 Okay. Okay. So are you driving a man further away out of your life when you really want to bring him closer? That is the topic of today's video. My name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Sorry earlier I was having some technical difficulties if you saw that. And so today we're going to be talking about what drives a man out of your life. Accidentally, we have a lot of women that are in our community and they've been asking me all these questions about different things in regards to how they should be messaging men, what's going on with men, talking about some of their interactions with men. And one of the things that keeps coming up is that some of these women are doing things accidentally to kind of push men out of their life. And so we're going to be talking about that today. So we're going to be talking about how to destroy a man's love for you and drive him out of your life. And I've got five things that I'm going to be talking about today that women in our community tend to do that will drive a man out of their lives. And so let's get started with number one. Number one is smothering him. So if you're smothering a man that will definitively drive him out of your life. So what does it mean? What are we talking about when we smother a man? So think about it like think about a man's love for you like kind of like a fire, right? You want it to you want this fire this love that he has for you to grow inside of his heart. And when you're building a fire, you kind of have to start it and give it room to breathe and allow it time to build and grow. And if you kind of throw things on top of it, you know, sometimes I've been out, I've made a lot of different fire. If you've never made a fire before, let me tell you about making a fire. So I've I've made lots and lots of fires in my life. And sometimes I'll go out with people and we'll build like a fire or something. And and people just start throwing tons of sticks and wood and stuff on there. And you have to stop them. You're like, okay, just hold on a minute, right? You have to let the fire breathe. You have to let oxygen come in. You have to let the fire kind of build up and catch momentum before you can really start throwing more wood on there, throwing bigger logs on there until eventually you have this really big burning fire that is really great. And it's really healthy. And there's very little that you can do to actually put it out. And so that's kind of like what you want to think of with a man's love, especially in the early stages of a relationship, you need to give him some room, you need to kind of back off, you need to lean back and allow him to allow his desire to grow for you. And one of the things that you've probably heard before, it's kind of a cliche, which is that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And it's actually, it's true, right? So you need to kind of back off and just kind of lean back and allow him to come to you, especially in the early stages. Later on in the relationship, it's, it's, you can do more things in terms of connecting with him and talking to him and messaging him and all that kind of stuff without really worrying about it, because that fire is already grown and built up and whatnot. And sometimes even if you're in the relationship and you're, you're doing too much and you're trying to make things happen and you're talking and talking and talking and talking, it might be better just to kind of pull back and let him, let him kind of pursue you and, and do all those things. I had a woman that was in our community who was talking about the last livestream that I did and she was talking about how I mentioned that even if you're leaning back, you can still kind of reach out to a guy. And she kind of misinterpreted it. What, what ended up happening was she was talking to this guy and she told him, she realized that he needed a little bit of space. Maybe he, he told her that he needed some space. And so she said, okay, yeah, that's fine. I'll give you some space. Just reach out to me when you're ready. And then all of a sudden she watched my video and she's like, oh, I can message him even when I'm leaning back. And so she messages him the next day, right? And she's like, hey, she said something to him and then he didn't message back. So she sent another message like, hey, are you angry at me or something like that? And it was like, no, this is the opposite of what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about that just because I say that you can reach out to a man when you're leaning back. Doesn't mean that you should reach out to a man when you're leaning back. And it depends on the situation. So it depends on every situation and you have to look at your situation individually instead of just saying, oh, Matt said this one thing and I'm going to latch onto it, take it out of contacts and just do it whenever I feel like it because that's, that is not what works. And so, hey, if you're here with us right now, make sure to say hello and tell us where it is that you're watching from right now in the chat. So where, say hello and say where you're watching from. So the next thing that we're going to be talking about, number two, the number two thing about how to destroy a man's love for you and drive him out of your life is what we were just talking about before as well, which is accusing him of being mad or upset. And so this kind of looks like you constantly asking him how he feels. And if he doesn't say what you want him to say, asking it again, saying it again, asking it again over and over and over again in different ways possibly. And this is really annoying to a guy. And sometimes guys like we were talking about before, sometimes guys need some space. And if you're, and a lot of times guys need space in order to process feelings. And that might be different than what you need or how you need to be interacted with or communicated with in a relationship or with your friends or how you're feeling. And but it's not always about you and what you want. Sometimes it's about him. Sometimes it's about you. It kind of depends on the situation. However, if he is angry and he needs and he does need space, it's better to kind of lean back and give him some space rather than accusing him being on top of him, asking if he's mad or upset over and over and over again, which is kind of a combination of smothering him and the accusing him of being mad or upset kind of thing. So number three, the third thing that kind of destroys a man's love for a woman is attacking, shaming or ridiculing him for not doing what you want him to do. And so we're talking about love here, right? And we all want to be loved and we all want to be accepted for who we are. And when you're kind of attacking a man and shaming him and and ridiculing him for not doing or being the way that you want him to be, generally speaking, what a man tends to feel when a woman does that to him is he feels like he's not being seen. He feels like he's not being appreciated. He feels like he's not being loved. He feels like he's being wronged and like he's somehow bad and like you're trying to change him or fix him or do something in order to make him somebody other than who he is. And whenever you do that with a guy, what ends up happening is a guy will do one of two things. He'll either kind of shut down completely and just kind of back away and pull away and be like, you know, like because what happens is a lot of times guys will feel like it's like there's nothing that they can do that's good enough, right? Maybe you've heard that before. Guys tend to say that a lot when I was in the men's dating industry. Guys would get into relationships with these women and that's one of the biggest complaints that they'd have about women that they're in relationships with is they'd say things like, I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. And you don't want him to feel that way because at some point what will end up happening is that he'll kind of give up and he'll just kind of go through the motions and he'll just accept the fact that you're going to be angry all the time until you blow up and end up leaving because he's not stepping up and he's not giving you what it is that you want and he feels like he's not good enough for you. You start feeling like you're not good enough for him or whatever. You start like there's all kinds of different things that end up happening from that. The other thing that a guy will do if you shame him, attack him and ridicule him all the time is he might lash out back at you and then you'll end up in these anger kind of spouts and arguments and just being mad at each other and whatnot and that can be really a bad thing overall for everyone. And so the next thing, number four, is it four? Number four that we're talking about here is the thing that will destroy a man's love for you and drive him out of your life is taking over all the male and masculine roles in the relationship until you're pretty much doing everything. So I had a woman the other day that was, I get complaints from women all the time because they talk about how the advice that we give on this channel is too kind of archaic. Like it's this old time advice from the 1950s that's trying to get women to be in their place or whatever and that's not what we're doing at all here. The goal of what we do on this channel and what I do on this channel is really to empower you. It's to give you the tools necessary to create the kind of relationship that you want and men and women are different. We're different. We're not the same. There's no disputing that. There's biology at stake here and times might change and we might try to pretend like we're the same and we might feel like we want to just be the same but we're not. We have different biology. We have different things. We think differently. We feel differently. We handle conflict differently. Men or women are different and men are attracted, especially masculine men, are attracted to feminine women. And so what a masculine man wants in terms of being in a relationship and what makes him feel proud to be in a relationship which is a really important thing for a man to feel is being able to take over that masculine role and being able to take it over in a way that that makes him feel like he's strong and powerful and a man incapable and competent. And if you're taking over all the masculine roles in the relationship, things like planning all the dates, pursuing him, making him a goal or a project or a hobby that you're working on and fixing or being in charge and all that kind of stuff, if he's a masculine energy man there's one of two things that's going to happen. Either one, he's going to he's going to end up leaving the relationship all together because he's out there looking for somebody that is a match to him or two, he's just going to end up leaning back and getting incredibly lazy. And what's going to end up happening then is you're going to be doing everything, you're going to feel like you you're giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted. And so you don't want to take on the masculine and male roles in the relationship and I know that can be a very difficult thing especially in today's age when a lot of women are going into the workplace and taking on masculine roles in the workplace and in order to thrive and survive and and get to higher levels in their work positions they need to take on these masculine energy roles. However doing that in your relationship with a masculine energy man can be incredibly destructive and push him away and make him feel like he's not welcome there. So if you're listening and you get what it is that we're talking about just say I get it, just say I get it in the chat. All right so the next one is this is number five, this is the fifth one and then we're going to talk a little bit about what it is that you should do and how I'm going to talk a little bit about texting because I was asked about this in the community the other day. And so oh and before I forget if you want to get your questions answered and you want to be a part of our community go to the goddesscommunity.com and sign up there and you can join our community for free you can get your questions answered by a coach and you can get a bunch of free awesome content for signing up. So go there check it out it's free for 14 days there's a free 14 days trial and all the information is there. So that's that. So number five is making him feel lots of negative emotions around you and associated with him. And so there's been a whole bunch of different studies done and one of the most powerful studies that was done was by the Relationship Research Institute in regards to what keeps two people together over a long term period of time. And so what what they ended up being able to figure out was they they took just they studied all these different components everything you can possibly think of that's going on between a man and a woman and they could figure out just by putting a man and a woman in a room together for 10 minutes how long their relationship was going to last and if it was going to last and if they were going to break up and they were able to do this with something like 90 accuracy. And one of the number one thing that they talked about in this was the ratio between positive and negative emotions in your relationship that you're experiencing. And what they found is that there has to be at least five times as many positive emotions in a person's interaction with their partner in order for those two people to want to stay together. And so when you start having all these negative emotions that start creeping into the relationship and it starts getting out of hand and next thing you know that the entire relationships based around negative emotions what ends up happening is that both people start feeling really bad about things and many times both of them end up wanting to leave and all that kind of stuff. And so you don't want to what you want to do is avoid those negative having tons and tons of negative emotions. Obviously negativity isn't necessarily something that you can avoid if all relationships have problems. However, things that you want to do is avoid arguing all the time. A lot of couples end up getting into these these kind of things these patterns of like arguing all the time and a lot of times what this ends up coming from is people's parents. So if you grew up in an environment where your parents were arguing all the time in order to resolve their conflicts and shouting at each other and getting mad at each other and it was just this constant arguing back and forth and pointing fingers and not taking responsibility chances are that's how you're going to experience your relationships in the future. You're going to treat your relationships where you start arguing and and if you get a partner that kind of like sees you arguing in leaves you're going to be like what's wrong with him right and you don't even realize that you're the one that's doing all the all the arguing and starting all the problems and all the drama in the relationship. And so other things that you'll want to avoid in relationship is lying and playing games and trying to manipulate him making him feel bad about himself or gas lighting him or making him feel bad about you not feeling good which is another topic all together but all these things together the lying and and playing games manipulating him ultimately what's going to end up happening is a guy's going to start feeling bad because of those things when you have a relationship that's based on playing games the guy ends up feeling really bad you tend to end up feeling really bad as well if you have a smart guy and he starts playing games with you back and you end up having this explosive relationship where there's really good sex but ultimately it ends up exploding and you guys hate each other for the rest of your lives and never want to see each other again and so you want to avoid that all together and so if you're in our chat yep Gottman Institute that's right so if you're in the chat you have a question if you have any questions that you want to ask make sure to ask the questions and here at the end I will answer whatever questions that you guys have and so lastly I want to talk about kind of texting because there is a question in our community about how to text when you're leaning back and what I want you to do before I kind of give you any techniques around texting in terms of leaning back or being in your feminine energy which is really what leaning back kind of helps you do is I want you to kind of think about it or feel it for a moment just think about the idea of being feminine right masculine is this thing where it's kind of a doer you're a doer you go forward you're going after goals you're making things happen you're fixing things your problem solving you're going after what it is that you want in your life and the feminine is this receiver it's this part of you that accepts things in that blocks things that you don't want but accepts things that you do want in and it takes in different things and when you think about texting and think about being in your feminine energy one of the reasons that we talk about leaning back is because so many women what they're doing especially in our community is they're leaning forward right that's why you're smothering a guys because you're leaning forward and you're trying to figure out what's going on and is it okay and I you know I want to make sure that this relationship works and I want to make sure that he's interested in that he knows that I'm interested in him because if he knows that then you know he'll know how much I care about him and he'll want to care about me as well which by the way doesn't work at all and so right or or some of the other things that we're talking about like accusing him of being mad or upset or upset right it's it's kind of like oh it's kind of this place of coming from neediness and then you're you're then trying to like make things happen or or coming from insecurity or coming from fear right you're afraid that things are going to mess up or you did mess things up and so you want to connect with him and find out how he's feeling and and you know what's going on with you right and so and so what we're talking about here is taking a big deep breath and just being like right just chilling out just chill out take a chill pill relax lean back get into your feminine energy allow him allow the fire to to build up allow oxygen to go under the fire and for it to build up and just you lean back and relax and allow yourself to receive and so coming from this space thinking about texting with a guy like what what makes sense in terms of texting how would it make sense to message or text a guy and so the first thing that I kind of want to talk about is feminine energy in regards to inviting right you're this receiver and there's a way to connect with a man where you're kind of creating an invitation right so the feminine is actually the connector right the masculine is the pursuer or the doer or the make things happen so as a man what a man should be doing when he's connecting with you is figuring out how to kind of move things forward figuring out how to get you out on a date figuring out how to what what the next step is for your relationship and what it is and moving things forward in that regard and your purpose and your kind of position here is kind of as a connector right which is why it's not a bad thing necessarily to connect with him and reach out to him as long as you're not smothering him or coming from a space of neediness or coming from a space of fear or desperation if you're not coming from those spaces and you reach out to them and you're coming from your feminine energy it's totally okay right it's it's not going to come off badly because you're not trying to do something you're not trying to make something happen and so the first technique that I want to talk about is something that I call the breadcrumb trail and so basically the metaphor that I have for this is taking pieces of bread and it's like you're imagine that you're going out and feeding a family of ducks right you go out to the park and you see a family of ducks and you gotta you gotta loaf of bread with you and I've I was actually doing this not too long ago and that's actually why this came to my head and so you you tear off some pieces of bread and you throw it down to the ducks right you kind of break it up into really little pieces and you throw it down to the ducks and they come over and start eating the bread and you start moving back and you throw a little bit more out to the ducks and you move back and throw more out to the ducks right and you're kind of leaving this and and what you can do is you can just throw a bunch out and just walk off and just you know leave a bunch behind you and the ducks will kind of follow you around and so that's the idea of the breadcrumb trail and so there's a lot of different ways to do this and and do it coming from kind of a space of being feminine and one of the ways that you can do this is say something like hey I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hi and so all you're doing here is you're just connecting with him you're just throwing a piece of bread out there and waiting for him to come over and pick it up and eat it right as as the good the good little ducky that he is and so you're you're not trying to get him to do anything you're not trying to force him to say anything or act a certain way all you're doing is giving him a little bread and seeing if he bites onto it and if he doesn't bite onto it that tells you a lot about what's going on with him if he does bite onto it that also tells you a lot that's going on with him and so when you do this you can't get like upset that he didn't message you back right away right like the person that I was talking about earlier did where she was like oh my god he hasn't messaged me it's like I don't know how long she waited but it couldn't have been that long and she messaged him back like hey are you angry at me you don't want to do that right you want to avoid that just just leave it be just let him come over and eat the bread and if he doesn't or he does it tells you a lot about what's going on with him so so for instance if you told him to another way to do this is if you told him to get a hold of you at some point just leave him alone don't message him if you said hey I get that you need some space which I've talked to a few women in our community that have done this where they've been like you know the guy's like hey I need some space and she's like okay I'll give you some space just let me know when you're ready to connect again or ready to talk again or let me know when you don't need any more space and then they'll end up trying to reinitiate it a day or two later and what you need to do is just like I said lean back just let him contact you if he doesn't contact you in about two weeks then you then go ahead and send him another message but if he but if it hasn't been two weeks just leave him alone just let it go just leave him alone another kind of thing that I've talked to that I've seen in our community a lot is these women where they're like oh I met we had this fun messaging exchange and then he left for three days like why would a man do this he didn't message me for three days but then he came back and it's like three days really isn't that long of a period of time if you feel like you have to connect with him all the time and like a couple day period of time is a huge period of time for you you need to start creating more things to do in your life that occupy your time so that you're not kind of clinging onto a guy because if you're just constantly needing attention and connection with him this especially early on in the relationship that can become a really big problem and so you need to lean back let him come to you and just you know just just leave him alone just let it go because it's like it's not normal for everybody to want to talk all the time especially if a person is really a high value person they've got a lot of things going on in their life they might need some space they might need to only talk twice a week or something like that and so you want to give them space especially if they're a high value guy there's a lot of things going on with them to just do their own thing right and also another thing and I talked about this in the last livestream is what the men's dating industry is teaching men about how to connect with women and one of the guys that I was talking about or I was talking to a couple weeks ago was telling me that one of his recommendations is that you as a man when you're connecting with a woman especially in the early stages that you only contact her once a week and the the only time that you talk to her any more than that is if she contacted you and so you know guys what guys are trying to do is not screw things up as well right guys are out there and they're having problems as well and so they found that when they go and they're really heavy on a girl a lot of times she'll end up pulling back and so he doesn't want that to happen and so a lot of times what guys will do is they'll set a date and they'll just disappear until the date because they're like I don't want to screw things up between now and the date and they know that the more that they talk to you the higher the probability chances that they're going to talk you out of the date and so they kind of avoid talking about the date as much as they can many times in order to make sure that they aren't screwing things up as well and so the the next part that I want to talk about is the last kind of texting technique which is kind of it's the invitation part right so as a woman you're receiving but you're kind of also inviting and we talked about the breadcrumb trail this is kind of like a the the other way to kind of invite a conversation is to when you message him is to ask him an actual question so a lot of times women get confused because they're like hey I sent him a message and he just sent me like a two word response and you're like okay well what was your message and you're like oh well my message was like a three word message and you're like and it was just a statement you're like oh well you know is this really all that surprising if if you're not you know he might be confused he might not know what's going on right because a lot of guys especially in America today they grew up without father figures they grew up with in single parent households they grew up in broken homes where their parents didn't raise them or teach them anything at all especially about dating and relationships and so a lot of these guys are really confused about what they should be doing as far as like when you reach out to them what they should do in order to respond back to you and so if you want to make sure to kind of give him an invitation for how to respond back to you ask him a question instead of just sending him a message that doesn't have any necessary response to it and then again you know just looking at his response and gauging that in determination of how he feels about you in the moment and so those that's it that's it for the content right now again i just wanted to mention that if you want your questions to be answered by a coach go to the goddess community.com and you can sign up for free get your questions answered by a coach and get a bunch of free content that we have there all the information is over at the goddess community.com so now i'm going to check out what everybody is talking about so Beverly says i do know a friend and he's okay that's a horror that's that's a horrible okay i'm just not even going to read that one okay so Mima says how to chat our text in a ldr relationship and not smother well again what you want to do is is like we're talking about lean back right give him space to initiate give him space to respond and just allow the conversation to go smoothly and you know i've talked to a lot of people about this and there's kind of this debate right there's a debate out there about do men chase or do women chase do men pursue or women supposed to pursue and it's not as black and white as men pursue women don't women pursue men don't there there's a lot of give and take right in the beginning of a relationship men are the ones that tend to pursue and then as the relationship grows women tend to start doing more of the initiation although women can do the initiation from the very beginning all the way up to anywhere in the relationship as long as she's coming from her feminine energy and she's doing it in an inviting way it won't end up being a problem hello everybody that's here right now hello miss kitty hello alina laurene met monk denmark i love it atlanta texas jennifer bonita new hampshire cool janice san jose alina says don't be clingy it's right don't be clingy that's right lots of people get it awesome mima says basically ignore the guy when signs start showing up no that is not what i'm saying i it's so funny to kind of give advice out there because what ends up happening is what i say and what people hear are two completely different things nowhere in anything that i've talked about in this entire thing have i ever said ignore a guy in any way shape or form you don't want to ignore a guy if you ignore a guy what's going to end up happening is he's going to think that you're not interested in him and he's probably going to completely leave you alone okay so met monk says i get it but didn't see the first go and re-watch the video once we're done here priscilla says so true mary says what to do if your ex-boyfriend still texting you but he had already a girlfriend after your breakup then he's telling you they already broke up but i don't believe him well you can you know if you if you don't actually believe him and your intuition is telling you that you shouldn't believe him then you should probably listen to your intuition and you know check out the situation for yourself and you know see what's going on priscilla says me and my ex-boyfriend had that problem we're over now tina says a lot of red flags he's never had me at his place for four years but been at my place all the time he's divorced i get calls from other girls he says it's his ex-wife behind it okay yeah i mean it you know it's really interesting that you've been in a relationship for four years and you've never been to his place i mean obviously yeah that's a lot of red flags and the question is why have you been in a situation with a guy for four years and he's never had you at his place before and the other question would be like what other things is he not doing because if he's not having you at his place there's probably a bunch of other things that he probably isn't doing as well that he should be doing at this four-year period of time number one if tina if you want a marriage if you want to get married at some point for you being with a guy for four years is a long time to not end up getting married to him and so that's another thing that you will want to think about is going on if if you're somebody that wants to end up getting married at some point so nicole says so if you are dating a man and he talks about you dating other guys what does this mean or how do i deal with that if i just want him to know i just want him well so it kind of depends on what what you mean he talks about you dating other guys right if a guy brings up dating other guys and it depends on like you know how long you guys have been seeing each other have you been dating for a long time are you are you in a committed relationship which it sounds like you're not right so if a guy brings up you dating other guys what what's going on in his mind is he's thinking i need to lock this girl down right that's that's what's going on in his mind is he's thinking i want to be in a relationship with this girl i'm not really sure how to approach the subject and so i'm talking about and i'm asking if you're dating other guys because i need to know you know what this relationship looks like to me and so what you want to do when a guy does this if he says like hey are you dating other guys one you don't want to lie right if you are dating other guys then it's it's not something that you necessarily need to lie but it's also kind of none of his business if you're not boyfriend girlfriend in a committed relationship exclusive right it's none of his business if you're out there dating other guys and so what you want to do is you want to kind of ask a question right and you can kind of do it in a cheeky fun manner where you're like you know if he's like hey are you are you dating other guys what you might want to say is something like i don't know like are you are you my boyfriend why are you why are you asking about that like are you do you want to be exclusive with me do you want to be committed to me do you want to be in a relationship with me i i'm just you know and just ask him like kind of from that kind of standpoint where you know throwing it back in his corner and just being like well you know like why are you asking me this is this because you're you think that we should be an item right now are you are you saying that we should we should be boyfriend girlfriend are you saying that you want to be committed to me you want to be exclusive to me and and just see what he says because if he most likely what he wants is that is he wants that and he's kind of looking for permission for that and he's looking for you to say that you want it as well but you don't want to be the one that says that you want him to be the one that says it because then you know where he stands right if you ask him the question and you're like why are you are you trying to say that you want to be in a committed relationship with me you want to be exclusive with me and he says yes then all of a sudden you're like oh okay it's not me putting pressure on him to be in this exclusive relationship he wants that and now we're having a conversation about it in agreeing to it so that's that's how you have that conversation Shirley says hey that's helpful well i'm glad i'm glad it's helpful so Shirley says me out here thank you for being here you're welcome thank you for being here i appreciate it so Tina says why does he make plans to take me for the weekend i pack and he never shows i text him never can get him till the next day yeah i mean that's a huge red flag so tina you're the one you're the one that's been with him for four years i mean this guy's showing you all kinds of red flags you've been with this guy for four years basically you're invested and committed to him and you're in a bad relationship that's that's what's going on here you're in a really bad relationship why does he make plans and then not show up because he's not a good strong man with good values and uh you know honest and a man of his word he's not he's not a good man and so you need to my suggestion is for you to stop you know stop dating him start dating other people and get out of a bad situation or spend some time healing yourself if you're if you feel like you're really hurt right now based on the things that he's done my my suggestion is for you to take your power back you need to take your power back in terms of your relationship how you feel towards men i just did a live stream a couple days last week it's called make yourself so valuable he will do anything for you go watch that video go watch that live stream and implement everything that i talk about in that live stream that's what you need to do right now so matt monk says women need space to absolutely and one of the reasons that we talk about men needing space is because a lot of women in our community tend to get into the space where they're kind of latching onto a guy and but it's absolutely true women need space as well and you know you need to be able to communicate and pull back if you need space in a way that makes sense as well dd says uh that's horrible advice for men you know it's it's kind of the same thing that that happens with us here on with women's dating advice right so we tell women to kind of lean back and what generally ends up happening sometimes women will end up completely leaning back but generally what ends up happening is they end up somewhere in the middle because because when you tell a woman to lean back and she's leaning forward and she's doing everything she tends to not actually fully lean back and what she does is she gets somewhere in the middle and this happens with a lot of guys as well as guys will you know if i go out on a date with a girl and i i have a really great time and my rule is don't message her but once every week and i'm just like totally into her you know i'm gonna be sitting there as a guy sitting there being like okay you know how much you know how long do i have to wait has it been how many days has it been oh my god you know i gotta message this girl back but i know that i don't want to screw it up and then you know three days later you end up messaging the girl because you're like okay oh i gotta i gotta talk to her and i feel like it's been long enough right and so so that's a lot of times what ends up actually happening although you know it works and the reason that it works is because it kind of puts men back into a power position right and it does it for you as well right if you're going you're dating a guy and you lean back we tell you that because it puts you in a power position puts you in a position where he's coming to you right he's men's the men's dating advice is putting them in positions where the women are then chasing the men and the men are leaning back and letting the women do the pursuing and so you just need to be aware of the advice regardless of how you feel about it and you know i i don't i don't particularly like that advice because i think it's i think it's off base especially if you guys have a really strong connection with each other so danielle says i was cheated on by my ex i gave him space but he used it to be with another woman i feel they should stay truthful and faithful i have trust issues if they don't connect yeah i mean if a guy's like hey i need some space and you're in a committed exclusive relationship and you lean back and give him some space and he goes off and cheats on you that's so there's something going on with him right it's not like oh you know there's something wrong with this technique that i did and i lean back and you know he cheated on me there's something wrong with him and you lean back and he showed his true colors to you and as much as it sucks and it hurts the the what you want to do ultimately is be grateful that you didn't end up staying with this guy and finding out down the road that he is a cheater and he's going out and hooking up with other women behind your back and you don't know about it so billy says oh tina straight run run away from him it's a hot mess it is that's a very hot mess and it's very possible that he's married and you don't want to be a second woman tina says i've seen divorce papers just something not yeah there's something definitely not right about that situation it's a huge massive massive red flag so emma says how to recover being a little clingy and shaming him for a mistake just chill out right you don't need to like recover right the idea of recovering is another kind of masculine thing right you're like trying to fix it i'm trying to fix this i want to get to this place where we're okay again just chill out right if you did something that was really bad and he brings it up and he's like you know i'm i don't trust you anymore because of this you know and you feel like you actually did something wrong just own up to it apologize take responsibility from it and and just be like yeah i'm not going to do that again and you know don't beat yourself up about it by any means a lot of women tend to do that stuff where they make a mistake and then they beat themselves up for it for days weeks months the rest of their life and you don't need to do that right you just need to chill out relax and take a take a step back and you know focus on creating positive emotional experiences in your relationship mai mai i think that's your name mai mai says thanks for the advice norah says how can you tell you can trust a man well you can trust you can tell you can trust a man through actions over time you you can't know up front people so for the first at least three months everybody's lazy right so you are sorry sorry everybody's trying to show their best foot right they're trying to show like you know who they are and make you like them and so if you get into a dating situation with a guy and for the first three months he's like doing weird things or whatever just expect that to expect whatever's going on that you don't like in the dating situation after the three month period of time to amplify dramatically um and as far as like trusting a guy like i mean you can do things and test them to see if you can trust them but ultimately that may might make him not trust you and what you need to do is if you have problems with trust that's something that you need to kind of build up and work on and you might want to do that with platonic male friends that you have and other people in your life and you know possibly therapy possibly doing some kind of seminar like transformational seminar type work as well billy says norah probably when he did yeah okay stacey says what if you're what if a man you're dating says he loves me sometimes but says actions speak louder than words so he's so he says he loves you sometimes like what do you what do you mean he says he loves you sometimes like like he says that he loves you sometimes or he says that he loves you sometimes right those are two completely different things so we could use some clarification on that one holly says i can't find a good man at all well it depends on what you think a good man is and it depends on where you're looking and it depends on whether you're projecting or not what you might be you might be so danielle says just letting you know that my ex cheater was my husband for 18 years it sucks it sucks janice says is it normal no intimacy till marriage for a 70 year old man 15 month it was over i'm not sure is it normal for no intimacy till marriage for a set for many 70 year old men they aren't really all that aroused by anything so they have to take pills and stuff to even get that aroused by anything so it's absolutely normal that a 70 year old man will wait and not want any intimacy Emma says thank you so much you're amazing you're welcome and thank you so much for being here hippie chick says difference between being taken for granted and he is not good at communication right so there's a fine line right it's it's hard to know a man's like what a man's intentions are right and um i mean not good at communicating you know like it's more likely that you're being taken for granted than it is that he's just a bad communicator i mean it's possible that if he has if he grew up with like a like a dysfunctional attachment style that he might end up being really bad at communicating just in general but it's more it's much more likely that that he's it's so communication isn't necessarily being taken for granted it's kind of an indicator of a person's interest in you right so if a man contacts you and you don't message him back for three days most likely it's because you're not really that interested in him right so you're just not that into him and at some point in three days you're like oh yeah i forgot to message this guy back that wants to take me on a date and so you send him a message right and it's just because you're not interested and so i'd assume for you that it's the same way with the guy that you're talking to is that he lost some interest if he's not contacting you back now the real question is what do you mean by you know good or bad communication and so if you're contacting him and he's not responding to you at all right that's one thing and another thing completely though is i'm waiting for a guy to message me and i'm not messaging him but i'm expecting him to message me right that's a completely different kind of dynamic than i messaged him and he waited a really long time to message me back so alina says my ex wanted to be friends that which i agreed but what to do if a guy is getting cold and normal again and again if he's getting cold and normal i don't know so if he's getting cold on you again and again it depends on what you mean by getting cold on you like he's not responsive to you sending him a message where you ask him a question is he you know does he try to go out undates with you are you seeing each other how long have you been seeing each other stacy says yes he loves me and he says that he loves me and i you say it all the time and he says it but so what you're saying is that he says i love you sometimes like he says it but he only says it sometimes so i mean i wouldn't get too wrapped up in that right like it's it's like okay what you're doing right now is you're overthinking it right right now what you're in is this mode of overthinking like oh my god i say that i love him all the time but he only says it to me sometimes like does he really love me right and what you need what that means is that you're coming from a space of fear right you're coming from a space of like i'm afraid that he doesn't really love me i'm afraid that what's going on with him isn't what i want to be going on with him and so what you need to do is just relax take a deep breath lean back you know watch that watch the last live stream that i did the one called make yourself so valuable he will do anything for you i i recommend that everybody that's here right now go and watch that live stream because that live stream talks that that's kind of a beginning stage of a really powerful system to empower you in any relationship that you're in and if you do what i talk about in that video then the likelihood that you will have a great relationship the likelihood that you're going to attract a great guy the likelihood that you're going to get a guy to fall in love with you and fall deeper in love with you the likelihood that you're going to get and reattract an ex back into your life that you really want to have the likelihood that you're going to have a great relationship where you feel in control where you have a lot of choice where you feel a lot of freedom and it is if you do the things that i talk about in the last live stream the make yourself so valuable he will do anything for you live stream so check that one out so hippie chick says been married him for 22 years when will you be home he answers when i get there where are you in my truck where writing down the road yeah i so it sounds like it sounds like what he needs is less right so if you're