 This Christmas there's only one soap that can make woman naughty again Tactical soap fair money for you soap for men proud channel sponsor of 21 studios I'm Anthony dream Johnson, and I approve this soap Order now the link below use coupon code 21c for 10% off now George Bruno with the 21 report in Orlando, Florida And we're talking with dr. Robert Glover He was just whisked off stage and now we're gonna talk to him about his message for men Welcome good to be here George. What is your impression of the 21 convention here so far? You've been around this is blown me away. I've been to Lots of men's programs man to have several hundred men in one place First-class production the speakers Man, I'm sitting there listening to them, and I'm one of the speakers I'm going these guys are good. Yeah, and and I'm just watching the men just soak it up And they're alive and they're energized and it's I had no idea what to expect coming here. Yeah, and it's just blown me away Yeah, it's it's learning by immersion. There's a lot going on here, right? A lot of moving parts and you guys have been apparently practicing this every year Yeah, this year it seems to have really gone to another level. It gets better and better every year. Yeah I When I was in graduate school someone said to me once Like I complained that there was 13 textbooks for one class and I said how the hell can I? Possibly do this reading and they said it's the European method of Education and I said what's that and they said if you throw enough shit against the wall something's gonna stick Yeah, so that's what I feel this conference is like they're just putting so much out there But if one or two things stick with the attendees It was worth it because there is a lot of information. It's rapid fire just all day long It is and I've I've got my notebook and with every speaker I've written down about two or three lines under each of the speakers of just just the key prime stuff that that's good That's good. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, and even referenced several of them in my talk as well today. Just I'm a guy and and I live this stuff. This isn't just academic It isn't just a book. I wrote right. It's my life. I'm married. I have kids step kids I have a job. I'm in the world. Yeah, and this stuff's real life stuff and there's a lot of stuff sticking to the wall Yeah, I've heard it said I'm not sure who actually coined the phrase but the 21 convention and this movement is Nothing but men sharing notes Good way to put it. I like that That's what I was doing just making notes and deciding how many of these notes can I share with them in an hour? You know a year from now or two years from now someone's going to approach you They will have seen you live here They will have seen this interview listen to your podcast and a change is going to have been made in their life And they're going to say it's because of you the ripple effect of your data of your information of your inspiration And of course all of our messages are a combination of education data facts and Inspiration how do you inspire men? The message that I get back from men is that I'm real. I'm authentic now I would not have been accused of that 30 years ago. I hid everything as I was a people pleaser I was a nice guy and I think that's the greatest compliment people give me is that that Dr. Glover you're real. You're authentic. You tell the truth. You live this stuff. You talk about your struggles I'm I'm bumbling my way through life like everybody else and I try to learn as I go And that's what I share and I think people really appreciate that it's not like I'm some academic that read it in a book Or I've figured it all out and I've got it all, you know, my life is just perfect I still work at this stuff every day. Yeah, and and I think people men especially like knowing, you know This guy's practicing what he preaches. He doesn't get it perfect But when he falls down he gets up and try something new What does it mean your book is titled no more mr. Nice guy is there a nice guy syndrome or a nice guy? Profile well, I do talk about the nice guy syndrome in the book and basically Just the short version of a nice guy is he's he's internalized beliefs at a very young age usually in childhood usually 3-4-5 months old this stuff begins Internalizing a belief there's something wrong with me. I'm not okay. Just as I am I have to become what I think other people want me to be to be approved of to get loved to get my needs met And I have to hide the things about me that might trigger a negative reaction in other people Of course, this is usually parents at a young age and the most common things that nice guys hide is their needs and their sexuality And so if you imagine then growing up to be an adult trying to do whatever it takes to get the approval of everybody around you and Hiding everything about you that might trigger negative reaction It leads to a very frustrating lifestyle and that that in a nutshell is nice guy syndrome. Hmm What are the downfalls of being a nice guy? Well the first chapter in the book is all about that Nice guys actually miss misnomer nice guys are often anything but nice Even though we think and I always thought I'm a nice guy. I'm one of the nicest people you ever wanted me Why why wouldn't everybody like me? Why wouldn't everybody want to be you know the same? But because a nice guy is not fundamentally authentic. He's not being himself He's fundamentally a lie. He's going he's lying about everything if he's trying to become You know if I try to become what you want me to be so you approve of me. I'm lying You know if I try to become what you want me to be I'm lying. There's no truth there. You can't count on anything Now beyond the fact that we're not authentic And everything we do in a sense is a lie because we're trying to get approval. We're hiding things The other part is is because we're not good at getting our needs met. We're not good at letting people give to us We're not good at surrounding ourselves with people and organizations that can give to us We tend to build up a lot of resentment It's like I give all this and I don't get much back in return that resentment builds and And we kind of start ruminating about it and then it either comes out as passive aggressive behavior Which is indirect anger maybe a put-down a jab I'll say I'm gonna do it and I don't follow through on it Or the other is what I call a victim puke where it just builds and it builds and it builds until we just blow up and You know, we just say everything that's been ruminating in our brain It's usually hurtful and damaging to everybody involved So these are ways that nice guys tend to not be nice my my ex-wife was married to when I wrote the book He used to say I'd rather be with an asshole because at least the asshole I know he's gonna treat me bad all the time you treat me well treat me well Everybody thinks you're an amazing guy But then you do this thing to stab me in the back or hurt me or you blow up at me And I didn't even know you you were even bothered by that until you blow up six months after the fact So those are some of the ways that nice guys Unfortunately, they're not always so nice very interesting. I worked for many years with Top models many who have become gray silver and white hair models many of the faces that you would recognize But for years they would color their hair until the point where they ditched the dye and when you ask them Why they stopped coloring their hair? One of the answers that was common right across the board. It's almost as if they were sharing notes. They would say I Wanted to find my authentic self so for decades when they were Coloring their hair they were feeling not authentic. You mentioned being an authentic man How is a man? How does a man become authentic and Is there peace and authenticity is there peace in it? Yes And there's turmoil. I've got a tattoo on my arm of Jesus nailed to a cross He was authentic. So they say and he still got nailed to a cross. So, you know, it can attract stuff. Yeah The term from psychology would be differentiation when a person is differentiated They're they're authentic and I tell people I tell guys I work with being differentiated has two parts to it The first part is asking yourself. What do I want? What feels right to me? What am I going to do and and you've got to ask yourself that most of the time? We just were you know, we're lemmings we go along with the crowd We do what we think is expected of us, but to be able to ask yourself. What do I want? What feels right to me? That's the first step of being differentiated The second step is then following through on that and proceeding Even if you get flack from outside mom dad friends society church culture or The buzz inside your head that's true. Oh, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna get in trouble. I'm gonna be disliked I'm gonna lose my job. I'm gonna lose my wife So the differentiation to be authentic you've got to be able to ask yourself What's right for me and then number two you got to follow through on that. Is there peace in that? Yeah, because you're not all the time guessing and trying to figure things out and covering this lie and trying to think of You know, how do I need to be with this person and blah blah blah? And as I said it can track some negative attention. Well, it always happens every great man Who's ever lived who was authentic and integrated and differentiated also caught flack. It just comes with the territory. Hmm Let me ask you this. What is the prescription? for this nice guy syndrome for Overcoming it working through it or what causes it getting rid of it overcoming it being healed from it Okay, good question. I I've told people for years. I'm a recovering nice guy and I'm still working at it. I got married again two years ago It's my third marriage I thought I'd worked through a lot of the stuff that tends to come up for me in a relationship And then with a new person with new personalities and their stuff I got triggered into some of my nice guy patterns all over again of being too much of a pleaser and a problem-solver and Avoiding conflict. I watched it come up and I thought man It's like I need to go read my book all over again. And So I went out and got a men's coach I joined a men's group the stuff that I prescribe in the book is don't try to do this alone and It's like we're gonna work on this stuff to the day we die Now things get better better better of my life's amazing. I love my life I Couldn't have I could not have had the life I have now 30 years ago Mm-hmm would not have been possible because I live my life on my terms Yeah, I tell people I live in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I have a beautiful home. It's got a swimming pool I've got a beautiful wife. She's 22 years younger than me She wants to have sex all the time and guys will say you're so lucky. I'll go No, no luck involved. This was hard work This was a conscious process Now it's not like that was my dream to create all of that But it is what has come to me by doing the work of living authentically with differentiation Being honest making my needs a priority having good boundaries and just living a life of passion There have been common themes all week long do the work be the best version of yourself make a dent in the universe How can a man be the best version of himself I Think the number one prescription I'd give a man to answer that question is go connect with other men who have the same Philosophy who are working on and it doesn't even matter. I gave during my speech I gave a few different suggestions of where you could find men's programs. They're different. They have different philosophies But they're about men wanting to evolve. That's not about becoming a different person And it's really not even about becoming a better person. It's about becoming the best you All right to to to live up to your capabilities your potential and I'm 62 years old and I'm still challenging myself myself I've I've got a commitment a goal to write 10 books in 10 years and I mean at 62 my dad retired at 55 He wasn't interested in being his best self. He was just interested in okay. I've done that for 30 years. I'm done I Don't know where I'm gonna be in 20 years, but I think it'll still be a pretty interesting life Who is your ideal client or ideal subscriber? follower Fan, who do you speak to the most? Well, I don't know if I've been asked exactly that question It really is people and I've heard this a lot at this convention, especially When people find the red pill material usually they've had trauma Some things happen now I find it the the men that tend to come to me either they find my book or you know, they come to a group or workshop It's usually that they're there at some point of frustration often in relationship either they can't get a girlfriend They don't know how to be with women how to get a woman to be with them Maybe they've just had a breakup a girlfriend the end of a marriage or they're out there maybe Maybe in the 40s and 50s out there in the dating world all over again So it's funny that most of the time it is around relationship one way or another women drive us crazy You know, we're still trying to figure them out But that's why I said don't try to figure them out set the tone and lead and see if they follow So for me that I think the ideal guy is one who recognizes the tools in my toolbox have not been sufficient I've tried I tried to follow the rules I you know, I followed the prescriptions of my family or my church or my culture and it's just isn't working and they're ready for something else They're ready to have new tools added to their toolboxes. They're ready to be challenged They're ready to get out of their comfort zone there and for me again I'll say it again It's that willingness to connect with other men and I find that if we can connect with men We our ancestors are human race evolved in tribes and now we're also isolated and And I spoke on that this afternoon. We're looking for tribe So find tribe connect with men and then let those men challenge you as you challenge them Those are the guys I love working with I Used to say I was an expert at parenting until I had kids and That challenged everything and then I found out that I was winging it and then I had a moment And I don't know when that was Where I took Some men's organizations called the father wound Guys typically have something that they hold against their father and then that gets erased when you have this aha moment of Holy crap. My dad was winging it too and then all of a sudden We forgive our fathers and at that moment he goes from father To friend and the relationship changes. Can you speak on that? I had that experience as well My mother raised my brother and I to be different from our father that she stayed married to him till he passed away about nine years ago And she's since apologized for that that that was not a healthy thing to do to her sons to say You know you need to be different from your dad because he's he's angry and he's selfish and he's self-centered and he doesn't treat me well and I Bought into her view of my dad now my dad had problems He had some kind of mood disorder. He could be up and down. He could be in a bad mood for weeks But I'm also really grateful for my dad. He took me fishing. We went camping He since I was a kid. I'm one of my earliest memories is like at five years old My first hardball bat and hardball him pitching to me in the front yard and me hitting it through my parents bedroom window So he came to all my ball practices. He was encouraging of that And so he had his flaws. He was winging it He was the baby of his family his oldest brother was 20 years younger than older than him so he had no guidebook and I went through a stage of being Hurt and resentful of both my parents. I didn't talk to my mom and dad for 15 years and After a period of time It's funny. I read an article about baseball is the beginning of the baseball season And there's like some articles in the local paper and my dad taught me to play baseball took me to baseball games And I thought I've loved baseball all my life and I wrote him a letter. I don't know. It's an email or letter I can't remember now. It's been about 10 years ago or more and I just thanked him. I said dad I just want to let you know I'm grateful for these things you gave my life They've blessed my life and about six months later He got back in touch with me and he only lived like 20 minutes away from me And and he and I started getting together about once or twice a year really not very often We'd go have coffee have donut we'd talk and I came to the conclusion and this was so liberating to realize He was a flawed broken human being he was operating at his peak level and this was this was all I You know was gonna get from him. This was who he was and it's like I just made peace with that that okay He wasn't perfect He was operating in his own peak level Okay, and and there's something about forgiving your dad's it helps you forgive yourself as well And then let's you say okay. I can be a flawed male as well I don't have to be perfect don't have to get it right don't have to be different from dad or different from all The other men out there so that was liberating for me to just have peace and then he had a stroke and passed away About two or three years after I'd begun that as in his hospital room his hospice room Every day for about two weeks and I'd kiss him on the cheek I mean he was in a coma. I just say thank you dad. I just thank him. Yeah Emotions coming up about that. Yeah, it was a blessing to have made that peace and be grateful for everything He'd given me better late than never. Yeah, can you imagine living life and not having been able to do that with your father? I'm so grateful. Yeah that that I reached out and said thank you dad for this. That's powerful and then We we we had whatever we could have yeah, you know We I said we reached the limits of what he was capable of and to be there at his bedside every day and With you know with my mom watching him die and just being grateful Talking with hundreds of men in my career I've noticed this one thing Everyone changes doesn't matter who they are what level of education they are when they start talking about their father Their face changes everything Talk about her dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can interview people about their dad's my face changes and yeah and things change I feel it. I can feel just you know the wetness in my eye coming up And he was a flawed imperfect. I spoke at his memorial I was the only one of four kids that spoke. Yeah, the first words I said is that at best my father could be difficult everybody said amen None of my siblings wanted to speak. Yeah, but I was at peace with it and that felt good. That's neat George Bruno from the 21 report talking with Dr. Robert Glover, how can people find you easy enough my website's dr. Glover comm that's dr Glover com and if they just want to Google Robert Glover or Google no more. Mr. Nice guy I've got the top several spots on both of those pages. So it's easy enough. Thank you very much. We appreciate it Thank You George is great