 The soldier can be a wonderful thing, providing you with a warm, comforting blanket of magical memories. It can also be a cruel, heartless bitch that comes back to bite you, to remind you that some of the movies you used to be so fond of, don't hold up. And today I shed a tear about those said films on this episode of Dunston Checks Out. It's a working title. I could still watch a lot of Family Flicks, but some of them hurt me. They cut me deep, Shrek. I want to talk about them now. Number five goes to Space Jam. And Caleb agrees with me right out of the gates on Twitter, saying he doesn't care for Space Jam anymore. Everybody get up. It's time to suck now. Space Jam was one of the first CDs I ever owned, and I stand by that purchase. The film itself is another story. One full of campy jokes, bad acting, and an overly sexualized cartoon bunny. Don't you do it, Adam. Don't you dare fall in love with her. Pokemon took up a good portion of my adolescence. I wasn't that young. When it came to movies featuring animals forced to beat the living shit out of each other, this film had a lot to live up to. It ended up being overly long, dull commentary telepathically communicated by a man-made Pokemon named Mewtwo. Baby stay out. It's like home alone, but with a baby. Follow along with the toddler on his misadventures as he inadvertently takes three men to the brink of death. An afternoon with Ramsay Bolton would seem like tea time in the park compared to what these three idiots endure in the swimsuit area. In the film Blank Check, a bad guy hits a boy with his bike and writes him out a blank check. The rest is history. Outside of an awesome in-house waterslide, nothing else makes sense. Bowie millionaire Preston is in love with a woman three times his age and his best friend is a clingy limo driver. The movie's also shot with wacky camera vision to really drive it all home. My number one pick goes to Three Ninjas. I'm not even sure they bothered transferring this one to DVD, but if they did, I imagine the poll quote is, Hey, we're better than surf ninjas, which is true. I've seen Three Ninjas approximately 286 times all before the age of 12. It combines all of young Adam's favorite things. Ninja turtle-like attitude and fighting skills with a Z. A homelone-esque middle section for a good measure. There's also a choppy slow motion pickup game of basketball. You know what? I still love this movie. I think Honey I Shrunk the Kids is still good. It has Rick Moranis and some awesome effects work. One thing I am sure of, this is the definitive best and worst list you're ever going to find. I got the Mighty Ducks trilogy in the house. Emilio Estevez coaches a ragtag group of hockey players by unconventional means. This trilogy is right up there with The Lord of the Rings. If you ask anybody that's under the age of eight and hasn't seen The Lord of the Rings, this list is insanity, isn't it? What a wild ride this has become. I bundled all the Disney films here in the number three spot. A talking little mermaid, the Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast. And sure, why not Hercules? Whether you are witnessing under the sea magic, a stampede in the gorge, a tale as old as Time, or an epic Greek saga. You've never had a friend like these films. And for some kids out there, they were his only friend. The Sandlot is a baseball coming of age story and it's timeless. It features a fantastic lineup of kid actors, funny adolescent situations, memorable dialogue, and multiple references to the Sultan of Swat, the Titan of Terror, the Colossus of Clout, the King of Crash, the great Bambino himself, Babe Ruth. You play ball like a girl. The Rings is another kids being kids adventure and it makes the top spot for me. And this one's got all the fixings. Crazy gadgets, a Cindy Lopper soundtrack, Indiana Jones inspired set pieces, plank walking, Home Alone-esque pratfalls, a sloth of a man, and the classic truffle shuffle. I'd say this film is good enough. Cindy Lopper's song reference. Let's do a bad movie pitch. Gremlins and Gremlins 2 are gross, funny, and all around pretty awesome. It's time for a sequel that no one wants. Gremlins 3 will act as a soft reboot of the franchise. Billy Pelzer will be the father in this picture, gifting the little Mogwai to his daughter. There will be very little in terms of creativity or fresh ideas, but the movie will be competent enough to score some good paid reviews and springboard another Gremlins series. Yay. Now was that civilized? No, clearly not. Fun, but in no sense civilized. It kind of sucks being an adult. You see things in a different light from when you were younger. A steel girder to the nuts was delightfully charming as a child, but becomes rather... Who am I kidding? It's still a beautiful experience to witness as an adult. Let's hear one more time from Twitter. Hunter's fave growing up was Batman and Robin. That's not just sad. That's bad parenting. Egotistical squirrel realized something I knew all along. Jurassic Park 2 and 3 are just not good. That's the show. Thanks for watching Richie Bitch. It's a working title brought to you by Guru Hub. Now let's end how we honestly always should with the truffle shuffle. You too can be part of the conversation by joining me on Twitter or Instagram. Watch for my comment and respond with the hashtag guru hub to possibly be featured in an upcoming episode.