 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay comm and I'm so excited to be doing this live Stream for you today our topic the three things men need to fall in love and commit We're gonna talk about is that six or three three three things I'm gonna talk about really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content and if this content resonates with you Please do me a favor and hit that like button the more likes I get the more Opportunities this is shown to other people. So I'm gonna just jump right into the topic and then we're gonna take questions So what are the three things men need to fall in love and commit now? I'm sorry. My nose is itchy You know the pat answer I'm gonna give you the pat answer This is what a lot of other coaches talk about is men need to feel respected Appreciated Accepted and lots of sex. So that's not three things. That's four things. So men need to be respected They need to be appreciated and they need to be accepted for who they are Those are the rather pat answers that you hear over and over and over again But I want to dive a little bit deeper into what makes a man fall in love And how does he really commit because I honestly believe that the vast majority of men who are out in the dating realm as well as women so this is a singular to men are rather clueless and unconscious Let me repeat that the vast majority of people who are single and looking for love are rather clueless and Unconscious and what I mean to say is they're unconscious To what it really means to fall in love and what real love really means from the area of Commitment from commitment and you have to think though back in the olden times and it was funny I was just having this conversation with a client today But it used to be if you wanted to get laid you had to get married you had to make an ultimate commitment to get sex And now we don't need to make the ultimate commitment to have sex Now we can have sex men and women can have sex with each other with either little or no commitment to one another With little or no commitment to one another So well, so what's the big deal Jonathan? We should be able to be where our bodies are our own We should be able to do whatever we want. Here's where I have a challenge with that is for many people In fact, let me just say this The number one emotional health issue facing most human beings is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable and Dating triggers aren't are are this this wound like nobody's business if you've had one Failed relationship after another after another if you've had one sexual partner after another after another And you've had short-lived relationships that ended and long-term relationship that ended that can wear on our self esteem it can wear on our self-confidence It can wear on our self-reliance and most of all it can wear on our self love And I don't mean like wearing a jacket. I mean it can it's like it literally can you know shed our Heart when we've had too many experiences that aren't healthy This is why I'm such a big proponent of my book what the heck is self-love anyway This is my book what the heck self-love anyway. It's in the description to get the book I want you to check this out It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work And why am I such a big proponent on this and I'm gonna talk about those three things men need to commit and fall In love in just a second. So don't worry. You're not gonna have to wait till the end of this live stream I get to I cut to the chase quick But why I'm sharing this with you is my role here is to shape things up to weight things up to a Different way of looking at things to just offer a different perspective, and I'm here to say I'm not here to tell you two plus two equals four as if this is the truth I am merely because quite frankly two plus two equals four one plus one plus one equals four five minus one equals four Three plus one equals four. So there's all different variations to Your truth Your truth and what I'm my hope is that my content resonates with you that it triggers your truth Okay, so We're gonna jump right in now the three things men need to fall in love And then we're gonna do our first trivia question and we're gonna ask answer questions in the Q&A board So the first and by the way, I have my worksheet here So the first thing men need to fall in love. Let me tell you what I wrote down They need to pull their head out of their ass They need to pull their head out of their ass. They need To pull their head out of the ass. What's this title the three things men need to fall in love and commit? They need to pull their head out of their ass And what I mean by that is they need to shift from selfish egoic behavior Selfish egoic behavior and unconscious behavior to more of a compassion for themselves and compassion for another human being The reality is is the vast majority of men and women alike date from a very Selfish place. How can I get my needs met? How can I get my needs met now? I know a lot of you women are thinking no no no we women don't do that We're all about giving giving giving well, that's not true. That's crock of shit We start the dating process as humans very selfish and we don't go out on dates going what can I give? It's mostly what can I get a perfect example of this is if I brought up the conversation of who should pay for dates Most women say men are supposed to pay for dates That's not giving that's expecting or taking and I'm just using this as an analogy Because the reality is is if you're coming from a heart center place, it doesn't matter Who pays I'm using this as one example. So don't pigeonhole me later on this. I'm just using this as one example But if we're operating from a place of giving then If you genuinely are operating from a place of giving that both people contribute as one example But the reality is is most humans and men in particular have their head in their ass And I'm gonna and we need to pull our heads out of our ass to be able to fall in love because when your head's in your Ass you can't fall in love and when your head is in selfish egoic behavior It's impossible to really commit to another human being and fall in love So I'm here to say men and women need to pull their head out of their ass Is this resonating with you if it is please hit the like button and if it is please share this with other friends All right number two, let me see what I said here first was pull their head out Oh, they have to be in a space to desire To they have to be in a space and they have to desire a partner And not just connection and sex. So let me repeat this They have to be in a space To desire a partner. They actually have to desire a part want to desire a partner Now the challenge with this is most humans are very unconscious to their own Um Introspective patterning because if we're designed because here's the thing most men and women Desire connection and sex As their purpose for being in a relationship Again, they desire connection and sex But do they really desire a partner? And so here's a great question to ask a guy When you're when you're talking to a guy in particular say, what does commitment look like for you? Somebody write that down. What does commitment look like for you? What does a happy relationship look like for you? Someone who's Contemplated this has thought about it those who follow my work No, I say the following if a woman asked me that question. Here's how I'd respond Well commitment in the beginning stages look like this once we've decided we're going to explore a relationship Commitment looks like this We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends Intimacy both on a physical level and an emotional level traveling together Being partners with one another helping each other in our personal and our professional lives Leading to fully committed whether it's living together or marriage So I just said a mouthful, right? I just said a mouthful, but at least I contemplated This and I have a desire for it Let me repeat I have a desire for it. A lot of people say, well, I don't know what I want I'm just living in the moment. Let's just have fun. Let's just live in the moment and have fun men Traditionally live in the moment have fun And then you've fallen for someone you get quite attached and they've disappeared and then remember what I said before The number what dating triggers the number one emotional health issue This can wear on this if it happens over and over and over again This is why I'm a big proponent of doing personal development work like the books. I recommend continually This is why I highly recommend the book. Where is it? Here we go ladies Read the book eight dates by dr. John and julie gotman eight dates by dr. John and julie gotman This is the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. This gives you a design of what commitment looks like And so when a guy is a deer on the headlight just go look dude If you want your penis in my vagina, then we're going to read this book together Or you read this book and then tell me what you think about it before you get a chance to get the as um As steve harvey would call it the cookie Is this resonating? Please tell me it is because ladies I'm here to say If a man doesn't understand what commitment looks like then why would you want to invest any time In someone who doesn't know what a where he wants to go in his life From the area of a romantic relationship And i'm saying this for you as well because a lot of you ladies are clueless to this And I say your clueless you act Like you really you you all know what you want, but you know what at the fantasy not all of you Let me apologize. That was a judgment Many of you think of a relationship in the fantasy level at the 40 000 foot level And i'm here to bring you to the ground level of what a healthy happy relationship looks like is this sinking in All right, I noticed a lot of people commenting just give me a second if this if it's resonating hit thumbs up Okay, the third the third piece For what a man three things men need to fall in love and commit Again goes back to understanding what commitment really means from a wee perspective. So earlier It's the desire to want a partner and then as I just shared with you all the mechanics of what a we looks like What does a we look like what does commitment look like from a wee perspective? You know people date very selfishly very self-centered It's i'll give you an example a lot of guys will say well, I want a relationship I want a relationship. I want a relationship and then they you know date you for three weeks They get laid and then three weeks later. They say I don't think I want a relationship. Well, that's fucking bullshit You can't sit there. You might as well just be honest. I don't want a relationship with you Instead of saying I don't want a relationship. Don't say you want a relationship have sex with someone and then turn around to say I don't want a relationship. That's bullshit And that's not what a man who wants to fall in love and who wants commitment acts A man who falls in love and wants commitment desires a partner and he knows what commitment looks like And he's got his head out of his ass. Is this sinking in? I hope it is All right, I'm going to answer question in a second But those three things are what men need To fall in love because if they don't have their heads in their ass If their heads in their ass, they don't know what they they don't even know if they want a partner and They don't know what commitment looks like then their hope they're they're rolling the dice But the problem is You know, it's yeah, you might get 12 once, you know when the roll the dice type of thing But these numbers there's a hundred numbers on each dice and they're trying to get one set of numbers It ain't going to happen if you got your head in your ass You don't desire a partner and you don't know what commitment looks like Is this sinking in if yes, please hit that like button. All right, we're going to take questions But first we're going to do a trivia question All right, this is 1980s trivia 1980s trivia And this particular first trivia question is What was what was named time magazines person of the year in 1982? What was named the Times magazine person of the year in 1982 and i'm going to give you four chances mackayl boreshnikov the computer steven spielberg or madonna and repeat that again madonna steven spielberg the computer or mackayl boreshnikov Uh or gorbachev. Excuse me gorbachev gorbachev. Okay, let's see who gets that right All right time to answer questions. We're going to look at the q&a board all right Let's go up. We're going to scroll here all the way to the top Um, and by the way, if you'd like to schedule a discovery call with me By the way, if this resonates with you and you want to schedule a discovery call right now I'm going to put the link right here to schedule a call with me to see if a coach is work Work working with a coach is right for you. So cam writes So my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. I think about two or three days ago Though he likes someone else To not yet is calling me. Okay. So if I understand correctly Someone broke up with you two or three days ago. It's a long distance relationship. They might like someone else I don't know if you're telling asking me a question, but I'm sorry to hear that Uh, I don't know to answer wait All right leaf writes soul tries can destroy you your relationship on every level and grow I got to get to some questions Okay, here's cam right my boyfriend isn't even working at the moment yet. I'm trying to get myself together I thought he was the best Friend yet. He's mom is okay Um cam right my guy is wanting to pick up His cell phone calls. I think you guys are having a conversation ladies Do me a favor. This is an opportunity to ask me questions If you want to hit a question to make it so I can see it Why don't you buy the question using a super sticker so I can know which ones are asking questions because if you're having a dialogue That's not going to help those who are watching Oh knock writes. I'm almost done with reading eight dates pretty good, especially for the deer and the headlights people Yes, thank you. This is this book is so powerful of understanding the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship I I I encourage you all to get this book All right, um Okay, let me just see Someone says say it louder. You know, it's funny. Someone recently wrote a message to me that said Jonathan If you're such a spiritual person, why do you yell and scream in your videos? And why do you uh compare other dating coaches? Well, first off spirituality simply means you're connected with your higher self spirituality doesn't mean you go like this And you just do it So let's just do namaste everybody and let's just be in peace and we're just going to talk about relationships from a very peaceful loving space because It's so peaceful and loving because we're in our spirituality And we just need to be spiritual and not real Spirituality simply means you're tied to you. You're connected to your higher self. You're connected to you are in charge of your destiny That's all spirituality means so the fact that I yell and scream and do comparisons of others Doesn't make me any less spiritual So for the person who might be watching this who said it guess what this is my response to you And I'm glad this is sinking in Okay, Kristen writes my question Uh, thank you for the purchase by the way My question is my guy has asked for a lot of time alone to work his childhood issues We see each other once a week. We had a commitment talk and he agrees. He is committed. Okay So I don't think you actually have a question there. So oh, I'm missing anything Okay, am I missing anything in my agreement to give him plenty of space? We've been dating for 1.5 years. Okay So what does that a couple things I want to lean into first off? I've been working on my childhood wounds for a decade and a half So if you're waiting if somebody's waiting, there's a difference between working on your issues And being fully healed. I don't know if we ever fully heal until we're on our death bed so Here's the challenge with someone saying I need to work on my stuff My question is what do you want to do about our relationship? How committed are you to what does commitment look like for you? And what does a relationship look like for you? What do you I would ask him? What the hell does he want if he's using the I'm going to work on my emotional stuff as an excuse just go Look, I wish you well go work on your stuff on your time I'm happy to help you But I want to know is this relationship leading to some sort of commitment and ladies you have to define what commitment looks like for you I just shared with you what it looks like for me But if you see someone once a week And you're not building the roots to trust to real commitment Then what are you doing? So ask point blank questions, especially after a year and a half get busy living or get busy dying But decide because here's the bottom line. I'm god dang it. I got an itchy nose. No, I'm not doing cocaine Those were that was a decade ago Um We got to stop fucking around here. I really want to encourage Humans to start being more intentional in the process and stop waiting for somebody else to make up their mind Know what they want You either want to build a life together or not after a year and a half together Either want to build the life together or not. It doesn't it doesn't take rocket science to figure that out And chances are he's got lots of issues Which means that the ground underneath him isn't solid which makes it difficult for him to be in commitment Choose men who have solid ground underneath them. Is this sinking in? All right. Thank you for purchasing that. I really appreciate it. Let's see Angie writes at what stage should you seek their thoughts on the three requirements you mentioned? Uh Before you have sex I think that would be a good time before you give your heart to another human being one of the things I do in my coaching practice. Here's a link again um Is I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity. I can't do it here on this video It's something I work personalized with you So if you want that personalized help, I can definitely help you with that All right, lianna writes. What book would you recommend after the Hoffman process for getting back into the dating world? You know what? I love this book if the buddha dated It really helps you from a spiritual perspective Highly recommend this book, but if you want from a dating advice perspective, what would I recommend? You know what? I like gary zuccoff's book spiritual partnership I love his work seed of the soul spiritual partnership This will give you it doesn't teach you dating techniques. It teach you life techniques. So you can tap into your intuition You tap into your intuition So you know whether or not you should invest in another human being When we tap into our intuition, we make better choices. And so that's my invitation for you. I hope that helps Uh sherry writes. I much prefer real. Thank you number kk. How do I make oops? Where did kk go? How do I make my long-distance boyfriend like me? Like me if he's trying to push me away on purpose But then misses me when he wants to get rid of me But misses me when he wants to get rid of me too. He changes things in his life slowly look it Either you're in or you're out. I am so fucking tired of people who are wishy washy and ambivalent. Look I understand our emotions can be fleeting our emotions can be confusing. I get that but ultimately I said You when you think of a relationship as a we so here, let me do a diagram here Hold on a second everyone. I'm going to do a diagram here Okay Bear with me We okay, so here's three circles Can you see that excuse my crappy writing? There's you there's me and there's we Actually, they should be touching A relationship is a separate entity. It's a separate entity. There's you there's me So most of time people are focused on themselves. There's you know, each person is focused on themselves But you have to treat the relationship as a separate entity and what I mean to say is You have to recognize people have to recognize that you're how you react how you act can affect another human being So be conscious be mindful be loving Stop using people because you're so fucking confused. You don't know what you want Don't invest someone else's time if you don't know what you want and my my Point to him this long-distance boyfriend If he doesn't know what he wants he pushes you back and does that then tell him to fuck off and go find a guy Who's into you? By the way, I curse because i'm trying to make a point not because i'm rude or vulgar. So I hope this is thinking it All right, mary. Thank you. By the way, mary beth writes How do you ask him for how? How do I ask him for us to progress our relationship like going trips without smothering or needing? You know, I love this question mary beth. It's really simple Hey tim, let's go on a trip together Wow, you mean it's that simple jothin. Yeah, just ask him to go on a trip together. Let's go to let's go to um, let's go to um To pass a robus wine country In fact, uh, everybody asked how my uh, I mentioned in my last live stream I had a phone date the other night Well, that phone date may turn into and it's a long distance. Okay. I want to be honest It's a long distance one. You know how I feel about long distance. I'm very reluctant I'm only reluctant unless two people actually create a plan And so we are going to meet halfway from where we live. At least I think we're planning on it If she's watching this i'm i'm in still Um And we'll see what happens, but ultimately i'm not going to engage in a long distance relationship unless I We have a plan of how to take it from distance to a real life day to day type of relationship And i'm going to probably recommend reading this book together reading eight dates together I'll give her a copy of my book. What the heck is self love anyway? I highly recommend getting it um And really having serious conversations ladies if you have a relationship and you want something done Speak up ask As I mentioned in my book if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person Let me repeat that if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person So if you want more just ask for it just make a request That's not being needy and that's not being smothering. We got to stop this fear of speaking up to guys At least that's my invitation for you. All right. I hope it helped um Okay, i'm right. I have no idea. All I know is he wants to go visit him. Okay. I don't Thank you regina Did anyone get the trivia question? all right No Would you be able to separately book link books? I uh all my book recommendations check out in the description Jonathan recommends books. By the way, if this is resonating, please hit the like button Question please Please your thoughts on dating app profile strategies to filter out 95 percent of men who are not fit Love that uh Saka videos, okay Dating app profiles that are not a fit. Well, again, this is where you have to become crystal clear on who you are And what you want. So how do you know someone fits? By knowing what you want So if you want children and someone's profile says I don't want children as an example Then you might want to swipe the other way If you are an empty nester and you want an empty nester Then you might want to choose someone who doesn't want to have children You swipe the other way becoming discerning is really simply knowing your standards And standards is really deciding what you want And then start vetting for that and that's what I teach in my private coaching. So I hope that helps Um because there's really no magic formula other than really learning how to hone your intuition Because most look at this most profiles if I went on to bumble right now Oh my god Most women's profiles are crappy and most men's profiles are crappy too So anyway Sorry about that virginia writes how many ways can men say Say they love you but not in those words. I did tell him. I loved him first Wants to co-havocate no verbal words, but actions daily says he's glad he's home My place. Okay This is a really good one because not every man can communicate through words They communicate through their actions acts of service gifts quality time and physical touch So if you're not familiar with the book most everybody is the five love languages the five love languages by gary Chapman words I'm a leo. It's words of adoration. It's actually words of affirmation words physical touch quality time access service and gifts So not all men can say the words, but it doesn't mean they don't demonstrate it and simply You make a request Just ask Can you can you read the book together and express what makes you feel good? Simply say it feels really good when you say I love you or when you say this or when you say that And it's okay to ask and it's it's okay to ask even in a in a Well, it's not okay to ask in a demanding way. It's okay to ask from an insecure place Because the reality is is look at It's important to connect on an emotional level And if your love language is words and his is acts of service it can be problematic But and not but and you too can work together At it. You just have to you have to You want to co-create a relationship? Let me repeat that. I want to encourage you all to think about Co-creating a relationship. That's why when I mentioned gary zukov's book um Spiritual partnership the idea is to co-create a relationship. Is this sinking in? Please tell me it's sinking in the idea of co-creating Stop expecting men to be the leaders of the relationship ladies. You are in charge of your relationship destiny not him Oh now alpha males. Let me talk. I'm gonna I just went off subject here first. I'm gonna go on. Well not off subject Alpha males. There's a whole batch of alpha males. These are the men who try to conquer human beings Okay, there's some belief that all men care about is conquering and conquest. That's bullshit Okay, some men feel that way alpha men are absolutely about the conquest I'm here to say I want to you to encourage. I want to encourage you to be with Conscious men who have their not their head in their ass They know they want a partner and they know what commitment looks like and just because someone's an alpha male And wants to conquest you doesn't mean he's capable of being in a commitment with you I'm going off on a tangent here, but I think you get my point be careful of the alpha males or any man who's controlling condescending critical Those are all behave. That's all unhealthy human behavior Okay, that doesn't mean that they're good for being in a relationship And by the way, John Cotman talks about the four horsemen to the apocalypse in relationship and that's defensiveness Um Contempt criticism and what's the fourth one? I'll fuck it'll come to me a little bit. All right No, I'm not in a long camp. Thank you by the way for that question, uh, virginia KK. No, I'm not in a long distance relationship. I just am gonna Meet someone who happens to be long distance. We'll see what happens um Is someone right? Bear with me If you want to ask a question put the word question and then ask your question. It'll be much easier for me to define or find okay, um Camera it's easier to get to know someone long distance nowadays yet close up or area code Why is it hard to find someone around? You know what? These days because here's the thing. I live in a condo complex with 600 people I know about two people that live here My I mean for all I know my soulmate lives around the corner And I don't know it because we're not in each other's Purview the reason why how we meet people these days is through through the internet And it's through the internet people can be all over the world So it just happens to be that's the venue that we're meeting people today And it would be so much easier easier if we could see who's single and eligible who lives around the corner from us Anyway, I don't know if I answer your question crystal. Thank you for so much for my book recommendation Zytan writes joth and I was dating someone in their 40s for two months And one evening they dropped the bomb that they're not capable of a relationship after they told me They're starting to get to let go of their ex I'm sorry to hear that that really sucks And it's a very common thing. This is why you want to grill someone to find out When was their last relationship? Do they still communicate with their last relationship? I I personally don't want to date someone who has who's hasn't been in a significant relationship for over a year Sometimes it takes a year to get over a significant relationship. So I would ask really good questions before you get too involved with someone What's your deaf and kelly writes, what's your definition of Comparability, I think you mean compatibility um What's your definition of comparability? I don't know what you mean by that compatibility Okay, so compatibility isn't you like sushi me too. You like stand up stand up paddle board I love stand up paddle board. You like the rolling stones my favorite bit or the who will go the who that's calling Um Compat that's familiarity compatibility is can your lives blend together? Do you share the same values and are you with an emotional grown-up? If two emotional grown-ups together they share the same values have lifestyle and they have chemistry Then they have a good chance for compatibility and success Okay What are the signs of a crappy dating profile bad pictures negative communication um Bad pictures bad pictures and bad pictures number I mean Negative comments. I don't like cheaters. I don't like drama. I don't like if they're complaining about what they don't like Instead of focusing on what they want. That's and I that's a sign of a crappy dating profile to me Most of the time it's bad pictures Uh, why do guys get upset after after at times after the guy's gift their gifts their lady Is he okay cam? Why do guys get upset after at times after guys gifts their lady? I don't understand the question. I'm sorry Uh, Regina writes. I'm a leo. I like touch and adoration. That's me too. I'm a words of affirmate adoration And physical touch. I like to be touched. I like my main stroked That's me What's you? Okay um, thanks john, okay Let's do another trivia question. Did anyone ever get the first trivia question? um All right, let's do another one Oh, here's a good one. This is 1980s trivia What did michael jackson debuted during his performance of billy gene? At the motown 25 special in 1983. What did michael jackson debut? During his performance of billy gene at motown The motown 25 special in 1983. Let's see who gets that right Yes, gene got it right moonwalk All right, let's see what other questions we have here If you like this content, please hit that like button so more people can see this. Thank you so much Mindy writes, why do men get on dating sites if they're not ready for a real relationship? I love love love this question so I'm going to shift this question from why do men go on dating sites to why do human beings go on dating sites because men and women alike They're thirsty thirsty for connection And sex they're thirsty for human beings want to connect with human beings We want sex and at some level we want companionship But that just because we want sex we want connection and we want companionship doesn't mean that we're capable of being in a relationship Remember I shared this there's the you There's the me and then there's the we the we is a separate entity And that separate entity requires consciousness that requires some understanding of the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship Again the book the eight dates the problem is most dating advice is centered around this book the rules All bullshit reverse psychology way of approaching men and women based on reverse psychology You know there is a whole group of coaches out there called pickup artists coaches for men They actually teach men to treat women like shit Because they know that if you treat someone crappy, they're going to want to come back for more Why is that because they have childhood wounds and traumas? Let me repeat that they have childhood wounds and traumas that haven't been addressed Which you've created negative patterns in their life. This is why I highly recommend reading this book. Where is it? Oh Getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt Why this is such an important book? Is because we oftentimes choose people based on our patterning of how we were raised by our parents So for example women young women who like older men. These are women who have daddy issues most likely not always I'm talking about significantly older men So it's it's it's oftentimes this is all based on our patterning And our wounds and traumas that happen in childhood or traumas that happen in adulthood This is why I highly recommend reading this book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process I actually went through the Hoffman process them eight day deep dive into personal development Into healing your wounds with your parents or your surrogate parents because the truth is why do people do this? Is because they haven't healed And just now or at least they're not healing Let me say so there's this old adage you have to love yourself before you love another you have to love yourself. No You have to at least be Attempting to love yourself before you can love another And you don't have to be healed. You just have to be healing It's absolutely okay to be working on yourself And I recommend choosing a partner who's working on themselves because when two people are working on themselves They have a greater chance for relationship success now. I'm spitting. I have to drink some coffee It's not happy hour yet by the way my cup says I make the world go around. What do you do? All right, let's look at our board here um So camera, so he loves me and cares about me and wants to come back also to check Sorry to check on me Um He wants me to check on me or to come back or thinks he's okay Again, I'm not tracking what you're asking again If you want to ask a question put question first and then post the question Rosie writes Jonathan I don't find a lot of men attractive my ex was very attractive and I find it hard not to compare How can I change that? Bam I just slapped you upside the head. Um, so Let me use it. Let me just give you an analogy and maybe this will help. Okay Men biologically Want to spread it or seed and have sex with as many women as we possibly can't So monogamy is not something that's natural to us. Okay monogamy is it has to be a choice So here's the thing you have to choose What you find attractive Okay, because yes as we age We have a harder time meeting attractive people because people let themselves go as they age I mean the the reality is is as people age they really let themselves go and it makes it harder to find Attractive people my invitation is to look beyond the surface of what attraction is now. Let me explain why I say this I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of women who are in happy relationship And nearly one third of them have said to me and and I quote I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first second or third date and something changed And what that changed first off what that changed was she actually saw his heart And not focused on the outside now. I'm not here to say you should date someone who's you know Got teeth like this and he's got a beer get the size of canada or something like that I mean, well, you can do that. I mean, I'm not objective at but I'm saying so long as someone is decent looking And you're feeling some sort of emotional connection go out on three dates to see if chemistry can be built Chemistry for women can be built because they often say men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love between their ears You actually can fall in love with someone's heart And not necessarily the outwardness you and actually when you fall in love with a person's heart their outside becomes more attractive Now i'm not saying that this is an absolute But I just want to invite you to give that a chance or only date people you're attracted to And just keep in mind They might you might be attracted to them, but they may not be attracted to you So just remember it's a two-way street or two lane street All right Um All right, don't okay Why do men tell why do men tell women what they think they want to hear even though they might not be telling the truth? Like I said say I love you Even when they don't I a woman doesn't want a man saying I love you Okay I'm gonna first and foremost say feelings aren't facts. Let me repeat that feelings aren't facts For example, I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel upset. I feel Calm I feel safe. I feel respected We can all have different feelings at the same Literally at the same time and we can have conflicting feelings We can actually care for another being and be afraid of commitment Let me repeat that we can care for another being and be afraid of commitment So the reality Regina is most the time I've always said most men are good guys They're just bad daters and what that means is they don't understand How they can care for someone and have doubts and and uncertainties because they haven't looked inward I don't believe men are intentionally most men aren't intentionally trying to hurt someone I'm not saying that men don't I'm saying they're not in trying to intentionally just like a lot of women Lead men on a woman can lead a man on Only to have her disappear. It's a two lane street. It happens with women too I just believe that when we're in conflict It makes it difficult and again feelings aren't facts They're just in the moment. We feel someone and the words. I love you We can feel love for someone but it doesn't mean we want to be committed in a committed relationship with them So this is where the narrative of I love you to a lot of women is like, oh, that means he wants me for the rest of my life No, that's not what it means Most of the time when we're expressing a feeling it's in the moment and we can't take it to mean forever And this is why a relationship is built over time and trust is built over time. This is why Anyway, you get the point. This is why I'm not a big proponent of people Having incessant communication on the phone all day long and not actually spending face to face time On a regular basis to build the roots to a healthy happy relationship If this is sinking in please hit that like button If this is sinking in and you want some support check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if Working with a coach is right for you. All right. Nadia writes. Hey, canada. What did I what did you say? Is not that big All right, women Regina writes women only want men telling them. I love you if they do that's well By the way, no everybody people. Here's the thing again. We can say the words. I love you and mean it in the moment It's what you think I love you means. This is the real thing ladies You have to decide what I love you means to me Let me tell you what I and ask the guy what does I love you mean to you if you ask me By the way, someone say Jonathan. What does I love you mean? I'm gonna answer This is what it means to Jonathan as like I'm here You matter We are important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. Let me repeat that. I'm here You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. I only want you ladies You hear it that way, but that may not be the way he means it You've got to find out what it means from him To really know whether or not it you two are speaking the same language Ask what it means to him and a lot of times it's going to be a blah blah blah blah bullshit rhetoric So find out what it means for you And by the way, use my terminology. I'm here. You matter. We're important I've got your back and I only want you and tell them what this means to you and if he's not on the same page Move on Zytan writes, what's the largest age gap acceptable in your opinion 22 at 22? I can't date under 20 32 and most of the time those men are broken um Look at everything There is no one-size-fits-all. That's why a lot of advice generalized advice It's just generalized advice even as I said in the beginning of this Uh you two live this is just my perspective A 22 year old can date a 32 year old and have a healthy happy relationship for the rest of their lives I have a male friend of mine whose wife is 17 years older than him I have another friend, uh, who's got a partner in his life. That's 10 years younger than him I've got another friend who's in a relationship with a woman three years older Age doesn't matter emotional maturity matters emotional maturity And emotional maturity is what you should be seeking in a relationship Don't focus on the age focus on emotional maturity Now age does come into play because the older someone is the more life experience they have and Oftentimes the more traumas they've had and that they have traumas that they haven't been healing That makes that this is what we call baggage in a relationship or luggage um You want to find the younger people have a little less luggage, but it doesn't mean again luggage needs to be healing Or traumas and wounds need to be healing if you want to have a chance to be in a healthy happy relationship Is this sinking in if it is please hit that like button. Thank you And I keep repeating myself because I'd like more people to see this All right. Wei Chen says i'm taking notes. Thank you Doug writes. Hey Doug. Thanks for joining rules really rules Really unhelpful love ending structures never heard that before Okay Show me love talk is cheaper than grass growing. That could be true um, do you What is okay? I got that I met a man on an app a little over a month ago And we hit it off like crazy both talked of wanting a relationship and poured into each other but now But now out of nowhere he pulled back. I saw he was Um Still using an app even though he told me he wasn't but his location keeps changing I asked him about this and if we are still on the same page. He said yes He still wants to pursue us. I'm confused. You know what? Um But now he's nowhere. I I don't understand what nowhere means. He's out of nowhere. He's pulled back It's very common. Let me just say this in the dating realm It's common to kind of lean in and pull away and lean in and pull away Because the reality is is we could care for someone and have uncertainty at the same time This is why I said the three things men need to fall in love and commit They need to pull their head out of their ass They need to be in a space to desire a partner not just Connection and sex and they need to understand what commitment needs. Here's the deal Jess If he wants to have sex with you again Then You read this book together And he doesn't get to have sex with you again until you're done reading the book together How about that to create a an opportunity now a lot of you go well that might make him run away Listen if something like that scares a guy away Do you really want to be with a guy who doesn't want to build a relationship with you? Is this sinking in I hope it is all right um Mindy writes, I love you means I care about you and you're the only one for me Okay um Window woman looking good jonathan. Thank you. Coco writes. Yes. I don't like just messaging all the time I pulled back from texting and calls until lockdown is lifted and go on physical dates Good for you. By the way, I'm not afraid to go out and meet someone So some people are afraid to meet I'm unafraid You know, I I take my chances But I do believe that we the you know the the severity of covid has dropped significantly That doesn't mean it's not bad. It's just dropped significantly And so I wouldn't be afraid but that's just me and my invitation is the same For you and I just burped Okay um oops Bear with me Regina writes does a woman Telling a man I love you make him feel obligated to say I love you to you You know, that's interesting when we say the words. I love you. We have this inherent kind of obligation to say it back Look it I think from an impetuous place. We might feel love for another human being I'm here to say Love is something built together and quite frankly you should want to say it at around the same time both of you And I remember in my previous relationship of my most significant relationship after my divorce You know, we talked we we didn't want to say I love you to each other But we but we but we wanted to say we Look at we liked each other a lot a lot a lot a lot, but we didn't want to say I love you So we I called a french friend of mine and I can't remember what the term was But we had a she she told us of a french term that kind of means that Means I like you a lot a lot a lot So that's what we used to say to one another and then we just naturally said I love you one day And it just kind of stuck after that and by the way the relationship didn't go the distance I love you does not mean a relationship will go the distance. I love you is just how you feel at a certain time Commitment is what makes a relationship go the distance commitment makes a relationship go the distance not the words. I love you I love you is just an expression of how you're feeling. Is this resonating. Please hit the like button Uh camera, do you think a guy should argue with a woman? I don't believe we should argue at any time now That doesn't mean we might not have conflicts and differences Let me repeat that we might have conflicts and differences. This is why kmi highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg Why this is such a critically important book is because it teaches you how to have healthy communication with one another And it's so important Arguing is what children do Arguing is what children do. I'm here to suggest read this book how to be an adult in a relationship How to be an adult in relationship because the bottom line is this It's not a child wants to be right. I want to be right. I want to be right. I want to be right That's what a child does an adult wants to be happy And so one of the most important fundamentals of an emotional grown-up Is learning how to do what's called fight fair fight fair and fighting fair looks like this You listen to the other person's point of view You accept the other point person's point of view as being true for them They listen to your point of view And they accept your point of view is treat is their point of view is true for them Now you can agree to disagree. That's healthy communication And healthy communication is learning how to resolve our differences Let me repeat that. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy arguing people? Just want to be right and that's not very emotionally healthy That doesn't mean that your point of view isn't valid and we should both We should accept people's point of view as being true for them. It doesn't mean it has to be true for us All right, um Let's see Hit the like button people. Thank you Itchy knows is it allergies dried nettles around I don't think it's allergies. I just think It's just there's a temperature difference and I'm feeling a little chill. Okay Mary bet thank you for helping me out with my questions. If you like it, please buy a super sticker Everybody who invests in questions who buys the super sticker and stuff I'm going to build a foundation. I'm beginning a foundation around my son connor Um connor is my son who passed away. So all donations from this go into a fund that I'm creating A foundation for my son. So if you like something I say, please buy a super sticker It would make me feel really good and it helps us support a great cause so Okay, cutie, right same situation. We were taking things slow. Okay guys are hot and cold How do I make him warmer sweet with me again instead of sour? you know, listen I'm a believer that Two people have to want to be in a relationship and have to want to make work That's why I keep recommending these books over and over again Ladies dump a book on his lap and say look if you want your penis in my vagina, then we're gonna do this work together How about co-creating a relationship instead of leaving it up to chance leaving it up to the fantasy realm That many of you are doing and i'm and i'm yelling only because I'm yelling only because I want you to stop doing things a backwards way take charge of your life Take charge of your relationship destiny. Is this sinking in? I hope it is all right Um By the way, thank you. My son is cute We chin writes I've learned the hard way not to live in fantasy romance mode now What matters most is a competitive companionship without changing anyone's self-love exactly um All right, we're gonna do one more trivia question Oh, this is a this is an interesting one What was the first hit single from the heavy metal genre bending Glam band twisted sister. What was their first hit single was it You're not going to take it any we're not going to take it anymore. I want to rock You can't stop rocking and rolling the kids are back. Let me repeat that the kids are back You can't stop rocking and rolling. I want to rock. We're not going to take it anymore. Let's see if anyone gets that right All right, this has been my friday livestream I just want to thank you all for allowing me into your homes into your smartphones into your computer today To be able to share what is a passion of mine. I'm going to repeat those three things men need to fall in love I hope it made sense for you. I hope there was some value in this I'm going to just say men need to pull their head out of their ass Let's get them to pull their head out of their ass They need to be in a space to desire a partner and not just connection and sex And finally they need to understand what commitment really looks like from a we perspective Oh, thank you so much claire. I really be oh she asked a question All right, this is gonna be our last one everyone I'm dating a fab guy I met online and we had two great dates, but he became distant I asked him what was wrong and he said he suffers from anxiety But has pulled away is that just an excuse? Look at when a man really likes a woman A man's going to pursue a woman. That's what we do when we like a woman We're going to pursue them the challenge is is most likely you two are strangers to one another You're just strangers to one another and the challenge is is we can go on one or two dates And just not feel it. It just might not be feeling it and so to suggest now he might be feeling anxiety Um, but either he's wants, you know, if he wants to pursue a relationship with you He will the hard part is we're meeting total strangers today and it takes time to build the trust and this is the challenge with dating today Takes time to get to know someone and sometimes we just make snap decisions within one or two dates and move on Because we're so conditioned that it has to be fantabulous Otherwise, it's not worth investing to it just means he's not ready most likely I wouldn't put a lot of effort into it go go live your life And if he wants to see you again, you know see him again Or you know what you can do one last thing ask him out on a date and see how he responds Treat him to a nice dinner treat him to a nice Take him out for drinks go somewhere out Make the effort take the initiative and see what happens if he still is ambivalent Then you can move on but make some effort and see what happens. That's my invitation for you Wow, I can't believe how quickly an hour went. I know I could go longer But I'm getting ready to go out with my best friend and his girlfriend Um, and I'm going to talk to the gal. Oh someone else writes interesting. Thank you. Julia. I appreciate that um and And I'm going to talk to that gal that I've been talking to on the phone as soon as we wrap up All right, listen. I want to thank you so much again for allowing me in I'm Jonathan asley if you want some support check out the links in the description Discovery call with me my group called midlife love mastery. I want you to check that out Check out all the books. I recommend and jonathan recommend books And please pass on my channel to others I would be so grateful to you and hit that like button one more time All right, we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big jug in and Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to a friend or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a Hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now Bye