 Hollywood, California, Monday, October 5th. The Lux Radio Theater presents Elmer the Great, starring Joey Brown with June Travis. This presents Hollywood. Tonight, the Lux Radio Theater, from its home on Hollywood Boulevard, brings you Joey Brown, June Travis, Cecil B. DeMille, Max Reinhart, and Lewis Silvers. And from New York, Carl Hubble and Lou Gehrig, fresh from their Deeds in the World series. Gathered here to witness our performance is an audience filled with Hollywood notables. Welcome to the Lux Radio Theater. If you think of no higher recommendation for Lux Flakes, then the fact that these sheer, marvelously effective flakes are used by all the leading picture studios here in Hollywood for wardrobe protection. And now the producer of the Lux Radio Theater takes his place at the microphone. Motion Pictures' most eminent director, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Among the things for which Joey Brown has distinguished is the singular void between his upper and lower lips and his ability to play baseball. Both of these are probably the result of Joe's belief in the old Spanish proverb, a closed mouth catches no flies. But Joe caught flies, often on for 10 years as a member of minor league baseball teams. Later, he played exhibition ball with the Boston Red Sox. For three years, he kept a bench warm for the New York Yankees, and today is the owner of a semi-professional team in Los Angeles. But long before Joe ever struck out as a ball player, he struck out for a career in the circus. When only nine years old, he became an acrobat. He was known as Master Joe, the boy wonder. His aerial feats were not limited to acrobatics, however. In 1907, at Montreal, he was persuaded to make a flight in an airplane glider. He sailed 50 feet in this pioneer venture, landed on his head and broke a finger. But no records. Joe was earning $300 a week as the daring young man and the flying crappies when he decided to turn comedian. For one quarter, the salary. It was the wisest move in his career. A series of hit plays soon brought him stardom. Among them, the baseball comedy in which we hear Joe tonight. Elmer the Great. Hollywood was quick to sign him when he appeared on the west coast. And after nine years in pictures, Joseph Evan Brown remains among our top flight comedians. June Travis is also appropriately cast as the leading lady in a baseball story. She's the daughter of Harry Grabener, vice president of the Chicago White Sox, and while at college played first base in an all girls team. In pictures, June has played leads in Ceiling Zero and with Joey Brown in earthworm tractors. Tonight, we hear her in the role of Nellie Poole, owner of a small town grocery store. And now the players are warming up. A hush falls of 30 million fans from Boston to Los Angeles await the first inning. The Lux Radio Theater presents a four base hit by Ring Ladner and George M. Cohen. Elmer the Great, starring Joey Brown as Elmer Cain and featuring June Travis as Nellie Poole. Play ball. Our scene is Elmer Cain's home in the village of Gentryville, Indiana. It's two o'clock in the afternoon on February 22nd, Washington's birthday. And our hero, taking full advantage of the holiday, has still not come down for breakfast. As the curtain rises, Mrs. Cain, Elmer's mother, is busily setting the table in the dining room. Now, Nick, don't you go tracking snow all over the house? I won't. Well, what are you setting the table for more? Your brother Elmer's going to have his breakfast. Breakfast? In the middle of the day? Well, there ain't no reason to get up early on Washington's birthday. Why not? I bet Washington did. Oh, don't be silly, Nick. Anyway, Elmer worked hard all day yesterday. Oh, driving a delivery wagon ain't hard work. The horse snows away and the boy delivers at groceries. All Elmer has to do is sit on the front seat and go to sleep. Hello, Mom. Oh, and a minute. You can sit right down now if you want. I can. See, that's the best news I had since dinner time last night. How are you, Nick? All right, sleeping beauty and how are you? Oh, pretty good. A little tired, but pretty good. Oh, Elmer, Mr. Wade just telephoned. Said it was important. Wade? Oh, yeah, I know him. He wants you to call him back at the commercial house. Oh, he does, huh? Well, he's going to have a long wait. Bring on the ham and eggs, Ma, and let's get down to business. Maybe that's him again. Yeah, well, if it is, you tell him that I ain't in. Hello? Oh, hello, Nelly. How are you? It's Nelly Fool, Elmer. Oh, gosh, what does she want? There, Ma, give me the phone. I'll go and get you breakfast. Oh, hello, Nelly. Oh, Mr. Wade. Yes, I know him. I was speaking to him yesterday. He's scout for the New York Ball Club. Well, what was he doing over at the store? Oh, yes. Well, listen, boss, you tell him he's wasting his time. I had all the league baseball I wanted when I was with Carol Hutt last summer. You have to think it over, boss. Sure I know the New York Club bought me. The New York Ball Club? Holy Jesus. Wait a minute. Nelly, listen to me, will you? I know what I want to do. I'm going to stay right here in Gentryville and drive your delivery wagon, just like I always done. Now, listen, boss, let's not go into extra innings about this. I'll explain it all to you when I see you at the store tomorrow morning. Here's your breakfast, Elmer. I've got to say goodbye now. All my food's here. So long. Say, is that right? Did New York buy it from Carol Hutt, Elmer? Yes. How's the ham, ma? Better or dead. How's the ham, ma? It's all ready. Is anything the matter? Nothing's the matter with me, except that I'm hungry. They really want you to join the New York Ball Club? Yes. The New York Giants. Well, what are you going to do? Well, right now I'm going to eat this food. It's up a chance to pitch for the Giants. Yes, but I ain't going to pass up a chance to pitch into this ham. Gee, can you beat that? You must be crazy, Elmer. Hey, ma, take this kid away from me before he spoils my appetite. Leave Elmer alone, Nick, and let him eat in peace. There's pancakes, too, Elmer. Well, ma, shoot him right along and bring plenty of syrup with him, too. Gee, ma, he'll never get a break like this again in a thousand years, turning down the Giants. Do you know what that means? No. What'd it mean, Elmer? Don't mean a thing in the world to me, ma, but it'll probably cost them the pennant. Where's the pancakes? Oh, yes, I'll get them right away. Oh, listen here, Elmer. You ain't serious about this, are you? Oh, forget it, Nick. But if you go with the Giants, you're liable to turn out to be the greatest pitcher in the world. Liable to turn out to be? Say, where do you get that stuff? Well, Len, you are the greatest pitcher in the world. Didn't I always say you were? Yes. Well, I had to explain it to you first. Oh, ma. Listen, Elmer, why don't you see this fellow wait again and have another talk with him? Talk about what? About pitching. Say, he can't tell me nothing about pitching. I don't care who is. Oh, gosh, I'm so excited about this thing. I won't be able to sleep tonight. Well, I will. Now, I think I'll take another little nap this afternoon, too. Boy, that sure was good ham. Oh, how can you talk about ham at a time like this? What time is it? Here's the pancakes and more ham, Elmer. Yeah, well, put them right down there, ma. Sit down there, ma, will you? Let's talk to this fellow. He's got the chance of his lifetime, a chance to become rich and famous. Is that so, Elmer? Let him rave, ma. Let him rave. Well, listen, ma, this may be the most important day of his life. Why, because it's Washington's birthday. Corker, ma. Hey, where's the syrup? Oh, dear, I forgot the syrup. Do you want a piece of apple pie, too? Yes, bring it in. I'll flirt with it. Why don't you want to go to New York? Why? Because I don't like it. That's why. How do you know you don't like it? You never been there. That's just it. I hate places I ain't never been. But New York's the greatest city in the world. How do you know? You ain't never been there. Well, I can read, can I? Well, that ain't nothing to brag about. Seven out of every ten can read. I don't prove nothing. You should like this syrup, Elmer. It's a new kind. And here's the pie. Hey, ma, that sure looks scrumptious. Oh, gee, ma. Can't you even try and talk some sense into him? He's passing up a fortune, I tell you. Gosh, I only wish I could pitch like him. Yeah, so does Dizzy Dean. Say, if you were only as good as you think you are, you're not as good as Dizzy Dean. I'll tell you that right now. Who's Dizzy Dean? There you are. That's how good Dizzy is. Well, who is he? Who is he? He's the greatest pitcher in the world. Well, I ain't saying a word, ma. Got any donuts? Donuts. Say, are you going to eat donuts on top of all that? Sure, why not? Fellows got to eat something to keep up with strength. And ma, better give me a glass of milk and a couple of bananas, too. Oh, gee, God. How many donuts do you want, Elmer? Oh, only five or six. Don't want to spoil my supper. Hey, listen, somebody's driving up. See who it is, Nick. Oh, it looks like Nellie pulled Slade. Yeah, that's who it is. It's Nellie. Nellie. Oh, gosh. Hi, Elmer. Ain't you always glad to see Nellie? Well, sure I am, but not just when I'm starting my breakfast, I ain't. It's all right. You can begin all over again after she leaves. Answer the door, Nick. All right. New Nellie. Hello, Mrs. Cain. Hello, Elmer. Hi, boss. Just having a bite to eat? Oh, don't let me disturb you. Oh, it's all right. I ain't very hungry, anyhow. Well, it's someday, ain't it? I'll say it is. Sit down and make yourself at home. Thank you. How's things at the store, Nellie? Oh, pretty well. People are still buying groceries. Everyone says it's wonderful the way you took over that store after your pa died and put it on a good-paying basis. Yeah, with Elmer in town, any grocery store could make a big profit. Hey, that'll be just about enough out of you, young fella. Well, if you'll excuse me, Nellie. Of course, Mrs. Cain. I better get after those dishes. I'll see you before you go. Elmer. Yes? What's on your mind, boss? Well, I went over to the commercial house after I spoke to you and I saw Mr. Wade again. Yes, I thought that was it. Well, I ain't gonna go to New York and you might as well not... Now, wait a minute. Now, listen to reason, Elmer. Wade is going to leave town in a few minutes. Yeah? I ain't holding him back. Oh, but you're passing up a wonderful opportunity. Why, Wade says you're the greatest pitching possibility of the season. He predicts you'll be a second-dizzy dean. Boy, what a boost. Yeah, for a dizzy. Nick, will you run upstairs for a few minutes? I want to speak to Elmer alone. Oh, all right, but I ain't gonna do no good. I can see that. You'll never be able to get anything through that swell, head. He's a great kid, ain't he? Elmer, what's the matter? Why are you throwing this chance away? Oh, I got more reasons. Is it because you're afraid to go to New York? Afraid to go to New York? I wouldn't be afraid to go to Chicago. Oh, no, I mean because it's a big league. Is that what scares you? Scares me? Say, listen, I could take the whole 16 clubs in both leagues and make them look as though they never had a bat in their hands. Scared. Say, is that what that fellow Wade thinks? That I'm scared? Well, he's got to think something. Yeah, well, I'd knock his block off if he said it to me. Elmer, they paid Terrahaw $10,000 for you. Did you know that? I didn't get any of it. Oh, so that's the reason you won't go. I wouldn't go if they paid a million. Elmer, look at this. What is it? Your contract. I asked Mr. Wade to let me have it. It's all ready for you to sign. Yeah. Well, I ain't ready to sign it. Well, then you're out of baseball if you know anything about the game. I know all about the game. Well, here it is on the table in case you change your mind. Oh, Elmer, what's the reason for your acting this way? Why do you want to stay in a one-horse town like this when you've got a chance to get out and be somebody? There's no future for you here driving my delivery wagon. What is it? Tell me. Yeah. You really want to know? Yes, Elmer. Well, well, here, take a look at this watch. Your watch? Well? Well, open the back of the case. Oh. There. Now, you see? My picture. You carry my picture in your watch case. Yes. I never thought I'd get up courage enough to show it to you. That's the first time anyone's ever seen it outside of myself. But I don't understand. Gee, boss, don't you know what I mean? Gosh, I'm miserable. I dream about you when I go to sleep at night. Even when I'm eating, I think about you. And sometimes when I'm driving a delivery wagon during the day, I make believe you're sitting beside me in a talk to you, just like you was there. No matter what I do, I can't get my mind off you. Oh, I know I got an awful cross for even having such thoughts. But this has been going on for years and getting worse every day. I had to come out sometime, I suppose. Well, now I guess you know why I've been acting like I was half off my nut. I'm sorry, boss. Please forgive me. It's all right, Elmer. Here's your watch. Yeah, yeah. Do you mind if I keep the picture in it? No. I don't mind. I don't suppose... I don't suppose I got a chance in the world to have a... I mean, with you. I'm sorry, Elmer. You ain't gonna hate me, are you? No. You don't know how sorry I am. Oh, yes I do. I ain't no darn fool altogether. I understand. Elmer. Yes? Elmer, I don't think you ought to come to the store anymore. No? No. I guess you're all right. I... I'm sure I am. Well, I've got to go now. I've got awful lot to do. Well, goodbye, Elmer. Goodbye. What do you want? Did Nellie go? Yeah, she went. Well, what's the matter with you? Nothing. Why? Well, you look kind of funny. Well, what are you gonna do about that offer? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what to do. I... Wait a minute. Yeah, sure. Sure, I know what I'm gonna do. Hey, get that fellow Wade on the phone, will you, Nick? What? Get him on the phone. I'm going with a New York giant. You mean it? Of course I do. You heard about that. All right, old boy! Where's that contract? Where'd she leave it? Ho, ho! Give me the commercial house right away. What's the matter, Nick? Elmer's gone with the big legs. He's gone with the giants. He's gonna play ball in the big legs, Mark. Elmer, are you really? Yes. I guess I'll be leaving for the trans quarters pretty soon, Mark. Ho, commercial house? Let me speak to Mr. Wade. Was it Nelly who convinced you, Elmer? Yeah, I'll say she did. Oh, Mr. Wade! Oh, hold the wire a minute, Mr. Wade. Just a second. Oh, yeah, all right. Hello, Mr. Wade. This is Elmer Kane. Yes, a change of mind, Mr. Wade. I'm gonna pitch for you after all. Yeah, that's what I said. But wait a second. Just a minute. I want to warn you about something. You better tell those big league batters of yours to button up their overcoats. Yes, because when I start speeding them in, there's gonna be plenty of breeze. And I don't want to be responsible for anybody in ammonia. So long! Here in Hollywood, working hours are often irregular, frequently very long. Wives often spend the evenings with each other for company. So here you have Mabel sharing the evening and Jim's radio with Mrs. Jim. Suddenly they hear... That's the song Jim always sang when he first married. He was so proud of my hands. Does he sing it now? No, and I don't blame him. Dishwashing has made my hands perfectly horrid. Why, you poor lamb. Don't you know that luxe for dishes keeps hands soft and white? Honestly, it's like a beauty treatment right in your dishpan. You must try it. Luxe flakes do keep your hands lovely. Just because you have housework to do, dishes to wash, don't think that your hands need look rough and work worn. They can stay as soft and white as they were on your wedding day. When you use luxe in the dishpan, hands are protected against roughening and reddening. Luxe has none of the harmful alkali ordinary soaps may have. Luxe does not irritate or dry your skin. Begin using luxe for your dishes tomorrow. And once again, Mr. DeMille. We continue Elmer the Great starring Joey Brown as the modest baseball pitcher and featuring June Travis as Nellie Poole. Several weeks have passed and Elmer has been training with the Giants in Florida. Elmer is a sensation, has been taking a good deal of ribbing from the other players and has twice threatened to quit. In a hotel room, Walker, the Giants manager, has called a meeting to lay down the lord of the rest of the team. Hello? Hello? Is that you, Doyle? Well, this is Walker speaking. I'm up in my room with the rest of the boys. Round up Cain and bring him along with you right away. And what's the only excitement, Dave? By the big men. Well, it's just this. I want to lay off Elmer Cain. But you haven't listened to me. Well, you're gonna start now. Stop kidding. Leave him alone. I know he's a fathead, but lay off. This guy, Cain, is a valuable man. We need him and you weren't going to laugh him off this team. Sure, let's give him a lovin'. Never mind the sarcasm, Newton. No, I mean it. If we're gonna humor him, let's go after it right. Maybe if we keep telling him how good he is, he'll quit telling us. Ain't that what I've picked you right along? And take it from me. Well, Doyle, where's Cain? Bad news, boys. He's quit again. He's packed and everything. No. Yeah, I had to talk faster, stop him. I told him we had a big surprise for him. He's on his way down here now. Yeah, but what's the surprise? I don't know. I was thinking maybe you could tell him he was gonna pitch the opening game or something. Yeah? Well, maybe he might have that. Hey, I got an idea. Well, spill it. Listen, this guy's crazy to talk on the radio. Well, what of it? Cain talking on the radio. Listen, give me the heater. We'll tell him it's a microphone and let him talk in it. You'll never know the difference. He'll think he's talking on a coast to coast talker. Well, all right, all right, Newton. Set up the heater. There it is over there by the bed. Yeah, I'll fix the wire so it'll look like a microphone leading. Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. See who that is. Hello, Dave. Well, if it ain't Evelyn Corey. Well, how are you, Evelyn? Pretty good, Dave. The clerk told me you were here and I just couldn't wait to see you. What are you doing in Fort Grey? I blew in about two hours ago. It's my hometown. Don't you remember? I told you that in New York. The night you came backstage to see me. Sure, that's right. Oh, say, fellas, meet Miss Evelyn Corey, a good kid and a great pal of mine. How are you, boy? Say, Dave, here's your surprise. I got your thought, Doyle. I beat you to it. Listen, Evelyn, as a guy coming in this room in a few minutes, he's a kind of a nut. Will you stand for anything I tell him and play up? It's all fun, you understand? You're all string along, you know me. What is he, a sap? He's the last word in the comic supplement. Do you mind? Wait a minute. That's probably him now. Come in. Hey, hello, Elmer. How are you feeling? Doyle said you had a surprise for me. I certainly have. Oh, but first of all, let me present Miss Evelyn Corey. Miss Corey, this is El McCain himself. Elmer the Great in the flesh. The greatest pitcher in the country. Yes, or in a city, either. Well, well, this is an overwhelming honor, I'm sure. You've no idea. I'm certainly glad to meet you, Mr. McCain. Oh, that's all right. Well, what's the big surprise you said there was, Mr. Walker? You tell him, Doyle. Elmer, we've decided that you ought to pitch the opening game of the season. And you've been selected most popular man in the club. Come on, boys, three chairs for Elmer. What do you think of that? What do you mean, what do I think of it? Well, you didn't expect to pitch the opening game, did you, Elmer? You want to win it, don't you? Elmer, we'd like to win all the games. No, sorry. I can't pitch every day. Well, come on, where's the big surprise? Well, ain't you surprised to meet Miss Corey? What for? I guess Elmer don't understand who Miss Corey is. Oh, I guess he doesn't. Come on, fellas, three chairs for Miss Corey. Hey, what are you, Miss Corey, a female pitcher? Oh, no, no. Now, you see, Elmer, Miss Corey is a very famous person. She's field scout for the International Broadcast Association of the World. Yeah? Well, what's so wonderful about that? Miss Corey has come all the way from California to have you say a few words over the radio about joining the Giants and about yourself and about what a wonderful little fella you are. Yeah? You mean, you want me to talk over the radio? Yes, please do. Here's the microphone he all set up and waiting for you. All ready to shoot, ain't it, Miss Corey? All prepared. Yeah? What do you do? Just talk right smack dab into it? That's right. Go on, Elmer, say a few words. No, I feel like a fool. Oh, go ahead, Elmer. Talk up, talk up. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Elmer Cain speaking. Louder, they can't hear you. Oh, they can't? No, okay. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Elmer Cain speaking. I wish all the little boys in America the best of good luck in baseball. The same as I, Lou Gehrig, and many others. I'm glad New York's has got me, and I guess New York's will be glad to get back into the world serious. In the world serious, I ain't going to use nothing. Only my fast and my downer. And I guess that'll be plenty. Roosevelt. What? Say a few words to President Roosevelt. He's listening in. Yeah? Yes. Good evening, President Roosevelt. This is Elmer Cain speaking. Yes, you're going to be at the world same as one boy I am. Hello, ma. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I was just saying a few kind words to my mother. Always remember, a boy's best friend is his mother. For when she's gone, you'll never have another. Yours for clean sport. Elmer Cain. Now you can clap if you want to. Yeah, I guess it did look pretty good up there at that. I've got to give you a little kiss for that. A kiss? Well, all right. What was that? The dinner bell. The dinner bell? Excuse me, folks. I got a very... The games I ever saw. Good to see you, Evelyn. Sit down. Thanks, Dave. You had my telegram, huh? Yes. Now let the show flatten Pittsburgh. Cain again. He's walking around in a daze. He didn't sleep a wink on the train last night. Never closed his eyes on the whole jump to Detroit. What are you supposed it is? I don't know. But there's one thing certain. The World Series starts Thursday. He's got to work two out of the first four games or we're sunk. And I'm depending on you to get him right. I'll do my best, Dave. Add a girl. Listen, he's on his way up here right now. Okay. Say, Dave, you know this is the third time this season you've sent for me. You might as well put me under salary and I'll travel with the club as Cain's keeper. Yeah, I wish you could. But find out what's on his mind, will you? You can make him talk. He likes you. No, he's got a rude sweetheart back in Gentryville. He told me all about her. But he's got an idea. I'm crazy about it. Hello. Wanna see me, Walker? Well, if it isn't Elmer. Oh, hello. Oh, pretty good. That's your surprise to see Evelyn here, Elmer. No, not much. I couldn't stay away. I wanna see New York win the series. We'll win all right. There's nothing going to stop this ball club now, is there, Elmer? Yeah. How do you know I won't drop dead? Oh, Elmer, you wouldn't pull a trick like that. Well, I might if I don't get some sleep. I ain't had no sleep for two nights. Excuse me for buttoning, but I gotta see you, Dave. What's the matter, Doyle? Oh, plenty. Noonan is off again. Again? Yeah, he's lit to the skies. I got him up in his room now. Can you beat that fella? I'll tell him his right name. See you later, Evelyn. Come on, Doyle. Yes, Mr. Noonan's got it coming to him, evidently. Yeah. I told that guy to lay off the liquor. He was drinking all night on the train. He's had left-handed, picture, ain't he? Yeah. What he drinks with both hands. Gee, I hate that fella. Wish I'd have never met him. I told him when I told his friend Crabtree what I thought of both of them. Crabtree? Yeah, friend of Noonan's in Chicago. You don't mean Walter Crabtree, the gambler? Yeah. Do you know him? What, met him? We had a roulette party at his place one night. No. Did you, did you shoot Crabtree? No. Did you? Well, I never did only them two nights that I went out with Noonan. I wish I'd have stayed the home. I wouldn't have nothing to worry about now if I did. What are you worried about, Elmer? Oh, nothing. Say, listen, don't you say nothing about me shooting craps, will you? And don't say nothing about me knowing this fellow Crabtree either. It's against the rules for league players to mix it with professional gamblers, isn't it? Yes. And I don't want to be brought up before Judge Landis again. I was up before him just two weeks ago. Is that so? What about? About eating. Eating? Yeah. The empires claim that I didn't have no right to eat while I was in the pitcher's box. You don't mean to say you eat while you're pitching. Well, why not? I get hungry sometimes in a game. You know, when they start fouling them off, I always carry a couple of donuts in my back pocket. Donuts? What did Judge Landis say about it? Oh, he said the empires thought that I was putting lard on the ball. So he asked me to show him one of the donuts and I did. What did he do? He had it. Yeah. He said there wasn't no rule against donuts, but I'd have to eliminate them. Well, I guess he'd rather see a ball player eat than drink at that. Yeah. Look at Noonan. He and Crabtree was drinking all the time we was in Chicago. Say, Elmer, did Noonan introduce you to Crabtree? Yeah. That's how it all happened. We got the plan, Dyson. I didn't even know he was playing for keeps. But now I owe him a lot of money. What are you owing? You know how much money is $5,000? $5,000? Yeah. Well, it's $500 more than that. You don't mean to say you owe Walter Crabtree $5,500? Yes, I think that's it. Can't you pay him off? Pay him off? Gosh, I only got $3 right now and I got to have dinner. What are you going to do? Oh, I don't know. Crabtree wants to see me tomorrow. But look, you won't say nothing about this to anyone, will you? No, of course not. Oh, please don't, because I've been playing pretty good ball this year. And it'd be kind of tough to be pitched off the team. Come in. Hello, Mr. Crabtree. Hmm, all alone? Yeah. Sit down. Thanks. Well, I suppose you know why I'm here, Cain. Yes. But I ain't got it, Mr. Crabtree. I ain't got but only a few dollars. Look, you'll have to give me more time. I'll dig it up someplace, honest I will. Oh, that's all right. Now, don't get excited. I'm not going to rush you, son. Oh, no? Why, of course not. After all, what's $5,500? Chicken feed. Chicken? You don't say. Sure. That's all it is to me. Chicken feed. You know, as a matter of fact, I came here tonight for the expressed purpose of telling you not to bother about it. Yes? You mean, you mean I don't have to pay you? That's the idea. And we'll say that's swell. But what I owe it to you, Dona? Well, I'll tell you. You see, Cain, you know, you're in a position to do me a little favor. And maybe make a little something for yourself on the side. Say, what are you getting at, mister? Well, I'm playing Spoken Cain, so here it is in a nutshell. Now, I'm willing to forget that little debt and cut you in on the percentage of all I win betting on the series. Oh, you mean you're betting on the Giants to win? Say, you understand. You weren't born yesterday. I'm betting on the Giants to lose. Oh, see, you want me to throw a game and then you'll call everything square. Is that it? Yes, that's it. Get out of here. What? Get out of here before I bust you one in a nose. No, just a minute. You heard what I said, didn't you? I ain't throwing no ball game for anybody. No, listen, Rue, get out of here, I'll tell you. All right, all right. But get this, you'll either play ball my way or you won't play ball at all. No, how are you going to stop me? Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Yes, and there's more than one way to skin a set of knuckles, too. You get out of here before I lose my temper. Go on, keep your hands to yourself. I'm going. You've got your life here. But don't forget this. I've got plenty of dough on this series and I'm not going to lose it. I've been up against suckers like you before and I know just how to handle you. So long, Rue, four-flush and crook. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. Hey, Elmer the Great, starring Joey Brown with June Travis, continue shortly. While we are in the middle of the greatest baseball comedy of the season out here in Hollywood, the greatest baseball drama of the year is being enacted in New York. Today, the World Series between the Giants and the Yankees is at its peak. This week, the star of the Giants, Carl Hubble, and the Yankee slugger, Lou Gehrig, have their pictures on the cover of the magazine Time, an honor reserved for the outstanding personalities of the week. The Lux Radio Theatre is proud to present both these stars direct from New York. All right, New York, batter up. You know, Lou, I seem to remember you saying that the Yankees would win the World Series by Monday night. Well, Carl, can I help it if it rained last Thursday? It didn't rain today. No, and it didn't rain Thursday, either. I kind of wish it had, Lou. You Yankee sure gave it to me, Sunday, and your Homer sensed it. Well, I was lucky, Carl. It was the biggest curveball in the world, but it was about time. I'd batted against you for quite a while without even getting a loud foul, and that Schumacher was he tough today. He sure pissed a ball game. What was it he threw you when he struck you out in a third with the bases full? Or is that too personal? It's personal, all right. He threw me everything, and then he came through for the third strike with his Sunday pitch. It was a curveball, and I missed it a mile. I'll have to get him to teach it to me. You've got enough right now. What do you say we forget about today and talk about tomorrow? What's going to happen, anyhow? The Giants are a saint. If it's them, we'll show you more than you saw today. Oh, sure, the Giants are a saint. Just like they were in that 18-4 game. It's a good thing for you fellas we let up in that game yesterday. What do you mean let up? You got six runs in a ninth in them. That's when we let up. We were afraid if we made any more, you wouldn't show up for the third game. Say, Lou, you're a great hitter, all right. What's your average so far in the series? Oh, about 315. That's pretty good. Of course, I'm hitting 333 myself, but then everybody don't hit like a hubble. Watch us tomorrow, slugger. Lou, we've been doing a lot of ribbon here tonight. There's one thing I want the folks to know, and that is that last week you were voted the most valuable player in the American League for the fourth time. Yes, and I want the folks to know that you got the same award in the National League. Yes, but that was before they heard Joey Brown in Elmer the Great. Speaking of Joe, I bet it's tough on him missing the series. You know how crazy he is about baseball. I don't know. It seemed like he's pitching a pretty good game out in Hollywood tonight. By the way, Lou, who's going to pitch for the Yankees tomorrow? Looks like Gomez, and then we all go home for the rest of the winter. Why don't you have dinner with me tomorrow night, Carl? We're going to have Yankee bean soup, Yankee pot roast. Wait till after Wednesday and eat with me. I'll treat you to some of the best giant raspberries you ever saw. Sort of a celebration, you know. And then I'm going back to Mikro, Oklahoma and getting some hunting and fishing. What are you going to do after the series, Lou? Well, tomorrow night, I'm going to sleep about two days. And then I'll figure out some way of spending the big end of the series money. That'll be my toughest problem. No, Lou, your toughest problem will be to get the big end of the World Series. Well, Carl, we'll see about that tomorrow. So long. See you at the ballpark. Good night, Hollywood. Good night, Joey Brown. Keep pitching in there. Come to the final inning of Elmer the Great, starring Joey Brown and featuring June Travis. After turning down the gambler's proposition, Elmer pitched the opening game of the World Series and won it. Five games have been played since, and the score is now tied, three games to three. The winner of the next game will, of course, win the series. The night before the great battle, we find Elmer in a restaurant looking vaguely at the menu. A young lady approaches his table. Hello. Oh, oh, hello. You're Elmer Cain, aren't you? Yes, that's right. I thought I recognized you. I was sitting right over there at that other table, and I said to myself, I'll bet that's Elmer Cain, the famous pitcher. Yeah, I guess I am pretty well known all right. I should say you are. Your picture's always in the newspapers. But you know, I don't think they do you justice. You're really much handsomer in real life. Oh, go on. No, I mean it. Yeah? Well, you should have seen me when I was a baby. Sit down. Oh, Mr. Cain. What's your name? Oh, Dolly, Dolly Williams. Dolly Williams. Well, certainly I'm pleased to meet you, Dolly. I was just having a little snack. Will you join me? Oh, no, thanks. I didn't come over for that. All I want is an autograph. Oh, you mean you want my name written down? That's right. I'm making a collection, you know. Sure. Well, now wait. Let's see if I've got a piece of paper. Oh, I have one right here. And here's my fountain pen, too. See, that's kind of a big piece of paper for just my name. Well, I'll write it good and big. Right smack across the middle. Oh, no. No, look, just right down here near the bottom, a little bit to the right. You see, I want to paste one of your pictures in the center of the page. Oh, sure. Well, wait a second. You know, I've got to write it nice and plain. Capital E-L-M-E-R, comma, comma. Capital K-A-N-E, Cain. Elmer Cain. There you are. Oh, thank you, Mr. Cain, ever so much. Oh, that's all right. Anytime at all. Big heart at Elmer. Hello? Hello, is this Crabtree? Oh, this is Dolly Williams. Yeah, I got the SAP signature all right. Sure, right where you wanted it. On the lower right-hand corner of the paper. You can write anything you want above it and it'll look just like a signature to a letter. A letter signed by Elmer Cain, which definitely established that Cain was involved in a plot to throw the final game of the World Series. Upon questioning, Cain denied all of us who the veterans were. He never signed it. But it's all against him and he's out of the World Series. It's a tough break for the Giants. Well, this is Elmer Cain. Listen, Mr. Walker, I've been trying to get you on the phone all morning. They told me you won't speak to me. You've got to speak to me, Mr. Walker. Wait, you've got to believe me. I tell you, I don't know a thing about that letter. I swear I don't. I never throwed a ballgame in my life and you've got to let me pitch today. Elmer. Oh, gosh, boss. Oh, gosh, it's good to see you. I just got in. I heard about it last night and I came right away. I thought you might need somebody now. Yeah, yeah, I do, boss. How did it happen? Oh, I don't know. That's just it. I don't know what it's all about. You mean you didn't agree to throw the game? Of course I didn't. Nelly, I ain't no crook. But why are they all saying you are? Oh, it's that letter. Some fella came to the hotel last night and slipped a letter under Walker's door. It said that I got $10,000 from some gamblers and that I was going to allow a lot of hits this afternoon. It was like an agreement between me and the gamblers and at the bottom, my signature. Elmer. Yes, there it was in black and white. But I never signed nothing like that, boss. Was it really your signature? Yeah, that's the funny part about it. It was. Well, then you must have signed it, Elmer. No, no, I didn't, I tell you. You've got to believe me, boss. Oh, I do believe you, Elmer, but... Yeah, I know. I know. But it looks awful bad, don't it? Well, did you tell Walker you knew nothing about it? Sure I did. A lot of good it did me. The whole team was sitting around and not one of them thought that I was telling the truth. They wanted to beat me up. Oh, gosh, Nelly. I ain't got a friend in the world. Everybody's against me. Don't say that, Elmer. I'm not against you. And I'm your friend. Do you know that? Yeah, sure I know it. Gee, it was swellier to come, boss. I can't tell you what it means to have somebody to talk to. You don't have to leave right away, do you, boss? No, Elmer. I'll stay just as long as you want. You mean it? Of course I do. And I won't ever leave if you don't want me to. But I don't get you, boss. That's just it, Elmer. You do get me if you still want me. Nelly. Oh, gee, Nelly. No, no. No, you're just sorry for me. That's all. You're just taking pity on me. No, Elmer. It isn't that. Oh, sure it is. How could you love me now? How could you have anything to do with a guy like me? I thought I was a big shot. I went around blowing off like a steam engine. Well, what am I now? Just a hay seed. A hay seed crook. No, I ain't gonna let you do it, Nelly. Oh, Elmer, listen. This isn't anything new with me. You told me that you would love me for years. Well, I've loved you too. I sent you away because I thought it was the thing to do. I wanted you to make good. Well, you need me now, Elmer. You need me, and here I am. Oh, Nelly. Gosh. I ain't dreamin', Elmer. No, Elmer. Then could I kiss you? Of course you can. Oh, gee. Well, now, what are you going to do? Oh, I don't know. Guess I'll just pack my bags and go back home. Oh, no, not yet. Why not? Well, don't you see? It'll look like you're running away. You've got to stay and fight this thing out. Oh, what's the use? The game's gonna start in a few minutes. Now, never mind this game. Think of the future. I ain't got any future. Not in baseball, anyway. Walker's got that letter, and he won't even listen to me. Oh, Elmer, are you sure you didn't sign it? Of course I am. Gee whiz, I ought to know. Now, wait. It isn't a forgery, is it? Well, it don't look like it. All right. If it's genuine, you must have signed something, Elmer. But I tell you, I didn't. I ain't signed a thing. I ain't even... Wait a minute. An autograph. What? I signed an autograph. Elmer, where? In a restaurant. Oh, no, I mean on what? On a piece of paper. A big piece of paper. Elmer, was there anything else written on it? No, it was all blank. That's just what it is. Somebody got hold of that paper, and then they wrote the letter so it looked like that I signed it. Oh, Elmer, that's it. I'm sure that's it. Yeah, that's it. But how am I gonna prove it? Go to Mr. Walker and tell him the whole story. Oh, he wouldn't believe it. He might. No, not a chance. Well, see him anyway. Where is he? Over at the ballpark. Quick, jump in the cab and get over there right away. Okay, I'll do her. Where's my hat? Oh, never mind your hat. All right. I'll see you later, Nellie. So long, boss. And that's the honest truth, Mr. Walker. I signed that autograph, and then they wrote the letter afterwards. Just so as they could keep me out of this game. I'd like to believe it, Cain. No, there's a little too much against you. In the first place, I happen to know that you owe Walter Crabtree $5,500. A gambling debt. Yeah, that's right. But that don't prove nothing. Crabtree is betting on a tiger. He's the guy who's behind a whole business. He had that letter delivered to you, so you'd throw me off the team in a tiger's and win. No, it sounds a little bit too good, Cain. Too good to be true. And you won't let me pitch? Not for a million bucks. You better beat it now before the boys come in from practice. One of them might take a swipe at you. Wait a minute. Wait, Mr. Walker. Will you do one thing for me? Well, what is it? Well, will you let me take a look at that letter? What do you want with it? Oh, I just want to look it over, that's all. All right, if you think it'll do you any good. Let's see. Yeah. It's typewriter, ain't it? Well, anything wrong with it? No. I guess it ain't. That's your signature, isn't it? Yes. Elmer King. Hey. What? Hey, look. Look at what? Look at my name there. Well, what of it? Well, wait, you see where it says yours truly? Yeah. Well, look at the letter Y and the word truly. I'm looking at it. Well, don't you see? See what? That Y comes down and crosses over the L and Elmer. Wait a minute. I get it. It crosses over it, you see? Over it. The typewriter letter comes down and crosses over the letter that I wrote. Holy jeez. That proves it, Mr. Walker. That proves that all this typewriter stuff was put in after I signed the paper. Holy jeez. Now, you believe me now, don't you, Mr. Walker? I'll say I do. Then I can pitch the day? You bet your sweet life you can. Get out on that field and warm up. Warm up? Say I ain't been cool since February. On bass and a hit means the ballgame. But there's two down, folks, and don't you forget it. Game lines up. Here it comes. Sting called the catch-up for instructions. This may be the last pitch for all of the seasoned folks and little Elmer isn't taking any chances. He wipes his hands on his shirt. Now he's lining up. And here it comes. You were wonderful. Yes, I guess I was pretty good at that. Mr. Cain, will you say a few words to the radio audience? Radio, huh? Yes. Hey, wait a second. Wait a second. The last time I spoke over the radio, I was talking into an electric heater. This ain't no fake, is it? Of course not, Mr. Cain. There's a million people listening. Go ahead, Elmer. All right. Howdy, radio and baseball fans. Sirius is over, and I won the game for the Giants. I want to let you in on a little secret. Wasn't no surprise to me at all. The trouble is, say, right from the start, trouble is that a bashful fellow like I has got to make it look difficult. Otherwise, people wouldn't believe you. Say, I could go on for hours talking about myself and telling you how I've done it. Only I always say that a fellow should not brag about himself. And I've always made it a rule never to talk about myself. And in closing, I want to tell the followers, the New York Giants, that you don't have to worry none about the pennant again next year. As your old friend, Elmer Cain, will be out on the field in a Giants uniform. So long, folks. Oh, yes. And don't forget to read the story that's running the serially and all the newspapers next week. And before I forget it... Hello, Ma. You better start the cook's stove going. Me and Nellie are... Joey Brown goes to bat again in a few minutes when he returns to the microphone with June Travis. No man occupies a more exalted position in the theatrical world than tonight's guest, Dr. Max Reinhart. An energetic and inspired worker in the theater since he was 20. He has been responsible for more than 300 productions, exerting a tremendous influence on the international stage. In this country, we think of him chiefly in the light of two achievements, the stage version of the miracle and the motion picture production of Midsummer Night's Dream, now about to be shown in neighborhood theaters all over the country. He has just returned to Hollywood from Europe, where he produced Every Man and Faust and is now at work for Warner Brothers, preparing Sheridan Gibney's famous drama of the French Revolution, Danton. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Max Reinhart. There is one point, ladies and gentlemen, that our hosts neglect to mention. The fact that he was the first to acquaint me with Hollywood motion picture methods. That was several years ago, and I was his guest at the making of The King of Kings. I had a reason for not referring to that episode, as I recall that Dr. Motion Pictures at that time impressed you very slightly. Quite true. I saw silent films far too limited to become real drama, but with the coming of sound, the screen jumped further ahead in a few years than the stage had been able to crawl in centuries. And now you have the satisfaction of realizing that your production of Midsummer Night's Dream started a cycle of Shakespearean pictures. Romeo and Juliet has just been released here, while, as you like it, is running in England. Shakespeare, I think, has been greatly misrepresented. Scholars have tried to make him an artist who wrote only for the poetic and intellectuals. Nothing could be further from the truth. Shakespeare wrote for the entertainment of the average person. He is responsible for some of the greatest melodrama, the most delightful comedy, and the loveliest romances in all literature. And surely, his humor is not above the head of anyone. When Joey Brown played the part of Flute in the Midsummer Night's Dream, I felt he was exactly the comedian Shakespeare had in mind. And now that Shakespeare has come into his own in pictures, I am convinced he offers an equally great contribution to the radio. In his time, there was no elaborate stage scenery, no beautiful costumes, no stage technique. Hence, he wrote for the ear. His magic phrases fired an imagination. And to my mind, conveying a treasury of values for the radio. Perhaps someday we will hear them. And I know of no other man, no other program capable of giving them a finer, truer presentation than the man and the program responsible for so many entertaining hours in the past. Says he'll be the Mill and the Lux Radio Theater. To all of you, my thanks and good night. Good night, guys. And now tonight's stars. Ladies and gentlemen, June Travis and Joey Brown. It's okay now, but for a minute I thought this microphone was another one of those electric heaters. Well, Mr. DeMille, I want to thank you for making me a ball player once again. Playing Elmer was quite different from playing Flute in a Midsummer Night's Dream. In that picture, I had to wear long yellow curls and murmur sweet nothings to Jimmy Cagney. After your performance tonight, Joe, you can play ball for Lux Flakes anytime. And I don't mean on the scrub team. Thank you. I used to be pretty good as a cleanup man. And before our side is retired, Mr. DeMille, may I say that since coming to Hollywood, there's been nothing I've enjoyed more than this appearance on the Lux Radio Theater. Good night. Tonight, Mr. DeMille, I'm heading for the shower. Good night, Joe. Good night, Joe. Thank you, Joey Brown and June Travis. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your announcer, Melville Ruick. Word of next week's play comes to us shortly for Mr. DeMille. Dr. Rax, Max Reinhart and June Travis appeared through courtesy of Warner Brothers, Mr. DeMille Paramount and Lewis Silver's 20th Century Fox, whose new film, Ladies in Love, was musically arranged by Mr. Silver's. And here's Mr. DeMille. Next Monday night, the Lux Radio Theater stars Ginger Rogers in The Curtain Rises. Ginger came to Hollywood as a singer and is now a dancing star. And next week adds a dramatic triumph to her repertoire. In Benjamin K's story of a girl who fought romance and passed her by, featured with Miss Rogers, will be an all-star cast. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theater presents The Curtain Rises, starring Ginger Rogers with an all-star cast. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.