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Becoming Blind: What I Will MIss Seeing

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Published on Jun 15, 2007

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Title self explanatory. What I'll miss seeing at the end of my Usher Syndrome journey.
TRANSCRIPT - thanks to Jessica Graves - xoxo

Hello, I'm Coco. Instead of doing an ABC story, I've decided to do a vlog. I have considered it, and I think tonight is a good night to respond to a blog from two or three months ago. In that blog post, I asked different readers if they had any questions for me, any questions at all, and I would post answers to them all, which I did, except for one.
The question was, "You are slowly losing your vision to Usher's Syndrome; what are some things that you will miss when you have finally gone completely blind?" What a good question! I've been thinking on it every day for a while, pondering the things I see. There are definitely things I will miss. I can imagine looking back on many things, and tonight I will finally tell you about them. This vlog is for you, Rayni and Karina.
I have such a long list of things that I will miss seeing, that I have selected just a few to share tonight. Perhaps I will post more updates to include more of the list, we'll just have to see. I look to the pages of my journal, and select from the long, long list of things I will miss when I have fully lost vision.
I imagine the dark, ominous clouds of a thunderstorm, the strikes of lightning, the way they make the dark brighter than daylight in those brief flashes of brilliant white; sunrise, the way the light comes in at daybreak; sunset, counting the streaks of color across the sky in a rainbow; red, yellow, green, blue, purple;
Sitting back on a public park bench and watching the faces of the people passing by, noticing every last detail, all the variations of haircut, bob, Mohawk, high & tight, tucked behind the ears, all the colors, red, black, yellow, pink, blue, and green, so many different hair colors; all the different get-ups, people wearing clothes from the 80s, 90s, the current fads, people dressed up like 1960s hippies; the freckles on my friend's face; one day they will all be gone from my sight.
I will have to ask my friends about the colors in the rainbow, and wait for their response, which will be short. I'll ask them about the colors, and they'll tell me that there are many of them. I will sense a commotion, and I'll ask what it is, and they'll tell me that "it's just a bunch of people passing by, that's all". I will ask what they look like, and they'll tell me that some of them are ugly, and others are pretty, but what they look like will be left to my imagination.
I wonder, will I remember eight different shades of purple? You can see them all on this scarf I'm wearing, and this shirt. Once my vision is completely gone, will I know which one they're describing when they tell me "purple"? Red, pink, black: will I remember them?
Even though I've got a very positive attitude about the progression of my blindness, and I do keep a it going even while knowing that eventually I will be completely blind. It's also very tough, and I do grieve. But would you want me to just give up, off myself? No. Life is precious. There is so much out there to experience, and you never know what the future will bring. It could be a bright one for me. It's not easy to let go of my sight. I cherish it. Of course I do, I'm deaf.
I will post more in the future about things I will miss when I'm fully blind, so look for those posts. I'm going to stop there for tonight. Wherever you are in the world tonight, I love you.

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