 Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay and Palm olive shave creams for a smoother more comfortable way to shave bring you our miss brooks starring Eve Arden comedy episode of our miss Brooks under the direction of Al Lewis Well in the daily life of our miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School Teaching itself only takes up a portion of her time This leaves a number of free hours each day to pursue an outside interest But it doesn't leave quite enough free hours Especially since my outside interest refuses to stand still long enough for me to drop a net over him In fact lately I've even considered taking up another outside activity besides mr. Boynton Like the one my landlady began recently Mrs. Davis was quite reticent about her hobby until last Wednesday morning at breakfast when she gave me a broad hint Notice anything different about the table this morning, Connie. Well the big cats upstain in front of my place is gone It's under your egg cup there Yes again. Oh, of course the big bowl of apples in the center. What a delicious display I'm glad you like it Connie. It's a hat Who designed it William tell No, I did you probably don't know this but years ago. I used to design hats like mad. Why you mad hat are you I? Never would have suspected you seem so normal in some other respects Well, I haven't had the yen in years But last week my brother Victor sent me some samples of the material his firm makes and you know my brother Victor, don't you? I've heard you speak of him quite often. He's a peculiar man Victor rather a slow-moving type of fellow But once he gets interested in something he follows right through the last couple of years He's been up to his ears in plastics. No wonder he's slow-moving But what has plastic got to do with your designing hats again, that's what they're made of I Bet you never even noticed that this is really two hats in one two in one Yes, we're in this way it looks like a bowl of apples, but when you turn it around like this, it's a sparrow Well what a novel idea if you're out with the man you like you tempt him with an apple And if your date is a drip he gets the bird I've got four of them all made up so far they should be easy to sell with mother's day coming this Sunday Well, I don't know Mrs. Davis. They're a bit unusual for popular consumption. I'm afraid Not if they're presented right Connie and that's where you come in I want you to help me sell them at school me If you sell all four of them are the debt deduct half of the back rent you owe me And it shouldn't be difficult to sell them. It isn't as if they were hard to move not if the wind is right Of course if I could reduce my debt to you that now that must be Walter Denton He's driving me down to school. Come on in Walter try to sell him one for his mother Connie I'll get into the kitchen and rustle up some goodies for Walter's inner man better get some for his outer man, too Early for me to twinkle Walter, but sit down you're gonna have a bit of breakfast with us, aren't you? Well, I might be persuaded to partake of a wee morsel if he coaxed me And if I don't coax you you couldn't be that cruel All right, then what'll it be French toast eggs griddle cake fine Walter's here vacuum the kitchen and bring in the bag He's the little giant that can eat it I don't know what's happening at home But my mother just doesn't seem to be making the breakfast she used to well, maybe she's just worn out Well, she does cook an awful lot of meals for us Of course, she does Walter and while we're on the subject how much thought have you given to her mother's day gift? Oh quite a bit and I've come up with something that should show her how grateful I am for all she's done for me I'm gonna get her a present that'll make her forget the many menial and arduous tasks She performs in my behalf. What's the present a bottle of sweet air for the kitchen The idea miss Brooks it smells I mean it smells very pleasant, of course, I'd like to get her something else too But on my allowance unless my dad chips in I couldn't afford much Walter I have a suggestion for a gift that your dad will be happy to chip in for just look at the center of this table Holy cow is it alive? Certainly not it happens to be a woman's hat a woman's hat joking nothing I'm wearing it to school this morning say that and make a wonderful Decoration for our dining room table at home a mother always likes to have something gay and colorful in the center of the table That's what I say it would make a wonderful decoration for your dining room table at home Wait up a minute miss Brooks. Who's that? It's me Tex Barton. Howdy, ma'am. Howdy, Tex You seem in a hurry ma'am why when I flagged you you was a barrel in across this campus like a doggy that just smelled a brandy knife Well, it's not that bad Although I do have to see mr. Conkin before class. Well, I Glory be to Sam Houston and hallelujah to Dave Dallas. What's up? Yes, Brooks. Have you any idea of the activity that's going on up there in the upper regions of your anatomy? What? Skinny for a lizard if there ain't a sparrow eating apples off in your skull Now calm down Tex. This is just a new style of hat a hat Well, you could have fooled me by the way mother's day is just around the corner Have you decided on the gift for your mother yet? I've been thinking a lot about that miss Brooks But it's kind of tough to figure out what it please mom. Maybe I can help you I doubt it ma'am for Christmas, Pa, and I got her some brand new riding boots and stirrups For her birthday. We got her first chaps in a steps and And for Easter we decked her out in a spanking new box of saddle soap So you see she's got just about everything a normal woman needs A normal woman who's competing in a rodeo you mean Look Tex a hat like the one I'm wearing would make a lovely gift, and it's only $10 It sure is flashy miss Brooks and Pa and I could afford that much But there's a couple of things that have to be done to it first for instance. Well, do you think you could make two holes in it? holes? Yeah, uh-huh So as her ears could come through So her ears could come through. Tex, your mother must have a very low forehead Well, I wouldn't give it to my mother miss Brooks. I'd just be getting it for my mother to give to Lucy. Lucy? She's our horse She sure will look beautiful in it. I'm sure she will Tex. You can pick up the hat of Mrs. Davis's today Today? When would be a good time ma'am? The same time you leave the $10 But daddy please be reasonable there isn't time for me to pick out your mother's day gift I didn't ask you into my office to argue Harriet I should think you'd want to see your mother receive a nice present I do daddy, and I'm getting her one with most of my allowance But your gift to her is something else again. She always expects something outstanding Obviously my dear she married me didn't she? Yes, but about other things. She's pretty particular Mind-selecting something for you, but you always insist that I find a bargain. There's nothing wrong with being frugal Harriet. It's a bit Come in Morning, Mr. Conklin. Hello Harriet. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hello, Miss Good grief something has alighted on your hair Don't stand there Harriet. Get a net. Maybe we can trap it for our nature study group It happens to be a hat mr. Conklin. It's very exciting miss Brooks Now if you'll excuse me daddy very well, but I'll talk to you later miss important. Bye miss Brooks Mr. Conklin knowing how fond of brevity you are. I'll come right to the point of my visit Some day his mother's day. How would you like to buy a hat like this for mrs. Conklin for mrs. Conklin? Yes, don't you think she deserves something like this? Well, she has been a source of great irritation on occasion No, no, I'm not interested miss Brooks if I can sell one of these hats It will help get me out of debt mr. Conklin besides. It's a real bargain. I'm sorry. I'm definitely not in Did you say a bargain miss Brooks? Yes, sir much cheaper than you can get it on the open market. Where did you get it? Let's just say I have access mr. Conklin These hats aren't hot Hottest thing in town Stolen no sir. They're not stolen Although you could call them a steal at ten dollars each ten dollars For a few apples and a small sparrow It's evident mr. Conklin that you haven't heard how meat and fruit have gone up But think of how exclusive this hat is for my wife, it would have to be miss Brooks She has an absolute fanatic Approach and on individualized apparel She wouldn't be caught dead in anything that even resembled what someone else was wearing mr. Conklin when it comes to this hat I give you my unqualified guarantee. You do absolutely believe me. She won't be caught dead in it Brush your teeth with cold Go get double cream and clean your breath water toothpaste I'll clean your teeth Colgate toothpaste in your breath water toothpaste while clean your teeth Colgate dental cream clean your breath while it cleans your teeth and the Colgate way Stops tooth decay best yes The Colgate way is the most thoroughly proved and accepted home method of oral hygiene known today Over two years research showed brushing teeth right after eating with Colgate dental cream Help stop more decay for more people than ever before reported in dentifers history The Colgate way stop tooth decay best no other dentifers a morniated or not Offers such conclusive proof and you should know that Colgate's while not mentioned by name Was the only toothpaste used in the research on tooth decay recently reported in Reader's Digest So always follow the Colgate way to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and stop tooth decay best Brush your teeth with Colgate Go get double cream it cleans your breath water toothpaste And the Colgate way stops tooth decay best Well by the time I was to meet mr. Boynton at lunch I had sold three of the four hats Mrs. Davis had made up one to Walter Denton for his mother to be used as a Table centerpiece One to Tex Barton for his horse to be used as an eye shade and One to mr. Conklin for his wife to be used of all things as a hat I Had the sample hat on when mr. Boynton came over to our table. Hello, miss Brooks. Sorry. I'm late I couldn't get here any sooner. That's all right, mr. Boynton put down your tray Thank you notice anything different about me today different Let's see Well for heaven's sake I apologize for being late You ought to go to such length to chide me about it to chide you yes after all this is a public eating place You shouldn't balance your dessert on your head Mr. Boynton this happens to be a hat I'm sorry miss Brooks. I'm afraid I dropped my cutlery. You should be more careful That knife might have dented your meatloaf Oh, I'm sorry I frightened you so oh I I should be used to sites like this when I was a kid My mother always had some fantastic creations around the house really how many brothers and sisters did you have? Well, may I remind you mr. Boynton that mother's day will soon be with us. Well, so will my mother Yes, she's coming down this afternoon to stay through the weekend Unfortunately dad has to stay home on business, but mom and I are gonna have a high old time Have you made all of your plans for celebrating the holiday mr. Boynton? Yes, indeed Oh, it's it's gonna be one mad world for the both of us. I've got a four-day itinerary all mapped out Oh, what are you going to do? Well on Thursday? I thought I'd show mom the new wing of our public library Friday we'll do the Museum of Natural History and and Saturday we'll have a go at the botanical gardens Well, there's not going to be any let up in the evenings either if we're not playing chess or checkers I'll whip out the old dominoes said By the way, can you think of anything that might add to the merriment miss Brooks? Yes, but I think the morgue is closed on weekend And that is I do have a suggestion that might be quite a surprise for your mother. Oh, what is it? Why don't you get her a nice hat? You said yourself that she used to like unique hats. I'm sorry miss Brooks. I'm not interested. Oh, that's too bad Mr. Boynton, it's a real bargain. I'd like to get her something of course, but this is just out of Did you say a bargain? Never misses Where did you get the hat miss Brooks? The truth is I'm disposing of them for mrs. Davis. They're only $10 a piece $10 a piece. Get your jaw out of the potatoes and I'll make it I guess we could arrive at some sort of a deal miss Brooks, but there's one thing of which I must be certain What's that? Well that my mother doesn't see any other woman wearing a hat like it Moms are fanatic on individualized apparel. I'll sell her the very one. I'm modeling today. Mr. Boynton Bring her over to my place about 8 30 tonight and we'll surprise her with it All right, but you're sure now that she'll be the only woman to have this particular hat While she's in town your mother will be the only woman seen wearing this particular hat Good I'm gonna get myself some dessert now miss Brooks. Would you like me to bring something back for you? Yes, I would mr. Boynton. I'd like a coke the five cents size will do Very well That's all I want right now, mr. Boynton Okay Here I'll just be a minute miss Brooks Take your time sporty Somebody's got to teach him that money isn't everything especially my money Oh Hello, miss Brooks. I thought I'd find you here. May I speak with you for a moment? Oh, of course mr. Conklin Thank you. Thank you now about that hat. I agreed to buy for my wife I want it to be a complete surprise. She mustn't see it until Sunday. I'll say she mustn't I mean it It wouldn't be a surprise if she did now there's one important factor We overlooked in our discussion this morning miss Brooks. I neglected to give you my wife's measurement Well, I'll take them right now. How far apart are your wife's ears? Sorry, that was another customer What is her head size? Well, I don't know but I'll find out this afternoon and check with you at home this evening What would be a good time after midnight? Any time sir any time at all now you must have many more important things to do and I'll be happy to excuse you sir If you really have to dash away, I know how those things are I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do I don't know what these crazy things are. I've had things to do myself. I'm expecting someone I don't quite comprehend this conversational Saint Vitus dance you're enirement But if you're always this nervous during mealtime, it's one do you haven't gotten Elsa? Oh, I had an Elsa, Mr Con scrunch. And I had a nice big one Two years after I began teaching school you did. How did you get rid of it? I just couldn't afford to keep it I don't know what you're so jittery about Connie. Everything's gone swimmingly so far. Walter Denton picked up the hat for his mother during lunch period. I know Mrs. Davis. But Kate Spartan came over right after school to get the specially prepared one you phoned me about. Mike, goodness but his mother must have long ears. You won't see his mother's mane. I mean, those aren't the ones I'm jittery about. It's Mr. Conklin and Mr. Boynton. I promised them both that they were buying a completely original creation. Well, they are that, Connie. The fact that they're identical shouldn't bother you. After all, Mrs. Boynton will be leaving town right after Mother's Day. Yes, but Mr. Boynton's bringing her here tonight to pick it up and Mr. Conklin will want his wife's hat as soon as he gives me her measurement. But if he runs into Mrs. Boynton anywhere before Sunday... Now, now, calm down, dear, calm down. When do you expect the Boynton? Now! Now? Well, I'll go make some tea and you let them in. Mrs. Boynton's hat is right on the hall table, Connie. Thanks. Well, here we are, Miss Brutes. You remember my mother. I'll never forget her. Hello, Mrs. Boynton. Come in for a second. How are you, Connie? It's been ages since I've seen you. Oh, Mom couldn't wait to see your surprise, Miss Brutes. Oh, then I'll get it for her right away. Meanwhile, just help yourself to some fruit on this hall table. That is, as soon as the sparrow gets through helping himself. That is, here's your new hat. How do you like it? Well, it's certainly different. Oh, I knew you'd love it. Well, now that you've seen it, I don't want to keep you and Mr. Boynton another minute. You must have lots to talk over, so don't stand on ceremonies. Just have a ride along and I'll see you later in the week. Bye. Well, really, no great rush, Miss Brutes. As a matter of fact, Phillip suggested that we might spend the evening with you. Oops. I told Mom you'd jump at the idea. I thought we'd play a few games of checkers, Connie. I'll never forget how exciting it was the last time we played. There was one crowning after another. You ain't seen nothing yet. But I'm afraid I can't ask you to stay for checkers, Mrs. Boynton. Mrs. Davis has a splitting headache. But Miss Brooks, how could a game of checkers disturb Mrs. Davis? Please, Mr. Boynton, if you were lying down with a headache, how would you like to hear someone constantly jumping in the next room? Well, you'll just excuse me. That's the doorbell, isn't it? Maybe Miss Brooks has another engagement, Phillip. Perhaps we'd better be leaving. I wouldn't think of letting you budge from this house. Mr. Boynton, I insist that you take your mother into the living room and let her try on her checkerboard, a fruit bowl. Here, take it with you, dear. There's a wonderful mirror near the piano. Well, if you're sure. Never been sure. Go along, Mr. Boynton. Very well. It's right this way, Mother. Walter, what are you doing here? It's 12 hours until breakfast. Back, Miss Brooks. Aren't you going to ask me in? Not if I can help it. Well, I'll only be a minute. It's important. All right, but please hurry. What's the trouble, Walter? Well, I showed my dad this hat you sold us for a centerpiece, Miss Brooks. And he didn't like it? Well, he's crazy about it. But he wants a slight change made. He says if you'll wire it up so he can use it as a lamp, he'll give you an extra $3. If he'll make it $5, I'll put it in a motor and he can drive it to work. Please, Walter, would you... Get into the dining room immediately. Take the hat with you quick. Yeah, but, Mr... I'll explain later. Get going. Okay, but I wish I knew what was happening here. Good evening, Miss Brooks. Well, I've got my wife's head measurements on this sheet of paper. Thanks, Mr. Conflin. Good night. Just a moment, there are a few things I have to tell you. Yes, sir. Come in. I got these measurements from the milliner with whom my wife does quite a large business. Oh, pardon me, but... Mom would like a drink of water. Oh, hello, Mr. Conflin. Oh, hello, Walter. I'll get it myself if you'll just tell me... Oh, I didn't know someone was with you, Connie. Oh, there isn't. It's just Mr. Conflin. This is Mrs. Boynton, Mr. Conflin. How do you do, Miss? What is she doing with my wife's hat on her head? Your wife's hat, Mr. Conflin? Philip, you didn't buy me the same hat Mr. Conflin bought for his wife, did you? Oh, I didn't intend to, Mother. Miss Brooks, what seems to have happened? Shouldn't happen to a sparrow. Look, folks, there's been a slight mix-up, but I'm sure it'll come out all right by Mother's Day. After all, there are only two of you wearing the hat, and you won't be seen together any place. Well, that's true enough. You do have a point there. There's no error in that dining room, Miss Brooks. I... I didn't know you had company. Oh, this is Walter Denton, one of our pupil's mother. Walter, this is my mother. Glad to know you, Walter. Same here, Mrs. Boynton. I... say, what are you doing with my mother's centerpiece on your head? Your mother's centerpiece? Your mother's centerpiece, Denton? Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin. Yeah, my dad and I are going to have a change into a lamp before we give it to her, though. See, we'll put the wire right through here, and then we'll... So, Miss Brooks, my wife and Mrs. Boynton are the only two people with these original creations. I'd give a lot to know just who else is wearing these assembly-line specials. Is that? It sounded like a horse. That's just what it is, our milkman's horse. You see, the milkman is sick, so the horse is making the rounds alone. Oh, cream today, Lucy. She's very clever. He must be, to ring the doorbell by herself. Miss Brooks opened the door. Yes, sir. Howdy, Miss Brooks. Lucy and I were just a lopin' by, and thought I'd show you how nice she looks in her new bonny. But, Tex, you shouldn't have brought her right up to the front door like this. What is going on here? Why is this beast sticking her head? Oh, God! They got the same hat she sold me for Lucy, Miss Brooks? Yes, Tex, but it... If I'd have known that, I'd have never bought it. Lucy's a fanatic on individualized apparel, I know. Miss Brooks, just what do you propose to do about these hats? I'm going to take them out to our backyard and put them up in a tree. A tree? Yes, these hats are strictly for the bird. Now, the case of the close scrape featuring Arthur Griffin male carrier. Here's what Mr. Griffin told us. Listen, here's exactly what happened. Shaving was just one close scrape after another for me, and then I discovered palm olive lather shave cream and a new different way to shave. Palm olive's oceans of rich thick lather ended my worries about scrapes, burns, and nicks. Why, even in cold or hard water, that palm olive lather way is super smooth, super comfortable. Take Arthur Griffin's advice, men. The new palm olive lather way gets beards really soft, and it provides a protective film that actually floats your razor's cutting edge. You get a clean, close shave every time without worry about scraping or nicking, even in cold or hard water. 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This is Burmese Brooksville, brought to you by Palm Olive Shave Cream, your smoother, more comfortable way to shave, and cold-gain palm olive cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written by Al Lewis and Arthur Aldsburg with the music of Wilbur Hatch. For this, with Marvellous Vell V-E-L, you can save 90% of dish washing work. A quick soak in Vell's suds gets dishes and glassware shiny clean, even if a bit of food should cling. A touch with a dishcloth gets rid of it fast. Yes, Vells activated suds, lift off and carry away food and grease. So all dishes need is a quick rinse and they dry sparkling without washing or wiping. All pots and pans need is a soaking with Vell's suds. Then you can wash them shiny clean without hard scouring. What's more, Vell is a miracle of mildness. So get new Vell. Save 90% of dish washing work. Our Miss Brooks came to you transcribed.