 Hello my beautiful internet friends and welcome back today. We can celebrate my two-week post amputation anniversary Which I'm pretty excited for Question for you guys the winner will get a shout-out in my next video How long do you think it's been since I've showered take a look take a good look at the the grease level in my hair full Disclosure my friend Victoria did send me a box full of if you don't want to take a shower Use these products that I've definitely been using but how many days has it been since Joe has taken a shower? Comment down below moving on it has now been like I said two weeks since they took another piece of my body off of my body Never to be returned again, and that sounds dramatic. I understand that I don't think I talked about this That much before my latest surgery, but I was really freaked out about losing another piece of myself A little bit of background if you don't know a couple weeks ago now I had to have another amputation or a revision where they essentially Took another about an inch inch and a half of my leg away. It's for the good of things It's so that I can have a prosthetic leg It's so that I can walk maybe one day It's so that I will have less pain and it fixes a lot of issues But I still lost a piece of myself something was cut off of me never to be returned again I recorded this video before surgery. I haven't watched it back. I'm pretty emotional in it And this is what I was feeling about losing another piece of myself, you know It's it's weird thinking about walking into a hospital and having them literally cut off a piece of you And that really started messing with my mind a couple weeks before surgery and I'm glad now that it's over with I'm glad that I did it but This is what it felt like to lose another piece of myself I'm going to walk into a hospital again tomorrow morning at 5 a.m. and Go go into surgery and then come out with less of myself going back into a hospital to have More of my body taken off that I will never get back Like they're gonna cut off more of my bone and more of my skin and more of my tissue and Throw it away, and I'm never gonna have it back I'll walk out less than I was before like not not like less of a human being or worth any less That's not what I'm saying, but like I will walk out less than I walked in and Weirdly that's really affecting me weirdly. That's really hard to like wrap my head around I think it's more like the concept of it than anything like I'm really glad that they're gonna be fixing things I'm really glad that hopefully this will be a solution and an answer and a way to move forward And it's absolutely worth it because of that But holy shit like they're gonna cut off more of me that sounds like a weird torture method And I don't want to do it like there's a tiny little part of me. That's like, you know what I'm just gonna keep the parts of me I have left and Not that's a tiny part of me because I want to do things like walk But I'm really scared and I know like tomorrow morning I will be fine because I'm always fine before surgery and I'll smile at doctors and I'll be good to go I know why I'm doing this like I know how to put a good face on. I know how to Change my mindset. I just don't want to be doing this I'm so scared that it won't work that I'm not even like thinking about the possibility of it working or not I can't think about the possibility of it actually working because that hope is too painful. I'm not hopeless I'm just not actively choosing to participate in hope because I am terrified It's really weird to lose a piece of yourself guys this morning I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across this gal that I follow and I guess she had had some kind of procedure that had changed the shape Of her lips because she's like an influencer and she was talking about how she had had that procedure reversed because she was looking in the Mirror and didn't recognize herself and there was like so much discomfort in that it really caused issues in her life I read that and I was like that makes so much sense to me That's a really like you'd think that's a really small thing that like your lips looking slightly different But it's that's even a big deal and I'm gonna walk into a hospital tomorrow and have more of my leg taken off Never to be seen again something that's completely irreversible Something that I hope to God works. I want to keep what I have left. I want to keep me I don't like that. They're gonna like cut off more of my body So now we are two weeks past the event we are two weeks past them Cutting off a piece of my leg and my skin and my bone and my tissue and throwing it away And I can tell you that I'm okay I don't think it's that I built it up in my head to be more than it actually was I think that I just kind of needed to process those emotions. The end is worth the means I'm glad that I had this done I'm happy so far with the results. There have been a lot of weird complications that I've shared with you guys But hey, I'm here. I made it, but I did want to share with you guys What it was like to literally lose another piece of myself because that's not something that happens every day that's not something that everyone has to face and It was weird. It's uncomfortable And I think that there's a tiny little bit of a grieving process because it is a loss But honestly now that it's done, I'm alright and we will see where this journey leads next Also, make sure you comment how long you think it's been since I've taken a shower because the person who comments the correct number of days first We'll win and get a shout out in the next video. Thanks for listening to this video. I really appreciate it I love that you guys spent a few minutes of your day with me Thank you to my patrons who make these videos possible and who are so generous to me I love all of you guys. I'm thinking of you and I will see you in the next video Bye guys