 Hi, good morning. Welcome back to help on Monday. This is why in the morning you have been watching the Y254 channel We're so glad that you guys are tuned in. Remember that this is a one show where we talk to you guys about various health issues body mind body and soul All combined and so today we're actually going to be focusing something to do with the mind because lately We've been doing a lot of body health talks And so Karibuni Sana if you want to talk to us on our social media handles Please feel free to do so. Remember social media handles are right down there at the bottom of the screen And you can put hashtag health on Monday and hashtag one in the morning Find me and join the school which actually or join which actually on other social media platforms I want to introduce a man who's been here before and he actually was here to talk about different mental health issues at that time we're talking about dyslexia and Autism but here today he's talking about low self-esteem. I'd like you guys to help me in welcoming Mr. Masharia Karibu Sana. Thank you. Yes. He's a psychologist. Yes Yes, so he knows exactly what he's doing and you're well-versed on these topics. Thank you We're glad to have you back. I'm going to be back at 254. Good to see you again. Okay. Yes. Good to see you too Yeah, all right. So today we decided we're going to be touching on something that is actually a Big concern in our society. Yes Both for men and women. Yes both young and old. It doesn't really matter something that we call low self-esteem Maybe you can start off by letting people know what Esteem is to start off with a low self-esteem. What is it generally in very simple terms? Now when we say and talk about low self-esteem, those are two words the low and the esteem. Yes Esteem is the value is the price tag someone has For himself or for herself. Yeah, so when we talk about low self-esteem Before even anybody knows you have that right condition or problem, right? It's an inner Feeling it's an inner voice that tells you the negative things in a very loud voice So basically low self-esteem is an inner Situation that now talks to you alone and then we see the results of your troubled mind Actually, low self-esteem has been classified by the World Health Organization as a mental condition. Oh, and it is an alarm even as we speak It's been classified as a mental condition by the World Health Organization WHO. Okay. Yes, so we are really Looking forward to awareness of this condition that is really increasingly damaging our Confidence and our lifestyle and I would want us to say that When someone has low self-esteem It a gradually destroys the brain Really the way you think the way you approach life and the normal day-to-day Activities are altered sometimes completely. Wow and sometimes to a level way by Getting back to yourself becomes Actually psychic you have to To be helped because you reach a place of nervous we break down and if it is a woman necessarily They graduate To something we even call bipolar bipolar. Yes. Wow. Yes. What is bipolar? Bipolar is a condition that mostly we call it a women condition because a women's because Men don't suffer from bipolar only women but of men who have bipolar disorder. Yes It is a spectrum But more so to women. Okay, man gets nervous we break down Okay, because they crush from inside but for a woman it becomes so hyper and They develop some other characteristics and you're really able to tell this is what is happening, right? I see yes, okay And so if not checked then I'm a low self-esteem can develop into another mental health This is called bipolar. Yes. Yes. Yes. I see. Yes And so now let's go back to the grassroots and kind of try to try it to Start from the bottom of everything. Yeah, when we're talking about low self-esteem Yeah, or esteem as you said they're two different words So the esteem is a value somebody has a price tag somebody has on themselves. Yes, and the low is Just the inner voice that tells you Something is wrong with either the way you talk with your hair. Yeah with your body structure shape Color and everything everything. Yes. Yeah, and so there's something telling you There's something wrong with your hair. There's something wrong with your skin There's something wrong with your body. There's something wrong with the way you talk Every show you wear and there is something wrong when you are dressed There's something wrong when you are jeans and you keep on checking what people are looking at you or behaving You keep on looking at your mirror You even carry a very big mirror sometimes you slide it and you check yourself. You don't really believe I'm glad you started there because I want us to talk about some of the symptoms Yeah, some of the symptoms in case there's a parent watching yes, yes What what what are some of the things they can look at is over to man's assasin the mirror? Yeah, what else are we talking about when it comes to a steam? Is it something to do with outside or could it also be done? Could it also affect somebody from the inside there now as I started saying earlier it is a Nina Feeling and a Nina voice telling you you either stupid so anytime you stand before people Wow, it tells you you feel you stupid and then in case someone joking retells you and do you know That was a stupid thing you said you now convict three Judge yourself so hustling and said and it's true And especially if it is said by someone in authority either your boss comes around and says today you You look stupid just a joke you internalize it and you keep it and you amplify it until tomorrow You're too sick to come to work. Wow. Just a simple statement. Yes crushes someone with rose of esteem If my self esteem is low is okay, it's not low and it's not very high if someone can send and tells me That was a stupid program. I would just laugh Exactly, I love it and say what okay stupid is it me or my church? I'm both of us or everything and I'll make a joke out of it Yeah, because when I do that I Neutralize the poison directed to my heart and that is the point that is the point What does that say about your esteem then? It's a healthy esteem. The head. It's a healthy esteem, but I'll tell you frankly It fluctuates from day to day activities if you had a busy day and you're tired You might feel low you might feel a burnout, but that does not necessarily rob me the value I have talked for example before I left home. I Took care of myself. I love myself. Yes. I treat myself Yes, I match my coats with my shoes. I can see sir. I look for a nice cologne I go to a nice kinozi. I take time to be pampered. I don't care how much I'll pay after that exactly from there I execute a direct link to my heart that now I am okay in case someone thinks I'm not okay Yeah, I don't care. Yes. All I know is I know I am okay. I'm good Now I'm good to go. So if you feel maybe because of your damaged service team and ego I will not take part in that. I will take care of myself and my inner feeling Excluding now confidence that will make me move in a better Judgmenting ways in my life. I understand and this is such a deep topic because it has so many areas So many areas and I like how we're going because we've talked about some of the symptoms Some of the things that we can pick up and see right but now we're talking about deeper things Yeah, such as somebody with low self-esteem like you just said right now a couple sentences ago Yes, when someone has low self-esteem, they also tend to how can I say? How should he judge themselves? How should he judge themselves and others and also very sensitive and I'll start off with an example of myself because I Love doing this. I and this is why I do health on Monday. Okay, because I'm here to show people that you know We're human we're humans. We've all gone through things. Yes The fact is some of us have overcome and we're here to help others Yes, that's the whole point of this. Yes, and so what happens is when I was a bit younger I did have a very very low self-esteem because for me people picked on me Conscending my skin Okay, and I was like, oh my gosh. What is it? I used to have a I had a condition I still do could called eczema and I'm completely proud about it and I'm open about it And I speak about it on the internet and I talked to other people about it But it put me down. Yeah, but the people who are putting me down for my skin condition Yeah, you'd realize you had a low self-esteem of their own. Yes. Yeah And so that's what I wanted to get to was that issue of I may look at it Me touch a cut to like you'll tell me and I'll laugh. Yes, and I'll leave it alone Yes, but then there's that issue where someone has that esteem and they feel like I'm going to have to justify myself and Come on in me me. Yeah, having that low self-esteem. I shall also make you suffer Yeah, and I've seen that in our young people, right? And that is what we call a bully Right, and this is what we're seeing in schools right now. Yes, and as an expert Yeah, these are kind of people that walk into your office. Yes, and I'd like to know is there a link between someone that has low self-esteem and a bully now Thank you. I want to say this when you have an issue with the law service team You create a void in your spirit and in your life, right and in your mind and it must be filled by something weird Yes It must be filled with something weird when you see someone bullying you You have no problem. Of course. It is their issue They're not able to handle themselves and internalize their issues So they become a bully to cover up the void that is in their brain in their mind And in what value they put in you because if I have my My my esteem Right, I will treat you like my sister. I'm not bully you exactly and even if I have to joke It will not be an extended joke to hurt you. It'll be something to make me and you Surviving this one. Yes. For example, I am a short man And I suffered from what we call short man's syndrome So anytime Yes, there is short term There is short man's syndrome. Wow. And when a short man stands, you think that he's being Rooked down by the tall people and I needed something to feel that That that those few inches with anger fury and fights I would pick anybody and I would start a fight with anyone Literally, I know I was suffering like he that I was very short and the Mussolini with a short man said And thank you for bringing that up because later on we're going to touch on We're going to touch on people who have destroyed this world and later on we found out they were mentally ill To the point where they wanted to destroy everybody for some reason. Yes, that is exactly what happens And something else when someone has a low service team as I said earlier They look for they usually have sharp appetites one for food to sex and Pornography yes to feel that void. Wow three dress and Sometimes you might wait for someone to change and they like change like ten times Sometimes they go they pick this dress. It's not nice. Oh people look at me. What about my bust? What about and some sometimes they'll even push up their their boobs to To fear up a certain void because they don't even accept their self themselves some even go as far as to get plastic surgery And you know, we look at we look at we look at one when you talk about plastic surgery It comes in two groups. Oh, we have corrective surgery. Yes, which is actually medical and that is fine And that is fine cosmetic surgery. We have now the cosmetic Where you go and add your grass or you have the the imprints. Yeah, and sometimes like they have they are they are their side effects Because some are actually being tried Some are not completely at par with your body and everything and I'm glad you brought this up because I want to talk a little bit about What are you the same today in media? So this is important Self-esteem because if this thing is not dealt with you. Oh, you have no idea how difficult your life is going to be There's a certain perspective. There's a certain way you look at life when you have a low self-esteem Believe me. Yeah, and now that now that you have grown out of it. I look at and I'll be like, oh my gosh Is that how I really used to look at life right madness? Yes So there's that does that need for us to change our children and let them know that When you have a healthy self-esteem you look at life in a healthy perspective, which brings me to the issue of Media what our kids watching stuff on TV for example celebrities and when I'm talking about plastic surgery in this sense I'm talking cosmetic surgery right now people like Kylie Jenner are everywhere. Yeah, these Kardashian ladies Yes, and you know right now it seems like they're so comfortable what they're doing that they're perfect to what they're doing Yes, but you know as a psychiatrist and I've heard psychiatrists look at them and say it's a low self-esteem because you have changed literally Everything about yourself because you didn't like yourself. Yes. Yes And so we have our children looking up to people with a low self-esteem. Yeah, and they start questioning themselves Right, how come I don't look like this. How come my body is not shaped like hers. Yes Why aren't my lips like that or why and you know, how come I don't have hips like those? Yes, and you find It just affects our children right they start running to those things. You said the weird things Yes, the maybe a food appetite or not eating at all. Yes, or maybe drinking too much or maybe just just Quality the pornography the quality dozens. Yes. That's what I'm talking about Yes, how can we deal with this issue? And what do you say when it comes to? Especially curbing our children into watching these people that are bringing their self-esteem down because even social media does it to them They've done so dreamy. These are all connected. I'll tell you something We are living in a world of Make it or break it right if I have made it I'll break the rest not to reach where I am so that I'll be top class Who's repeat that? We are living in a world of make it or break it. Yes, if I have made it maybe to the media I don't want anybody coming and giving me a competition, right or a healthy competition, right? I just want to remain there. Yeah, but now This is damaging even in our Generation the generation that is coming Right now what we are having in the media. I'm sorry to say it's the hype Most of these celebrities after their shows and their successful shows they cannot maintain the pressure So what they do they take drugs and they are frustrated They cannot maintain even their families in private. They cry in private. They are broken. Yeah, but they Present a very cosmetic life and lifestyle And most of them are not even able to sustain their hyped view. So they must take something Extra to sustain their lifestyle So when we look at them from this side, we are right. Oh my god. I just love that dress But now I cannot afford that dress. So what happens? It is did it hits me below the belt or sometimes it just gives me a Very nosistic kind of a why don't we talk about something close to home? Yeah, recently Not recently a few years ago. I think it has calmed down a little bit or it's a bit quiet There's a celebrity called Versa Dica. Yes who went and did the same thing to her body Yes, and everyone's looking at her like all right. I speak the truth on this show Yeah, but I'm looking at you like you went and changed everything. Yeah There's no way you can tell me you were happy with yourself. You are not that's why you changed everything Right, and so that tells me you were not healthy. You did not have a healthy esteem to begin with Okay, now our girls looking up to Versa Dica like madness Lightning the skin doing to dream Nini I really hurts my feelings and I don't know what we can do to come this let's talk about now things here at home things here at home Amazingly when I went to Dubai, I was amazed that most of the whites there. They want to be black Huh coming back home? All these black ladies here want to be white. Who said the white is The measure of beauty true who said being big Hip is is the way is the norm who said slim girls are not good, right? Where are we getting this hyped crazy? View that is so distorted and I have seen most of our lead is they will take even jig to breach they are they are They are skin. Yeah with the retro concern to their effects and age because as you grow The elasticity of your skin Rereaxis, so if you introduce something like cosmetic surgery on your skin The skin can extend even to a meter wrong or even a feed. Huh? Yes And You have not considered that today. I have done maybe I have let's talk about the breast imprint whereby we take the saline Capsule then it is It is inserted And sometimes it a breaks inside and you have to go back and get it removed cleaned and Refraised yeah, so what if you don't have maybe today you're employed and you're able to do that Then it breaks and you're not in a position to do that Honesty now that becomes a real struggle and that's why I'm saying most of these people cannot even sustain Yeah, their lives that's why they will pick on one man who can sustain and help their lifestyle And in case he that man goes down they will just move to the next available guy who is willing to To take a take up the job of sustaining your lifestyle Yeah, and that's why we have consistent to break ups right even with their Celebrities outside there and even here because maybe the ladies there in their lives cannot be sustained Their lifestyle have completely changed right and as I said when you have an issue with your idiot self You will create problems for yourself And you pull as others down as you go down and that is we are boring and life becomes very difficult for everybody Sometimes even our parents they will compare me with my brother You say he did very very mathematics. He did very very chemically whereas personally. I am not Blessed on that light. I am blessed on fashion and And on hands on skills. So when they compare me every time even in discussions, you're not like Mocha You're not like this one. Now that completely destroys my little self esteem that I'm trying to salvage right and we now want to talk about the When it comes to families and how it may affect them And then we'll finish off by talking about finally school Yeah, and how people gradually grow up and take all these habits to university and so on. Yes But right now let's take it to home. Yes at home. Yes, you were saying that people are parents can compare sibling Yes, you know, how come you're not like your brother? Yeah, your brother passes exams. Well, he is in everything We're gonna go fail. He took it. That's it. All right. Now coming from an authority like a father or a mother It has a spiritual implication and it also has the like this is my dad saying I'm stupid because I've not done that You accept it because it is coming from the person you trust most and that crushes you even the retro service team You're trying to build completely breaks now That is for the person with the row service team bang fulde to completely go down What happens down to the person you're being compared to the ego now goes high and it becomes a bully And he tells you my dad knows I do better on this not in comparison, but to put you down completely Right to switch off even this more frame. You're trying to find in life and you see we have sibling library and That is unhealthy from the parents from the teachers and from everyone who is in authority there when you direct and negative and criticism you now raise up kids with very self-broken Esteem yes, yes, I understand that and you know it's it's quite disheartening and I wish our parents could be you know Stop doing this stop comparing your children to each other. Yeah, your children will always have different strengths This one has this strength. Yes, your children can't all be good at maths and science. That's the one will excel in music Yes, and we'll become a celebrity and leave the one with science. Yes at a desk somewhere Yes, so please let's just try and you know Not sure whatever gift your child has don't compare them Yeah, if they're lacking in an area that you wish they had yes leave it alone Yes, and you focus on the area where they are. Yeah doing well even if it's a sport Am I right most of the time when the parents come to me or when the children come to me We usually do something called a SWAT analysis and we take your strength Fast and we make sure we deal with you from your perspective of strength Then we take the same person and Analyze your weakness Hey, and now I'll tell you you're very good as Anchor and now you can maybe do journals or watch more of other people who have excelled on the Rhine You get a few tips then we want to know what is your weakness? And then we will try to tell you how to suppress your weakness to maintain Your strength because the more we talk and work on your strength The better you become and the rest are we we suppress the weakness then now we take the opportunity How many opportunities do you have strength give you and how many threats now on the SWAT analysis that threaten? You are maintaining your strength, and then we start Eliminating what we call the stressors stressors for example. Yes, sir. You're very slim and beautiful. Thank you BMI is not compromised. Thank you. No, it's what do I mean? What do I mean that if you are five foot tall? There is a weight that you need to carry for your body so that you don't have a backache and then you don't stop and When you think your body is not good You now get into a class of maybe skipping meals To a point whereby you you have a condition called nervosa whereby you even try to induce vomit So that you maintain there the the the slim feet kind of and we're going to be talking eating disorders too Yes, yes. Yes. So now that is a disorder a culminating from your brain From the slow self-esteem There is a person you so and you thought this is the way to go But because you cannot fit on that frame you squeeze yourself so much Because now you think that is the model and then when you're already there it becomes a mirage a horizon You realize I'm very slim, but life has changed. Nobody wants a slim lady. They want the big lady So what you do you inject yourself with something crazy? Yes, and then you are another Siddika for that mother. Yes And now when you're ready at Siddika you realize now it has changed We need a different Aspect and you know what now the kind has become slim again Now the trend has the the goals keep on changing and shifting and more so with the hyping from the media All right, and now you cannot keep up With all these shifting goals Find yourself and print yourself where you're supposed to be and now work with yourself and move to want your Direction and don't care so much about the hyped life and be yourself by so doing you will be able even to help your Generation you know there will not be a threat to you and you'll be able even to understand the The our father's generation which never saw the dryers which never saw the The cosmetics which never know so the foundation and the pods. Yes, the best my mom could afford was clear tone and ambi And some wine that one with one or to me. I don't and he they may they should they will do that Yes, and they'll be okay, but today you don't even know what you really want There's too much is too much and you know in conclusion Yeah, because to quickly to quickly talk about how it affects People in adulthood and then I want you. Yeah, you started like you were saying a solution Yes, and now I want you to give a solution after you say what happens when it affects us in adulthood And then please give a solution. Yes for how our parents can work with our kids. Yeah to destroy this thing at the root, right? Yeah One for every person who is growing there You need to define your life. You need to find yourself One accept yourself For example, I am a man. I have made it in life But I have other men who have really made it better than me. I Will not be them Today as I stand here. I'm better than other men who look at me as a model, right? The others I look too Now around you this in life. We are all chasing or being chased by something Oh, and that's in life or being chased. Yes So if I'm going to chase like whatever other men have yeah, I will die trying because I'll never reach there Perfect, and if I run away from whatever other people are running away, then I'll not be a model So I need to stand up somewhere and say I'm not chasing other people's dreams and I'm going to wait until I serve my life with the purpose from one Have an inner I must find my inner voice To talk to me good things about myself positive positive This is what I wanted you to do positive Every guard positive whether someone is criticizing me. That is okay. That is their view. That is their distorted view But personally, I'm at peace with myself. I'm at peace with my yellow jacket. I mean I am you call it I'll give you a high-five. No, no, I mean I am okay Even when I walk and people are like, how are you? I am I'm happy. It's what I chose. You got your opinion. That's cool That is cool. And I love it and nobody would change that right and I need to reason to my inner voice more than I reason to muchache with her distorted kind of Perfect And that will make me at peace with myself And I'll not be running and proving myself to anybody. So what you're saying in conclusion is not to listen to outside voices Take care of your inner voice. Yes, and even if it means waking up And let's say you you're used to you're used to listening to or you're in your mind You have a lot of negative Talk and thoughts you can even look for things on the internet that will put the positivity in you actually I wouldn't advise anybody to go looking for things in the internet. Okay. I'm sorry. I will tell you something Okay, I will do what the military does Which is what the first thing in the morning when the military people wake up Whether it is raining or whether they have something that they need to take care of They first do something they make their bed Period Is a very simple thing But it aligns you with the day is the first success of your day make your bed Make your bed and when you are going out there Thank god that I've already made my bed That means I've already succeeded in the first thing in the morning. Then you have a positive mind That is why every policeman will polish their shoes and they'll make their bed before they even go to the armory and get their Work assigned and if even their Leaders know that they have not made their bed You are not going to work for that day because you failed in the first assignment of the day Do you know I can't leave my room without making my bed that is because I open the door I'll go back and make my bed that is because it is your first success Of the day without knowing and by the time you come back tired and frustrated You have a comfort you have already made your own bed So I'm like have you ever gone somewhere and you have not made your bed and you realize that Am I the one going to make my bed and sleep you didn't feel disturbed Why because you failed so before you even go to the bigger things in the internet start with yourself start by small Start by the smallest Success you can make start with your bed Then tidy up yourself Then face the world with all the confidence you can Listen to your inner voice. He can never lie to you And that will make you avoid all these unnecessary Role service team and even if someone decides to like shout at you because of your failures Accept them know that I am failing I'm not where I am. I want to go but I'm on my way And that will create and will give you the confidence you need for anything Wow, yes Thank you so much. You're welcome. Unfortunately. We have to Really, it's so unfortunate. No, we still have other days ahead. Yes 254 is still here. Why 254? Yes, we are still here, but unfortunately this particular segment has to be shut down so that we can give way to youth and politics We have had so much fun and it has been so interesting for me. I have learned so much And I hope you guys have also learned something by me sharing what I went through And don't worry. All these things you can overcome. You can always overcome And you can always pour positivity into the world. And thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you so much, Mr Sharif for making time to come through. You guys remember hashtag one in the morning hashtag help on monday We are on next monday again for another talk. Do not do not miss us too much. Thank you