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Just look for RGB bundle map super bundle enroll Boom you get all the free stuff do it now mind pump media calm If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go Might With your hosts Sal DeStefano Adam Schaefer and Justin Andrews What did you get that sweater? Can we talk about your outfit? Yeah, you got a real dad Can we talk about your outfit right now? It's very I'm gonna go pick up the kids at three o'clock this one I mean, yeah, bro. This isn't style, bro. You're too comfortable. Yeah, what do you mean? You're too comfortable with yourself. What I think there is a part I think there's a part of no, I think there's a part of healthiness of being a little insecure. No Yeah, I think I think you're too. Do you know what they call your outfit says I'm too secure with myself You know what? Do you know it? Do you know it too much too? You know what comfortable translates to right confidence? Yeah, it says it all over you. I'm so I'm extremely confident. I'll get naked right now motherfucker Don't challenge my comfort level. Actually, you know, it's don't push him in that direction I'll pull my dick. You know, we always talk to our audience, right? I think multiple times we said he doesn't shower people ask us about the whole greatest strength is your greatest weakness And I'm gonna pick on Sal right now because he has what the fuck Because you haven't tied you how did this get lambaston? No, no, no, no, because you haven't you have lambaston You have an incredible self-awareness and that's one of the things I absolutely adore about you I think it's a it's an incredible trait. I do. I feel like a child, right? Was that the right way? No, it's good. Adam has like hearts in his eyes. No, I feel like you adore me continue Yeah, no, I just there there's not a lot of men that I meet that I feel are on that and this is see I was really complimenting myself on the same level You're so good, right? He thought it was a compliment. I just went, you know, right back, you know, you remind me myself We call you the rebounder. I'm not quite as smart Compliment dish boom bounces back. No, so I really I feel like you You you have this ability to do that like so and I think that you one of your by far your strengths is you truly are so secure with yourself and and incredibly confident and Enough to even talk about your in the insecurities. We've talked about we've had episodes right we did a whole episode on our insecurity So we're all very Comfortable with admitting that I put it out. I'm insecure about my security, but I think I also think too much I also think we're going through a transition in this company right now. Yeah, here it comes And and because we're we're all so comfortable with ourselves I even found myself doing that not realizing like hey, you know, it's unfortunate But we are in a very superficial world and even more so a very superficial business That people on the outside are gonna, you know, our website is Seeing, you know X amount of impressions every single month. So tens of thousands hundred thousands of people coming through a facelift process Well and what and and I know and I know that people are gonna come on my on there They're gonna see us So they're gonna see how we present ourselves on everything from the way we dress the way we talk the way we act and things like that These are things that like you actually have to start to think about when you get on this Larger scale like it was all fun and games when we started this and said hey, we're gonna do it because we love doing it We want to help some people out But when it's turned into a legitimate real business, these are the conversations that you have to have with yourself on okay This person could potentially have just been scouring the internet Randomly found us. What is the first impression I want to get now the normal me zero fucks Which was our very first t-shirt that we ever released Was like this that was our mentality zero fucks and I believe that we've stayed true to that all the way through But then at one point does your business mind start to challenge yourself and go like well Fuck how now how do I how do I fit in between the two of those like how do I? How do I own up and know that that's uh important, but then I also know that it's not important to me You know, it's interesting about that that whole process There's a few things one, uh, I think Optimizing your business uh through the internet You got to look at the you got to talk to the experts and I'm I'm definitely I don't think the three of us are not We're not experts in this which is why now lately. We're we're Asking people who we think we're consulting we're consulting a lot like okay, what What should this look like how should this be presented? That's very very important now on a personal level Now mind you though I know that what was really hard for us and why we waited so long for this Was because we're also very passionate About it portraying who we really are that's the thing. So here's what's interesting to me. It's um The internet business is it's there's there's some try some tested tried and true Methods which is what we're consulting people with and then there's like a lot of it That's like emerging and new and there seems to be This trend that where people want just real like as real as possible And it's it's kind of recent like I'm even noticing on fitness pages People are refreshing do it people are posting pictures of themselves Like relaxed or you know, no makeup or and they're using that now to build their business because There's like this this affair. We talked a lot about this with tom bill you right? I mean, yeah it's that whole realism thing and so For as soon as something becomes a thing then it loses its authenticity And so you can see this like there's pages that I'll follow on instagram where The fitness model dude or girl is like super super fake all the time and then all of a sudden they're like, here's my stomach relaxed Yeah, I'm a normal person but but like a split image. I'm like, oh now I'm now I'm flexing Yeah, and it's just to make sure make sure I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know to think because um I mean, I want for me personally I want my I want professionals to consult with me to make my personal pages optimized for reaching as many people as possible For you know maximizing business potential for maximizing the ability of whatever platform I'm using to communicate whatever I'm trying to communicate because that's the ultimate goal But I also on my personal level For myself, um, I don't I think I just I don't know It's almost like If you change that you might actually fuck yourself You know, I mean, especially if you've built well a lot of people don't know this But you know, we've hired three different companies and fired all three of them to do exactly this for us And the and the reason why we all said fuck it. We're not we're not going to hire anybody We've basically gave up on that because we cared so much more about making sure that the brands stay true to who we were Then we cared about optimizing it and as important as that is Well, I think whoever works with us like now we've got you know, like taylor right taylor works with us and I think He understand he's actually a fan and he understands What are you know messages and so all so far all the suggestions he's been making and helping us with Feel super authentic their ideas that we wouldn't have come up with because we're not hip to this stuff But when you see it, you're like, oh fuck. Yeah, that totally represents us the other companies They just weren't they didn't understand us You know, I mean so like there were some ads that we did on facebook through that other company or whatever And I saw them like holy fuck like this this represents the shit that we hate in the fitness industry You know, I mean this like this isn't this isn't who we are So I I guess it's that's probably one of the difficult things all brand line. Yeah, it's a fine line because I mean you make an example for like a like a steve jobs character where it's like he's got shitty fashion sense You know what I mean like he's got his turtleneck and jeans and like he just influenced everybody But it became his it became his thing and people like mimicked it. Did you just compare us to steve jobs? I'm saying that like you know if sal you know, he he wants to keep Going with the the soccer indoor thing And you know the ready to pick up it at three o'clock it works You know, I mean there's going to be like a huge following that like this it's going to be a fad I don't know this right if you influence like the wife This is a question I have for taylor, you know saying this is a question that I have for taylor is that um because I Somewhat agree with you guys. I can see that side of it and then I also see the other side of it So I feel torn on You know, how you bro, you're the high fashion guy. I mean don't don't deny it like you're that guy Well, yeah, but I've always been I've always been I mean that's why it works and that's why your progression of it Makes a lot of sense, you know, I'm somewhere in the middle between you guys So, you know, I think that's it's like just like everything. We always have like Like two poles and then one sort of in the middle Well, this also this also reminds me to listen though This reminds me a lot of the conversations that I would have with my clients, right And you have to ask yourself too that Like you've gone through parts of your life, right where you did things like taking care of yourself Whether it be grooming, uh, you know, or how you put your outfit together And then I I remember going through this and it was probably between like, I don't know 27 to 30 range Where so before that I was I've always been in into like, you know shoes and things like that like and I care about fashion, whatever, uh But then I went through this phase where I didn't when I and I think that was a lot of that was me Realizing that a lot of that a lot of that was driven from insecurities To make myself feel better and then I went to like don't give a fuck, right? But then I then I went through that for long enough, you know, and I remember hit me again in my like early 30s and I remember going Wow, you know Even though I don't I know that I'm not attaching myself to these materialistic things There are certain things that I I appreciate about them and I do notice and I even notice the way It makes me feel when I feel good about myself And I think anybody who's ever put themselves in a tuxedo, you know, and you just feel good right after that I think I think the the pendulum swung for you like on one end it was over here motivated by insecurity Then you rejected it because you're like fuck that which is common And now I'm getting with yeah, and now it probably reflects you more. Yes. This is more true. Yes who you are, right? uh, you know, it's funny because it's a weird market now like You know, it's interesting We're lucky in in some senses and some says is we're unlucky because we grew up in a generation that didn't have Tech like like we have now so it's kind of foreign to us But we also got to see this crazy transition and we're young enough To see and be aware of the transition like like the generation before us is so fucking unaware of it So we're a little more aware of it, but I'll give you guys a good example like when we were kids If you were smart If you were yeah, it wasn't cool You were you were punked you were bullied you were fucking no chicks wanted to date you Like it was a bad thing Now if you're smart if you're the kid that's on the computer making cool programs and doing shit This wasn't that long ago. That was only about 10 years ago We went we went to that nerd transition where being a nerd was cool Then everybody was wearing the glasses to look like a nerd even though you didn't wear glasses Nerds nerds rule nerds rule the fucking word elon musk Have you seen elon musk like forget what he's done If you just don't even think about what the fucker's done like the guy's brilliant as shit Probably one of the most desired men on the planet. It's true You talk to any woman like oh my god elon musk. He's so the guys he's a he's a classic nerd But because the think times have changed nerds rule the world He's kind of his own self. He didn't really care what he says. He just says what he says He's eccentric to a certain degree and now that's like this attractive thing and you're starting to see it a little bit on Like social media you're starting to see like the weird like the weird people who are kind of authentic They get like the they get the passion now fitness Takes a little longer. I think it's always behind on some of these trends But you're starting to see it with fitness too. We're trying to create a whole new genre Right the the nerds that lift that actually have muscle on their body. I don't you know, it's funny I don't even think it's so much nerd Because i'm probably the most nerdy, right? I think it's just the We'll let you let you win that one. Yeah, it's easy. That's an easy contest It's I think it's just the uh like just be real. I don't know, you know be kind of who you are That's what I I think what I I if I go back to when I first met you guys. I think that You know, how authentic you were And then the I I'm always Attracted to people, you know male or female that have this self-awareness self-awareness about them Um, it's just a it's a team player. It's a very unique quality to find in in people period Uh and then in your like genre or your field. I mean, that's even crazier So, uh, you guys you guys are that rare and because I and I know I think Tony Robbins I think talks a lot about this about finding I believe it's him Somebody I'm sure somebody will fucking inbox me and tell me I'm wrong. Uh, it was for sure Like you're he's uh your your goal in life is to find this platform That it will just continue to elevate you and that seems like obvious right when you say that But when you really think about like where a lot of people find themselves They find themselves in this nine to five with the same 10 to 15 people they see every day They're all about the same intelligence level. They're all about the same growth minded They talk about the same things every day and they get stuck in this pattern and You know, it's and there's nothing wrong with that to each their own And if that's how that that's how you want to live But I'm I'm I'm very much so attracted to people that are growth minded that are self aware Because it pushes me to that next level and I don't know each level's each level's more awesome Just like that's why as as years go by like I don't I don't I'll tell you I was better than 34 I'll tell you coming forward better than 30, you know from for me personally coming from Where I came from being as insecure as it was about Just what motivated me to work out right where my body image issues Coming through that and out of that and I mean it's it's a constant journey Because I think finding your true self never ends because your true self changes And the more layers you uncover the more layers you end up finding and it's just it's just this it becomes addicting I'll be honest with you becomes this awesome thing, but it's sucked. It's hard too at the same time every time you shed a layer It's it's usually shed through on being uncomfortable and being in some pain It doesn't happen when you're super comfortable and feeling awesome always happens when you feel or you rediscover parts of yourself that You know, you've you've squelched in your process to become more knowledgeable or successful in your endeavors There's like a whole creative side that you had that you're just like holy shit. That's where that's where that was Dude, I'll tell you I you know coming from being insecure about my body for years for years It was so bad and the thing is you're not aware of it when you're in it, but it was so bad It I it literally drove me To create this identity that became who I was which was About as far away from my true self as I could get because it's totally not me None of that was me But that's who I became because of this this this this painful insecurity coming out of that coming through that Really becoming who I was it's so It was very painful, but it was also it's also very awesome because it's the closer you get to who you truly are The more comfortable you get with everybody else We're just with life and you know, it's funny going through painful situations like my divorce Boy, did that test me like I was never really insecure about The car I drove until I got divorced all of a sudden I was single for a little while and I was like, oh fuck. I need to get a cool car Right because and then I thought to myself like, you know What I really want to date someone who was attracted to me because of my car No, actually the kind of people I'm attracted to don't give a shit about that kind of stuff And it's fine if you are I'm not talking shit just me personally If I'm talking to a girl and she's like, oh, that's a night It's a cool car really like that or that's a turn off for me So I'm like, wait a minute. Why would I even want to attract that? So that was a challenge for a second having children Holy shit. That was a huge Uh period of growth and continues to be a huge period of growth to the point where The things that I find challenging Uh with my children or my own projections of what I used to find challenging as a kid Which is it's insane like when I see my kid Uh volunteer to sign up for these group sports and want to play on these teams I get nervous. Why do I get nervous? Because I didn't want to do that shit when I was a kid He's fucking oblivious. He's there's nothing nervous about it for him at all. He's having a great time Fuck his volleyball team is winning winning games But for me, I feel this old feeling. It's an old feeling that I had when I was a kid That's gonna be a trip surface. It's a fucking trip because realizing that makes me realize I'm gonna do you find yourself having to catch yourself because you want to say something to him That's and then you realize it's an insecurity. You know, it's funny. I want to how many dads actually father their kid that way All of them. I want to all of them. They identify themselves through their kid I want to I want to like preemptively talk to my kid About shit that I think is Bob is going to bother him and then I realized like you might create that I have a problem Dude, Jessica pointed that out. She's like, she's like, why are you gonna have that talk with Your son like it might not even be an issue for him. And I'm like, holy fuck Or let him experience it first. Yeah, like I'm preemptively like trying to like predict project Yeah, what's gonna happen because that's what happened with me when in reality, that's not a fucking issue. Yeah, it's really fucking It's really crazy. It's eye-opening. It does definitely make you reflect on what kind of insecurities and things you dealt with growing up You know, like as you watch your your kids kind of like have you guys made a mistake? Have you made a mistake that you uh that you can remember like that like recently where you you told you told him something And then you went, ah fuck that was totally I could write a list of mistakes that I make On a regular basis, you know from that kind of stuff like I mean to you know, I'll say Like I'll bring up teamwork and you know, it's good to be a part of a team like I'll overdo it Yeah, I mean, oh, and I'm like, what the fuck am I saying? Like this is not even something to be talking about There's obviously no issue here. Yeah. Yeah, there's no issue whatsoever. Why am I bringing this up? And it's because I'm I'm trying to preemptively You know squash this insecurity that I had that I have with the whole situation. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's so it's so how many parents fucking struggle with that, dude Dude, so they have to mom's and dad's I'll see already hard It's already hard enough to to to reflect on yourself and your own insecurities Then when you get to see it through your kid and you start you don't even realize in your head You probably don't think you're projecting it on him Unless you have incredible awareness, bro I already have that you already have to have really good awareness about yourself before you realize that you're projecting it on your child It's I tried having this conversation with my ex the other day because she Is all about like oh, I get to take, you know, my daughter to This you know princess movie because it's it's it's princesses and she'll love it and this and my daughter could give a Fuck about princesses. She really could she likes unicorns and she likes jumping and she likes making funny faces and fart noises Like that's like my daughter is my daughter is a comedian She's got this ability. She's got this total like doesn't care if she makes funny faces Like she's not like oh my god I'm gonna look funny like you'll see a lot of little girls do like my daughter will get up and make a joke and laugh And it's great. I love it Uh, but and but you know, she's trying to project onto her This like oh no princesses and dresses and stuff and it's like but that's not like that's not her like She doesn't care about about that kind of stuff. Well, I mean I kind of vocalized my struggle with with the whole sports Thing and that was a big Identity for me growing up Like I identified being on a team and being the best on the team and like that was like always something I strived to be so to To watch and try to introduce like certain sports and to to get them rallied around these sports and and to get that kind of experience I was pressing and I was pressing it so hard to happen and really forced it early, you know, and like I My wife had to kind of check me Sometimes and be like look, you know, he's only like five, you know, I was like, oh shit You're right, you know, like when did you start playing and I was just like, ah Maybe it was like seven, you know, maybe it was nine like and I just started to realize and like oh my god I wanted this so bad. I was like Hammering this like in his throat early, you know, and like he's probably not even ready for it You know, he wants to he wants to run around and and and shoot like nerf guns And and just you know play and then and build stuff and that's what he's into, you know And so it's like, I don't know. There there's definitely my own I could see my own intent there where I was like trying to recreate Like a childhood experience that I definitely went Oh, I could you know how I know that is he has to be so apparent because I don't even have a kid and I think like man if I had a boy though, like he would be this I would already be teaching him. I teach him. This is a team captain. I mean, I'm gonna get him in this school Yeah, he's gonna do this imagine this imagine adam if you had a kid. Let's say you had a son and he was introverted Didn't really care about leading, you know any teams he just likes to you know, he likes to read do his own thing Just kind of be quiet and whatever like how would that you know, how would that feel for you? Right because you'd want to I know it. I know what you value in yourself And you know, if your kid displays different characteristics, it's like You have to that's the thing like you have to Part of raising your kids actually a big part of raising your kids is actually dealing with your own shit That's probably most of it to be honest with you Most of it is dealing with your own shit. Oh and that reacting right dude. It's let them be Their own person And in order for you in order for you to have the ability to do that You have to be comfortable with you and who you are as a person Otherwise without you realizing it You'll you'll you'll try to force upon your child things that you Think are you know and again, of course you want your kid to be a good kid That's different, but there's characteristics that you may value Or you may fear when you when you say it like that it almost sounds like you have a different perspective almost like You come from a coaching perspective instead of like a You know, like this authoritarian or a parent, right? Like you are more like trying to coach them through life, you know more and guide them versus I'm trying to tell you or parent you I think that's the the kind of the mentality You know authoritarian type parenting has major has major flaws. I was raised that way Yeah, me too. I was raised that way. I obviously my family's what you know, the argument always is Oh, will you look how great you turned out, you know, so you know, so that's well, you know why Just like we talk about fitness and nutrition. There's these big rocks The big things that are important. I got I got lots of love. I had my parents were my family was Very loving very supportive, um You know in their own ways, but they were always supportive Like I knew I could if I did something that my parents You know didn't like but as long as I wasn't hurting anybody at they would definitely turn around and support me You know, I mean, I wasn't I wasn't afraid of that Um, very very loving family Uh, always very close, you know, uh, lots of physical affection So there was never that weirdness, especially with my dad He was okay with hugging and kissing us like that the important stuff was there So don't get me wrong. That's you get that stuff Then the other stuff is could definitely influence influence a few things But once you get that stuff, you're good Like again, you could flip the reverse and do all the great coaching in the world But if you don't love your kids and hug them and kiss them and show them that they're gonna they're gonna have problems Yeah, I think Just thinking about it the the main goal as you become a parent And I might just be speaking for myself is to To try and improve upon your experience right getting raised and like and I know that my parents tried to improve upon their Experience of how they were raised and it seems like this Almost of a duty to then absorb, you know that Like the the knowledge and the the what you've learned from that process and then Now kind of understand a little bit deeper like okay That's really how that affected me when you know, my dad cornered me and and told me To do this this specific way or like used fear for this Whereas I probably will try not to use that tactic But but there was a lot of great just like Sal mentioned like this. I mean, there's there's the main sort of a guiding structure that You know that that creates the foundation for it. So It's just really kind of like tweaking the knobs and then Figuring out like your own process with your own kids and then and tuning into their personalities and what's gonna What's gonna give them the tool set to to then go and make better better decisions by themselves? I'll tell you what I had a client that I trained for a while who I Just there's a few people that I've met in my life where I see them with their kids First of all, I've told you guys before If I see someone with their kids and they're great with their kids I instantly like them. I just I just do if I see someone with children and they're good with them Especially if it's their own children, um, you know, it's just automatically I feel like this this is a good person because I feel like people who are good with their own children With other kids can't be a bad person. I'm sure that not true But that's just how I feel and there's a few people I've met where I look at and I go Wow, I'm really learning from that person actually Doug is one of them Doug is an amazing father To his daughter and I had another client who I he brought his kid in a few times to work out And I just saw the relationship That they had when he would train when we would work out and I was just like man, he hasn't like He hasn't he's he's such a good job of talking to her that she he she she listens rather than Because she's fearful for getting punished or whatever like he wasn't authoritative He talked to her like she was a human being like she had a brain And I was it was kind of mind blowing to me because again, I was raised very authoritarian So, uh at the time my my my daughter I don't think she was even born my son was really really young and we're having a conversation His daughter's just this beautiful little girl and I joked around and I'm like, oh man You know, it's gonna be trouble when she's a teenager. She's so pretty, you know And he made a comment like oh, yeah, you know, I'm pretty sure she'll probably have a lot of sex or something like that And I was like, oh, you know like Isn't that gonna fucking piss you off this guy. Yeah, I'm like, he's not gonna fucking roll like you to beat those guys up Right and he's like why I'm like what and he's like listen He goes Definitely if she's comfortable with her body and herself and she's doing things for the right reason and she's not Trying to get love or trying to seek attention and he was explaining to me. He's like look most kids Who are comfortable with themselves or whatever they'll have sex right around the late teens usually He goes and but if they're comfortable with himself It's not a destructive thing and he goes I want my daughter to be very comfortable with who she is her sexuality And I want her to have really good sex And I thought about it and my internal instinct was to be like what the fuck what the fuck you're talking about Danger, I'm like you you want your daughter to have good sex and I'm like wait a minute You don't want your daughter to talk about serious ownership on him feeling that's another level It is another level because you know what that's him really owning that he knows He's gonna he's gonna impact that right now how she acts 15 16 17 18 years old even when she's a teenager He's gonna talk to her about sex not like it's a dirty thing But like it's a normal thing and that she needs to be okay with knowing What she likes and she needs to be okay with knowing what feels good But she also needs to be secure with herself in the sense where she's not trying to get attention with it She's not trying to seek approval with it She's not trying to get someone to love her through using sex because those are all negative ways And most common right right and a lot of those that we don't realize a lot of those negative associations with sex Is it was mind blowing for me? Come from thinking sex is a dirty bad thing And when he said that like I want my daughter to have really good sex And I thought to myself and I'm like of course like you don't want your kid to have bad bad sex You don't want your kid to be so Like what are we gonna title this dug? You know we get uncomfortable make sure your kids have good sex No, we get out we get uncomfortable actually that would be a great title We get uncomfortable with it but think about it like I know like you don't want your kid to have because this is my culture Okay, old school Sicilian Catholic culture Is especially with girls we teach them sex is bad. We teach them. It's dirty. It's a sin mindset It's a sin. Do you know fucked up you know fucked up you make your little kid? Especially you're I'm sorry not your little kid about your daughter In particular, you know fucked up you make them over that in fact boys too because in the catholic culture, right? It's bad. It's all you know You end up getting this kind of distorted view of what it is and it's not healthy So then you get these girls who grow up Maybe they did everything their parents told them and they waited till they were married to have sex And they probably got married a little early because they wanted to have sex and they thought well This is what they married the wrong motherfucker. He's a horrible husband had to have shitty sex She has problem orgasing orgasming. She doesn't want to do certain things in sex because they're dirty So their sex life is this very weird restrictive, you know, unhealthy situation Maybe he cheats on her as a result. Maybe she later on Gets a divorce becomes extra promiscuous now because she's trying to discover Like think of all the ways you could fuck that shit up Because you have and for me, this was fucking mind blowing because it's a snowball because that's how I was raised in my instinct I'm not gonna be on I'm gonna I'm gonna be totally honest. I'm not gonna lie like I have a daughter And for sure, I don't want to think about her You know sleeping with anybody even if she's fucking 1920-21. I don't want to think I don't want no dudes coming That's my instinct because that's how I was raised but in reality Like I want her to be comfortable with herself know what she wants She's gonna do it. No what no matter what the way you raise her the way you raise her, okay And the morals that you teach her the more you communicate with her That is going to dictate her her decision making more than anything else And you want it to come from that place from a good place to me It was very I went I was the guy I was the boy who you know, I signed a purity card when I was a kid You know, so I did that do you any good? No, no it was harmful. Yeah, yeah, absolutely you And then afterwards, you know, I went on a tear afterwards because I was so you know And that's you don't realize that you know, you don't realize that in your head and you have this relationship with like it's so wrong It's so right. It's all right I have so many people that I know that are connected to me that and exactly what you said They married at such an early age because yeah when you're fucking 21 and you're not having sex It's normal It's normal to do that So you're you're gonna marry the first person that you think you want to have sex with And that's who you end up with and you know what sometimes it works out and it's amazing And I think that's awesome for those people that it happened, but it's definitely not the majority And it's not even close to like It's like literally like it'd be less than 15 percent. It's not there's not a really good chance It becomes destructive and what happens what happens to boys in this culture Is we end up viewing and I know this because again, I lived in it, right We end up viewing women as either wife material or girls you have sex with like there isn't there's no both It's the it's what do they call it the the Madonna something complex where you have and I know this because in the old culture And these old cultures Men have their wife that they have normal sex with and they no no no she doesn't do that That's the mouth that kisses my children. I've heard men say this before but then on the side They go bang the girl that's a freak and that's how they have to separate it that way They can't have that connection with their wife because in their mind That's dirty and then for girls who grew up in that situation They never have they've trouble enjoying sex because the second they enjoy it and they let loose Shame guilt like, you know, I know women I know people like I said and grow up in this situation where the women they won't have sex doggie style They they don't like they won't do blowjobs They won't let their husbands go down on them because that's all dirty So all we do is we do like that's some twisted let some twisted fucked up shit that causes it actually Creates perversions. It creates dysfunction and that's just one category But it was fucking mind blowing for me to hear that kind of stuff And so definitely having how old how old are your kids when you heard that? I don't even think how long ago is it a long time ago. It was a long time ago. Yeah, so my boy was very very young I don't even think my daughter was born yet And it was it was like again that was mind blowing for me because sex is one of those topics that was so taboo Like growing up It was just and it was weird too getting after I got married all of a sudden my parents were like We can talk about sex now. I'm like no, we can't like we never talked about it I don't want to talk about this you can't open that door now. No, I'm sorry That closed a while ago. It's funny too because my son, uh, you know, he go He's at the age now where they go through the um What is that the sex education course in fifth or sixth grade? Yeah, and so My ex-wife was brought up in a very very similar culture to mine And so the sex is bad and whatever She could not have this conversation with him Like you're supposed to talk with your kids because they send a paper home that you're gonna sign and then They're gonna learn about this kind of stuff. Yeah, and so what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to sit down and have this Conversation with your kid. Also, she couldn't do it. I I was the one that went and did it because for her It was like so embarrassing and so and I'm thinking like this is like a totally normal thing Like you need to have this conversation So, you know, luckily I was able to do it with him and we talked about everything And it's funny because you think your kid's gonna be like Or uh, but he doesn't know any better and he's like really that's how it works. That's how it happens Yeah, no, I would imagine they're actually genuinely interested probably what you would be like if you know Because you're curious at that age and you're not sure and then having someone who you trust and love and look up to You know explain that to you It's probably the best person to do it and the ones that fight that and fight that conversation and push that away That kid's gonna have that conversation And if you don't if you don't figure out how to do it He's gonna he or she is gonna go do it with probably someone you don't want them to have that conversation with Giving them advice or the internet. Yeah, they'll learn it from porn. Yeah There was such a disconnect there like with the communication process and I think that really highlights that because I mean Culturally like growing up like it just seems like that Nobody talked about it, you know And it just became this thing that like everybody's like so secretive about the process of it And so, you know, even for us like growing up I'm like always asking like somebody's older brother, you know And I'm like trying to get all this information and then you get like, oh look at that porn or it just becomes this thing It's so taboo, you know, if we just had a like a normal conversation about it It's a lot like how I look at alcohol as well So if it's if it's never in there and like, oh my god, you can never have it and like only drunk losers or whatever Like instead of just having this with dinner and just being casual and chill about it You got to ask yourself a different contrast because now because I'm I'm now my my son's getting to the age where We're gonna talk about, you know drugs I want to have these conversations because these are things he's gonna be exposed to Anyway, right? He's gonna be exposed at some point Whether it's in college or even in high school Where he's gonna hear about these things or see, you know, see these things. Maybe they're gonna You know pass in front of him, right? And I think as a parent You like we want to our biggest fear is oh, no, they're gonna try drugs, right? That's our biggest fear. So I want to keep them completely away from ever doing them again But then you gotta think to yourself like, okay, the reality is Uh that they're gonna be at some point. You're not gonna be around. They're not gonna be this sheltered You know structure. They're gonna see the drugs and they may in fact make the decision to try them And which you want to tell them never to do that again, but then I also think to myself, okay Let's think of all the drugs that they're gonna try and that I'd never I probably won't have a problem with At some point he's gonna drink wine. Am I gonna freak out over that? No Is wine very can wine be very dangerous? I think caffeine. I mean, what about medications like What about just talking to your kid And being honest about things like the like the conversation I'm gonna have Yeah, but here's the thing though And I know where you're going because I feel like I feel like you can do this Because you I mean, I already know if I was you I know exactly how I would say this to my kid because you can break it down On a molecular level what each thing is doing to them and I would do that I would communicate that so they understand like this is what's chemically happening to you This what's going on with your brain. This is what's going on with your stomach This what's going on with all those things. These are the risk if you do too much You could lay that out to them and then quite frankly, they're going to make that decision Whether they're going to or not and Yeah, but I think it's a valid strategy to start like that like caffeine and then you kind of progress and you go alcohol You know, it's like you're presenting it in a way where I'm educating like to my kids Why why drink coffee and why this is something that you know, I I tend to do frequently Wow, where they make that connection on you guys, right? Yeah, because they're already that's gonna happen They do really early too. They're like, oh dad needs his coffee, you know, and I'm just like, oh shit You know, like it's really eye-opening like how much they see your patterns And so it's better to communicate You know the real reason why I'm drinking the coffee Just be like it's okay to be on like don't lie to your kids because at some point They're gonna figure out that you're full of shit. Yeah, like like everybody's I went out when we were kids Okay, let's take on the topic of sex and drugs right sex is dirty And drugs are horrible and they make you go crazy and they fry your brain Then you discover sex feels good and drugs feel good Yeah, right Mind blown right and you're a kid and you first experience it I remember I remember thinking to myself like I lied to me Look, I'm gonna be like by no means do I have any desire to try crack? Okay crack cocaine. I have zero desire to ever try it. I never will There's definitely you know, whatever but you know, when people tell me crack makes you go crazy It's a horrible thing. Whatever. Why are so many people doing it? It's probably feels good Like it's okay to be honest and say to your kid like, you know, because here's what's gonna happen I'm gonna tell my kid all the dangers of drugs and you know what their answer is gonna be or what they're gonna say Why do people do them then? What's my fucking answer gonna be people are crazy? That's stupid. That's stupid. I'm gonna tell them because it feels because they're homeless and crazy Yeah, it feels good when they do it. That's why they get this this temporary feeling of it feels great Like it's okay to be honest with your kids and and understand that they're gonna be They're gonna have to make some of these decisions and the best thing you could do is educate them Honestly, so that they have the right tools to make so now with that in mind is a little bit off topic but you know what the biggest struggle for me is to to keep this sort of mystery attack like for instance with like Christmas and Santa Claus and then Easter Bunny and all that shit, you know, like I just can't I can't like Play into the to the drama and like present it in a way that like I'm believable at all They they're like They don't they don't they already don't believe in Santa Claus is what I'm saying Yeah, and I like I really want them to like experience like the magic and all that. I can't do it, dude It's like that's such a struggle for me and just like uh Santa Claus. He's coming You know, I so what I don't get into it So what I did with that was I when I told my my boy actually he kind of figured out and then he's like well Why you know, yeah, why'd you guys? Very like fuck you dad And I told him and I said I said you how fun was it when you thought that these are the things that were happening I said, it's just a fun. It's a very fun game For your children. It's fun because everybody has a good time with it. I pretend like it's happening It's it's a lot of fun when you get older We explain to you what's going on and it's something that you can continue with their little sister And you get to see her get excited But then as kids get older they figure it out and it's not a big deal But it's just one of those things that we do that's a lot of fun as part of the holiday And that's is I try to maintain the magic. It is kind of weird. You're really hard for me internally It's kind of like I don't do anything about it. Yeah, I've never I've never thought of that as being a parent Like I thought it'd be easy You know to just like put the Santa Claus suit on or like eat a little cookie and you know does and I'm just like This is so weird, you know, what my best friend's parents So I used to have Christmas morning with my best friend's family for a lot of my Christmas is growing up And I remember his his mom and dad. They used to Walk in they used to put flour on the bottom of their boots and they walk walk with flour all through so you It's a kid. You don't even make the connection that it's not snow It's just so funny how like when you think back you're like Give giving that it was flour that should You know what's funny bullshit? I like I feel so conflicted about it. You know, you know what it's funny If there's so many things that are accepted Because they're part of our society and culture But if you like if you eliminate that which is very difficult to do But if you're objective and you cut out the like I was raised that way and that's just the way it is part And you look at there's a lot of stuff that's bullshit like what if you think about it I hate to say this because this is actually hitting me right now. Why don't why don't we just tell our kids? Hey tonight when you go to bed, I'm going to put a surprise present out for you And then when you wake up, you're going to see it. That's fucking cool, too That's really what happens. Why don't we gotta make up some shit? And this whole elf on the shelf thing, dude What the fuck? Elf on the shelf. What does that make? I gotta make believe like what is that? I've never even heard of this so and they totally bought into it. How long how many days is it for 30 or something? It's like the beginning of december. I feel so left out right now that both of you know about some shit Like are you kidding me dude this is like the last five maybe six years It's become a thing who started it where to come from some lady, dude It didn't happen we were kids, but some brilliant fucking person I think we're pissed. We invented this and sold a bunch of these elf things what I think And it's like this little toy elf That you put throughout the house and it's a different day every day of the month leading up to christmas And the elf is watching you is what it is. He's watching. He's watching you But then you do funny things brilliant because then it's like, you know, they feel like this extra conscience to be good You know see kind of leverage that a little bit I Sells I didn't think about that. You just take to another level right there Yeah, his elf's name is pokey. Oh, and so I'm saying, oh dude pokey. Oh, you know, he's watching You're not gonna eat that broccoli. Yeah, see if it didn't think about like what happens when they're like, oh Nothing's watching me. Yeah. Yeah, think about that. You know what I mean? That's some fucked up shit But you I guess you put it up every I didn't do it on my kids. I fucking that's I rebelled. I'm like, this is Okay, so finish this for you I'm in deep so you every day you put it in a different spot and you make it and it's in the elf is mischievous And he gets into things So like, you know, and when he free I had him fighting like star wars characters and all kinds of yes He do all these things like oh, he got into the sugar or he got into the candy Or he's trying to open the presents or he took a poop and you know in the the candle over here Yeah, and you do all these different things every day and the kids wake up and then they look for The elf and when they see the elf and they see what he's gotten into So it's this whole thing that leads up. Yeah, you kind of create a whole storyline leading up to it. Brilliant It's it's it totally is brilliant. I didn't I didn't even think there's something like that I didn't even know this existed in the best one. Okay. So one of my best ones So I have I have one of those wi-fi speakers, you know, and so um, I had him like sitting on top of the speaker and I'm like You know and I had this like note saying something like, um, you know, like I'll play music If I want your attention or you're you're doing something I don't like Oh, I know what you did. Yeah. So I had it. So I had it on my phone. I have the app, right? So he'd just be doing something he'd be like wrestling too hard punching his brother or something Then I turned, you know, the music the the Christmas music on and I'm just like, oh It's like he stops like mid whatever he's doing. He's like, oh, no, and then he just is totally good It's amazing you little fuck. It was amazing. I was like, I want to do this every day Dude, let's break this down for a second. Yeah, let's break this down So because I even do that shit with my kids too. I didn't use elf on a shelf But I had this phone number I could call on my cell phone where santa claus is fucking voicemail pops up And they'd be like, I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna tell them what you're doing. Oh, oh, be good Yeah, exactly think about it this way like a your kid is behaving better for a fake for a super stupid Yeah, what the hell man then they are for you It's always somebody else they behave and awesome and the reason why they're behaving better is not because The what they're doing is good because they're gonna get something. Yes. They want the toys manipulating Do you really want to raise think about this now? This is fucking blowing me away I love having a pity like yeah, like I love having these big blow breakthroughs on air Yeah, think about it Do you want your kid to do the right thing because they're afraid of getting punished or because they want a Big gift or do you want something for it? Or do you want them to do the right thing because they understand? Yeah, because it's who they are Does it count does it actually count if they do it because of fear? I don't think so. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't count. No, it doesn't it doesn't mean anything about their character What do you send them up and it's and it's rolling the dice on which way their character is going to go because of it Very true Which it's not saying that it couldn't go good because they you could have done it in such a fun manner and taught Them so well that they teach it to their kids with good intentions and yet And he turns in this great thing, but then it can also you know, it's funny turn into a major Insecurity or complex I actually think the reason why people grow up to be good people Is it is because of the knowing they're doing good things because they're good in spite of all the bullshit that we do I don't think anybody has become a good person because santa claus elf on the shelf Or or or that other shit. I think that doesn't last. That's why it's magic No, I think if anything that's just they did in spite of those types of things and what happens is It's just like diet like And it's like eating a certain way because I don't want to get fat not because I love my body I love myself right at some point you go off the wagon Look, how many how many people do we know went to college? Who were raised super fucking strict and went to college or away from the parents and just went ape shit Uh-huh went freshman 15 Ape shit with everything sex alcohol drugs fucking food Like like savage beasts and a lot of people don't recover from that There's a lot of people that I know. Yeah, I know who ended up uh addicts or alcoholics or you know, just horrible Because riddled with std's just horrible. Yeah Probably the most I'm envisioning riddled with sd. So I was just like fuck. What did I get? Riddle me this What is that bright spot on my neck? They didn't talk about this in fifth grade You imagine you get your bliss from the doctor and you're like, oh fuck I have was it like shankers shankers a thing I don't know. I'm trying to remember all these like obscure like diseases. I remember going to sex head shankers Yeah, I was like this one is like look like you had to have that if your skin part of your skin was gone You know like on your shaft. Oh my god I just remember it burned in my head and I was like, oh my god. I don't want that You accidentally gave yourself shakers by jerking off too much. Yeah or the war that all those warrants god those pictures Oh, I was just thinking horrible. When did when did the does the dare program still going on? Is that still exist? I think so. I thought I saw I think it's more like mothers against drunk driving That's kind of like the move mad. Yeah mad. They've gotten from dare to mad Dare to be mad. I thought I saw them still going. I think they still are I that's what I think is uh, that's the you know, when I go back to a memory I can remember a police officer coming in to our car classroom. I had to been fuck this has to be Third fourth or fifth that's the fifth of the latest, but I think it was more third or fourth Coming in and remember the the briefcases they had that unfolded and there was like drugs and shit Yes, and then a picture of every drug and then they had a video to go with it like what this I haven't thought of that There's a little people that do lsd jump off trains Here's your brain on drugs and then they drop like eggs onto a fryer So lsd makes you jump off here brain does wow, you know, my mom told me that when I was a kid She was she's like I would act as I asked her like what's mom? What's lsd and she's like It makes you go crazy She's like people will do this drug and then they'll be scared in the corner because they feel like they think they're an orange And they never come back She's like make she's like tell me these stories and I and I would think as a kid I'm like why the fuck would anybody do this? But then you watch a disney movie and you're like, what's going on here? you know like Why all of a sudden they have these awesome dreams and they're all like, you know bright colors and seriously think about all the Phobias and fears you have as an adult because of the bullshit that you were told When you were a kid 100% you know what I'm saying. I was god. I was just talking to um I can't remember my name right now anyways author of this great book and she's a psychologist, right? And she's going into all these different things and she was uh talking about like That five to seven years the five to seven year range right there like So much Of your adult, you know Personality and character is Stimmed from that one way or another and it could be a positive way could be a negative way It could be a neutral move but like it comes from those and it's whatever and I I've tried I've trained myself To like anytime I find like a shift in my emotion So like if I and that's for ha for good too So if also they get way over the top excited or I get depressed or I get frustrated or I get angry like Immediately like I backtrack that feeling and I go like okay That's how I currently feel right now because of what's in front of me and what's affecting me But what actually even lets that bother me? You know where does that and then I just keep going back as far as I possibly can and go holy shit like Really? That's why I identify with that and then like it's so tough to do that But I always challenge people like anytime you feel and they and I think that we we tend to like focus on The bad stuff, but even the good stuff Like there's there's things that you know I get really really excited about or that makes me really really happy and then I ask myself like what drives that Is it so that I love that uh, I I love doing that. I do that for myself as well It's fucking hard because uh number one you have to remember to do it, but number two You you would be surprised you would be shocked at just how little you know about yourself Consciously yeah like when you because I do that to myself all the time and I'm constantly Like I go deeper deeper deeper and I think to myself like well And there's nothing there's nothing behind that or it's just because that person's an asshole and I keep going deeper And sometimes I don't get it For a long time and then it hits me and then I look back and I go oh Shit like that's why you know, I was responding that way. That's why I felt that way I had a conversation with uh with one of my online clients the other day in fact Where we're just getting into The emotional uh component uh with food and she's somebody that tells me like she's got a problem with binge eating And so I'm waiting for those opportunities where we can talk about it because that's a tough subject to talk about Yeah, and I asked her I said, okay, how are you feeling right now? And she's got metabolic damage So we had to start her off on low calories and all that so it's just going to be this uphill battle And I'm like, okay Well, you know how you feeling so far uh with this with these nutrition guidelines I've given you because initially what I'll do is I'll put I'll have people actually track and hit targets So I can slowly bring them to the intuitive eating aspect of nutrition And she's like well, I'm good But I get I get angry because I because I want to eat, you know Oh, no, no, that's not what she said. She says I'm hungry. She's I'm I'm really hungry right now I said, okay, what are you craving and I'm real careful with the words that I use because crave Is a very different, you know, it's very very specific versus, you know, you're just hungry like generally hungry Yeah, so I said, well, what are you craving and of course? She's craving the foods she thinks she can't have This is this is very important. So I said, what are you craving? And she's like, well sugar Uh, and I said, what in particular? Oh cookies like I I'm really craving cookies right now And I said, okay, why is that making you angry? Like why are you angry that you want cookies? Yeah, good thing about it Like there's a lot of things I want but it doesn't piss me off like yeah Why are you mad that you're not eating cookies? And she said well because I want them but I can't have them. I said, okay I said I want you to read that what you just sent me I want you to read that to yourself and let me know what you get out of it and she's like Well, I don't I mean, I don't get anything out of it like and I said, okay, keep reading it Keep thinking about it and it didn't come to her and I said, okay I said, let me let me help you. I said Can you have the cookies if you really want them? She's like, yeah I said so It's not that you can't have them It's that you choose not to have them And she's like, oh shit, okay I said it would piss me off If I wanted something and somebody said you can't have it and they prevented me Like if I wanted freedom and someone threw me a cage, I'd be fucking pissed But if I go into jail cell and I and it doors open and I'm just like I just want to chill here for a little while I like it in here. I'm not going to be pissed off. It's a big difference both in the same jail cell The difference is I know I'm choosing to be in there versus I'm forced to be in there and I said You're not being forced. Nobody's forcing you to do anything. I said you're choosing to not eat those cookies And I want you to say that to yourself Now that doesn't mean you're not going to eat the cookies at some point you might you're probably going to go and have them But know that it's okay and that you're choosing you don't judge yourself because the second you think you can't That's what's making you pissed off. That's where the that's the origins of this feeling of anger and frustration And that anger and frustration is only going to drive you. It's the dark side. It's it's the dark side It makes you powerful But I mean, that's just one of those things like, you know, like you said adam when you're grabbing these feelings Like ask yourself, why am I so triggered or affected by this this particular situation? You know, like you know what used to piss me off a lot was uh And I know people get mad at this when you're watching tv and the fucking video the commercial pops up With the singing and it's the fucking dogs And they're starving or Or the fucking the starving kids and you know and it's like you change you get angry like fucking stupid commercial Pisses me off and oh shit reality now and I asked myself like why is this making me angry? I know why because I feel guilty that I'm not doing anything. Yeah to help these to help these animals Insecurity. Yeah, so then I asked myself. They're poking right at that, right And they know that hit that hits on you also get mad at the person marketing it that way, you know Like they're they're cornering you and and making it so like they want to make you feel like shit Right, that's the whole message. But nobody's not like it's not presenting it Like there's a real need and but nobody can make you feel like anything Yeah, I'm choosing to feel like shit because I'm guilty you're choosing because I feel guilty that I'm not helping Well, because they know yeah, so what I started to do was you're a good person You'll feel something well what I started and that's see that's uh-oh. Think about that Think about that. I'm being honest with myself I chuckle right there's a part of me that actually chuckles and I chuckle because what goes through my head when I see that I go like oh, oh here. Here comes. Yeah. Yeah, I go I go. Oh, that's dirty Think about that gets me, you know, I get I see you I see you, you know, that's how I see it It's like Justin think about this. You just said something interesting. You said if you're a good person You'll feel shitty, but no, that's not I know You're a good person You know what I mean what well what it is is because this is what I started doing I either a make the decision to help or b make the decision not to help but understand It's my decision. That's right. You don't have to feel bad You own it. Yeah, I know I got into that place too and I see the same thing with like, you know When you're you're parked at a stoplight and then you see somebody walking and they're doing their hustle where they're You know, we just experienced that right like recently. Oh, yeah, the guy with the yeah I'm normally I'm the guy that's like, oh my god, whatever I have. Sure. Here you go You know, and I'm like just begrudgingly giving it to them knowing that like Maybe they'll do something good with it Most likely they're not going to do something good with it, you know And uh, like for the most part when I give I want to give when it's my idea And this is like my time. This is my idea. Like I see a need I want to put this in this direction, you know And then there's other times where I just want to like get out like I want to check myself on that and just be like Why why does it have to be on your time? Why are you so selfish about? You know, you wanting to have to control this whole process when somebody's right in front of you That that obviously has a real need and why am I judging them and don't judge yourself to like it's like This is a hard thing to struggle though. This is a hard thing to say. I've actually had to say this to myself This is very fucking difficult because nobody wants to admit this But I've actually found myself getting angry with the poor guy on the street And I'm pissed off and I'm like, why am I pissed off and oh, I know why he's making me feel bad Hold on. He can't make me feel anything. Why do I feel bad? I feel guilty So now what I say to my so I've said this to myself a couple times and it's fucking hard I'll literally say to myself I don't care enough about that person to give them money and it's true You don't and that's okay. There's nothing fucking wrong with that. You're human everybody's human You can't give to every single person you see you do have more shit than you need which is fine We all do we're all human. It's just a human condition, but it's okay But admitting that to yourself and saying it Uh, you'll see that your actions become more of reflection of your true self I find myself giving a little bit more sometimes and sometimes not but I say to myself I just don't care about that person enough. Well, you can see all that that that we use right into your relationships You have your friends your family and yourself You could take that one step further too You could take that one step further and go like if if if it's if that made you feel compelled All of a sudden out of nowhere to give a dollar bill to that guy because he's got a sign up in front of you That's making you feel guilty Well, I could probably do a lot more for somebody So if I if I have this if I feel this burden that I'm not doing enough or I'm not helping others And I needed a sign in front of me from a guy on the street that's saying that well then Just handing that one dollar is almost selfish because it's like a way me saying that you know, I don't really dismiss I don't really want to address helping something because I don't even know who this guy is I don't know where that one dollar bill is but yet I feel compelled to give And like you said, I have no connection to this motherfucker So if I feel compelled to give then really what I should do is I should sink I should fucking now use that I should and now go Yeah, do something reflect on that and do something with that really is going to help out Do something that's going to help out more than one than two I can go do something that I know that could go online and reach 30 people Give giving them and and could potentially not even use it use it through money I could give like knowledge to somebody or help or like so I've had shelter So I had this conversation doesn't always have to be I had this conversation with my girlfriend the other day She's so on on on certain subjects like her awareness level is like on another level and this is one of them And I I I can't I cannot tell you how many times we'll go eat food We'll leave we'll have leftovers and if she sees a homeless person She isn't she'll go give them that my wife does and she'll give money every every time right and I'm always like Ah, what do you do and at one point and she would give him money like she'll just give him $10 Like she'll give him like big bills. She's not giving him like a dollar She'll give him 10 bucks 20 bucks 50 bucks And I remember and she's not like rich or anything like that And I tell her I said I said, you know that motherfucker's just gonna go buy alcohol with it And she's like so she's like he wants to fucking feel better Like I like he's making himself feel like I'm not gonna judge what he's gonna do with it It's just it's my money to give to him and he wants to feel and that was her thing and it's it's there's nothing There's absolutely nothing wrong with that but the other thing is If you really want to help this it sounds crazy and it sounds selfish But it's not it's fucking true if you really look deep into it and your objective You'll realize that if you want to help as many people in the world as possible Just be your true self and help yourself as much as possible If you do that and you become your true self and you help yourself as much as possible in a true sense Not based on securities fears Not based on narcissism or just narcissism just true self You'll find the world will be a fucking amazing peaceful place and people will help themselves Oh and help themselves and help others well because there's another part of it Right is how are they how are you gonna lift them up? Are you just feeling like an enabler? Do you know what I mean? Right? Yeah, so there's I mean that's just that's a real thing Absolutely. Am I just enabling them to to get reward them for That's what being it being in a hole versus trying to pull them out. That's what I'm saying Like yeah, that's how I feel like if you feel compelled to do something like that I feel like you know what like me handing that guy five dollars Actually, if I really want to help this motherfucker, I'll pull my car over give him a give him a contact I should sit down and talk to him find out who he is and what I can truly do to help them Understand we're coming from I've done. I've never felt compelled to do that. It'll it'll it's uh, so I was It's eye-opening dude. Uh, I was uh years ago I was with a friend of mine and he did that he actually and I was annoyed like why you're talking to this You know crazy person. Yeah, and they had a whole conversation And uh, I was like it was mind-blowing to me like now like you know the person you hear their story or whatever And it's just a completely different connection to that whole thing But like what you said adam like maybe that's look I'll tell you what adam you've got the gift of motivation You've got the gift of of conversation and communication. Uh, why not use your most valuable tool To help people you'll probably help people It is what and I feel like if we really really look deep inside When we're doing that giving the the quick dollar or ten dollars is almost a compound It's almost an easier compound because I can spare it. I could spare the change in my fucking thing No problem. I'm not gonna miss three dollars right there. That ain't a big deal to me But it's really the message. I'm sending myself You know what I'm really doing is I'm really copping out of what's really going inside because I feel compelled to do that And I'm not digging in within and if I really want to truly help that person Am I really giving them any help by handing them three or five dollars? Or if I really well, I'll pull over and I'll spend some time with him And probably be able to either one connect him somewhere give him shelter Maybe give just give him motivation for the day or you know a million other possibilities Or someone to listen. Yeah, exactly or maybe that's out like anybody listens. Yeah, exactly I remember there. I remember reading that I remember when I was a kid their pastor read this story about a person who committed suicide jumped off the golden gate bridge and before they did they had wrote a suicide letter And on the and they had to walk I think it was like 10 miles to get to the golden gate bridge And they said that they wouldn't kill themselves if one person stopped and said hi to them And and and supposedly like, you know, this came out later on it was actually a true story came out later on and You know that that person there's tons of people that actually knew that they saw that person in the morning So it was a busy place walking to walking to san francisco or the to the bridge You're bound to walk probably walked by 20 to 30 people and not one person stopped to say hi And that person ended up taking their life, right? So you think about you don't think about those little things like that And I feel like You know when we get at a stoplight like that and we see things like that and we feel that like I think the Even better is to look deeper inside like yeah, you can only love people As much as you are allow yourself to love yourself. That's true. It's a true thing However much you think you love people It's not it's not as full as and full as it possibly can be if you're not like that If you're not fully loving yourself in a true and honest way It's it's it's limited. You're limited because your capacity To truly love is limited because you can't even do it to yourself Well, and here's the thing this is where and I know if someone's hung in there this long in this episode This really comes this this really comes back around to your health and your health and fitness journey more than anything does Dude, like I love I love that we're in fitness because it's such a it's such a small microchasm That represents so much more like right now. We're talking about big things, right? Big big big things let your life and you know how you view yourself But if you can look at just fitness, uh, it's tangible It's it's tangible You can see things change on a very specific level and then that spreads out to all the big things Totally like when you approach fitness that way I know we we say all the time like you know Exercise and eat like you love yourself. You know why because you're taking care of yourself. Yeah, that's what fitness is And that's what health is you're taking care of yourself. Imagine that though Imagine how people actually taking care. They don't of themselves. No, how many of us take care of ourselves Not very many of us. Oh, no, that's and most people that struggle with that and you know hired one of us at one point in our careers You know they That was really what was going on inside was the inability to love themselves or to really dive into what it was that They want to do for themselves and what was driving that like I feel like that was a majority and that took me a long time to really Figure that all out and realize and it was when I realized that I wasn't helping enough people And I've talked about this on the show before that if we're truly honest with ourselves man At least for the first five years of my career, maybe longer You know 20 success rate maybe You know and I and I consider myself really really good which is twice as good as everybody Yeah, that's what I mean like I consider myself And so because if you're a really good trainer, you're giving really good information knowledge And you're seeing 20% Okay, you're seeing more than all the rest trainers So in your head you think you're doing a great job But in reality, you're really not 80% of the people you're not really helping And why is that and like when I started to really dive into that like as a trainer like what the fuck like I know how to program design. I know how to I know I know food I know that I know all the things to give them. I can get myself in great shape I've helped a bunch of other people Why won't k I get these people when I realize Man the bigger piece of this game is teaching them about themselves and connecting all those dots and those levels of awareness with nutrition and health and their self image and Lifting weights and cardio and there's so many relationships Yeah, you're trying to navigate them to find themselves. Oh, really man. And when you when you do Oh, it's game over now. You now you're giving like 90% of your people because and then at that point like some of them actually Didn't really need to change their body. They needed to change their outlook. Of course. They changed their mind Oh, yeah, you know I'm saying how many times that's the real change It is and and normally the ones that need to lose a ton of weight or want to build muscle with that That ends up being a byproduct when they find themselves. You know, it's pretty fucking amazing It is and when you think of obesity It's like a armor Like people build up this massive armor to keep people away from them and keep the keep them slowly bouncing Yeah, I mean, I mean no joke. You know, here's here's something tangible I started doing recently because I like to leave our audience with some tangible like, okay, I can do these specific things Here's something and I actually learned this from Uh, some of the women in my family, uh, like my mom she'll say something like, oh You know, it feels good to have a good cry sometimes and I've heard that so many times I think myself like whatever that's stupid and as men were taught to be ashamed of crying, right? It's like but think about it if you can become moved enough to cry in a positive way That's a that's a transformative, uh, that's a that's a potentially very transformative Period of time like if you're moved enough By something you you're seeing or hearing or witnessing that moves you so much that you're moved to tears Then that is a fucking opportunity for transformation But as men were taught so much to Shun that and to be ashamed of that that we actually avoid it and I found myself Because I have family members. My mom has been particular. She's fucking notorious for this She'll share these super inspirational Emotional videos on youtube like the like the there was a one where there's this this boy who had some horrible neurological disorder But his dad came home from fucking iraq And the kid got out of his fucking wheelchair and it took him like five minutes to walk Five feet, but he got out of his chair made it to his dad and hugged him And what I'll do usually when I'll see those videos is I'll flip right through because the hell no I don't want to I don't want to get emotional. Yeah, right. I know where this goes. And you know what I started saying to myself like You know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna fucking seek those videos out sometimes because I noticed that when I get touched like that I seem to be state change bro. I get a change of state change and I become a little bit better afterwards I actually shared one on the snot bubbles and I actually shared one on the on the forum I think I shared one it was either this morning or last night It was these I got to look into this apparently they make these glasses that you can put on For some people with color black color blindness that lets them see color Which is fucking amazing technology, right? And I there was this grandpa and this old guy's like in his probably 60s 70s And his kids got him this the sunglasses these glasses and he put and he's like you could tell he's this very stoic Kind of like older guy. Yeah, he puts them on and boom takes them off in two seconds And just buries his hands Buries his head in his hands and then he comes up and he puts him back on and then he's looking at his hat He's looking at his grandkids and he's fucking so moved. He's crying and I got moved by watching Oh, have you shared that shit? Have you seen and I'm like normally I would avoid that shit, right? Have you seen all the videos they've done on people that were like blind their whole life and then I've had surgery now Oh, I can see I love it. Oh my god. Like you they can hear for the first. Yes, exactly. They've done those I've watched the oh my god, dude. Are you kidding me? Like gives you like a whole new appreciation and perspective on the things that we take for granted and that are pretty fucking You need so I guess the tangible thing that I've been trying to implement as I try to now I don't run away from difficult Situations, I I'll seek them out. I don't seek them out all the time because it's exhausting But now I'll seek them out because I know within that moment. I have an opportunity. It's a fantastic opportunity For some kind of transformative change or shift in the way I view things Well, then if we're given those and I think the the tangible thing was what I was talking about which, you know I've taught myself over years and years of practice, which is You know evaluate all of your emotions, especially major state shifts like Sal was just saying so if you get Really excited, you know or really like sad or really angry or just a shift Like, you know, you go with your throughout your day and then there's things that happen in your day that you can't control And they shift your your your state, right your your state of mind. So and that can be positive negative You know joyful all kinds of different states but when you feel those And you at the end of the night or if you can write then eventually you'll get to the point where you do it right away But I had to start with like at the end of the night laying there and kind of reflecting on my day and like how my How my day went right and like how all the different moods I went through and then go into Why did that? Why did I do that? Why did I feel that way? It'll sort of tell you so much about yourself. Excellent 30 days of coaching Is still available and it's still free at mind pump media.com. You just go on our site There's an opt-in a little opt-in thing that pops up into your your information Every single day for 30 days, you're going to get an email With a new topic and we go into all kinds of stuff. 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