 Book 5 Chapter 3 of Camilla, Mr. Tyrell saw at first the renewed visits of Edgar at Cleves with extreme satisfaction, but while all his hopes were alive from an intercourse almost perpetual, he perceived with surprise and perplexity that his daughter became more and more pensive after each interview, and as Edgar this evening quitted the house, he observed tears start into her eyes as she went upstairs to her own room. Alarmed and disappointed, he thought it now high time to investigate the state of the affair and to encourage or prevent future meetings as it appeared to him to be propitious or hopeless. Penetrated with the goodness while lamenting the indifference of Edgar, Camilla had just reached her room when, as she turned round to shut the door, Mr. Tyrell appeared before her. Hastily, with the back of her hand brushing off the tears from her eyes, she said, May I go to my uncle, sir? Can my uncle admit me? You can always admit you, he answered, but just now you must forget him a moment and consign yourself to your father. He then entered, shut the door, and making her sit down by him said, What is the sorrow that assails my Camilla? Why is the light heart of my dear and happy child thus dejected? Each and truth were always one with Camilla, who, as she could not in this instance declare what were her feelings, remained mute and confounded. Hesitate not, my dear girl, cried he kindly, to unbuzzle your griefs or your apprehensions, where they will be received with all the tenderness due to such a confidence and held sacred from every human inspection unless you permit me yourself to entrust your best and wisest friend. Camilla now trembled, but could not even attempt to speak. He saw her disorder and presently added, I will forbear to probe your feelings when you have satisfied me in one doubt. Is the sadness I have of late remarked in you the effect of a secret personal disturbance or of disappointed expectation? Camilla could neither answer nor look up. She was convinced by this question that the subject of her melancholy was understood and felt wholly overcome by the deeply distressing confusion with which wounded pride and unaffected virgin monesty impress a youthful female in the idea of being suspected of a misplaced or unrequited partiality. Her silence, a suffocating sigh, and her earnest endeavor to hide her face easily explained to Mr. Tyrell's all that passed within. And respecting rather than wishing to conquer a shame flowing from fearful delicacy. I will spare you, he said, all investigation whatever. Could I be certain you are not called into any action? But in that case I know not that I can justify to myself so implicit a confidence in youth and inexperience so untried in difficulties, so unused to evil or embarrassment as yours. Tell me then, my dear Camilla. Do you sigh under the weight of any disingenuous conduct? Or do you suffer from some suspense which you have no means of terminating? Oh, my dear father, no! cried she, sinking upon his breath. I have no suspense! She gasped for breath. And how has it been removed, my child, said Mr. Tyrell in a mournful tone. Was any deception, any ungenerous art, oh no, no, he is incapable, he is superior. She stopped abruptly, shot at the avowal these few words at once inferred of her partiality of its hopelessness and of its object. She walked confused to a corner of the room and leaning against the wainscot enveloped her face in her handkerchief with the most painful sensations of shame. Mr. Tyrell remained in deep meditation. Her regard for Edgar he had already considered as undoubted, and her undisguised acknowledgment excited his tender sympathy. But to find she thought it without return and without hope penetrated him with grief. Not only his fond view of the attacksons of his daughter but all he had observed, even from his childhood in Edgar, had induced him to believe she was irresistibly formed to captivate him. And what had lately passed had seemed a confirmation of all he had expected. Camilla nevertheless exculpated him from all blame, and while touched by her artlessness and honouring her truth he felt at least some consolation to find that Edgar, who he loved as a son, was untainted by deceit, unaccused of any evil. He concluded that some unfortunate secret entanglement or some mystery not yet to be developed directed compulsorily his conduct and checked the dictates of his taste and inclination. Gently, at length, approaching her, my dearest child, he said, I will ask you nothing further, all that is absolutely essential for me to know I have gathered. You will never, I am certain, forget the noble mother whom you are bound to revere in imitating, nor the affectionate father whom your ingeniousness renders the most indulgent of your friends. Dry up your tears then, my Camilla, and command your best drink to conceal forever their source and most especially from its cause. He then embraced and left her. Yes, my dearest father, cried she as she shut the door, most perfect and most lenient of human beings, yes, I will obey your dictates. I will hide till I can conquer this weak emotion, and no one shall ever know an Edgar least of all that a daughter of yours has a feeling she ought to disguise. Elevated by the kindness of a father so adored to deserve his good opinion now included every wish, the least severity would have chilled her confidence, the least reproof would have discouraged all effort to self-conquest. But while his softness had soothed, his approbation had invigorated her, and her feelings received additional energy from the conscious generosity with which she had represented Edgar as blameless. Blameless however, in her own breast she could not deem him. His looks, his voice, his manner, words that occasionally dropped from him and meanings yet more expressive which his eyes or his attentions had taken in charge, all from time to time had total flattering tale which though timidity and anxious earnestness had obscured from her perfect comprehension, her hopes and her sympathy had prevented from wholly escaping her. Yet what internally could she not defend she forgave, and acquitting him of all intentional deceit concluded that what he had felt for her he had thought too slight and immaterial to deserve repressing on his own part or notice on hers. To continue with him in her present sisterly conduct was all she had to study, not doubting but that what is yet was effort would in time become natural. Strengthened thus in fortitude she descended cheerfully to supper, where Mr. Tyrell though he saw with pain that her spirits were constrained felt the fondest satisfaction in the virtue of her exertion. Her night passed in the consolation of self-applause. My dear father thought she will see that I strive to merit his lenity and that soothing consideration with the honorable friendship of Edgar will be sufficient for the happiness of my future life in the single and tranquil state in which it will be spent. Thus comforted she again met the eye of Mr. Tyrell the next day at breakfast in the midst of which repast Edgar entered the parlor. The tea she was drinking was then rather gulped than sipped yet she maintained an air of unconcern and returned his salutation with apparent composure. Edgar while addressing to Mr. Tyrell his inquiries concerning Sir Hugh saw from the window his servant whom he had outgalloped thrown with violence from his horse. He rushed out of the parlor and the first person to rise with involuntary intent to follow him was Camilla. As she reached the hall door she saw that the man was safe and perceived that her father was the only person who had left the room besides herself. Ashamed she returned and found the female party collected at the windows. Hoping to retrieve the error of her eagerness she seated herself at the table and affected to finish her breakfast. Eugenia told her they had discovered the cause of the accident which had been owing to a sharp stone that had penetrated into the horse's boot. Eugen while Edgar was now endeavouring to extract. A gentle scream just then from the window party and a cry from Eugenia of oh Edgar carried her again to the hall door with the swiftness of lightning calling out where what oh good heaven. Molly Mill accidentally there before her said as she approached that the horse had kicked Mr. Mandelbear upon the shoulder. Everything but tenderness and terror was now forgotten by Camilla. She darted forward with unrestrained velocity and would have given in a moment the most transporting amazement to Edgar and herself the deepest shame but that Mr. Tyrol who alone had his face that way stopped and led her back into the house saying there is no mischief. A bee stung the poor animal at the instant the stone was extracted and the surprise and pain made it kick but fortunately without any bad effect. I wish to know how your uncle is. I should be glad. You would go and sit with him till I can come. With these words he left her and though abashed and overset she found no sensation so powerful as joy for the safety of Edgar. Still however too little at ease for conversing with her uncle she went straight to her own chamber and flew involuntarily to a window whence the first object that met her eyes was her father who was anxiously looking up. She retreated utterly confounded and threw herself upon a chair at the other end of the room. Shame now was her only sensation. The indiscretion of her first surprise she knew he must forgive, though she blushed at its recollection. But a solicitude so pertinacious and indulgent so repeated of feelings he had enjoined her to combat, how could she hope for his pardon or how obtain her own to have forfeited and approbation so precious. She could not go to her uncle. She would have remained where she was still summoned to dinner if the housemaid after finding all her other work had not a third time returned to inquire if she might clean her room. She then determined to repair to the library where she was certain only to encounter Eugenia who would not torment or Dr. Orkborn who would not perceive her. But at the bottom of the stairs she was stopped by Miss Margland who with a malicious smile asked if she was going to hold the basin. What basin? Cried she surprised. The basin for the surgeon. What surgeon? Replied she alarmed. Mr. Burton who has come to bleed Miss Amanda Bear. She asked nothing more. She felt extremely faint but made her way into the park to avoid further conference. Here in the most painful suspense dying for information yet shirking whoever could give it to her she remained till she saw the departure of the surgeon. She then went round by the back way to the apartment of Eugenia who informed her that the contusion though not dangerous was violent and that Mr. Tyrose had insisted upon immediate bleeding. The surgeon had assured them that this precaution would prevent any ill consequence but Sir Hugh hearing from the servants what had happened had desired that Edgar would not return home till the next day. The joy of Camilla that nothing was more serious banished all that was disagreeable from her thoughts till she was called back to reflection less consoling by meeting Mr. Tyrose as she was returning to her own room. Who with a gravity unusual desire to speak with her and proceeded her into the chamber. Trembling and filled with shame she followed shut the door and remained at it without daring to look up. My dear Camilla cried he with earnestness let me not hope in vain for that exertion you have promised me and to which I know you to be fully equal risk not my dear girl to others those outward marks of sensibility which to common or unfeeling observers seem but the effect of an unbecoming remissness in the self command which should dignify every female who would do herself honor. I had hoped in this house at least you would not have been misunderstood but I have this moment been on deceit Miss Margeline has just expressed a species of compassion for what she presumes to be the present state of your mind that has given me the severest pain. He stopped for Camilla look thunderstruck approaching her then with a look of concern and a voice of tenderness he kindly took her hand and added I do not tell you this in this pleasure but to put you upon your guard you will hear from Eugenia that we shall not dine alone and from what I have dropped you will gather how little you can hope to escape scrutiny exert yourself to obviate all humiliating surmises and you will happily be repaid by the bomb of self approbation. He then kissed her and quitted the room she now remained in utter despair the least idea of disgrace totally broke her spirit and she sat upon the same spot on which Mr Tyrell had left her till the ringing of the second dinner bell she then gloomily resolved to plead a headache and not to appear when a footman tapped at her door to acquaint her everybody was seated at the table she sent down this excuse forming to herself the further determination that the same should suffice for the evening and for the next morning that she might avoid the sight of Acre in presence either of her father or Miss Margulin. Eugenia with kind alarm came to know what was the matter and informed her that Sir Hugh had been so much concerned at the accident of Acre that he had insisted upon seeing him and after heartily shaking hands I promised to think no more of past mistakes and disappointments as they had now been cleared up to the county and desired him to take upon his abode at Cleaves for a week. Camilla heard this with mixed pleasure and pain she rejoiced that Eger should be upon his former terms with her beloved uncle but how preserved the caution demanded from her for so long a period in the constant sight of her now watchful father and the malicious Miss Margulin. She had added to her own difficulties by this present absconding and with severe self-flame resolved to descend to tea but while settling how to act after her sister had left her she was struck with hearing the name of Mandelbeer pronounced by Mary the housemaid who was talking with Molly Mill upon the landing plate why have been spoken she knew not but Molly answered do you mean ever mind I'll help you do his room if nanny don't come in time my little mistress through that or do it herself then he should want for anything why it's natural enough said Mary for young ladies to like young gentlemen and there's none other comes and I am which I often thinks dull enough for our young missus and to be certain Mr. Mandelbeer would be as pretty a match for one of them as a body could desire and his man said Molly is a pretty a gentleman sort of person to my mind as his master I'm sure I'm as glad as my young lady when they comes to the house oh as the Miss Eugene he said Mary I believe in my conscience she likes our cracketed old doctor as well as their young gentlemen in christian then for they'll still sit with him hour by hour pouring over such a heap of stuff it's never with seed reading first one then to other oh god knows what for I believe never nobody heard the like of it before and all the time never did give the old doctor a cross word she never give nobody a cross word interrupted Molly if I was Mr. Mandelbeer I'd turn and have her than any of them for all she's such a niddling little thing over certain said Mary she's very good and a deal good she does to all as asked her oh but miss Camilla for my money she's all alive and marry and makes poor master young again to look at her I wish Mr. Mandelbeer would have her for I have overheard miss margeline telling miss line mirror she was desperate bond to him and did all she could to get him Camilla felt flush with the deepest resentment and could scarcely command herself to forbear charging miss margeline with this persecuting cruelty nanny the under house may now just joining them said that she had been detained to finish altering a curtain for miss margeline and the cross old frump she added isn't a worse spite than ever and she kept abusing that sweet miss Mandelbeer to miss linmar all the while so she went down to dinner and she said she was sure it was miss Camilla's doings has staying here again for she could come over master for anything and she said she supposed it was to have another catch at the young squire's heart but she hoped he would not be such a fool I'm sure I wished he would cried Molly mill he was only despite her she's such a nasty old viper and miss Camilla is always so good-natured and so admirable she'd make him a very agreeable wife I dare say and she's mortal fond of him that's true said Mary for when I was both here I always see her run into the window to see who was a coming into the park when he rode out and when he was in the house she never so much as went to peep if there had come six horses one after the other and she was always saying Mary is in the parlor Mary who's below while he was here but before he come do's a bit did she ask about nobody I like when I meet her says Molly mill to tell her Mr. Mandelbeer's here miss or Mr. Mandelbeer's there miss dear me one may almost see oneself in her eyes it makes them shine so Camilla could endure no more she arose and walked about the room and the maids who had concluded her at dinner hearing her step hurried away to finish their gossiping in the room of Mandelbeer Camilla now felt holy sunk the persecutions of miss margeline seemed nothing to this blow they were cruel she could therefore repine at them they were unprovoked she could therefore repel them but to find her secret feelings thus generally spread and familiarity commented upon from her own unguarded conduct exhausted at once patience fortitude and hope and left her no wish but to quit please while Eger should remain there certain however that her father would not permit her to return to ethrington alone a visit to miss Arlbury was the sole refuge she could suggest and she determined to solicit his permission to accept immediately the invitation of that lady end of chapter three recording by Linda book five chapter four of Camilla this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Nadine Godboulay Camilla or a picture of youth by Fanny Burney book five chapter four a dodging Camilla waited in the apartment of Mr Tyrehold till he came upstairs and then begged his leave to spend a few days at the grove hinting when he hesitated though with a confusion that was hardly short of torture at what had passed amongst the servants he heard her with the tenderest pity and the kindest praise of her sincerity and deeply as he was shocked to find her thus generally betrayed he was too compassionate to point out at so suffering a moment the indiscretions from which such observations must have originated yet he saw consequences the most unpleasant in this rumor of her attachment and though he still privately hoped that the behavior of Mannel Bird was the effect of some transient embarrassment he wished her removed from all intercourse with him that was not sought by himself while the insurtitude of his intentions militated against her struggles for indifference the result therefore of a short deliberation was to exceed to her request Camilla then wrote her proposition to Mrs Albury which Mr Tyrehold sent immediately by a stable boy of the baronets the answer was most obliging Mrs Albury said she would herself fetch her the next morning and keep her till one of them should be tired the relief which this at first brought to Camilla in the weeks exertions it would spare was soon succeeded by the most acute uneasiness for the critical situation of Eugenia and the undoubted disapprobation of Edgar to quit her sister at a period where she might serve her to forsake cleaves at the moment Edgar was restored to it seemed selfish even to herself and to him must appear unpardonable alas she cried how forever I repent my hasty actions why have I not better struggled against my unfortunate feelings she now almost hated her whole scheme regretted its success wished herself suffering every uneasiness miss margeline could inflict and all the shame of being watched and pitted by every servant in the house in preference to deserting Eugenia and making Menderbird deem her unworthy but self-abraiding was all that followed her conviction Mrs Albury was to fetch her by appointment and it was now too late to trifle with the conceding goodness of her father she did not dare excuse herself from appearing at breakfast the next morning lest Mr Tyrol should think her utterly incorrigible to his exaltations Edgar earnestly inquired after her health as she entered the room she slightly answered she was better and began eating with an apparent eagerness of appetite while he who had expected some kind words upon his own accident surprised and disappointed could swallow nothing Mr Tyrol seeing and pitting what passed in her mind gave her a commission that enabled her soon to live the room without affectation and happy to escape she determined to go downstairs no more till Mrs Albury arrived she wished to have conversed first upon the affairs of Eugenia with Edgar but to name to him whether she was herself going when she could not possibly name why to give to him a surprise that must recoil upon herself in disapprobation was more than she could endure she had invested him with full powers to counsel and to censor her he would naturally use them to dissuade her from a visit so ill timed and what could she urge in opposition to his arguments what would not seem trifling or willful the present moment was all that occupied the present evil all that ever alarmed the breast of Camilla to avoid him therefore now was the whole of her desire un molested with one anxiety how she might better meet him hereafter she watched at her window till she saw the groom of Mrs Albury gallop into the park she hastened then to take leave of Sir Yu whom Mr Tyrol had prepared for her departure but at the door of his apartment she encountered Edgar you're going out cried he perceiving an alteration in her dress I am just going to to speak to my uncle cried she stammering and entering the room at the same moment Sir Yu kindly wished her much amusement and hoped she would make him long immense when he was better she took leave but again on the landing place met Edgar who anxious and perplexed watched to speak to her before she descended the stairs eagerly advancing do you walk he cried may I ask or am I indiscreet she answered she had something to say to Eugenia but should be back in an instant she then flew to the chamber of her sister and conjured her to consult Edgar in whatever should occur during her absence Eugenia solemnly consented Jacob presently tapped at the door to announce that Mrs Albury was waiting below in her carriage how to pass or escape Edgar became now her greatest difficulty she could suggest nothing to palliate to him the step she was taking he had could still let spare to leave him to wild conjecture and certain blame and she was standing irresolute and thoughtful when mr Tywald came to summon her after mildly representing the indecorum of detaining anyone she was to receive by appointment he took her apart and putting a packet into her hand I would not he said agitate your spirits this morning by entering upon any topic that might disturb you I have therefore put upon paper what I most desire you to consider you will find it a little sermon upon the difficulties and the conduct of the female heart read it alone and with attention and now my dearest girl go quietly into the parlor and let one brief and cheerful good morrow serve for everybody alike he then returned to his brother she made Eugenia accompany her downstairs to avoid any solitary attack from Edgar he suffered them to pass but followed to the parlor where she hastily bid at you to miss marguland and indiana but was stopped from running off by the former who said I wish I had no new intended going out for a design asking Sir Hugh for the chariot for myself this morning to make a very particular visit Camilla in a hesitating voice said she should not use her uncle's chariot you walk then no ma'am but there is there is a carriage I believe now at the door oh dear who's cried indiana do pray tell me where you are going while Edgar still more curious than either held out his hand to conduct her that he might obtain better information I am very glad your headache is so well said miss marguland but pray is mr mendelbert to be a chaperone they both blushed though both affected not to hear her but before they could quit the room indiana who had run to a bow window exclaimed dear if there is not mrs orbury in a beautiful high Edgar astonished was now as involuntarily drawing back as Camilla involuntarily was hurrying on but miss marguland insisting upon an answer desired to know if she should return to dinner she stammered out no miss marguland pursued her to ask at what time the chariot was to fetch her and forced from her a confession that she should be away for some days she was now permitted to proceed Edgar impressed with the deepest displeasure leading her in silence across the hall but stopping an instant at the door this excursion he gravely said will rescue you from no little intended opportunity I had purpose to menting you from time to time for your opinion and directions with respect to miss eugenia and then bowing coldly to mrs orbury who eagerly called out to welcome her he placed her in the faton which instantly drove off he looked after them for some time almost incredulous of her departure but as his amazement subsided into certainty the most indignant disappointment succeeded that she could leave cleaves at the very moment he was reinstated in its society seemed conviction to him of her indifference and that she could leave it in the present state of the affairs of eugenia made him conclude her so great a slave to the love of pleasure that every duty and all propriety were to be sacrificed to its pursuit I will think of her cried he no more she concealed from me her plan lest I should torment her with admonitions the glaring homage of the major is better adapted to her taste she flies from my sincerity to receive his adulation I have been deceived in her disposition I will think of her no more end of chapter four book five chapter five of camilla this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org camilla or a picture of youth by fanny bernie chapter five a sermon the kind reception of mrs orbury and all the animation of her discourse were thrown away upon camilla an absent smile and a few faint acknowledgments of her goodness were all she could return eugenia abandoned when she might have been served edgar condemning what he might have been approving these were the images of her mind which resisted entrance to all other tired of fruitless attempts to amuse her mrs albury upon their arrival at the grove conducted her to an apartment prepared for her and made use of no persuasion that she would leave it before dinner camilla then too unhappy to fear any injunction and resigned to whatever she might receive read the discourse of mr tirrold formus camilla tirrold it is not my intention to enumerate my dear camilla the many blessings of your situation your heart is just and affectionate and will not forget them i mean but a place before you your immediate duties satisfied that the review will ensure their performance unused to because undeserving control your days to this period have been as gay as your spirits it is now first that your tranquility is ruffled it is now therefore that your fortitude has its first debt to pay for its hitherto happy exemption those who weigh the calamities of life only by the positive the substantial or the irremediable mischiefs which they produce regard the first sorrows of early youth as too trifling for compassion they do not enough consider that it is the suffering not its abstract cause which demands human commiseration the man who loses his whole fortune yet possesses firmness philosophy a disdain of ambition and an accommodation to circumstances is less an object of contemplative pity than the person who without one real deprivation one actual evil is first or is suddenly forced to recognize the fallacy of a cherished and darling hope that its foundation has always been shallow is no mitigation of disappointment to him who had only viewed it in its superstructure nor is its downfall less terrible to its visionary elevator because others have seen it from the beginning as a folly or a chimera its dissolution should be estimated not by its romance in the unimpassioned examination of a rational looker on but by its believe promise of felicity to its credulous projector is my Camilla in this predicament had she wove her own destiny in the speculation of her wishes alas to blame her i must first forget that delusion while in force has all resemblance of reality and takes the same hold upon the faculties as truth nor is it till the spell is broken till the perversion of reason and error of judgment become willful that scorn or to point its finger or censure its severity but of this i have no fear the love of right is implanted indelibly in your nature and your own peace is a dependent on mine and as your mother's upon its constant culture your conduct the two has been committed to yourself satisfied with establishing your principles upon the adamantine pillars of religion and conscience we have not feared leaving you the entire possession of general liberty nor do i mean to withdraw it though the present state of your affairs and what for some time past i have painfully observed your precipitance obliged me to add partial counsel to standing precept and exhortation to advice i shall give them however with diffidence fairly acknowledging and blending my own perplexities with yours the temporal destiny of woman is in rapt and still more impenetrable obscurity than that of man she begins her career by being involved in all the worldly accidents of a parent she continues it by being associated in all that may involve in a husband and the difficulties arising from this doubly appendent state are augmented by the next to impossibility that the first dependence should pave the way for the ultimate what parent yet has been gifted with the foresight to say i will educate my daughter for the station to which she shall belong let us even suppose that a station to be fixed by himself rarely is the chances of life authorize such a presumption his daughter all duty and the partner of his own selection solicitous of the alliance is he at all more secure he has provided even for her external welfare what in this sub-lunary existence is the state from which she shall neither rise nor fall who shall say that in a few years a few months perhaps less the situation in which the prosperity of his own views has placed her may not change for one more humble than he has fitted her for enduring or more exalted than he has accomplished her full sustaining the conscience indeed of the father is not responsible for events but the infallicity of the daughter is not less a subject of pity again if none of these outward and obvious vicissitudes occur the proper education of a female either for use or for happiness is still to seek still a problem beyond human solution since its refinement or its negligence can only prove to her a good or an evil according to the humor of the husband into whose hand she may fall if fashioned to shine in the great world he may deem the metropolis all turbulence if endowed with every resource for retirement he may think the country distasteful and though her talents her requirements may in either of these cases be set aside with an only silent regret of wasted youth and application the turn of mind which they have induced the appreciation which they have taught of time of pleasure or of utility will have nurtured inclinations and opinions not so ductile to new sentiments and employments and either submission becomes a hardship or resistance generates dissension if such are the parental embarrassments against which neither wisdom nor experience can guard who should view the filial without sympathy and tenderness you have been brought up my child without any specific expectation your mother and myself mutually deliberating upon the uncertainty of the female fate determined to educate our girls with as much simplicity as is compatible with instruction as much facility for various life as may accord with invariable principles and as much accommodation with the world at large as may combine with a just distinction of selected society we hoped thus should your lots be elevated to secure you from either exalting arrogance or bashful insignificance or should they as is more probable be lowly to instill into your understandings and characters such a portion of intellectual vigor as should make you enter into an humbler scene without debasement helplessness or repining it is now camilla we must demand your exertions in return let not these cares to fit you for the world as you may find it be utterly annihilated from doing you good by the uncombatted sway of an unavailing however well placed attachment we will not hear canvas the equity of that freedom by which women as well as men should be allowed to dispose of their own affections there cannot in nature in theory nor even in common sense be a doubt of their equal right but disquisitions on this point will remain rather curious than important till the speculatist can super induce to the abstract truth of the position some proof of its practicability meanwhile it is enough for every modest and reasonable young woman to consider that where there are two parties choice can belong only to one of them and then let her call upon all her feelings of delicacy all her notions of propriety to decide since man must choose woman or woman man which should come forward to make the choice which should retire to be chosen a prepossession directed towards a virtuous and deserving object wears in its first approach the appearance of a mere tribute of justice to merit it seems therefore too natural perhaps too generous to be considered either as a folly or a crime it is only its encouragement where it is not reciprocal that can make it incur the first epithet or where it ought not to be reciprocal that can brand it with the second with respect to this last I know of nothing to apprehend with regard to the first I grieve to wound my dearest Camilla yet where there has been no subject for complaint there can have been none for expectation struggle then against yourself as you would struggle against an enemy refuse to listen to a wish to dwell even upon a possibility that opens to your present idea of happiness all that in future may be realized probably hangs upon this conflict I mean not to propose to you in the course of a few days to reinstate yourself in the perfect security of a disengaged mind I know too much of the human heart to be ignorant that the acceleration or delay must depend upon circumstance I can only require from you what depends upon yourself a steady and courageous warfare against the new dangerous underminers of your peace and of your fame imprudence and impatience you have champions with which to encounter them that cannot fail of success good sense and delicacy good sense will show you the power of self-conquest and point out its means it will instruct you to curb those unguarded movements which lay you open to the strictures of others it will talk to you of those boundaries which custom forbids your sex to pass and the hazard of any individual attempt to transgress them it will tell you that we're allowed only a negative choice it is your own best interest to combat against a positive wish it will bid you by constant occupation vary those thoughts that now take but one direction and multiply those interests which now recognize but one object and it will soon convince you that it is not strength of mind which you want but reflection to obtain a strict and unremitting control over your passions this last word will pain but let it not shock you you have no passions my innocent girl at which you need blush though enough at which I mistremble for in what consists your constraint your forbearance your wish is your guide your impulse is your action alas never yet was mortal created so perfect that every wish was virtuous or every impulse wise does a secret murmur hear demand if a discerning predilection is no crime why internally at least may it not be cherished whom can it injure or offend that in the hidden recesses of my own breast I nourish superior preference of superior worth this is the question with which every young woman beguiles her fancy this is the common but seductive opiate with which inclination lulls reason the answer may be safely comprised in a brief appeal to her own breast I do not desire her to be insensible to merit I do not even demand that she should confine her social affections to her own sex since the most innocent esteem is equally compatible though not equally general with ours I require for simply that in her secret hours when pride has no dominion and disguise would answer no purpose she will answer herself this question could I calmly hear that this elect of my heart was united to another were I to be informed that the indissoluble knot was tied which annihilates all my own future possibilities with the news occasionally no affliction this and this alone is the test by which she may judge the danger or the harmlessness of her attachment I have now endeavored to point out the obligations which you may owe to a good sense your obligations to delicacy will be but the consequence delicacy is an attribute so peculiarly feminine that were your reflections less agitated by your feelings you could delineate more distinctly than myself its appropriate laws its minute exactions its sensitive refinements here therefore I seek but to bring back to your memory what livelier sensations have inadvertently driven from it you may imagine in the innocence of your heart that what you would rather perish than utter can never since untold be suspected and at present I am equally sanguine in believing no surmise to have been conceived where most it would shock you yet credit me when I assure you that you can make no greater mistake than to suppose that you have any security beyond what sedulously you must earn by the most indefatigable vigilance there are so many ways of communication independent of speech that silence is but one point in the ordinances of discretion you have nothing in so modest a character to apprehend from vanity or presumption you may easily therefore continue the guardian of your own dignity but you must keep in mind that our perceptions want but little quickening to discern what may flatter them and it is mutual to either sex to be to no gratification so alive as to that of a conscious sentence over the other nevertheless the female who upon the softening blandishment of an undisguised prepossession builds her expectation of its reciprocity is in common most cruelly deceived it is not that she has failed to awaken tenderness but it has been tenderness without respect nor yet that the person thus elated has been insensible to flattery but it has been a flattery to raise himself not its exciter in his esteem the partiality which we feel inspires diffidence that which we create has a contrary effect a certainty of success in many destroys in all weakens its charm the bashful accepted to whom it gives courage and the indolent to whom it saves trouble carefully then beyond all other care shut up every avenue by which a secret which should die untold can further escape you avoid every species of particularity neither shun nor seek any intercourse apparently and in such meetings as general prudence may render necessary or as accident may make inevitable endeavour to behave with the same openness steam as in your days of unconsciousness the least unusual attention would not be more suspicious to the world than the least undue reserve to the subject of our discussion coldness or distance can only be imputed to resentment and resentment since you have received no offence how should it be investigated could you vindicate or how should it be passed in silence secure from being attributed to peak and disappointment there is also another motive important to us all which calls for the most rigid circumspection the person in question is not merely amiable he is also rich mankind at large therefore would not give milley to a sense of excellence any obvious predilection this hint will i know powerfully operate upon your disinterested spirit never from personal experience may you gather how far from soothing how wide from honorable is the species of compassion ordinarily diffused by the discovery of an unreturned female regard that it should be felt unsought may be considered as a mark of discerning sensibility but that it should be betrayed uncalled for is commonly however ungenerously imagined rather to indicate ungoverned passions than refined selection this is often both cruel and unjust yet let me ask is the world a proper confident for such a secret can the woman who has permitted it to go abroad reasonably demand that consideration and respect from the community in which she has been wanting to herself to me it would be unnecessary to observe that her indiscretion may have been the effect of an inadvertence which owes its origin to artlessness not to forwardness she is judged by those who hardened in the ways of men accustomed themselves to trace in evil every motive to action or by those who preferring ridicule to humanity seek rather to amuse themselves witterly with a susceptibility than to feel for its innocence and simplicity in a state of utter constraint to appear natural is however an effort too difficult to be long sustained and neither precept example nor disposition have ensured my poor child to the performance of any studied part discriminate nevertheless between hypocrisy and discretion the first is advice the second a conciliation to virtue it is the bond which keeps society from disunion the veil that shades our weakness from exposure giving time for that interior correction which the publication of our infirmities would else with respect to mankind make of no avail it were better no doubt worthier nobler to meet the scrutiny of our fellow creatures by consent as we encounter perforce the all-viewing eye of our creator but since for this we are not sufficiently without blemish we must allow to our unstable virtues all the encouragement that can prop them the event of discovered faults is more frequently callousness than amendment and propriety of example is as much a duty to our fellow creatures as purity of intention is a debt to ourselves to delicacy in fine your present exertions will owe their future recompense be your ultimate lot in life what it may should you in the course of time belong to another you will be shielded from the regret that a former attachment has been published or should you continue mistresses of yourself from a blush that the world is acquainted it was not by your choice i shall now conclude this little discourse by calling upon you to annex to whatever i have offered you of precept the constant remembrance of your mother for example in our joint names therefore i adjure you my dearest camilla not to embitter the present innocence of your suffering by imprudence that may attach it to censure nor by indulgence that may make it fasten upon your vitals imprudence cannot pretend in the demolition of that dignified equanimity and modest propriety which we wish to be uniformly remarked as the attributes of your character and indulgence by fixing may in venom a dart that has yet may be gently withdrawn from a wound which kindness may heal and time may close but which if neglected may wear away in corroding disturbance all your life's comfort to yourself and all its social purposes to your friends and to the world augustus tirold end of chapter five recording by adrian wheel book five chapter six of camilla this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org recording by linda velwest camilla or a picture of youth by fanny bernie book five chapter six a chat the calm sadness with which camilla had opened her letter was soon broken in upon by the interest of its contents the view it displayed of her duties her shame at her recent failures and her fears for their future execution and yet more than all by the full decision in which it seemed written that the unhappy partiality she had exposed had been always and would forever remain unreturned she stared at the intimation how near she stood to detection even from edgar himself and pride reason modesty all arose to strengthen her with resolution to guard every future conflict from his observation the article concerning fortune touched her to the quick nothing appeared to her so degrading as the most distant idea that such a circumstance could have any force with her but the justice done to edgar she gloried in as an apology for her feelings and exculpatory of her weakness her tears flowed fast at every expression of kindness to herself her burning blushes dried them up as they were falling at every hint of her feebleness and the hopelessness of its cause but wholly subdued by the last paragraph with which reverence she pressed to her lips she offered up the most solemn vows of a strict and entire observance of every injunction which the letter contained she was thus employed unnoticing the passage of time when mrs alberry tapped at her door and asked if she wished to dine in her own room surprised at the question and ashamed to be thus seen she was beginning a thousand apologies for not being yet dressed but mrs alberry interrupting her said i never listened to excuses tis the only battery that overpowers me if by any miss chance and in an evil hour some country cousin not knowing my ways or some anti deluvian prig not minding them happened to fall upon me with formal speeches where i can make no escape a fit of yawning takes me immediately and i am demolished for the rest of the day camilla attempting to smile promised to play the country cousin no more mrs alberry then observed she had been weeping and taking her hand with an examinating look my lovely young friend she cried this will never do watch me how what nay nay don't be frightened come down to dinner and we'll talk over the house and the what's afterwards never mind your dress we go nowhere this evening and i make a point not to suffer anybody to change their attire in my house merely because the afternoon is taking place of the morning it seems to me a miserable compliment to the mistress of a mansion to see her guests only equip themselves for the table for my part i deem the garb that is good enough for me good enough for my geese and turkeys apple and oyster sauce included camilla then followed her downstairs where she found no company but surcedly clarindale come my dear miss tyrold said mrs alberry you and i may now consider ourselves as tit a tit surcedly won't be much in our way he hears and sees nothing but himself ecstatically flattering that cried surcedly dulcet to every nerve oh i know you listen just now because you are yourself my theme but the moment i take another you will forget we are either of us in the room and human to the quick cried he barbarous to a point this is a creature so strange miss tyrold said mrs alberry that i must positively initiate you a little into his character or rather into its own caricature for as to character he has had none intelligible these three years see but how he smiles at the very prospect of being portrayed in defiance of all his efforts to look unconcerned yet he knows i shall shoe him no mercy but like all other egotists the only thing to really disconcert him would be to take no notice of him make him but the first subject of discourse and praise or views are pretty much the same to him oh shocking shocking killing past resuscitation abominably horrid i protest oh i have not begun yet this is an observation to suit thousands but do not fear you shall have all your appropriations miss tyrold you are to be auditor and judge and i will save you the time in the trouble which deciphering this animal so truly a non-descript might cost you what a tremendous exhortium distressing to a degree i am argued with trepidation oh you wretch you know you are enchanted but no further interruption i send you to coventry for the next ten minutes this man my dear miss tyrold whom we are about to delineate was meant by nature and prepared by art for something greatly superior to what he now appears but unhappily he had neither solidity of judgment nor humility of disposition for bearing meekly the early advantages with which he set out in life a fine person fine parts and a fine estate all dashed into consciousness at the presuming age of one and twenty by this aggregate of wealthy of mental and of personal prosperity he has become at once self-spoiled and world-spoiled have you known him as i have done before he was seized with this systematic affectation which i am satisfied causes him more study than the united pedants of both universities could inflict upon him you would have seen the most delightful creature breathing a creature combining in one animated composition the very essences of spirit of gady and of intelligence but now with everything within his reach nothing seems worth his attainment he has not sufficient energy to make use of his own powers he has no one to command him and he is too indolent to command himself he has therefore turned fop from mere wantonness of time and talents from having nothing to do no one to care for and no one to please take from him half his wit and by lessening his presumption you will cure him of all his folly rob him of his fortune and by forcing him into exertion you will make him one of the first men of his day deface and maim his features and figure and by letting him see that to appear and be admired is not the same thing you will render him irresistible have you done cried the baronette smiling i protest said mrs arleberry i believe your little touched and i don't at all want to reform you a perfect character only loves me to sleep obliging in the superlative i must then take as a consolation that i have never given you enough never clarin dell i assure you and yet i don't hate you vice is detestable i banish all its appearances from my coteries and i would banish its reality too where i sure i should then have anything but empty chairs in my drawing room but foibles make all the charm of society they are the only support of convivial railery and domestic wit if formally therefore you more excited my admiration it is now believe me you contribute most to my entertainment condoling to a phenomenon i have really then the vastly prodigious honor to be exalted in your fair graces to the level of a mountabonk a quack doctor his mary andrew or any other such respectable buffoon peaked peaked i declare this exceeds my highest ambition but i must not weaken the impression by dwelling upon it she then asked camilla if she had any message for cleaves as one of her servants was going close to the park gate camilla glad to withdraw said she would write a few words to her father and retired for that purpose what in the world my dear clarindale said mrs albury can i do with this poor thing she has lost all her sprightliness and vapors me but to look at her she has all the symptoms upon her of being in the full meridian of that common girlish disease and hopeless passion poor little tender dove cried the baronet put the odious to cure her unfeeling to excess what a nature can be half so multifulously interesting i shall now look at her with most prodigious softness ought one not to sigh as she approaches the matter to be sure is silly enough answered mrs albury but this nonsense apart she is a charming girl besides i perceive i am a violent favorite with her and flattery my dear clarindale will work its way even with me i really owe her a good turn else i should no longer endure her for the tender passion has terribly flattened her if we can't restore her spirits she will be a mere dead weight to me oh a very crush a cannonball would be a butterfly in comparison but who is the irresistible what form has the little blind traitor assumed oh assure yourself that of the first young man who has come in her sight every damsel as she answers the world has some picture ready painted upon her imagination of an object worthy to enslave her and before any experience forms her judgment or any comparison her taste she is the dupe of the first youth who presents himself to her in the firm persuasion of her ductile fancy that he is just the model it had previously created she then added she had little doubt but young mandelbeer was the hero from their private conferences after the raffle and from her blushes when forced to name him nay nay this is not the first incongruity said the young baronet not romantic to outrage beach park has nothing very horrific in it nothing invincibly beyond the standard of a young lady's philosophy depend upon it that's the very idea its master has conceived of the matter himself you wealthy cavaliers rarely want flappers to remind you of your advantages that mandelbeer you must know is my aversion he has just that air and reputation of faultlessness that gives me the spleen i hope for her sake he won't think of her he will lead her a terrible life a man who peaks himself upon his perfections finds no mode so convenient and ready for displaying them as proving all about him to be constantly in the wrong however a character of that stamp rarely marries especially if he is rich and has no obstacles in his way what can i do then for this poor thing the very nature of her malady is to make her entertain false hopes i am quite bent upon curing them the only difficulty according to custom is how i wish you would take her in hand yourself i perposterous in the extreme what particle of chance should i have against mandelbeer oh you vain wretch to be sure you don't know that though he is rich you are richer and oh doubtless you never took notice that though he is handsome you are handsomer as to matters there is little to choose between you for he is as much too correct as you are too fantastic in conversation too you are nearly upon a par for he is as regularly too right as you are ridiculously too wrong but oh the charm of dear amusing wrong over dull commanding right you have but to address yourself to her with a little flattering distinction and mandelbeer ever after will appear to her a pedant what a wicked sort of sprite is a female wit cried sir sedley breathing only in mischief a very willow the whisk personified and petticoated shining but to lead astray dangerous past all fathom have the goodness however my fair jack o lanthorn to intimate what you mean i should do with this languishing dulcina should i deliver her from thralldom you don't advise me i presume to take unto myself a wife i protest i am shivered to the utmost point north at the bearer suggestion frozen to an icicle no no i know you far too confirmed an egotist for anything but an old bachelor nor is there the least necessity to yoke the poor child to the conjugal plow so early the only sacrifice i demand from you is a little attention the only good i aim at for her is to open her eyes which have now a film before them and to let her see that mandelbeer has no other preeminence than that of having been the first young man with whom she became acquainted never imagine i want her to fall in love with you heaven helped the poor victim to such a complication of caprice nay now i am full south again burning with shame and color how you navigate my sensation from cold to heat at pleasure cook was a mere river water man to you my blood chills or boils at your command every sentence is a new climate you waft me from extreme to extreme with a rapidity absolutely dizzying a balloon is a broad-willed wagon to you come come jargon apart will you make yourself of any use the cure of a romantic first flame is a better surety to subsequent discretion than all the exhortations of all the fathers and mothers and guardians and maiden aunts in the universe save her now and you'll serve her for life besides giving me a prodigious pleasure in robbing that frigid mandelbeer of such a conquest unhappy young swain i pity him to immensity how has he fallen thus under the rigor of your wrath do you banish him your favor like another Aristides to relieve your ear from hearing him called the just was ever illusion so impertinent or what is worse for ought i can determine so true for certainly he has given me no offense yet i feel i should be enchanted to humble him don't be concerned for him however you may assure yourself he hates me there is a certain spring in our propensities to one another that involuntarily opens and shuts in almost exact harmony whether of approbation or antipathy except indeed in the one article of love which distinguishing nothing is ready to grasp at anything but why have you not recourse to the gallant cockade the major i have observed already she receives his devoirs without emotion which for a girl who has seen nothing of the world is respectable enough his red coat considered whether the man has any meaning himself or whether he knows there is such a thing i cannot tell but as i do not wish to see her surrounded with brats while a mere brat herself it is not worth inquiry you are the thing clarindale the very thing you are just agreeable enough to annul her pure oil fascination yet not interesting enough to involve her in any new danger flattering past imitability divine albariana a girls in general continued she are insupportable nuisances to women if you do not set them to preach about their admirers or their admired they die of weariness if you do the weariness reverberates upon yourself camilla here returned she had written a few lines to eugenia to enforce her reliance upon edgar with an earnest request to be sent for immediately if any new difficulty occurred and she had addressed a few warmly grateful words to her father engaging to follow his every injunction with her best ability sir saidly now rung for his carriage and camilla for the rest of the evening exerted herself to receive more cheerfully the kind civilities of her lively hostess and of chapter six book five chapter seven of camilla this is a liver vox recording all liver vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit liver vox dot org recording by linda velwest camilla or a picture of youth by fanny bernie book five chapter seven a recall after two days passed with tolerable though not natural cheerfulness at the grove camilla was surprised by the arrival of the carriage of sir hugh with a short note from eugenia to miss camilla tyrold an incident has happened that overpowers me with sadness and horror i cannot write i send the chariot oh come and pass an hour or two at cleaves with your distressed eugenia camilla could scarcely stop to leave a message for mrs albury before she flew to the carriage nor even inquire for her uncle at cleaves before she ran to the apartment of eugenia and with a thousand tender caresses desired to know what had thus cruelly afflicted her alas she answered my uncle has written to claremont to come over and informed him with what view she then related that indiana the preceding day had prevailed with sir hugh to let her go to the middleton races and she found he would be quite unhappy if she refused to be also of the party that they had been joined by bellamy on the race ground who only however spoke to miss margland as edger watchful and uneasy scarce let him even see anyone else but the horses having taken fright while they were in a great crowd bellamy had persuaded miss margland to alight while the coach passed a terrible concourse of carriages and in that interval he had contrived to whisper a claim upon her tacit promise of viewing the chase which was forever to convey him away from her and though her engagement to edger made her refuse he had drawn her she knows not herself how from her party and while she was angrily remonstrating and he seemed in the utmost despair at her displeasure edger who had been at first eluded by being on horseback dismounted forced his way to her and almost carried her back to the coach leaving bellamy who she was sure had no sinister design nearly dead with grief at being unworthily suspected edger she however added was fixed in believing he meant to convey her away and jake up asserting he saw him purposely frightened the horses had told his surmises to sir hugh which he had cooperated by an account that the same gentleman had stopped to converse with her in her last return from ethrington sir hugh terrified had declared he would no longer live without claremont upon the spot she had felt too much for his disturbance to oppose him at the moment but had not imagined his plan would immediately be put into execution till early this morning he had sent for her and produced his letter of recall which had taken him he said the whole night to compose and finish urged by surprise and dissatisfaction she was beginning a little remonstrance but found it made him so extremely unhappy that in the fear of a relapse she desisted and with a shock she knew not when she should overcome saw the fatal letter delivered for the post camilla with much commissuration inquired if she had consulted with edger yes she answered and he had extorted her permission to relate the whole transaction to her father though in a manner wide from justice to the ill-fated bellamy whose design might be extraordinary but whose character she was convinced was honorable camilla whose education though private had not like that of eugenia been secluded in studious was far less credulous than her sister though equally artless she knew too with regard to this affair the opinion of edger and to know and be guided by it was imperceptibly one she declared herself therefore openly against bellamy and made her motives consist in a commentary upon his proceedings eugenia warmly defended him declaring the judgment of camilla and that of all her friends to be formed in the dark for that none of them could have doubted a moment his goodness or his honor had they seen the distracted suffering that was marked in his continents and what cried camilla says my father to all this he says just what edger says he is all that is kind and good but he has never beheld bellamy how then should he know him a message came now from sir hugh to camilla that he would see her before she went but that he was resting at present from the fatigue of writing a letter he sent her however with his love the foul copy to amuse her till she could come to him to claront linmeir esquire dear nephew i have had a very dangerous illness and the doctors themselves are all surprised that i recovered but a greater doctor than them was pleased to save me for which i thank god but as this attack has made me think more than ever i thought before i am willing to turn my thoughts to good account now as i have not the gift of writing at which thank god i have left off repining from the reason of its great troublesomeness in acquiring i can't pretend to anything of a fine letter but shall proceed to business my dear clarmont i write now to desire you would come over out of hand which i hope you won't take unkind foreign parts being no great pleasure to see in comparison of old england besides which i have another apology to offer which is having a fine prize in view for you which is the more essential owing to some unlucky circumstances in which i did not behave quite as well as i wish though very unwillingly which i mentioned to you as a warning however you have no need to be cast it down for this prize was set all right and make you as rich as a lord at the same time that you are as wise as a philosopher and as learning though i have the proper respect for it won't serve to make the pot boil you must needs be glad of more substantial fuel for there's no living upon air however you students may affect to think eating mere gluttony now this prize is no other than your cousin eugenia tyrold whom i don't tell you is a beauty but if you are the sensible lad i take you for you won't think the worst of her for wanting such frail perfection besides we should not be too nice amongst relations for if we are what can we expect from the wide world so i beg you to come over with all convenient speed for fear of her falling a prey to some sharper many such being to be found especially at horse races and so forth i remain dear nephew your affectionate uncle you tyrold eugenia from motives of delicacy and of shame declined reading the copy as she had declined reading the letter but looked so extremely unhappy that camilla offered to plead with her uncle and use her utmost influence that he would counterman the recall no answered she no to the point of duty and gratitude and i must bear its consequences she was now called down to mr tyrold camilla accompanied her he told her he had gathered from the kind zeal and inquiries of edgar that bellamy had certainly laid a premeditated plan for carrying her off if she went to the races which as the whole neighborhood was there might reasonably be expected eugenia with fervor protested such wickedness was impossible i'm unwilling my dear child he answered to adulterate the purity of your thoughts and expectations by inculcating suspicions but though nature has blessed you with an uncommon understanding remember in judgment you are still but fifteen and an experience but a child one thing however tell me candidly is it from love of justice or is it for your happiness you combat thus ardently for the integrity of this young man for my justice sir she said firmly and no latent reason mingles with and enforces it none believe me save only what gratitude dictates if your heart then is your own my dear girl don't be uneasy at the letter to claremont your uncle is the last man upon earth to put any constraint upon your inclinations and need i add to my dearest eugenia i am the last father to thwart or distress them resume therefore your courage and composure be just to your friends and happy in yourself reason was never thrown away upon eugenia her mind was a soil which received and naturalized all that was sewn in it she promised to look forward with more cheerfulness and to dwell no longer upon this agitating transaction edgar now came in he was going to beach park to meet bellamy he was charged with a long message for him from sir hugh and an order to inform him that his niece was engaged which however he declined undertaking without first consulting her this was almost too severe a trial of the duty and fortitude of eugenia she colored and was quitting the room in silence but presently turning back my uncle she cried is too ill now for argument and he is too dear to me for opposition say then just what you think will most conduce to his tranquility and recovery her father embraced her camilla shed tears and edgar in earnest admiration kissed her hand she received their applause with sensibility but looked down with a secret deduction from its force as she internally uttered my task is not so difficult as they believe touched as i am with the constancy of bellamy it is not melvin who loves me it is not melvin i reject edgar was immediately setting off but stopping him one thing alone i beg she said do not communicate your intelligence abruptly soften it by assurances of my kind wishes yet to prevent any deception any future hope say to him if you think it right that i shall regard myself henceforward as if already in that holy state so sacred to one only object she blushed and left them followed by camilla if born but yesterday cried mr tyrold with his eyes glistened she could not be more perfectly free from guile yet that said edgar is but half her praise she is perfectly free also from self she is made up of disinterested qualities and liberal sensations to the most genuine simplicity she joins the most singular philosophy and to knowledge and cultivation the most uncommon adds all the modesty as well as innocence of her extreme youth and inexperience mr tyrold subscribed with frankness to this just praise of his highly valued daughter and they then conferred upon the steps to be taken with bellamy whom neither of them scrupled to pronounce a mere fortune hunter all the inquiries of edgar were ineffectual to learn any particulars of his situation he said he was traveling for his amusement but he had no recommendation to anyone though by being constantly well dressed and keeping a shoey footman he had contrived to make acquaintance almost universally in the neighborhood mr tyrold determined to accompany edgar to beach park himself and there in the most peremptory terms to assure him of the serious measures that would ensue if he deceased it not from his pursuit he then went to take leave of camilla who had been making a visit to her uncle and was returning to the grove he had seen with concern the frigid air with which edgar had bowed to her upon his entrance and with compassion the changed continents with which she had received his formal salutation his hope of the alliance now sunk and so favored a wish could not be relinquished without severe disappointment yet his own was immaterial to him when he looked at camilla and saw in her expressive eyes the struggle of her soul to disguise her wounded feelings he now regretted that she had not accompanied her mother abroad and desired nothing so earnestly as any means to remove her from all intercourse with mandelbeer he seconded therefore her speed to be gone happy she would be placed where exertion would be indispensable and gently yet clearly intimated his wish that she should remain at the grove till she could meet edgar without raising pain in her own bosom or exciting suspicions in his eyes cruelly mortified she silently acquiesced he then said whatever was most kind to give her courage but dejected by her conscious failure and afflicted by the change in edgar she returned to mrs. albury in a state of mind the most melancholy and here nothing could be less exhilarating nor less seasonable than the first news she heard the regiment of general consale was ordered into kent in the neighborhood of tunbridge it was the season for drinking the water of that spring and mr. dental was going thither with his daughter sir said lee clarindale conceived it would be serviceable also to his own health and had suddenly proposed to mrs. albury forming a party to pass a few weeks there with a vivacity always ready for any new project she instantly agreed to it and the journey was settled to take place in three days when camilla was informed of this intended excursion the disappointment with which it overpowered her was too potent for disguise and mrs. albury was so much struck with it that during coffee she took sir said lee apart and said i feel such concern for the dismal alteration of that sweet girl that i could prevail with myself all love lord as she is to take her with me to tunbridge if you will aid my hearty enterprise of driving that frozen composition of premature wisdom from her mind if you are not as invulnerable as himself you cannot refuse me this little slight of gallantry sir said lee gave a laughing ascent declaring at the same time with the strongest professed diffidence his conscious inability mrs albury in high spirits said she scarce knew which would most delight her to mortify edgar or restore camilla to gady and independence yet she would watch she said that matters went no further than just to shake off a whining first love for the last thing upon earth she intended was to entangle her in the second camilla received the invitation with pleasure yet anxiety for though glad to be spared returning to cleaves in a state of disturbance so suspicious she was bitterly agitated in reflecting upon the dislike of edgar to mrs albury the pains he had taken to prevent her mingling with this society and the probably final period to his esteem and goodwill that would prove the result of her accompanying such a party to a place of amusement end of chapter seven book five chapter eight of camilla this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org recording by linda velwest camilla or a picture of youth by fanny bernie book five chapter eight a youth of the times mrs albury accompanied camilla the next day to cleaves to ask permission of mr tyrold for the excursion she would trust the request to none but herself conscious of powers of persuasion unused to repulse mr tyrold was distressed by the proposition he was not satisfied in trusting his unguarded camilla to the dissipation of a public place except under the wing of her mother though he felt eager to remove her from edgar and rejoiced in any opportunity to allow her a change of scene that might revive her natural spirits and unchain her heart from its unhappy subjection perceiving him undetermined mrs albury called forth all her artillery of eloquence and grace to forward her conquest the license she allowed herself in common of fantastic command gave way to the more feminine attraction of soft pleading her satire which though never malignant was often alarming was relinquished for a sportive gaity that diffused general animation and mr tyrold soon though not caught like his daughter ceased to wonder that his daughter had been caught in this indecision he took camilla apart and bat her tell him without fear or reserve her own feelings her own wishes her own opinion upon this scheme she held such a call too serious and too kind for disguise she hid her face upon his shoulder and wept he soothed and encouraged her to confidence and in broken accents she then acknowledged herself unequal as yet to fulfilling his injunctions of appearing cheerful and easy though sensible of their wisdom mr tyrold with a heavy heart saw how much deeper was her wound than the airiness of her nature had prepared him to expect and could no longer hesitate in granting his consent he saw it was her wish to go but he saw that the pleasures of a public place had no share in exciting it to avoid betraying her conscious mortification was her soul and innocent motive and though he would rather have sent her to a more private spot and have trusted her to a more retired character he yet thought it possible that what opportunity presented unsought might eventually prove more beneficial than what his own choice would have dictated for public amusements to the young and unhack need give entertainment without requiring exertion and spirits lively as those of mrs albury create nearly as much gady as they display fixed now for the journey he carried camilla to her uncle to take leave the prospect of not seeing her again for six weeks was gloomy to sir hugh though he bore it better at this moment when his fancy was occupied by arranging preparations for the return of clairemont then he could have done at almost any other he put in her hand a fifty pound bank note for her expenses and when with mingled modesty and dejection she would have returned the whole as unnecessary even to her wishes mr tyrold interfering made her accept twenty pounds sir hugh pressed forward the original sum in vain his brother though her always averse to refuse his smallest desire thought it here a duty to be firm that the excursion which he granted as a relief to her sadness might not lead to pleasures ever after beyond her reach nor to their concomitant extravagance she could not he knew reside at tunbridge with the economy and simplicity to which she was accustomed at ethrington but he charged her to let no temptation make her forget the moderate income of which alone she was certain assuring her that where a young woman's expenses exceeded her known expectations those who were foremost to praise her elegance would most fear to form any connection with her and most despise or to ride her in any calamity camilla found no difficulty in promising the most exact observance of this instruction her heart seemed in sackcloth and ashes and she cared not what manner her person should be arrayed sir q earnestly enjoined her not to fail to be at cleaves upon the arrival of claremont intimating that the nuptials would immediately take place she then sought eugenia whom she found with dr orc born in a state of mind so perfectly calm and composed as equally to surprise and rejoice her she saw with pleasure that all bellamy had inspired was the most artless compassion for since his dismission had now positively been given and claremont was actually summoned she devoted her thoughts slowly to the approaching event with the firm though early wisdom which distinguished her character indiana joined them and in a low voice said to camilla pray cousin do you know where mr. rick dursey is because i'm sadly afraid he's dead camilla surprised desire to know why she had such an apprehension because he told me he'd shoot himself through the brains if i was cruel and i am sure i had no great choice given me for between ourselves miss margeline gave all the answers for me without once stopping to ask me what i should choose so if he has really done it the fault is more hers than mine she then said that just after camilla's departure the preceding day mr. mcdursey arrived and insisted upon seeing her and speaking to sir hu as he was ordered into kent and could not go so far in suspense sir hu was not well enough to admit him and miss margeline upon whom the office evolved took upon her to give him a positive refusal and though she went into the room while he was there never once would let her make an answer for herself miss margeline she added had frightened sir hu into forbidding him the house by comparing him with mr. bellamy but mr. mcdursey had frightened them all enough in return as he went away by saying that as soon as ever sir hu was well he would call him out because if he's sending him word downstairs not to come to cleaves anymore for he had been disturbed enough already by another irish fortune hunter that came after another of his nieces and he was the more sure mr. mcdursey was one of them because of his being a real irishman while mr. bellamy was only an englishman but don't you think now cousin she continued miss margeline might as well have let me speak for myself camilla inquired if she was sorry for the rejection no she answered with some hesitation for miss margeline says he's got no rent roll besides i don't think he's so agreeable as mr. melmond only mr. melmins worth little or no fortune they say for miss margeline inquired about it after mr. mandelbear behaved so else i can't say i thought mr. melmond disagreeable Mrs. Arlberry now sent to hasten camilla who in returning to the parlor met edgar he had just gathered her intended excursion and sick at heart had left the room camilla felt the consciousness of a guilty person at his site but he only slightly bowed and coldly saying i hope you will have much pleasure at tunbridge went on to his own room and there replete with resentment for the whole of her late conduct he again blessed dr. marchmont for his preservation from her toils and concluding the excursion was for the sake of the major whose regiment he knew to be just ordered into kent he centered every former hope in the one single wish that he might never see her more camilla shocked by such obvious displeasure quitted cleaves with still increasing sadness and mrs. arlberry would hardly have repented her invitation but for her dependence upon sir sadly clarindale at ethrington they stopped that camilla might prepare her package for tunbridge mrs. arlberry would not alight while camilla with a maid servant was examining her drawers the chamber door was opened by linel for whom she had just inquired and who telling her he wanted to speak to her in private turned the maid out of the room camilla begged him to be quick as mrs. arlberry was waiting why then my dear little girl cried he the chief substance of the matter is neither more nor less than this i want a little money my dear brother said camilla pleasure again kindling in her eyes as she opened her pocket book you could never have applied to me so opportunity i have just got 20 pounds and i do not want 20 shillings take it i beseech you any part or all linel paused and seemed half choked camilla he cried presently you are an excellent girl if you were as old and ugly as mrs. margulant i really believe i should thank you young and pretty but this sum is nothing a drop of water to the ocean camilla now drawing back disappointed and displeased asked how it was possible he should want more more my dear child well i want two or three cool hundred two or three hundred repeated she amazed nay nay don't be frightened my uncle will give you two or three thousand you know that and i really want the money it's no joke i assure you it's a case of real distress distress impossible what distress can you have to so prodigious an amount prodigious little innocent does think two or three hundred prodigious and what has become of the large sums extorted from my uncle relville oh that was for quite another thing that was for debts that's gone and over this is for a perfectly different purpose and will nothing oh final nothing touch you my poor mother's quitting england her separation from my father and her family my uncle relville's severe attack will nothing move you to more thoughtful more praise worthy conduct camilla no preaching i might as well cast myself upon the old ones at once i come to you in preference on purpose to avoid sermonizing however for your satisfaction and to spur you to serve me i can assure you i have avoided all new debts since the last little deposit of the poor sick hypochondriac miser who is pining away at the loss of a few guineas that he had neither spirit nor health to have spent for himself is this your reasoning your repentance linel upon such a catastrophe my dear girl i am heartily concerned at the whole business only as it's over i don't like talking of it this is the last scrape i shall ever be in while i live but if you won't help me i am undone you know your influence with my uncle do there's a dear girl use it for your brother i have not a dependence in the world now but upon you certainly i will do whatever i can for you she said sighing but indeed my dear linel your manner of going on makes my very heart ache however let this 20 pounds be in part and tell me your very smallest calculation for what must be added 200 a farthing less will be of no use and three will be of thrice the service but mind you must not say it's for me how then can i ask for it oh vamp up some dismal diddy no linel exclaimed she turning away from him you propose what you know to be impractical well then if you must need say it's for me tell him he must not for his life own it to the old ones in the same breath must i beg and command oh i always make that my bargain i should else be put into the lecture room and not let loose till i was made a milkshop they talk me so into the vapors i should not be able to act like a man for a month to come a man linel yes a man of the world my dear a knowing one mrs aralberry now sent to hasten her and he extorted a promise that she would go to cleaves the next morning and procure a draft for the money if possible to be ready for his calling at the grove in the afternoon she felt this more deeply than she had time or courage to own to linel but her increased melancholy was all imputed to reflection concerning mandal bear by mrs alberry that lady lent her chase the next morning with her usual promptitude of good humor and camilla went to cleaves with a reluctance that never before accompanied her desire to oblige her visit was received most kindly by all the family as merely an additional leave taking in which light though she was too sincere to place it she suffered it to pass having no chance of being alone with her uncle by accident she was forced to beg him in a whisper to request a tet a tet with her and she then covered with all the confusion of a partner in his extravagance made the petition of linel sir hugh seemed much surprised but protested he would rather part with his coat and waistcoat than refuse anything to camilla he gave her instantly a draft upon his banker for 200 pounds but added he should take it very kind of her if she would beg linel to ask him for no more this year as he was really so hard run he could not else be able to make proper preparations for the wedding till his next rents became due camilla was now surprised in her turn and sir hugh then confessed that between presents and petitions his nephew had no less than 500 pounds from him the preceding year unknown to his parents and that for this year the sum she requested made the seventh hundred without the least account for what purpose it was given camilla now heartily repented being a partner in a business so rapacious so unjustifiable and so mysterious but kindly interrupting her apology um don't be concerned my tear he cried for there's no help for these things though what the young boys do with all their money nowadays is odd enough being what i can't make out however he'll soon be wiser so we must not be too severe with him though i told him the last time i had rather he would not ask me so often which was being almost too sharp i'm afraid considering his youngness for one can't expect him to be an old man at once camilla gave voluntarily her word no such application should find her its embass address again and though he would have dispensed with the promise she made it the more readily as a guard against her own facility at least cried the baronet say nothing to my poor brother and more especially to your mother it's being but vexatious to such good parents to hear such idleness not knowing what to think of it for it is a great secret he says what he does with it all for rich reason one can't expect him to tell it my poor brother to be sure had rather he should be studying hick hawk but lord help him i believe he knows no more of that than i do myself and i never could make out much meaning of it any further than it's being latin oh i suppose at the time dr arc born might explain it to me taking it for granted he did what was right camilla was most willing to agree to concealing from her parents what she knew must so painfully afflict them though she determined to assume sufficient courage to expostulate most seriously with her brother against whom she felt sensations of the most painful anger again she now took leave but upon re-entering the parlor found edgar there alone involuntarily she was retiring but the council of her father recurring to her she compelled herself to advance and say how could you have been to eugenia how greatly we are all indebted for your kind vigilance and exertion edgar who is reading a new knot she was in the house was surprised both by her site and her address out of all his resolutions and with a softness of voice he meant ever more to deny himself answered to me can any of the tyrold family talk of being indebted to me me my own obligations to all to every individual of that name have been the pride have been hitherto the happiness of my life the word hitherto which had escaped affected him he stopped recollected himself and presently more dryly added those obligations will be still much increased if i must flatter myself that one of that race to whom i adventure to play the officious part of a brother could forget those lectures she can else i fear with difficulty pardon you have found me unworthy your council answered camilla gravely and looking down you have therefore concluded i resented but we are not always completely wrong even when wide from being right i have not been culpable of quite so much folly as to not feel what i have owed to your good offices nor am i now guilty of the injustice to blame their being withdrawn you surely do what is wisest though not perhaps what is kindest to these last words she forced a smile and wishing him good morning hurried away amazed past expression and touched to the soul he remained a few instance immovable then resolving to follow her and almost resolving to throw himself at her feet he opened the door she had shut after her he saw her still in the hall but she was in the arms of her father and sisters who had all descended upon hearing she had left sir hue and of whom she was now taking leave upon his appearance she said she could no longer keep the carriage but as she hastened from the hall he saw that her eyes were swimming in tears her father saw it too with less surprise but more pain he knew her short and voluntary absence from her friends could not excite them his heart ached with paternal concern for her and motioning everybody else to remain in the hall he walked with her to the carriage himself saying in a low voice as he put her in be of better courage my dearest child endeavor to take pleasure where you are going and forget what you are leaving and if you wish to feel or give contentment upon earth remember always you must seek to make circumstance contribute to happiness not happiness subservient to circumstance camilla bathing his hand with her tears promised this maxim should never quit her mind till they met again she then drove off yes she cried i must indeed study it edgar cares no more what becomes of me resentment next to antipathy has taken place of his friendship and his team she wrote down in her pocketbook the last words of her father she resolved to read them daily and to make them the current lesson of her future and disappointed life linel too impatient to wait for the afternoon was already at the grove and handed her from the chase but stopping her in the portico well he cried where's my draft before i give it to you said she seriously and walking from the servants i must entreat to speak a few words to you you have really got it then cried he in a rapture you are a charming girl the most charming girl i know in the world i won't take your poor 20 pounds i would not touch it for the world but come where's the draft is it for the two or the three for the two and surely my dear linel for the two oh plague take it only for the two and when will you give me that odd third oh brother oh linel what a question will you make me repent instead of rejoice in the pleasure i have to assist you why when he was about it why could he not as well come down like a gentleman at once i'm sure i always behaved very handsomely to him how do you mean why i never frightened him never put him beside his poor wits like tell the poor uncle i don't remember i ever did him an ill turn in my life except wanting dr pockhawk there to flog him a little for not learning his book it would have been a rare sight if he had don't you think so rare indeed i hope why now what could he have done if the doctor had really performed it he could not injustice have found fault when he put himself to school to him but he felt a little queer don't you think he would you only want to make me laugh to prevent my speaking to the purpose but i'm not disposed to laugh and therefore oh if you're not disposed to laugh you're no company for me give me my draft therefore if you will not hear i hope at least line all you will think and that may be more efficacious shall i put up the 20 i really do not want it and it is all all all i can ever procure for you remember that what all this all why not even the other little mean hundred no my dear brother i have promised my uncle no further application why what a stingy fussy old codger to draw such a promise from you hold hold line all i cannot endure to hear you speak in such a manner of such an uncle the best the most benevolent the most indulgent lord child don't be so precise and old made itch don't you know it's a relief to a man's mind to swear and say a few cutting things when he's in a passion when all the time he would no more do harm to the people he swears that then you would that mints out all your words as if you were talking treason and thought every man a spy that heard you besides how is a man the worst for a little friendly cursor to provided he does not hear it it is a very innocent refreshment to a man's mind my dear only you know nothing of the world mrs arleberry now approaching he hastily took the draft and after a little hesitation the twenty pounds telling her if she would not ask for him she must ask for herself and that he felt no compunction as he was certain she might draw upon her uncle for every guinea he was worth he then heartily embraced her said she was the best girl in the world when she did not mount the pulpit and wrote off camella felt no concern at the loss of her twenty pounds lowered and unhappy she was rather glad than sorry that her means for being abroad were diminished and that to keep her own room would soon be most convenient the next day was fixed for the journey end of chapter eight