 So are you ready to be in a new relationship? So many people who get into relationships, they aren't really ready. And so they end up jumping in and out of situations that they don't really wanna be in. And if you get into a situation, if you wanna get into a relationship that lasts, then you need to know when you're actually ready to be in a relationship. And so today I'm going to give you seven signs that a relationship is probably coming your way pretty soon. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. So let's just go ahead and jump into all the different signs here. So sign number one is that you love and value yourself. So most women who jump in and out of relationships, they do this because they're settling. They're tired of waiting for the right person and they will take somebody who's 70% right and try to make it work. But the reason that it doesn't work is because the 30% of things are too important to ignore. So you either end up incredibly unhappy, trying to change the man or the relationship just doesn't really last very long. Instead, you need to come from a space where you love, accept and value yourself if you want to end up in a great relationship. If you really value yourself and you really believe that you deserve an amazing relationship, a great relationship, you will not allow yourself to get into a situation that doesn't serve you or get with a guy who's not really looking for what you're looking for or who isn't really good for you. And so make sure that you focus on loving and valuing yourself. And one of the great ways to do that is by changing your belief system, changing the way that you look at yourself and think about yourself and the words that you say to yourself. And if you wanna do that, you can always do that with the Forever Woman program. It's a great program. We have women that have done that and they've ended up in great relationships and many of them have gotten married as a result. So if you're here with us right now, say hi in the chat, it's really cool to see women from all over the world in our chat and watching these live streams. So number two is you've waited long enough after the rebound period. So breaking up sucks, let's just be honest about it. It's painful, there's all kinds of bad things that can happen from it. There can be a lot of resentments that come. And afterwards you end up having all these needs that were being met by the man that you were with and now they're not being met. And so what's the easiest thing to do? Just jump into another relationship in order to try to get those needs met. However, here's the problem. This usually only works for a short period of time. And then you end up in and out of relationships this way. Why? Because the relationship that you're getting into, it's not about it being right or with a great guy that really fits with you and your values are aligned and all that kind of stuff. You're just getting into a situation because you're trying to get your needs met, not because it's the right situation, which is why it only works out for a short period of time. And then you're like going through these different fluctuations because then you're having to break up again, right? And it's like, this just keeps going and going and going and going. Instead, what you wanna do is you wanna make sure that you heal and get to a space where you don't need someone, that you're with someone because they enhance your life instead of simply fulfilling needs that you have that must be met. So you wanna, what you wanna do is get your needs met by yourself, right? Learn how to meet your own needs. And then when you get to a relationship, that person can enhance those needs instead of you being completely dependent on that person, you're like grabbing all of them like, please meet my needs, you know? And you just jump from one relationship to another, which is another thing that a huge portion of the population does, which I do not recommend. I recommend that if you break up with someone, you spend some time healing first. You spend some time getting over it and letting go and meeting your own needs. That way you make sure that you're getting into a situation that's really, really healthy and you're not just jumping from one situation to another when you're not really ready to be in a great situation that you wanna be in. So number three is you take time meeting someone that you like. So look, I've been there, many people have been there like every woman in our community has been there. We've all been there. Everyone's been there, right? You meet someone and you just wanna get the dating over with. And so you're like, hey, let's jump into this relationship as quickly as possible. And so you like, you know, like grab hold, you guys grab a hands and you jump in, right? You jump in the pool. The problem is you're getting to know, you're not really getting to know the person fully and you're potentially ignoring red flags that come up because you just wanna jump into the relationship instead of going through that very, it's a very important period of time where you like date and get to know somebody. Sometimes it works, right? I have a friend who it worked with where he only knew this woman that he was seeing for about a week. And then he ended up proposing to her because he was like, baby, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life, right? He was a player before that. Like he was just playing all over the block before that. And then he met her and they've been together for seven years. But for most couples it doesn't work that way, right? Most times you get into a situation and you jump in and then all of a sudden all these things start coming up, you're like, wait, I thought that you had a great job but it turns out that you're in mountains of debt and you fart in your sleep and you do whatever other annoying things that you do. And then all of a sudden you're like, I'm not sure if this person's really the kind of person that I want to be with. And so next thing you know, you're getting out of a relationship again and then you have more time where you have to wait, right? There's a quote that goes, it's better to wait long than marry wrong. Well, I'd say that it's better to wait long than being the wrong relationship. I know that's not nearly as catchy as the first phrase but I think both of them apply pretty much the same way. So number four is you are happy in your life. You're just happy in life in general, right? You don't need a man to make you happy. You make yourself happy and the man that you get with makes you even happier. If you need him to make you happy, it's gonna be exhausting for him and your happiness will be based on external circumstances and whether he's giving you attention and what he's saying to you and all the things that he's doing, right? Because it's all based on him. And so this usually ends in pain because you're like so dependent on him and you're like, oh, give me that happiness. And he's like, I don't wanna deal with this anymore. It's exhausting to me to constantly try to make you happy. And instead, what you should do is come from a space of happiness first, right? Put that smile on your face already, figure out ways to kind of let go of the pains of the past and get to a space where you can be genuinely happy, where you're looking at your life and you have passions and you have things that you love and you're spending time appreciating your life and you love your life and you do this and you spend time thinking about these things on a daily basis, that's the best way to get happy. That way, the relationship that you get into only enhances your life and it doesn't become the only thing that matters in your life, which is what it will do if you base your entire level of happiness on the relationship. Number five is you've worked on your own issues and you've grown from the efforts that you've worked on, right, so almost everyone in the world has pain and hurts from their past. You can either let those hurts make you bitter or you can use them to make you better. If you're bitter, everything in your life will be bitter. If you're better, everything in your life will be better and you get to choose which one it is. Choose wisely, there are a lot of people that are bitter right now, a lot of men that are bitter, a lot of women that are bitter, just lots of people that are bidders, bitter beddies, right? You don't wanna be a bitter beddy, you want to be a better beddy, a better beddy, bitter. Anyway, you get what I'm talking about. I suggest that you use whatever pains and hurts that you have in your life to grow you and make you stronger and make you better and make you more equipped and to help you push you into the life that you really want, right? Because pain, what it does is it pushes us in different directions. It's a motivator, it's like rocket fuel and you get to decide which direction it pushes you into. And so my suggestion is that you use it to make you better. If you get what I'm talking about here right now, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask a question about it or ask any question about your situation and I will get to the questions here at the end. So number six, you don't hate your ex anymore. So the mark of a mature adult is letting go of blame and resentment of the past, right? You stop making it about your ex being this horrible person and I hate them and they did this to me and all that kind of stuff and you start recognizing that they're just doing the best that they can, right? Like everybody's just doing the best that they can. People do things because they think that that is the right thing for them to do and that's the best that they have with the tools that they have. And if you spend much time being compassionate to other people and getting into their shoes and being like, why would a person, like if I was this person, why would I do this? Why would I hurt them? Why would I walk away? Why would I yell at them? Why would I do these things? And almost always what you end up realizing is that person was hurt, they were scared, they wanted to do the right thing and they did things that didn't make sense to you because they were coming from a place of being hurt. And so if you still hate your ex, what you need to do is make peace with that if you want to attract a healthy person in your future because what you'll do if you don't is you'll just end up dragging all that baggage and anger into another relationship and that will sabotage the relationship and cause you to withhold and close down and lose trust and it will end up spiraling downward and destroying the relationship. And so what you wanna do and you can do this in a relationship, it is possible, but a lot of times what people do is they will let a relationship enable them, right? So a lot of women come and they're like, oh, I met this guy and he's this broken bird and he has these problems but I can see how great he could be, right? But he's not willing to step up, right? And one of the reasons that he isn't is because he's getting all of his needs met from you. And so what you wanna do is make sure that you're not enabling yourself to stay in a bad place because you're constantly in a relationship and instead you do the work and let go of the pain and come from a space of healing and wholeness so that you can get into a great relationship. All right, number seven, you don't need someone else, you just want to share your life with this person. So all these things really boiled down to growing and maturing as a human being and being in a space where a man doesn't complete your life but instead enhances the already amazing life that you have. You should come from a space where you don't need a man but you have space for him to be there with you. So live your life and to heal yourself before you try to get into a relationship with someone. If you aren't really ready, if you still have some hurts from the past, you're just gonna hurt more people even if you don't mean to. So make sure that you heal up, make sure that you change your belief systems, make sure that you change the way that you look at yourself and you feel about yourself and you realize where you came from and the value that you come from and the value that you offer to the world. And one of the ways that you can do this is through using my forever woman program. I go over a lot of things, a lot of women have really healed from past relationships and let go of Xs and some of them have gotten back together with Xs from using the forever woman program or they've gotten into new great relationships, they've realized their value and they've realized that they deserve something better and they'll take the checklist that I have of different things that you say to yourself on dates and they will just, while they're sitting there with a great guy, they'll just say those things to themselves and they'll realize that they do deserve a great relationship just like you deserve a great relationship if that's something that you want. And so my suggestion is that if you don't have the program to go get it, you can get free access to that program right now if you go to theforeverwomanformula.com you just watch the video that's there and then sign up when it tells you to sign up and you can join our community we have over 11,000 women in our community right now, I think and so it's really cool, it's really great to be a part of it and you can learn a lot of really great things and use that system to get into whatever kind of relationship that you ultimately want to be in. So all right, who's got some questions here? What do we got? What do we got? Full questions. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, happy fours. What do we got here? Who's got some questions for me? I've got some answers for you. Samantha says, my boyfriend is cheating on me. Well, that sucks, right? I've been in that situation before and it can be incredibly, incredibly painful and the best thing that you can do is break up with him and go heal yourself right now, Samantha. Don't stay with a guy who is cheating on you and you know, make sure that you heal and my suggestion is that you get my program and learn to make sure that you get back into a situation whether it, you know, some people want to stay with their cheating boyfriends or whatever if you decide that, my suggestion is that you get the program that I have so that you know how to communicate your boundaries and what you want and decide whether that's really something that you want to be in or not, which, you know, in my opinion, you shouldn't stay in a situation where you are being cheated on ever. My suggestion is that you don't do that. Some people can end up, some people can end up changing, right? And you know, stop cheating on people but most people don't. Most people don't stay, don't change. Everybody can, right? People change all the time and they become better all the time but most people don't. And so you don't wanna rely on him changing for you in a situation like that. So Yasmin just gave 10 bucks, thank you Yasmin, says, hi Matthew, are you taking Q&A? I am absolutely taking Q&A. So put your questions Yasmin into the chat and I will go over whatever questions you have. Taryn Walker says, hey man, my name please. I don't know what you're saying right there. Let's see, do we have any questions yet? Any questions yet? Sissy says, hi Matthew, I've been so busy. I miss many of your live streams. I'm back, well, welcome back Mrs. Sissy. I appreciate you being here. I almost called you missy. But it's Sissy, lots of people get it, they get it, they get it, they get it. So Yasmin says, and she gave me 10 bucks. So thank you so much Yasmin, I appreciate you, you throw in some cash my way. She says, hi Matthew, my question is, besides the need for respect and intimacy, what are the other core needs? So yeah, respect is one of them, right? Respect is a very important need that we all have, right? We all want to feel like we're significant, we're important and that we're being respected. That's what respect means. It means that you value someone, you appreciate someone. That's what respect means. The synonym for that is appreciation, right? And appreciation in economics means to raise the value of something. And so you're raising the value of him. You're showing him that he's important and significant and all that kind of stuff, right? And that's what respect means. And so there's different ways to look at the idea of respect. You mentioned another one here, which is intimacy, which is really connection, right? So intimacy, connection, feeling like you're with somebody, you're together with somebody, you're connected to somebody, you're in love with somebody, you're sharing with somebody, your hearts are connecting, you're feeling emotions, you know, all that kind of stuff, which I teach about in The Forever Woman. There's other kinds of needs that everybody has as well. One of them is excitement, right? The need of excitement. We all want variety or excitement or things that are different, right? Things that are changing, right? And that's kind of like the mystery element that a lot of dating coaches talk about. They talk about mystery. What they're really talking about is excitement or variety, right? You're not sure what's gonna happen. Think about it like a sports game where you watch a sports game. What are the best sports games to watch? The best ones to watch are the ones where the teams are so evenly matched that you're not really sure who's going to win because, you know, this team could win or your team could win. You don't really know because it's so evenly matched. And so you're watching and you're like, oh, who's gonna win this game, right? And that's excitement, right? That's variety. That's the unknown. That's mystery. And that's a need that we all have. And sometimes we get all of our needs fulfilled through a person and sometimes we don't. Another need that we have is the need for stability. And so, you know, if you look at excitement and stability, those things seem like they're contradictory. However, they're not, right? Like there's certain places where he wants to feel like there's stability there, right? Like you're, he knows that you're with him, right? You go out and when you go out, you're with him and he knows that you're there and that you're with him and that you're awesome and that you're gonna be there with him. But there's some other things that might happen with you that creates excitement. For instance, there might be some mystery, right? Or there might be some uncertainty. Uncertainty is a really, really powerful part of the whole excitement and variety need because it's like he's not really sure about how you feel about him yet. And so he knows that you like him but you're not really, you know, won over by him yet. You're not really completely sold on him yet. And so what that does is it creates this wonder in his mind, this excitement and mystery in his mind and he gets excited about you, right? So we talked about significance or respect, variety and excitement, stability or comfort, right? Like you wanna be exciting enough that he's excited by you but you don't wanna be so exciting that he thinks that you're a crazy person. You wanna still have that other side to it which is the stability side, the comfort side, the knowing what's going on around with you side, right? The predictability side versus the unpredictability. They're two sides of the same coin, right? The magic is always in the middle, remember that. And so you have that, there's also a need for growth, right? So he needs to grow into becoming a better person with you, right? He needs to be able to see that you guys are moving in the same direction and growing in the same direction with each other, right? So that's the growth need. So that's intimacy, connection and love, significance, stability, excitement, growth and those are really the main needs, right? Those five are really the big ones that I would be focusing on if I were you. Great question you asked me. So let's see. Lorana says, Matthew, you are such a great big brother relationship coach. Thank you, love you, I get it. Well, you know, I appreciate you. I thank you for allowing me to be on helping you on your journey and that's right. I am your big brother. So remember that. I will teach my little sister how the ways of what's going on with men. So make sure you're listening, little sisters. All of you are my little sisters. I don't care how old you are. You're still my little sister. All right, so what do we have? So, yeah, yeah, says, hey, Matt, I have a question. How to deal with my man's past? My boyfriend used to be a player and he would bring it up from time to time which makes me feel, which makes me sometimes so uncomfortable. How can I cope with that? Well, one of the things that you can do is figure out whether this is like a legitimate problem or not, right? Like if you're feeling uncomfortable with it, it either means that one, you're on the side of being a little bit, like taking it personally or something. I don't know what he's saying, right? So it could be that you're taking it a little bit too personally and that, you know, you just need to be securing yourself a little bit more or it could be that he's saying things that are inappropriate. And if he's saying things that are inappropriate, what you need to do is set a boundary and let him know and communicate that so that he knows that that's kind of a topic that you don't really wanna hear about, right? And the best way to do that is to communicate what it is that you want, right? And then go into the boundary. And so this is how you set boundaries. You start by saying what you want. So in this case, you might be like, yeah, you know what? I really love hanging out and having conversations and I feel like our conversations are great and it makes me feel really, really connected to you. And then you go into the boundary and you say, but, you know, whenever you talk about this thing in your past, it kind of makes me feel really uncomfortable. It just, you know, it sounds like kind of weird and you're talking about these other women and I'm just like, it feels really kind of gross to me and it makes me feel less attracted to you. And so, right? And so that's the boundary. And then you say why, which is because it makes me feel unattracted to you and it feels kind of gross and, you know, and then you ask him, you know, if he agrees to the boundary, which is, you know, I'd love to talk, but can we just speak about, you know, things that don't have to do with that, right? And he will say either yes or no, or he will kind of converse with you more about it and what's going on and why he's talking about it or whatever, right? And he will, if he really cares about you, you'd be like, okay, you know, we don't have to talk about that, right? Or whatever. And that's showing that he respects you and he values you and all that kind of stuff. And so that's kind of how you have that conversation, right? If it's on the side of you taking it personally and it's not really about, you know, him kind of going into this area where you really, you know, it's not really appropriate for him to be talking about, then what you want to do is just work on your self-esteem, you know, if you're like talking about stuff as well, right? So if you're both like talking about your past relationships and stuff, but, you know, you get hurt about him talking about his past relationships, but you want to talk about yours, right? Then it's more of an issue with, you know, kind of security, right, and yourself. And you can build that if you want to through, you know, different emotional states and changing the way that you talk to yourself and a whole bunch of different things. I'll be putting together some programs about that here in the not too distant future, hopefully. Hopefully by the end of the year we'll have some programs about that out. And so, yeah, but, you know, it's one of those things like make sure if it's, you know, it's a two-way street, right? If you're talking about stuff that's inappropriate, make sure that, or if he's talking about things that are inappropriate, make sure you're not doing it as well, is what I was trying to say there. It's what I was trying to say there. I hope you understand what I'm saying. Hayin Sinta says, is it normal for the ex to want to rekindle most of my ex-boyfriends are like this and wondering if this is a result of me not hating them giving me some hints, please. Yeah, I mean, that's a pretty normal thing, right? Like I have an ex back program that you can get where it's called, you can get it for a dollar right now if you're interested and you're interested in getting back with the next. It's, you go to commitmentconnection.com forward slash restart dash your dash relationship and you can get my program, my ex back program for a dollar there. It's all about this and it's actually pretty normal for exes to want to go back because what ends up happening is the same thing that we're just talking about in the video where the guy will leave, right? And all of a sudden he's not getting his needs met anymore and, you know, you're not, you know, whatever negative things were in the relationship, he's not feeling that anymore but he looks at you and he's like, yeah, this is that sexy, amazing woman that I first knew, right? And so he's starting to rebuild positive associations and so he'll start trying to like reconnect with you again. And if you want to, you can always restart that relationship if you know you're coming from a healthy space which is one of the things that I teach about in the program. And so yeah, that's absolutely a normal thing. It's actually pretty common. Like a lot of people hate on the whole idea of getting back with an ex. Like, I'll post some things sometimes about like getting back with your ex and you'll see the comments and it'll just be like one after the next, like, use an ex for a reason, leave him alone, you know? Don't ever get back with an ex. But it's kind of a weird thing because it's like, okay, so what about like a marriage? If a marriage is falling apart, you shouldn't like fix the marriage or if a relationship's falling apart, you shouldn't like fix the relationship. Well, an ex is just one step past that where you're like, okay, you know, we don't want to be in a relationship anymore right now. And then you guys kind of do some healing or figuring some things out and you come back together, right? And there are a lot of things in the kind of get your ex back space which is really manipulative. But there's a lot of things in the regular dating space that are really manipulative. And you know, we have plenty of women that have gotten back together with exes and ended up married as a result of it. And so I don't think there's anything wrong with that. That's just my soapbox here. I'm just babbling about that right now. Let's talk about some, some other things. Yo, what you got? What you got? What you ladies got for me? What you got for me? Lily Perez, what you got for me? My Michael Jackson holler right there. Okay, so Matthew, I recently broke up with my boyfriend because every time I would bring up something that made me feel disappointed, sad or mad, he would turn it back around on me was I at fault. Well, I'd have to know a lot more about your situation, right? Like it's one of those things where first off, you're not giving me much details about anything that's going on in your situation. You're just saying, hey, my boyfriend would turn these things back around. Well, you know, there's two possible scenarios there, right? And what you're going to see in the comments is that a lot of women are going to be like, he's a narcissist and he's gaslighting you. And that is possible. However, it's also possible that you are projecting, right? And which is one of the reasons why it's difficult when you go to just, you go into like chat forums and stuff and you're like, hey, this is what happened. And this is what the guy does. And then all the people on there are like, narcissist, he's an evil man, you know? Like he's gaslighting you, right? And they don't know anything about you. They don't know that maybe you do have some stuff going on and that you are projecting stuff onto him. And so what you need to do is you need to take a moment out and figure out whether it is actually him or you that's going on there, right? Like does he have some legitimate concerns about what it is that you're doing and try to come from it from a rational standpoint and actually talk to somebody and sit them down and be like, hey, so this is what I did and then this is what he said, right? Like is there a legitimacy around what he said? Because if you just say he did this and then, you know, he, you know, I had a complaint and then he turned it back around on me, right? If you're not talking about whether you actually have the same behaviors that you're, you know, pointing out or projecting onto him, then nobody knows, right? And then it just turns into this big blame fest where you're just blaming somebody else and it might have nothing to do with him and he might not be the problem, he might be, right? You don't know unless you have all the facts on the table and you look at them and you say, okay, these are the different things that happened. Am I at fault here? Am I a part of the problem? Or is it, you know, or is he really what the problem is? And so you really have to take a deeper look at that to find out. So there's no way that I can tell you based on what you said, whether you're at fault or not, you'd have to look at your behaviors and whether what he said had any legitimate like weight to it or not. So Natalie says, can a man change if their love? And the answer is yes, many men will change if their love but I wouldn't bet on that, right? You don't want to bet on a man changing. Men can change, will they change? Probably not. It's unlikely that they will change, but they can. So that's your answer there. Anime Freakish says possible to stay friends dating a guy and we both really enjoy each other's company. We know that we want different things but don't want to cut each other out of our lives. Well, so it depends, right? The question is, is staying friends going to hurt your ability to meet somebody else, right? And if you're staying friends means that you're cutting yourself off to new people then you probably shouldn't stay friends. If staying friends means that you're just staying friends and you have strong boundaries and you know that you're not really getting all your needs met from him and you're open to meeting other people then it's okay if you stay friends with your ex. All right, let's see, we've got another payment here from Yasmin, so we'll take hers because she's doing the payment so she's giving me money so I'll talk to you first, Yasmin. All right, so thank you so much for all you do. I love how you brought up variety uncertainty as a need but how can you maintain that in a long-term relationship since familiarity breeds contempt and it's easy to fall into a routine? Yeah, it is very, very easy to fall into a routine. And one of the things that you need to do and you need to make sure that you do is have things set, right? Schedule stuff, put things in your schedule like every so often you're going to do this or add this kind of variety, right? Cause there's a lot of different kinds of variety. Let's just take variety because you don't really need to put, so there's kind of two components to this, Yasmin. The first one has to do with variety and that form of excitement, there's a whole bunch of ways that you can get that variety and one of the ways is to like go out to different like restaurants, right? So you say you have sushi night, right? I used to do sushi night with my girlfriend like 10 years ago when I was dating her and we would do sushi Sundays. And every Sunday, we would go to a different sushi restaurant somewhere around the city and just try their sushi, right? And it was a lot of fun and it was a lot of variety and it was different and there was just, you're getting different needs fulfilled, right? There's a whole bunch of different ways. You can do stuff in the bedroom where you're trying different things out. You can do stuff where you just take walks to different parts of the city or if you live in a city with some kind of public transportation, what you can do is just get on different light rails or different trains and just be like, okay, we're gonna go here, you know? And you go somewhere, right? And you have fun and you just show up somewhere and you're like, oh, let's check out the, you know, the little town here and all this is a cute statue. Let's take a picture and all that kind of stuff, right? And so there's a whole bunch of different ways that you can create variety with somebody. And so what you wanna do is find different, you know, things that work for you guys and the ways that you normally seek variety and then take that variety. Like one of the ways that I do variety is I travel. I travel all the time, you know, back before the beer bug came about and everybody was stuck at their homes, I was traveling all over the world, right? And even actually next month, I'm gonna be flying back, I'm in Europe right now. I'm gonna be flying back to the States and I'm gonna be traveling to Colorado and Wyoming and Texas and Arizona and Florida and then I'm probably gonna be flying back to a different country in Europe, right? And so I love travel, right? And it's a huge thing for my variety and excitement in my life. And so that's number one, right? That's the number one kind of way that you can do it really easily is creating that variety through that. Another way is what you're talking about with familiarity, breeding contempt is what, and that's a, you know, I hate the law of familiarity. You know, we all know that. Law of familiarity sucks. But what you can do, Yasmin, is you can change, what you need to do is you need to have a life that's separate from him to some extent, right? Not totally separate. You don't wanna be just completely living different lives but you wanna have it separate enough that it's exciting to hang out with you and meet up with you and talk to you and be around you. And so what you do is you create like your own identity. That's the big piece of it is creating a separate identity because when you end up in a relationship together, your identity molds into one. And it's almost like you become one person and what they found through research studies is when you break up, it's really painful usually because you've melded your identities together. And so it's painful because it feels like you're losing a piece of yourself. And so what you wanna do is you want to spend some time and have kind of this like separate identity from each other already where you are building your passions you're doing hobbies, you're doing things that build your sense of identity. So things that you really love to do that are about you and you alone, you know, your guy isn't into those things. So maybe it might have to do with music and might have to do with sports and might have to do with underwater basket weaving whatever kind of hobbies or passions that you have maybe it's volunteering, maybe it's whatever, right? But you've got your own thing that he's not involved in. And so what that does is it creates a separation, right? And then what happens is it breaks that familiarity. And so he's, you know, you're doing your own thing and you have your own stuff going on. And he's like, oh, I wonder what she's up to. I wonder what she's been doing. And then when you come back together you've got all these things to talk about and this happened and you know, this gossip and that stuff and you know, all these different things, right? So what you're doing when you do that is you're creating variety, you're creating mystery, you're creating excitement. And so those are the two main ways that you really want to build, variety, excitement, mystery, all that kind of stuff. So I hope that answered your question there. Let's see. You maintain that in a long-term relationship. And you're right, exactly, yep. Exactly. Let's see. All right, next question is, let's see here. What do we got? What do we got? So Paula says, hi. Your program has me dating a man that is very masculine, traditional and strong, which is very different for me. But I feel like I have hit a communication plateau. Recommendations for keeping conversations fresh and interesting. Well, I mean, I could talk about that all day long. I have programs about conversations and how to talk to men and all that kind of stuff. And so what do you want to do is just ask questions, get curious, try to get him talking as much as you can that those are general things that you want to do. Open, ask open-ended questions so that it's not just a yes or no answer. It's like, what do you think of this? And how do you feel about that? And all that kind of stuff, right? Find the things that he's really interested in. Because whenever you want a guy to talk, what you want to do is you want to find his passions. And then you ask questions about his passions and you'll be surprised. Even guys that don't really talk very much, if you get them talking about the right things, a lot of them won't be able to shut up. So if he's into, let's say he's into music and he's into like old rock music or something like that. And he's gone to a whole bunch of concerts and he loves just going and playing music and listening to people playing music. If you just ask him questions about that and just get really curious about it, you'd be surprised at how much he'd be willing to end up talking about it. And then he'll feel really good because he's starting to associate those good feelings that he has to his passion to you then. And then all of a sudden it's a different kind of a world. So yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. What do we got? What do we got? Shelly says, how can I say no to coffee offers to men but still be respected by men? I'm beginning to say no. Well, I'm not sure exactly what you're asking here. So how can I say no to coffee offers to men but still be respected? I mean, I don't know how you would... Are you talking about coffee offers as in you don't want to be taken out for coffee or are you saying coffee offers as in some guy wants to take you out and you don't want to go out with him, right? Those are two completely different things. I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here. So I'm just going to move on to the next question. Annabelle says, when is the best time to tell guys you are looking for something serious? Well, I think you should be having that conversation fairly early on. And second or third date should be around the time when you have that conversation. First date, what you should be doing is just having fun and being playful and getting to know each other. If the conversation comes up, the conversation comes up but you should definitely be having it by like the second or third date, right? Where you're just asking what they're looking for. And a lot of times what guys will do just to let you know is they will say that they're just kind of looking around and seeing what's going on. Most people are looking for something serious but they don't think that they're going to find it with anybody, right? So most guys think are looking for something serious but if they don't think that they're going to find it with you, they'll usually settle for something that's casual. And so what you want to do is just ask questions about it and get him talking about it and see what he has to say about it. And if he's looking, if he's not looking for something serious then you know, you should definitely let him know. You should definitely communicate that you're looking for something serious and you should definitely ask him before you tell him what you're looking for to find out what he says. That way you can know and you can get a gauge on where he is and if he avoids the conversation or anything like that then that's a huge red flag, right? Guys who avoid the conversation, guys who are really looking for something serious they are not apologetic about talking about it, right? If you're like, hey, if you're a guy and you're looking for something serious which is a lot of guys out there they are very much like, hey, this is what I'm looking for. However, if they meet you and they're really physically attracted to you but they don't think that they'd want to be in a long-term relationship with you a lot of times they will tell you that they're just looking for something casual. So you have to be careful about that. Do, do, do, do, do. Shelby says, underwater basket weaving? Yes, underwater basket weaving. That's what I'm talking about here. Muppet Puppet says, Matthew, I really like how frank you are in your live streams. I've been binging on your videos and I've learned so much. Thank you, you are absolutely welcome. Try to be real here, right? My whole thing here is just to be super real with everybody and tell people how things are. Tell people how things are. That's what I'm here. I'm not here to jump around the issues and try to pretend like things are the way they are and all that kind of stuff. Lori says, how do you calm your desperation for intimacy when you meet someone so you don't end up in bed too soon? So what you wanna do is find other, it depends on what you're talking about with intimacy. If you're talking about emotional intimacy, then what you wanna do is you want to build emotional intimacy with friends, you wanna build it with family, you wanna build it with other people, maybe dogs or whatever, I don't know, maybe your dog is your therapist. I know some people that are like that, they pick up their dog and they're like, oh, Wolfie, I had such a hard day today. Like, let's talk, you're such a best friend of mine. They have emotional intimacy with their dog, which whatever, I'm not here to judge. So you wanna create connection, right? You wanna create emotional intimacy with other people in your life, with friends, family, animals, that kind of stuff. Anywhere that you find emotional intimacy, whatever emotional intimacy is for you and where you find it, that's where you wanna get it. That way, when you go to him, it's not like you're like, oh my God, I need to get emotional intimacy from him. And it's a little bit different if you're talking about physical intimacy. If you're talking about physical intimacy, what you wanna do is, if it's really that big of a problem for you, if you're just like, oh my God, I gotta get me some right now, right? What you wanna do is just try to take care of that beforehand, like before you go into those situations, however you can. And another thing that you can do is you can use kind of like meditation for it where you just let the urge just wash over you and just notice how it comes over you and just let it go, right? Which is another way, right? It's a way to kind of break yourself from different types of urges. This is what I use all the time, which is why I'm kind of a workaholic now because I've shut myself off to a lot of the things that most people do, right? Like watching TV and doing a whole bunch of things that normal people do. I didn't do it because I wanted to have a successful business and do a bunch of other things that were really successful. And so I spent a lot of time just shutting off other things that were going on in my life in order to create that for myself. And one of the ways that I did it was through using meditation. And when you have those kinds of urges or desperation coming up, what you can do is just kind of fully go into that experience of it, that feeling that you have and just allow it to like wash over you and just feel wherever it is in your body and just let it go through you and just get a full experience of it and then kind of like just because it'll come and it'll go, right? And then when you get into a situation with a guy like that, what can end up happening is that that feeling will end up coming up for you. And instead of reacting through that or from that space of that feeling and being like, oh, I gotta get me some, right? You can just kind of let it go like you do in your practice and your meditation practice, which is what I do. So that's that. Let's see what other questions we have here. Shelby says, I don't have a question. I just think you're hilarious. You don't know it yet, but you're one of my besties. Hey, Bestie Boo. Okay. All right, Shelby. All right. So, Esme says, I think I've been, I've got too much crazy and unpredictable going on. If someone is considerably older than me, but we have an amazing chemistry, is it worth me telling him I like him rather than wait for it to come from him in case he is unsure whether to make a move due to the age gap? Or would that destroy his wonder? Should I let him, should I let it come from him and just let it go if he doesn't take the step? Well, so here's the kind of the philosophy behind this, the theory behind this. And this works if you do it the right way, right? There's a middle ground. There's always a middle ground. And a lot of times people say, oh, don't show interest or show disinterest or whatever, right? But usually that only works with like really insecure guys who are really desperate for something or guys that are like super aggressive, that are like, oh, I'm gonna get this woman no matter what. And showing interest isn't a bad thing. It's not a bad thing at all. A telling guy that you're interested or flirting with him or giving him hints or that kind of stuff. It's not a big deal, right? What you wanna do though is you don't want to make him feel like you've been caught, right? Like he doesn't have to do anything to get you, right? That ends up being a turn off because guys value things that they work for. And so you want to show him interest, right? You wanna dangle the carrot in front of him so that he's running after the carrot. But at the same time, what you wanna do is you want to have some uncertainty there about whether you're sure about him yet, right? So you want to show interest but you want him to still, you want there still to be uncertainty about how you really feel. And so that is what creates a lot of attraction, right? That's what creates kind of mystery and intrigue and excitement because he's like, that's the variety need that we're talking about. That's the exciting one. That's when he goes on the date and he's like, she's not really sure. She didn't seem like she's sure. I'm not getting a good read. Well, she said earlier that she kind of liked me but now, I don't know and she's kind of like doing these different things and I'm not entirely sure, right? And so that's where that excitement comes from. It's not like telling a guy that you're like, you're kind of interested or whatever or telling him that he should ask you out or something like that isn't a big deal, right? Giving him the opportunity, like throwing the ball to him and saying, take it and run with it, right? Isn't a bad thing. The problem is when you take the ball and you start running with it and you're like trying to or putting him in a wheelbarrow and trying to roll him down to where you want him to go. Eventually he'll be like, I'm not sure that I really want to go here, right? You want him to be doing the work as well. I'm trying to like, I'm desperately like trying to come up with a good analogy for this. Row in the boat, right? I think that's the one that Rory Rare uses. And so you want to make sure that you're showing interest in him, but you don't want to be doing all the effort and you don't want him to feel like he's totally got you already. You want there to be uncertainty there because that is what drives a lot of intrigue and desire and passion and excitement for a person to a guy, from a guy. So, Taddy says, have a question. What if you don't get held to the past relationship? You are trying, but you can't let go of that memories. What can you do? I think what you're trying to say. Taddy, I think what you're trying to say here is that you're stuck on an X. And if you're stuck on an X, what you want to do is you want to shift your focus and rebuild your sense of self. Like we were talking about earlier where when you're with somebody, you feel like you've kind of got this molded identity but when you break up it feels like you kind of lose a part of that identity. And so what you want to do is you want to spend time rebuilding your identity. So doing things that like enforce and reinforce that identity of oneness that you have with yourself. That way you feel like you're a separate person and it kind of wanes you off of that addiction that you have to the connection of the relationship when you do that. Very, very important to do. Very, very important to do. Very, very important to do. Shelby says, oh, I got to pay you to talk to me, Bestie. Well, you can definitely pay me to talk to me if you want to do that. I have no problems with you paying me to talk to you. All right, let's see here. Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop. Michelle says, I'm late to the video but wondering what to do when dating a man who is not affectionate but I need affection. How do you bring that up? Well, it's one of those things where you want to, first off, figure out whether if this guy really isn't affectionate and he doesn't want to show affection and he's not going to show affection, if this is really a situation that's right for you, right? Like is this really a match? You know, you've got this great guy but he's never affectionate towards you. You know, is this really something that you want to be in? And so that's the first question that you want to ask yourself. And the second question or the second way to kind of deal with this is to communicate, right? So you just let him know that it's really attractive. You know, it's kind of set the standard where you say things that give him a place to kind of go to, right? If you say, you know, you can say something like, I really like it when, you know, you do this or I really like it when guys do that or I really like it when, you know, isn't it so like, I don't know. I just, I feel like it's really romantic when a guy holds a woman's hand when they're walking and just, I don't know, like I've experienced that before or I've seen that before and it just made my heart melt and made me feel, you know, just so like, I don't know, girly and warm and safe and comfortable, right? Or whatever, right? And so basically what you want to do is start associating positive emotions to whatever it is that you want to have happen. And so what's gonna end up happening is that the guy is either gonna start doing those things or he's not gonna do those things. And if he does those things, just realize that he's probably doing those things just for you. And if he's not, like that's not in his normal nature, then it's gonna be really difficult for him to do that. And it might be a point of contention in your relationship going forward. And so you just have to, you know, think about it and decide whether that's really something that's really important to you and, you know, how difficult it is for this person to do that thing, because you don't wanna be in a situation where you're constantly needing to tell somebody what they should be doing and trying to push them and force them to do something because that's just, it gets exhausting after a while and you feel like you're not really getting your needs met and you're doing all these things and you want him to do these things, but he's not. And so that can be a bad situation to get in. Man says, the wheelbarrow method. That's right, yeah, the wheelbarrow method, exactly. So Ivy says, huh, best tip, not to shave lady bits before the date, that would definitely stop from giving. Stop from giving in, okay, good tip there Ivy. Don't shave the lady bits. So a lot of, we live in kind of this culture, the hookup culture right now where a lot of women are having challenges, a lot of men and a lot of women, everybody's having these challenges because our culture is kind of pushing this idea of superficial relationships over anything real. And so a lot of women are having challenges and troubles. And so what I've done is I put together a system that you can go through and it's called the forever woman and get it at theforeverwomanformula.com and you can get free access to it. If you go there right now, watch the video, you can get free access to the program and it's helped women get over their exes, it's helped women get back together with exes, it's helped women attract great guys, they're soulmates, they're men of their dreams, these are all words that women have used about what they've attracted from it. They've gotten married, women have gotten married as a result, it's helped women fix their marriages and get into a much better space with a man. And so my suggestion is you go check that out, it's at theforeverwomanformula.com and you can learn more about that program there. Let's see, there's one, somebody else sent me some money so I'm just gonna answer this last question and then I'm gonna get going. So lovely Rosa says, Matt, if you're out with a well to do man and other women flirt with him, is it because he is sending signals or simply because they are being assertive and want to capture his attention and how can I handle it better? So if you're out with a well to do man, I'm guessing that you're saying he's attractive when he's saying he's well to do, right? Maybe you're saying he's rich, which nobody should know that unless he's like wearing super nice stuff, right? So my guess is that you're saying that he's an attractive guy. And so if you're with an attractive guy, women are gonna flirt with him regardless of what you do. So no matter what he does, no matter what you do, women are gonna flirt with him. Doesn't matter if you're with him, doesn't matter if you guys are holding hands or locked in arms or whatever, women are still gonna end up flirting with him, right? Cause a lot of women have no shame, just like a lot of men have no shame and they will flirt with women in front of their boyfriends. It's the same thing with women, they'll do this and I've seen it over and over and over again and it's kind of gross, but it's what happens and really it's not up to you to do anything. You shouldn't need to do anything at all. It should be up to him to do something and so he is gonna do something and what he should be doing is he should just be finishing the conversation as quickly as possible, assuming that he doesn't have to talk to him about more things going on. Like let's say that you guys go out to a restaurant and your waitress starts flirting with him. Well, he's gonna have to talk to her all night long and regardless of what happens, but there's a big difference between him flirting in front of you and talking to her and ignoring you and going over and talking to women or any of that kind of stuff, right? Which are huge red flags, it doesn't matter how well to do or attractive he is, you should not, you are worth more than putting up with that kind of behavior. And so what you wanna do is determine whether it's something like that or whether it's something where he's just shutting it down and turning it off and kind of moving on with his life and what's going on. And so that's what he should be doing, right? He shouldn't be engaging in a big flirty conversation with these women and you shouldn't have to do anything about it, right? He should know, he should be smart enough to know what's going on and to be able to shut that down. And if he's not, then it's a red flag and it's something that you should set up a boundary around where you just communicate to him that you love hanging out with them and you really like them, you love hanging out with them, you love going out with him, but that women come over and start flirting with them sometimes and you don't feel very comfortable with it and that you feel like you're being disrespected when he continues to flirt with them or whatever and just ask him if he could end those conversations as soon as they come up, if they do come up and ask him if he agrees to that. And if he does, then that's great, see what he does. But if he continues to do that behavior, you're gonna continue to get that behavior for the rest of the time you're in a relationship with him. So what you need to do is you need to make sure that you set your boundaries if it's something where he's kind of pushing past those boundaries or doing something that's inappropriate. So those are the two things. One, you shouldn't be needing to do anything about it. And two, if you do need to do something about it, you need to talk to him and you don't need to worry about those women. If he starts like getting into other conversations with other women and flirting with them and all that kind of stuff, my suggestion is that you walk away. And I'm not meaning like you kind of ignore what's going on or anything. I mean, get up, call an Uber and leave, right? And get out of that place or getting your car and drive away or whatever, right? Depending on how you got there and just leave, right? And if he's doing that in front of you, that is incredibly disrespectful. And that's how a high value woman would treat it, right? She'd say, hey, if he was like, hey, where are you going? What's going on? And you're just like, look, when I am with a guy, I want him to be there with me and I want to be valued and loved and treated with respect. And if I'm not going to receive that kind of treatment and behavior from a guy, then I'm not hanging out with a guy, right? And so if you decide that you want to figure yourself out, let me know and wait for the apology which should be coming. And if he gets righteous and self-dignite and turns it on you or any of that kind of stuff, stop seeing him, right? Because you are worth more than that and you should be valuing yourself and making sure that you're not getting into situations that are below you. So that's it for today. Thank you so much, everyone, for being here with us. I appreciate you and I really appreciate that you have allowed me to be on your journey to attracting and getting into the relationship that you want to get into. So thank you so much for being here with me today. I've got to go get going. I've got to go do some tap dancing or something. I try to come up with something new every time. I'm on one of these live streams, but I kind of say stupid things because I'm not thinking of them beforehand. If you want my program, go check it out. You can get free access to foreverwomanformula.com. Thank you so much for being here and I will speak with you again soon. Take care, everybody.