 I'm in full-on berserker mode today as I take X-Men Origins Wolverine versus The Wolverine. Stick around. Don't think Hugh is the perfect Wolverine, then you don't know Jack, man, like I do. He can sing, he can dance, after all, this is France. The guy's built like a powerhouse. It's not his fault that the scripts are never up to the caliber that he can deliver. Some of the anti-Jackman haters out there complain that he's too tall. Too tall? Now you're just dick-picking. I think we can all 100% fully agree that the breakout performance in X-Men Origins Wolverine is Black Eyed Peas' front-runner Will I Am. When I think of peer talent on both the musical and acting level, I go to Will I Am. The guy is the real deal. He's oozing with charisma, pouring with charm. And obviously on being fully sarcastic, the guy is awful at everything he does. Why is he in the movie? Other notables in Origins include Ryan Reynolds' Deadpool. He was great for the two scenes he was in before we are reintroduced to him in the last act with the taped-up son-up mouth claws on his hands like Baraka from Mortal Combat. What the f*** happened? What happened? Then there's Friday night light star Taylor Kitch doing his damnest to ruin one of my favorite X-Men gambit. The rest of the cast is forgettable, but I suppose I should spend some time on the villain here, Liv Shriver playing Sabertooth. I'm probably going to take some heat for this, but I prefer the original X-Men Sabertooth interpretation. Sure for interpretation. Yeah, he was a mindless oaf, but at least he was big and threatening. Liv Shriver looks like a dude that's out of a Bond film. And the guy's just too classy, he's got too much will-I-am in him. Let's move on to the Wolverine cast. This is a stripped-down picture, there's not a lot going on and that goes with the cast as well. We're focused on Hugh Jackman here. He does have a little muted counterpart though by the name of Yukio, I'm sure I butchered that. She's the katana-wielding badass that flips around every scene like Yoda from Star Wars Episode II The Clone Wars, but in a good way. Then we have Poison Ivy, the other mutant. Her name is Viper, I guess she's got snake-like abilities. I really have no idea why she's in the film, I don't know what her motives were, they seem oddly out of place. Then we have my girl Femke Jensen, once again reprising her role as Jean Grey, the lovely Jean Grey. Of course, this time she's showing up in one of the worst storytelling mechanics known to man. Hugh knows how to act, just let him. I don't need it shoved down my throat that he missed his Femke, I get it, who wouldn't miss her? In fact, I miss her and in another life I picture her me being with her honestly. Sitting on the front porch, watching our two children frolic in the field, I'd yell to them, cottage, sconia, come in for some dinner. She'd clasp her hands around mine, stare into my eyes lovingly, searching for that spark. That's in me, that reason I fell in love with her. It never left Femke and it never will. Yeshita is the villain here, sorry once again if I mispronounced the name. I looked it up in IMDb because I couldn't remember anybody's name in this movie, outside of Jackman's. He's the Silver Samurai, we finally find out in the last portion of the film, but it was abundantly clear to me. I don't know if that was the case for everybody else, but as soon as I knew he was going to take Wolverine's healing ability, I'm like, there's some sketchers about this guy, this guy's sketchy, he's the villain. And I suppose that's as good of a place as any to move to round two, the story or the plot. I'm not sure what the title scene says. If you're at all familiar with the show Movie Feuds, you know I'm not one to shy away from picking my side, I don't stay on the fence on this. I give you my take and I suggest you do the same in the comments. But this is a tough one for me because I find both these films extremely mediocre. Obviously X-Men Origins Wolverine is the worst of the two. It's essentially retarded in everything it does. The thing is so full of action cliches, even the blob would get a tummy ache from taking them all in. So there's that. And then on the other hand, which is, of course, my left hand is The Wolverine. The director here so badly wants this to be a mutant James Bond film that he forgets anything interesting about Wolverine. The first 20 minutes is great. It actually harkens back, I believe that's a word, to X-Men 1 with a bar rumble when we first meet Wolverine. It's a fantastic set piece. It's a fantastic reintroduction to Wolverine. But then he gets to Japan and things just fall to pieces right away. I don't know why this director thought that we wanted to see a less powerful Logan. If anything, I want to see him take on like 16 guys at once, come out bloodied and bashed up, yelling to the top of his lungs, covered in blood. But unfortunately, we're never going to get that film. Darren Aronofsky was supposed to direct. This is a guy who did Requiem for a Dream, Life of Pi. Or just Pi. It doesn't matter. But he backed out. And this is what we got instead. A halfway realized Wolverine film. And then we get terribly scripted scenes like where Wolverine is going to fight 30 ninjas. Hell, I think he even says that's not enough. But then he immediately runs away and gets taken out by those very same ninjas. Apparently it was enough Wolverine. Apparently it was just right. Well, X-Men Origins has plenty of action. None of it's particularly good. I mean, it's all really stupid over the top. Shit. But once again, that's that's the charm of this movie is it's just so dumb that you can watch it with some popcorn and laugh. The effects are sketchy. They're shocking at best. They look like the effects crew got halfway through and said, look at this, let's go, let's go grab a slice of pizza and walk away from this project. It's terrible anyways. The Wolverine had plenty of action, too. Unfortunately, it was just dull. Outside of the katana wielding ninja chick, everything else was bland. There was a cool two, three minute bullet train sequence. And then there was an extremely stupid silver samurai mech adamantium robotic and dumb thing. At that point, I thought they just took used footage from Wolverine Origins and placed it at the end of this movie. The musical score was probably better in the Wolverine. I honestly don't know. I don't remember music from any of them. I don't care. Maybe this late in the review to even go back and look them up. Let's just give it to Wolverine, whatever. If I was to give these two movies an arbitrary score, A through F, which I will do right now, I would give the Wolverine a C. It's extremely mediocre across the board. It does nothing for the film. You know what? I'm going to back off. I'm going to give it a C minus. Yeah, I just went there. And as for X-Men, Wolverine Origins, I'm going to give that a solid D, maybe a D minus that that minus is holding it from an F because of the dumb factor, the part that kept me laughing, kept me wanting to see how stupid this thing could get. So to summarize, Jackman be nimble, Jackman be quick. Jackman just needs to pick out a better script because these movies are not up to snuff. I know some of you think the Wolverine is a fantastic film, a fantastic film, I say. Obviously, I don't. You can tell me in the comments that I'm wrong. It's never stopped you in the past to just tear into me, call me names. That's cool, though. That's what this is all about, right? Attacking me and not the film. More than just reviews, this is movie feeds. I'm not bitter. Hey, not everybody heals as fast as you do, Logan. Remember who said that? It was Cyclops. Where is he now? Yeah, he's dead. He's dead. Oh, you don't know that because this is Origins and you don't meet him until OK, well, let's just move on. You're going to do what you do. That's fine.