 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeves! Yeeeaaah! Cheese Company, who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night, present each week at this time, Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve, written by John Wheat. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. Of course when it comes to food, flavor is mighty important. Yes, flavor is what tempts the appetite, makes you want to eat all you need. But important as good flavor is, good nourishment is even more essential. So you want to be on the lookout for foods that fill both these requirements. Yes, and do it with economy too. One such food certainly is wholesome parquet margarine. The delicious nourishing spread for bread made by craft. Parquet's flavor is something pretty special. Thousands of discriminating homemakers agree it's the margarine that tastes so good. And in addition, parquet margarine is wonderfully nutritious. It's one of the best energy food you can serve. And every single pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So for flavor your family will go for, and for nourishment they need, serve them delicious, economical parquet margarine every day. Yes, when you go to your food store, make it a point to remember parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by craft. Now let's join our friend the Great Gilder Sleeve, who has just put in a full week down at the water department and comes home ready for a weekend of well-earned rest and relaxation. Will he get it? Stay tuned to this station. Go at the office. Go? All right, I guess. Here, take this chair, or I'm few must be tired. No, no, sit still, sit still. Oh, I don't need it. I was just doing a little studying. Studying in the afternoon? I was just trying to get a little ahead. Yeah, yeah. The evening paper's right for your chair there. Can I get your slippers, Uncle Mort? This isn't Father's Day, is it? By the way, when I came up the walk here, I almost fell over the rake. I don't suppose you have any idea how it got there. Oh, gosh, Uncle, I'm sorry. That was careless of me. I must have left it there when I was raking the leaves. Raking the leaves? Did you rake the leaves? I don't recall having said anything about raking leaves. No, you didn't, but I could see they were piling up, and I knew you'd be tired when you got home. Uh, by the way, Uncle, when you get time... Yes? I got my report card today. There's no hurry! I'll just leave it on the metal here. No, give it here. I don't have to get a sign till Monday. Give it here! Okay, here it is. Wait a minute, Leroy! Grammar, geography, department... LEROY! I was calling Leroy, my dear. Anything I can do? Yes, tell me what on earth to do about Leroy. What do you mean? I just got his report card. How did he come out? Foref. Look at that darn thing. I don't know, Marjorie. He won't study. He gets into trouble. Maybe I ought to send him away to military school. Oh, no. Well, he needs somebody to make him toe the line. You know what I think he needs, Uncle Moore? What? I think he needs you. What do you mean? Well, I think he needs the understanding and companionship of an older person whom he respects. That's not me. Of course it is. He has a funny way of showing it, then. Every time I say anything serious to him, all I get is, are you kidding? Oh, well, you know he doesn't mean anything by that. He just has a chip on his shoulder because he always feels he's in the doghouse. Well, he usually is. I know, but see it. When you were Leroy's age, didn't you ever bring home a bad report card? Oh, brother. You're right, my dear. I guess I haven't been fair to the boy. I was thinking just the other day ought to try and spend more time with him and pal around with him more. I think it'd be wonderful for him if you did. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to start in right now, and I'm going to devote the whole weekend to him. I'll make a pal out of Leroy if it kills me. He's hiding. That's what he's doing. Wait till I catch that kid. You were going to make a pal out of him now, remember? I can't make a pal out of him until I get a hold of him, can I? Leroy? Come in here and sit down, young man. I'd like to have a talk with you. Come in and sit down. Will you, Leroy? I'd like to have a talk with you. Uncle Mark would like to have a talk with you. Yes, sit down, my boy. It's not my fault. The teacher doesn't like me. Let's not forget about that report card, shall we, Leroy? Huh? I mean, after all, a lot of us get bad report cards. Let's just let bygones be bygones. Are you kidding? Leroy! No, he started it. Let's not use that expression anymore, shall we, Leroy? Let's find another one. I'll care. Leroy, I've been thinking. You know you and I ought to get to know each other better. I mean, break down and be pals. What do you say? Okay, by me, hunk. Yes. I wonder if we couldn't find a better word than okay, too, huh? Shall we try? Okay. Let it go, let it go. Yes. I think we ought to try to do more things together. You and I, Leroy, you know, go off by ourselves and get away from some of these women around here. Oh, all right. I'll leave, Uncle Mark. Come here a minute, my boy. Sit down here beside me. I'll sit over here. All right, anyway. You know, Leroy, I... I'd like you to think of me as a human being. Well, I try too, hunk. Yes, I... I think the first time I ever realized my father was human was one time when he took me duck shooting. That's why I thought you and I ought to go on some sort of a little expedition. You mean we're going duck shooting, hunk? Well, no, but I thought we might go to the museum of the Historical Society. Have you ever been there? No. Have you? Well, they tell me it's very interesting. Lots of, well, you know, historical stuff. What do you say? Couldn't we go duck shooting? Would you rather go duck shooting than go to the museum? Are you kidding? Oh, sorry, hunk. That's all right. As a matter of fact, Floyd, down at the barbershop, was telling me he goes duck shooting out of Skinner's pot. I bet there's a million ducks there. Floyd's got a blind there. Well, it would mean getting up awfully early, Leroy. Four o'clock in the morning. I don't care. I'll get up at two. You get up at two and you're going to go alone. Okay, four o'clock. How about it? Can we go? If you'd like to. And if Floyd lends his dog. You're spoiled. I've decided this is going to be your weekend, Leroy. Anything you want to do, we'll do. Oh, boy, you're super, hunk. I'll tell you what, we'll go duck shooting in the morning. When we get back, we'll play touch football with a gang. After that, we'll go out to the zoo and there's a carnival only about two blocks from there. I don't know. Maybe we'll go to the movies and the basketball game. Are you kidding? Yes, yes. What is it now, Leroy? Why do they call this thing we're sitting at a blind? Because only a blind fool would get up at four o'clock in the morning to sit in the morning. Hold the dog, Leroy. Stop licking my face, Senator. Leroy, hold on to him. You're the custodian of the dog, you know. Okay, when do I get to shoot? Shoot? Later. What ducks? Any of them come over, remember what I told you? They ought to be here any minute. We've been waiting for two hours. Two hours is nothing in the life of a duck, young man. They don't come over on schedule, you know. They usually come over about dawn. It's so cloudy, I don't know how we're going to know when dawn is here. Oh, easy. You just wet a finger and hold it out. Uncle Mort, you couldn't pass the test for a cub scout. Yeah, yeah. Joke, Leroy, joke. Oh, hey, you know what? It's beginning to rain. You don't have to be so happy about it. Oh, cheer up, Uncle. It's wonderful weather for ducks. Yes. My hands are cold, my ears are cold, my feet are wet, and so is my cigar. Yeah, that's duck shooting. Pass me that thermos of cocoa, will you? Sorry, Uncle, we've drunk it all. Oh, well, I guess there's nothing to do then, but sit here and wait for death. Look, Uncle. Look at Senator, he's sniffing the air. Just trying to find out which way the wind blows. That's a senator for you. No, look, he's sniffing it up. I think he smells something. He's pointing. Leroy, that's a very fine dog. I wonder what he sees. Oh, he can sense him long before he sees him. Now get ready and watch the way I do this. When do I get to shoot, Uncle? Later. Remember, you always get him on the rise and always shoot a little head up. So they run into the bullets? That's the idea. How do you train them to do that? Leroy, quiet. Ready, there is duck. Well, I don't see it. No, I mean duck down so I can eat. Oh, what are you aiming at? Oh, there, it looks just like a speck now, but it's coming this way. Isn't it, Senator? Yeah. I'm certainly glad you told me. Boy, if you'd taken a shot at him, he'd come right down here. I just did that to show you, my boy. Well, he might as well relax again, I guess. Come on, Senator, relax, boy. What are you still pointing? Probably frozen stiff. No. I think he's pointing at the decoys. Huh? Hey, um, could I take a shot at one of them? At the decoys? You may not. Well, how about if we put a tin can on a stump there? We came out here to shoot ducks and we'll shoot ducks or nothing. Oh, look out. Here comes the ducks, Leroy. Hey, it's my turn. Let's go. Leroy. You know, it's funny. You'll sit out in the duck blind for hours and you're cold and wet and you wish you hadn't come and you get one duck and everything's changed. Oh, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. Yeah, but how are we going to get the duck, Uncle? He's dropped in the swamp. Don't you worry about that. You just watch Senator there. He'll find it. Yes, sir. There's not a prettier sight in the world than a well-trained retriever in action. You'll see, my boy, he'll pick that duck up on his mouth and bring it back here without harming a feather. No. Yep, he's got it. Good boy, Senator. Good boy. Now watch him bring it back. Hey! He's sitting down. Hey! He's eating it. Come back to you. We'll be with us again in a few seconds. But first, maybe you're the questioning kind of person, the kind who has to be shown. If so, here's a test that should interest you. A test that will prove how good tasting parquet margarine is. Yes, parquet margarine, the economy spread for bread made by craft. Now, here's all you do to make a real test of parquet margarine's flavor. Take fresh from the oven bread or rolls or toast that's piping hot. Then spread them thick with parquet margarine and see for yourself how deliciously good parquet is. You see, heat brings out the taste of any food. It's a really severe test of flavor. You'll find parquet's flavor is delicate and mild, just right for a spread for bread. So let this simple test convince you and start serving your family parquet margarine tomorrow. And remember, parquet is an economical source of important food values. Nourishment, food energy, vitamin A. So tomorrow, sure, ask your dealer for parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by craft. Now let's get back to the great Gilder Sleeves. After a long hard day in the duck blind, he comes trudging home with wet feet, a sore shoulder, and the mangled remains of a duck to find that it's only nine o'clock in the morning. Oh, you here, judge? Had to see you up so bright and early, Commissioner. Yeah, funny how you always get in here in time for breakfast. This time we fooled you. I had mine at four o'clock. So I heard. Marjorie told me I had a little bite with her. I think it's a fine thing you're doing for Leroy, Gildy, devoting your whole weekend to him. You're going to get a lot of satisfaction out of it. Am I? You bet you are. What wouldn't I give for a boy I could make a pal of? I'll lend you Leroy. Do you know what he's got planned for this weekend? Why? Five hours in a duck blind with just a warm-up. Right now I'm supposed to play touch football. This afternoon there's the zoo and the carnival. Sounds like fun. Fun? Why, there's ten miles of walking at the zoo and another five miles at the carnival. Besides getting sick on the loop, the loop. Then tonight, a basketball game and somewhere we squeeze in a double feature. What am I going to do, Judge? Well, you just have to go through with it, I guess, Gildy. You can't let the boy down. No, but I can get sick. Oh, it's nothing to matter with you, Gildy. No, but there's going to be. What is it, my dear? Don't say anything about it, Judge. Leroy, it's raining. A little drizzle. I never call a game walk for that. Sure, what's a little drizzle? You keep out of this, Judge. Perhaps you'd like to go out and play with the boys. I'd be delighted to, if it weren't for my cow. Well, so would I, if it weren't for the cold I think I'm catching. Oh, I'll give promise. Now, Leroy, you can't ask Uncle Mort to go outdoors if he's catching a cold. You're absolutely right. That's you. Better try that one again, Gildy. That wasn't so good. Okay, you go mind your own business. I was just going, Gildy. I was on my way. Take good care of yourself, old man. Marjorie, I'd make him go to bed if I were you. I was thinking of that. Not a bad idea. I may do it. Best thing in the world for a cold. Bed, a hot mustard plaster, and a good stiff dose of castor oil. You. With that thought, I'll leave you. Goodbye. Goodbye, Judge. May drop in a little later to see how your patient's getting on. See that you don't, you old goat. Come on, Uncle Mort. Upstairs. Yes. I hope you won't mind, Leroy, if I do go upstairs and lie down for a little while. There's been a lot of this going on around here. Besides, now that I'm water commissioner, my health is a matter of public concern. I owe it to the town. I owe it to you, and take care of myself. You understand. Sure, we understand. Now, go ahead, Uncle Mort. You get right into bed, and I'll come in and see that you're comfortable. All right, my dear, if you think I ought to, I may see you later, Leroy. Yeah, take it easy, Uncle. Who does he think he's fooling? You comfortable now, Mr. Gillespie? As comfortable as I can hope to be, I guess, Brady. Now, you've got your book, you've got your magazine, you've got the radio beside your bed. Is there anything else you can think of? No, my dear, thank you. Don't bother about me. I'll be all right, I hope. I'll leave this little bell and ring it if you want anything. Cute, isn't it? Thank you, Brady. You go ahead, I'll make out here somehow. Right again, a little sleep now, Uncle Mort. Yes, you do that, Mr. Gillespie. I will if I can. Oh, uh... Yes, Uncle Mort? What was it now? Oh, yes. I wonder if you'd give me a glass of water. Oh, right away. Do you want to drink plenty of water for cold? The water commissioner doesn't drink it, who will? Oh, well, Brady! I was thinking, Brady, I guess I ought to... well, I guess I ought to need anything too heavy for lunch. Goodness, Mr. Gillespie, if it ain't time for lunch yet. I know, but how long will it be? Well, it's only a little after 10 now. Oh, well, maybe just a little glass of that V8 vegetable juice, huh? And some crackers and some cheese. I don't know if you ought to eat all them things, Mr. Gillespie, if you're sick. Be quiet, here comes Marjorie. Here's your water, Uncle Mort. Oh, you're too good to be, my dear. Yes, Mommy, really. I wonder if you'd bring me a box of Kleenex and put it beside my pillow. Yes, Uncle Mort. And ask Leroy if we'd bring me some cigars. Optimos. But don't make a special trip for it. Yes, Uncle Mort. Birdie! You know what I think would be good for my cold? What's that? Do you remember those little butterscotch pecan tarts you used to make? There'll be none of it! Yes, ma'am. Doggone ain't nobody can enjoy being sick like a man. They want more service! Well, out of my back and that's the kind of sympathy I get. It's her. I won't stay but a minute. Judge Hooker told me about your uncle's illness and I just had to run right over. Oh, it isn't, huh? Oh, I wish I had a comb. Oh, Leroy. Did you get a nasty bug? No, it's nothing, really. I feel better already. Now that you're here. Oh, you. I wanted to bring you over some jelly. Oh, fine. I'll eat it with my lunch. But I didn't have the faintest idea how to make it. Oh, well... It was sweet of you anyway. So I brought you a box of zoos-oos. Thank you. Zoos-oos. Just put it under my pillow or I can get at it. Oh, I think it's just terrible you getting sick like this. I can't tell you how disappointed I am. I was hoping for you to take me to the Halloween party at the Country Club. Oh, it sounds wonderful. I just love bobbing for apples, don't you? Yes, I'm crazy about it. And I suppose they'll play post office and silly games like that. I can think of worse games than post office. If you only hadn't gone and gotten sick. Oh, well, I dare say I can get somebody else. A judge hooker or somebody. Leroy? Yes. What time is that party? Eight o'clock. Oh, but goodness, what difference does it make now? I think I can make it. Oh, I wouldn't dream of late. No, I'm feeling a lot better already. It was those zoos-oos. I think by 7.30 tonight I'll be all right. Oh, but Schrockmorton. I'll be there at eight. I can only find one cigar. Oh, thank you, my boy. Well, Schrockmorton, I mustn't tie you. I do hope you'll get well soon. If I will, don't worry. Goodbye now. Goodbye, Mrs. Ransom. Bye. I'll ever be seeing you. How you feeling, onk? A little better, I think, Leroy, but none too vigorous. Well, maybe when you've had some lunch, you'll feel more like going to the zoo. I wouldn't count on that. You have to watch these things, you know, with possible complications. Marjorie, what have you got in that glass? Just orange juice. Yeah, you can't fool me. Oh, Onkelmore, don't be a baby. How do I know it isn't castor oil? Because we haven't, anyway. Oh. I had to send out for some. Besides, I'm not going to give it to you until the doctor gets here. Doctor? What do I want with the doctor? Oh, just to be on the safe side. Possible complications, you know. Huh? I think you ought to have your chest examined. I think I ought to have my head examined. Mr. Gillespie? I thought Mr. P.V. might cheer you up. Yeah, I'll try. Well, you're looking a little peeked, Mr. Gillespie. Nothing. What's the matter with me, P.V.? What's that you got there? Castor oil. You mean all that? Is castor oil? I brought you several varieties so you could pick the one you like. P.V., y'all castor oil is the same and you know it. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. That's the regular and the tasteless, and there's this new number. It's got the raspberry flavor. It's very nice. P.V., are you trying to tell me that you have some castor oil that tastes like raspberries? Well, I don't think it would fool anybody. I guess not. Well, what about the tasteless variety? Is it really tasteless? Well, not entirely. Tasteless castor oil is kind of a trade expression like easy payment plans. Easy. Well, come on. It's Dr. Pettibone to see you. Yes, the invalid isn't here. Hello, Gildersly. Hello, Doctor. Afternoon, P.V., nice weather. Yes, it is, Doctor. Of course, it rained a little this morning. But in general, the weather has been very good. But then, of course, that's bad for business. Have you look at it that way? It's really been quite discouraging, but I look for a change in the near future. Mrs. P.V.'s knee twitch this morning, and that generally means the spell will read in the morning weather. Goodbye, Mr. Gildersly. Goodbye, P.V. Well, Gildersly, I see you finally got what's coming to you. What are you talking about? Yes, sir, I've been telling you what would happen if you didn't cut down on your smoking so that your rage can't act like a 12-year-old, you know? How do you know I'm sick? You haven't even taken my temperature. I took it two years ago. You're taking my advice at the time you'd be a well man today. I am a well man. Here, feel my pulse. I know your pulse like a book. I hope you're going to take this collapse as a warning, Gildersly. Collapse? Doctor, aren't you even going to look at my tongue? Don't need to. You listen to me. How many cigars have you been smoking? I cut down, Doc. How long? No more than three. I can't live on three cigars a day. Yes, you can, and with the diet I'm going to give you, you'll look. Eh, diet? Yes, sir, breakfast, dry toast and tea, no cream or sugar. I'll starve to death. Lunch, hard-boiled egg, and plain lettuce salad, no oil. Eww. Dinner, one lamb chop, no fat, one potato, no gravy. After a week of that? No Gildersly. Nonsense. You'll like it. Well, I'll call you in a day or so, and wouldn't do you any harm to get some rest. I'm going to ask your niece to keep you in bed for a couple of days. Oh, no! Oh, yes. As my father used to say to his patients, take care of your body, my man. You'll never get another one. Oh, brother, how did I get into this? How am I going to get out of it? The hurry is almost eight. Yeah, you had better hurry, my dear. You sure you don't mind being alone? Alone? Not at all, my dear. Solitude can be very enjoyable at times. Are you sure Leroy is gone? Yes, he went to the basketball game. At Birdie too? Yes, she's out for the evening. Have a rather long, my dear, and have a good time. Good night, Uncle Moore. Good night. Holy smokes, I got about three minutes to get dressed and get over the widow ransoms. Where are my pants? Eww, I can't find my pants. Oh, here they are. I thought it was a coat. Eww. What's that? Why are we coming back? Eww, get into bed quick, fatso. Leroy, what happened? Did you forget something? No, I didn't forget anything. What are you doing back here? Well, you remember what we talked about last night, Uncle? About what? About you and me being pals. Oh, yes, of course I do. Well, I just wouldn't feel right about going off and leaving you here all alone when you're sick, Uncle. You shouldn't feel that way, Leroy. Well, I do. After all, you didn't get to go to the zoo or anything. So I decided I'd stay here and keep your company. That's very touching, my boy, and I appreciate it. I really do. But I wish you'd forget about me and go to that basketball game. Oh, I can see a basketball game anytime. I heard a joke today, Uncle. Would you like to hear a joke? Maybe to cheer you up. Well... What's black and red all over? Give up? Very good. Haven't heard the answer yet. A newspaper. Oh, that's even better. Leroy, will you go to that basketball game? You like that? Here's enough. What is it that will walk the chimney down or down the chimney up that won't walk the chimney up? Leroy, I'm in no mood to sit here and listen to corny riddles. Wear a cell phone. You must be getting better. Yes. I was beginning to worry about you there. Young man, you might as well know there's nothing whatever the matter with me, whatever. I know that. What? I'm getting up right now and I'm not going to any basketball game. I know that too. I know where you're going and I know who you're going with. Oh, you do, Aiden. What are you doing here? A little advance. Yes. Leroy, this is blackmailed, but I'm glad to pay it. At least now we understand each other. You awake, Leroy? Yeah. Enjoyable evening. Thank you. There's one thing I'd like to know. What's that? There was a car parked in front of Mrs. Ransom's house when I got there. I know. Judge Hooker. Yes. Was it you, by any chance, who let the air out of the judge's tires? Well, Halloween, you know. Leroy, that was not a nice thing to do. I only hope I can do as much for you sometime. Good night. Good night, everybody. Next on this program was composed and conducted by Billy Mills. This is Frank Bingman speaking for the Craft Cheese Company and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gelder's League. If someone in your family carries a lunchbox to work or school, here's something you should know. Yes, you should know about smooth-spreading, easy-slicing, Pabstet, the delicious golden cheese food that makes sandwich making as easy as ABC. Pabstet slices so easily and spreads so smoothly, it's grand for sandwiches and snacks. Pabstet is top two for cooked cheese dishes because it melts and blends and toasts to perfection. Or you'll find all kinds of ways to add delicious cheese goodness to your meals if you keep a supply of Pabstet around. Pabstet makes your meals more nourishing, too. It's a reliable source of food energy, milk protein, the milk, minerals, calcium and phosphorus, vitamin A. And Pabstet is as digestible as milk. So keep Pabstet on hand. Your food dealer has it in the distinctive round, flat package. Yes, tomorrow ask for Pabstet. P-A-B-S-T dash E-T-T. Pabstet, the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred uses. This program has reached you from Hollywood. This is The National Broadcasting Company.