 I want to welcome everybody at Creep's Purves and Scheisters support group. We're starting out tonight right with some good songs. Alright, so a little bit about our bylaws for all of you newcomers. We have dedicated ourselves and aligned ourselves with these five principles. Not by binoculars or used binoculars. Field cameras are for the purpose of videotaping ourselves only. The privacy of our own homes. Shades drunk. Things happen. Things happen all the time like that. We make mistakes. We hurt ourselves for making those mistakes. Every once in a while we'll go off the wagon and that's when you have to come here. Number five. Each one of us is a snowflake. Individual. Just like the snowflakes that we like to look at, touch, fondle. Better to fondle a snowflake. I'm going to tell you about my week. This week I, as you all know, I am very excited, excitable when people enter water and go up to their knees and get freaked out and run back to the shore. That's my thing. I try to not go to the pond but I win. And I watch three people of different genders and ages go into the water, up to their knees and get freaked out because it's cold. But then I went home and I watched Friday Night Lights and I ate Friday Night Lights. I did it as a way of punishment. I ate corn chips. You all know how much I ate corn chips. I sucked on the corn chips like, you know that's your thing Gary. So we all have a crepe and a permanent side of us and this is the place for us to feel open about it. Let's all take a breath. Good. It's really weird, you know, these people exist. They're strange. They're out there. They're out there, they're everywhere. And I'm hoping that through this process, through this show tonight, everybody watching out there live tonight as well, that you feel like you are going to get okay with your crepe and your permanent side. Because that's what this is all about. That's what this is all about. We're just going to kind of get into it. I want to tell you about something that happened to me about five years ago. Was having a really difficult time and no one was more like six years ago. Five, six years ago, five years ago, six years ago. I was living in Vermont. We were living in Vermont. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake to live in Vermont. It looked great on people. It looked wonderful on people living in Brattleboro. There's nothing against Brattleboro. I think Brattleboro is a wonderful place. It's just not for me. Everybody knew if I had a toe fungus and I hadn't even told anyone, it's like their radars were up. It's like, hey, I heard you had a tofu sandwich. How was that? It's like, how did you know? How did you even know that? There was no anonymity. But anyway, I was starting to kind of come to terms with a lot of my anxiety and my depression and kind of dealing with all these different things. And I had this major panic attack. And during that panic attack, I started to twitch and I started to have these jerky movements and things that would happen with my voice that I couldn't necessarily control. And I took some kind of tranquilizer thing and he calmed me down. But since then, I've had this happen. And it usually happens when I'm at home. And it usually happens when I'm watching television. And it usually happens when I'm really, really relaxed. And I just do that. It's very enjoyable for my wife. She thinks it's fun. But it luckily doesn't happen in public too often. And I wonder, because the thing with having this kind of strange, and I've done a lot of research, I think I have like this minor kind of like 10% Tourette syndrome thing going on, is that, you know, you're just walking down the street and it's like, And I luckily don't do that. But there are people who do. And the thing is, is that there are people who then will point a finger and say, like, did you hear that? So I took a photo of them, made a hashtag and put it all over the place. And now he lost his job. Good for me. And it's true. I mean, these things do happen now. It's like you say something out in public. And somebody can tweet about that and put it on Facebook. It can blow up and ruin your life. And as a person who's very much public, because, look at you all staring at me, I've been in a position where I can say a lot of weird shit because it's under this kind of like entertainment theater. I mean, he's all in quotes because I don't know what I'm doing right now. Performing thing. Through that, I have this kind of license to say, you know, you know, fucking shit and all different sorts of words that I really enjoy thoroughly. And people take them into consideration as not a big deal. But if I was walking, I really feared that if I was walking down the street at this time in my life, and I was just like, that could freak some people out. And it reminds me of this one guy that I actually saw in Brattleboro. I called him the hip hop Tourette's guy. Because he would walk down the street out of nowhere. He would just be like, yo! And then he would keep walking. Normally, no problem, nothing, nothing going on. And then all of a sudden he'd be like, huh! Nothing. Just walking and you would just kind of like do these kind of like calls to action. And it was great, but I wonder how many people were creeped out by this guy. Who knows what was going on with him. And that's that weird thing. Like, I'm really interested in weirdos to a point. Like, I like weirdos who are nice weirdos, who are fun weirdos, who are weirdos, who are kind weirdos. I don't like people who are like, we should totally have some chocolate together. Do you like chocolate? I can tell you do. Me too. I mean, I like putting chocolate in my mouth. I can't hang out there. You know, just like, I can't just kind of move my mouth. I don't want my tongue pushing it up. Do you like crack? I like to do that with you. You know what else I like with chocolate is caramel. I like to call it caramel because caramel sounds weird to me. It reminds me of this broker that I have once today. I'm going to tell you about her. I'm going to tell you about her right now for about an hour. And it's just like, you don't want that. You don't want that if you like. There's a fine line. There's a fine line between all of these things. Like, for instance, I'm very, very fascinated by perversion and what people might consider perversion. When I was in this lounge act with my friend Jason, it was great. We would grow moustaches when we performed. I mean, we were dedicated. And I wore this purple suit, which I've worn a few times around here. Some people call it a room. We can get into a debate later. But we had this song called Full Time Student. And the premise of Full Time Student was a guy who was basically stalking this mom who had like three kids and he was sitting in a man outside of her house and watching her and following her around. And he was singing about how he could do better for her. He could do better than her husband. And the chorus was, you know, I'm a full time student. A full time student for you. And some people loved that God was this amazing song. But some people thought I actually was this person. Which was weird, you know? Because when you're like at the top of your lungs singing a torch song, you know? She's a boy! But you get that there's a character going on, right? Have we made that distinction yet? That the people that I'm playing are not me and not me? Have you figured that out yet? Are you okay? Do you know what's going on right now? Are you confused about whether I am the people that I have been? Are you thinking that I'm me right now? I'm not. I'm a version of a version of myself and that's okay. So it's like this strange thing where it's just people will call somebody a perv and then they will talk at length about their interest in BDSM. This is strange to me. It's a strange thing. Yeah, I mean, I totally like getting tied up. Kind of like a pig, you know, like this. Or like this. And just, you know, basically just getting pummeled as hard as possible. To somebody else who's just staring at the two people talking about this thing in a coffee shop and they think the person staring at them is a perv because they're staring at them talking about this. You see the strange disassociation that is happening with this dissociation. Dissociation, disassociation. This disassociation. This, this. Associate, associate, associate. Associate lets you and me together right now. Let's do both. How do we say? Associate. Right. Who's a psychologist? Emily? Good. People put their good money in a bed and stool because they're stupid. So what I do is I go, I go in to their house and I have this bedroom drawer because they have a bed and a wide screen now. I just pull up the mattress. I take the money. And then I pee on it. I pee all over it because I hate money. I hope you hate money. And then I put it all back. I dry it. I sun it. You know, I'm an environmental about this. I don't put it in a dryer. And then I put it back. And just knowing that there's just tainting and the thing is, is urine is clean so I don't hurt anybody. And it just makes me feel good inside. You know, it makes me feel awesome. There's just money that's been placed on by me. And then people are using it. And then maybe one day I'll try and find it again. At George Washington, at Abraham Lincoln, you know all the presidents. Because he was just president. He was celebrating. I love presidents. And Grover. The names are president and Grover. I hope that I get to be president so I can change my name like Obama did. His name is like Henry or something, right? I don't know anything about politics. I just know that money's fucked up. So, you know, I mean, it's one of those things where I'm constantly going back and forth between, well, do people who meet is what? Do people see me as like a creep? Not recently that I'm a grub. You know what a grub is? It's a person who is, you know, a grown-up, older than they used to be, who still kind of maybe presents themselves in a way where they look much younger. I mean, you know, I got a hard-core sweatshirt hoodie over there. I'm 40, you know. I wear fucking hard-core metal t-shirts. You know, I'm a grub. So, does that creep people out? Like, you know, when people like find out that it's like, ooh, you're 40, you're like 28. If I were, like, going through your Saturn returns, ooh, ooh, like, what's up? Like, why are you dressed like, why are you wearing a polo shirt, ooh? You should identify yourself as being 40. Like, aren't you an accountant? Like, ooh, my God, I saw this guy the other day. He was like, 40? He was like, cool looking. He was like, gross? What the fuck is disgusting? What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Like, I'd say things. You know, I'd be talking about my privilege, and you knew what I was talking about, gross. It's like, let me educate you. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. It was like, it was like he was a teacher. You know, like teacher age, gross. So I went, you know, I wonder about that. I wonder if people are freaked out by my age. I'm not freaked out by my age. I'm very happy about my age. I think it's wonderful. But I wonder if it puts me in that domain, you know. Does that put me in a weird domain? Because, you know, like dirt, like, there's, and the thing with these three particular words that I chose for tonight, and I was thinking about this today. Creeps, purrs, and shysters. You don't usually call a woman any of those things. It's all aimed at men. Okay? Okay? In other words. And so, I wonder, like, if you, like, what does this happen? I mean, how many, let's see a show of hands. Like, how many of you have ever called, you know, a female or someone who identifies as a female, a purr? There you go. Okay? We just did some market research. We found out that no one in America has ever called, and maybe parts of Canada, half representation with Nambok in Canada. So let's just say the whole North America. Nobody has ever called. Okay? Wow, she's creepy. Same thing. Oh, Sharon? Well, you don't count. That's, you know, I've also heard you call a lot of those things. Okay. And really, the big one for me tonight is, like, what's the popularity of shyster? Like, how many people are using that on a daily basis? So, we're going to take it out of the lexicon tonight. Let's just rip it out, because shyster doesn't work really well, because people aren't really sure what to do with that word anymore. Right? No. It's hard. It's hard. It's difficult. What's hard? Is something hard right now? Who's hard? Are you? It's okay. It's okay. No, no, no, no. It's fine. The thing is, is we all get turned on by different things. And tonight, this is what this is about, in one sense, is to figure out if I want to be okay with the fact that if you are hard in various places in your body, it's alright. It's okay to be a hard person. If you're hardened emotionally, maybe you're hardened in your genitalia, maybe you're hard in your brain, maybe you're hard in your DNA, you're hard-hanging pig-lack. Maybe you're a pig-lack wife. About 2,000 sharing my wife over there. I always point to her with my pinky finger, because I feel like that's an appropriate thing to do. Right over there. She came home with a DVD and it blew my mind. It was incredible. This is something that I had been wanting to see for quite a while. She got her hands on it because her friend, a friend of ours, was doing something and sounding the conference and there was a lot of when you do the rah-rah going on, new aging, when you do the rah-rah, and so there was somebody walking around with an intro to this particular class workshop weekend called the Pleasure Course. The Pleasure Course was all about pleasure. Obviously, hence the name, but we got to watch the intro to this where two people were the founders of this talk in this very circular pattern about nothing at all. But the people that they had in the video were so excited so excited about what this was going to be. We knew it had something to do with sex or opening up your sexuality or trying to do with something that had to do with pleasure but we weren't really sure what it was. But it was phenomenal how checked out everybody was. Like they would be talking about the great things about this weekend is you're totally taking care of it. Where's the pleasure in that? We're going to feed you. We're going to feed you back. We're going to feed you. And isn't that great? And you feel that pleasure in your arms relax. It's going to be incredible. It's going to be amazing. When I asked my partner to be my partner and then to be more than just my partner she wasn't really ready to be more than a partner. She was just ready to be a partner. And I realized that there was pleasure in that. There was pleasure in partner and I didn't need more than partner just you. That means to just be a P without the big P. Just a little P. Pleasure, partner, together. Now, what? And so I decided with my friend Matt we had already done a video called Yoga Kick. You can all go to my YouTube channel if you want. I'll give it to you. It's free. It's a marshal form of yoga that they've developed. But we decided to take it up a notch. That was totally big. So we decided to start something called the Randy Course. And Randy was a person who had made this course after himself and it just so happened that Randy can also be a kind of tool. So Randy basically was giving a course, like a pleasure course and it's nine minutes of complete and harder cringe. I had a hard time watching this video. I'm in it. I acted in it. My friend Mattie edited the thing down. There's one point where you can't see him but he's in a tub and he's holding a woman they're kind of in this embrace and she's just pretending to sob. They're both pretending to sob and she's saying you found your dick. And it was just this awful, awful thing. But there's a beauty there's a beauty in this. There's so many people who want to connect so desperately with one another. They want to just have that. It doesn't matter what the connection is. They want to be able to just have some kind of something. And so they are willing to completely change the way that they talk at in the world in order to have that connection with people. And if it turns out that they need to get naked and feed somebody else a strawberry to do that, so be it. I got to do this folks. I got to I don't know this is what the scorpions have done since 1980. It really works for them. They do. They do. And one guy gets up on here the other one on here. I got another guy over there. Do you ever hear the scorpions where they say love? They can't even say love. Oh you're not dead! Just having your legs open. What I'm experiencing right now cannot be managed at all. There's absolutely no way that you can have the same experience sitting there doing whatever you're doing. Wearing your little hat. Right? Put your hands together. Folks, this is it. I'm feeling it. Is that like, you know, maybe some of you read that like in the friggin article on I'm not saying friggin I am, I just did. I like to get uncomfortable just going in a whole other direction. Like I'm severely like this isn't okay. What I'm doing right now is so not right. And yet I'm doing it anyway. And some of you are having a really hard time. Because if you are wondering we're having a hard time while other people are enjoying themselves. It's okay. Back to messy assignment. But she's did it. So there's I mean there's just something like odd about all of that. And I mean in this, you know just sit like this. Think it's alright. I mean it does. It opens up. I mean, you know, yeah, yeah. My first, second and third chakra are in fucking fire right now. But that's not the point. But it is because I am taking over the energy field of this room right now. All of you are having to sit in these very conditioned postures while I'm open. I am like a Lois Bouda Jesus Christ Superstar when it was good before high school started doing it. The first production of hair just that's it. I'm just like the whole cast because I've never seen any of their reviews. Just like I always used to see this. Ready? You know what that is? Cats. Cats is a pervy, creepy, awful play that people think is amazing. What is okay about getting into these like one piece suits getting all fetishy with a cat face and being like like what is that? That is not okay. Now if Michael McDonald as we all know Michael McDonald was in cats that would have been front, center, row loving that shit up. That would have been believable. That didn't happen. Also no diamond. If Neil Diamond was in that shit this is the guy who sounds like he's in pain. I mean it's just incredible. You're like this is we're in this work there are people and they're going to there's no subways around here we know this but if you've ever been on one and there's somebody and they're holding a pole like this why is the thing they want you to they want you to watch them you know just pointing their fingers and doing it on this changes the whole thing. What is this? Why is it that like I'm dancing with the stars it cannot be like and that's alright people are like oh it was great I go to these arts conferences and I see this stuff I get up on stage and I say fuck and people are like oh my the big ones so yeah people freak out but then like these people from like was kind of like dancing with the stars and asked with American Idol thing happens sitting on a table and these arts conferences they're very interesting because at lunchtime a booking agent or a particular person who's got this kind of show of the big design will be like 15 grand to perform for 15 minutes in front of a whole conference because these are the people who are going to be booking their seasons for the next two years and so there was this kind of weird mashup of this like American Idol and dancing with the stars and it's kind of like the people who got it like came in ninth on American Idol you know and they'd come out and be like alright and then these amazing dancers like incredible dancers would come out doing these choreographed things but they were like the projects of Hollywood dancers it was just like it's like they were very lingerie so I can't say the F word but they can get up there and be like I'm just fine it's not perverted, it's not creepy it's all teeming but it sells tickets, it does there's just kind of a strange like line with that that's really interesting to me it's not that I need to say fuck it's not a big deal but it's just a work it's just like one work it's not going to end the world like we're not going to die whenever I said it in front of my grandmother I put the nail in Jesus's hand and it's just like no, no, no, no, no it's just a work but for some reason there's just this kind of strange thing so why is that not okay but then somebody who frequently say a strip club is seen as a perp disgust good we've come to a conclusion and in conclusion I'm really not that way it's pretty incredible have you ever had a microprocess like that before it's pretty amazing basically what just happened in case you missed it is I put something out there I told you all to talk about it you had an opportunity and you didn't and so I have figured out your brain chemistry as well as just the general premise of how your emotions work throughout your body if you find a way you really should get your blood cell count checked out but there's something that just happened and it's pretty phenomenal and it's that we're still not okay with what we consider to be societal un-norms and norms and therefore we won't go beyond that fine, if you go to a strip club like you're getting married the next time it's just your last night so Johnny a good time not a big deal and you know he's had a couple of drinks a couple of dollars one of them she told me she's going to school she's getting an education it's great we're helping her get through college and so again there's like disconnect, disconnect, disconnect, disconnect you want to do and think about and kind of get to like there's this like thought or pattern or research it's all the same that like men think about sex like every 40 seconds or 30 seconds or 4 seconds one of those I forget which one and like okay so like what's what does that mean and I talked about this a few times but we're animals we're insane people who think we're insane animals who make buildings and water supply systems and put sugar on things and then we give it to other people and we're like he's great I don't know I made it it's wonderful it's my mother's recipe I love it but we're monkeys we're crazy we're like that's it let's get down to it and the fact of the matter is I hate when I say that damn it I say fact of the matter one too many times and I'm not going to do it anymore the next time you hear me saying fact of the matter it's not tonight so the conclusion is this being a sex part in every single culture that exists because I have resources and money I've been to a desert I've been to places in the water as well as now I've been to places where a little bit before the things I've seen I can tell you this everyone everyone has the motivation to have sexual relations in the entire world in this universe there is to have a conveying a perversion depending it is easy for us to understand that it is just a mechanism of an emotional psychological and psychological aspect of ourselves that is no meaning through the somatic system one thing that gets me going is not something that gets you learning give me a little whiskey by a fire and I'm happy but that isn't and I call it that because I have control and you do too you should read my book please read my book someone read my book it's 900 pages but it goes into the historical analysis of the sexuality that has happened since the beginning of time all through three wives eight dogs a lot of guacamole it gets to this point where I say to you if you became a thesis go and do it anymore how about next minute to grab some orange juice and take a look hello orange juice how are you okay? I want to forgive you not that good I want to forgive you also I just want to let you know you've done so much for me and though you're acidic and I shouldn't drink one an empty stomach I love you but you know we're at this point where we just have to be okay with ourselves and we're not going to because for one thing Wilbud he said this to me so you're never going to be satisfied with this stuff and I said no no I won't because there's too much to improve there's too much work to be done there's too much humans I didn't say any of this I just said no I just said no that was the end of the conversation and he moved on and I believed that I had some chocolate covered potato chips you want me we're going to be okay you have some nice cocoa quick you want some salad you want to be vegetarian all of a sudden you want to roll around on the ground and your own feces go ahead I'm not going to stop that's not my problem what I'm going to do is to just let you know that you're okay in my book and I'm not even ready to go but if I do read a book and I have it right one occasion if I end up writing a book and I eventually read you'll be in it it was so nice something a little weird a little strange in a good way some of you some of you want to think about that and shoot that but most of you enjoy your feces the next time you see a wizard or a giraffe or a car think of me so we're going to we're going to pull on our clothes and talk to our clothes because we're naked and I thought I was a guy and I felt okay with it I had some ketchup and a little meeting and I pulled up together and I had a special song sometimes eating butter is better with chocolate sometimes it's better just in my mouth alone I don't know what happens to me at any point during any of this time but I do know that it's enjoyable and that I hope that it continues to be that way for you I'm really happy that I can stick the microphone in my mouth to prove any kind of point because it would have just probably electrocuted me for one thing and tasted bad and you would just act in love it's just like it's just like it's just like it's just like it's just like it's just like it's not a cheesepord it's just what it's just so strange just like I don't even watch a medical as this is for me so yeah this has been great you're all wonderful in your own ways we're going to stop now it's always hard at this time it's always difficult every time it's incredibly difficult because this is a very doing yourself sort of thing there's been times where I just go over and shut off the lights with my feet or you know as you can see I don't have there's not, this isn't a theater and I don't have an end obviously I didn't think about one I didn't want to and that is my fault because it is it is my obligation to you as an audience to come up with a significant beginning middle and end and there was definitely a beginning I just skipped over the middle and now we're here and I'm really in the library but I have no way of creating any kind of closure so so we can continue which I'm okay with there's plenty more in there or I can go across the hall and have a little night camp the fuck calls in there a little night camp why would anyone go with anyone it's like you've had this wonderful night it's been incredibly most romantic evening in the world you've scared each other's eyes in four minutes like the New York Times told you to and then they got you know it's just like you fall in love it's like you're on my camera it's like it would ruin it would you come and spend it for me so don't go with anyone who wants to give you a night camp