 Hi there lovers and friends, so I want to bring back a video that I previously deleted from my YouTube channel because it garnered way too many critical comments in a very short amount of time and Jared made the call to just pull the plug and just remove it all together because of the backlash that Namely he was getting from this piece of content, but it has been on my mind quite a bit and so I asked Jared if I could republish it. I am not doing this and I know that you're doing it like oh but I'll probably be there for the birth. I am making this decision with you because I love how it can be made together, but I'm making this decision with you acknowledging that you're probably not going to be there. That to be said, it's not you not being there for the birth, it's you being gone for so long that if I do sit in that, I'm going to ball my eyes out when you leave. You need to be very prepared for that. And I hope it doesn't come out the wrong way, but I hope that you know that you could have said this is not the time. Of course. Without it, 100% I know that. I know that. This video is brought to you by Squarespace, an all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website or engage with your audience and or sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms. Go to squarespace.com slash shambudy to start your free trial, no credit card required. And when you're ready to launch, make sure you go back to squarespace.com slash shambudy because that is how you get 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. And it's been on my mind quite a bit because welcome to my bachelor pad. I am currently solo for the next two weeks here in Turks and Caicos solo from Jared and also away from my two very young kids. One is three and one is one years old. And the reason why this has me thinking about this video because in this video, we talk about Jared and myself's decision to allow him to go on tour to perform with Jade Nova during the time that I was meant to give birth. And we did this in knowing that this is a critical period. And furthermore, that it's very likely that he'll miss the birth because without ample notice, which, you know, births don't always give you that, he wouldn't be able to fly back in time, especially depending on what city he was going to be currently in. So we had spent a lot of time talking about this and I'm really proud of this conversation. And moreover, I'm proud of the decision that we made together, which is why I wanted to share just to model how different families have to shift priorities in unique ways to make it work for everybody. And I'm going to be honest, I knew that it was a controversial or unconventional decision, but I didn't know how much projecting people would do. And I'm not faulting them for it. I mean, obviously many people are mothers or they're triggered by the idea or there's a lot of social scripts out there wherein, you know, parenting is heavily placed on the mother figure. So I got that it was much of it was in defensive me, but it also felt like, damn, one, have some faith and two, give us space to write our own script. And that's why I thought it was actually important to re-put this video out. I do agree with the decision to take it down when we did because as Jared noted at that time, we didn't know what kind of birth we would have. And if God forbid something happened, having that piece of content out there just would have been painful for many different reasons and something that people would utilize to not offer compassion during a time where we would probably need tons of compassion. But, you know, everything has worked out wonderfully. Our two children are healthy. Ziya was born into this world. Myself and my sister were there. Jared was not there. And we had a wonderful time that I will just treasure with me for the rest of my life. I won't go too much into detail about it, but I will just say, you know, my sister is one of the most important figures in my life and someone I just love so, so deeply. And while I was laboring with her in the hospital, she said to me, did you ever think about how powerful this is? Because one day, Ryu, my first born, might be doing this with Ziya, my soon to be second born, which just waterworks, right? It was just so symbolic for many, you know, reasons. And given the mental challenges that I had with that pregnancy, that just really made everything come full circle. Like maybe this wasn't our plan, and maybe this was challenging for me, and it was confronting me with a lot of identity issues. But the thing that I treasure so much in my sibling and having that sisterhood, I was now going to give that gift to Ryu and then to Ziya, who I was soon to meet and fall deeply and madly in love with. Long story short, it ended up being the right decision for us to make, but doesn't look like the fact that it was hard. And it's the kind of hard that never goes away. And that's the reason why I've been reflecting on that video a lot, because as I am here, and it is sad in many ways to be away from my kids and my family and very sad to hear, because, you know, she's three now, so she can vocalize like, mommy, I miss you. Where are you? When are you coming back? Why did you leave? Are you going to stay good night to me? Like all of those things, right? And it's hard, but it's also wonderful to have the gift of being able to still pursue the thing that I feel like I was put on this earth to do, to be able to do it at a large level, and to have the network of support, to have the husband that I have, the family that I have that allows for me to have an amazing family that I trust is being taken care of while I am prioritizing my dreams and my goals. And obviously, one hand washes the other, because I'm able to then provide for my family. But nonetheless, it's hard, and it doesn't just, I guess that's why I want to put this video out, because this is just a reality for many parents. I read a beautiful book that Kelly Rowland wrote, and the book really just highlights a working parents conundrum. The joy that you get in providing for your family and for some people, the joy that they get from their job because they enjoy what they do for a living, which I fall into that bracket, while also the pain that you feel from having to separate from your kid and having to explain to them why you can't be with them, because they want to be with you all the time, which is something beautiful that you don't want to take for granted because it obviously doesn't last forever. And I think that this video between Jared and I is just an extension of that same story of that tough spot that working parents are put in and the tough conversations and decisions that they have to make. So I thought it was important to share and model how we came to a decision like that. So that's why I wanted to bring it back for you. The way that I really feel about it is I am really happy. I'm really happy and is a great timing. No, but there's two things that I'm holding right now. One is the fact that I didn't choose you to be there for the first birth because I wanted somebody in the room who could advocate for my health needs and either one of us had done the research in order to be true advocates, to know the health care system, to know the birthing system, to know the different options, to know why you would choose to go one way versus the other. So I had elected to have my mom who has 10 years of labor and delivery nurse experience. And so for me to turn around now and be like, so important that you're there when I was advocating for you not to be there last time, I think would be very hypocritical. I'm so grateful. Don't get me wrong. The fact that you were there and the experience that we had with Riu was beautiful and I wouldn't change it for the world. And I would have loved to have repeated that again, but not at the cost of you not doing this to any capacity. And it's so unpredictable, birth, right? So that's kind of the tricky thing with tour. You're doing 21 dates. And every third day you're in a different city, every second day a different city. Yeah, some days the next day. Yeah. So it's not as if I can say to you if we were maybe at a different hospital where that option was presented to me, but at Kaiser it's not been presented to me that I can just plan to have the birth induced in a certain day. So that to be said, I could give birth tomorrow. It could be August 4th, could be August 12th, could be August 14th, could be the, I think we have up until 10 days after, could be up until the 20th. But I did mean what I said before, I am not doing this and I know that you're doing it like, oh, but I'll probably be there for the birth. I have making this decision with you because I love that we made together, but I'm making this decision with you acknowledging that you're probably not going to be there. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that would be, it would be painful. And to your point, the reason why it would be so painful is because of the last experience that we had and how magical that was. And just, it was so primal and incredible and being able to, you know, touch and feel the baby when it first, you know, breathes air was just a magical moment and that I don't want to miss that. All in all too, I think I saw the Instagram comments from some people. Yeah, yeah, I was getting hit. I was getting hit. Yeah, that we're just like, this is that it's rightfully so, but I think it's important for people to realize that we make meaning out of the things that we want to. Yeah. I have never made meaning out of the labor and delivery process. Not last pregnancy, not this one. Everybody's like, what's your birth plan? I don't have one. Just want to have a baby, go to go to the hospital when pregnancy is so long. And I actually found it very bizarre last pregnancy that everyone's so obsessed with this day. You're pregnant for like 200 and some odd days. Like it's a long time. So I commented to somebody who was like, man, I just feel so sad for you that your partner doesn't value this really special experience enough to make that sacrifice. And I was like, I'm happy for myself that I have a partner who's there every single day as a father. You have shown, you're here every day, day in, day out, day night with, you're a true 5050 parent and partner with our baby. So that's what I make meaning out of. I make meaning out of the fact that this pregnancy you have been emotionally there for me and physically there for me in ways that you weren't last pregnancy and not a lot to do with the communication that we improved upon together. But nonetheless, like the fact that you're not going to be there for the day, I'm not making meaning out of that. And if it means something to somebody else, I'm happy for them to advocate for that and to push for their partner to be there. I'm not going to make those same pushes just because other people think it's not a good look. Yeah. And, and, you know, I think it's, it's to me, like when I read some of those comments, I was just kind of like, yeah, I get how you can look from your vantage point. I understand. That's fair to say. Luck, you know, in our relationship, we talked about it before I even said yes. It wasn't like I just said, hey, I'm going on this tour. So you gotta luck, you know what I mean? You gotta just do this. We actually had a dialogue, your opinion mattered on it. That to be said, it's not you not being there for the birth. It's you being gone for so long that if I do sit in that fee, I'm going to ball my eyes out when you leave. As I was saying to you guys, I recently used Squarespace to purchase a site for our professional emails and for our production company. 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They can actually help you to design your products, handle production, inventory and shipping. Again, when we think I want to do it, but I don't know how or with who see if Squarespace can fill that gap for you. Again, e-commerce, I can go on and on about their services. So if any of this has piqued your interest, go to Squarespace.com to start your free trial. No credit card required for this. Just play around and see what's options, what's available for you. And when you decide you want to launch what you have made in your free trial, go to squarespace.com slash sham booty and get yourself 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. You need to be very prepared for that. I will. Like if I even sit in that feeling because it's, you know, you're my partner for so many things and I rely on you for so much. And so I automatically go into fight or flight thinking of you not being around. And I am like, you know, I know that you know this. I'm really scared about this second kid. I am really scared about managing time. I'm obviously also basing this off of the capabilities of my body right now, which is very limited. So I'm like, will I be enough of a parent to do this by myself? And what will I do when Jerry's not there? I mean, thankfully we have, oh man, this guy, my mom is going to be here for a week and my cousin, Alana will be here for a week. And then obviously my sister Lauren and her family are not far down the road. So I'm not isolated. But I think the fact that it makes me emotional is more of the reason why I'm grateful that you get this experience. Because you give so much. You give so much to me and to this family, to my career, to my dreams. You have sacrificed and given so much. I am glad the universe is giving back to you. And I am super fucking glad to stay out of the way. I hope that you know, and I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but I hope that you know that you could have said, this is not the time. Of course. Without it, 100% I know that. Yeah. I know that. And I would have completely understood. I knew how the perception would be. I knew the perception would be this is irresponsible. This is something that's not fair. You know, all of that thing. And I remember, you know, thinking about that social pressure when Ryu was two months old, I had an opportunity that I wanted to take up for a job. And it would have me being away from home for 17 days. And I couldn't bring Ryu. I couldn't bring you. And it was a huge decision for me because in essence, when we decided to have kids, we were acknowledging that there would be a life that was more important than ours. There would be goals, shared goals for this child that would be more important than our individual goals or even our shared goals. And it felt like, man, two months in, I'm already quitting on the job, you know, when she's young and she needs me the most. And I was going to say no. And you were the one who was like, you need to go. This is going to be an opportunity that we're going to see the benefits for for a longer period of time in those 17 days. And you need to do this for you. And I am here as your equal support system for this reason, so that you can do things like this. Now, I didn't put it out there online. You have to because you got to sell tickets. But I, for this reason, I didn't tell anybody. You know, and my family knew, but I didn't put it, I didn't post on social media. I didn't tell anybody because I knew that the backlash and the perception of me would be negative. But the opinion that mattered, of course, and only ever matters is yours. And so that's why I made that choice ultimately. Yeah. And it's something to be said. It's like, you know, going to your point earlier, it's like, this is a short window. I'm going to be in our child's life for forever. And if you're going to judge my ability to be a father or the way that I look at you or our family based off of a month of me having to be away, then it's just like, your opinion is no void to me. Because that's your feelings and that's your opinion. And you probably already had that about me before I even made this decision. Now, let's not mince or cross hairs here. It's going to suck. Yeah. I actually remember that when I went away for that job and you were with Ryu. Sometimes you would call me and you wouldn't be speaking and she would just be screaming. And I'd be like, why is your calling me? And then I realized that you just needed someone else there. Yeah. Someone else to go through it with you. So I would just be on the phone with you as a silent partner just so you felt like you weren't alone. Yeah. So I know it's going to be hard. There's no part of me that is disillusioned about the fact that not having to raise a one and a half year old by myself, doing that to going to having a one and a half year old and a newborn at the same time while I'm recovering from delivery, it's going to suck. Yeah. But, and if I complain to you, it is never to make you feel guilty. It is only because you're the person I share the authentic lived experience of me with. Yeah. I if I know I'm going to call you and you're going to be in fun, lively environments and you're going to be like, hold on one second. Yeah. What's up? What's up? But I'm going to be like, thanks for calling me apart. I'm so miserable. I'm overwhelmed. You're going to be like, yeah, babe, I know. Cool, cool, cool. I'm coming. I'm going to play beer pong in a second. Just give me two minutes. Beer pong. What am I waiting for college now? Well, whatever. You're going to be having a great time and I want you to have a great time. Yeah. And here's the thing too, Jared Brady. You better fucking crush it. And the reason why I'm encouraging you right now to go to the gym, to rehearse, to take time away is because do not make this for nothing. Yeah. It's, it's a funny one of our followers reached out to me because I shared about this on my podcast. Not as fun as I am now. I was a little bit more emotional there. But they had reached out and they sent me a message and they said, Hey, if I were Shan and I would want you to go, you have to go and kill it. Like, it has to be like, yeah, that made sense. If you come back and there was no growth, there was nothing there that nothing, nothing moved forward. And it, and you were dwelling on the fact that you weren't there and that stopped you from performing at your best. This would be a waste. So if you make the decision to go, you have to make that decision 100%. Yes. That one hit home because it was like, I was kind of entering this with a lot of guilt, a lot of feelings, a lot of like, I'm so happy, but this hurts. And I can't really like explain that and do this. And it's hard for me even right now to promote it. And like, how do I show up and with knowing this and all these things. And there were so many things weighing in my head that when I saw that message, it was like, okay, if you are saying yes to this, go hard. Yes. Because it would be worse if you said yes to this, and you weren't going hard because you felt guilty and you let your guilt get in the way of you actually making this moment. All of it, I want you to get the tour experience that you want. You're going with your brother, you're going with Mike, a friend who's a DJ, you're going to be amongst people that you have a good time with. Like I want you to have fun. I want this to be when you were in high school and you decided that I wanted to make music because I love the feeling of being on stage. I want, and you dreamt of one day getting to do that. I want this to be the realization of that dream. I want you to make that 14-year-old version of yourself really proud. Yeah. And I'm going to be suffering without you. Go have all the time in the world. You have to be able to hold. But I'm going to be suffering. You have to be able to hold both truths. I will both. You've got to be able to hold both truths. And one is not going to take away from the joy that I feel for you. I'm going to feel compersion. I might feel resentment sometimes. It's going to suck for me. I need it to be awesome for you. Thank you for watching or rewatching that video. In closing, I want to share a brief story. So I was talking with another parent and before that conversation, we had just come out of parent-teacher conferences with Ryu's preschool. She's three years old. And the teachers were saying that they want Ryu to get to preschool earlier. She usually arrives around 9.30, 10 a.m. But preschool opens at like 7 or 7.30. And I didn't, I wasn't able to attend because I was at work, but Jared was able to go and he was relaying that to me. And I was like, man, I wish I could be there to tell them that I have no intention of bringing my kid earlier. That I really value the fact that I've gotten to a place in my career where I am an entrepreneur that I can choose when my day starts. And I choose to start it around 10 or 10.30 a.m. That way I can wake up when we want to. I don't want to start the rushed hurried morning. I remember growing up, I'm just naturally a late riser and I feel Ryu's the same way. I remember growing up, having anxiety when I slept, like waking up to see how much more time that I had. So getting freedom over when I could wake up was one of the most impactful things when I turned over from a life of working for others to working for myself. So I just like really like I very much treasure that gift. So I don't want to impart that on my kids, especially if it's unnecessary because you know, she doesn't even have to be in school right now. So they, I don't want to speed it per morning. And on top of that, we usually do one activity together before she gets to daycare. And then I bike her to daycare. So the pace that we have is consistent with the culture of our family. And I don't have any plans of changing or speeding it up. And I was expressing this to this other parent. And then I was basically saying like the way that my work is set up too is once I start, it usually gets really filled up very rapidly. And the next thing I know, I look up and it's 5pm. And I just can't imagine dropping my kid off at daycare at 8am and then picking her up at 5pm. Like that's an incredibly long day. And that parent like nodded and listened along and then turned to me and said, well, my kids went to daycare from 6am to 6pm because of my commute to work. And I just immediately felt so bad because I wasn't telling that story to emphasize that like anybody who leaves their kid at daycare for this long as a bad parent or just to put any shame on a parent who just honestly and genuinely was trying their best, doing the best with what they had, with the circumstances that they have. And we all feel the exact same way. We all have the same challenges and feelings. And I just want everyone to keep that in mind. And especially with this generation. And I just want to say this on record, I am so proud to be a parent in the cohort of parenting that I'm in right now. I am in awe of all of you. When I see you at the park playing with your kid, something that I didn't experience growing up, but I know many of us, you know, our parents were there to raise us and instruct us, but like physically play at the park or physically play with us. That's just to me, maybe it's culturally that just wasn't very common. When I see you at the airport, taking a second to yourself to gather yourself before you address your kids, because you know you're in fight or flight and your immediate reaction may not be the best one. When I see you show up at parents in classes, when I see you at the libraries, like when I see you online and I read your comments, I just know how deeply you care. And we live in this very conflicting generation where it's like sky is the limit, hustle, achieve all you can, rise to your potential while also being a 100% present and devoted parent, while also putting your child's needs first. And that doesn't just include their, you know, their food, water, shelter needs, also their emotional needs. And we're trying, like we really, really are doing a really, you know, we're really, really trying. And I just want people, you know, not just to retroactively see that in myself and Jared before making comments that could make people feel bad about a decision that was already hard to make, but just in your everyday life in general, when you're reflecting on and talking about other parents, or even talking to yourself, just applaud yourself for doing the best that you can, because I just genuinely know that to be true. That's all. Take care. Bye.