 Item Number SCP-1000000-J Object Class Ketter Correction Ketterer Correction Ketterist Special Containment Procedures A single culture of SCP-1000000-J is to be set in a Petri dish in a hermetically sealed, lead-lined titanium sarcophagus filled with acid. The sarcophagus must be set in a hermetically sealed outer sarcophagus filled with no more and no less than fifty copies of each of the following religious scriptures. The Bible, the Koran, the Torah, the Dauda Qing, the Book of Mormon, the Bhagavad Gita, the Satanic Bible by Anton Leves, the Necronomicon, the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. The outer sarcophagus must, at all times, receive broadcasts from four loudspeakers of at least two members of the O5 council, giving live monologues of how awful SCP-1000000-J is and why it will never, ever escape, destroy humanity, or find true love. This area must be sealed in a hermetically sealed outer-outer sarcophagus, which is then placed five kilometers underground, separated from the surface by five kilometers of solid concrete blended with the ground bones of saints. Area-1000000-J has been established as a 100 kilometer radius on the surface above SCP-1000000-J. The fence on the perimeter of area-1000000-J is to be electrified, irradiated, and equipped with auto turrets with mounted 900 caliber railguns. The gate to area-1000000-J is to be guarded by one 500 kilogram, 3 meter tall ogre equipped with one 300 kilogram, 5 meter tall battle axe. The ogre must be completely deaf by surgical means if necessary. All personnel requesting entry to area-1000000-J must answer correctly the ogre's three impossible riddles, each of which are lethal auditory cognitohazards. Many civilians, non-05 foundation personnel, animals, plants, or microbes that have entered area-1000000-J are to be subjected to termination protocol 30 uber-totin. Termination protocol 30 uber-totin is to be carried out as follows. Step 1. Subject will be incinerated. Step 2. Subject's ashes will be double incinerated. Step 3. Step 4. Subject's ashes will be soaked in bleach for five hours. Step 5. The bleach-ashed solution will be subjected to 50K rads of gamma radiation. Step 6. The irradiated bleach-ashed solution will be locked in a hermetically sealed capsule. Step 7. The hermetically sealed capsule will be encased in a block of solid concrete. Step 8. The concrete block will be painted with the Latin version of the Lord's Prayer in lamb's blood and stored. Step 9. Stored concrete blocks will be placed on a foundation spacecraft twice monthly and launched into the center of the Sun. Step 10. The Sun will be angrily flipped off four times monthly by all members of the O5 Council. Any containment breach of SCP-1000000-J can only be counteracted by activation of all seven of the O5 Council's instant supermassive black hole generators. This will result in an XK-class end of the world scenario. But failure to do so will allow SCP-1000000-J to cause an K-class dance of a thousand data expunged scenario. Any and all information about SCP-1000000-J is restricted to Level 4 personnel or above. As a result, the author of this page is to be terminated. Description SCP-1000000-J is an indestructible, sentient, sapient, hostile bacterium. Its diet consists of souls, dreams, emotions other than sadness and fear, and small children's imaginary friends. Cultivation of SCP-1000000-J on substrates composed of finely ground shattered hopes and broken dreams was exceptionally successful. It reproduces asexually, and is capable of infecting a populated area 50 square kilometers every nanosecond. Infected organisms will die, rejuvenate, data expunged, die again, then explode. SCP-1000000-J is capable of speech, but speaks a language entirely composed of lethal cognitohazards, with no equivalent phrase for please thank you or I'm sorry. It is also made disparaging remarks about the area SCP-1000000-J site director's mother, which is called the site director's mother to die, rejuvenate, data expunged, die again, then explode. Addendum 1, October 2, 2014. Implantation of 4000 emergency nuclear warheads at Area SCP-1000000-J has been determined to be too frivolous and costly, and the application has been rejected by 0511. However, implantation of 3900 emergency nuclear warheads is gaining traction as a basic necessity and is under careful consideration.