 I'd like to welcome everyone to Ignite the Spark. My name is Shar Speck Pacniak, and I am the founder, CEO of Ignite the Spark, mentoring program that we created, it's almost seven years ago. Now we work with middle school and high school girls, really trying to help them journey through life. Life as a teenager, definitely a challenge. And what we're trying to do is help them with school, help them with career exploration, help them with family life. It's a pretty broad program. We work with the students after school during the school year and during the summer, we're working with the students during the day. So we really enjoy that. One of the exciting things, one of the projects that we do, we're actually in our second year of doing this, is thanks to master's gallery, we're able to sponsor a 5K, it's a run walk. And the whole goal of that event is to create awareness and hopefully decrease the bullying that happens. I mean, you certainly see walks and runs for breast cancer and Alzheimer's and mental health. And I mean, the list goes on and on, but I can't say that I've ever seen one that talks about bullying. And I don't think there's anybody in the world that can't mention something they know about bullying. My two guests today, Roy Perang is a runner, marathon guy. I'm pretty exciting to watch what he's done through the years. I'm also very excited about having with me. And I'm gonna do this again, Paula. Your last name is? Cudworth. Cudworth, okay. But I'm gonna let both of you introduce yourselves a little bit more as we begin to talk about this. Roy, tell the viewers a little bit more about your background and where you come from and what did you do just for lack of it? I'm Mr. Borgonite, born and raised here. Spent about three years in the United States Army and the rest of the time I've been in the United States. Was bullied as a youth. I suffered from obesity and I also suffered from bullying because of that. A name calling, you know, chubby, fatso, chubbs, whatever, there's a lot of names. And it hit me very hard in the heart. Over the years I became a runner, world champion, world record holder, American record holder, American champion. And I've reached out to others about bullying and about obesity. And it's not easy to talk about it because it's really ingrained in you. Obesity is not just overeating, there's more mental stuff involved with it. And I learned that by actually talking more about it. I've spoken at Marquette University to exercise physiology classes on obesity. And it really hits home when you see little children, teenagers talking about their parents ragging on about, you know, not being in shape or the overweight or whatever. And there's deep seated feelings that will last a lifetime. And I still get a little choked up when I think about my past. Once I started running, I lost weight, and I kept a photo in a cabinet. And the photo was taken just days before I got out of the Army. And when I got out of the Army, it was back to being obese again. It was almost 200 pounds. Holding a half a liter of German beer when my first mustache, a little kind of pencil thing like David Niven, if you know who that is. And that was my reminder that I didn't want to go back there. So exercise for me has been a savior. It may not be for everyone. I definitely changed the way I ate. My eating habits changed. And I think that was a bigger portion of it because I really didn't know how to eat. And part of obesity is binge eating. When you're emotionally upset about something, you're satisfied by dove bars and candy and sugar and things like that. Well, it's not good for you and you pack on weight and you don't realize it. And then one day you look in the mirror and you say, who's that and it's you. And when you pack on about 60 pounds, you notice it pretty easily when you look at a photograph. So I like to compare photographs of when I became a runner and prior and just say I'm never going back there and I know what to do and how to do it. And I just like to share, especially with teenagers, I know that's the growth is. Those are the hormones are kicking in when you're most emotional, everything hits home. You don't feel good about yourself for whatever reason. And eating is a good way of taking care of that. You're satisfied, you know. When you're a little kid, you get an ice cream if you eat your cauliflower or your broccoli, right? So it's a reward. So we look at food the wrong way. Food is fuel. And when you become an athlete or a runner, you tend to look at that as fuel rather than something to be satisfied with. You know, many people say, oh, you won the race, you won the title, whatever. I didn't go out and celebrate. And those days are gone. I used to celebrate, my best story is my wife used to buy a dove bars for me. So if I would do a 24 hour race, I'd come home and she'd have a pack of three dove bars. And I would eat one, eat one the next day and one the next day, so that was my reward. When I did a six day race and I came home and she had six, three packs. So I had 18 days of eating dove bars. By the time I hit the 12th one, I didn't want to eat another one and I had not eaten one since. So I looked at it, it was, I'm not really rewarding myself. This is really not good for me. So I changed my attitude and I say, I put food in there and that's not that's good. I was in good tasting, but what is good for me? And I think it's all about that attitude. So over the years I've had many accomplishments and I think it all stems from becoming athletic for a reason to overcome obesity. Now how many miles have you done over the time you keep? A couple years ago I reached 100,000 miles, lifetime miles, I probably run somewhere between 2,000 and 3,000 miles a year now, less than what I used to do. I'm gonna be 70 in a couple months and I actually have less time. I'm retired and I do more now than I've ever done. I have less time to run and running is still satisfying to me, but I guess I don't put as much into it as what I used to when I was in my late 30s, early 40s and even 50s. I run a lot of races, usually 25 to 50 races a year. Anywhere from 5K and I usually do five to six marathons and maybe five to six ultra marathons per year as well. And I also kind of branched off and did some triathlons off and on too, just to break up the monotony of running, so. The monotony of running. But some people think it's monotonous, I don't. I enjoy running every step, so. I run when I say I'm not a workable, as you can see. Now Paula, you're with Masters Gallery. Tell me a little bit about why you ended up being the person that came here to represent them. Well, I work for Masters Gallery Foods and it is a wonderful company. I feel very blessed to be there. We were just small talking one day and Jeff Gentine and Sue mentioned this to me and I went, I will so talk about that. Bullying has been life changing to our family. I have a daughter that will be 21 in October and at about the seventh grade, she experienced bullying that carried all the way through high school. And she was never overweight. She was just plain and simple picked on by girls and boys. And unfortunately it turned into an eating disorder. And on November 9th, 2012, she was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. And she was 89 pounds and about four days away from dying. And so we immediately put her into children's hospital and got her weighed up, put her into treatment after that. Unfortunately, anorexia is eating disorder as well as bulimia that stays with you forever. I can't even begin to tell you what it did to our family. The bullying in itself was a very long road and the personal experiences that Lauren went through, we don't ever wanna see any kid go through. She is now a state champion power lifter. So from 89 pounds to a wonderful 155 pounds. She weighs more than you. She is beautifully healthy. Good. Not to say that she doesn't struggle with it yet because she does, she's got good days and she's got bad days. But she basically did this on her own. She fought her own battle. But the thing that I can't stress enough to families that are going through this is to communicate with your kids, be their support system. Because if you don't have the proper support system for your kids going through this, you can forget it. It's, you have to have it. There were days that I wanted to give up, because I just didn't know how to help her anymore. But she has to want it. Any other kid has to want it. It is a mental illness, unfortunately. But she has come through with flying colors. And I'm super, super proud of her. She does like to travel around to schools and talk to health classes and spread her words of wisdom as to what anti-bullying, or what bullying can do, pardon me, to a person and the lifelong battle that you can endure because of it. And she is very passionate about that. And she's doing really, really good now. But it's a tough road. I don't ever want to see any kid go through it. And there's just not enough help the way it is right now. I don't, you know, it seems to me, and I was sharing with you, I was bullied when I went to school. My full name is Charmaine. Well, when I went to high school, Charmaine toilet paper and the commercial with Mr. Whipple don't squeeze the Charmaine. I mean, I would, I'd go down the hallway and I'd hear that constantly, don't squeeze the Charmaine, don't, you know. I would go home in tears so many times, you know, and they toilet papered my locker. And, you know, it was, it was awful. And, you know, back then, and I think still now, sometimes we want to say to a kid, we'll just suck it up. And it's like, no, it's not that easy. It's, you're being beaten down by, even if, I mean, there's physical bullying, no doubt about it, but just mentally, you know, the way you end up being mentally, you know. Well, and in this day and age, with social media being what it is, it's easy to be the bully behind the screen. Yes. And it's easy to hit delete. And, you know, there are kids that are gonna screenshot it, you know, and then use that as their proof, and there's not enough of that, unfortunately. Right. But the social media bullying is absolutely out of hand. Yeah, I... It really, really is. And it's very, very unfortunate. And I would say almost daily with the students that we're working with, there is a story of some sort where somebody is experiencing some type of bullying. And whether it has to do with your race, your ethnic background, your religion, whatever, it's going on. And, you know, kids should be able to be kids and have fun and enjoy school. You know, as interesting as I was doing some research this morning, and I forget the percent, but most of the bullying is happening in a school setting. And it's like, yeah, definitely. I think that's where a lot of it's happening. Even if it's out of school, it's probably classmates of yours that are picking on you. And again, I think as families, as parents, as neighbors, we can't just look the other way. We've got to get involved. We've got to step up and say, whoa, stop. Each of us is beautiful in our own way. Absolutely. I agree with Paula. The social media is probably the worst of our image. It just exasperates everything. And kids are afraid to delete a friend. You know, if they're bullying them, they're not a friend. When I was a kid, my mom used to say, sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. But words hurt me more than broken arms. I've had 32 broken bones, and I think words hurt me more than anything. It's only happened to my body physically. Emotionally is where you get all the damage and you get hung up forever on it. And now if somebody would say something to me, those words don't offend me anymore. I just be going one ear out the other because I look at who I am. I'm satisfied with who I am. I don't value other people's opinion of who I am because most of the time when someone says something to you, it's negative. And nobody stops you on the back and say, hey, congratulations, you broke your elbow. And it's like, you goofist, you shouldn't have fallen down, you know? And it's like tongue in cheek, just let it go, you know? Right, and I think, again, the kids need to know that they're good, they're beautiful. However God loves them, they're awesome. Bullying seems to only be talked about one month out of the year, which is October, National Bullying Month. That is not enough. It has to be talked about every day. These kids need to know that they have a place to go that is safe. They need to have people that are there to help and support them. And if they don't get it at home, they have to be able to get it somewhere. Right. And there is not a lot out there. So what you are doing is phenomenal, you know? I can't say enough. I mean, I wish that this was around when my daughter was in school. Yeah, there's girls clubs and big brothers and sisters and things like that. And those are also great programs. So it's finding a mentor, finding somebody that can relate to your problem and help you deal with it. I think kids don't want to reach out and ask for help. They want to suffer through it. That's the wrong way. That's right. If you think you need help, go get it. And they get scared to talk about it because they're afraid it's gonna get leaked back to the wrong person and they're gonna get picked on more for it. So. Right, right. Well, the event that we're doing is in September. It's Saturday, September 22nd. 22nd, yes. We had mentally picture the calendar. It happens right on the riverfront. The people will start at Pier 17. They will go along Lake Michigan. If you go to North Point to the sign there and turn around and come back to Pier 17, that is 5K. It's like, how perfect is that? What a perfect location to be able to run or walk along the lake. We did it for the first time last year. It was really kind of cool because we had a grandmother in a wheelchair. She was, she had hurt herself. I don't think she was permanently in the wheelchair, but her granddaughter pushed her in the wheelchair and they did the 5K and it's like, how cool is that? And when we created the event, what we said is we needed to pay it forward, ripple it out and so what we're doing is the school that raises the most money which is basically through having people participate. The school that raises the most money based on their size so that it's fair, they will get $200 back. So they can then create any initiative or whatever they want to to fight bullying at their school because again, as you said, this is not just an October issue. It's an issue that goes on every single day. And people need to know that and to speak up and to get involved. And now I'm thinking, what was the website I was looking at this morning? The government has a website to fight bullying and I think it's anti-bullying or it's a dot gov website. And they've got put together this whole plan of what communities could do to fight bullying. I mean, how much more simpler can it get? Here's the, in the package, ready to go initiative for a community to try and fight bullying. And I'm thinking, hmm, I think they need to do that. I agree, there's not enough of it. There's not enough around that shows these kids that it's okay to go to a safe place, to talk about what happened because they are scared. And unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be enough accountability for when it does happen. I can tell you that I've seen it where they get a little tap on the wrist and then they can go home from school for two days. Most kids go, whoo-hoo. Yeah, for two days. For two days, two day vacation, I can go home and play video games and they come back to school and it starts all over again. There's just not, there was one group in when my daughter was in high school that was an anti-bullying group. I think as I told you earlier, a lot of the girls that were in that club were the cause of my daughter's problems. So, it wasn't any help at all and it just drove her further away, so. And that's unfortunate. There's too accepted as the norm to me is what's frustrating. And I think that's what's out there. It's like, oh, that's part of growing up. And it's like, but it shouldn't be part of growing up. I just, what I wanna tell the viewers is make sure that you reach out to people. If you see somebody that's picking on somebody else, get involved, say something. I'm not saying you need to break the kids apart and I don't think there's as much physical bullying as there is just words and words can hurt. And I think there's a way to, as a citizen, to say, hey, knock it off. That just is not right. I think a lot of it is pure pressure too, so if two people are bullying one, it's a lot easier for those two to do that to that one person. And before you know it, it becomes three or four or five and that person is just the brunt of their bullying. And why they get satisfaction from that, I don't know, but they're more likely to be, oh, we're closer friends because of this. They make poor decisions because of that. If you'd ask them one-on-one, why are you doing that? They couldn't give you a decent answer. I'm doing it because Mary said or Joe said. Well, he started it. Exactly. And I'm just going along with it. It's a game and it's really not a game. No, it's not. You're doing damage to a person and it just is not right. The other thing you and I talked about a little bit before is where do you go for that help? And that definitely is a challenge. Good friend of mine, she actually interned with me for a while. She's now the director of Mental Health America for Shebron County, Kate Bear. Maybe you know Kate. She definitely one of the driving things that they do every other year is they create this directory of resources for the community and they've got a directory for Shebron County and I think it even reaches out beyond that because I think like children's hospitals even in there. But you name the issue and you want to find the answer? It's probably in that directory. It's a great, great tool and they even have it online and they're constantly updating it. So, you know, whatever that issue is that you're thinking, I wish I knew how to get the answer to this. You know, my, and I can't say that dogs are necessarily in there, but people are and that to me is awesome. So, you know, whatever the issue is food banks and doctors and just you name it, it's in there. So, because again, you should have some place to reach out and that's the whole thing with mentoring and what we do, why do we mentor? We're mentoring because we want to have that extra person that's there, that's listening and that's supporting you. And I think that's something that is just so important. And sometimes the kids need, you know, I've always been both my husband and I have always been 100% supportive of our daughter and everything that she went through and being advocates for anti-bullying, but sometimes kids need an outside person other than their family that they can go to. You know, you could still, they can get as much support in the world from your family, but sometimes they just need that little extra non-related person that will give them a different perspective on the situation. So, you know, definitely, you know, viewers, if you're thinking, well, how do I find out more information about this 5K? It should be up on our website in the next, I would say week, the registration will be up there. The sooner you register, the less it costs to register. So, and there's different ways to get involved if you want to volunteer. Maybe you're thinking, I'd like to be that extra person that's gonna listen. Maybe I'd like to be a mentor. Go to the Horizons website and look at how to get involved. Quick question for you, when is that gone and when are you out running again? Well, the doctor told me when he put the original splint and sling on that I wasn't to run, so a last Saturday I jobbed. I let him know I did a 5K in Green Bay and it was perfectly fine. The elbow bone itself is totally healed already. Now it's, I had totally triceps tendon off and now I'm just getting mobility back so this locks it, that's as far as it should move and gradually we just increase the range of mobility till it goes up to this one and then this comes off. Okay, excellent. So physical therapy, just moving things and this at least freed me up that I could drive so otherwise I probably wouldn't have been here today. Well, and I'm thinking, man at 70, I hope I'm as active as she is, okay? Yeah, the doctor told the physical therapist, we gotta watch this guy. She gave me a sheet of paper and said this is instructions and I said, oh, I don't have my glasses on but I see it says suggestions on there. Well, and hopefully you, maybe your daughter will come down and join us at our 5K that's coming up. But I'm excited, definitely. Think about igniting the spark, we talk about that. That's a way to get involved and to be a part of a young person's life and to help them as they're discovering who they are. But I look forward to seeing our viewers again next month. This is Shar Pachniak with Ignite the Spark. ["Shar Pachniak"]