 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar, and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News. In Indiana, a guy broke into an auto parts store by kicking a hole through a wall. A neighbor called police who arrived to find the man half in and half out of the hole. All that kicking must have really tired him out because he was also asleep when they found him. A new study finds that most extramarital affairs are carried on by older Americans. 17-year-old South Carolina high school student might spend a month in jail for assault and battery after he allegedly threw a paper airplane that struck a teacher in the eye. Georgetown County Sheriff's deputies arrested the teen at Andrews High School. Teacher Edward McIver told deputies that he was upset after getting hit by the airplane because he recently had eye surgery. He also told police that he and the student had had previous confrontations over the student's behavior and that something needs to be done. The student was charged with third degree assault and battery and was released from jail on bond. In case you missed that, you can now be arrested at school for throwing a paper airplane. Wow, so what, do you also get the death penalty if you stick gum underneath your desk? A newly developed smart tattoo can monitor the wearer's health. But aren't tattoos themselves the opposite of smart? A Princeton University study has found that 85% of all Americans say they feel happy every day. But if you are among the 15% who are stuck on gum, well try carrying around a few baby photos. The University of Wisconsin-Madison study reveals that looking at baby pictures activates a part of the brain that's associated with positive emotions. And if you're like me and you don't have any kids, well there's always Facebook where you can't get away from other people's baby pictures no matter how hard you try. Lindsay Lohan is asking everyone to stop bullying Donald Trump. This news update is brought to you by the Fruitcake Makers of America. Every now and then you're going to hear a story that makes you believe some things are just meant to be. Like how Lila Apostolo once asked to complete Stranger on Twitter to pretend to be her husband as a joke. And now, three years later, she has married him for real. Back in 2014, Lila posted, Are you a man? Can I borrow you for a wedding next weekend? Bonus points if you can source a baby that I can pretend is mine too. Well, Phil Gibson replied, taking the bait, saying he was available, quote, with a suit and everything, unquote. She replied, See you at the altar. Philip replied, It's a date. Just a date though, right? Well, he didn't actually end up going with her to her sister's wedding, but Lila and Phil did agree to meet up for a drink that week. Writing on her blog, Lila described how she tried to swat away the feeling that I was heading towards a moment that would change my life forever. But as it turns out, that feeling was totally right, and now the happy couple are married. South Korea is developing a public transportation train that travels 620 miles an hour. I would highly recommend you do not try to beat the train at the railroad crossings. Okay, here's the thing, if you do something stupid and illegal, don't use Snapchat as your confessional. In Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, two 18-year-olds, Logan Brooke Laramore and Farah Marie Lane have been arrested and charged with third-degree burglary after police found Snapchat videos that showed the girls trespassing in the middle of the night at the Myrtle Waves Water Park. The video allegedly shows Laramore and Lane enjoying themselves at the park about 4am last Saturday. Police say Laramore can be witnessed in one of the videos admitting to jumping the fence and stating that we went down all the slides. The teens are also accused of stealing a couple of Italian ices worth $8. Police were able to find the names of the girls through their Snapchat accounts and then track them down through DMV records. You know what, second thought, if you do something stupid and illegal, do use Snapchat as your confessional. It'll be easier for us to take you out of circulation. An elderly man in China was treated for a stroke after he binged on his favorite video game. The 84-year-old man was rushed to a hospital after his children found him partially paralyzed and unable to speak after playing a game on his laptop for hours. Do you hear that, kiddos? Gaming can kill you. According to a study released by Kimberly Clark, gas pump handles are the dirtiest surface that Americans encounter on the way to work. Which finally explains to me why biking to work might be the healthier option. This episode is brought to you by The Audio Book Inside the Mirrors by Jason R. Davis. Here are a free sample and support Marlar House by downloading The Audio Book for yourself at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. Sears is going to do a little more belt tightening, and they're going to close 43 more stores – 35 K-Barts and 8 Sears locations. Couldn't they save overhead costs by restocking their shelves with products from Walmart and Amazon.com? President Trump and Russia's leader Vladimir Putin met face-to-face for the first time Friday at the G20 conference and talked about a lot of topics, including what each one planned to buy on Amazon Prime Day. Robert Downey Jr. says that he will give up the Iron Man gig if it becomes embarrassing. So far, when depositing his paycheck, he has yet to be embarrassed. We've heard about a lot of really crazy excuses given to try and get out of speeding tickets before, but this might be the all-time dumbest. A driver in Western Australia told police it was the WINS fault after he was caught allegedly doing almost 80 miles per hour in a 70-mile per hour zone in his Holden Rodeo. On the citation shared on the Three Springs Police Twitter account, the officer wrote down the excuse exactly as the driver offered it. The wind was pushing me. You know, honestly, I kind of believe this guy. The only way a Holden Rodeo is going to get that fast is if it had a cyclone pushing it. Down in Georgia, Dina Everman was trying to sell her home. Without her knowledge, an entire family moved in and now the city says Dina can't kick them out. After discovering the squatters, she assumed that a quick call to the police would clear them out. To her horror, she discovered there is some archaic Georgia law that says if somebody sets up residence in your home, it doesn't matter how they get in there, they have rights until they are legally evicted, which can be a very long process. Tamara Pritchett is living in the home with her fiancé and two kids and say they found it listed for rent on Craigslist. They signed a lease by fax, paid their rent via money order, never saw the ad poster and only learned there was a problem when Everman called the police. Completely believable, right? Since this type of scam is being pulled by vagrants all over the country and while cities can easily pass laws to make it explicitly illegal, many just don't want to, as they see it as their voter base pulling one over on the man. Shia LaBeouf has been released from a Georgia jail after posting $7,000 bond on charges of public drunkenness. The 31-year-old actor was arrested at 4 a.m. Saturday by the Savannah Police Department and released. He is in the Savannah area filming his new movie, The Peanut Butter Falcon. So he was arrested in Georgia and I believe that was the only state left. A smart home device contacted local authorities of an Albuquerque, New Mexico suburb during an altercation between a man and his girlfriend. A county sheriff's spokesperson says the man reportedly took out a gun and threatened to kill his girlfriend during the dispute. The man said, Did you call the sheriffs? Well the device mistook the man's question for a command and alerted authorities. They were able to safely remove the girlfriend and daughter from the home and after an hours-long standoff, they took the man into custody. Thank you, Alexis. Now locate a bail bondsman for me. Jeremy Renner has suffered two fractures to his right arm and to his left wrist. It appeared to have happened when he tried to jump-line at the new Spider-Man movie. In an attempt to be more environmentally friendly, Adidas is introducing a running shoe made from vegan-friendly biodegradable materials that will literally melt away when you're done with them. It's bad enough you've got friends that make a big deal and tell the world that I'm a vegan. Now your shoes are going to be doing that too. The federal government revealed that several U.S. nuclear power plant corporate computers have been hacked by people sending in fake resumes. So as a result, they are now immediately destroying any resume coming from a Mr. Homer Simpson. A Florida woman who stopped to help car accident victims got a surprise when three men involved in the crash carjacked her convertible. Deputies say the car involved in that crash was also reported stolen. So the lesson here, never do anything nice for anybody. Well either that or don't talk to strangers, either way. Monday of this week it was the busiest train station in America, New York's Penn Station that began a two-month repair operation which is expected to cause some major problems for daily commuters. Even the rats have been rerouted. An erratic speeding driver let an Ohio officer on a brief pursuit. When police got him to pull over, he turned out to be a 10-year-old boy who took his parents' car without permission. The boy drove 11 miles to shop at a convenience store. I can only assume that was the closest place that sold his brand of candy cigarettes. Flights out of New York's JFK Airport are being delayed due to migrating turtles on the runway. They keep trying to move the turtles, but when doing so, airport workers keep being assaulted by four of the turtles wearing masks and brandishing ninja weapons. Police in Portland, Maine have captured a large lizard that's been on the loose in a residential neighborhood. Police say the lizard in Argentina black and white tegu was living under a shed. An animal control officer was able to capture the reptile in a net by using hard-boiled eggs as bait. They originally tried baiting it with buffalo chicken wings, but that only attracted lounge lizards. You can't see them, for the most part, but the average American home harbors about 100 types of insects and other creepy-crawly critters, according to researchers from North Carolina State University. Specifically, our homes provide harbor for diverse communities of flies, spiders and mites in nearly all rooms from the kitchen to the bedrooms. So how do these critters get into your house? Well, it's usually by accident, such as catching a ride on cut flowers or just wandering in through an open-door window or crevice. And they're not made to live indoors, though, so they don't typically live very long once they make it inside. In the meantime, though, I mean, look at the bright side. Even if you're single, you're never alone in the house. NASA says that it is learned the surface of Mars is far more uninhabitable than previously thought. Turns out that the atmosphere is so strong that bacteria are killed within seconds of exposure. On the plus side, no matter how hurt you get on Mars, you don't have to worry about a bacterial infection. A Florida woman was put into the backseat of a police cruiser and she told police it was hot. And why was she in the police cruiser? She left her child unattended in a hot car. Another job well done by Officer Karma. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is changing its name to I Can't Believe It's So Good For Everything. Apparently, their original name just wasn't lengthy enough. Never miss a single episode of The Daily Dose of Weird News. Download the free Marlar House mobile app. In the app, you can find links to my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Search other Marlar House YouTube videos. Sign up for the Marlar Sheet newsletter to automatically be registered for giveaways. Purchase Daily Dose of Weird News t-shirts or mugs. Download audiobooks off-darrated. See my latest blog posts and more. The Marlar House mobile app is free for iOS and Android users. Download it now by clicking the mobile app tab at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com or search for Marlar House in your phone app store. Philosopher Professor Eric Schwitzgebel of the University of California Riverside has dug in to the nature of jerks, or what he calls jerkitude, with a new essay that basically explains why jerks are the way they are. Genuine jerks, he explains, typically have a tough time realizing that they are jerks. If they try to assess themselves, they can rationalize all their jerky behavior as warranted against the idiots of the world. Therefore, the most reliable way to tell if you are a jerk is to look around. If you find yourself surrounded by fools, by boring nonities, by faceless masses and foes and suckers, yeah, you're probably the jerk. Or in my case, I'm completely normal, it's just that everybody around me is a complete moron. A recent study found that 73% of people sleep with their smartphone. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds very inappropriate. Golf ball diver Scott Leodick, who is recovering after being attacked by an alligator in a water hazard at a Florida course, says he survived by punching the gator in and around the eye. You see, watching the Three Stooges was actually good for something. How do you hear that, mom? A scathing obituary has shown up in the Cherokee Scout newspaper in North Carolina. The death notice for Cornelia June Rogers Miller was most unflattering in its depiction of the great-grandmother who, quote, died alone after a long battle with drug addiction and depression, unquote. The obit read, Drugs were a major love in her life as June had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. We speak for the majority of her family when we say her presence will not be missed by many. Very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. Yikes. Here's a lesson to be learned here, folks. Feel free to be mean to the entire world, but you'd better make an exception for the lady who writes the obituaries. Women can no longer wear sleeveless dresses at the House of Representatives. Female reporters and congressional staffers are also being forced to stop wearing open-toed shoes in order to enter the speaker's lobby outside the House chambers. No bare shoulders. No visible toes. Are they worried that members of Congress won't be able to control themselves and attempt to start nibbling? The survey says millennials plan to keep new cars for five years or less. Although, you know, the way they drive, I don't think they have much say in the matter. The study says the average baby boomer has less than half the money saved that they will need to retire. The good news is each will receive a participation trophy for trying. A Delta flight attendant hit an unruly passenger over the head with a wine bottle. Or as they call that on United, first class. The March of Dimes is selling their headquarters in New York for $13 million. Huh. I wonder if they'll donate it to charity. A 19-year-old California teen hit the lottery twice in a week for a take of over $655,000. As you might suspect, this has radically changed her plans for college. She's now thinking about upgrading to the mid-sized dormitory refrigerator. Billionaire inventor Elon Musk says the secret of solving LA's traffic woes is creating a series of underground tunnels. But wouldn't that destroy the natural environment of the endangered mole people? Americans will spend $100 billion on summer vacations this year, and that figures out to $1 for every are we there yet. A pet goldfish is no longer confined to four glass walls thanks to a robot designed by a team of students for the Build 18 Robotics Tournament held at Carnegie Mellon University. The robot moves according to the position of the fish relative to the middle, according to student Alex Kent. The concept of an animal-controlled robot is also reminding a lot of people of snuffles or snowball from Rick and Morty. But this bewildered fish doesn't seem to be lusting after world domination, at least not yet. This is terrifying, though. We are one step closer to Saturday Night Live's Land Shark becoming a reality. In recent China, a man who robbed a bank disguised as a tree entered the bank with branches and leaves taped to his body. After patiently waiting in line with fellow customers, the man made his move, ordering the bank cashier to fill a bag full of cash. Unfortunately for the suspect, he wasn't able to leave quickly enough and was captured by police. An Episcopalian priest driving on a Florida highway was arrested for pointing a gun at another driver. At the jailhouse, he tried to pass a collection plate to pay for his bail. Two bears chased after a runner who was training in Maine. Fortunately, he got away, but the bears won't get away. Authorities are tracking them down using the video of themselves the bears posted on their Facebook page. Two Oklahoma men were arrested after fighting over which is the better movie franchise — Star Wars or Star Trek. Which is stupid, because we all know Stargate SG-1 is better than both of them combined. A man was arrested after he walked around a Walmart store in Tep, Arizona, naked and carrying illegal drugs. When officers arrived, the man had moved across the street from the Walmart, wearing only a pair of shoes. I guess we know what he bought at Walmart then, huh? Disturbing question though, where does this guy keep his wallet? In Arlington, Texas, a suicidal man who had doused himself in gasoline became engulfed in flames after a police officer used a stun gun on him to protect and to serve medium rare. Five King Cobra snakes were seized by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents during a recent inspection of an express mail container at New York's JFK airport. Yeah, hello, headquarters. This is the agent in charge of JFK. We need you to get Samuel L. Jackson down here, stat! Two weeks after the new legalization laws kicked off in Nevada, stores are running out of pot, prompting Governor Brian Sandoval to endorse the Department of Taxation's Statement of Emergency, which would allow for more licensed distributors. That's right, it's now officially a state of emergency if you run out of pot. Tuesday was 7-Eleven's 90th birthday, however, technically speaking, those hot dogs on the grill were only 87. North Korea sure knows how to celebrate the successful launch of their first intercontinental ballistic missile. By order of Kim Jong-un himself, they put on a big concert, replete with pop music and thunderous applause. Among the musical numbers performed were Song of Hoseong Rocket and Make Others Envious. Yay! North Korean missiles, the musical! President Trump's first meeting with Queen Elizabeth has been pushed off until next year. My guess is that's as much as she could get away with at the time. Just a warning for ya, fake Nintendo Classic Edition consoles have been popping up on eBay. One clue to if it's a fake is to see if the word classic is spelled with a K. Black China has been granted a restraining order against her ex, Rob Kardashian. You know what? I love this idea. You should all file for a restraining order against anyone named Kardashian. A dog has been reunited with its owners after spending nine months including winter in the mountains of Idaho. The dog had taken off for the hills when it was initially named in a federal investigation of organized trash can tippings. Longtime puppeteer and voice of Kermit the Frog, Steve Whitmire, is reportedly no longer involved with the Muppets. A guy named Matt Vogel will be the new voice for Kermit the Frog. Okay, so Steve is just not doing the voice anymore. I was fully expecting to hear he had croaked. Over American Idol contestant Hailey Reinhart was arrested early Saturday following an altercation at a bar outside Chicago. I'm told she was singing karaoke and was arrested for making terrorist threats. The key to turning a dairy cow into a cash cow is happiness. Give her a bigger stall, increase air circulation and provide some shelter to prevent overheating. That's according to a University of Wisconsin study that focuses on making dairy cows happier so they provide more milk. So if you are the husband of a new baby mom, be sure to give your wife a bigger stall. No, seriously, there is a movement underway to get Dwayne The Rock Johnson to run for president in 2020. North Korea is looking more like a utopia every day. Coffee has been linked to a decrease in the risk of death. However, taking cuts in the line at Starbucks has an opposite effect. In a new interview, David Letterman says he is tired of all the talk about President Trump's incompetence. He'd like America to just stop whining about what a goon he is and figure out a way to take him aside and put him in a home. Which ironically is exactly what many of us have been saying about David Letterman for years. You might say the speech JP Nadal gave at his daughter's wedding in an apple orchard in Woodstock, New Brunswick, Canada was electrifying. That's because right after he began speaking, he got struck by a lightning. Nadal later said that the power went through the mic cord and it was like I had a bolt of lightning in my hand. Moments later, a heavy downpour started and guests ran for shelter. Nadal, who was shaken up but fortunately not injured apart from a scorch mark on his thumb, he says the rest of the day went smoothly, though people were coming around wondering why I was still alive. Asked whether he thought it could have been a sign from above, he said there is a rumor that goes around that if it rains or thunders on your wedding day, it's a good sign. And if you're struck by lightning, that's good luck, too. I'll stick with the rabbit's foot, thank you. News has leaked that Quentin Tarantino is working on a movie about Charles Manson. To be historically accurate, Tarantino is actually going to have to tone down his usual violence. The cast of Jersey Shore is reportedly filming a secret reunion episode. You know, it'd be even better if they hadn't told us about it and it remained a secret. Forever. Parks Associates say that 59% of U.S. broadband households subscribe to Netflix, Amazon or Hulu. Should I be worried if I'm subscribed to all three? Liam Hemsworth released a photo of his fiance, Miley Cyrus, calling her his little angel. Meaning Liam has never seen any of Miley's concerts, videos or heard any of her songs. President Donald Trump has been party to an eye-watering 4,000 lawsuits over the last 30 years. And of course, they keep coming. But this might be one of the more unusual ones. Many people are suing the president for blocking them on Twitter. The lawsuit was filed by the Knight First Amendment Institute, it's a free speech group at Columbia University. The seven Twitter users involved claim their accounts were blocked by the president, or his aides, after they replied to his tweets with mocking or critical comments. They're arguing that by blocking them, President Trump has effectively barred them from joining the online conversation. Whereas they believe he has attempted to, quote, suppress dissent, unquote, in a public forum, which they think is a violation of their First Amendment right to free speech. If blocking people on Twitter is a violation of others' rights, we are all going to jail. The city of Manchester in the UK is going to make Ariana Grande an honorary citizen for her response to that terror attack earlier this year. That's nice of you, but I would highly recommend during the celebration that you not have donuts within reach of her tongue. After all those rumors, Jesse Williams and Minka Kelly have finally gone public with their relationship. I guess that would mean something if I knew who Jesse Williams and Minka Kelly were. The airline India Air is for sale. He comes complete with five subsidiaries and $8 billion in debt. And for 7-Eleven's, unattractive dweebs are more likely than bona fide babes to consider themselves chick magnets, according to a report in Psychological Science. Researchers put 200 college students through a speed-meeting experiment, and the less handsome men were more likely to think beautiful women were into them, while the cuter guys had a more realistic assessment of their standings. So flirt cautiously, ladies, dorky dudes may overestimate your interest. The Vatican has said no to requests for gluten-free wafers at communion. Because while Jesus does care about your salvation and loving others, it's equally important that you remember him by eating bread that you're allergic to. A 110-year-old woman in Texas says the secret to her longevity is eating spicy food. Okay, that makes it official, my wife is going to outlive me. And possibly live forever. One analyst says that Amazon is slowly but surely killing Black Friday, with better deals available all year long. And that I say, thank you, Amazon! Daniel Craig is said to be getting closer to signing on for a fifth James Bond movie. Which flies in the face of what he's been saying the past few years that he'd rather kill himself than play 007 again. I guess he'll die another day. A 53-year-old Florida man called 911 six times, he allegedly asked police in Sebastian to harass him so he could sue them for harassment. Well, instead, the officers who responded arrested him for abuse of 911. The man still has a shot though, I mean this is 2017 when you can sue people for anything, even for doing their jobs. A New Jersey couple that recently lost their daughter to lupus received a stroke of good fortune as they helped raise their three grandchildren. On March 31st, they struck it big when their Mega Millions ticket matched all five white balls drawn, earning them $1 million, which should be just enough to feed all five of them for the next two months. Please support my channel by sharing the daily dose of weird news on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and other social networks. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up and be sure to subscribe if you want to see more. Click that little bell icon next to the subscribe button to be notified when I post new videos. Find even more weird news that I didn't have time for at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. I'm Darren Marlar and I'll see you next time, Weirdos!