 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. The cigarette that's toasted to taste better. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted cigarette. Friends, this is Don Wilson. There's no doubt about it. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to taste better. Naturally, Lucky's better taste begins just where you'd expect it to begin, with fine tobacco. LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And then that tobacco is toasted. It's toasted. The famous Lucky Strike process tones up Lucky's naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. So next time, get better taste. Get Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Murray Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, the sportsman quartet and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Benny's birthday is February 14th and whenever one of Jack's birthdays rolls around, it's quite an event. Last year it was more than memorable because everybody was making preparations and, well, let's go back to last year and look in on some other. The regular weekly meeting of the Beverly Hills Beavers will now come to order. The motion before the club is resolved. The Beavers will give Mr. Jack Benny a surprise birthday party and for this purpose will withdraw our entire treasury of $1.43. I second the motion, Stevie. Thank you, Joey, but call me Mr. President. No familiarity during meetings. Any questions? What is it, Cliff? Well, I'm a new member of the Beavers and I'd like to know who Jack Benny is. Don't you know who Jack Benny is? No, who is he? Who is Jack Benny? He's only the greatest fool back to Yale ever had. And he quit football because he was afraid of hurting his hands and that would stop him from playing the violin. That's right, Cliff. He's one of the world's greatest violinists. Well, if he's the world's greatest violinist, how come I never heard of him? That's because he's so modest. He goes under the name of Yasha Heifetz, the birthday party. Let's all go over to Miss Livingston's house and she'll give us a list of Mr. Benny's friends. All those in favor, say... Not the living room? Yes, Miss Livingston. Oh, won't Mr. Benny be surprised when he finds out you're giving him a birthday party? He sure will. Tell me, Pauline, how does my new dress look? Oh, it's lovely, ma'am. Only if I had nice legs like yours, I wouldn't hide them with such a long skirt. Men like pretty legs, you know. Yeah. And to think that for four years I hid mine behind a counter at the May Company. But I'm not trying to be glamorous tonight. You know, Bob and Don are married and Dennis is too young for me and Mr. Benny is too old for me. Well, I'm surprised to hear you say that anyone is too young or too old for you. Why? Anything between the Boy Scouts and the Townsend Club is okay with me. Why, Pauline, I didn't know you liked men so much. Oh, I do, ma'am. Well, I like them so much that I... Well... Well, you'd think me silly if I told you what my favorite dream has been for years. No, I won't. Tell me, what is your favorite dream? That I'm a Dixie Cup in the New York Giants' locker room. Well, come on, Pauline. There's work to do. Yes, ma'am. Say, would you please tell me one thing, Miss Livingston? Don't you ever go out with Mr. Benny just the two of you alone? Occasionally. I remember one very warm night last summer when Jack drove me up to the top of Mohallen Drive. Geez. How'd you make out? Fine, I sold more good humors than he did. Now, Pauline, you set the table and I'll get all... Miss Livingston's residence. Just one moment, please. Miss Livingston is the baker. He wishes to talk to you. Oh, good. Hello? Yes, I want the cake delivered as early as possible. How many candles? Thirty-nine. That's right, thirty-nine candles and a ranger in the shape of a question mark. Miss Livingston, how old is Mr. Benny, really? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't tell you. You see, Mr. Benny and I have an agreement that says it's both a lot of embarrassment. An agreement? Yes. I never tell anyone his age and he never tells anyone my salary. But, Miss Livingston, if Mr. Benny pays you so little, how can you afford this nice apartment and all your nice clothes and everything? My mother writes for Jackie Gleason. I'll go over the invitation list and start calling. Oh, Miss Livingston, what are you going to do about music? Well, I've been trying to reach Charlie Bagby, the piano player, so he'd bring the boys and the band over. I've tried to get Charlie three times. I wonder where he is. Four ball in the side pocket. Watch it, Mel. Okay, Charlie. Hey, Charlie, how's it going coming over to my place for a poker game tonight, huh? Gee, I'd love to, Mel, but I can't. I've got ten ball in the corner. Well, uh, why can't you come, Charlie? Well, it's Jack Benny's birthday today and me and the rest of the boys in the band are throwing him a surprise party. Seven ball in the side. Hey, uh, how old is Benny, anyway? Oh, I can't tell you that. Oh, but do you know how old he really is? Yeah, but I can't tell you. Sixty-two ball in the corner. I mean, combination shot off the six and two ball. Oh, well, your musician's going to have to party. Over at my house, I had a swimming pool put in last month and I just filled it. Everybody will have fun. Ain't it pretty cold weather for swimming? Yeah, but once you dive in, you won't notice it. Oh, is the pool heated? No, it's filled with old crow. Thirteen ball cross-corner. Well, that finishes the game. I beat you twenty-five to four. Yeah. Hey, you know, Charlie, you're lucky having a steady job with Benny all these years and shooting pool like a champ. Yep, you owe me two bucks. Oh, okay. Here you are. But don't you feel ashamed of yourself taking money from a guy who's on unemployment relief? No, you make more than I do. Well, I better start calling some people and inviting them to the party. Me and the musicians are given. Well, gee, mother, why do you want to leave the house just because I'm giving a surprise party for Mr. Benny? I think you're wasting your money on that mean old man. Oh, no, mother, that isn't fair. Mr. Benny has been like a father to me. Why, only last week he gave me advice on how to be popular with the girls. Oh, he did, huh? Yeah. He took me aside and said, Dennis, my boy, you're missing a lot. You ought to get a girl in on some moonlight night driving her over to Lover's Lane. Put your arms around her. Pull her up close to you. Put your face close to hers and... Yes? Then what did Mr. Benny tell you? When he got to that party, he painted. Look, Dennis, let me give you some advice on that. Yes, mother? Son, as you go through life, you meet many girls. Yeah. And someday you'll meet the one girl you'll want to spend the rest of your life with. And it will probably be when you least expect it. Gee, say, Mom, how did you first meet father? We were matched together in the Golden Gloves. Well, Dennis, I've got to be running along now. I hope your party turns out nice. Thank you, mother. Well, I've got to get everything set for the party. Now I better see if I have everybody's phone number. I've got everybody's phone number, but Don Wilson's. I want to call him and his wife. What is it, Pudgy? Oh, honey, the table looks beautiful. Oh, thanks, dear. But if this is to be a surprise party for Jack Benny, I think you better start calling your guest. Oh, I will as soon as I finish wrapping this present for Jack. Well, I hope you're giving him an appropriate gift. What's in that package, darling? See if you can guess. A watch? Uh-huh. I'll give you a hint. They're round and firm and fully packed. It's all free and easy on the draw. On the what? Draw. Now, what is it? A box of Prayolas. No, no, no, Pat. Now, list again, sweetheart. Take last night after dinner. I went into the living room, sat down in my easy chair, struck a match. Now, what did I like? My mother's picture. Guessing while it was burning, what did I like with that? Darling, don't keep me in suspense. Why did you buy Jack for his birthday? Oh, but dear, it's so obvious. Now, look at the letters on the box. You should be able to figure out what it is. L-S-M-F-T. L-S-M-F-T. Oh, I know. A long silk muffler from Tubby. Oh, no, no, no, dear. It's a cardinal of Lucky Strikes. And L-S-M-F-T stands for Lucky Strike, means fine tobacco. Oh, well, everybody knows that. Well, then why'd you make me tell you? I love the way your big, fat face lights up when you say it. Oh, doc, come on, dear. Let's go through this list and we'll figure out anyone. Hmm, fine thing. It is my birthday. I'm all alone. Nobody even thinks of me. Nobody cares. No cards. Not even a phone call. Who is it? It's me, boss. Rochester, I don't want to talk to anyone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Quiet, Polly. When I want your help, I'll ask for it. Boss, you haven't eaten all day. You want me to get you something? I don't want anything. Just leave me alone. Okay, okay. I wonder what's wrong with him. He's kept himself locked up in the den all day. Maybe he bit on a horse. No, if Mr. Benny bit on a horse and that horse lost, he beat it to death with his bare hands. Rochester, if you don't mind, I'll have my dinner served in bed. What's the matter, boss? Don't you feel good? You've been brooding all day. I haven't been brooding. What's wrong with him in the den? It's my own business. Wait a minute, boss. Huh? Have you been crying? Why, what... what makes you think I've been crying? There's a rainbow in your little blue eyes. There is? I mean, who cares? A lot you or anybody else who worries about me anyway. You're wrong, Mr. Benny. I worry about you. Oh, you do, eh? Saturday? Uh-huh. Saturday, February what? The 14th. Well, doesn't that mean anything to you? Saturday, February 4th. Oh, my goodness, I forgot to put the garbage out. Now, let's not talk anymore about it. You go in and clean the den. I'm in the kitchen and have a sandwich and a glass of garbage. I mean, milk. Okay. Well, it won't take long to straighten up the den. I'll put these books away on the shelf. Hello, hello. Well, hello, Polly. Here I am all alone. Nobody cares. Today's my birthday. Today's my birthday. Stupid. I better go out in the kitchen and fix things up right away. Excuse me, boss, excuse me. Rochester. Wait a minute, boss. Rochester, what are you doing? I'm pulling a candle on a cranker, it's Polly. He's in my room. He's usually so cheerful and... Hello, Mr. Benny's residence. Rochester, this is Miss Livingston. Oh, hello, Miss Livingston. You'll never guess whose birthday it is today. I know Rochester, and that's why I called. I want to give a surprise party. A party? Yes, do you think you can get him out of the house? Him? Certainly. Well, he sure fooled me laying an egg this morning. What are you talking about? This isn't the parrot's birthday. It's Mr. Benny's birthday. Oh, he thought everybody forgot about him. Oh, no. When I called the gang, I found out that everybody was going to give him a party. So we all decided to come over to Mr. Benny's house and surprise him. Well, bring some food with you. The time lock doesn't open the icebox till 6 in the morning. Don't worry, we have food. You just get Mr. Benny out of the house for a little while and don't let him suspect anything. Okay, Miss Livingston. And leave it to me. I'll get him out of the house and I'll be clever about it. Hmm. Gee, I feel a lot better taking this little walk, but I can't understand Rochester throwing my hat in cold out. When I went out to get him, he slammed the door. Gee, I've been walking for about 40 minutes now. I'm kind of tired. I think I'll walk across the street and get on a bus for home. Find birthday up. Gee, look at this theater marquee. Now playing. The horn blows at midnight. I guess they're reviving it again on account of the Academy Awards. I think I'll go to see it again. Rochester, we've been here four hours now. If Mr. Benny only went out for a walk, why isn't he back? I don't know, Mr. Day. Well, I've waited long enough. I've got to go home. Me too. I wonder what happened to the boss. Yeah. I beg your pardon, Mr. I'm the manager of this theater. We've shown you the horn blows at midnight three times. Now will you please go home so we can close up? Okay, okay. By the way, Mr. the girl at the box office told me that you haven't sold a ticket all week. That's quite right. Well, if that's true, how come there's someone sitting in almost every seat in this theater? We rented out as a storage room to a mortuary. A mortuary? You mean all the people in those seats are... That's amazing. I'll say it's amazing. Yesterday, right in the middle of the picture, three of them got up and walked out. Gee, I... I wondered why the guy at the door didn't tear my ticket. I better go on home. Old Dark House. What a birthday this was. Fine loyal gang I've got. I got a good notion of fire every one of them. If I hadn't eat talent, I would. Yeah, I'm tired. Well, I might as well go to bed. Now, who can that be at this time of night? Hello? Hello, is this Jack Benny? Yes. Well, this is Western Union. We have a singing telegram for you from your sister in Chicago. Oh, a singing telegram for my sister, eh? Well, that's cute. Go ahead. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Well, thank you very much. That was swell, really. And I do think that... Look, I've got to get away now. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday to you. Look, look, kid. Awfully sweet of you. Now, if you just... Well, thank you, thank you very much. You're welcome. Yes, you're welcome. Jack will be back in just a minute. But first, a word to you smokers who are looking for better taste in a cigarette. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yeah, it's the toasted. Cigarette, they take fine. Tobacco is light. Tobacco is mild. Tobacco too. And it's toasted. Yes, it's toasted because the toasting give a right through soul to get better taste Cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yeah, it's the toasted. Friends, if you read the comics, I guess you know all about Little Iodine. The fellow who draws Little Iodine is the famous cartoonist Jimmy Hatlow. He's got another comic strip, too, called They'll Do It Every Time. Well, Jimmy Hatlow's cigarette is Lucky Strike. Jimmy says, yep, I'll do it every time. Light up a Lucky because they taste better. Friends, many millions of people smoke Lucky's because they've found that Lucky's taste better, too. A Lucky taste better because it's toasted to taste better. Of course, Lucky's better taste begins with fine tobacco. Fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. And then that fine tobacco is toasted. It's toasted. The famous Lucky Strike process brings Lucky's naturally mild, good tasting tobacco with its peak of flavor, tones it up to make it taste even better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. Yes, that's why Jimmy Hatlow and millions of other smokers will do it every time. Light up a Lucky. Why don't you light up a Lucky, too? Remember, it's toasted to taste better. Gee, it's 9 a.m. Sunday morning. Gee, I hope I have a good show this afternoon. Good morning, Rochester. Ah, good morning, boss. A little more chivalry today? Yes, I feel fine. You should have come back earlier last night. Why? The whole gang came over to give a surprise party and celebrate your birthday. What? A surprise party for me? My whole gang? You mean Mary and Don and Dennis? Gee, they didn't forget me. Why, boss, that rainbow's coming back in your little blue eyes. Well, I can't help it. I'm so happy. Good night, Polk. The Jack Mini program is written by Sam Perrin, Milk Joseph Berg, George Balzer, John Tackeberry, Al Gordon, Al Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks. Filter smokers, here's the true tobacco taste you've been looking for. Filter Tip Tarleton gives you all the full, rich flavor of Tarleton's famous quality tobacco and real filtration, too. Filter Tip Tarleton incorporates activated charcoal, renowned for its unusual powers of selective filtration and used far and wide to purify the air we breathe, the water and beverages we drink. Look for the red, white, and blue stripes on the package. They identify Filter Tip Tarleton, the best in filtered smoking. 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