 Alright, so man, I've been having a rough day today and even last night when I for some reason when I got home from Working at a vent. I my mind was awake and I was up even though I was tired the whole time through the event. It was like So exhausting to try to get through. I was so tired and like drained But then by the time I got home and I was like laying in bed. I just couldn't sleep and I was up until about 3 a.m And then all of a sudden like, you know, I fell asleep and All of a sudden I'm up at 6 6 30 and I've got this Scruciating pain in my stomach on the right side. It's like grinding burning pain. No idea what what was causing it I don't you know recognize that feeling really tried to go to the bathroom tried to drink some water Nothing really helped and then I just kind of laid on my stomach in bed until I fell asleep again And then I woke up three hours later and then I've just been up since my stomach's been tweaked and off all Day, it's not as bad as it was when I woke up at 6 30 in the morning But it's been it's been off and so I there's a lot stuff I wanted to get done today I wanted to do legs at the gym and do cardio and you know Pick up some groceries that I need and work on some editing stuff and I just didn't do anything I just was lying down and and dealing with my stomach and just kind of resting and I'm tired man and I got another event to go to in In two hours and then that's basically all the work that I have lined up for me at that restaurant and it's like Kind of I think it's pretty much done. So after that so But I just wanted to make this quick little bit of cash So I'll be there from 5 30 till I think 11 or so and then I'm gonna try to come home and get some editing Done before I go to bed because I just know I'm behind because of this morning and today It's amazing how you know one little thing like that can just set me back So hard and you know, I had deadlines for other projects too that I wanted to work on and it just didn't happen Tomorrow is gonna be a relatively busy day So I really need to go to bed early tonight get up early tomorrow and just hit the ground running so that I don't get too Crazy behind I checked my weight today. It's It was like one 165 even Basically what it was yesterday, which is a little disheartening but I you know, I just know not to put too much weight into it because If a lot of times my weight will stall like that for a couple of days and then it'll drop a pound or a pound and a half so I'm just Kind of trusting that that's what's gonna happen And also sometimes just based on how much salt I I consume and how much water I consume and stuff like that You know or or how hard I work out all that stuff makes my weight fluctuate So we'll see tomorrow. I'm hoping that tomorrow is is a definite improvement because I need to I need to be improving faster Than I am right now with only two weeks left to go until competition Anyway, I'm gonna get ready for work and then head over there. I'm sorry. I don't have that much to show you guys today It's just been like a grueling day for me Okay All right, I'm at work I just finished my lunch and I realized that I didn't buy enough beef to make dinner tonight So I'm probably just not gonna eat dinner tonight. At least not the beef just the potatoes and the broccoli So that's fun and that's the kind of mood I'm in cool About to get ready for work My boy Lewis. Yeah. Yeah Surprise surprise it was supposed to be a beautiful tall blonde model and I got this instead So I just got home from the gym. I mean wow Take two. I just got home from the restaurant Where I was bartending for an event and can I be honest like I am I feel like shit I feel like crap right now. I Like I said, I woke up I was up Like half a night with really upset stomach my stomach still feels really tweaked my throat's kind of feeling a little weird too I'm a little worried that maybe I haven't come in down with something But my energy level is just crap and So I need to eat dinner doing that heating it up right now and then I want to I need to edit it's It's 11 p.m. And I need to edit my daily vlog from the 26th, which was two days ago So I got to do it by the night in order to stay up to date And then I'm gonna get up really early tomorrow morning Because the stuff I was supposed to shoot this morning for that cocktail video that I was making I got to do it tomorrow morning for sure and have it done and then I have an afternoon shoot With jubilee media we did recently a video with a bunch of us who are HIV positive and having discussion about like whether we agree or disagree with certain Statements that were made and then we had a discussion around that. It was really cool. I haven't seen it posted yet We'll see it should be I mean it should be out any week now And but tomorrow they asked me to come back and do a different series And it's like where they have random people off the street come in and and ask Whatever they want so people will come in and know that they're speaking to someone who has HIV and they're free to ask like Whatever they want and I'm just gonna like, you know answer Because like that's what I want to do. I want to like You know demystify it and I'm not easily offended So I can like I know most most of the time when people ask questions that might be offensive They don't mean it. They don't most of the time people just just don't know better. So it's an opportunity to educate and and just Show them the way So that we're doing I'm doing that in the afternoon And then in the evening, I'm doing a podcast that my buddy Shaw Set me up with this guy as a doctor in I think it's San Francisco or the at least the bay area And he has a podcast that he does and wanted me to come on and talk about HIV So I'm gonna do that too. So that'll be good and then hopefully Somewhere in all that mix. I'll be able to get to the gym go to the grocery store and buy food get duke I can just run out of food. So I need to go get him food And just all you know normal errands and stuff like that So it's gonna be another busy day for sure And I need to start posing. Maybe I'll show that tomorrow too if I have time My mandatory bodybuilding poses for the competition. I have to practice that every day because posing is almost Just as important as Being super lean and you're physique and all that. So anyway, time to eat and edit Again, sorry, I don't have that much footage today It was it was just really rough And difficult day for me as far as everything goes just feeling really just feeling crummy feeling yucky and then when I'm down also like Um, then my emotions get down too and my motivation and my perspective Becomes a little more negative and Also, I dealt with something really crappy last night. I got a message from someone that was just really really shitty um Just really really disappointed in this person Really disappointed in this person I'm thinking I'll probably do a vlog on um The way that the person handled a situation that I feel like a lot of people Do and is not good and unhealthy and anyway That's a teaser for another video for another time about someone that I at one time cared about incredibly deeply and uh And and just now it's just like I don't I have no response to that message. I don't even know what to say. I'm just It's just I'm just bringing that up because it's like that With everything else the food and not eating and training and competing and All this vlogging and being unemployed and just everything is just like Mindfuckery madness All right, good night guys. I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, yeah one more thing before I go So because I didn't get up this morning because I didn't go to the gym And do that when I go to the gym the Trader Joe's is right there And I go right after Trader Joe's I go there and I get anything that I need as far as groceries for my meal prep Because that chain of events didn't happen I didn't go to Trader Joe's and I didn't get the ground beef that I needed to prepare for today So I had one serving of ground beef for lunch and then I had nothing for dinner And I didn't realize that until I had to go to work and I'm like, oh what what the hell am I gonna do? I've got the potatoes prepped. I've got broccoli, but I have no beef So am I just gonna eat potatoes and broccoli and for before go the beef? Well on my way home, I was like, I really need some protein and I need to get it quick and just have it done and not worry about everything else So I stopped by Wendy's infamous Square patty Went to Wendy's And that's all I ordered was a beef patty It's obviously not grass-fed nor organic and it's probably not 95 or 90 10 lean But it's It'll have to do for now. That's that's what I'm gonna do You know, it's not as much beef as I would have normally if I was meal prepping So hopefully that'll offset the higher fat content that's going to be in this patty Anyway, I just wanted to be transparent about that and and be like, you know, I'm not perfect and I have my mess ups too and this is one of them So I just gotta make do that's it's a rough day. It's tough man But I'll be all right. There are far worse things Anyway, all right. Now I'm leaving for realsies. Goodbye