 So today, we're going to talk about the things people do that actually repels good men and women from our vortex of finding love And I'm really excited to bring into my coach in the house Sabrina rising. So welcome Sabrina. Thank you Jonathan. Thank you It's good to be yeah So we're gonna dive right into it So I want to share with you a bumble profile And I want you to we're gonna read it or I'll have you read it out loud what you can see And then we're gonna talk about this. Can you see that? Yes, I can see that. Okay, so I'm ego This is a non-negotiable, right? Yeah, this is a female While and her non-negotiable reads an ego centric Narcissist never been married no contact with his kids Expecting women to fawn over him jackass wasting my time I Saw this I had to take a screenshot And I had to share it with you because to me that is riddled with so much sub conscious, you know Energy is very telling. I can't imagine You know, I mean we are always attracting to us the You know things that are a match for the vibration that we're holding, you know, yeah a lot of energy there There's a lot of very specific energy there, right? There's a lot of unresolved anger bitterness resentment Obviously some deep hurt and some deep wounds that this person has experienced You know, you can sort of you know, see all her scars, right? I'm kind of out there on display and I think most people are doing that and without being aware You know, this is something we do unconsciously because the subconscious mind is Responsible and I say this all the time as you know The subconscious mind is responsible for 90% of everything that we are manifesting into our lives, right? So wait, can we can you really quickly differentiate between the subconscious mind and unconscious is I? Yeah, I sometimes mix up the two just invite communication. I really do think they're interchangeable. They are yeah They are that you know, there is there's different schools of thought on it There's the obviously the conscious minds is self-explanatory. That's the part that we're aware of what we remember You know the part of you that that hears this conversation and remembers it clearly You know, and then there's the the subconscious mind, which is really our felt experience everything that is is being recorded for us on on On a deep cellular level that we don't necessarily have access to you know with the felt Feelings, you know when something unpleasant happens and we don't process it fully, you know The rest kind of store gets stored unconsciously subconsciously. So unconscious It's simply sort of the bridge that says I'm not aware of this part of my Thinking or this part of my felt experience. Okay, so let's bring it back to this woman's profile because I Immediately read it and you know, and I'm a lay person out there and I'll be candid with you It just totally turned me off. I mean she could add the most amazing photographs on the planet But it still was an absolute turnoff because like you said, I think it represents a lot of deep pain and It's being projected, you know And and now it's being projected out to the world because now it's public. Yeah. Yeah I mean the profile might as well read I've been so hurt and I have been so jaded and I'm so guarded and all of my walls are up And you know, I can see if you're gonna hurt me like I already see you, you know So don't contact me type of thing And that's basically what that profile says, you know, and so I think that for anybody who is, you know Putting themselves out there and wanting to date and wanting to attract love or you know Relationship any kind of relationship. It's really important that we become aware self-aware of what we are Projecting out into the universe, right? And so if you have a conscious desire to create loving partnership But you have a subconscious belief that it's not possible for you or you're not lovable or love is not safe or love is a struggle or love is You know, you're gonna get hurt, right? Or that no good men out there or whatever your inner dialogue is that you may not necessarily Some of that you might be aware of but you're not fully aware of how it's affecting you in your life And how powerful it is, right? We might say hey, I'm a positive thinker or positive speaker and yet in those Unconscious moments the moments we're aware of right? We're like, oh, you know, I can't afford that or I can't do this or this isn't You know sure like we you can hear the inner the inner critic the inner dialogue that comes up and said and doubts the process that really does You know the possibility of attracting love. Okay, so the other day I was talking to a perspective client and she immediately started to go into what's wrong with the dating process and you know and I felt like the energy was so Strong in the negative that I felt like in that moment There was almost no room to convince her otherwise, you know, like if and to some degree, you know I to the extent that I want to validate someone's experience or at least let me reframe that Acknowledge someone's experience. I don't want to necessarily fall, you know into the trap of of agreeing that it that's an absolute but I think there was almost this unconscious Mindset going on that she immediately is already starting behind the eight, you know Behind the football field or whatever the expression is behind the eight ball Yeah Well, first of all as a facilitator the last thing you want to do is meet people is enable, you know Anyone to stay committed to their story. Yeah, whatever story is not working for them, right? And so our job as facilitators is to remind The people that we're coaching, you know, what's possible, right? Now if someone is not open to possibility, right? Like it really takes to there's two main ingredients to making a successful transformational conversation between And and you know client and that is in my humble opinion the facilitator being willing to serve, you know coming from Coming from a empathetic genuine interest in serving the highest and best good of whoever you're talking to and The person receiving that information is open and willing. Yeah You're not coachable and you don't believe it's possible and you don't actually believe in change and you don't really want help You just want to be validated, right? And that's there's a big difference between, you know, having someone agree with our pain and validate our Versus having someone give us empathy and then offering us another perspective, right? And when a person's in pain the most effective thing we can do is give empathy You got to give empathy before education, right? Empathy is Acknowledgement the same as empathy because I certainly acknowledge someone's experience, but I don't necessarily want to Go down to that level either because I feel like a granite that might be empathy And I by the way, I can certainly empathize because I believe that but I don't want my consciousness to agree with that either Empathy and agreement are not the same thing. Okay. Okay, you can come to me and say, you know There's just no good women out there. You know, there's no nobody there's nobody out there Who's who's ever gonna help you was ever gonna meet my need in relationship was ever gonna love me the way I want to be loved Yeah, and and I would say, you know, I can hear that you've had a lot of painful experiences Yeah, you're the pain in everything you're sharing and I can acknowledge that must be very hard for you So what I've done is I've acknowledged you and I've offered empathy, but I haven't agreed with you Okay, got it got it got it. Okay Well, I just wanted to be clear on that because I think a lot of people and even coaches, you know They go down and agree it and all they do is continue the process of having them in this victim or this unconscious mindset of Almost victim hood like this woman to me feels like victim consciousness. Yeah, well, I mean, yes there's only two consciousness this fear-based consciousness and Okay, consciousness, which is the empowered creator consciousness, right? So, um, of course if you feel like you've been victimized and and that's not this we're not trying to diminish someone's experience. We're not trying to Invalidate someone's experience and we're not trying to lack empathy, right? We need to have empathy in order to heal when someone feels that they've their their feelings have been Considered right and that you feel seen and recognized in their experience then we can create an opening and saying, you know What if I told you that it didn't have to be that way? What if I Possibility of something different, right? And then you can offer people examples of other people you've worked with or other, you know Success stories and things like that of things that happen every day every day, you know in Miracles happen for everyday people all the time, right? And so in just introducing that possibility and for most people it's just a matter of, you know Having someone hold that space for them. Sure. Sure. You believe it's possible So coming back to this person and where I wanted to go with regard like the title is repelling good men is that I Suspect this person has a desire to be in relationship like a real desire to be in relationship At the same time the other side of the coin is I'm afraid I don't trust There's no, you know, there's you know, they're you're jackasses your narcissist You know, there's only married man on the dating sites. I mean, it's almost Counterintuitive to the desire. Yes But the subconscious is sabotaging it all Well, and here's the thing, you know I mean, I I agree that the subconscious mind can sabotage what the conscious mind has an intention for because Simply because there's they're not in alignment Right, you're not what you're not in alignment if you have a desire to create meaningful lasting love But as I said earlier, but you have a subconscious belief that there's nothing good jackasses out there or narcissists or whatever You know, this person is saying in the dating profile that you introduced at the beginning If you believe that it's not possible for you the subconscious mind wins every time It wins every time and it just all it's doing is playing out the belief, right? the belief system is Influencing every cell in your body and every cell in your body is emitting that frequency and that we're attracting to ourselves Everything that is like ourselves. So if you believe that life is hard You're going to attract experiences that are difficult that are a struggle that are hard because we Accumulate the evidence of our beliefs. This is part of the lived human experience, right? We are out there accumulating, you know The evidence of the belief about wealth health Relationships everything everything that we learned as children and everything that we've accumulated Throughout the course of our lives that has lined up with our subconscious beliefs We have the evidence for that and we can say this is the way it is because I have proof of that, right? So our job as facilitators or anyone willing to do some real inner work is to look at What we are holding on to subconsciously? How are we out of alignment with what we consciously desire? You know, how am I hurting myself when I say I want something? But I'm putting all this other negativity out there and I essentially cancelling out my desires, right? How am I doing this? So I remember Shortly after my divorce when I began internet dating and I'll tell you this quick story I may have shared this with you before but I remember I went on the first date with someone had a really nice date and But something wasn't quite right and then a few days later I went on another date with a nice woman and something wasn't right and another date with a nice woman Something wasn't right and within one year. I actually had over a hundred first dates. Wow. Yeah I mean I was like doing them two or three a week kind of thing Well, you know what I was also I had the time, you know, I wanted the company I mean there was it was also fulfilling a lot of Wounded needs inside of myself, but I realized after one year. I go wait a minute You know like I look back and I said, what's the common denominator in all this? It was me Like I had to go through all of these experiences to really say wait a minute The problem isn't the women the problem is me and That's when I began a jury. That's when I literally I remember the movie the secret came out at that time I'd already read the book Louise Hayes book. You can heal your life So I was like, let me revisit that and it began my journey of healing but it so what does it take for someone to become aware of How our subconscious mind is unc you know like our our behavior like what's it take for someone to like turn the corner for me It took a lot of smacks upside the head. Yeah Well, it's you know, I love the iceberg analogy Like, you know, we have the conscious mind is like the 10% of what we're aware of that you can see right Yeah, you can what's on the surface what you can see what you can access what you can Shift in the moment and then there's what's what's underneath the surface, which is, you know The bulk of the iceberg which is the subconscious mind. That's 90% of again what we're creating and and you know, I love this question Real inner work cannot happen unless we are exploring the depths of our subconscious experience. Okay The way there's real own three ways in which we can truly explore what's happening for us on a subconscious level Is to look at our reactions reactions Second way is to look at our What we're calling it and the third way is to examine our dreams Okay, well, we're gonna talk about one of my dreams in in a few minutes Did you see those little thumbs up? Oh, maybe YouTube agrees with me Yeah, so okay, so our reactions is what triggers us, right? Okay, when I'm all of a sudden angry or afraid or upset or triggered by anything Okay, it's because there is something in my subconscious mind that was just has just been poked, right? There's something coming up for me that's stored for me on it on a cellular level that's coming up for healing I would say it's coming up to be cleared and to to be resolved Okay, we're not all of a sudden upset about something right usually so something will trigger a wound It's been there our whole lives as you heard me say before By the way, I didn't know you were gonna bring this up, but you know, I did a post this morning on triggers Can I read it to you real quick? Yeah, so it just there was a meme that went into it But I want to read the post it said have you ever been triggered when this happens We often go inward feeling pain for just a moment and then blame the person persons or circumstances that caused Or circumstances that we perceived caused the pain and lame is the avoidance mechanism Because the way I see it a trigger is an opportunity to heal a part of self that feels scared or unloved Of course, what if the pain is a precursor for healing so Of course it is always is and this is universal truth What we're whatever is triggering us in the moment is is triggering a wound that's been there for a very long time So it's a really take a deep look at it Say, you know, I constantly get triggered by this specific issue There must be something happening for me subconsciously that says, you know This is unfair or life is unfair or I'm not safe or whatever the subconscious belief is okay. Yeah What went so that's reactions and we look at our attractions. This is the easy part We look at what we're manifesting, you know, what's going on in your life, right? What kind of people are you attracting? What kind of things are happening to you? You know, do you feel like? Bad things happen to you all the time or do you feel like, you know, you just can't catch a break Or do you feel like you don't have luck or do you feel like, you know, great things? You know, you have luck or great things are happening all the time Whatever the case may be you look at what you're calling in and that is a really good indication of what you're holding subconsciously The other part we talked about is dreams, right? And when you look at the escape, especially when you're working with a guide, for example If you're working with someone who is helping you explore, you know, your subconscious Experience, you know, similar to the work that I do You know, when you're in a safe container, you might find that you start to dream more, right? And the reason this happens is because Conscious minds tells the subconscious mind, hey, by the way, we're in a safe place, right? So you can give me all your stuff Give me all your stuff that you want processed and released that we can deal with, you know In the light of day, let's come out of the shadow and deal with this in the light of day and And and speak to your guide about this, right? This is now it's coming up to the surface to be processed Well speaking of which then let's talk about the dream I had that I shared with you the other day Okay, let's talk about I want to do this. So we're gonna for everyone. Listen. I actually I think it was last week I I had a dream and it was so vivid and I will say Since working with Sabrina, my dreams have been really like I wake up and going I got to write this down. It's so You know, like I mean really Really strong, you know with this and from the sense that I remember it kind of thing It doesn't fade away right away And so while I'm even sharing this dream and even though I took notes I I still visual I can still feel it um I was walking down a flight of stairs With a woman and it was a date And we get to A parking lot and we get in I get inside a car that happened to be like a Ford Bronco Um, I think it was OJ Simpson Bronco, but I could be mixed And I go wait a minute. This isn't my car So then we get out and I go there's my car and it's a Porsche Um, which I used to own one And but I realized I forgot the key upstairs So I go upstairs and she ends up getting into the driver's seat and I'm sitting in the passenger seat Giving her directions to where we're going and as I'm we're driving I realize I forgot where we're going I just forgot where we're going and um And I forgot I forgot the restaurant and I forgot The event that we were going to like I completely and now I'm getting panicky I just said keep driving north. That's all I remember saying it was in Los Angeles Like if we were on Crenshaw Boulevard in the south bay, I just said just drive north I know we'll get there if we just drive north Yeah And then I call up my friend who recommended the restaurant and he goes. Oh shoot. I don't remember what I told you And then I woke up roughly about this time, so I'm giving everyone the cliff note of what happened Let me see if there's any other So many like there's so much good information in this dream about what you're dealing with subconsciously Yeah, I mean, obviously this is the work I do. So, you know as a person who you know Explores helps people explore the subconscious mind. Um, I will Uh analyze your dream for you if you can allow for that. Um, so It's very significant that you're getting in the wrong car right And so there is a part of you that is afraid that you know, what a whether or not you're making the right choices And getting taking the right steps to Achieve your goal in this case. It's finding a relationship This is something that we're talking we've been talking about in our coaching sessions is how to manifest the ideal partner Especially after everything you've learned and integrated as a result of your recent breakup, right? So there's obviously a fear of getting in there. You might making the right choices. Am I taking the right steps, right? And then there's this element of surrender, right? Because you know as you're going to get the keys you realize that you're not in the driver's seat anymore, right? You know in a portion or less, but so, you know, this is a this is a uh, still a good process, right? It's a it's still a luxury journey. You know, it's a a journey where you're being guided And directed and provided for along the way, right? The key here is that you have to surrender and that's the major theme that I'm hearing because You don't know where you're going Right and and it's okay to not know the destination It's really okay to not know what restaurant it is or you know, how you're going to get there Not to not be in the driver's seat of this process And I think it's so important because when we work on developing trust In in this dream, I would say That the the main message is to really trust the process that you're in, you know That you know letting go of any fear anxiety about you know, the step the steps or decisions you're making on how to date How to date properly, you know, what methods you're using and so on and really surrendering trust and surrender go together Right and so I'm just enjoying the ride, right? You're going up the coast in a portion Right, you know, it's interesting I actually as I reflect back on it I remember one thing because I I felt my anxiety for that part of me that didn't know what he was doing like that And then my little kid that feels like he's not good enough and you're stupid for forgetting and I could even Feel that but I also remember like I felt the sense of like just Move forward like just go in this direction. I don't know exactly where it is, but just like just Disney's once said, you know, just keep moving forward like That also tells me first of all that you're aware of your own fears and insecurities You're aware of that anxiety that inner child anxiety that we've been working on, you know Which is the uncertainty that need to know this is the ego, right? The fear-based consciousness that needs to know that needs to be in control of the process So you're aware of that and at the same time, there's this other like omniscient, you know, awareness presence. It says, hey, it's okay It's okay to not know just just keep going, right? You could have gotten out of the car You could have said I can't go, you know, I can't be on this ride because I don't know what we're going Right, but you didn't you stayed in the vehicle and you just said keep going So I think that this is progress, you know on a subconscious level, you know The message is very clear and I think that there's Ultimately you want to also look at how you were feeling in the dream You know, you were able to you know, kind of work through that anxiety And still be in a place of knowing right and this is very Speaking of dreams So there were different people in this dream and last night I had a dream My ex-wife was in it by the way and a couple nights before that Marie was in my dream And and there's a variety of different people in my dream Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't our those people represent different parts of ourselves Yeah, I mean Jungian analysis would would suggest that you are everybody in your dream Everybody in your dream represents some aspect of who you are It can be an aspect that needs to be developed It could be an aspect that requires healing and attention It can be an aspect that you haven't resolved within yourself You know, you know in the case of like new dreaming of someone like your ex-wife It's not necessarily about the person but it could be whatever that relationship dynamic represented for you and parts of you that are still Either, you know, feeling guilty or feeling unresolved or feeling, you know, pain or Some kind of attachment to that dynamic And so we're always developing aspects of ourselves in the dreams that we have Okay, so let's talk a little more about Okay, so, you know, we talked about becoming aware Yeah reaction attraction and dream. I want to spend a moment on attraction. I remember once um Do you know jeff brown the writer? Yes, he wrote the book. Um, Oh god, what's the name of the book grounded spirituality and uh, Oh god, what's the uncommon bond? Common bond. I'm familiar Yeah, so and he once did a post about the law of attraction and how you know Someone was saying how we attract everything in our life and he goes Well, if somebody walks up to you and punches you in the nose How did I attract that? And and and to some degree I'm like that one's like a good one. So do we really attract everything in our lives or Like and you know and so then why did I attract the person who punched me in the face? Yeah, I mean, you know, this is a really great question I know it's a very controversial one because no one wants to feel like they're attracting Brutality, you know or are being victimized, you know at that level at the level of physical safety. Yes, exactly This is obviously Challenging to answer and yet I would say that we are always co-creating everything You know, I would buy that and again, it's really about looking at the subconscious You know and really checking our subconscious to see what we're open to, you know What we feel susceptible to what, you know, what our childhood experience was, you know The guy who was punched in the in the nose, you know, what was his childhood like, right? Like where it is, what's his relationship to the masculine where he feels opened and Susteptible to something like that without even being aware of it. That's why it's really important to do the subconscious work Obviously, you're not sitting there with a sign on your forehead saying come punch me. No, yeah, exactly What happens to us and there's you know as a facilitator, obviously I do spiritual work as well, you know There are karmic reasons. There are subconscious reasons. There are energetic reasons There are all of these there's no accidents in the universe You know, it's not accidental that someone comes along and punches you in the face, right? It's there's always some energetic pull towards all the events that occur to us and the events that either we are victims of Or perpetrators of in our lives. Yeah Well, and I think where this conversation comes up quite a bit and what's that woman wrote about particularly the in the area of you know Finding them of when a person finds themselves in a narcissistic relationship, you know How did I you know? Like so spiritual people say well you manifested that and I think that's that's kind of a crude way of responding to that Well, I don't first of all empathy before education. Please. Yeah, you know always empathy before education it's not and I say that because You know when someone is hurting and if someone has felt victimized, you know If someone has For example, if the person who just got punched in the face came up to me and said I just got punched in the face Why is this happening to me? I wouldn't say you manifested that, you know that that just kind of like Completely negates the pain the experience, you know and the need for empathy You know, that must have been so hard. That must have been so shocking That must have been so painful for you. So we have to give empathy First so that people feel like, okay There's some element of me that's been restored, right? I feel like healing already just by receiving Empathetic connection from there from the empathetic, you know Experience now I can start to I know there's enough energy available where I can start to look at where I might be Be responsible for something Yeah So it's a it's always a process of meeting people where they are and then gently inviting them into Personal responsibility. This is the self-healing journey. It starts with self-awareness Which is incomplete unless you're really looking at your subconscious, you know beliefs And that's the moment that's stored in your body and I use the word trauma very loosely, you know trauma to me is Simply an interruption in the natural flow of something Right. So, you know, that could be anything. You hear no as a child and that feels traumatic, right? Yeah We're born infinite, you know Uh Beings with no limitations, right? We don't we're just we're always in spontaneous joy. We're expressing ourselves We don't know boundaries when we're little children, you know, we don't understand the meaning of no We learn to know As we're raised right by our caregivers and those, you know those that fear-based conditioning Which is, you know parents through no fault of their own Obviously, we're all doing the best we can with what we what we know Are Creating this environment for humans and then by the time our personality is formed We're full of fear, right? We're full of of this Conditioning process this this traumatic experience And so we have to by that time now we have to go back and go. Okay. Where do I where am I limiting myself? Right, and we have to go back and do that work and and and start to decondition From ourselves from what we've learned, right? So we can Yes Yeah, when I when I talk it's interesting because when I talk in my videos about childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas Many people oftentimes think of the worst when they think of the word trauma And it could have been simply and I had a situation where my I thought my mother abandoned me When I was skiing at five years old. I remember we're in Germany skiing and after doing the Hoffman process I went and asked my mom about it. I said do you remember that time you left me alone skiing? And she goes what do you mean? I left you alone and she goes I was just like Five feet away or whatever it was maybe 10 or 15 feet away But in my world like five feet was as far as my visual acuity went everything after that, you know as a child Or four years old, whatever I was, you know, like so in my mind I was abandoned, you know, and there was a story that created from this, you know And she said look I was sitting on the bench with a couple other people. You were right in front of me But this is because perception is creating your reality, right? Your perception of those events formed an imprint at the time during your formative years, you know Between the ages of zero to six loosely or in the subconscious mind is being, you know, imprinted Our personalities are being set up for life, right? How we are developing you're perceiving this this event And it's going right into your cellular field and you have this You know stored fear that you might be abandoned right that your mother who is You know that your nurturing your caregiver is not there for you, right? Yeah Wasn't until you did Huffman many many many many years later that you were able to make that connection Right, but think about think about living your entire life with this idea that you might be abandoned Just from that one little experience, right? Yeah I mean to that extent. I'm sure, you know, like I've processed a lot of that I'd say the most significant one that stands to most, you know that it comes to mind and I've shared this with you And I'm sharing this with everyone just as kind of an illustration of Of you know, how coaching works and whatnot was the time my third grade teacher told the classroom I was stupid in front of everyone and you know, I realize how much that I that that literally Changed my identity Because I still to this day Will still feel like I'm stupid not where I was maybe 10 or 15 or 20 years ago before I started to do work Was much what had much stronger triggers for me. Now the triggers are like a momentary Blip. I mean there's a residue. You're doing more subtle work at this time. Yeah Experience of hearing that that messaging you heard in the third grade, you know, that's terrifying, right? Careful thing humiliating Uh, you know, you're feeling unsafe, you know, that is definitely a traumatic experience, you know And I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to live out the third grade with that teacher You know and have that sort of experience looming over you without having anyone to process it with, you know To help you make yeah That teacher also took a ruler to me back in the day where corporate punishment was kind of the norm I remember that too, but um, you know So and everyone i'm sharing all of this because we all have experiences or Multiple experiences that we've probably have forgotten That have shaped our personality our perceptions of the world our subconscious, you know And you know, I always this is the way I kind of view life and I'd like your perspective on this You know if things aren't going well That's a time to look inward and say how am I the cause of this? You're how am I? Contributing this like I look inward anytime something isn't going well in my life and that's my barometer for For the opportunity to go oh Okay, if I'm the if I'm the common denominator here, okay I'll go and like I'll call, you know, sabrina or you know, I'll reach out to my coach I reach out to other trusted people in my life to to look at how did I make this happen Like how did I contribute to this but the trigger is always Kind of what's not working for me Um, because when things are working for me, I'm happy. I'm in flow. I'm in bliss. I'm in the vortex Those things because you're creating you take credit for those things too because you're take your you're creating Yeah, I take credit for it Thing you know, this is you know, I love that you brought this this up because You know, we're always co-creating right and so if we can you know for the purposes of this conversation and perhaps You know for anyone listening if we can really just adopt this idea of suspending judgment and not put Moral values of good and bad on the things that happen in our lives Just like seeing all experience as experience as valuable Whether it feels like a win some things will feel really really good and some things will feel really really challenging But they're all opportunities for growth and expansion and they're all indicators Of what we're attracting what what what is our energy? This is the new consciousness is to really be aware of your energy How am I managing my energy? Where am I putting my focus? What is my language declaring? What am I saying with my inner dialogue with how I talk to other people? What are my choices a reflection of am I choosing things that feed the vision for the life? I want to be living or am I choosing things that are really A coat a way to cope with the things that happened to me in the past, right? And we do this with awareness, right? So the first step is how did I co-create this? That's the first inquiry into self-awareness is how am I responsible for this even when it's hard? It takes a lot of courage, you know to take a look at you know something that that happened It's very difficult and say, you know, how can I possibly have created this when I'm a good person when I've You know when I've when I've shown up the way I feel, you know I needed to when I've had integrity when I told the truth. I did all the right things Why why has this happened, right? And I've heard this many times in my client sessions And the fact of the matter is is there's something that we are not necessarily aware of That is inviting in this lesson that's here to help us Yeah, by the way, someone just commented. I just I just recall the nuns with their rulers in grade school too Well, you know, it's interesting I'm going to share something with you I might have told you I do this but now in the dating realm and since my audience is in that space That's why I talk about it incessantly because I'm fascinated with human behavior particularly because dating triggers I think some of the most You know bizarre human behavior as well So I was I was swiping I got a message from someone on a dating app and I wasn't interested in this person But I read the profile and I and I energetically said thank you in my mind to this person But I read it and I go. Oh, there was something about their profile that I liked Oh good the universe is sending me You know like a little piece of what I like and so I start looking for The pot like the things that resonate instead of going oh 90 percent of this is wrong You know, why are they sending me this? Who are they thinking emailing me? You know and by the way, I've heard this from women all the time. What does that guy? What is that guy thinking emailing me? Like I mean oh, I oh, yeah, no, I mean that happens frequently Whereas I'm like thank you and then I look for the evidence of things getting closer To my mindset my experiences my desires all and just keep looking for the little bits of evidence because I feel like Yeah, this is such a valuable tool you have like really When you look at your dating platform You look at your bumble count or whatever it is you're on and you look at your dating platform And you this is a wonderful way to monitor. What am I attracting? Right. Yeah, what what message what's in my profile? What message am I sending out there? What's in my energy? What am I emitting that is bringing this type of person into my sphere? Right. What a wonderful tool like we just talked about attractions being a key indicator of what's happening for us on a subconscious level You have something a real time you can check every day By the way, I'm offering if anyone has a question for Sabrina myself Write the word question in the chat box. Um And we'll take questions at this point as well So what else can we offer up for everyone based on this conversation of repelling Whether it's good men good women are subconscious. What else can we add today? Well, I think I mean, I think we've said it. I think you know for anyone out there that anyone that is really looking at um, you know Finding love or finding, you know, an ideal relationship that is a reflection of how they want to be treated a reflection of how they want to be Uh held and seen and valued and cherished and whatever your qualities are You know, there's obviously many steps. The first step is to become aware of our subconscious So become aware of someone you're posted a question speaking of that. How do we remember our dreams? Uh Well, you can set an intention before you go to sleep to tell you I do that Self I would like to remember my dreams tonight. So please wake me up in the middle of the night Or help me remember when I wake up in the morning and that usually works Uh, so set an intention before you go to sleep. How do I everybody I do this every night before I go to bed I also listen to oh Sabrina. I just got a new, um headband that I can wear to listen to my um affirmations Um, and it's just kind of like a cloth. So it's it's it's easy to sleep with so but I set an intention I want to remember my dreams. I also want to say that, you know dreams subconscious dreams are more uh clear and more Accurately an indication of what you might be processing when you have when you're in an unaltered state So if you're taking stuff to go to sleep, for example, if you're taking sleep aids and you know things like that You know, I would usually that has an effect on what we're dreaming. Okay. Oh, okay Definitely, so I think you know, uh clear my fewer if you're if you can go to bed Without taking anything at all, you know, those are the kind of dreams you really want to pay attention to really want to Record so even if you take a like an Advil pm at like nine o'clock at night and you wake up at Six in the morning that will affect you affect the dream Yeah, we'll affect the quality of your dreams for sure. It affects your brain chemistry. Okay. Okay. Okay Good to know. Good to know. Okay. We have another question from kathy I just joined the site should I be very direct or say let's just go with the flow because I don't want to scare men off Hmm. Do you want to answer should I answer? Why don't you answer this one? So I think you should be whatever feels most authentic to you You know, I think it's very important that people share Their authentic selves, you know, they not be afraid of who they are I mean, look at the way that question is framed. Yeah, I want to scare men off Yeah, exactly You can't go in with the intention of not scaring men away. You want to scare away the men that are not a match for you Right? And someone can't deal with that then that's not your person, you know So I would really encourage anyone, you know on any site, you know, whether It's a dating site or your personal website or whatever, you know to just share authentically from from your heart Yeah, you know, it's it's interesting because I picked up on the same thing like I don't want to scare men off already. You're you're just in fear based, right? Like I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything wrong Um, I've always said if you speak from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person so Sharing transparently will never ruin a real connection. Yeah And and it's interesting because I even you know, like there was a snarky part of me that when I wrote my profile Like it said don't contact me if you're not blank And then I go, oh man. There was a snarkiness in that tone, right? So, you know, not just snarkiness. It's you know, um, it's rigidity Yeah, right and so rigidity is is um off-putting It's off-putting when you're in this, you know, relationship the realm of relationships is feminine, right attraction is feminine It's it's a soft gentle process of allowing and receiving, you know Transmitting energy receiving energy. Um, and so when you say don't contact me if you're that, you know There's no grace in that. Does that make sense? So and that doesn't mean that you should betray your values I think, you know, as I was saying earlier, I reworded it I just reworded it, you know, I'm most attracted to blank and Yeah Don't tell people what you don't want essentially. Don't tell people what you don't want It's this very important, especially for the profile we were reading at the beginning You know, it's really important not to put out into the universe what you don't want Whether you're writing an information that you're putting into your subconscious or you're telling people What you're creating or you're sharing about what you want or you're, you know, creating a profile Declare put your focus on what you do want because you know energy flows where attention goes Yeah, you know, I want everybody to hear and rewind this. Don't put down what you don't want I don't like using don't there that it is an ineffective way For any download you don't want and at the same time, it's a great Uh opportunity to go wait a minute. I have this energy Maybe I need to work on this piece You know before I put myself out there. Yeah, of course This is an important mindset shift, right? This is what we come out of fear You know, you're coming out of fear when you stop looking at life from what do I this is what I don't want Right versus looking at life from what do I want now? I'm in love right now. I want want more of this I want more of that yes to this You don't people that are saying no all the time are in fear of something and if you're saying yes to things you are in love Does that make sense? Yeah, and and Kathy goes on to ask but isn't it natural? Isn't it a natural fear? But I've just come off an emotional roller coaster with a deep emotional friendship Okay, so if you've just come off an emotional roller coaster, I would take some space and time to really heal And deal with your fears Whatever they are and I You know, I imagine that they must be difficult and if you are in fear you are guarded So I wouldn't you know, personally wouldn't want to be in the market trying to attract, you know, I say market I don't like that term but out in the universe I call it the dating marketplace. So it's okay I So so just to use your language I wouldn't I wouldn't be putting myself out there Trying to attract new relationships If I wasn't you know had just come off of something really intense I would be taking time for myself to regroup to integrate to get realigned and centered with my values With my self-worth with what I want and how I want to be treated And when I can stand in that confidently and securely Then I would create a profile and then you know Or put myself be open to you don't have to create a profile on a dating app to Attract people into your life You can just be out in the world and be open to making connections and have that be successful as well Well, let me ask you though because I've observed that probably a significant percentage of people who are in the dating marketplace. Okay. I'm calling it that Are probably rather wounded rather broken rather afraid rather hurt And to some degree, I think they just think that a relationship will automatically solve that I think there's this delusion that a relationship will solve that Yes, but agree. Can't you still be Okay, so can you still be feeling pain? I mean do you have to be a hundred percent healed? To be able to put yourself out there. I mean does that even really possible? Oh, you know, of course, you know, let's be reasonable What does a hundred percent healed mean? You can't even quantify that right? Yeah, exactly What is feeling like you're in a good place feeling like you have the emotional capacity to engage fully and be present Right that there is energy available to get to know another person and to put yourself out there You know that to engage at that level. I mean, we know ourselves, right? Like you know when your body can handle getting out of bed and going to work on the days You don't feel well, you know when to call in sick, right? And so you trust yourself in that process and say, you know today I'm not ready to go out into the world. You know, I need some time to rest I need some time to recuperate some time to feel better before I can get up and be my full self Right, so it's just a matter of your again managing your energy and seeing where you're at and seeing how open you are And if you notice that there's a lot of fear coming through your messaging Or even a lot of fear as you're engaging in the dating process It's much more beneficial To sit with that and really take a deep look at what's happening for you internally Subconsciously as we've been talking about today. That's been our topic Before you start going out into the dating realm because all you're going to do is attract more fear based evidence Actually, she so it's interesting because Kathy goes on to say something She says I think I'm ready because I know what I want. My friend basically drained me Okay, so do you know how to not be drained anymore? Yeah, because that the idea here is that You know, if you know what you want, that's great knowing what you want is only a portion of it though We also have to know how to maintain healthy boundaries how to say no when it doesn't match up with what we want How to you know, manage again manage our energy, you know, which doesn't sometimes it's it's about, you know Uh checking in with whatever it is you're interacting with to make sure this person aligns with your values with your lifestyle With your choices with your needs, right? Yeah Well, you know what this has been a fun conversation my dear, uh really quickly first everybody, uh I'll be posting a link to Sabrina's website if you want to check in with her. She's my coach I use her in a variety different capacities in my life from I shared before we saved my place and we've done some other things But most importantly you've helped me fine-tune those places in my life where I just want to make even more adjustments to Living a fully a fulfilled life, you know without fear and not that that's going to be an absolute But the more I'm in the vortex and the more I tweak I feel like I'm in a better place and Folks Sabrina's a great person a great resource So there'll be a link below to check out her work Sabrina is there anything you'd like to share with everyone before we wrap up? This conversation about what you do or how you serve or that sort of thing Uh, well, I mean as everybody knows, uh, I'm a facilitator and I hold space. I help people get in touch with their Inner life, uh, so we work very much on the subconscious realm You know, we deal with early childhood conditioning and essentially my area of expertise is helping people transcend fear So moving out of fear-based consciousness and into a place of love into a place of of inner peace And and self-confidence and self-awareness so that you know, you can be empowered to create a life that you love Um, so I'm happy to serve you and whoever else has any questions. I'm happy to answer By the way, we have another one that came in so I figured hey, you know what we won't wrap up just yet yeah When do you know when you have been in hermit mode too long? Well, you probably that's that's your answer You've probably been in hermit mode too long We always know, you know, we always know and I think You know hermit mode can serve, you know Can be a beautiful, uh, chrysalis for us to heal right and take space to really deal with our wounds and our fears and really Look at being intentional right with all we want to create our dating life our love life or whatever it is Whether it's a business you're building or you know, whether it's your health that you're reinventing like being in that space of Of you know, as you say hermit mode are really being intentional with how I'm gonna define this I'm gonna design this aspect of my life Is wonderful and then we know when It's time like there's you know, what's that line between self care and self isolation, right? So it's really important to be able to say, okay. Well, I'm ready to go out now. I'm ready to do things now I'm ready to yeah in the world You know, so I I had an awareness and I believe I shared this with you because somebody asked me Jonathan, are you ready to be in a relationship? I'd be like look, I've been ready to be in a relationship for years You know well before I even met Marie. I was ready for a relationship. Okay now that the relationship ended I'm still ready for a relationship Now the question is am I ready to open my heart to someone? Okay, am I ready to be vulnerable? Am I ready or am I willing to be vulnerable? Am I willing to be open and such like that? And as I and I answer that question. I'm like when trust exists I will feel safer to be open. I feel like I'm I'm that my heart is opening up to that But at the same time it's important to build trust with someone for that to really open myself up But I clearly know I'm ready for a relationship The question I ask everyone are you really ready or willing to open your heart to someone? If your heart is closed if your heart is guarded if you have walls You know then you're not Relationship you're ready for if your heart's closed, you know exactly like you know, I'm saying so I think it's again Let's be intentional with what we're creating, right? So if you're opening ourselves up to a loving partnership, and this is the topic obviously that we're sticking to We're opening ourselves to loving partnership We have to be willing to open our hearts, right? And you find that with the sincere this heart's desire to connect on a heart level to connect in an open vulnerable way You'll attract someone who's all also willing to meet you there And I think being met in that space will help anybody open their heart even more, right? Sort of go deeper within yourself And you know, we've all had the experience where we you know You meet someone that you really connect with and you fall Deeper than you thought you could have right because you're having this new experience That's amplified experience of love with someone who actually can meet you in that heart-centered place And so that's everybody, you know take responsibility for your psyche for your fears for your wounds We all have them And so, you know do the inner child work nobody gets a pass from really just Digging deep and looking at our stuff and what we're operating with and going through that Go through that deconditioning process so that you can really set yourself up when the subconscious mind Is in alignment with our conscious desire? We are in a state of flow, you know life becomes effortless and we can Into our lives the things that we truly truly truly have always wanted to create Yeah, very well said. Well, Sabrina, I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic joth and bear hug of appreciation Um, I want to thank everybody that was on today Bonnie Kathy beach lover. Let's see who else was on jade Um, everyone Teresa everyone big hugs for being on live. Thanks Sabrina and we're going to wish everyone a super duper wonderful fantastic day