 Hi, my name is Denise Dineen and this is Holistic Happenings. Thank you for joining me today on my Zoom interview with Tara Robinson. And this is just the beginning of a series that I'm exploring the mental and emotional health of our middle school children. And because of the quarantine and COVID-19, and Tara Robinson is a middle school coordinator at McDuffie's in Granby, Massachusetts. And thank you for joining me today. Thank you, Denise for having me. I appreciate it. Yes. So you are a middle school coordinator at McDuffie's. Can you tell me a little bit about what that entails? Sure. I've worked with middle schoolers for about 10, 12 years. And at McDuffie, my role is really to help support mental school as a community. So we are a top heavy school, meaning that the bulk of our enrollment is all upper school students. We're pretty small at the middle school level, but we like to say, you know, we are small but mighty. It is my job to help make sure that those students all have a voice. I connect with teachers to make sure that they're getting all that they need. And then I liaise on with parents to make sure that they're understanding what's happening at this time and try to make sure that everyone's on the same team and we have a really strong positive community vibe, which has been challenging in this new environment for sure. To say the least, right? So you have sixth, seventh and eighth graders. How many students do you have and all do you know? We are at 33. I'm pretty sure right now. That's you make it sound so easy, but to be a liaison between the teachers, the students and the parents, it's it's quite a feat in itself. It's it's a lot of work. And I know that you are really whenever I send an email to you, you're right there to answer any of my questions. So it's kind of it's a 24 seven type of thing for you. And I'm wondering how this has changed. If any if it's the workload is even more exhausting. Well, there's definitely a lot more components because, you know, I've always been a working parent and now I'm a parent who is working and trying to balance between my own family needs and what's going on here at home. And then recognizing that there's all that and more going on with the families of my students. I also teach three classes. So in addition to my administrative load, I'm I'm teaching classes and working with those students and those families. But I really want for families to feel like they can connect to me. You know, students are really fortunate that they have an advisor that they can connect to our teachers are really available. But I want to try to help make sure there's a constant and someone that's there just trying to facilitate all the communication that needs to take place. Right. And I find it very interesting that with the middle school coordinator, it's it's such a unique time with this age group. And there's challenges that come with that, even on the best of times. Never mind during a pandemic and the social needs of this age group. You are very aware of because you see them every day in the halls, like you said. So there is some concern as a parent on my end, if there's a piece that we're missing here, which is a huge piece for them, because it's a developmental part of this age group, isn't it? The socialization part, absolutely. This is I've also had a background in Montessori and Montessori. Maria Montessori would call this the sensitive time period for socialization that within that age of 12 through 18, specifically, this is when their peers are super important and they're trying to create their own identity and they're basing that on feedback from their peers. And and while there's certainly a lot of effort and there's access to connect to your peers remotely, it's really different. And there's a whole different level of of truth that goes on when what you're sharing is all via social media or a video or text. So that adds a whole other level of complication to it. And then all of the family stress and uncertainty, so much that's going on that kids are trying to internalize and process at this point to then have to worry about what their friends are thinking or doing as a whole other layer too. Right. And like you said, if there is that whole dynamic of being quarantined with your your parents or your siblings this whole time and it's a stressor, have you had any children or parents? I know there's advisors and you have, you know, the psychiatrist and you are not that, but because you have such a unique availability to this age group and you're you get a whole picture of a puzzle because you're you're getting the story of the parent and you're getting the story of the teachers. And is there anyone that's coming to you with some concerns or people reaching out, families reaching out? Yeah, fortunately, I mean, there's a lot of different ways that we're being made aware of challenges. We meet with our advisees regularly and talk to students directly that way. And then I meet with all the middle school advisors. So I'm getting kind of their feel for what's happening with their students. We are still having regular deans meetings, as we call them, where the school psychologists and the academic support and the academic dean and the middle school dean and the dean of boarding and all these people come in together and we talk about kids and red flags and what we're hearing from from parents. And so there's a really supportive network there. There are a lot of one-on-one conversations that are happening with students and there are some really, you know, concerned friends who will contact me and say, you know, someone's kind of down and we try to check in that way. So I certainly don't pretend that we have the full picture of everything that's going on, but there's definitely a lot of ways that we're trying to understand what's happening at home and avenues for people to reach us and to share concerns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a there's a huge learning curve for even the teachers and all of you during this time. And and you are all dealing with your own crises during this, too, being at home and working with like your have a son that's five, right? So those are you're trying to incorporate all of those things, too. So it's a lot of patience on both ends. Are you finding that when is there is there anything that's going to come out of this that you think that's going to change things like a lot for you and in the course of your work? Or it's not ever going to be the same or there's something that oh, well, this is interesting how this worked. We might incorporate this or any changes in that in that way. Yeah, I mean, I think it's hard for us to tell, you know, what's going to happen at the other end of this, especially when we don't know how long this is going to be. You know, is this just a stepping stone along the way? And we'll look back at this and say, oh, remember those few weeks where we had to deal with this or, you know, remember when this really changed the pedagogy of education. Right. I think that there are certainly things that we can take away from this that will be positive. I think that we had to learn, you know, new things about balance that maybe we forgot or that we didn't have to face. I think that teachers are certainly realizing all the different many resources that are available. And it's had to shaken up teaching a little bit. Sometimes when you're teaching the same thing year after year, veteran teachers, it becomes routine. It becomes stale. And now when you can't just take out that document that you've always used or teach the same way, you realize, oh, gosh, there's all these new things that we can do. So that's certainly where it's going to help to strengthen our community. I know right now sometimes we feel stretched thin and we feel like our community is lacking because we're not in contact. But I'm learning so much more about my students and their families and their homes and, you know, what else is going on in the world. It's easy, especially at a school like McDuffie, where we try to focus so much on community at the school. And we have, you know, you have borders. So it's a boarding population. So we have a lot of kids who that really is their world. It's something easy to forget that there's a whole other world out there. And now we're really being forced to face it, that kids are coming to school and they had to leave all this stuff behind all these other stresses and worries and maybe exciting things and whatnot. And now they're in it and they're submerged in it. And we have to figure out how to address that. And then we get a fuller picture of people for better or for worse. We're seeing more of what's going on in people's full lives and not just that window. There's an extra layer there, isn't there? And there's that closeness and, you know, and the kids are seeing the teachers more human, humanized, right? And hearing the dogs or, you know, the children or, you know, seeing you in your home environment. And I think that is one of the positive things. They're not feeling so isolated that way. And luckily, I feel with Matthew's schooling, he's got classes every day. So he's busy and he's got a, he's got a quite a workload. And as an appearance, it's a different kind of, a different spin on things and being more engaged and not just relying so much on maybe it's going to be done at school, right? So it's made me a little bit more interactive and seeing how the different platforms that he has to check. So this has changed things for me as a parent, definitely. Yeah, I think that there's, you know, there's some of that kind of give and take and back and forth between what we expect can be done at home versus what really can be done at home and what we were doing at school and then modifying that. And, and right now, I think that's one of the biggest challenges that teachers are facing is that balance of trying to give the kids enough work that, or enough meaningful work that they are able to engage and continue on and lessons have purpose and their structure and routine, but recognizing that for some kids, like that is not a priority right now and they're overwhelmed and they feel like they're falling behind and for other kids, they're starving for work and they need some focus and they need some purpose. And every good teacher tries to differentiate and in the classroom, you know, we've been practicing that for so long, we can differentiate and we can vary instruction, but at least you have the constant of everybody being in the classroom and everybody having those resources and having that same environment and now, you know, you're spreading it out into 10, 15 different homes, different time zones, even different through a lot to try to balance. Yes, yeah. And there's anxiety in every in every child is going to deal with that anxiety very, very differently. And Matthew is kind of a laid back kind of kid. And, you know, thankfully, he's had a lot of changes in his in his world. So this is another layer, isn't it? And I believe that the structure is really important. And that's they're able to connect with their friends at school. That's really huge. And then seeing the teachers seeing their faces or hearing their voices, and not to treat this like it's a vacation, right? Yeah, I mean, it's, you can't go either way, right? You can't treat this vacation, but like school, you know, this is not the same thing. So again, trying that right in between where it's it's enough but not too much. And it's the right stuff at the right time. And I think that what I'm trying to do is I've also been in addition to classes, I've been trying to organize just open middle school zoom sessions like this. So at least once a week, we all meet together whoever's available. It's an open drop in session, we talk, people show off their Legos or their pets or their siblings, we've been doing virtual breakout rooms or escape rooms and puzzles. That's cool. That was what we did today. And so I think that there's just that need for socialization. Yeah, I think kids appreciate some kind of a purpose or structure because they could organize a zoom session on their own time and some of them do there are kids who have taken initiative on that but to say this is a time this is a place, we're going to do something we're all together. I think that that's valuable too. Yeah, yeah, I truly believe this is giving them some autonomy too, in a kind of a safe environment. And this is the age that they're they're they're feeling like they they want to go out and be and do things on their own. But you know, they're still, you know, hanging back and a little scared. So this is a good platform maybe for that if you need to find a positive from it. They're still able to do that. Now, what are the teachers and what are you doing for your own self care is to keep your your sanity through all of this? You know, I think that the most important thing, you know, I say like balance, I feel like balance is going to be my trade word. True. But it's important to unplug the same thing that I want for the kids to do, you know, despite all of this, we have to find times to unplug because so much of what we're doing now is tied into this. Fortunately, right, not that there's ever a good time for a global pandemic, but it's getting warmer, right? It's we can go outside and try to take walks trying to make time to do things with the family. I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to come out of this having learned a foreign language and made every Pinterest recipe in the book, but I'm trying to find something something that we can do. I've been teaching my son card games. So we've been playing card games as a family. Our regular weekly movie night has certainly upped its frequency. And so we're working our way through the Disney vault. Yeah. And I think that as far as, you know, our network of teachers, we're really trying to, to keep that human aspect of it. So there's a lot more check ins, you know, there's a lot of group texts going on. There was a virtual happy hour. There's, you know, as we are missing that in the hall. How are you doing? Let's grab a coffee chat. Texting with people I'm calling people I'm having these face to face video chats where we're just able to say, who you know, this was going on today. And then how is your day? I know. It's true. It's, we see how much we enjoy interacting with people after all this, right? It's like usually I'm like, Oh, I don't want to be getting to break. And this is has changed that. I haven't I have a question as a parent for myself with trying to keep, you know, Matthew on top of doing his work. And I've kept it pretty regimented. But I'm finding that, you know, he's doing some of the work, you know, work. And I think it's done. And then he's, you know, oh, he missed that one piece. So it's, it's, it's really that that part of giving them that autonomy, autonomy, and then having that responsibility of taking care of their own work. So that's my struggle during, during this. That's what was going on right in during the school year during the time this is exactly when parents start to loosen up the reins and they want their kids to be more responsible and take autonomy and take ownership and kids are starting to learn how to advocate for themselves. That's one of the things that I really want to, to push on to middle, middle, middle school students is that sense of advocacy, advocacy, how do you advocate for yourself? And it's hard, they're just learning that skill. And now we're like really pushing it on them, right? Because they've got all these different teachers, they don't have that same support network, where all their teachers are going to see them in the hallway are going to be able to just walk by them and say, remember this, remember that. And parents, it's hard once you started to let go, you don't want to collapse on top of them again, right? So I think that I'm feeling like I like, oh, my gosh, how much did I slip on before? Because I thought I was pretty much on top of it. And I don't know if it's because of the platform or because he's here. But I feeling like I'm losing a grip, like some grip on it. And it's hard. We can't. I feel like I'm often in a difficult position, because as the middle school coordinator, every progress report that's written, you know, letters that want to go out to parents, they come through me first. And I try to put a nice little subheading of a hey, nice spin on it. I want to validate, you know, the teachers have these concerns, and they're doing their due diligence, and they want to reach out. And I'm like, this is the fourth one that just he's having a bad day. So can we just see what happens tomorrow? And you know, rather than inundate a parent with all four. Yeah, and so one of the things I want for parents to realize is that, you know, they've got to take what's coming through to them with a grain of salt, too. Yeah, if you're getting this, it's not it's not a judgment. It's not a failure. It's saying here, we want you to have all the information. Yes. And then you can say, you know what, I get it, we're trying something new, we're trying a new organizational system, or it's been a rough week, or we were up late watching a movie. Yeah, you know, whatever it is, know that you have the information, we want to pass it on to you. And then you can parent how you parent, and you're going to learn how they learn. And there's still that element of this is the age and the time where they're supposed to fail and figure it out. And granted, this is a whole way of failing, right? But it's still something that we want for them to come out on the other side having learned from, right? Nothing, nothing in their life, nothing in their academic future is hinging on their seventh grade year. That's true. Absolutely. I would never want to to use the phrase, it doesn't matter, because I think it matters, right? It matters in your development of character and in strategy and being an advocate. But this is not make or break for your college admissions. This is not going on to your, your transcript. This is not your GPA. This is a time where you figure out your strengths, your weaknesses, what works for you, what doesn't, how to prioritize. And that's what I really think people are looking at differently during this time is really growing pains, right? Yeah, is figuring it out. Yeah, it is, it is definitely and when Maddie started McDuffie's, I did find that I'm like, wow, because I wasn't used to so many people being on top of, you know, everything. Well, you know, it's just different anyways. And I'm like, Oh, and so I felt like there was something that like, Oh, am I I'm doing wrong? And I'm not on top of it, his work. And now that I see how that works, it's, you know, not as, you know, I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Yeah, don't you don't internalize it, right? We need to figure out, you know, where where he might need more support, right? And then where, you know, he's got to figure this out. And that's, that's part of what this time is for. But if we don't share that information, right, then you don't know, you don't know that he was struggling and we needed to switch something up for really doesn't know that their their kid is missing this work. And they're telling them a different story, we want to say here's the information, right? Figure out, you know, what would plan what courses is warranted. Right. Right. Well, this has been very interesting. And there's quite a lot to, to explore with the children of this age group during the pandemic. And I really value all of your insight and help during this time. And I thank you for all that you do. You're amazing. And so this is a part of a series. So there's been a vase and mother interviews. And yeah, I'm, I'm just really amazed by all the teachers and what they're doing. And yeah, and Maddie and I have gotten closer with his work. And I learned a little bit about him and, and in his fears and anxiety around the school work and just around the social piece of it, too. Yeah, a lot. And then hopefully, you know, he's learning those things about himself too. And that's, that's something that we can take away and hope that people are going to come out more stronger, positive, that they're learning more about themselves and then what's working for them and then, you know, who to turn to when they need support. And hopefully that they're, they're reaching out for those because they're out there at least through McDuffie and what we're trying to offer. There's definitely places and people to talk to. Right. Absolutely. And so I'll put at the end of this interview. Some links and you had posted them and emails to all of the families of the middle school that you're the coordinator of. And so I'll get that out there too, because I thought it was really wonderful information that you, you shared. So that's important. All right. Well, I want to thank you again. And so this is the end of our show.