 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, how to make them want you more than just one night. This is how you're gonna test his character. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if a napbomber to isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, let's jump into why you need to test men. So as a dating and relationship coach, I frequently get messages from women who have been in relationships, some very short-lived, some much longer, where they're feeling a significant amount of frustration from the men, predominantly in the area of their non-committalness, non-committalness. And this is true right from the very beginning of the dating process and certainly midway through the relationship process. And I say midway because at some point, what's the point of being in a relationship if you don't have a desired destination? Now, I say that for those who are genuinely seeking fully committed relationships and partnerships versus those that are just happy with a casual relationship or a friends with benefits. I'm not here to judge that, people are more than welcome to do those kinds of relationships, situationships or whatnot, but I'm leaning into this frustration that women share with me frequently about those men who aren't basically non-committal. In other words, they're not really leaning into the deeper depths of a relationship. And for a variety of different reasons, and I know you've heard things like the men's testosterone levels does this and men are hunters and they're supposed to be chivalrous and you sit back and you're feminine. And I know you hear all this rhetoric, but I wanna go into the deeper reasons why this happens. And I think it's because we no longer live in an environment, especially since the invention of birth control where predominantly if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. So there was an ultimate commitment and now little or no commitment is needed to basically have sex. And in fact, because of these devices now, there's an ample supply of ready people that will hook up on a regular basis and get some of the basic needs met. And what's worse for a lot of men is these little devices also allows them to connect with pornography. And I don't wanna get into a whole discussion on that, but there's an absolute disconnect going on for so many men out there. And disconnect for women as well because of technology. I don't think we humans were really prepared for this level of technology when you think about it for 200,000 years. I mean, 200,000 less 100 years ago, we had no electricity. Think about that for 200,000 years since Neanderthals, up until 100 years ago, we didn't have electricity. So the basic mating principle was you chose people within your tribe to mate with. Now, because of these devices, you could connect with anybody around the world having a perceived relationship with someone. And I'm just going off on a tangent here because I wanna get back into why you need to test men and how to really take your relationship to the next level and why you need to test them before having sex because that's what I'm leaning into talking about today. Why am I talking about this? Because let's face it, the minute you make an emotional investment in another human being, particularly when you engage in sexual relationships with another human being, you can become very emotionally attached. And if it doesn't work out, okay, on to the next one and that one doesn't work out on to the next one and that doesn't work out on the next one after a while, that will wear on an individual's emotional, what's the word I'm looking for? Stability, if you will, if you've had one disappointing situation shift after another because I think it's presumptive to think that all men are the same. I repeat that, to presume all men are the same. And I was recently pondering this idea that I wanna share with you today that there are basically three different types of men who are actively dating in the midlife crowd, basically three types of men that are actively dating in the midlife crowd. So I wanna put on my trusty glasses and I wanna share with you these three types. There's basically the user which represents about 20% of the population and this is just made up by me. There's this spenders, that's made up about 60% of the population. And then there are the growers and the builders. So let me talk about the users. These are the men, typically that they're the love bombers. They come on ridiculously strong. They're driven by their own needs and not necessarily caring about your needs. These also include players. So love bombers, players, these are the users. These are the people that take from other people. They mask it though beautifully. They make and oftentimes make a woman feel so precious, so special, very much like the Tinder swindler. And then their goal is to use them, not necessarily always nefarious like a Tinder swindler or whatnot, but certainly for their own benefit. But they come across so charming, so special, so unique. It's very difficult to say no because who doesn't wanna feel a level of being special to feel special is certainly a very intoxicating emotion to experience. And just because I talk about men experiencing limerence, women can experience limerence as well. Limerence is extreme infatuation. And then when you add lust with that, there's oftentimes the biological drive to chase the sex because you've been told men are hunters. Well, what are they hunting? Oftentimes they're hunting sex. Men don't walk around going, I want a relationship, I want a relationship. Let me get my bow and arrow for the relationship. No, their bow and arrow is usually predicated on, there's this belief that through sex, men find love. I think there's this misconception for men that through sex they find love, okay? A misguided subconscious perspective. So we've just talked about the users. Now I wanna talk about the spenders. These are the men that spend time with you. They're spending time with you. And let me elaborate a little bit more on that. These are the men that seek connection, companionship and coupling or sex, okay? Connection, companionship, coupling and or sex. But they're not clear about wanting a long-term relationship or wanting a long-term commitment. Nor are they very clear that they genuinely want to take care of someone. These are men oftentimes that have gone through divorce, gone through recent breakups. These are men that oftentimes are experiencing some level of chaos in their life. Maybe it's their professional life. They maybe they have issues with their children, but there's a level of chaos going on in this person's life that makes them want to spend time with someone, but not necessarily lean into deeper, building deeper trust in the relationship because they don't know clearly if they want to take care of someone, okay? Now I'm going to talk about this 60% a little bit more, but I think it's important to give you the context of the third category. And that is the men who are growers and builders, growers and builders. These are men who clearly want to grow with someone and they want to build a life with someone. They know this even before they meet the person. It's not about the person, it's about where they're at in their emotional capacity. And while I say this is roughly about 20% of the male population, I could be a little bit generous there, but certainly I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and say it's about 20%. These are men that have some level of emotional maturity and they have their act together. I repeat that they have some level of emotional maturity and they have their act together. So why I'm sharing this now is I want to come back to the spenders because this is the tricky part about their spenders. Are these the men that are closer to the user category or are they closer to the grow and build category? And this is really tricky stuff because most of the time you're going to end up with a spender. It's very rare that you actually get to meet a grower or a builder. I know you women all covet the idea who the grower and the builders are. These are rare men. And when I say 20%, I might be very generous in that percentage. You have a better chance of getting a spender or a user than you do a grower or a builder. Now, if the spender is closer to the category of the grower builder, he's going to be more apt to want to do the heavy lifting in the dating process. And what I mean by heavy lifting is ladies, if you know my rhetoric, you know before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman, this teaches you the mechanics to the healthy, happy relationship. In addition, if these guys are spenders, in other words, they spend time with you, but they're more capable of growing than these are the men. Well, basically you want to test all men to see which category they are in. I repeat that you want to test men to see which category they're in. Let me just, and testing them for example, is starting off by reading this book together. If he says no, then he's most likely a user or he's a spender who really isn't going to lean into a deeper relationship with you. By the way, there's a link to all the books I recommend and Jonathan recommend books. Oh, before I forget, let me recommend my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, self-lovethebook.com. I highly recommend checking out my book. I would love if you'd give a review as well. If you've already done that, I'd love if you'd give a review as well. If you've ordered the book and you haven't, please give a review. So what are the ways we're going to test men? And then how is this going to turn into something greater after the first night you have sex with them? And that's what I want to spend the next few minutes shouting about. So you have to test this character because these days you are more likely to get an emotionally dysfunctional man who's a spender or a user than a grower, okay? And by the way, growers love doing the work. Men like myself, who's a grower and a builder. If you say, let's do some, let's read some books together. Let's listen to podcasts together. Let's figure out how to build a healthy relationship together. Guys like me, we're all for it. And even some of the spenders are for it. So here's some of the ways you want to test men. First off, you've got to ask yourself, and again, this is before you sleep together. You've got to ask yourself, do you know the little details about him, little details? Like, do you know what's his favorite color? Or what's his mental name? Do you know these things? It shocks me how little women know men before having sex, how little they actually know about men before they have sex with them. So find out the little details, maybe even where he went to high school, things about him that's more novel because that actually builds deeper intimacy and trust in a relationship. And let me talk about trust for a moment. Trust isn't always about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person to be there for me through thick and thin? Can I count on this person caring about my feelings as much as my feelings? Does he care about my feelings or do I care about his feelings as much as we care about our own feelings? And folks, if you know very little about him, it's so easy for men to ghost disappear on you like that. And again, why buy the cow if the milk is given free? And I know a lot of you women are complaining, but at the same time, a lot of women are given the milk for free. And not that it's, listen, that narrative is probably a very unhealthy narrative to share. But I use it as an illustration for your own individual life. You have to ask yourself what's most important for you and what's it gonna take to build a healthier, happier relationship with someone? Let's talk about that. Number two, you wanna pay, again, we're talking about his character and you wanna pay attention. How does he treat weight staff at a restaurant or more importantly, how does he handle traffic when you're driving together? Is he an ego maniac when he drives? Is he inconsiderate to weight staff? That gives you a lot of at least a little bit clearer picture about his individual character, depending on how he, if he treats weight staff poorly, probably he might treat you poorly. If he's a maniac on the road, it's probably he's not very protective of you. And I would assume you want to be with someone, you wanna be with someone who's going to be protective of you. Okay, number three, have you met his family and friends? Have you met the important people in his life? Now, I know this can be difficult with distance and whatnot, but ultimately, getting a sense of someone's family and friends gives you a better picture of who this is, who this person is on a deeper level. And also finding about his past relationships and why did they end? This is all critically important stuff that's needed. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book by Barbara DeAngelis, I haven't talked about this in a while, are you the one for me by Barbara DeAngelis, knowing who's right and avoiding who's wrong? This is a thick ass book. And I gotta tell you, this is just gold. If you haven't purchased this, check out the link below. This book is gold. It is, I mean, it gives you so much insight into taking this video and going much deeper. In fact, one of the things I do in my private coaching, oh, I forgot to mention, if you need some help vetting men, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is to help you determine true compatibility based on your personality and how to ask the right questions in the early stage of dating to determine if this person is a good fit for you. And again, it's based on your personality. So we have an extensive program. So check out the link to schedule a free discovery call. Okay, I talked about the importance of finding out about his past relationship and get a sense of his family and friends. Next is pay attention. Does his actions consistently match his words over time? Usually the users are consistent very quickly and then they start to flake out. The users and the spenders who are closer to the user category, they tend to be very flaky because again, they're going through some level of chaos in their life. They probably have just gone through a divorce. Maybe they've just gone through a breakup. Maybe there's issues going on at work. Maybe he's got issues with his children or his family members, but his life is like a roller coaster. And it's very difficult to build the deeper roots of trust when someone's life is in chaos. Oh, here's a good one. Have you had a difference of opinion and how did he navigate that? Did you have a difference opinion and how did he navigate that? This is all about how does he handle conflict? And these days, if you talk about politics or religion or mass or no mass, you can find people that you have a conflict with in these areas and how they navigate conflict is a telltale sign of how well their character is in relationship. Now you might be thinking, but Jonathan, when I go on dates, it's supposed to be fun and it's just, you're not supposed to ask questions. Look, if you wanna approach it very naively, just naively in the process, then go do that. But think about this. This is your life. You don't have time to waste with people that aren't capable of being in a relationship. And given that it's roughly like I said, 20% are users close to 60% are those spenders. In other words, these are oftentimes the most dysfunctional while next to the users, they're the most dysfunctional. Their capacity to be in relationship is very weak. You know the type I'm talking about. They've told you how ready they are for a relationship. And then three weeks later, you know, I'm not really ready for a relationship. And do you know how I know this ladies? I was that guy. A lot of what I share here is from my own past experience. I was a train wreck after my divorce. I was in so much chaos in my life. And it's interesting. You beautiful women, you're so sweet and you're so kind. You'll take in a project like me or like men like me. I don't know why you like projects, but you take it on because you see potential. Don't ever date a guy's potential. That's a recipe for disaster. And sometimes that's the potential you made up in your head. If his life is in chaos, that's not the person to be investing your heart in. Because again, if you have one experience after another after another, it's gonna wear on your soul. So again, oh, and it's funny. There's a dating coach that suggests creating conflict even before going out on a first date just to see how they handle it. And while I'm not a fan of that advice, because I think it's disingenuous, I understand the merits of it. I really can understand the merits of it because depending on how someone handles it. But actually I had a dear friend who, this was just yesterday. She had a, there was a coffee date with a guy, not yesterday, the day before, coffee date. And he had suggested one place that was really close to his home and they lived about 15 miles from each other. So she said, would it be okay if we go here? And she was kind of paying attention. Was he gonna have conflict over it? He actually said that would be perfectly fine. And she wasn't doing anything disingenuous. She found a nicer coffee place that was closer to where she lived. And so that's a great test. Again, you want to not test people from a place of guilty before innocent kind of thing. You're testing them because you wanna know, is this a person worth investing in? And lastly, how is his emotional IQ? How is his emotional IQ? Folks, I haven't talked about this book in a very long time, but if you're not familiar with the book and emotional intelligence 2.0, I highly recommend checking this out. But a person's emotional IQ is oftentimes predicated based on their past traumas. And IQ is emotional quote, or EQ I should say is emotional quotient. By the way, emotional maturity is an important facet to a healthy happy relationship. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, most of you know above the water line is chemistry. That's what we all see. That's where attraction starts, but compatibility is based on shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. If a man or woman is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship, it's gonna be a rather dysfunctional relationship. This is why you have to ask the deeper questions if you want before you invest your heart. So what's it gonna take for the relationship to go past the first night of sex? Folks, it is so incumbent to build the healthy friendship piece with a lot of kissing, okay? Friendship with a lot of kissing, okay? And when I mean by friendship, it's social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with, like I said before, family and friends. This builds the deeper roots of trust. And so rather than jumping into bed so quickly, the pace should be a little bit longer. Now I'm not a fan of the book that Steve Harvey wrote, act like a lady, think like a man, but he makes a valid argument that 90 day rule might not be such a bad idea. And that's what I'm here suggesting. Men are the gas and women are the brakes. Now look at ladies, I'm not here to suggest you are more than welcome to have sex with a man on the first, second or third date. You are welcome to do whatever you want. But if you've had experience after experience where the man has disappeared, ghosted or flaked after having sex, then it's imperative for you to test his character. And then ultimately, if you want a relationship that's gonna go the distance, you have to pre-qualify him to make sure he's worthy of your heart. And then the relationship is better served doing things together so you can actually build that deeper friendship because ask any, look, my parents were married 66 years before my mother passed away. And I will tell you, all of their friends and my mom and dad alike all said the same thing. The person I married became my best friend. And whether good friend or best friend, it's that person that you look forward to, you wanna spend time with, you get excited about that. And this is after the lust or limerence phase. So again, I'm not here to suggest testing someone from a disingenuous place, but don't be naive, sitting back in your feminine energy and waiting for him to claim you and just enjoying the dating process sounds good. But guess what it can also lead to? A lot of unprepared short-lived relationships. And I would rather you have a more successful relationship out there. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with me? With you, please let me know. Post a comment below, post a comment in the chat box. All right, this will be a perfect time to begin our Q and A portion of our live stream. Get, if you're familiar with my format, there's a chat box here. You have a couple of options. You can write the word question and post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him right there. He's my son who passed away almost four years ago at the age of 19. And in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Seminars. So, purchase, use the little dollar sign. If you're listening to the audio replay, you won't be able to see this. All right, I see we have some questions already. One from Coco. Question, Jonathan, what advice would you say if a guy says that he wants, what he wants doesn't matter? I asked my boyfriend what he wants and he says it doesn't matter. I wanna give him what he wants. I'm assuming you're talking about a gift, talking about a gift. Now, here's the thing. A lot of men and women have a very difficult time receiving gifts. And this is one of the reasons why they say they don't care what they want because it's a hard receiving a gift means you have to acknowledge someone else's generosity. And for a lot of people, that's a very difficult thing to do because it also implies a reciprocation of generosity. So you have to ask yourself, how evolved is your relationship? Is this a relationship that you're, is he a user, is he a spender or are you in a growing relationship? I'm gonna repeat that, are you in a growing relationship? If you're not familiar with the book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zucca, I highly recommend this book. I am more of a proponent for those who are in a co-creative, growing building relationship. And when you're in a co-creative building relationship, this is the relationship where you actually are, you're consciously going, how are we going to build the building blocks to build a successful relationship that might lead into moving in together or getting married? This is why lately I've been recommending the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The seven, now this is about marriage, but I love the concept in here because you can use this for anyone who lives together or they're in a relationship is get the tools. None of this shit was taught to us when we were growing up. We were, none of this stuff, by the way, good communication skills, good relationship skills was rarely ever modeled to any of us. Even if we thought we had good parents, we, most of the time as children, we saw all the negative and never really got to see the positive. So that would be my suggestion. Well, first off, most likely the why is because he struggles receiving and that also creates an obligation. That's possibly what's going on. So what can you do, sweetheart? It would mean a lot to me to give you something special for your birthday or Christmas or whatnot. And it would really, I would feel really good if you shared something that you'd like to have because I'd like to get it for you to demonstrate my appreciation of how much I care about you. Will you allow me to do this? And can you receive? Can you receive? And then see how he responds. Folks, stop being naive to relationships. If you're not doing the work, you have a greater chance of having a dysfunctional relationship. And if you're not familiar, two books I talk about as well. Couples Communication Guide and How to Build Trust in a Relationship. I highly, excuse me, highly recommend checking this out, okay? Couples Guide and How to Build Trust in a Relationship. If you're not consciously thinking of how to build this relationship, then you're most likely in a casual relationship or a situation ships and those tend to burn out at some point because nothing has been built. So that's my two cents. Take it for what it's worth. Thank you again for that question. I really appreciate it, Coco. Heather says, yesterday I binge-watched about 12 hours of Gary Sukoff's interview. You speak similar to him sometimes. Have you read his other books? His most famous one is The Seed of the Soul. I partially read it, haven't fully finished it, like all the books. By the way, folks, I have a lot of books in my bookshelf and I rarely ever get through them. I do a lot of skimming of books, but he is an amazing individual. I've watched tons of his videos. So thank you for the comparison. I really appreciate that. All right. Question. Why would a guy, Danielle says, why would a guy meet me by accident while walking with a mutual friend start asking me, suggest, wait, why would a guy who meet, met me by accident while walking with a mutual friend start asking about me? Suggest meeting up and then no meetup later. It's almost two and a half weeks. He's 32, I'm 35. I'd say just in the moment, he felt a connection for you. And when that moment was gone, the connection was lost. There wasn't very much trust built. There wasn't very much, well, there was no trust built, but there was really no, little or no connection. So he was experiencing a brief bit of limerence, a brief bit of limerence or lost. And by the time he got home, those chemicals wear it off. Here's the word wore off, excuse me. What happens when we're experiencing limerence or lost is chemicals from our brain gets released in our body that makes us feel good temporarily. And when we're no longer, it's like crack cocaine. And when we're no longer in the presence of that dopamine hit, that chemical hit, it's back to normal. By the way, I've done the same thing. I've met women, I remember back in my twenties, I'd meet women dancing. I'd feel all great about them and go home. I'm like, I don't know if I wanna see her again. Not that she wasn't a good person. It's just the rush, the dopamine rush was gone. It doesn't, again, this is why it's better to build it slowly through friendship. But this is just part of the course of what's gonna happen. And keep in mind, men get rejected all the time. He might've also felt like you might've rejected him. Or I mean that you would reject him. So oftentimes it's fear that blocks us from trying a little bit further because there also is the potential fear of rejection. So that's possibly what could have been happening as well. So Danielle, thank you for that question. I really appreciate it. Bum bum bum, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Question, Julia says, I like my coworker, we flirt. Is that phased supposed to last long time? Well, there's an old adage, don't shit where you eat. I think it's dangerous to flirt with a coworker if it doesn't work out. Okay, I'm gonna share a story with you. It's not exactly along the same lines, but it's in the same lines. I remember this was some years ago. Shortly after my divorce, it was a St. Patrick's Day, a St. Patrick's Day night I was out. And I was sitting across a bar or sitting at a bar and there was a woman I was looking at and she was looking at me and I'm looking at her, she's looking at me, I'm looking at her, she's looking at me. This went on for an hour and a half before I finally got the courage to walk up and talk to her. Now I know it's not the same context, but sometimes just that it's very scary for a man. I know you all go, I wanna be that strong, I wanna be with that strong, confident guy that has the balls to walk up to me and claim me. Well, speaking from the male perspective, rejection is painful. And believe it or not, even when we've experienced a lot of it, it makes it even progressively harder to lean into it. So, and if you're doing it at work, oh my God, that's a recipe for disaster. So I could see why this could go on for a very long time and trust me, it's a very dangerous thing to do at work. So go cautiously because if this doesn't work out, you're stuck with that person for possibly a very long time. So that's just my two cents on that. Thank you so much. All right, Claire says rejection is God's protection. Yeah, but here's the thing. It still doesn't feel good. It's like how many times do you have to kick, stub your toe in the wall and just go, I don't wanna do this anymore. So we can all use these little, by the way, protection is God's protection is more when you begin investing with someone and it doesn't work out. That's a nice little quote to say when it doesn't work out when you've invested time with someone. But I'm talking about just the initial stage of walking up to someone. That's a scary thing. Ladies, are you willing to start walking up to strange men and asking them out over and over and over again and get ready for rejection? Because that's what it feels like to us when we're meeting a total stranger. By the way, speaking of strangers, if you're not familiar with the book Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell, I highly recommend checking out this book what we should know about the people we don't know because these days we're meeting total strangers out on the dating realm. We're meeting total strangers. And because of that, there's very little we know about them. And because we've so been indoctrinated that chemistry and romance equals relationship success. We have learned that that's the furthest thing from the truth. Again, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And that takes more than three dates to figure out. Hence why you have to test men. All right. This will be our last question for the evening because I'm gonna cut it short tonight. Question, did you think after reading eight dates together a guy should be ready to commit if not move on? Here's the thing. Great question, by the way. So eight dates is great. So the book eight dates, let me pull it up for everyone has some really amazing conversations to discuss if you're compatible with one another. And so it's not about commitment. It's really about compatibility. In fact, I wanna talk about another book. I'm not a big fan of his website. This is the founder of eHarmony wrote this, but Neil Clark Warren wrote a book called Two Dates. How to know if someone is worth pursuing. How to know if someone's worth pursuing in is worth pursuing in two dates or less. The point is his whole philosophy was compatibility ignited with chemistry equals relationship success. And I love the principles and he thinks there's 25 key areas of compatibility that need to be checked off to have the greatest chance for success. And when you check off all these boxes, you have a greater chance for success. But Jonathan, I'm not supposed to interrogate guys. Well, listen, would you rather ask questions after you've had sex and you're already attached to someone or would you rather find these things out ahead of time? That's merely, look it, I'm inviting you to do things a different way if you haven't done this before. I'm a believer of radical honesty being intentional in the dating process instead of naive to the dating process. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, Julia just purchased a $2 super sticker. Thank you so much. Now I'm gonna end on this last question because Mary Ann asked a question. Jonathan, personal question. Did you have a good time at the party you went to the other night and are you going to have opportunities to go to that style party again soon? Great question. So folks, what she's talking about is I went to what's known as an amazing strangers party. Amazing strangers party. This was hosted by a woman. Oh my God, her name escapes me right now, Ava Clay. And or K, Clay K. And she invited 25 people she knew and asked them to each bring one person as a guest. So there was basically 50 people at this dinner party. It was at a restaurant in Venice Beach, California. It was in an outdoor patio and there was like, I guess there was seven or eight tables set up that fit about, oh, there was eight tables that fit about, no, no, there were 10 tables that fit about five people each. And the idea was you sat at a table, the first table you sat with as the group as you spent the longest because you had dinner with them and they gave you a little three by five cards with some questions to ask like what's your deepest desire? This wasn't dating, by the way. This was just meeting new people kind of like networking meet singles event, okay? Like business networking meet singles event. That's more of what this was like because most of the people there were single. I think there were just only a few people that were coupled and they asked really great questions on these three by five cards and we got into these amazing conversations and then the bell rang and we went to another table and did that for like 15 minutes. And so I made three or four friends, couple are in the psychedelics range. I'm really excited because I might do a journey with a couple of the group, a couple of people in the group. Those who know me, I'm big in the psychedelic range. I'm a psychonaut. So, but yeah, it was really fun and I'm gonna be invited again. I think these are great ways to connect with people. It was simply just a venue to connect with people. And these days when we're hooked on these devices we had to put them away for three hours just to take, just get off our phones and connect with people. And I gotta tell you what a blessing. So, you know what folks, if you want change in your life, then take the bull by the horns and either find places like what I did or go make something happen for yourself because love isn't gonna come knocking at your door and the dating, this look at online dating is a fucking shit show now. Dating apps have bastardized the dating process. So it's incumbent upon you to take, if you wanna be in a healthy, happy relationship then take charge of your destiny and create opportunities to meet people in your town that you can actually get to know instead of these long distance fucking flaky people that people are meeting with all day long from the dating apps. All right, so thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Also, I noticed we had another roller girl gave $400.99 to the Connor Club. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for that. Oh, Renee says, Jonathan, just in case no one told you today, you matter, you're appreciated and you make a difference. Thank you so much. Oh, I needed that. I needed the hugs. You have no idea. I had a really rough night last night. I'm dealing with a family matter that's kept me up and it's amazing how our emotions can eat us up alive sometimes when we're worried about a problem. So I immersed myself in personal development today and that hug just now and that is so appreciative. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Folks, my hope is that you choose to take charge of your relationship, Destiny. Don't leave it up to a man and please, please, please recognize that while most men are good people, they fall into the category of the user, the spender or the builder and grower, the grower and builder and most 80% are in the spending time with you category or using you category. So it's incumbent upon you to take charge of your life and don't take for granted that these men actually care about your feelings. It takes at least a hundred hours of face to face time just to get to the first layer of trust. And by the way, I made up that number, okay? I made that up, but it's a hell of a lot better than three dates over three hours, okay? So I chose a big enough number that says, you know what, we are investing and get into know one another to see if it's worth really going on this roller coaster of relationships. And let's face it, relationships are a roller coaster. They can be exhilarating and they can be scary at the same time, but you wanna choose the person with you in the roller coaster that actually wants to hold hands with you, hold hands together and hopefully go the distance together and my hope is my channel helps you get there. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, oh, I wanna thank Renee for the $5 Super Sticker. Thank you so much, everyone. Thank you so much for the Connor fund. I appreciate it. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Roller Girl and Renee and Kit Kat and Teresa and Trudy and Heather and Megan and Julia and Danielle and Heather and Mary Ann and Megan and Claire and Leah and Wanda and I said, Coco, everyone, thank you so much. Wishing you a super duper wonderful fan. And please let me know if I'm making a difference in your life. Please, please, please. It helps me, encourages me by hearing the words, you're making a difference in my life. So thank you so much, I appreciate it. All right, everyone, you take care. Bye now. Oh, thank you, everyone, I appreciate it.