 Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who is emotionally unavailable? If you've experienced this, I'm sure you have felt frustration, anger maybe, because you might be investing in someone who can't express their emotions. They can't go into deeper intimacy. And intimacy is into me, you see. I'm gonna say that again. Intimacy, into me, you see. So if this is something you want to experience in your relationship, let's dive deeper into this. So why are men emotionally constipated? Well, it's kind of ironic that women, and I'm talking about those of you that have been in a relationship with someone. So I'm gonna assume you've had physical intimacy with them. And now you're frustrated or complaining that there isn't emotional intimacy in your relationship. Okay? But what I find ironic is that you'll enter into a relationship with someone believing that there is emotional intimacy. So something must have occurred in the early stages for you to believe that there was some sort of connection. Now this occurs because many of you get seduced by lust or limerence, lust or limerence. And limerence is extreme infatuation. And lust is that desire to physically be with someone, to have sex with someone, okay? So when a man is in this state of being, we call this the hunt. And many of you say, well, men love the hunt and men love the chase. Well, what is it that we're hunting and chasing? Is it that we're walking around going, I want a relationship, I want a relationship, I'm gonna go in with my bow and arrow and I'm going to nab myself a relationship. Is that what men are hunting? I don't think so. Ladies, what is it the one thing a man is thinking about on a first date? You know the answer. Write it down, say it, it's sex. Men hunt for sex. They don't necessarily hunt for a relationship. Well, now that's not true. There are a sub-segment of men that genuinely are on the path to relationship. And these are the men. I'm gonna talk about the three different types of men who are actively dating. Please forgive the brightness of this chart, but you can see the users, the spenders and the growers. And I say users are those who seek short-term gain. Those are the love bombers. Those are the players. Those are the gold diggers entitled women. Then there's the spenders. These seek companionship, connection and sex with no direction. Okay, and lastly, the grower and builders. They seek a long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up. They have relationship skills. That's roughly about 20% of the population. Most of you are experiencing the users and the spenders. And spenders want companionship. They want connection. They want sex, but they're not capable of going any deeper. Now, why does this happen? Because the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid. Maybe they've just experienced a divorce. Maybe they are going through some health issues. Maybe they've got issues in their professional life. Maybe they have issues with elderly parents. When I say issues, responsibilities. Makes it difficult for many men and women to explore a deeper relationship of trust. And I want you to think about this word trust for a moment. Isn't this is what this is all about? Emotional availability is, can I trust this person to care about my feelings, to care about my best interest as much as I care about my own? And many of you are in these relationships where you spend most of your time texting with one another, believing that there's this connection with one another. And oh my God, he expresses himself so much in text messages because he says things like, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Wow, he's talking to me. We must be communicating at an emotional level. Oh my gosh, the rhetoric I hear from so many of you out there makes me wonder, how many of you really understand what compatibility is? What commitment is? What character is? What communication is? What is even chemistry? That's because most of us have adopted the following. I call it my relationship iceberg, okay? You can see we focus, the top of the water line is attraction, chemistry. Okay, below the water line, shared values, blendable lifestyles and more importantly, emotional maturity. Which means that capacity to actually be vulnerable, to be authentic, to be transparent with your partner because the folks, let me say something. We hyper focus on attraction and many pay very little attention to compatibility. Shared values, that's an important part of a healthy, happy relationship. Lifestyles that can blend with one another. But Jonathan, I'm in the long distance relationship and we've spent the last six months texting one another and we've only seen each other once. Folks, that's not a relationship. That's a cyber relationship at best. And I can't believe how many of you have been communicating with someone for years whom you've never met and you've called this a relationship. Now folks, look it, I've got to address something, that particular elephant in the room. There's a picture of my sweetheart and I. This is actually one of our early dates, if you will. And we spent one year talking on the phone. Now, let me be clear about this. We weren't dating, we weren't in a relationship. We just were casual friends, which we met through a dating app and we just kept in touch with one another. I call her a social friend, if you will, the social acquaintance at the time before we physically met one another. I didn't consider that a relationship. Many of you are considering these communications as relationships and that's not the case. So I talked about blending lifestyles together and more importantly, emotional maturity. Now, if you want to shift the narrative because many of you are chasing men and what I mean by chasing men, you are putting all this effort in and even this belief, this fantasy you're in a relationship with someone. Now, some of you might even be having physical intimacy with one another and yet there's no real commitment to monogamy or exclusivity. Monogamy means you're not having sex with someone else. Exclusivity means you're not actively in the dating marketplace, which means taking down your dating profiles, which means not flirting with people on Instagram, not adding female friends on Instagram, more female friends, okay? By the way, I think Instagram has become the new form of porn for some men or maybe the new form of Playboy Magazine, if you will, because of the seductiveness of many women's Instagrams. They're trying to become influencers. Okay, but I just went on a side note. So I want to address something and then we'll get into some signs or some tips that you can use to shift the narrative because I want you to do this and said but I think it's important to recognize that the need for a relationship these days is no longer from a place of dependency. Most women are in a financial state in their life where they don't need men financially to support them. So you're no longer dependent. You're no longer dependent to his way of doing things. And if you wait for a man to lean into a relationship, you're gonna be waiting a very long time. So I want you to recognize that emotional intimacy, excuse me for a moment. By the way, this morning's coffee mug says, don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. Yes, I have a propensity to act that way. What it was about to say is emotional intimacy is a critical facet for a healthy happy relationship. If you're not familiar with the book Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend getting this book. And by the way, all the books I recommend are in the show notes below. So I highly recommend checking out this book because emotional intimacy is how the capacity to grow your relationship at an emotional level will actually keep this person in your life. Men are actually thirsty for emotional intimacy. They just don't know how to do it or how to get there. This is why I always say, ladies, I know you just wanna sit in your feminine energy and just wait for a man to lead. The fact is, is you are the emotional leaders of the relationship and we welcome it. By the way, ladies, men are trainable. We just don't know how to go out there and get it. But I will say this, the women who follow my channel, my clients who work with me, by the way, here's a link to get a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you and it's in the show notes as well. The women who work for me are telling me these amazing things. They take the workbooks, I give them and actually show it to the men that they're dating and they're checking off the boxes with the men very early on. They're asking the deeper questions very early on. They use my method of what I call radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and establishing the rules of engagement. The rules of engagement are really clear before the penis goes inside the vagina. Whether you read the book, Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, by the way, here's a copy of the book, or they establish that before there is sex, there is some agreement of, let me reframe that, before there's regular sex, okay? Sometimes this doesn't happen on the first time you have sex, but if you're gonna have regular sex together, then I highly recommend an agreement of monogamy and exclusivity. Remember, exclusivity means, are you going to actively be seeking to meet other women? Ask those questions. Now, is he gonna tell the truth? Most men are good guys. Most men are good guys. Yes, there are the users out there. Those are the people that will take advantage of you. But that's not all men. That's just a small percentage of men. Most men will agree, and if they don't agree, it tells you their capability of being a grower builder versus one of those are spenders. But Jonathan, all men say they wanna take it slow. They need time to get to know me. Folks, let him take all the time he needs. He doesn't get to have sex with you until he clearly wants some level of commitment and exploration of a relationship. And you better be clear on the word relationship. I have a relationship with the male man or male person, I should say, at my complex. I have a relationship with them. We say hi with one another. That's a relationship, okay? I have a relationship with friends. I have a relationship with social acquaintances. These are all different types of relationship, a romantic relationship. You might be thinking of it like this and he's thinking like this. And you know that space in between? That's called drama. That's called drama because you're trying to chase him. You're trying to convince him to be on your same page instead of having deeper conversations early on. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So I'm gonna give you some tips. I put some notes together, bom, bom, bom. Okay, here are some tips to tear down his emotional curtain. First is pay attention to body language, body language. Folks, do you realize that 80 to 90% of communication is non-verbal? But Jonathan, I don't get to see his body language because our relationship is via text messaging. Our relationship is over telephone call. Folks, let me be clear about something. If you can't physically meet someone early on, then you better do a FaceTime or Zoom call by the time you've had your third communication with him. If you cannot physically meet him quickly, then you better do a Zoom FaceTime WhatsApp call to physically see this person. And let me explain why. Many of you get catfished. And by the way, if you're watching this video and you get catfished in the future, you only have yourself to blame. I'm saying it to you now, I'm your big brother. Look, if I could be there for you on a first date, I would have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's head and saying, what's your intention with my little sister? Well, I want you to take that over for yourself. Be more proactive, be more intentional. Okay, body language. Guys show you how we feel, even if we don't say it out loud. This is why relationships must be in person, okay? Number two, how to bring out his emotional availability is express gratitude. Folks, one of the most powerful things you can do in relationship is to every day express three things you're grateful for with your partner. Just simply three things. What are three things you're grateful for? You know, I'm grateful for my sweetheart on so many different levels, but one of the things I'm grateful for is that she actually loves to get together for our morning coffee and we sit every morning and have our little pow wow, if you will. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that she wants to be with me. I'm grateful for that. And more importantly, I'm grateful for her kind heart. She really is a woman who is very kind. Oh, and I'm also grateful for her capacity to communicate as an emotional grownup if something's bothering her, she brings it up in a very non-compassionate way. Okay, so express gratitude with your partner, express three things and invite him to share three things as well. Yes, you're leading the process. Listen, if he gets to have regular sex with you, you get to establish the rules of engagement. Stop putting duct tape on your mouth or not speaking up. Ladies, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy. Okay, number three, do fun things together. Social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, do fun things together. Spend time with family and friends, do fun things together. This is how a man bonds with you. Men are more physical. They need what they don't bond over the telephone. Now, they might use you as their therapist over the telephone. Many of you get sucked into trauma bonding in the sense that your mutual traumas bond you together and it's all over the telephone and you feel this great connection with them and what happens when you meet and start to do fun things together, it blows up because you didn't build your real bond through doing fun things together, not doing things together, doing fun things together. Number four, talk about the things he cares about and not the downer stuff like his divorce or what's going on with his work. No, you have to talk about the good stuff. That's how he bonds with you. Invite him to talk about the wins in his wife. I call them whether they're tiny wins or big wins. And by the way, wins, W-I-N-S, okay? Make sure that you're mutually talking about your individual success stories each day. That gets him bonded with you. Number five, don't make assumptions. Texting all day is not a sign of emotional availability. Texting is not a sign of emotional availability. Texting is not a sign of emotional availability. Don't make this assumption. And lastly, and I could have come up, by the way, the book, Emotional Intimacy gives you a lot deeper ways to explore intimacy. Also, there's another great book I wanna recommend. I love this book by Barbara DeAngelo's How to Make Love All the Time. This gives you great tips for building deeper intimacy in your relationship. I highly recommend checking it out because the bottom line is this, lead by example, lead by being vulnerable, lead by being authentic, lead by being transparent. I don't mean you have to share secrets with them. You don't have to share deep dark secrets with them. But ultimately, if you're gonna, two people are gonna explore a relationship together, then it must be from a place of building intimacy. Or furthermore, no, let me reframe that. Building trust with one another through commitment. Commitment, again, is that agreement from monogamy and exclusivity, and more importantly, teamwork with one another. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, so this is my Saturday morning coffee with you all. I won't go all psycho roommate on you. Maybe I already have. This is time for questions. If you have a question, post a question in the chat box, write the word question out, post a question. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. It's my son who passed away almost five years ago and right now. Oh my gosh. And in his honor, I had started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hopman Process Insight Institute, just to name a few. It's interesting, I got, so if you have a question, post a question in the chat box. You know, I got a memory from Facebook and it was about, I sent it to my sweetheart this morning. And it was about how I wished my son was here to meet my beloved. I really wish he was here to meet her. This is a part of my life that she doesn't get to share with me. And that saddens me a little bit. So anyway, if you have a question, post the word question in the chat box and post it there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. So let's see what we've got in the chat box. By the way, if you need to, by the way, if you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. And again, all the links below to schedule a discovery call with me and good stuff there. So, Liz says, texting is not a sign of emotional ability. I love when you repeat gems like this, Jonathan, to get into our heads. Texting is not a sign of emotional maturity. Hey, this is one from our membership group. My midlife love membership. It's in the show notes there. And she writes question, what should I do if I want an ex back? Even though he's seeing someone else, we had an amazing connection. So, let me ask you a question. If you were in a relationship with a man and you're building something with him and his ex-girlfriend sent me this text message, how would you feel or ask me this question? How would you expect me to respond? Would you want me to help her break up your relationship? Let me just say this. If somebody is with someone else, it's an exercise in futility. Chasing someone who isn't available to you is paramount to the definition of insanity. I'm not to suggest that you're doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, but it really shows a lack of self-respect. Folks, when I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, self-help and spiritual work. When I wrote my book, it was really a journey of personal, I already said that, but a journey to self-respect. And I wanna really encourage you to respect yourself in this particular case because going after wanting somebody that is with somebody else is disrespecting her. Anyway, that's just my two cents on that. So thank you so much. All right, Kathy writes question. How do we start a conversation with our significant other when we are being breadcrumbs? Okay, folks, if you're not familiar with breadcrumming, it is simply just giving little bits. So little bits of breadcrumbs like very little communication. So I had a client who asked me a similar question and my invitation for her was to write the following message to him. Hey, Tim, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate our relationship and that I like you. However, my gut is telling me that you're pulling away and you're distant. Is my gut right? Is my gut right? Okay, now why would you, and then you could say, I hope you have a good day. Okay, you're inviting him to actually care about you. You're inviting him to care about you. If he answers honestly, yeah, your gut is right, but you might, he's gonna tell you that he's gonna use I'm really busy. That's the number one excuse men give when they're pulling back, they're ghosting, they're disappearing, they're breadcrumming. I'm just really busy with work. I've got a lot going on. You go, great, I get that. I'm just gonna let you know that I'm gonna put myself back out on the dating marketplace. And I'm gonna, for a man who wants to communicate with me on a regular basis, on a daily basis, and a man who wants to see me two, three days, two, three or four days and nights, days and or nights weekly, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married. I'm gonna go explore that. But Jonathan, this guy who's breadcrumming me is someone who lives 6,000 miles away. Look at these, you guys are nuts. I gotta tell you, some of you women are absolute batshit crazy. The stuff you put up with, and it just demonstrates a lack of individual self-respect. Anyway, that's my two cents anyway. All right, let's keep going here. My Facebook user says, or MedLifeLoveMastery member says, thanks, you're the best. I appreciate that. All right, Corny Cobrites. Hey, Corny, personal question. Do you think you've always been comfortable being a PC person or have you grown into this? I don't know what you mean by PC, politically correct, or using a personal computer or public, public, what? Anyway, Corny, can you identify that in another post and then I'll answer that. Okay, Alisa says, never hurt somebody else to obtain your own happiness. Yes, that's exactly it. Chasing somebody who's in a relationship with someone else is not nice. It's not actually, you know what? It actually show, and please forgive me because I don't wanna offend you, but I feel like that's a lack of character. When you want somebody back that's with someone else. And again, would you want the same to you? Okay, all right. Kathy writes, question, your book is arriving today. Can't wait to read it. Well, thank you, Kathy, I appreciate that. Charlie Brown says, question, why doesn't he wanna talk on the phone? You know, I can tell you there have been times in my relationship when she's been on a trip. And I feel like we've established so much trust with one another that talking on the phone gets a little exhausting. Now it's always nice to talk to someone you care about on the phone when they're driving somewhere to keep them company. But when I say it gets exhausting is I'm in a business where I talk on the phone all day. That could be one reason, okay? That he's in a business where he talks on the phone all day. The real reason though, why a lot of men don't wanna talk on the phone, it requires them to be present. And when you're text messaging, you can be watching TV or playing a game on your smartphone, requires being present. But more importantly, it requires being emotionally present, especially if you're sharing a story. So why do this? Because human beings weren't designed to communicate with their thumbs. They were only designed for quick communication. A lot of people prefer text messaging. And I'm gonna tell you something. Yeah, you can gain some insight into a person a little bit or build just a tiny little bit of connection, but it's not real bonding. Get on the telephone, get on FaceTime or have physical dates with one another. The most successful relationships I know of, the two people could regularly see each other over a period of three months. And then it was quite serious because they spent regular time together. Okay, Judy says question. Thank you for your response, trying to break up another relationship. Anyone who wants someone who's taken needs to stop. The right one won't be with someone else. Exactly. All right, Lillian writes question. Question, on dating apps, what is normal timeframe from when a guy likes you to when you should set up a first date? Okay, here's my rule of thumb. I call it the three, two, one, three. Okay, if you happen to live in a space of less than one hour drive from one another, a one hour drive from one another, then the three, two, one, three means maybe three email exchanges with each other or text exchanges should lead to one or two telephone calls. Sometimes the first phone call, just establishes a little bit of connection. The second phone call establishes the planning of a date. Okay, and that one date, so it's three email text exchanges, one or two telephone calls, one date all in a three week period of time. Many of you are dragging out like all this communication for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks. Listen, if you're doing that game, then do it with multiple men so you can get, you should try to get a date. Listen, you might wanna try to get one date a week on average while you're filtering, while you're screening, while you're vetting that. That's my methodology. Lillian, thank you so much. Question, Jan writes, how do we initiate conversation about our desires and wants in a relationship with sounding like we have unrealistic expectations? I love this question. So, Tim, I just want you to know something about myself and what I'm seeking. By the way, ladies, you can do this on the telephone before you meet them or on the first date. I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married. What are you seeking? You just ask them. Now, if he says, I want the same thing, great. I'm so glad we're on the same page. What have your past relationships look like for you in the early stages? Do some digging, do some uncovering. That's what laying your cards on the table is. If he boxed at the amount of time spending together, great, just to let you know, your penis doesn't get to go inside my vagina until we're boyfriend and girlfriend. And we're spending that kind of regular. Now, by the way, I'm being a little tongue in cheek here. Lay your cards on the table. In other words, that's the rules of engagement. And I don't become physically intimate with a man until we've built some level of trust. I don't become physically intimate with a man till we've built some level of trust. Trust isn't the same of familiarity. Familiarity might sound like this. You like sushi? Oh my God, me too. You like stand-up paddleboarding or pickleball? Oh my God, I play pickleball once a week with my buddies. You like the Rolling Stones? Oh my God, I've seen Mick Jagger in concert 10 times. We must have so much in common. I feel so much trust with you. Folks, that's not trust. That's not, that's just familiarity. That's not even compatibility. Trust is, can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as my own? That's trust. So coming back to your question. Jan, establish your rules of engagement. See how he responds and let him know for you physical intimacy happens when trust is built. 90% of men will bail on this. Those are the users and the spenders. The growers and builders, they're like, I wanna get to know you. Okay, Jan, thank you so much for that question. Sherry writes, I have this meme. I hate small talk, getting great responses from men. They like it, thank you. So I'm gonna show everyone this meme on my phone. It's in my favorites. Bear with me. Okay, I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms and death, alien, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night? Your insecurity and fears. I like people who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. How's your day going? All right, thanks so much for that, Sherry. Mary says, question, he won even FaceTime. Okay, he won't even FaceTime. Well, then guess what? You just say, just block him. Block him from, in other words, if someone won't get on for 10 seconds on a FaceTime, he's not serious. As Ariana Grande said, thank you next. All right, all right, question. What if the new guy I met in the future doesn't have the same music interest or other interest, but we have chemistry, should I still try? Okay, there's my sweetheart. We have kind of two different tastes when it comes to music. She loves Latin dance kind of music and Carlos Vibar, what's his name? Vivas. Vivas, Carlos Vivas. And I like Joe Jackson. One of my favorite songs is you can't get what you want until you know what you want. So we have different tastes in music, that's okay. You don't have to be, what matters most is we're aligned on our core values. It's interesting, Marie showed me a list of values that matter most to her. One of the things her core value was respect, responsibility. But more importantly, I think what one of her core values is she wants to be appreciated. She wants to be made a priority. In fact, we share these values with one another. That's what matters most. I mean, maybe we don't, I still got to learn how to salsa, okay? She knows how to and I don't. And we're planning on taking classes, but these are things we can either learn to appreciate with one another. You know, we don't have to be, it's rare that you're gonna meet someone who loves exactly the same things you love, but hopefully you share the same values and you love those values because it's a core value that you truly honor in your life. It's a great question, Wanda. Pyrus says, I don't respond to a guy who keeps texting me and doesn't make even first phone call, even after asking to give me a call. What should I expect from you when you can't even get to know me? Exactly, way to go, Priam. All right, oh, Mary Post writes question. He won't even face to me. He's an imposter, I care about him. Wait, he may be, I care about him. I've lost my self-respect. He lives in another state. I want you to know something. These days we are addicted to validation. I'm not, let me reframe that. We're addicted to connectivity. I think this happened especially after COVID. We're addicted to the need for connectivity. So I want you to think about electrical connectivity, electrical wires, it connects from one point to another and it needs a constant stream of electricity. Many of us have sucked into that instead of the constant stream of face-to-face connectivity. Listen, I'm attached to my partner because we spend face-to-face time together. If it were telephone, I would have just been done. I get exhausted being on the telephone. Yes, it's a great way to begin, it can help begin a relationship, but get together face-to-face because without it, it's gonna be hard to sustain it. Oh, Facebook, or my member said, just wanted to let you know, as soon as he told me he was seeing someone else, I left him alone. I'm not chasing, I just miss him. However, your post said, how do I get him back? So listen, when we miss someone else, that means they have our power. Okay, I want you to adopt a new mantra, I'm loving myself, I'm loving myself, I'm loving myself, I'm loving myself. Okay, honey, you says question. I can't forget this guy, it's messing my mind. I think I can't collect, I cannot connect to all men I'm dating now. Should I quit dating until I totally heal? It might be a good idea to, by the way, in the link below is a website called Naked Recovery Naked Divorce. Ask for Adele, it's in my links below in the show notes. She will help you get over that person. You can sign up for one of her small courses. It's, by the way, use my name, Jonathan Asley, she gives you $50 off to actually heal from that relationship. That's what I recommend for you. All right, question. Your thoughts on why couples swing if they have a great relationship? You know, this is just my thought. So I mean, this is by no means any validity to this. I think sexual variety for some people is a need, okay? And one partner may not be able to satisfy all those needs, okay? But I will say this, if you're going to engage in swinging, it has to be with absolute transparency. In fact, from what I understand in the swingers community, it's the men have to ask the women permission. It's all through the women. You know, the women have to give permission to connect with the men. They're the gatekeepers of sex. And I really respect that, that they are the gatekeepers of sex in this particular case. So that's just my two cents on it. It has to be done with full transparency. All right, let's see. Vanessa says question, or Venisa. I've been dating someone, but he says we're just friends. How can I get him to see me as more than a friend? You know, it's rare that when a woman, when a man puts a woman in the friend zone, it's incredibly rare that she'll ever get out of it, okay? When a woman puts a man in a friend zone, it's rare that he'll ever get out of it. However, women tend to fall in love between the ears. Men tend to fall in love through their pupils, okay? Now I don't mean just physically, but it is through that visual stimulation. If he's put you in the friend category, it's most likely that he doesn't feel that, by the way, men will have sex with anyone, but whom they actually wanna mate with is really predicated on how he feels with this person and visual aspects of it play a part in it, okay? But again, when a man puts a woman in the friend zone, it is rare that she'll ever get out of there, okay? Jonathan, can you please post that meme so we can share thank you? Hope you and Marie and family have a wonderful weekend. Dara, really quickly, just type in Google, I hate small talk, I hate small talk and you'll get that meme up there for you. Hey, I wanna thank Lee for the $4 and 40 set super sticker. I wonder what the 440 is, but thank you so much for that super sticker. Charlie Brown says, thank you for talking on the phone. Your answer about talking on the phone, you're very welcome. Corina says, oh my gosh, I love Joe Jackson. I saw him at a pub in New York City as a teen. I did salsa dancing too. Have a wide musical taste. I've seen Joe Jackson in concert five times. List says, Johnny and Marie on the salsa dancing floor sounds hot, hope you have fun learning the steps. I need to learn, she's got a great rhythm. I dig Marie on that. Zorinda says, I love myself, then I love myself more. Way to go. Corina says, I like a man that appreciates spiritual perspective, not the typical honcho who listens to politics in the morning and mostly eat hamburgers instead of stir fry. Text green game over, there you go. All right. Sandy says, I've been dating a guy I directly work with for four years. He told me all his past relationships were amicable. Found out he cheated on his previous spouse and past girlfriend, should I trust him? So you've been dating a guy for four years and you're just, well, you know what? Sandy, I'm curious what your definition of dating is because my guess is you are in what's known as a friends with benefits relationship. That's my guess, okay? I'm not saying it is, but that's my guess. So coming back to, what do you say? Oh, where did it go? Oh, I lost the post. I forgot or I can't find it. Oh, here we go. Should I trust him? Well, you know, again, I think you're probably in a friends with benefits relationship, my guess is. So should you trust him? Probably not, probably not. Listen, it's one thing if someone, okay. Sex addicts will chase sex all over the place or men who are non-committal. There are certain circumstances where men have been unfaithful to their spouse because their spouse and them hadn't had regular sex for a decade or so. Doesn't mean he's a cheater once, makes him always a cheater, okay? However, I will say this, if he has a pattern of it, and again, you're probably in a friends with benefits relationship, I would say you can't trust him. Hey, Jan just gave us a $4 Super Sticker and Mary just gave us this $4 Super Sticker, or excuse me, $2.99. Thank you so much. By the way, Tipsy, the closed caption will be turned on as soon as this video is over. These live streams, it's impossible for them to actually do it live, okay? All right, let's keep going, or for this system doesn't allow it, let's see. Do we have any questions? Oh, it was offering you a cup of coffee for you to have your Hoffman process. Again, I don't remember what PC meant, but thank you so much, I really appreciate it. Leaf is one of those sweet followers that joins most every video. I want to thank you so much for being a regular follower, Leaf. I want to give you your props there. By the way, if you want to become a regular follower, there's a join button to join my membership program. This gives you a special badge and also gives you privileges. Right next to the play button in this video, you can join my membership here on YouTube. Courtney Cobb says, question, what age do you think it's best for getting married? Do you think people can be too young? You know, I think, okay, great question. I want to lean into this. So there's a picture of my son Colin. He will be 27 next month, okay? By the way, ladies, if you have daughters, send them my way to my son Colin. Okay, so he'll kill me for saying that. Okay, now, when he turned 18 legally, he was an adult, okay? But I want you to think about it. The year before he wasn't adult, year before he was under our family. I mean, he had some adult, some responsibilities, but he wasn't adult at 18. At 19, he was a one-year-old adult. At 20, he was a two-year-old adult. I think men are probably not adult enough to be in a significant relationship until they become an 18-year-old adult. And I think women probably aren't fully developed emotionally until they've had a couple of experiences in their life. So I would say age 28, 29, or 30 years old. I think a good age gap is a man is 36 and a woman is 30 is a good gap or a good age range for them to fully mature into who they are as people. Now, this is just my opinion, but I'd certainly say when a man is over 30, he's gone out in the war. It used to be, like think about the movie Princess Bride. There was Wesley and Buttercup, okay? Wesley went out in the world to make his fortune to get life experience, okay? And then he becomes the dread pirate Roberts, okay? And Buttercup unfortunately got stuck with Prince Humperding. By the way, great movie, Princess Bride. I'm gonna have to talk my sweetheart in and I'd be watching it, okay? But he went out in the world to go make his fortune. The point is he went out in the world to develop emotional maturity. So 36 is the number I like to suggest. SW says closed caption will be available after the live sermon cannot be done during lives, exactly. All right, do we have any other questions? By the way, folks, I just wanna remind you to all the books I recommend, go to the link below. Jonathanasley.com book recommends. All right, let's see. All right, we've got a couple more questions here. Evelyn says, dating online two weeks now. I've been asking for calls now, taking your advice, these guys live in other states. How do I navigate? Well, I wanna just say this. How do you navigate? You do FaceTime communication. You establish what you're looking for in a relationship and you meet sooner, but most importantly, you have to determine if your lifestyles are compatible with one another. You have to determine if your lifestyles are compatible. Listen, when Marie reached out to me, oh my God, she chased me. No, she didn't chase me. She merely sent an email saying, hey, I came across your profile. I happen to have two children that live in Los Angeles. I grew up in Los Angeles, even though she was in Chicago. She had some reason for being here and she wanted to leave the cold winters of Chicago. We had these conversations about not, we didn't have really the deeper conversation until we met physically, but then we decided what would it take to build a relationship with one another based on how we would take the distance from long to short. So those are some questions I'd want to evaluate sooner rather than later with someone. Hey, I want to thank Lee for becoming a member. She joined, thank you so much. I became a member of your YouTube channel. I really appreciate it. All right, Mary writes question. What do you think about having a friend with benefits? Well, I'm a guy, I'm all for it. I think sometimes in our lives, having a friend, someone we can connect with that may not be a serious partner could be of value in people's lives. I think the hard part is you might, women tend to get attached to the man and the man doesn't get attached to the woman. That's where it can get tricky with one another. So I definitely would caution you on it from that perspective. If you can operate from a detached place, then you might want to consider it. Jennifer says, I know people who married for the first time in their 40s and older, I think choosing a life partner is a big decision and some people wait longer. Hey, one of my dear friends waited until he was 45 to get married. His wife is 10 years younger. They have two children now. And the children are, he's now in his, he's a baby boomer, late baby boomer. So he's got some, his children, like seven, eight, nine, something like that. But yeah, it happened later on in his life. He had a couple of significant relationships. Just because a man is 45, never married does not mean he won't get married. When a person meets the right person, when a person meets the right person, anything can happen. All right, Corny Cobbs says, thank you for answering my question for the other I meant politically correct. Have you always felt comfortable being a bit less politically correct? I actually, I'm certainly unconscious that we are in a toxic environment of cancel culture and I'm really despised by cancel culture. It just absolutely despises me. So to some degree, I consider myself vanilla. I am certainly what I call a contrarian. A contrarian doesn't follow the rules per se. We like to make our own path. So I don't see it about political correctness. I feel like I'm a contrarian, especially in the dating, mating and marketplace because everybody wants to sell you on some BS traditional way of looking at things. And I like to look at things. I like to look at the prism while I'm hanging upside down is maybe the way I like to see it. So thank you so much. You know, folks, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. My sweetheart and I are heading off to a wedding. I'm really exciting. It's two people that met on match.com three years ago. They got engaged last year and now we're heading off to the wedding. It's at a beautiful venue at a friend of ours house with overlooking the valley, overlooking the vineyards. And we're going to have a great time and I'm excited to take my sweetheart to spend time with my dear group of friends. So I want to thank you for joining me today. I hope you found value in this conversation. If you did, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts as always. If you did find value, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel, join my channel. Check out all the links below to schedule a discovery call with me, join my membership group, follow Adele's work at Naked Discovery. Just mentioned my name. I should give you a little discount. Do you train coaches to do what you do? I certainly would like to do that. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone. That Teddy Barrett pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love. I guess hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thank you, Corny Cobb for becoming a member. Thank you, Jennifer. Stay well. Tulipsi, Nancy, Cathy, Karina, SW1, Mary Post. Lee, big hugs to you. Evelyn, let's see. Angela, Dara, Sandy, Honey Hugh. Everyone, thank you so much. Have a bad day. Be well. Bye now.