 Good health to all from Rexall! Harris Alice Fay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family druggists. Good evening, this is your Rexall family druggist with a welcome from all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent druggists who have added the word Rexall to our own store names and placed the famous orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows. We've done that because we believe in the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company and we confidently recommend them to our customers. One of the newest of these products is Rexall's ammoniated tooth powder compounded according to the official University of Illinois formula yet priced no higher than ordinary tooth powder. Quality like this is what we family druggists are talking about when we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall! And now your Rexall family druggist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos and Whitfield, Walter Sharpe in his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. For the past few weeks Phil has been feeling nervous, restless and irritable. Alice is a little worried and she's insisted that he go to his doctor for a checkup. Phil has taken Frankie along for moral support. And as we look in the doctor is just finishing his examination. Well there's nothing wrong with you organically Mr. Harris. Your nervousness must be caused by some outside influence. Tell me, do you drink 8 glasses of water every day? No, no I mean do you partake of alcoholic beverages? Gee, when you put it so delicately it's a pleasure to say yes. And how much do you drink? Oh I take an occasional glass, I say an occasional glass. Once in a while doctor I engage in a little less and social nipping. I just take a little for special occasions like holidays and birthdays. Mondays, Tuesdays. Another thing Mr. Harris, do you lead a regular life? Oh sure, I eat well and I get plenty of sleep. What time do you get to bed? Well I'm always in bed by 10 or 11, noon at the latest. Doc, I can't understand why I don't feel good. Perhaps there's something in your work that's preying on your mind. What do you do for a living? What do I do for... Oh Doc, you better put the stopper back in that ether bottle. You understand it's too close to the stop, Doc, your little... What do I do for a... New doctor, huh? Doctor, I happen to be Phil Harris. I have my own radio program every Sunday. Do you listen to it? Yes, I've heard it. But what do you do for a living? Well that's it, I'm on the radio once a week for Raxall. That's what I do for a living. Oh, you must be kidding. Kidding, what's kidding? Kidding, kidding, I come up here paying 25 dollars a visit. There's no time for kidding. Kidding, kidding. I work like a dog for a half hour every week and he says, what are you doing? You must be kidding. Half hour, huh? Well obviously you have too much time on your hands. Now I suggest you do a little work. A little manual labor. Something to keep your hands and your mind busy. Build something. Yeah. Yeah, you've got something there, Doc. Hey, thanks, Doc, so long. So long, Tyler. So long. Come on, Remli. Yeah. Hey, you know something, really? That doctor's all right. He's absolutely right. I should create something. You know, I always had a desire to build. That's what's wrong with me. I'm a frustrated engineer. You know something? I want to create something with my brain and then see it take form with my hands. I know if I put my mind to it, I could accomplish a tremendous engineering project. But what? What? How about filling in the Grand Canyon? Or you could straighten out the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Well, along those lines, but that ain't it. I want to create something new, something that'll be useful. They don't have a bridge between New York and Europe. Remli, a bridge to Europe. What kind of a bridge? Suspension or draw? Draw. Oh, let's make it stud. Remli, on second thought, I'm not ready for anything that big yet. Look, come on over to my house and maybe we'll think of something smaller, huh? Come on. Oh, I'm worried. Philip's been so grouchy and irritable lately. I hope the doctor doesn't find anything serious. Alice, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think there's anything wrong with Philip. Physically. What do you mean? I never wanted to bring this up before, sis, but do you think Philip is all there? What are you getting at? Frankly, I don't think he has all his marbles. Really, that's a very nasty thing to say. Oh, sis, let's face it. He's never been overly smart, but recently I've noticed a change for the worse. He's been getting more stupid than ever. That's not so. There hasn't been any change in my Phil. Oh, Alice, he wasn't that stupid when he married you. He was too. Really, I meant that... Well, he's been so nervous lately. Daddy? Mommy, has daddy come home yet? No, children, he's still at the doctor's. He's trying to find out why he's so nervous. We know why he's nervous. He's a genius, and he's temperamental, and he's got a lot on his mind. You don't understand him, Mommy. You should let him go out with the boys more often, and he should have more liberty, and he should be... He should be... What else did he tell us to say, Alice? Alice, what else did he tell you to say? He said if you raise his allowance, he'd be a lot easier to get along with. Oh, children, daddy doesn't mean those things. He just says them to be funny. Cornpone is quite a clip. He thinks of the donnest things to tell the children. Alice, I'm home. Where are you, honey? Oh, hello, dear. Hello, Frankie. Hi, Alice. What did the doctor say, Phil? I'm in great shape. There's nothing wrong with me. All I need is something to occupy my spare time, and I know just what I'm going to do. I'm going to become an engineer. A what? An engineer. I am J-U-N-E-A-I. I'm not an engineer, dear. Civil, mechanical, aeronautical, or choo-choo. I've made up my mind, yet I may dabble with a little of each. Oh, Phil, I never heard of anything so ridiculous. Where did you ever get such a crazy idea? Go ahead. Go ahead. Laugh at me. Laugh it up. People are always laughing at genius. They laughed at Edison. They thought he was crazy. They thought Fulton was crazy. They thought Marconi was crazy. They even thought Sam Fromkes was crazy. Yeah, they even thought... Who was Sam Fromkes? My uncle. He was crazy. Maybe there's something around the house that I could build. You know, something that we need, something useful, like an indoor swimming pool, or maybe an elevator in the entrance hall. How about a parachute jump in the backyard? Oh, please. Or a camel run in the attic. What's a camel run? I don't know, but my aunt used to have one. That's what drove my uncle crazy. Ms. Sugarna Fromkes, huh? If you want to do something useful around the house, I have something for you to do. Well, good, and I hope it's something worthy of my engineering talents. It is. I want you to change the bulb and the light over the garage. Change the bulb? Oh, Alice, you're asking me to do a child's job. I know. But with Frankie to help you, you might be able to handle it. Now, just change the bulb and have it done by the time I get back from the market. I'll see you later. I have it done by the time I get back from the market. How do you like that? She's asking a great engineer like me to change the bulb. Yeah. You, the greatest stud bridge builder in the world. Well, let's go out in the garage and change the bulb. It might lead to something bigger. All right, but first let's make sure the bulb needs changing. I'll stay here and turn the switch on. You go out to the garage to see if it lights. No, no, we can't do it that way. We got to go out to the garage to turn it on and off. Why don't you have a switch put in the house? Oh, I don't know. Alice was supposed to call the electrician and have one put in, but... Gee, naturally. And I'll help you. Hey, you know anything about wiring? I know as much as you do. Then we're in business. All we have to do is to put a switch in the wall here, run some wires to the garage, and we're in. Sure. Hand me that hammer. I'll knock a hole in the wall and make a place for the switch. Okay, here. Now look, in the meantime, I'm going to go down the cellar and get some wire. Oh, Remly, be sure you make that hole big enough so we can get our hands in to connect the wire. Please, I know what I'm doing. You take care of your end, because then I get the wire. Okay. Okay, I guess this will prove to Alice that I'm a pretty handy guy. She thinks I'm just a lousy musician. I'll show her that ain't the only thing I am. I'm a pretty famous guy. I got my picture on the cover of this month's Radio Mirror. I just made a new record for Victor called the Old Master Painter. And now let me see. Is there anything else I want to plug? Now let me see. What are we short on? Now we're loaded. I guess I can sing all right. Then did a rainbow for the rainy day. Dreamed of the murals on the blue summer skies. Painted the devil in my darling eyes. Captured the dreamer with a thousand thrills. The Old Master Painter from far away. Then came his masterpiece and when he was through, he smiled down from heaven and he gave. Good job on that wonderful day. The Old Master Painter from the hills far away. Far away he was. Painted the pilots and the daffodils. He put the purple in the twilight. Pended a rainbow for the end of the murals on the blue summer skies. Painted the devil in my darling eyes. Captured the dreamer with a thousand thrills. The Old Master Painter from the far away hills. Then came his masterpiece and when he was through, he smiled down from heaven and he gave. What a beautiful job on that wonderful day. The Old Master Painter from the hills far away. Far away. Far away. Hey Frankie, I got the wire. Look, have you got that hole big enough so we can... Frankie! Frankie, where are you? Look at the size of that. Remly, come out of that hole. Oh, you come on in. Give me a room for both of us. The idea of making this hole this big. I figured we might as well be comfortable as long as we're going to be working in here for a couple of weeks. What are you talking about, a couple of weeks? Let's face it, Curly. We don't know what we're doing. Maybe you don't know what you're doing, but I do. You do, huh? Well, look over here. I want to show you something, Steinmetz. Okay, I'll look. What was that last word you laid on me? Steinmetz. It's a man's name. I don't think that name's funny. It ain't half as funny as Clyde or Myrtle. I'm not trying to be funny. Then why are you making up names like Steinmetz? You better watch it, kid. You're getting pretty hokey. Curly, Steinmetz happens to be a famous scientist. I don't care who he is, he hasn't got a funny name. It does nothing to me. Of course, I'm concerned it's even a bad straight line. All right. I'm sorry I mentioned the name. I hate it. It's the worst name I ever heard. Oh, it's not that bad right now. It just don't happen to strike my fancy. Other people might howl. I want to do a show you something. Sam, see you play around with that. What do you want to show me? Look at this maze of wires in the wall here. Must be 50 of them. So, which ones do we connect to the garage? Which is which? What different which is which? Wires is wires. I like your scientific approach. Thank you. All I got to do is to take one length of this wire that I brought from the seller and attach it to the positive post off the switch box thusly. Then I take another length of wire and attach it to the negative post like so. And then when the two exposed ends of the wires are joined together, it will close the circuit and presto we have incandescent light. That finishes my end of the job. How do you know there's an electric current running through them wires? Well, all you got to do is to pick up them two exposed wires and then we'll be able to tell. Well, who's got to do? You. That's your end of the job. Oh, yeah. Well, pardon me while I slit my trouser leg and shave my head. What's that for? I want to be properly attired for my electrocution. I got news for you, Curly. I'm not holding any live wires. A guy can get fried that way. Well, maybe you're right. I guess this kind of dangerous. I see your point. I ain't got no right to ask anybody to hold two live wires because they might go. Well, if it ain't Julius, we got nothing to lose if he blows a fuse. Hey, come on in here, kid. Well, we're in there. Oh, never mind. We'll come out there. It's a termite, so I could gnaw a hole in that wooden head of yours. Very job. You want to step in and watch us? How could you say that? Heavens were a gruesome thought. Gruesome, but appealing. Ain't nobody going to miss them. No, we need them right now. Remember that next week. Hey, come on, Julius, we're not up to anything. We'll go in first and we'll show you. Okay, Altholias. The fire's in here. What are they all for? It's simple, kid. I'll explain. Now, these are telephone wires, these are intercommunication wires, and these are electric wires. What's this thick one? That's the gas wire. It carries the gas to the oven. I have a remarkable grasp of absolutely nothing. Never took a lesson, kid. It came by my knowledge naturally. I happen to have a mechanical brain. Well, the next time your mechanic waits on it, have a look. Hey, look, kid, as long as you're here, you can help us. Pick up that loose wire and hand it to me, will you? Which one is two of them here? Well, pick them both up. Look and hold one in each hand so you don't get them mixed up. You mean I... I knew I had the right wire. Look at old Julius Glow. They say a child brightens up a home. He doesn't stop getting lit at that tender age. He's starting to spark a little. Should I turn him off? No, let's not. This is better than working in the dark. The hooked nose, we can hang him over the water pipe and use him as a trouble light. We better disconnect him as filament is wearing thin. All right, I'll turn off the switch. If you can stop, now we turn you off. What are you talking like that for? Rather nervous, child. Everything excites him. He's a worrier. That kid, don't watch out. He's going to have a florescent ulcer before he's seven years old. Well, Remling, I guess I've proved that I know all about electricity. I don't think you could do it, Curly. As soon as we put the wires out to the garage, Alice will be able to turn the light on from here. Oh, no, that ain't all I'm going to do for her. I'm going to make her life easier by making everything in this house electric. Now, let's get to work and have it finished by the time she gets back. Okay, what are we going to do? We're going to put a switchboard in the kitchen, and then she'll be able to control everything in the house from here. The phonograph, the radio, the sprinkler system, the telephone, the garage light. And I'll even put a switch that will open and close the garage door. Now, look, Remling, you take these wires. Alice, you got here right at the right time. We just finished. Finished what? Phil, what are all these switches on the kitchen wall? It's to make life easy for you, honey. Yeah, you're going to love us for this, sweetheart. You've got switches for everything in the house. Phonograph, telephone, sprinkler. Everything, honey. Now, look, go ahead, push one. They're all marked. Hey, push this one. It'll turn on the light in the garage. Okay. Did it go on? No, it didn't. Must be something wrong. Wait a minute. It's starting to glow. Look, it's getting brighter. Yes, burning good now. James, we must have a short circuit. The garage is on fire. Don't get excited. I'll get it out. I'll push the sprinkler switch. Wrong distance. You pushed the sprinkler switch. What happened? I guess we had that switch marked wrong. I'll try this one. The ramps have a ball on the 45-yard line. Tell him to keep running. When he passes the firehouse, tell him to turn in the alarm. Don't touch that phone, Alice. We get in there. Out of my way and let me dial the operator. There's some rheumatism pills for the settlers in the hill. One thing we haven't been able to lick. Every time we dial the phone, we get new trains. Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. But first, here's your Rexall family druggist. Have you ever witnessed a race between life and death? Golly, that sounds serious. Well, ma'am, the race I'm talking about is serious because it's run to test the germ-killing power of Rexall's famous mouthwash MI-31. Just how is it done? A culture of the bacteria usually found in the mouth is thrown under carefully controlled laboratory conditions until it reaches an accepted standard of strength. Then a very tiny measurement of full strength MI-31 is pitted against this thriving rugged bacteria. I see. That's the beginning of the race. Yes, ma'am. And the end comes only seconds later. Because immediately afterward, the bacteria to which the MI-31 was added is given ideal conditions to hang on and thrive. If it doesn't grow, then Rexall's MI-31 has killed it on contact. And needless to say, full strength MI-31 must kill germs on contact or it isn't good enough to wear the Rexall label. You know, I'm beginning to understand more and more why you family druggist tell us. You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Well, ma'am, it's absolutely true. Good health to all from Rexall. Hey, Curly, I can't understand how we got all the wires crossed. None of these switches work like they're supposed to. Hey, here's one we haven't tried yet. This is the one that opens and closes the garage door. I'm gonna try it. You better not. Alice might not like it. She'll never know. She's upstairs taking a bath. You watch the garage door while I push the switch. Okay. Nothing happened yet. Keep pushing it. Quick! What's the matter, honey? It's time you have a headache. Remember Rexall aspirin. By laboratory tests, Rexall aspirin disintegrates faster than any other leading brand tested. This means that when swallowed with water, the five full grains of pure aspirin contained in every Rexall aspirin tablet are ready to go to work for you even before they reach your stomach. Ask for Rexall aspirin wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window. And remember, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Stay tuned for The Adventures of Sam Spade. It's next on NBC.