 This is Cecil B. DeMille in Hollywood. He didn't take much detective work to discover the stars that the Army, Navy, Marines, and Coast Guard most wanted to hear on these programs. Either one alone would make us very popular with you tonight. Together. Well, what more can I say than tonight's stars are Bob Hope and Hedy Lamar. Hedy asked me to tell you that she'd like to come in person to every place where you're listening. I said you probably wish the same. But the next best thing to a personal visit from Hedy is tonight's play, which is called The Bride Came COD. And after the play, you'll hear from both Hedy and Bob. Lux presents Hollywood. Lux Radio Theatre brings you Bob Hope and Hedy Lamar in The Bride Came COD. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Traditionally, the week between Christmas and New Year's Day is the biggest week in the whole theatrical calendar. So we're doing our best to preserve tradition by ushering out 1941 and a blaze of glory, a blaze kindled by one of the most startling casts in our history, Bob Hope and Hedy Lamar. Some time ago, we decided that The Bride Came COD had great possibilities for Bob. All that remained was the little matter of finding the right Bride. Then one day we had an inspiration. I called Bob in his dressing room at Paramount and asked him if he'd like to play opposite the lady who had just finished a picture, H.M. Pullam, a squire over at Metro Golden Mayor, Miss Hedy Lamar. There was some confusion at the other end of the phone before Bob replied. Sorry, CB, we've got a bad connection. Sounded like you said Hedy Lamar. I don't think he really believed it until Hedy walked in the door for rehearsals. But if he still thinks I'm a miracle man, perhaps this is the time to tell him what Hedy Lamar said when I asked her to be Bob's bride in this play. Her answer was, Bob Hope? Oh, I think he's wonderful. Anyway, here they are in The Bride Came COD, adapted from the Warner Brothers picture. Just take an aviator, an heiress, a kidnapping, a ghost town, an abandoned mine, mix them enthusiastically, hand the whole concoction to stars like these two, and you've got The Bride Came COD. Right there, we have the makings of a hit. Just one thing is missing, the part of the play that an audience contributes. And I assure you that is a big part. At the DeMille office in Paramount, for instance, we think we have a good picture in Reap the Wild Wind. But no matter how good we think it is, we won't be sure until you see it. That's the true test of a picture, or a product like Lux Flakes. We know that Lux is as fine a product as scientific ingenuity has devised. But you're the final judge, and your acceptance is the final test. In pictures, we call that audience reaction. The same expression will do here, too. And of course, audience reaction to Lux Flakes is, well, in a word, a Hollywood word, colossal. Now, we'll turn the stage over to The Bride Came COD, starting Hedy Lamar as Joan Roget and Bob Hope as Steve Collins. Alairis agrees to become the loving bride of an orchestra leader. That's news, and news to an orchestra leader means headlines, publicity and profits. With this rather sordid idea in mind, the orchestra leader of the Club Suzette in Hollywood has picked the most favorable time to make the wedding announcement. The club is jammed to the doors as he waves his baton and signals for a fanfare. Ladies and gentlemen, a little announcement. Ladies and gentlemen, today in this city of Hollywood, as it must to all men, happiness came to yours truly, truly, Alan Bryce. For tonight, after much pressure, I consented to become a bridegroom. The lucky lady is here now. I'll have a spotlight thrown on her so you girls can go over and scratch her eyes and see how she looks herself. Presenting Miss Joan Roget. Take a bow, Joan. Thank you, folks. Thank you. Okay, Charlie, take a baton. I'm going to be busy. Well, Joan, like the announcement? Alan, it was wonderful, but I'm getting worried. Why? My uncle, I really should have told him. What for? You'll know sooner than that. Hey, there's Tommy Keenan. Hiya, Tommy. You've heard of Tommy Keenan. Joan, newspaper man? Oh, yes. I've read your column, Mr. Keenan. Yeah, a lot of people do. What's the matter, Mr. Keenan? Are you feeling bad? I will soon. I'm on the air in 15 minutes and not one juicy either. What are you talking about? Didn't you hear my announcement? I'm in clover. The girl said yes. My troubles are over. Crown with success. I know. Hip parade, 1937. I'm sorry, Bryce, but I can't get excited. You've been engaged to three different girls in the last six weeks. All three were clients of my press agent. This one's different. Yeah. Are you Joan? I hope so. Look, Tommy, maybe you don't know who Miss Roget is. I know all about Miss Roget, niece and soul heir of Lucius K. Winfield, having reached the age of reason, is doing your best to spend the old man's money. In short, the biography of a glamour girl. Am I right, Miss Roget? You might add, and I'm having the time of my life. Yeah, but that isn't news and being engaged to Bryce isn't any... Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You know, this might be news at that. Suppose you were lope tonight, Las Vegas. Oh, no, I couldn't. Why not, Joan? Yes, sure. Why not? Think of it, flying through the night under the stars. Say, wasn't there a lyric something like that? Never mind, never mind. Listen, news is scarce tonight. Waiter, get me a phone. Joan, dear, we'll never get married again under such favorable circumstances. But my uncle's in Chicago on business. You'll hear it on my broadcast. Everybody listens to me. Well, if you really think out, we should, darling. With you by my side, dear. Neither time nor tide, dear. Shut up, operator. This is Tommy Keenan. Get me F. Lights Incorporated and quick. F. Lights Incorporated. C. Los Angeles by plane $2. A star's home's $5. Good evening. Who? Oh, well, Mr. Collins ain't here just now, Mr. Keenan. He flew over to Pomona to see a movie. Huh? A party at 3 to Las Vegas and back? Yeah, well, I'm not sure Steve can make it. Okay, Mr. Keenan, I'll tell him as soon as he gets back. Hello, hello, Steve Collins at NC 164, Colin Burbank, Steve Collins, Colin Burbank. Where back, Colin Collins? Steve Collins, Colin Burbank. Where back, Colin Steve Collins? Well, I can't think of any reason why we two shouldn't get together. Oh, shut up! Come on, Gertie, we're home. Oh, gee, Steve, it was a wonderful movie and it was wonderful riding in your plane, too. Well, it's your last one. Why, Steve? Well, I ain't going to take out any girl that I have to chase all over the wings for a kiss. You want to kiss me now, Steve? Sure. Oh, oh, Steve, where did you learn to kiss like that? Well, every morning I drink a double malted through a straw. It's awful. A swell guy like you has to have a wife and two kids. Oh, well, I was so young at the time, but I'm not sorry. They're great kids. Did I ever show you their picture? Yeah, every ten minutes. Really? Well, look, I want to show it to you right here. Look, here's the boy. He's eight. Hi, old timer. And there's the little girl, six. Hi, sweetheart. And there's my wife, Haya. Well, I guess I shouldn't be seeing you again, should I? Oh, I guess you shouldn't. You'll call for me next Tuesday at the regular time? Half an hour earlier. I'll be waiting. Goodbye, Stevie. Thanks for the buggy ride. So long, Gert. Oh, hi, old timer. Hi, sweetheart. Steve, why don't you make them my wife and kids? That reminds me, haven't you got any new pictures of your kids? I'd like to keep them up to date. Look, this one shows Junior wearing a Hoover button. Look, Steve, if you don't want to get married, why don't you be honest and tell the danger don't? Oh, no, it's much easier this way. I don't have to break any campaign promises. Well, why do you have to use my kids? Why don't you just make up two kids? Oh, Peewee, that would be lying. No, I'm making sure that no girl hooks me till I have a whole fleet of planes of my own. Yeah? Well, after 12 o'clock tonight, you won't even have one plane. Hinkle's been here when he's coming back. Hinkle? Yeah, the guy from the friendly finance company. He's going to snatch that plane of yours for back payment. You owe him $1,100. Oh, we can't let him do it, Peewee. It took me 10 years to get a plane of my own. Yeah, and it'll take him just 10 minutes to take it away. Oh, but business is booming. In a few months, I'll have enough money to redeem my mother. All I know is he's coming back here at 12 o'clock. That's a great world, isn't it? Turn on the radio, Peewee. That's some nice, sad music while I go put a slash in my throat. King-size. Yeah, it's pretty tough, Steve. Tonight, folks, it is my pleasure to announce one of the biggest scoops that has ever come out of the West. As the culmination of a whirlwind four-day courtship, the musical world's most eligible bachelor, Alan Bryce, will tonight become a Benedict. His bride will be the beautiful Joan Roget, niece of Lucius Cavenfield, Texas oil tycoon. Holy cat's eye for God. What? That's Keenan. You're supposed to fly the three in the Las Vegas tonight. The three are who? Keenan, the bride, and the groom. For what time? Well, why didn't you say so? I don't know. What about me? Oh, forget, Hankel. Maybe I can work this trip in anyhow. At least it's a couple of bucks extra. Okay. I'll call Keenan. Tell him we're ready any time. The sooner, the better. Right. Hello, hello. Air flights incorporated. Sea-loss Angeles by plane. Two dollars. Who? Chicago? Oh, put him on. Hello? Who's this? Oh, Mr. Winfield. No, your niece isn't here yet. She... Oh, wait a minute. There's somebody coming in the office now. Come on, Joan. Hurry up, Alan. Oh, hi. Exciting. Excuse me. Are you Miss Verge? Yes, I am. Or do you want it on the phone, Chicago? Oh, Alan. That must be Uncle Lucius. Well, speak to him, darling. Yeah, here. I'll tell him. No, Mr. Keenan. I'll do it. Hello. Hello, Uncle Lucius. Hello. Joan, is that you? Yes, I... Listen, I've called every airport in Los Angeles. What's the idea? Uncle Lucius, what's all this about you getting married? Oh, please try to understand. I love Alan Bryce desperately. You must be desperate. I'm not going to have a fortune-hunter in my family. Alan Bryce is not the fortune-hunter, and I'm going to marry him. You are not. I'm flying to Las Vegas right now. Goodbye. Ah, that's the girl. Is the plane ready? All right, outside. I'll be right with you. Come on, Alan. Darling, you were marvelous. I'll see she was. We were just talking to Lucius K. Winfield in Chicago. We were cut off. Get him back for me, will you? I'll wait. Steve, what are you doing? Quiet. I've got an idea. Pee-wee is the ship okay? Sure. If ankle don't get him and grab it. No. Hello, Mr. Winfield. This is Steve Collins. Oh, Steve Collins. When I'm flying your niece to Las Vegas, Mr. Winfield, how would you like me to stop that wedding? Stop it? How can you stop it? Leave that to me. I'll deliver your niece to you unmarried in Omaha by eight o'clock tomorrow morning. Take a plane and meet me there. What's your price? Well, this is a very unusual case. How much does your niece weigh? About a hundred and fifteen pounds. Well, ten dollars a pound. That's my standard charge for beef. It's a deal. I'll have the money for you. Okay. I'll bring the beef. You'll be there with a potato. See you in Omaha. Come on, Pee-wee. We've got to work fast. Good evening, Collins. Steve, it's Hinkle from the finance company. Hello, Mr. Hinkle. I'm glad to see you. You're glad to see me, why? Well, I'm going on a long trip tonight, and I'd like to have you give me back a quart of my blood. I'll take the case to your plane, Collins. Mr. Hinkle, you're in luck. I just made a deal with a big shot. I'll be back by four o'clock tomorrow afternoon with 1,100 bucks. I suppose you need the plane to go after it? That's right. I'm sorry. My conscience will be bothering me all night, but the friendly finance company wants them keyed. Oh, Hinkle, you can't take away that plane. You might as well take my right arm. If we'd loaned you money on that, we'd take that too. Give me the key to the plane. Try and get it. You don't want me to use force, do you? Yeah. Let him have it, Steve. Why, I'll show you financial rent. I'll knock your... Steve, what's the matter? Just let me know when the blackout is over. Give me the key to the plane. Come on, where is it? Right up there, Mr. Hinkle. Up where? Come on, Steve, wake up, fella. Steve, come on, Steve, wake up, wake up. Just 10 more minutes, Mom. I won't be late for school. Steve, open your eyes. Oh, what happened? Where's Hinkle? He's over there on the floor. He's out cold. Don't chill, that guy. Drag me over there and I'll hit him again. Hey, Steve, what's the matter with your eye? It looks funny. Yeah, something blue has been added. Listen, Pee-wee, I'm going out to the plane. I'll tell Keenan he's wanted in here on the phone. When he gets here, you go out and call Bryce. Get it? Okay. If Hinkle comes to, put him to sleep again. Let's go. Oh, Mr. Keenan, you wanted on the phone. Oh, who in the name of... I'll be right back, Bryce. Well, make it snappy. In the plane, Mr. J. Thank you. Hey, let go of my arm. Oh, I'm sorry. What's the matter, Joan? He pinched me. What's the idea, Collins? Well, I was just trying to guess her weight. You know, poundage is important in a plane. Bryce, well... Hey, Mr. Bryce, Mr. Keenan wanted in the office. It's important. Excuse me, Joan. I hope there's no hit. Hurry back, Ellen. Let's go, Pee-wee. Go ahead. We're not taking off. And why are you away from us? Well, that. The FHA is taking it back. Stop this plane. Stop it like a kidnapper. Well, that's my first job. You... you have any more? Not me. They call me the solo kid. Better known as the bruiser from Azusa. I suppose you're taking me to your hideout. I'm taking you to a little place hidden away from the whole world. Where's that? The Rose Bowl. Busking for me. Oh, about $1,100, more or less. $1,100 for me? Why, it's ridiculous. It's humiliating. A girl of my social standing and heiress. Why, I'm almost a national figure. Well, well, Miss Gin rummy in 1941. How much do you think you're worth? Well, at least $100,000. $100,000 for you? Who do you think you are? Eddie Lamar? Made a bargain, and I'm going to stick to it. Bargain with whom? I made a deal with your uncle. I'd deliver you to him COD in the Omaha in the morning. But why? So that you can't marry that brice guy. I don't believe it. My uncle wouldn't think of doing such a despicable thing. He didn't think of it. I did. Why, you, you... Careful. Careful. Believe what? That for me, $1,100, you'd come between two people who love each other. Well, do you think I want the money for myself? Yes. Where should we mail the encyclopedia? Honest though, I'm not thinking of myself at all. Look, see this picture? Ah, children. Are they yours? Mine? Well, I'd like to think of them as their mothers. Hi, old timer. Hi, sweetheart. Ah, that's touching. Tell me, Mr. Collins, would you like to do something big, something really beautiful for your children and wife? Oh, I sure would. It's time I did something for Clara. Well, all you'd have to do is fly me back to Los Angeles now, and I'll pay you twice what my uncle's paying you. Sounds like a good deal, but I couldn't think of it. All right, then I'll give you $3,000. $4,000. Nope, I promised your uncle. $5,000, Mr. Collins. You'd better get some sleep. We won't be in Omaha till morning. $6,000. You'll find a blanket in that rear locker. Very well, thank you. Don't mention it. Just stretch out in the floor, Miss Rouget. I'll wake you up when we get to Omaha. Good night. I said, good night, Miss Rouget. Hey, hey, what's the matter? Don't jump. Omaha's a nice place. Listen, that parachute, you've got it on the back. That parachute jumped all night. Listen, you'll kill yourself. Come here. Let me go. Let the parachute off. You want to kill us? We're falling. Get away from that door. That parachute. You should have let you jump. Well, why didn't you? Because you've got the parachute on backwards. Backwards? Yes, backwards. You can't reach the ripcord. Oh! Look what you did to my plane, and I don't even own it yet. Every time I take my hand off the steering wheel, it flies to the finance company by itself. You're going to stay. Yeah, it's this indirect lighting. It never does work right. Come on, here's your blanket. What's that for? That's your bed for tonight. You don't expect me to sleep out here, do you? Oh, it's all right with me if you want to bunk in the plane, but you'll have to sleep standing in your head. No, look, we're in the same boat. You don't have to growl at me all the time. What do you expect in a situation like this? Pear-shaped tones? Would you mind telling me where I can get some water? Water? Where are you going to find faucets in the desert? A desert? Or in the desert? One of the best, the Calvata. Bigger than Death Valley and further from civilization. Just a minute. What's that blanket doing alongside of mine? Oh, that's where I'm sleeping tonight. Oh, thank you to get a room of your own. Oh, that suits me fine. How's that? That's still too close. Just keep going till you're out of sight. Lady, you took the words right out of my mouth. So long. See you in the morning. Right here behind these goose pimples. I'll sleep here, but I warn you, I snore. Bad? Well, they don't call me Chattanooga Choo Choo Collins for nothing. That's one thin blanket isn't much use out here. No, two would be fine. You're right. Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll toss you. Heads I get your blanket, tails you get mine. No, thanks. I've seen those double-headed coins. Just as you like. Night. What is it now? I can't sleep. Why not? No pink pills. I never can get to sleep without them. Oh, too bad. Well, I didn't think I'd need them on this trip. Look, I'm sorry you can't sleep, but I can, and I will too, if you'll only stop talking. Well, you kidnapped me, and the least you can do is talk to me when I can't sleep. I think there's something about your style of conversation that may get me drowsy. That insult... That insult didn't slip by me, but a good answer did. I'll take it up in the morning. I'll take it up now. Listen, lady, I know this is a romantic setting, and I know how you feel, but please leave me alone. Don't get me wrong. All you are to me is a pink pill. What do we talk about? Well, what about your childhood? No, I was the average kid, believed in Santa Claus up to a certain age, hated school. When I was 15, I started to think about girls. At 17, I found out what they thought about me. From then on, I've been reading Esquire just to keep me posted. How about it? Am I boring you? Well, thanks. I'm getting drowsy. Go on, tell me how you met Clara. Who? Clara, your wife. Oh, my wife! Well, I met Clara at a strawberry festival. Very romantic. We both broke out together. I took her home, and we sat in the parlor. Gee, she was a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl I ever met. What a figure. What a face. She had eyes like Marlene Dietrich, hair like Veronica Lake, and nose like Madeleine Carroll, a chin like Mary Nalloy, and lips like Claudette Colbert. Well, we sat there a while, and I kissed her, and she kissed me, and then I kissed her, and she kissed me. Hey! What? No, I can't sleep. Mr. Mill returns with Hedy Lamar and Bob Hope in just a moment for Act Two of the Bridecame COD. And now, Libby Collins with some fashion news. Thank you, Mr. Roy. One new idea cropping up in the stores nowadays is black lingerie. It's interesting for a change, and of course it luxes just as easily as the white and pastel tones do. You can have a whole lingerie wardrobe of black, undies, nighties, everything. And here's a hint that's timely. Nowadays it's a real duty to take the best care of everything we have. So remember that luxe is an undie saver. A quick little luxe sudding every day not only makes us sure we don't offend, it also keeps lingerie like new much longer. That is a timely hint, Libby, and a true one. Perspiration does two things. It makes us offend, it weakens delicate fabrics. They wear out faster. It's foolish to risk these when new quick luxe flakes remove perspiration and soil so quickly. And so safely, there's no harmful alkali and new quick luxe to injure fabrics or fade colors. And with these rich, fast-working suds, there's no rubbing. And just notice how much that generous big box will do. Yes, new quick luxe is thrifty. Now, our producer, Mr. DeMille, act two of the bright-came COD, starring Bob Hope as Steve Collins and Hedy Lamar as Joan Roget. Joan Roget kidnapped, socialite abducted. A thrilling drama was enacted last night with Joan Roget. Bound for Las Vegas to wed Alan Bryce was kidnapped by Steve Collins, Los Angeles pilot and flying instructor. All state police were warned to be on the lookout. Besides the kidnapping charge, Collins is also wanted for stealing an airplane from the friendly finance company. It's dawn of the following day. The first rays of the sun transform the Great Calvada Desert into a fairyland of purple and gold. Beside the disabled plane, Steve Collins and Joan Roget stand spellbound. Held breathless by the majesty and beauty of the scene, Joan breaks the long silence. I've got a pain in my stomach. Must be something you didn't eat. I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. Look, what's that over there? If it's a horse, I take it back. It's a lot of buildings. It's a town. Oh, it can't be. It must be a mirage. It is not. You knew that town was there all the time and you deliberately kept me out here all night. Oh, don't be silly. Why would I want to keep you out all night? Guess now I'm being silly. I'm going over and find the sheriff. Well, I'll go with you. Yes, come along, please. I think you can do a lot to brighten up a feather. I'd walk to the hab in this town. All they need is a few people to walk on. I don't see a soul. It isn't much of a town, is it? No, it isn't even much of a ghost town. Is that what it is? Certainly. Look at those houses. It all fall down if the spider webs didn't hold them up for the termites. I imagine the last time any living things set foot here was about 1900. Gosh, a ghost and laying an egg, too. There must be somebody here. Where there's a rooster, there's people. You mean where there's a rooster, there's chickens? Hello, folks. There, you see? Hello, mister. Step right in here, folks. Welcome to the palace hotel. Oh, thanks. I'm Steve Collins and this is Miss Joan Roget. Pleased to meet you. My name's Pop Tolliver. What do you have with your egg? Ham or bacon? Bacon, please. Ham for me. You'll take bacon, too. I don't feel like cutting into new ham. Say, that's quite a pantry you've got down there. Find a cold cellar in the world. It's an old mine tunnel. A mile of the tunnel is run right under this floor. What town is this, please? Bonanza used to be called after the old bonanza miner. How do you want your eggs? Up or over? Pop, my stomach will turn them over. Over. You'll take yours up, too. I don't want no confusion. Same. Well, have a seat. Tell me something. Have you been here ever since the town folded up? Sure have. Mine's closed down. Everybody's scheduled about 1910. I owned a hotel, so I stayed, waiting for another boom. Well, I didn't think I'd find a Republican way out here. How far is it to the nearest town? 90 miles to Las Vegas and 60 to Tonobah. And how often do you drive to town? I don't. Bella brings my grub up once a month, but he ain't due for a couple of weeks. You two heading for Las Vegas to get married? Certainly not. Oh, darling, let's tell the truth. We had a quarrel, Pop. A lover's quarrel. We did not. Now's the time to have them spanced before you were married. Took me three wives to learn that. Listen, Pop. Listen, Pop. I want to tell you something about this man. Oh, not now, darling. Don't bother strangers without little troubles. Let's just kiss and make up. Let me alone. Oh, come on, Lambie Pie. Give Stephenkins a nice little s-y kissy. That's the way the Eskimos kiss. Well, if you'll excuse me, Pop, I'll run out and see if I can fix up my plane. Pop, don't let him go. He ain't going. Sit down, son. I'm sorry, Pop, but sit down, son, or I'll fill you full of lead. What are you talking? Hey, don't point that gun at me. What is this? I happen to have a radio set, son, and it happened to say last night that Miss Roger was kidnapped. And he's the kidnapper, Pop. I guessed that when he come in. Got a criminal face, that man. Just a minute. Don't look at my nose when you say that. Let's go, son. Go where? I'm putting you in the lock up. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going out and working on that plane. My trigger finger's ancient, son. Oh, you can't scare me. You haven't got the nerve to shoot me. Stay away from that door, son. Listen, nobody tells Steve Collins what to do. But in your case, I'll make an exception. Next time, son, I won't miss. I'll get along with that lock up. Old fashioned now, I guess. Well, sit down, Miss Roger. Dinner's ready. Oh, Pop, do you suppose that plane that passed over here today saw us? You've been asking me that all afternoon. I don't know. Here. Here's something special for you. What is it? Forty-five-year-old sharing. Last time I opened it was in 1919, when I drank a toast to prohibition. Thanks. Ladies and gentlemen, Joan Roget, oil heiress, is alive and safe, in a nameless ghost town on the Calabatta Desert. Less than two hours ago, the girl was sighted by an airliner, when the girl flashed a distress signal skyward with a mirror. Oh, Miss Roget! A wreck plane was also sighted. How are we thinking of that mirror? Miss Roget was first believed to have been kidnapped, but later it was learned that our wealthy uncle had authorized her abduction in order to prevent her elopement to Alan Bryce, who... What's the matter? Why did you turn it off, Pop? Kidnapped, huh? Give me that sherry. I'm going to pour it back in the bottle. What for? Then I'm going to let that filler out of the whoosh cow. No, Pop, you see, he's a criminal type. You said so yourself. There, he's getting out. Come on, open up. Open the door. What do you want? Well, the plane's all fixed. Are you ready? Ready for what? To go with me. I'm not going anyplace with you. Oh, yes, Shar. Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, I see your point. You want me to drag you by the hair. Is that it? You tried, brother, and you'll have a fight on your hand. Okay, I never lost a decision to a woman yet. Come on. Ow! I'll show you. Thanks, Pop, for these steel-ripped girdles. Here, the dust is choking me. Get out of here. That's fine, except that you've blocked up the entrance. What? The entrance. The entrance is the mine. It is blocked up. Those have any exits? And if they haven't? And we might as well each marry a gopher and settle down. Look at this next tunnel. I made a bet with myself that you'd be boo-hooing into your hanky within three hours. Oh, stop it. It must have been up against this sort of thing before. There must have been some crisis at the store club when the waiter brought you the wrong wine or something. I think our future is worth talking about. Well, isn't there anything we can do? You have longer nails than I have. Start digging. I told you, I'm going to explore this tunnel. Don't be long. Sit tight. I'll be back as soon as I can. Around the hole in the ground. Every five steps, I smack my head up against the post. One, two, three, four. What's that? A light? Hey, who's there? Who's there? This is Steve Collins. Hi there, Steve. This is Pop. Oh, keep that light on. It's right there. Wait, are there any more posts down here? I don't think so. Good. Here I come, Pop. I found it. Hi there, son. How'd you get down here, Pop? Oh, easy. That door over there leads right into my pantry. Well, lead me to that door. I'm starving. What happened to you? Oh, Kaven, back in the entrance. Where's the girl? She's still there. She thinks we're trapped. Maybe you better go get her while I wrestle up something to eat. Oh, better wait a few minutes. It'll be good for her. Ah, food. Help yourself, son. There's a whole ham there. Make yourself a sandwich. Oh, thanks, Pop. You'll find the mustard and pickles on the shelf. Mustard and pickles? Hey, what's that? Sounds like an airplane. I'll take a look out of the window. Let me see, Pop. Yeah, that's a Los Angeles Sheriff's plane. I've seen it around the airport. What's the Sheriff want here? Probably after me for stealing my own ship. Well, I guess this is the finish. See, what kind of a deal did you make with old man Winfield? Well, I was to deliver Joan to him unmarried. Well, then, my boy, you're not licked yet. All you got to do is go back and keep her in the mine. It's a sense your uncle will come hot-footed here. When he gets here, I'll let you know when you can hand her over and collect the money. Pop, you're a genius. Here. Use to get Adel back with some of these ham. Oh, wait, I can't do that. If I bring food, she'll know I found a way out. That's right. Quick, Pop, fix me up a couple of sandwiches. I can eat them on the way back to her. There's no use both of us starving. Gee, I'm a rat. Pop, make that four sandwiches. I may as well be a fat rat. Are you sure there was no way out of that tunnel? That's right, Mr. Roget. I explored every inch of it. The only thing I found was a pile of bones and a note that said, Goodbye. Tell the good humor company I did my best. What are we going to do? Well, I guess we just have to sit here and pass the time of day until they dig us out. You needn't pretend. I know, child. I know as well as you do that nobody will dig us out, because nobody knows we're here. Did Stanley know where Livingston was? You're still making bad jokes. It's kind of you two. Shield me from the truth, but it isn't necessary. Believe me, I'm not shielding you. I've always wondered what it would be like to face death. Now I know. We're both going to die of starvation. Yeah. Say, what odds will you give me I last longer than you? Don't joke, please. Okay, well, I guess I'll take a nap. Good night. Good night. What was that? Oh, sorry. You hiccuped. Oh, is that what it was? Oh, I was dreaming I was eating a big steak dinner and I started chewing too fast. I wish I could dream up a steak dinner. Say, what's that little pickle in your dream? Huh? Come to think of it, yes. I can easily smell that pickle. Well, I can explain that I'm wearing a herringbone suit. What's the whole life passing in front of your eyes? No. Why? Don't you know? At a time like this, it's a question. My life is passing in front of my eyes right now, and it's not a very pretty picture. Such a wasted life. Who mourned for me outside of my uncle? How about this Bryce fellow? Oh, I'm not so sure about him. After all, I've only known him four days. Four days? What were you going to marry him for, just to fill out the week? You see, that was the sort of life I led. Silly, useless, impulsive. It's different with you. Well, why is it different with me? I've got nothing in life, just a plane that doesn't even belong to me. Well, what about your wife and two children? Don't they count? Oh, certainly. Hi, old timer. Hi, sweetheart. Hi, I'm Mabel. Who's Mabel? Mabel, my wife. I thought you said her name was Kara. Oh, which wife did you mean, if my first or second? You see, Mabel was my first and mother of my children. Oh, you've had two wives? Have you had any children by your second wife? Sure, two. I didn't want to show any favor to them. I know her two wives and four children. I hardly believe it myself. Gosh, I'm hungry. So am I. Oh, excuse me. Did you hiccup again? Yes, it's just a hangover from that dream. Mr. Collins, would you shake hands with me? Well, what for? Well, at a time like this, it's wrong to harbour grudges or ill-feeling. I want you to know that I forgive you for everything. Oh, thank you. I'm sorry I brought you to this. And at a time like this, it's wrong to withhold the truth. I'm sorry we got our schedules mixed. I'm sorry I didn't meet you before, Kara and Mabel. Well, I'm sorry I didn't meet you before, Alan Bryce. Say, you mind if I get a little closer to you? It's getting cold. I was just going to ask if I could. But, Joan, Joan, listen, suppose I were to tell you that I'm not... That I haven't... What, Steve? Joan, I'm not married. I have no wives. I haven't any children. Oh, it's just a tactic I've been using on women to keep from getting involved. Oh, Steve! Well, I'm glad I used it because now I'm free and ripe and ready to be involved. Involve me, honey. You're a chief and violent deceitful liar. Will you kiss me, Steve? Oh, Joan. Steve? Kiss me again. Wait a minute, so my ears stop flapping. Okay, here we go. You liar. What's the matter? Mustard. Mustard? You've been eating. No, that's not mustard. It's just the kind of lipstick I use. You know all the way out and it's down that last tunnel. Oh, Joan, listen. Take me out of here. Then I'll find a way out myself. Oh, Joan, come back here. The tunnel's full of posts. Joan, all right then, I'll come after you. One, two, three, four, five, four, five. Identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. After a brief intermission, Mr. DeMille and Hedy Lamar and Bob Hope will return for Act 3 of the Pride Game COD. And now, will you listen a moment and count while you hear? Seven times. Did you count the chimes? Well, that is meant to impress on the women of our audience this fact. Your job of washing dishes is apt to take seven long hours every single week. Seven hours when your hands are in soap and water. Now, isn't it pretty important just what kind of soap you use? You've heard of our famous dishpan hands tests. They've proved how red and rough some soaps make your hands. They've proved too that with new quick lucks, hands stay soft, smooth and lovely. Well, you can easily prove this for yourself and very economically too. Just get a big box of lucks flakes tomorrow and try it for washing dishes. It makes more suds ounce for ounce even in hard water than any of ten other well-known soaps. More suds and it's suds that count. Rich, pure suds that clean in a flash without harmful alkali to roughen and redden your hands. I don't know of a more thrifty way to keep your hands soft and charming. Begin tomorrow using new quick lucks flakes for dishes. It comes in the same familiar package, costs you no more. Now, Mr. DeMille returns to the microphone. The curtain rises on the third act of the Bridecame COD. A few hours later, Steve has been dug out of the tunnel and is safe and sound in the Palace Hotel. Now the old ghost town is beginning to be reborn. Al Brice and the keyhole reporter, Keenan, have arrived on the scene, bringing with them a flock of newspaper men and a justice of the peace. For the first time in 30 years, the Palace Hotel is doing a brisk business. Now, wait, boys, wait, quiet! You all get your story. And you can say you got it straight from Tommy Keenan. Alan, Brice and Joan Rogier are going to be married right here in Bonanza and right now. How about it, Alan? You can quote me as saying, I have found my love again. The sky's a blue above a gate. How about it, Joan? The sooner the better. Wait a minute. You can't marry this man. You've only known him four days. I guess you can do his way yourself and find out what the back of the card says. You keep out of this, Mr. Collins? Let's get on with the wedding. We've got plenty of witnesses. Yes, before Uncle gets here, let's get married. No, listen, this girl has just been through one horrible experience. She's in no mood for another. He's right. I won't get married here. What? Why? I can't stand this place a minute longer. There's too many unpleasant memories for me. Darling, we brought the justice all the way from Las Vegas. Oh, let her make up her own mind. It is made up. We're flying to Las Vegas right now and getting married there. I'll get my things ready. You can't do that either. Listen, you shouldn't marry an orcus for leader. Don't forget the hand of rocks the cradle shouldn't do it in boogie-woogie rhythm. Joan, dear, I brought the justice all the way from Las Vegas. Hey, is your name, Chief Collins? Well, always has been. What do you want? I'm Sheriff McGee from Los Angeles. You're under arrest, Collins. You'll slip on these handcuffs per side. Hold on, Sheriff. Have you got a warrant for this man's arrest? I sure have. Read it in wheat, brother. I'll leave him without my glasses. I can tell you can't arrest him with this. And why not? Because it's a California warrant and we're in the state of Nevada. Nevada? Is that outside the Los Angeles city limits? What are you trying to do? Make me out of dope? Why didn't you tell me that before? I don't recall your asking me. But I'm sending to Las Vegas for a deputy. We'll get you yet, brother. Hey, fellas, I just heard a flash on the radio. Old Man Windfield left Las Vegas half an hour ago. That means you'll be here any minute. Well, love is a wonderful thing, isn't it, Pop? I'm just quoting, of course. Too bad. See, if something was to keep Joan and Bryce from leaving here and Old Man Windfield shows up, you'd still collect 1,100 bucks, right? Right. And if you had that dough, you could square this larceny wrap, right? Sure. That's right. You got an idea, Pop? No. Hey, what's this pillow here? Souvenir pillow. I used to sell them in the old days. But it says Bonanza California. Well, that's right. It is California. Oh, but it can't be California. I haven't seen any slack yet. Anyway, you told the sheriff it was Nevada. Now, Steve, you wouldn't want to get pinched, would you? Say, wait, that justice they brought. Where's he from? Los Vegas. Los Vegas, Nevada? Sure. And he doesn't know it's California either. Pop, I think I've got a brilliant idea, and I'd like to know what it's doing in my head. You all ready, dear? Yes, Alan. Well, the plane's waiting. Let's go, darling. All right, boys. We're leaving. Wait a second. Can I speak to you a minute, Bryce? What do you want now? Well, I just want to congratulate you. That's all. You're getting awfully friendly all of a sudden. I smell a rat, and I think it's you. Well, look, I admit I tried to bust up your wedding, and I'm sorry. I was a cat. Right now, I want to see you two married. I want to see you two married more than anything else. Even more than I want to see Dick Tracy catch the mole. I really do. No hard feelings, are there? Congratulations. No, of course not. Thanks a lot. Well, thank you for saving me from making a fool of myself. From doing something I would have regretted all my life. Hey, Mr. Jay, I wanted to soft back there in the tunnel, but out here in the cold, clear light, I realize that you too deserve each other. I want to regret it is that I can't be a Las Vegas with you for the ceremony. Sure, I'd like to have you there. To be your best man, it would be a privilege. Oh, what a story. The man who abducts the girl turns out to be the best man at her wedding. Joan, why don't you get married here? I won't hear of it. But Joan, keep me keen and leave Mrs. Rajay alone. Maybe she can't bear to have me at the wedding. Maybe she doesn't trust herself. What do you mean I don't trust myself? Well, you know better than I do what I mean. You mean I'm afraid to have you at my wedding? Well, of all the conceited, insufferable, me afraid. Well, I'll get married here, anywhere, anytime. Oh, I'm sorry. That's your attitude. Then you'll get married here, Joan? I will, right now. Let's have a minute. Ah, a wedding. Say, I love a good wedding, don't you, Pop? I loved him so much, he got married three times. Is that so? You've been showing me the scars sometimes. Congratulations again, Bryce. I'll kiss the bride immediately after the ceremony. Is there going to be a wedding after all, may I ask? Well, well, and who left it a rock? Who is this we have here? I'm Judge Sobler from Las Vegas. I'm going to marry the couple. Well, there couldn't have been a better choice. No, thank you. Sobler, I seem to know you. Didn't I meet you under a pinball machine in Las Vegas? Oh, I'm afraid not. Sobler, Sobler, very familiar. Tell me, have you any relatives in Scranton? Scranton, let me see. What is this? Are you trying to stall or something? Come on, come on, let's go on with the wedding by all means. Oh, wait, wait, we've got to have flowers. Pop, I'd like to see a few flowers here. Well, we have cactus all year round. Oh, really? The bride wore cactus and gave her husband a needle. That'll be nice. Listen, are you trying to make a farce out of my wedding? Well, I'm only trying to see that you get married in the style you should be married in. Come on, come on, stop the wedding. Okay. What do you say, Judge Sobler? No, I don't believe I have. Have what? Relatives in Scranton. What may I say to the lawyer? Oh, for the love of, let's get on with it. Oh, certainly, certainly. Now, Judge Sobler, will you stand right here, please? Here? No, over there. I think you look better catty corner. Now, Bryce, right here, please, before the judge, and you, Miss Roget, I'll just steer you over here to Allen's side. Say, what is this, anyway? Well, I'm sorry, it must be force of habit. I used to work in a parking lot. Hey, who's going to give the bride a week? I will. I don't want you to do anything for me. Well, I'm not doing it for you. I do it for any girl who's getting married. That's how I feel about marriage. I know how you feel about marriage. You with your two wives and four kids. Now, please, don't start digging up my past. You haven't got a big enough shovel. Who asked you to be master of ceremonies at my wedding? Never mind all this. Well, I tried to prevent the wedding, so I'm only trying to make up now. Listen, nobody asked you to prevent it, and nobody's asking you to un-prevent it. You're so anxious to get me married. I'll get married, all right? I'll get good and married, and what's more, I'll stay married. Shhh, if you can't show any respect for me, try to show a little for Judge Sopin. You can't tell me how to behave. I wouldn't listen to you if you were the last man I... Judge, will you please get going? I can't find my book. Now, there it is, right next to your racing form. Hey, look! That's Winfield's plane coming in. Old man Winfield. Oh, Judge, hurry up with the ceremony. They've got to be married before he gets here. I'm afraid I'll have to recite the ceremony from memory. My wife packed the wrong book. As long as it's legal, go ahead. Let me see now. Is this woman to be your lawful, wedded wife? I do. Oops, pardon me, wishful thinking. I do. Do you, Joe Noroje, take this man to be your lawful, wedded husband? I do. Then, according to the laws of Nevada, an authority vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Oh, Pilot. Here I am, Mrs. Rice. Will you get the plane ready, please? My husband and I want to fly back to Los Angeles immediately. All set, Mrs. Rice. Wait, we'd better get something for those seats. They're pretty hard. Oh, Pilot, grab those pillows over there. Hello, yes, sir. Oh, listen, why leave? This is such a romantic spot. Why not spend your honeymoon here, just the three of us? Oh, get out of my way. Oh, but you can't go now. Your uncle will be here any minute. Oh, he can be just as mad in Los Angeles as he can here. And you're really set on going? I certainly am. Oh, but you just got married. Do you think it's polite to run away this way? The least you can do is wait till your ring turns green. Alan, I think I may have to ask you to knock this man down. We've had enough of this business, Collins. Now cut it out. You might as well tell him, Steve. Well, listen, you two can't go to Los Angeles or any other place together. You're not married. We're not what? Oh, pay no attention to him, Alan. It's just another trick. Well, tell him, Pop, what state has been Anne's in? California. The ceremony wasn't legal. Sorry, dead sober. No, and not at all. This is ridiculous. You have to think of something better than that, Mr. Collins. Joan, on my word of honor. The list said about you, a word of honor, the better. Well, why do you think I was willing for you to get married? Why do you think I practically pushed you into getting married? Because I knew it wouldn't be legal. There wouldn't mean anything. Well, we're going to make it mean something. I was just stalling till your uncle got here. Alan, dear, I think after we get settled down, you better give up the music business. Uncle could use you in oil. Yes, uncle will probably boil you in oil. My career, Joan, after all I've done for music. Well, don't worry. They can always get someone else to tune up Gene Autry's guitar. Between you and me, Bryce, isn't marriage silly? Between you and him, it would be. Between him and me, I think it's wonderful. Goodbye, Mr. Collins. Oh, no, don't go, Joan. Just a minute, Collins. You say this is California? Certainly, their marriage isn't legal. Maybe, but this warrant is. You're under arrest. I'm just as happy as you are, but... I happen to have a tighter grip on myself. Oh, take your hands off me. There was a lyric once. If you throw any more lyrics at me, I'll cram them. I love my songs. I hate your songs. Hate me? How is that possible? You want to know something? I've hated you from the first moment I've set eyes on you. What do you certainly took your time telling me? Darling, let's be sensible. After all, we're married. I know it. That's why I hate you. That's why I hate everybody. Over here, darling. Rest your head on this bill. It'll be more complicated. Take them! Mind the Los Angeles on their honeymoon. Honeymoon? You mean to say they're married? Don't get excited. We're married in California territory by Nevada justice. It isn't legal. Well, as long as they're not married. It's right, Joan. I wouldn't want you to rush into a thing like this. You've got to be sure. Take your time and think. Take 10 or 20 seconds. If that's the way you feel, there's nothing in the world can stop us. We'll be married right now. Don't forget you're under arrest, Collins. We'll be married right now in the Los Angeles night court. I'll give you a hug and a joke. If he wants his money, and Uncle Lucia owes you $10 a pound. That's right. If you weigh 110 pounds, I break even. How much do you weigh? 111. Well, that takes care of the sales tax. Pay the man off, Uncle Lucia. Very well. I'll work hard. In a year, we'll have our own car. In two years, we'll make it the tires. Now, here's an astonishing fact that I've learned about those nylon stockings you probably got for Christmas. The yarn used in making sheer 30-den-year nylon stockings. Yarn so fine that it makes a hair look heavy in course. It's actually made up of 10 tiny filaments twisted together. And listen to this. A pound of it, if unwound, would measure about 86 miles long. Think of it. Yarn so delicate that 86 miles of it weighs only a pound. Well, you can see how every inch must be perfect and strong, free from weak places if stockings are to wear. And you can see how important it is to treat those precious nylons gently. Wash them in mild suds. Never rub them with cake soap. Never use soaps with harmful alkali. Here's what a recent issue of a bulletin called Defense published by the government reported. We quote, Soap with free alkali, rots, fibers, fades colors. End of quotation. New quick-lux flakes have no harmful alkali and they float away perspiration and soil without the dangerous rubbing that's apt to weaken the threads. So, when you hear the Lux Radio Theater say, Lux stockings every night, you know it's expert advice. And it's thrifty advice, too, for it keeps your precious stockings new-looking longer. Now more than ever, don't trust a luck. Trust to Lux. Now, here's Mr. DeMille with our stars. A producer's heaven must be filled with players like Harry Lamar and Bob Hope. Step up to the footlights, please. Oh, thank you, CB. And if we ever get to heaven, we'll make sure and always wash our wings in Lux. Eddie, would you like to go out with me New Year's Eve? No, I'd love to, Bob. What have you passes for? Are you insinuating I'm not generous with my money? Well, you didn't tip that usher when he went out to get ice cream. Well, I was a little short and I didn't want to break a defense bond. No, no, so see your banker or post office for defense bonds tomorrow. Thank you, Bob, for that opportunity. Oh, pleasure, CB. Gee, just think, now I can go back to my program and tell him I made love to Eddie Lamar. I'd rather be down at Metro Golden Mayor and hear Eddie tell about it. Did you really enjoy making love to me, Bob? Yeah, now take me off the chain, CB. It's the first time I ever hugged a girl and had my suit steamed and pressed at the same time. I'll let you in on a secret, Bob. Enough. Eddie could have had Clark Gable as her leading man here tonight, but she insisted on you. Why, Eddie, you could have had Clark Gable and you insisted on me, why? Well, these days everybody's making sacrifices, so I want to... I don't like to draw comparisons, Eddie, but you played opposite Robert Taylor. How do I compare with him as a romantic star? How do I compare with Clark Gable? How about Charles Boyet? Why don't you answer? I must be a better lover than some actor. I know, Bob, but I can't make up my mind whether it's Abel or Costello. Next week, Mr. DeMille. One of the finest love stories the theatre has ever given us, Eddie. It's Smiling Through. And our stars will be Jeanette MacDonald, Brianna Hearn and Jean Raymond. Smiling Through is a great hit on Broadway. And on three different occasions, it's been a hit-motion picture. Our production next Monday night is adapted from the new Metro Golden Mayor technical picture. And we'll have the same stars that you saw on the screen in this vital emotional drama. Oh, that sounds really swell, Savy. I'm going to listen to it myself if I'm not too busy working. You know, I have to make a living. But, Bob, I thought you only worked on the daytime on Louisiana Purchase. That's right, but I'm also on the night shift at Lockheed. Good night. This week provides the exit queue for 1941. It's been a year of uncertainty and doubt, but now all that is swept aside. We face the new year resolved upon a brave new world to come. A world where freedom and justice will never again be threatened by tyranny. But we know that it will not come by wishing. We've got to fight for it. So on behalf of our sponsors and our staff, I wish for every one of you the opportunity to work and to fight to make this the happiest new year since the birth of this nation. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, joined me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night. When the Lux Radio Theatre presents Jeanette McDonald, Brian Ahern and Jean Raymond in Smiling Through. Mrs. Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood and wishing you a happy and triumphant new year. The Lux Radio Theatre has been selected again this year as the leading dramatic program on the air in the annual poll conducted by Motion Picture Daily. All the radio editors throughout the country participated in this poll, and to all of them we say thank you. Bob Hope appeared tonight through the courtesy of the pepsidon company and is now seen on the screen in the paramount technical picture Louisiana Purchase. Eddie Lamar appeared through the courtesy of Metro-Goldman Mayor. Tune in next Monday night to hear Jeanette McDonald, Brian Ahern and Jean Raymond in Smiling Through. Our music was directed by Louis Silvers and your announcer has been Melville Roy. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.