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Victoria's Secret New Line and States Adopt Chastity Belts!

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Published on Apr 24, 2012

NTN 121

IF TALKING FAILS, TRY LACE!

Cap News reports that Victoria's Secret will soon unveil its Panacea collection, which designers claim will save even the most desperately floundering of intimate relationships.

"Victoria's Secret understands what women are really looking for when they shop with us," says company spokeswoman. "And we're proud to finally give them what they want: a quick-fix, $26 magic bullet that will instantly solve the myriad problems and frustrations which have long plagued their unfulfilling marriages."

http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?i...
STATES TO BROADS: KEEP YOUR KNEES TOGETHER AND NO ONE GETS HURT
According to Chicagodope.com several state legislatures have passed new laws that require women above the age of puberty to wear chastity belts with the keys held by their fathers—or husbands.

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett signed the chastity belt bill into law on Monday. Other states are also requiring that any woman caught having sex or using birth control outside of marriage to either wear a scarlet letter A on their clothing or spend time in a public stockade.

The stocks would also be used for new crimes, such as any woman leaving the house without the written permission of either her husband or eldest male relative.

http://www.thechicagodope.com/2012/03...

And finally...
GUILLEN TO FANS: GUESS WHO I REALLY LIKE?
Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen is in hot water again. During a press conference in which he was forced to apologize for saying he admired Fidel Castro, Guillen raised eyebrows when he added his critics "are worse than Hitler, who was also pretty cool, but not nearly as awesome as Stalin." Guillen's suspension is likely to become indefinite.

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