 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the bizarre magic of Brian Blushdory. As much as I love doing, you know, weird freaky out kind of magic, the problem is that I usually work adult venues. Don't get me wrong, I love working for the grown-ups. You guys are the best. You're the smartest, hippest, funnest crowd I ever get to work, and I thank you guys for that. Nobody cares about this, right? But the downside is that I don't know what to do when people call for, like, birthday parties and kid shows. There we go. Now, I want the money, but it's like, you know, nobody wants some weirdo sticking nails in their eyes at little Johnny's birthday. They'll be freaking awesome. So I made this new routine. This is not my usual style. I'm going to try it on you guys. We're going to branch out here with any luck. This shouldn't be the routine that lets me cross over to the lucrative world of children's entertainment. I have a special friend. He lives inside his house. His name is Mr. Happy Pants. Mr. Happy Pants is awfully shy. Just maybe we could get him to come visit. First off, make him feel extra loved. On the count of three, I want all of you guys to say, Hi, Mr. Happy Pants. Just maybe we'll come visit. Ready? One, two, three. Good day, Mr. Happy Pants. For the 1,000 years I've ruled the world. You shall know the name of fear or their name shall be Mr. Happy Pants. Hello, Mr. Happy Pants. I would just say you're going to do some magic for the children. It is true. I shall summon forth my dark powers upon the state. So that you shall know the tune of evil. Are you guys cheering for evil? Is that really what just happened? It's because I'm sick. Are you going to do that all by yourself, Mr. Happy Pants? No. Oh, shit. No. It's because I'm sick. Mr. Happy Pants, we say volunteer in magic. I'm sure you mean volunteer. Bring me your sacrifice now. Mr. Happy Pants sees the volunteer. He likes girls. Let me get a grown-up girl. I don't want to traumatize anyone. Let's give her a huge round of applause as she comes up here on stage. It always freaks me out when girls actually want to meet Mr. Happy Pants. It didn't sound right. Let me just sound right there. That'll be your spot. Hi, I'm Brian. What's your name? Angela. Mr. Happy Pants, Angela is all yours. Angela. Look into the eyes of Mr. Happy Pants. You are powerless to business. Don't we all owe Mr. Happy Pants? No. It was Angela? Yes, Angela. Reach forward and touch the many tests of Mr. Happy Pants. Just feel this chest. Make sure there's no tricky apparatus in there. That's not exactly his chest you're going for down here. I'm sure he appreciates it. We're about to make a Mr. Very Happy Pants. It just makes my hand inside the pubper. It's not like a fake rubber hand. It means completely the way you're excited. Now, Angela, reach into the box. Remove the altar from the air. No, sir, I don't care. Just pull it down. Mr. Happy Pants needs you, Angela, to reach forward and point to the center of Mr. Happy Pants' chest, a place you can definitely feel flesh. I'll mark that spot right there. I want you to feel above, below, and all the way around that spot. Make sure you feel the flesh might fall all the way around. Take it back as well. Everything checks out. There we go. Now, Mr. Happy Pants, it's time for your big children's magic. They need help. Now, foolish mortals, you shall observe the incredible power of Mr. Happy Pants. People that just don't have the guts to feel flesh. Excellent. Now, Angela, raise your hands above your head. All you'll do is raise your hands above your head. Oh, the way you drop applause. For Angela, don't go away. You actually did such an amazing job. You get a very special gift. You did so well that you get the extremely rare, extremely limited edition, extremely sought after Mr. Happy Pants is watching you, too, sir. We're joining us now. So, people always ask, Craig, the idea for Mr. Happy Pants, and at first I said this vague notion of an evil puppet doing a kid's birthday party, which I thought was hilarious, and I said, jackass. So, I bought the puppet and the distorter, and I would, like, improv. I would make stuff up for my friends, and they all thought it was hilarious, but they were wrong. And this is a totally true story. The first time I ever performed it for an actual audience was at a magic contest. I don't know if you know this, but magicians had these giant contests where thousands of them tried to wizard each other. It's bad, really. So, I entered in the comedy category over me, and I look out at the audience, and it's 800 magicians, and they all look exactly the same. They're all exactly 73 years old. They're all out of shape. They're sporting the exact same creepy molestash. And before I could think about what I'm saying, Mr. Happy Pants, he goes, I'm gonna be burdened. It's not like, oh, Mr. Happy Pants, that's not appropriate, and you don't know if there happens to be a burden in the audience. I'm sorry. I thought this was a warranty convention. I, uh, I didn't win.