 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. 60 direkt valdá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá mulá. It's all American. Lucky's Pay More. Yes, at the tobacco auctions, Lucky's Pay More, millions of dollars more than official parody prices for fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. No doubt about it. L.S. M.F.T. L.S. M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Imagine you're at a tobacco auction, the buyers shout around the baskets of ripe fine-flavored leaf. The auctioneer chants and the bidding begins. Six-tabala, m-a-l-a-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l, as a basket of extra fine light mild leaf is offered for sale, as the price climbs higher and higher at the peak bid time again. You hear... it's all too milkin' And another basket of truly fine tobacco is bought by the makers of Lucky Strike. Yes, luckies pay more, millions of dollars more than official parody prices for fine tobacco. So for more real deep down smoking enjoyment from every puff, every pack, smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. Prove to yourself how much finer, milder, more enjoyable luckies really are. You'll agree, in all the world, there's no finer cigarette than Lucky Strike. First Rochester dynasty and yours truly, Don Wilson. Our way to the studio, Rochester is driving. Gosh, it's certainly a warm day, isn't it, Jack? Yeah. You know it was hot yesterday, too, and Friday the temperature reached 105. Yeah. Say, Jack, wasn't it thrilling that the Hollywood baseball team won the Pacific Coast pennant this year? Uh-huh. And the National League pennant race is tighter than it's been in years. Yeah. For heaven's sake, Jack, put down that knitting and talk to me. I'm sorry, Mary. I'm trying to finish these socks for Phil. It's only 90 days till Christmas, you know. Jack, Phil has been with you 12 years, and you're giving them socks for a present? They ain't no present. Mr. Harris hired them. That's right. You know, Mary, it is warm today. I wonder if we could try it. Rochester, how'd you know I wanted the top down? I didn't. We just went under a low tree. Well, leave it. It's nice this way. And Rochester, you better slow down. I can't, boys. We haven't got. What do you do when you come to a railroad crossing? We get out and pick up cold. Don't be funny. Just drive. Say, Mary, do you think Rochester, you're not making a turn? Why have you got your hand out? I'm feeling for the studio. You're feeling for the studio? Yes. I was just thinking of something. It's been a long time since you sang a song on the program. How about doing one today? Oh, not today, Jack. I was in the Navy-USC football game yesterday, and I cheered so much, I'm hoarse. Well, we won't have the sportsman quartet there at the Orpheum Theater this week. Boss, if you want more music on the program, why don't you play your violin? I think I will. I just put four new strings on it. You did? Yes. You'll hear them all on CBS this fall. I can hardly wait. Thanks. Oh, Rochester. Rochester, we're only a block from the studio. You better start looking for a parking space. Look for a space? Are you kidding, Mary? Rochester, drive it right into the studio lot. Mr. Paley, the head of CBS, assigned a reserve parking space, especially for me. Gee, they sure treat you nice, don't they, Jack? Mary, all the networks are nice. And it's about time people realize that there's no animosity between them. There isn't? Of course not. Now, take CBS. They even put Johnson's wax on the floor. Jack, CBS didn't put it there. So many stars have come over. They've cracked it in on their heads. On their shoes. They must be acrobats coming in. That's now walking on their heads. Shoes. Come over. They've cracked it in on their shoes. Oh, we don't have to do it through it. The fact that it's not there proves that. Rochester, here's the studio lot. Turn right in. My parking space is third on the left. I know. Rochester, what did you stop here for? There's another car in there. And imagine anyone leaving his car and mark my parking space. What a nerve. When I came to CBS, this space was assigned to me. And if anyone else thinks they can use it, they're crazy. Oh, boy. Boy, who does that car belong to? Mr. Paley. Well, don't just stand there. Dust it off. Wait for me. You can have the rest of the day off. I'll eat my salad today instead of tomorrow. Yes, I can do that. As a matter of fact, Rochester, I have your pay all ready. Here's your envelope. Thanks. Now, come on, Mary. Let's hurry. Oh, say, boss. What is it, Rochester? You always pay me in dollars. How come it's pounds this week? Brother, you don't miss a trick, do you? Never mind. Just walk in on your head. I feel good today. Again. This couldn't happen again. Da-da-da-da-da. Oh, darn it. I forgot to get my violin out of my car. Again. I hope it happens again. Da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not funny. Now, let's go in. Hello, Mr. Benny. I've been waiting for you. Oh, Mel Blank, waiting for me? Yeah, you've got a part that I can do on your show today. Mel, I gave you a part of my show last week. Yeah, but I didn't get a chance to do my imitations. I imitate Mickey Rooney, Lionel Barrymore, and Al Jolson. I program for imitations of Mickey Rooney, Lionel Barrymore, or Al Jolson. I have a part for you. I'll let you know. Guys, but that Mel Blank is such a pest. Well, here's my dressing room. I wonder, well, what do you know? I've got a visitor, Edgar Bergen. Hello, Edgar. Welcome to CBS. Well, thank you. You know, you know, I don't do my first program until next Sunday night. Oh, still rehearsing, eh? Well, I've already started my season. I did my first show on the 11th. Did you hear it? No, no. But on the 12th, CBS sent for me. Will you get me out of this football uniform? USC doesn't need me anymore. No, I see. I'll move down. Yes, I know you will. Charlie, we've got company now. Oh, have we? Hello, Charlie. Little doll, you. Oh. There up your lips. I'm coming in for a landing. Rrr. Oh. Charlie, you should be ashamed of yourself. Such disgraceful behavior, kissing Miss Livingston before you've been properly introduced. I'm sorry. When a gentleman meets a lady, first he should tip his hat. And then says, how do you do? Then he should inquire as to her well-being. And then he should gently take her hand and respectfully bow from the waist. Bergen, Bergen, those are the kind of detail that slows down a man's life. Is that so? Little luscious little hunger. All right, Charlie, please, please. Now, don't be so rude. There's someone else here. Yeah? Yes, that's Mr. Benin. Now, hello, Charlie. Welcome to CBS. Shake. Put it away, Bob. I'll pick my friends. You can stop. And stop fluttering those big blue eyes, too. They don't do a thing to me. Now, where were we, Mary? Oh, yes, you luscious little tomato. Let me put my arms around you a little. Oh, no, no, no, Charlie, please don't kiss me again. When you're late, let's meet mine. My blood goes to my head. A cold iciness goes to my feet. And a wild wave of emotion rushes to my fingertips. I got this dame going in all directions. Mary, Mary, stop teasing him. Your blistering is a mammal. If you don't mind, I've got a lot of things to do now. Well, thanks, Jack. We're dropping into my dressing room. No, no, Edgar, this is my dressing room. No, no, this was your dressing room. What do you mean, was? This is my dressing room. When I came over here, Mr. Paley gave it to me. I'm sorry, Jack, but they've switched you to dressing room four. All my things are here, and they're going to stay here. Well, I'll throw them out. You lay one hand on those clothes, and don't take it. Oh, yeah, put up your suit. Oh, boy, boy. Let them fight, Livy. Let them fight. The most they can do is lean on each other. This dressing room, there's only one thing I can say to you. I'll dress somewhere else. I come to say goodbye. I've been drafted. Don't stand there. Salute me. Mary, you stay out of this. Let me handle it. Now, Dennis, look at me. I just want to ask you one thing. The war has been over four years now. How come you got a draft notice? I want it on a quiz program. Yeah, I got a bicycle, a refrigerator, and two glorious years in the army. You're going to stay out of it. Now, Dennis, forget this silly talk and get into the studio. Oh, I can't. I got a report to my regiment. We're being sent overseas. You mean? Mary, you won't listen to me, will you? Now, for your own good, let me ask him. I'm gray anyway. Your regiment are going to be sent overseas, Dennis. Uh-huh. To Germany to take over supplies? No, to Stromboli to bring back Ingrid. Dennis, stop talking and rehearse your song. OK. Come on, Mary. Well, Mr. Benny. What is it? Good yon'tif. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. They put two stars on the door. I guess they're trying to make me feel good. Let's go in. Fellas, it seems you could have done that in your own dressing room. This is our dressing room. Yeah, sir. This dressing room here was given to us by the head man of this network. And he said if anybody comes in, gives us trouble, that we should very gently, uh, throw on his shoes. He told us one thing. He requested that we keep the bouncers down to a minimum anyway. Fellas, nobody's going to start any trouble. Obviously, there's been a mistake. Anyway, you don't do your opening program the next Sunday. What are you doing here so early? Well, we don't like to leave things at last minute. So we're down here at the studio to test the acoustics. The acoustics? Oh, yeah, so you see your voice comes out your mouth, hits the side wall, hits the back wall, then hits the other side wall, and comes right back to you. Yeah, that's what's known as a three cushion shot. Well, I still can't understand them giving you my dressing room. Anyway, I'll take it up with Mr. Tate and Paley. Come on, Mary. Say, Amos, Mr. Benny was a little upset because we got this dressing room. Yeah, well, that ain't what's bothering him. He's upset because the day they stop daylight saving time. Well, what's that got to do with him? When they stop any kind of saving, Mr. Benny takes it personal. And it's closer than the pupils on a cross-eyed flea. Yeah, lift up the mattress and see if the crease in our pants is as sharp as we are. Oh, pardon me, boys. I left my hat in here. Oh, yes, sir. Here you are. Thanks, Andy. So long, Amos. I understand why I'm being pushed around here. They take my parking space, my dressing room. What next? Oh, Jack. Jack. Oh, hello, Doc. Oh, Jack, I've been looking all over for you. Boy, am I excited. Why now? What happened? Well, you know how hard I've been trying to reduce? Yes. Well, I finally made it. I'm down to 165. 165? How did that happen? I weighed myself on an English scale, and they cut the pound in half. I'm not questioning the value of that little gem. It has its points. I mean, it's not only topical, but it stinks. Then listen, Jack. I've got another joke that'll kill the audience. It's so funny that you're a little risqué. What is it, Don? What is it? You can tell me we're out here anyway. What is it, huh? Well, come on. Let's get away from this crowd. Don, that's you. What's the joke, Don? What is it? Well, uh, the way it was told to me, it seems that a traveling salesman's car broke down and right in front of a farmer's house. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Now, this farmer had a beautiful daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the salesman knocked on the door, and when the farmer opened it, he told him his car broke down and that he was a salesman. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. So the farmer's daughter who was standing there said to a salesman, and he said, yes, I sell lucky strike cigarettes that are made of that fine, that light. And naturally, fine tobacco and lucky strike... I know, Don. I know, I know. Oh, you heard the story. No, no, no, look, I know that lucky strike pays more than the official parody price. But what about the salesman and the farmer's daughter? Well, just then, get this, just then the phone rang. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And when the farmer left the room to answer it, the salesman walked over to the farmer's daughter and said... Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did he say? What did he say? What did he say? What did he say? I think we're alone anyway. I've been smoking lucky strikes for nine and 25 bucks, so free and easy on the draw. And then? Yes, yes, and then? The daughter was so happy she fixed the salesman's car and he drove away. Not the original version. I told it to the sponsor and he switched it all around. Like the story. I just remembered the original one. The sponsor changed it. It was about lifesavers. But it's so good it would be worth your marrying me, just to hear it. Will you stop following me around and go home? Some home. My wife has never asked. She's always up playing bridge. Bridge? Yeah, she plays with Mrs. Bob Hope, Mrs. Ray Malan, and Mrs. Al Joltson. Please go away and leave me alone. Come on, Mary. Let's get into our studio. I wish Mel would stop bothering me. Hi, Jack. Red skin. I'm ready, OK. You shoot an actor? Sure. Then let him start the show. Jack. I'm going to teach them a lesson. Mary, there's a radio. Turn on. Let's see how they're going to get along without. Parity prices for fine tobacco. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, the independent tobacco experts can see giant baskets of fine tobacco one after another. Go to the makers of Lucky Strike. Here's what Mr. Al Rogers, veteran auctioneer of Robertsonville, North Carolina, recently said. I think you'll agree that an auctioneer like myself ought to know good to. The recent survey reveals that more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehouses, smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, smoke the smoke tobacco expert smoke, Lucky Strike. Remember, to give you a truly finer cigarette, luckies pay millions of dollars more than official parity prices for fine tobacco. Good reason to make your next carton, Lucky Strike. You're in a red skeleton for being with us tonight. And you'll hear them all on CBS next Sunday. Good night, folks.