 John Really who is this a little old lady who little slimy pimple of a human being oh Sorry mom phone therapy if you're depressed press one if you're trying to work through childhood traumas press two If you have multiple personality disorder press three and four if you have an eating disorder Press pound you have pressed to working through childhood traumas if this is correct press star If you are the adult child of an alcoholic parent press two If you are the adult child of a parent addicted to 12-step programs press three If you are the adult child of a Republican press four If you are the adult child of 60s love children who named you after a plant press five You have pressed five if you are a woman who loves too much press one If you are a woman who reads too much about women who love too much press two you have pressed one If you are drawn to men who are emotionally unavailable Press two if you are prone to affairs with married men Press three if you want to have an affair with a married man hang up and call 555 21 23 if you remember why the hell you called in the first place Hold on and someone will be with you shortly. Have a wonderful day