven him, her, out into the world only to find out later that their duckling was a swan and while it was good for the swan to find out its own nature the points I wish to make are that there was no need for all the worry it was the sign of ignorance of a want of perception and further the swan would have developed in its home nest just as surely as it did out in the world and would have been saved all the pain and distress its cruel family visited upon it there is still another story which may as well be introduced here as it applies to the unnecessary worry of parents about their young in this case it was a hen that sat on a nest of eggs when the chickens were hatched they all pleased the mother hen but one and he rushed to the nearest pond and in spite of her fret fuss, fume and worry insisted upon plunging in in vain the hen screamed out that he would drown her unnatural child was resolved to venture and to the amazement of all he floated perfectly for he was a duck instead of a chicken and his egg was placed under the old hen by mistake mother, father don't worry about your child it may be he is a swan he may be a duck instead of the creature you anticipated control your fretfulness and your worry for it cannot possibly change things wait and watch developments and a few days may reveal enough to you to show you how totally unnecessary all your worries would have been teach yourself to know that worry is evil thought directed either upon our own bodies or minds or those of others note I say evil thought it is not good thought good thought so directed would be helpful useful beneficial this is injurious harmful baneful evil thought worry directs to the person or to that part of the body considered an injurious and baneful influence that produces pain in harmony unhappiness it is as if one were to divert a stream of corroding acid upon a sensitive wound and do it because we wished to heal the wound worry never once healed a wound or cured an ill it always aggravates, irritates and furthermore helps super induce the evil the worrier is afraid of the fact that you worry about these things to which I have referred that you yield your thoughts to them and in your worry give undue contemplation to them induces the conditions you wish to avoid or avert hence if you wish your child to be well and strong brave and courageous it is the height of cruelty for you to worry over his health his play or his exercise better by far leave him alone than bring upon him the evils you dread who has not observed again and again the evil that has come from worrying mothers who were constantly cautioning or forbidding their children to do that which every natural and normal child longs to do quit your worrying leave your child alone better by far let him break a rib or bruises nose than all the time to live in the bondage of your fears elsewhere I have referred to the fact that we often bring upon our loved ones the perils we fear there is a close connection between our mental states and the objects with which we are surrounded or may have it would be more correct to say that it is our mental condition that shapes the actions of those around us in relation to the things by which they are surrounded let me illustrate with an incident which happened in my own observation a small boy and girl had a nervous ever worrying mother she was assured that her boy was bound to come to physical ill for he was so courageous so adventuresome so daring to her he was the duck instead of the chicken she thought she was hatching out one day he climbed to the roof of the barn his sister followed him the two were slowly and in perfect security inching along on the comb of the roof when the mother happened to catch sight of them with a scream of half terror and half anger she shouted to them to come down at once up to that moment I had watched both children with comfort pleasure and assurance of their perfect safety their manifest delight in their elevated position the pride of the girl in her pet brother's courage and his scarcely concealed surprise and pleasure that she should dare to follow him were interesting in the extreme but the moment that foolish mothers scream rent the air everything changed instantly both children became nervous the boy started down the roof where he could drop upon a lower roof to safety his little sister however started down too soon her mother's fears unnerved her and she slid and falling some 25 feet or so broke her arm then and here was the cruel fatuity of the whole proceeding the mother began to wail and exclaim to the effect that it was just what she expected may I be pardoned for calling her a worrying fool she could not see that it was her very expectation and giving voice to it in her early worryings and in that command that they come down that caused the accident she herself alone was to blame her unnecessary worry was the cause of her daughter's broken arm Christ's constant incitement to his disciples was be not afraid he was fully aware of the fact that Job declared the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me hence worrying mother curb your worry kill it drive it out for your child's sake you claim it is for your child's good that you worry you are wrong it is because you are too thoughtless faithless and trustless that you worry and if you will pardon me too selfish if instead of giving vent to that fear worry dread you exercised your reason and faith a little more and then self-denial and refused to give vocal expression to your worry you could then claim unselfishness in the interest of your child but to put your fears and worries your dreads and anxieties around a young child destroying his exuberance and joy surrounding him with the mental and spiritual fogs that beset your own life is neither wise kind nor unselfish another serious worry that besets many parents is that pertaining to the courtship or engagement of their children here again let me caution my readers not to construe my admonitions into indifference to this important epoch in their child's life I would have them lovingly, wisely, sagely advise but there is a vast difference between this and the uneasy, fretful, nagging worries that beset so many parents and which often lead to serious friction remember that it is your child, not you who has to be suited with a life partner the girl who may call forth his warmest affection may be the last person in the world you would have chosen yet you are not the one to be concerned in the January 1916 Ladies' Home Journal there is an excellent editorial bearing upon this subject as follows quote a mother got to worrying about the girl to whom her son had become engaged she was a nice girl but the mother felt that perhaps she was not of a type to stimulate the son sufficiently in his career the mother wisely said nothing however until two important facts dawned upon her first, that possibly her boy was of the order which did not need stimulation as she reflected upon his nature, his temperament she arrived at the conclusion that what he required in a life partner might be someone who would prove a poultice rather than a mustard plaster or a fly blister this was her first discovery the second was not precisely like Antuit but was even more important that the son and not the mother was marrying the girl the question as to whether or not the girl would suit the mother as a permanent companion was a minor consideration about which she need not vex her soul the point he had settled for himself was that here by God's grace was the one made for him and since that had been determined the wise course was for the mother not to waste time and energy bemusing, note, worrying, end note herself over the situation especially as the girl offered no fundamental objections thus the mother of herself learned a lesson that many another mother might profitably learn end quote how wonderfully in his sol does Robert Browning set forth the opposite course to that of the worrier here the active principle of love and trust are called upon so that it uplifts and blesses its object David is represented as filled with a great love for Saul which would bring happiness to him he strives in every way to make Saul happy yet the king remains sad depressed and unhappy at last David's heart and his reason grasp the one great fact of God's transcending love and the poem ends with a burst of rapture his discovery is that if his heart is so full of love to Saul that in his yearning for his good he would give him everything what must God's love for him be of his own love he cries quote could I help the my father inventing a bliss I would add to that life of the past both the future and this I would give the new life altogether as good ages hence at this moment had love but the warrant loves heart to dispense end quote then when God's magnificent love bursts upon him he sings in joy quote what my soul see thus far and no farther when doors great and small nine and ninety flew up at her touch should the hundredth appall end quote how utterly absurd on the face of it is such a supposition God having given so much will surely continue to give his love so far proven so great it will never cease oh doubting heart of man of women of father of mother grieving over the mental and spiritual lapses of a loved one grasp this glorious fact God's love far transcends nine on what thou wouldst do for thy loved one is a minute fraction of what he can do will do is doing rest in his love he will not fail thee nor forsake thee and in his hands all whom thou lovest are safe end of chapter 10 chapter 11 of quit your worrying by George Wharton James this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Gillian Henry marital worries I now approach a difficult part of my subject yet I do it without trepidation fear or worry as to results there are to my mind a few fundamental principles to be considered and observed and each married couple must learn to fight the battle out for themselves undoubtedly to most married people the ideal relationship is where each is so perfectly in accord with the other they think alike agree are as one mentally that there are no irritations no differences of opinion no serious questions to discuss others have a different ideal they do not object to differences serious even and wide they are so thorough believers in the sanctity of the individuality of each person that every individual must live his own life and thus learn his own lessons that what they ask is a love large enough big enough sympathetic enough to embrace all differences and in confidence that the working out process will be as sure for one as the other to rest content and serene in each other's love in spite of the things that otherwise would divide them this mental attitude however requires a large faith in God a wonderful belief in the good that is in each person and a forbearing wisdom that few possess nevertheless it is well worth striving for and its possession is more desirable than many riches and how different the outlook upon life from that of the marital warrior when a couple begin to live together they have within themselves the possibilities of heaven or of hell the balance between the two however is very slight there is only a foot or less in difference between the west and the east on the transcontinental divide I have stood with one foot in a rivulet the water of which reached the Pacific and the other in one which reached the Atlantic the marital divide is even finer than that it is all in the habit of mind if one determines that he she will guide boss direct control the other one of two or three things is sure to occur one the one mind will control the other and an individual will live someone else's life instead of its own this is the popular American notion of the life of the English wife she has been trained during the centuries to recognize her husband as lord and master and she unquestionably and unhesitatingly obeys his every dictate without at all regarding this popular conception as an accurate one nationally it will serve the purpose of illustration two the second alternative is one of sullen submission if one hates to row to be nagged he she submits but with a bad grace consumed constantly with an inward rebellion which destroys love leads to cowardly subtle fuges deceptions and separations three the third outcome is open rebellion and the results of this are too well known to need elucidation for whatever they may be they are disastrous to the peace happiness and content of the family relationship yet to show how hard it is to classify actual cases in any formal way let me hear introduce what I wrote long ago about a couple whom I have visited many times it is a husband and wife who are both geniuses far above the ordinary in several lines they have money made by their own work the wife's as well as the husband's for she is an architect and builder of fine homes while they have great affection one for another there is a constant undertone of worry in their lives each is too critical of the other they worry about trifles each is losing daily the sweetness of sympathetic and joyous comradeship because they do not see eye to eye in all things where a mutual criticism of one's work is agreed upon and is mutually acceptable and unirritating there is no objection to it rather should it be a source of congratulation that each is so desirous of improving that criticism is welcomed but in many cases it is a positive and injurious irritant one meets with criticism neither kind nor gentle out in the world in the home both men and women need tenderness sympathy comradeship and if there be weakness or failures that are openly or frankly confessed there should be the added grace and virtue of compassion without any air of pity and condescension or superiority by all means help each other to mend to improve to reach after higher nobler things but don't do it by the way of personal criticism advice remonstrance fault finding worrying if you do you'll do far more harm than good in 99 cases out of every hundred every human being instinctively in such position consciously or unconsciously places himself in the attitude of saying I am what I am now recognize that and leave me alone my life is mine to learn its lessons in my own way just the same as yours is to learn your lessons in your way this worrying about and off each other has proven destructive of much domestic happiness and has wrecked many a marital bark that started out with sales set fair wind and excellent prospects don't worry about each other help each other by the loving sympathy that soothes and comforts example is worth a million times more than preset and criticism no matter how lovingly and wisely applied and few men and women are wise enough to criticize and advise perpetually without giving the recipient the feeling that he is being nagged granted that from the critics standpoint every word said may be true wise and just this does not by any means make it wise to say it the mental and spiritual condition of the recipient must be considered as a far more importance than the condition of the giver of the wise exhortations the latter is all right he doesn't need such admonitions the other does the important question therefore should be is he ready to receive them if not if the time is unpropitious the mental condition inauspicious better do say nothing than make matters worse but unfortunately it generally happens that at such times the critic is far more concerned at unboozling himself of his just and wise admonitions than he is as to whether the time is right the conditions the best possible for the word to be spoken the sacred writer has something very wise and illuminating to say upon this subject Solomon says quote a word spoken in due season how good is it end quote note however that it must be spoken in due season to be good the same word spoken out of season may be and often is exceedingly bad again he says quote a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver end quote but it must be fitly spoken to be worthy to rank with apples of gold End of chapter 11