 The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike, At P-E-S-A-N-A-T-A-N-A-M-M-M-M-M-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L LUCKY STRIKE, Lucky Strike, and Lucky Strike alone, offers you important evidence, gathered in the tobacco country by the world famous Crosly Pole. This evidence reveals the smoking preference of auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen, the men who really know tobacco. Here's what the Crosley poll found. For their own personal smoking enjoyment, independent tobacco experts, again, name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. These experts know their business. Their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike, we believe has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for luckies and to the real, deep-down smoking enjoyment you may expect from fine tobacco. And when these veteran tobacco experts name Lucky Strike First Choice for their own personal smoking enjoyment, then you know. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. So smoke the smoke, tobacco experts, smoke Lucky Strike, remember. Independent tobacco experts, again, name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. Again from Palm Springs, California, the Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Rod Chester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, for two consecutive weeks, we have lost part of our show. Last week, we not only lost the ending, but also the beginning. However, we still have the pickle in the middle and here he is, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking. And Don, you don't have to make jokes about what happened. You know, radios are bread and butter. You know, if I lose my job, you lose your stomach. It's a very serious thing. We lost the finish of the show two weeks ago. Lost the finish again last week. Well, if you're running along this week, Fred Allen said he'd be very happy to give you time on his program. Fred offered to give me time to finish my program? Yeah, he said he'd do anything to hear the end of Benny. Oh, well, he's so homely, he has to be clever. Jack, why do you always keep saying that? After all, Fred isn't so ugly. He isn't, eh? Allen makes the hunchback of Notre Dame look like the man of distinction. And he's not only homely, Don. He's so cheap. Oh, wait a minute, Jack. Don't say that Allen is cheap. He's a good sport and you know it. Oh, he is, eh? Remember the time we were in New York and you and I had lunch with him? Yeah. Well, who picked up the chat? I did. You're darn right. Allen just sat there, didn't move a muscle. Say, so he's got a lot of nerve making jokes about my being cut off the air. It's a very serious thing. I don't think it's so serious, Mr. Benny. What? My mother was listening to the radio show Sunday and she didn't even know that you lost the end of the program. Your mother? That's peculiar. No, it isn't. When I get through singing, she shuts it off anyway. Oh, she does, eh? Well, I got a good mind to move your song down near the end so she'll have to listen to my whole program. That'll teach her. You said it. Jack, I don't know why you're making such a fuss. So you lost the tail end of your program. Does it make any difference? Does it make any difference? Mary, we were doing a sketch. People were interested. Now they'll never know what happened. I know just what you mean, Mr. Benny. I was listening to a daytime program the other day and the announcer said, tune in tomorrow and hear another chapter of John's Other. And then the radio went off. Now people will never know what John has that he has another of. They'll never know. I've been racking my brains all day. It could be John's Other House or John's Other Bicycle. Dennis. Maybe it's John's Other Head. Dennis, forget it. Well, you're not only taking up time. I don't want to be cut off the air again. Well, I don't blame you, Jack. You know, last week Edgar Bergen lost his whole program. Right. Bergen lost his whole program? Yeah, and his sponsors were so upset that Chase and Sanborn started drinking Sanka. No kidding. Oh, Mary, what did you say they were drinking? Sanka. You're welcome. Mary, there's an accord in the country that will convict you. Now let's get on with the program. Maybe it was John's Other Toothbrush. Quiet. You know, Mary, I just thought of something. You know, maybe my programs have been cut off the air because I'm too easy going. I'm going to step in the control room and talk to Mr. Foster, the engineer. I'll tell him a thing or two. Now, Jack, control yourself. If you feel that you're losing your temper, count up to $10. I will, I will. Oh, Mr. Foster, I'd like to talk to you a minute about why I was cut off the air last week. OK, Mr. Benny, but watch those there wires there, please. You do have a lot of wires in there, don't you? Well, each wire is put in here for a definite purpose. Now, on this wire, we have the transformer. On this wire, we have the oscillator. And on this wire, we have the transmitter. I see. Well, what are those things on that wire up there? Clothespins. I just washed my socks. Mr. Foster, I'm here on business. Now, what's the idea of trying to be so funny? I've got the wires open and my wife is listening in. What? Hello, Telly. Put your mother back in the garage. I'm sleeping home tonight. Everybody has to be a comedian. Oh, well, I know what I'll do. I'll call Niles Trammel, the president of NBC. Mary, give me that phone, will you? He are. Maybe it was John's other yo-yo. Oh, quiet. I'm trying to use the phone. Hello, operator. Get me the National Yo-Yo Company. I mean, the National Broadcasting Company in Hollywood. Yes, I'll wait. Na-da-da-da-da-da-da. National Broadcasting Company? Yes. Yes, sir. I'll try to get him right away. Say, Mabel, it's Mr. Benny calling from Palm Springs. Gee, I wonder what Kiss of Death wants now. I cut him off the air last week, and, oh boy, is he mad. You know, he's got a terrible temper. He has? I'll say. One Sunday, Phil Harris didn't show up for rehearsal, and Mr. Benny got some mad. He blew his top. Really? It took us an hour to find it. Time that's the maddest Jack has been in all his 39 years. Do you really believe he's only 39? Well, I did until one time he took me to the museum. The museum? Yeah. We were looking at the skeleton of dinosaur, and Mr. Benny was the only one who knew the hip bone was in the wrong place. Gee, what a memory. But you know, I kind of envy him. He's been spending so much time lately in Palm Springs. Palm Springs? Where I face met Jack Benny. It was in a little place called La Hacienda Sal de la Vista de la Carmelita Crista. Sal de la Vista de la Carmelita Crista Spanish. For the season, it's only five months long, but don't worry. We charge you for 12. Operator, operator, operator. I'm sorry, Mr. Benny, but Mr. Tramble doesn't answer. All right, I'll call him later. Niles Tramble isn't in. Come on, Dennis, let's have your song. OK. Hold it. Come in. Telegram for Jack Benny. I'll take it. Here's a tip for you, boy. Oh, goodie, a nickel. Now they can open the cove again. It'll be nice to people. Here, Mary, read the telegram. OK. Uh-oh. What's the matter? It says, if you don't return my Oscar within 48 hours, I will not only take legal steps, but I will drag your name through the mud and expose you to the public as a black guard, a phony, and an unmitigated fraud. Signed, Ronald Coleman. PS, Benita sends her love to Mary. Gee. Isn't that sweet? Yeah. You know, Mary, I'm really in the spot. I never should have borrowed that Oscar. What am I going to do? Well, why don't you tell him the truth, Jack? Yeah, why don't you tell Ronnie that you were held up and it was stolen? No, no, I can't. There must be something else I can do. I've got it. What? It's John's other cuspidore. Dennis, stop being silly. Now come on, let's have your song, John's other cuspidore. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. The things that big kids can think of. Power sung by Dennis Day. Very good, Dennis. And now, ladies and gentlemen, because of what happened last Sunday, for our feature attraction tonight, we are going to present another chapter of last week's mystery melodrama entitled Murder at the Racquet Club. He asked her for a little wine so she gave him both barrels. In this new version, you will hear a new story, new characters, new jokes, and with luck and ending. Set the scene down. OK. Our scene opens at the Palm Springs police station. Captain O'Benney is sitting in his chair with his feet up in the air. Somebody stole his desk. Curtain, music. I'm down from my knees, sunny boy. You're already 23, sunny boy. I have no way of knowing only that you're growing. Oh, sunny boy. There's the phone, chief. Thank you, O'Day. That kid's a great detective. He knew it was a phone right away. I'll take it. Hello, Palm Springs police station and mud baths. We make you come clean. What's that, madam? You lost your cock or spaniel? Don't worry, we'll find him for you. What? Be sure to return the leash? Oh, your husband's on the other end. Have you a description? The one with the cold nose is your husband. All right, goodbye. We got the silliest request here of any police station. Here's the phone, chief. I knew it couldn't last. Come in. Morning, chief. Good morning, Sergeant O'Wilson. Hey, wait a minute. This place is for customers. Did you sneak in here and take a mud bath? Not me, chief. I haven't been near the mud baths. Don't lie to me. There's a gopher peeking out of your ear. Now look, a woman lost her dog, and I want you and O'Dave. Is that the phone? I think so. There's nobody at the door. Hello, Palm Springs police station and mud baths. Captain O'Bennie speaking. What's that? What? Gee, this is getting monotonous. Yes? OK, we'll be right over. What's up, chief? The well-known playboy, Kerry Carew, has been murdered. O'Wilson, get the police car. Yes, sir. We better take along the strong arm squad. O'Shanisee, O'Mallory, O'Flanery, O'Promise me. Are you ready, boys? Now come on, fellas. And I'm going to find the murderer of Kerry Carew or my naming. l-l-l-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l and a thief means a guy to back. Oh yes, sir. Hey! Police officers, before going out on a criminal investigation, first load your gun and then take one of our men. It could be. Come on, Sarge. Step on the gas. L-S-N-T, L-S-N-T, F-B Boone and Speedy, Rick's a quality, a product is essential to success. Hey! Okay, men, here we are. Are you sure this is the place, Chief? Certainly. See that sign there? Racket Club. $30 a day, European plan. $40 a day, American plan. $2 million a day, Marshall plan. Hmm. How can Herbert Marshall apport it? Let's go in, men. Open up! Open up as the police! Yes? I'm Captain O'Benney of the Palm Springs Police Department. I'm Charlie Ferrell, star of 7th Heaven. I know! I know! This is the second time in a week that a murder has been committed at the Racket Club. Why does it always happen here? Because people won't be found dead in any other place. You may not be a comedian, but you sure know how to plug that joint. Stop with the wisecracks. Who are some of the people that are staying here? Well, there's Latter Turner, Theron Power, Betty Grable, Gary Cooper, Irene Dunn and... Who? Irene Dunn. That's dead. Remember last week? Watch it. You promised us new jokes. That one slipped in. Now look, Mr. Ferrell, we're going in... Don't be so formal. You don't have to call me Mr. Ferrell. Okay, Charlie. No, no. That's too informal. What do you want me to call you? Star of 7th Heaven. Now we're going inside and investigate this murder. Come on, men. Follow me. Let us follow Captain Danny. He's got dough, but don't spend any. Let us follow Captain Danny for he is essential to our eating every day. Hey! Oh, here we are in the lobby, man. Mr. Ferrell, where's the body? We moved it out by the swimming pool. By the swimming pool? Well, just because he's dead is no reason why he shouldn't get a tan. Come on, man. We're going out in the swimming pool and see the body. Follow me. L.S.M.T. L.S.M.T. People at the racket club all know how much a suntan is essential to success. Hey! Here we are at the pool, man. Now let's find Carrie Carew's body. Hello, Chiefy. Hold it, man. I found a better one. What's your name, Miss? Well, last week I was Missy LaRue, but yesterday I married Carrie Carew and became Missy LaRue Carew. Missy LaRue Carew? That's kind of monotonous, isn't it? Not any more half hour ago somebody slew Carew and I'm back to LaRue. Good for you. Now, wait a minute. I think you're the one that did it. You've got a smoking gun in your hand. Oh, that doesn't mean anything. Why not? This gun's been smoking for nine out of 20 years. Now it has, eh? You ought to arrest the captain. That's her gun and Carrie Carew was shot with it. But I didn't do it. This morning I fell on my gun with bullets and left it in my room and out for a walk. A likely story. You mean to say that after putting bullets in it, you walked out and left the gun in the room all by itself? Yeah, it was lonely but loaded. Well, we'll go over and examine the body because... What's that? Another murder? No, what if the guest just got his bill? Now, Miss LaRue, I want to get all the details regarding the murder of your husband, Carrie Carew. He may have been poisoned before he was shot. What did he have for dinner? He had a filet mignon. A steak, eh? How was the steak cooked? It was well-did. You're not going to catch me. Now look, sister, I'm holding you for the murder because I don't... Hey, Chief! Chief! Yeah, what is it, O'Day? I was out searching the grounds. I saw a man walking along with a dog, so I questioned him. Did he have an alibi? No, a cocker spaniel. I had that line, but I wouldn't touch it. You keep out of this, Farrell. Now O'Day, tell me about this man you saw. Can you describe him? Yeah, he was dressed like a cowboy. Was he a real cowboy or a dude? That's did. Never in my life! Now look! Oh, Chief! Chief! What is it, Oh Wilson? I couldn't find the man or the dog, but here's the leash. The leash? I'm not a leash. I'm Frank Sinatra, and put me down. Sinatra, what are you doing here at the racket club? I thought you were staying at the El Irresado. I am. I was over here taking... I was over there taking a sun bath, and I guess it's windier than I thought. You nearly killed the whole... Well, I guess I blew that, huh? Now listen, Sinatra! Listen, Sinatra, what do you know about the murder of Keddy Kudu? Keddy Kuhu? Kudu. Well, I don't know anything about it. I'm just waiting around until another wind comes up. Well, Sinatra, everyone here at the club is under suspicion, so I'll have to hold you till we can find... Poor Frankie thinks he's going back to the El Irresado. That was a five o'clock breeze for banning. Oh, well, he can get off at Cabazon, take the local Zephyr back. Come on, man! Let's go in the lobby and start grilling the suspects. Follow me! L-O-S-M-E, L-O-S-M-E, everyone but Frank Sinatra is surrounded firm and very, very fully packed. Hey! Now there's a matter, fellas. There's a very suspicious-looking man over there. Hey, you! I don't move. I want to question you. What's your name? Sam Goldwin. Samuel Goldwin, yeah? Hey, wait a minute. Are you that famous, talented, colossal, inimitable genius of the motion picture industry? That's what it says on my driver's license. Never mind the wisecracks. This is murder. I know. I've been listening to it. I don't mean that. I don't mean that. Now tell me, Mr. Goldwin, what were you doing? What were you doing when the shot was fired? I was staying. I couldn't get off the air, I think. What were you doing when the shot was fired? I was standing here hating myself for not producing gold with the wind. Who was the star of seventh heaven, don't you? Certainly. It's marked on every guest's thou. Now, Mr. Goldwin, I'd like to talk to you alone. Would you mind stepping in the other room? Not at all. Now, Mr. Goldwin, I have a confession to make. I'm not really a police captain. I'm Jack Bennet. Well, then be reading. What? I'm not really a genius, I'm just colossal. Oh, good, good. Now, Mr. Goldwin, what I want to talk to you about is this. Look, as you probably know, I borrowed Ronald Coleman's Oscar and lost it, and I thought maybe you could lend me one. Now, you did win one last year for the best years of our lives, didn't you? I won nine. You won nine Oscars? Now I... Now that I think of it, I am a genius. Yes, yes. That picture also won the Academy Award in England, didn't it? Cheerio, yip-yip. Mr. Goldwin. Oh, and I thought that maybe, as a personal favor to me, you'd just lend me one of your Oscars. But Jack, did you win an Oscar for the home blows at midnight? No, but I was close. They hit me over the head with it. Now, Mr. Goldwin, please lend me one of your Oscars. When will you return it? When I'm done with it. That's dead. Now I'll never loan it to you. I thought you'd never get to that line, either. All right, then. If that's the case, I might as well finish our mystery. All right, man, line up the suspects. And I will find the murder of Kitty Canoe. Or my name ain't... What's that? Somebody threw a rock through the window. Hey, look, chief, there's a note on it. Give me that. Let me read it. I haven't had a line in the whole play. You're the body. Lie down. I said you're dead. Lie down. Darn this climate. Now, where's the note? That may be something important. It is important. It's from the national broadcasting company. What's that, chief? It says, talk faster. You'll be cut off the air again. P.S. Niles Tramble sends his love to Mary. Well, we better hurry up. Hey, you over there. You look suspicious. Now, what have you got to say about the murder and talk fast? I thought so. A full confession. All right, men. You know your duty. Get going. Mudbars, mudbars. Get your mudbars at the Palm Springs police station. Mudbars, mudbars. Ladies and gentlemen, the American Red Cross finds it necessary to continue its fundraising campaign to help our hospitalized veterans, to say nothing of its many other services to our communities. Please give generously to your local Red Cross chapter. It needs more money than ever before. Thank you. Jack, we'll be back in just a minute. First, here's Basil Riesdale. Independent tobacco experts, again, name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. The famous crossley poll has just completed an impartial survey in 11 southern tobacco states. This poll, taken among tobacco experts, reveals the smoking preference of the man who really know tobacco. Yes? For their own personal smoking enjoyment, independent tobacco experts, again, name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. These are the experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen, and we believe their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Lucky's. You've heard the poll results. Now, listen to what Mr. Charles Belvin, veteran tobacco buyer from Durham, North Carolina, recently said. Season after season, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by ripe, mild tobacco. I've smoked Lucky's 16 years. So for your own real, deep down smoking enjoyment, remember. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Ladies and gentlemen, be sure to hear the Phil Harris Alice Faye show on Sundays and a day in the life of Dennis Day on Wednesdays. Next Sunday, our guest star will be Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Grand Opera. I want to thank Samuel Goldwin for appearing here tonight through the courtesy of Samuel Goldwin. Frank Sinatra can be heard every Saturday night on the Lucky Strike hit parade and can be seen on the screen in that RKO picture, Miracle of the Bells. Charlie Ferrell, star of Seventh Heaven, can currently be seen behind the cash register at the racquet play. Incidentally, ladies and gentlemen, Seventh Heaven was produced by 19th Century Fox. And next week, next week we will be back in... Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bunny. Jack, the engineer wants you. Oh, oh, what is it, Mr. Foster? I've got terrible news for you. Oh my goodness, will we cut off the air again? No, they hurt every word. If it's not one thing, it's another. Good night, everybody. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.