 For the safety of your smile use pepsidon twice a day. See your dentist twice a year Lever Brothers Company presents the pepsidon show my friend Irma created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane Friendship friendship Just perfect friendship when other friendships have been forgot There's will still be hot Age of advanced science jet propulsion and atomic power Great minds are contemplating trips by rocket to the moon on such a trip They will first pass through the earth's atmosphere to the stratosphere Then through the low gravity belt into outer space, which is a complete vacuum and when they get there They will find wandering aimlessly around the brain of my friend Irma Now don't get me wrong as far as little Jane Stacy is concerned I couldn't find a sweeter more lovable person than Irma Peterson my roommate It's just that sometimes she says the queerest things for instance I happen to mention that Dean Atchison was made head of our State Department and Irma was quite upset. So I said Irma. Yes, Jane. Do you object to Atchison taking the job? No, but it's not fair to their other partners to peek and Santa Fe See what I mean problem this has been going on for weeks Irma Yes, Jane for the last time I insist you say yes, but I can't say yes But honey you're overdoing it and the time has come to but you know feel so sentimental about those things I cannot help it enough is enough now before I become a raving maniac I warn you to say yes. All right, Jane. You can throw out the Christmas tree Mrs. Santa Claus I Don't know what is with you that you refuse to stop celebrating holidays, but I like holidays Well, I know but there's a limit to how long you can celebrate each one. All right. I'll put the decorations away Jane what honey? You know, we're awfully lucky. What do you mean sweetie? Oh, I don't know It's just that we have such a nice warm apartment so cozy and so comforting to stand here by the window and see how the other half lives Honey, you're looking at the cemetery Nice feeling, you know Jane it's better to be up here looking down than to be down there looking up Well, you'll get no argument from me No, we're both so fortunate to have such a cheerful place to live in all the draperies and bric-a-brac and and that picture of Al Even he is smiling contentedly. That's only because he's facing the icebox But you know honey, I agree with you in cold weather like this. There's no place like home How cold is it right now Jane? Well, the paper says it'll be about 20 degrees Fahrenheit. No Jane I mean, how cold is it in this country? No Irma no Fahrenheit is a method of measuring temperature then of course there's centigrade Centigrade oh, those are those little bugs with all the legs Yes, and a centipede is a three-wheeled bicycle Honey, I don't see how you come in It's only me professor Krapatki. Oh Girls girls. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't take it any longer What's wrong is that room of mine when I sit in it? I feel like an anemic Eskimo who has lost his shirt in a poker game Professor must be terrible up there in this weather. Why don't you try burning the stove? Oh, I did I burned the stove I burned the table. I burned the bathtub. I burned everything that would burn and now I don't know what to do You see girls when a man is young He has a fire within him and he keeps going on all cylinders But I'm an old man and not only is my battery dead, but I've developed a knock in my motor Don't let yourself get so depressed that there must be something you can do Yes, I have plans. First of all, I want to kill Mrs. O'Reibers Professor that silly you'd get the electric chair exactly and when they throw the switch at least for a few seconds before I die I'll be born Please stop the nonsense. I'm sure there's something we can do. No my little darlings. You've tried enough There's only one thing left for me to do. I'm going to the old man's home. Oh Professor you can't go there. I got to go there. They'll never take me in the old ladies home Now wait a minute professor, I'm going to call Mrs. O'Reilly. It wouldn't do any good. I've called her everything Janey, will you please come up here? Wait until I put a chalk mark on this step. I hate to sweep the same step twice All right You shouldn't have called her Janey. She may be the last person I see before I go to the old man's home And I would like to remember women as something human Here she is Here I am girls. Oh, hello professor. Mrs. O'Reilly. It's bad enough You have to make me miserable by renting me a deep freeze for a room But that doesn't give you the right to have the power of life and death What are you talking about for weeks now? I have tried to do away with myself I tried gas but the stove don't work I tried to draw myself but the bathtub leaks and Hanging as I did the question the ceiling wouldn't stand the extra weight Professor you've got no right blaming me for everything. I do all I can about your room But after all I'm only the landlady the bank owns the property and every time I ask them for money to make Improvements when they turn me down They probably think it's your face you want to improve and that much money they ain't got Please professor. I'm sure Mrs. O'Reilly is doing everything. She can hey I've got an idea if you can hold out a little longer professor I'll go and speak to Richard and I'm sure with his influence the people at the bank will listen to him Oh, thank you, Jenny my darling, but hurry because I'm a desperate man and the thought of spending another sleepless night on that ice flow. I just can't stand those nightmares anymore. Well professor If you'll say the word, you know two can live cheaply as one My apartment could be our apartment Mrs. O'Reilly changing nightmares does not settle my problem Please try to get Richard to help me otherwise today. I got to go to the old man's home Meanwhile, I'll be upstairs waiting girls Goodbye Girls Did he mean that if we can't help him? Oh, no, we can't let that happen He's really such a fine man. Oh, I miss him so then why don't you go with him? The old man's home Irma, please be sensible. Mrs. O'Reilly you run along. We'll see what we can do Janey darling Do everything you can you don't know what it means to an old lady to have the companionship of a man When I walk past the other old maids, I feel so sporty Please try that I will rest assured. Oh, thank you girls. Goodbye Gosh, I feel so sorry for the professor. Well, I won't waste any time Irma I'm going to call Richard right now. Wait a minute Jane. I don't see why you have to call Richard What do you mean? I think we should get Al's advice. Oh, what could I'll do Richard has influence All right for stocks and bonds and high finance, but the professor's problem is different. He's miserable and disgusted Oh, what about it? Well when it comes to being miserable and disgusting no one can beat Al I know what you mean Irma, and that's why I'm going to let Richard handle this man Hello Jane. Hi here chicken. Hello Al honey chicken. You can start packing packing What for you and I are gonna be married and then we're going on a cruise around the world in our honeymoon Oh Jane, did you hear that? Oh, isn't it wonderful? Wonderful. It's incredible. When do you start Al? Just as soon as my latest deal comes through Another deal. What is it this time putting sawdust in little boxes and selling it for grated cheese? No, this is natural. It's a Saint Bernard who carries a jug of Alka Seltzer for men who've already been found by the other Saint Bernard Butte, I am going to get lost too Irma. I'm going to meet Richard at Sands. I'll see you later Chicken, what is she up to? Well, Professor Krippotkin can't stand his room any longer and Jane He's getting Richard to see what he can do about it. Richard. Richard. Why does it have to be Richard? What's the matter with me? I got connections. That's what I told Jane Yeah, why this is such a simple matter. We call it the fire department telling the professor's room is a trap Then they will force the bank to make the necessary repairs Get on the phone, chicken. I'll tell you what to say. All right, Al Well, gee, uh, what'll I tell him? Just say send a fireman to the professor's room as it is a firetrap And unless something is done, you won't be responsible. You got it? I think so Hello, if you send a fireman to trap me in the professor's room, I won't be responsible till something's done I'll take Hello fire inspector We wish to report that one of the rooms at 8224 West 73rd Street is a firetrap And I think you should put pressure on the bank to make the necessary repairs Yeah, just ask for professor Karpotkin's room. It's the only one on the top floor. Goodbye Well chicken, it's all set now. We just call up Jane and Richard at Sam's and tell him it's all fixed Oh, well, I'm so proud of you people think you're nothing, but they change our tune if they knew the real nothing like I do It as you said Richard is doing nothing about the professor. You don't have to Jane. It's all set wonderful What did you do? It don't matter. It's the results that count when I put my shoulder to the wheels They move with the speed of a fly and flutters It's only me again Karpotkin. Hi a professor. Did the inspector come? Yeah, he came well Are they going to get the bank to make repairs? No, they say it's beyond repair. They condemned it. Oh now I got no place to live Don't think that you are safe from film Run the tip of your tongue over your teeth if you feel a slippery coating You have film and you need pepsidon with a rium to remove it for film is worse than you think Film collect stains that make your teeth look dull, but remember pepsidon toothpaste removes film Makes your teeth look bright film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath true But pepsidon removes film makes your breath fresh and clean film glues acid to your teeth The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay That's right, but pepsidon toothpaste removes film and the acids it contains film never lets up It forms continually on your teeth. Yes, you have to fight film every day So brush your teeth twice a day with pepsidon toothpaste Because no other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidon's film removing formula No other toothpaste contains a rium or pepsidon's gentle polishing agent So start now to fight film with pepsidon's the toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film Really taken care of the professor's problem and now his room is no longer a problem to him Why because he no longer has a room? And the poor professor is sitting here the most pathetic picture you ever saw Whether he can't speak out of grief or whether it's because Irma just made a biscuit for him And he can't get his teeth apart Irma, what are you doing now? Well, the professor may still be hungry. I think I'll make him a Spanish omelette No Irma, please not that I made a spot Spanish omelette for you last week. Yes, I know and when I went to sleep I felt that Carmen was dancing on my stomach with spiked shoes Look professor, you don't have to be bitter just because things didn't work out. I'm not bitter at you and Irma Your heart's meant well. It's just that your heads got in the way Now if you'll excuse me up come in Professor, I've been looking for you now you look for me all these months when I've wanted something done to my room I couldn't find you Well, I'm sorry and if you like you can stay in my apartment for several days while I move in with me cousin Oh, no, I couldn't permit that why not I got nothing against your cousin Besides, I'm too old to keep moving around. Oh now professor, don't be giving yourself a complex You're not so old. Look at me. I feel just like a girl And when I walk down the street, I still have a spring in me step And I have walked behind you and believe me those springs need oily My mind is made up. I'm going over to the old man's home and see if they'll take you'll do nothing of the sort I'm going right out and meet Richard and tell him your problem and Al and Irma if you get any more brain storms Crawl under the bed until it blows over now. Remember There professor we still have hope Why don't you come downstairs with me and I'll give you a nice cup of hot tea? Well, that's a good idea. I ate one of Irma's biscuits an hour ago And if there's anything that will dissolve a rock, it's your tea That gene just because we bollocks things up once does not mean cannot be resurrected But Al she told us to stay out. Yeah, so she'll always be able to ridicule us Well when things start to go wrong I like to go through with it and this calls for a consultation with a great mind And there's only one man to call who else who else but hello Joe Got a problem. The professor's room has been condemned. Who do you know high up in the fire department? Well, oh, you know them all huh you met him through your mother. Oh Your mother is false alarm fanny No, no Joe that kind of a recommendation is liable to be injurious to our cause want to get a condemnation notice revoked What's my move? Uh-huh, uh-huh Uh-huh Mm-hmm sounds good Joe. Thanks a million and goodbye noble friends. Well chicken. It's in the bag We're off to see mr. Wilkinson the city building inspector and when he hears my story He's got to overrule that condemned order. Let's go chicken There's a city building inspector naturally I could revoke the order, but I understand the professor's room as a shambles Exactly the professor paid a fortune to have it decorated that way Decorated I don't understand will clarify matters. You see inspector professor Kropotkin happens to be a great author Indeed. Oh sure. Are you familiar with the book tobacco road? Oh, yeah. Well, the professor's writing a sequel to it I think he's calling it a nicotine lane Naturally when he writes he likes the proper atmosphere really sure all them great authors need the proper surroundings to write a great book Take the day will wrote gong with the wind Understand she spent six months in front of an electric fan And I understand stand the woman who wrote the snake pit spent three weeks in the zoo No, no chicken. The snake pit is about the insane. Well, anyone who would spend that much time in the zoo couldn't be in their right mind Now that's another story Inspector take my word for it. The professor's a great author and had his room especially decorated the way it is Why I understand he spent $30 for termites alone But that's because he's a real genius and will not settle for any substitutes Well geniuses and books are a little out of my line, but I can see we're a man like that would like atmosphere All right, I'll put a cancel order through. Thank you inspector Wilkinson and who knows someday the professor may dedicate a book to you Good day Can we tell her the good news go on chicken wait? I have good news for you I saw Richard and he's going to use his influence to see that the professor is taken care of Are you two braying about shall I tell a chicken go ahead Al? Oh and Jane you better put a tight scarf around your neck because when you hear what we did you're gonna laugh your head off Hello, Jane. Oh, there you are. I could kiss you both. Thanks, professor. We'll just shake hands Jamie have they told you what they did? No, but I've just had an aspirin so go ahead But I don't know how they did it or what they told the building inspector But the order condemning my room has been reworked and now I got my room back See Jane your Richard isn't the only one who can get things done. My Al isn't half the dummy. I think he is. He's a hundred percent Tell me how did you do it very simple told him you was an author and you had the room made that way because you wanted it as a Background for your writing. Oh, do you like that me an author? I can hardly write English I suppose it's all right as long as it did the trick But it was unnecessary because Richard fixed everything off always like to depend on myself Then no nothing can go wrong Come in and they told me I might find professor Kropotkin here. I'm professor Kropotkin What can I do for you, please? Well, that all depends whose face am I facing Chairman of the ladies section club and I've taken the liberty of promising our ladies that you'd speak before them this afternoon Is something wrong, I just remembered I have a terrible case of laryngitis. I couldn't speak a word But I just heard you when you see I that wasn't the professor lady I've been doing the talking you see I'm a ventriloquist. Yes, you know one of those men that use a dummy. We're engaged Humor me out of making the professor address our club But I thought he'd be glad to do it from the way my husband talk your husband. Yes Inspector Wilkinson of the city building department. I I Mrs. Wilkinson and our literary club meets at four Of course, I can't force you to lecture to us professor. I'll just tell mr. Wilkinson. You don't think it worthwhile Do whatever makes you happy Goodbye Things up again professor. What are you doing near that window? I'm gonna jump out the lady told me do anything That's making me happy Oh and after Richard had it all fixed up now his influence won't help if they find out that Alan Irma lied Why did the two of you have to butt in well? It looked like one of those occasions where I could outwit the man, but you've no business going into battle only half equipped Now what are we going to do? I don't know it's a cold day and tonight it will be worse Why did you have to say I was a writer? You could have said I was an explorer then I could have shown him some of the stuffed animals I trapped in my room What to suggest if she tells her husband you refuse to speak he'll reissue the condemned order and then Well, you know yes, you'll be the old man's home for me Well, I got only one alternative I'll go down and lecture to the ladies, but What will you talk about who knows? But there will be a lot of heart in my speech because when I'm up there It's gonna be in my mouth Here waiting for the professor to come back from his lecture. Why are we all here? Because I refuse to let Irma and Al leave They got the professor into this thing and when the roof falls in on him I think they should have the honor of carrying him out. Oh gosh Jane everything's going to be all right I don't see why you're so fidgety. No What about yourself? I'm not nervous then for heaven's sake take those bobby pins off your ears and put them back in your hair Come in Hello, everybody. Look at me Kropotsky in the author You mean you convinced of very simple and the very simple they asked me to describe my new book And I told them it was about a little town that had been completely wrecked by a terrible tornado And when I described in horrible details, they said they'd never heard a better lecture They cried they weep they saw that's wonderful, but professor. I didn't know you would ever been in a tornado I didn't have to be in a tornado. I just described my room Don't think that you are safe from film nearly everyone has it Just run your tongue over your teeth if you feel a slippery coating That's film and you'd better get pepsidon toothpaste to remove it for film collect stains that make teeth look dull It harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath Film glues acid to your teeth the very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay and remember Phil never lets up So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsidon No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidon's film removing formula get pepsidon with eryum today Back in his room, and you know we all feel a little wonderful about it Mrs. O'Reilly celebrated by going out and getting the new short Bob and the professor wanted to know if she had looked into the electric fan So all is well with the world again. Al and Irma are on the sofa He has given her a lifesaver and she is trying to slip it onto her finger That's as close as she'll ever come to getting an engagement ring Irma, I'm going to bed. Oh, but yeah, you haven't seen my new veil. Yeah veil Yes, I'm going to wear it into the office because my boss says the less he sees of me the better. He likes it And you know if I live to be a million, I'll never see anyone like my friend Irma Directed by Cy Howard Mark Levy writes the script with Stanley Adams and Roland McLean and it's brought to you by pepsidon toothpaste with eryum Another fine product of lever brothers company Marie Wilson is starred as Irma with Joan Banks is Jane Part of Al was played by John Brown. Hans Conrad was heard as Professor Kropotkin and Gloria Gordon as Mrs. O'Reilly Music was under the direction of Ludblaston Your contribution to care will guarantee delivery of much needed food and clothing to those who are suffering in Europe this winter In many countries malnutrition and disease are still widespread and many millions of people are living today on an adequate diet Mail your contribution to care C. A. R. E. New York City in Canada the address is 193 Spark Street, Ottawa This is Wendell Niles speaking The RISK brisk flavor. That's what you get in Lipton tea Yes brisk flavor that picks you up brings you back alive in a hurry Brisk flavor that comes from Lipton's very special blending of the finest orange pico and pico teas Try it you'll find that this brisk flavor of Lipton's leaves you refreshed and ready to go again And you can enjoy it often because even wonderful tea like Lipton's costs less than any drink except water Always ask for Lipton tea the brisk tea with that heartwarming Lipton lift Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the Lux Radio Theater followed by the pepsidon show my friend Irma This is CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System