 Hi there, friend! So tomorrow is my next prosthetics appointment. I'm hit up there, I've had my leg all week, but I've not been able to use it because my leg has been in a lot of pain from the fall that I had and you're not supposed to use your leg apparently. If it hurts, that's something I'm learning, but I was sitting here journaling tonight and it was just super antsy and anxious and didn't want to write anything like just wanting to avoid anything mental health related or like taking your time to calm down and focus and that's usually a good indication of me that I probably should do just that. As I was trying to pinpoint where my anxiety was coming from, I realized a big part of it is tomorrow's appointment that I feel like I'm doing like everything wrong. I feel like I'm not healing fast enough or like I'm rushing things. I feel like I'm not using my leg enough or I'm using it too much. I feel like I overestimate pain or underestimate pain. I feel like whatever I am doing I'm just I must be doing it wrong. Everyone says like over and over and over again that like everyone's journey is unique. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm scared for this whole process. It's easy for me in some ways to like smile and to have a good time with this and to like in the moments I can embrace it and have a fun time with it and like be open to what life holds now even though it's never what I projected or expected, but there's not a part of me that's completely petrified and I think that comes out on days where I specifically am meeting with my prospecting team. I don't know why, but that seems to be what happens and as I'm thinking about tomorrow, like I'm scared. I'm certain that tomorrow will go well. I'm certain I'll walk away from it feeling better and that's not something to be scared of, but I'm scared right now. Oh, I almost fell there. Good morning everybody. It is way too early. I got a whole two hours of sleep and I'm packing up my super sparkly backpack. I call this my amputee backpack. Oh god, I'm out of breath again from like hopping two steps. I'll get my stamina back one day. So in my amputee pack, which my husband hates by the way, he thinks it's like horrendously ugly, which makes me even happier because he has to be seen in public with me with it. I have things like my socks. So basically you wear these when your leg starts changing shape throughout the day and I almost forgot these because we got ahead of my prosthetics appointment. So let's get going. All right, getting my leg on before we head on in. We're way up to Denver today. We got hit and now our trunk won't close. I was able to walk for the first time, but my neck's all messed up and my shoulders all messed up and I've got a migraine coming on. It will be okay. Everyone's basically all right. I was laying down the back seat with my leg up and my neck kind of got messed up a little bit more, but hey, that's okay. It happens. Kind of got really shaken up by it. So I canceled my second prosthetics appointment. I usually have two in one day, so I don't have to drive so much. But I said I just want to go home. So we're trying to get our trunk fixed, as you can see behind me, because it won't close anymore because our frame got messed up. Good news is I walked for the first time without any assistance, so that's cool. I'll be picking up my not final prosthetics leg, but the one with like actual carbon fiber on Friday. That's neat, but I'm really looking forward to getting home and getting off the road because I've been in a lot of car accidents, as I'm sure a lot of people come late too. And yeah, it kind of shakes me up. Also, I got scheduled to go in and finally see my doctor. Again, my leg isn't healing up from that fall. So we're gonna go get x-rayed again. That's going to be on Thursday, so I'm looking forward to chatting with him and seeing what's going on with my leg. I'm sure it'll heal. I'm sure it'll be fine, but it is weird that it's taken so long to kind of heal up. Just want to make sure there's no like bone bruises or you know, chips or anything like that. So we'll get that checked out. Please notice the sea of blankets behind me because like I said, I live in a sea of blankets before. So I am safely home. I've been home for a couple hours now and putting heat on my neck so it's starting to feel a little bit better, but I thought I would take this moment to answer a question a lot of people asked me, which is like, how do you stay so positive? And I wanted to share my big secret with you guys. It's that I have breakdowns on the regular. I'll take like a solid two-hour chunk and like curl up under my sea of blankets on the couch and just put on a movie that like makes me all teary-eyed and so I can like feel emotion through that because I can't really just like cry on my own because I'm not that healthy emotionally just yet and feel sad or angry or bitter or upset at how unfair the world is and then at the end of two hours I'll put myself back together and be like, all right well that was a fun little pity party and let's move on with life now. Sometimes it lasts a little bit longer. Sometimes it's a little bit shorter. Sometimes I sink in depression for days because I definitely definitely definitely struggle with that. But for the most part I attempt to be open to what life has and I have great people around me like you guys for instance to encourage me and like Brian and like my mom and my dad and my brother and my good friends. So I mean don't share the secret guys if it got out. I mean could ruin the world. Just kidding. There's really no secret and I'm not positive all the time. I just take moments to definitely like break down and just lose it for a few minutes or a few hours or a day or two at a time and then come back ready to like face life again or fight life again or whatever that is. So I'm curious what you guys do. Like do you have many breakdowns or do you like store it up for a year and then just like crash and burn for a week? Do you never feel anything? I mean we all deal with things pretty differently. I would love to hear what you do. Thank you guys for watching. By the way it was really cool that I got to take my first steps today unassisted. Like that was pretty that was pretty cool thinking about it now. I'm excited about that. That's like real progress. I didn't really expect that to happen this week. So that's good news for today. I'll be honest like the car crash this morning really weirded me out and like made me super shaky and odd. So I'm probably gonna chill at home the rest of the day and just kind of take it easy. I hope you guys are having lovely days or evenings or middle of the night or mornings or whatever time the day it is when if you're watching this you guys are fabulous. I love you dearly. Thanks for watching. Bye guys.