 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the seven signs he's moving slow and he's ready to leave. You're gonna wanna hear about this. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and tradition. So all I ask is you give it a chance. And as I said before, if it resonates with you, great, if it doesn't, that's okay too. All right, let's talk about those seven signs, he's moving slowly and he's about ready to leave. So I've noticed a consistent pattern within human beings who are actively engaging in romantic relationships. And certainly there's the pattern of those who come on strong and they're driven by chemistry, they're driven by lust, they're driven by limerence and they certainly do not go slow in the process. And this is true of men and women alike. It's very easy to get caught up in chemistry, it's very easy to get caught up in lust and it's so easy to kind of get caught up with limerence and limerence simply means extreme infatuation. And then there's another group of people that tend to go much slower in relationships and I think this is something that needs to be addressed and explored at a much deeper level. And I've noticed that there's two reasons why people tend to go slow, why they tend to go slow. It's because, number one, they don't feel emotionally safe in this union, in this dynamic, in this situation, in this experience. They don't feel emotionally safe. And the second reason is that they're not capable of emotional intimacy, they're not capable of a fully committed relationship. Now I wanna spend a few minutes talking about those that don't feel emotionally safe and this is true for men and women alike. It's because these days, and if you're listening to me, this is gonna sound like rhetoric, this is gonna sound repetitive, excuse me. We're meeting total strangers, we're meeting people outside of our community, of our tribe, of our village, of our town. And so it makes it more difficult to feel safe with someone when there's no, there's all these degrees of separation. Think about it for a moment. When you get, if you've gotten introduced by somebody you know through a friend that knows somebody, you feel much more emotionally safe with this person than you do a total stranger. And these days, because of these devices, and given that roughly about 50% of all new relationships is happening through an online connection, we're meeting most likely people we don't otherwise know in our life. And do you remember what your mother and father told you when you were young, what they said about strangers? Beware of strangers, beware of strangers, beware of strangers, okay? So we already have a built-in disposition to have some resistance, some walls with people we don't feel safe with. This is why lately I've been recommending the book by Malcolm Gladwell called Talking to Strangers, Talking to Strangers, what you should know about the people you don't know. Folks, from the dating perspective, I know you love the idea of a man romancing you and I know you love the idea of the guy planning dates and paying for dates and paying for your valet and doing all these chivalrous things to prove himself. And yet what value is it if someone does all those things if they're not capable of being in a relationship, if they're not emotionally healthy, if they're emotionally dysfunctional? And it's very difficult to know these things if they're a total stranger because when your friend introduces you to somebody they know they vetted that person for you, they have a sense of this person's personality, they have hopefully some history with this person. And that's why folks, whether you meet someone online or even organically, unless you know somebody that knows them or unless they know people that you know, it's going to be very difficult to feel safe. And this is why some people go slow. Now, the other reason why they go slow is because they're not capable of being in a healthy, happy relationship. And this is a big percentage of the population. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I'm going to show it here to you, everyone. Roughly about 20% of the population has clinical issues. They have clinical emotional issues. And then over here, I say about 20% of the population is emotionally healthy. And I'm being ridiculously generous when I say 20% because the vast majority of the population, and this is true of men and women alike, are dysfunctional. I'm talking about emotional dysfunctionality and relationship skills. Now, I know, ladies, you're all pointing the finger at, yeah, men are bad at this. Men are bad at this. Men are bad at this. Folks, I'm a single man out there, and I can tell you that the vast majority of women that I have met through these mediums are equally at bad at their relationship skills. And just because women have a capacity to vomit their feelings, doesn't necessarily make them better at communicating their feelings. This is why I continually recommend book after book after book. One in particular is I highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And this should have been titled Compassionate Communication. Compassionate Communication. Because once a person masters their communication skills, they actually begin to attract better and better communicators in their life. I'm gonna repeat that. When a person gets very skilled at communication, I'm talking about healthy communication. Sadly, here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness, and most humans operate from a victim communication perspective and not a victor perspective. That's why the book is called Nonviolent Communication because people tend to operate from a place of I've been hurt, I've been wronged. And I wanna invite everybody to improve their communication skills because here's the bottom line. You know, it's interesting. I'm gonna say that think about this. Roughly 50% of people who get married get divorced. They get divorced. They are, and by the way, think about how many of those people stay in relationships much longer than they need to. How many of those people stay in much longer than they need to? This is why we're going to explore the seven signs of how to know he's getting ready to leave or the relationship is over. So you're better prepared because the beauty of today is ladies, you don't have to be mated for survival reasons. You don't have to be mated with a man to survive. You can actually choose men who are capable of going deeper into relationship. And by the way, I say this before, and I'll say it again, most men are good guys. They're just bad daters and this is why folks, I know this is gonna drive you crazy because I know you love the idea of just leaning back in your feminine energy and waiting the guy to claim you. Here's the bottom line. Most men aren't skilled at connecting with their heart and it takes a woman for a man to connect to his heart. It takes a woman to bring it out and it requires leading by example, leading by example. This is why I continually recommend this book over and over and over again and before the penis goes inside the vagina, purchase two copies of the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. This will help prepare you before you have sex with a guy to determine if you two are actually a good fit. And I'm gonna tell you something, roughly about a third of men will absolutely reject us and think you're crazy that you're suggesting this book. Then another third will actually go, wow, I'm interested. And then the other third are kind of clueless, they're winging it, they're winging it, they're all over the place. These men, they want companionship, connection and sex, but they don't even know what the fuck they want because they haven't resigned it to themselves that they want a fully committed partnership. This is why it's so important to ask better questions in the early stages of dating. In fact, if you need some help and support with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me because my whole coaching practice is designed to teach you how to ask better questions right from the get go so you can avoid the wrong guys much sooner and attract much greater guys in your life and check out the link for a discovery call. All right, so how do we know someone's getting ready to leave? Folks, your gut is speaking to you all the time, your gut is speaking to you all the time. There are, any time you're feeling something off, unless you have a predisposition to constantly be in fear, if you have a predisposition to constantly be in fear, your intuition is speaking to you and it's screaming loudly. In fact, all those people that got divorced, believe me, if someone was married 15 years, 12 years earlier, they knew something was off, or maybe 15 years earlier there was something that went off, but they stayed with it. Listen, I'm all for trying to work out a relationship and I'm a big proponent of learning better communication skills. This is why lately I'm recommending these two books to you, How to Build Trust in a Relationship and Couples Communication Guide and these are tiny little books. This is, I recommend this because most of those relationships that do fail, they actually, if they had better skills, they may not have failed. That's why I wanna invite you to learn this so you can lead by example. All right, you're probably going, Jonathan, what are those seven signs? All right, we're gonna put on my trusty glasses. Here's my notes and the seven signs that he's ready to lead. Number one, he begins to argue with you more and he points out your flaws. He begins to argue with you more and he points out your flaws. When someone starts, listen, the early stage of dating is great. It's all excited because you're amped up on sex and you wanna fuck each other's brains out and it's so great and you're getting romance and all that stuff. But once the chemicals dissipate, by the way, chemistry comes from the word chemicals. Once the chemicals dissipate, what you're left with is what's the foundation of this relationship? And if it hasn't built the deep roots of trust, and by the way, that's something I also help my clients understand the deep roots of trust, the five primary roots to trust. When you've built those roots to trust, you actually have a capacity to be more emotionally intimate with each other and you have a chance to build a stronger bond. But sadly, because most women are leaning back in their feminine energy, waiting for the guy to claim them and they're all leaving it up to the guy and these guys are terrible at building real intimacy and trust, it's no wonder these relationships fail. This is why when you take initiative, when you start with radical honesty, I just got a text message from a client this morning. We spoke yesterday and she decided to be radically honest with a guy about feeling some fear with their connection. And I gave her the script to write him a text message and he wrote back and she was so floored how he was able to lean in with empathy and it actually helped build this a bit of intimacy between the two of them. But here's the thing, when intimacy hasn't been built, the foundation is weak and what starts to happen when the foundation is weak and you're feeling unsettled and you're feeling emotionally unsafe, whether it's a man or woman, they'll start arguing with you and start pointing out your flaws. Men do it, women do it as well. That's a good sign that this relationship is about ready to end. Number two, his communication when the two of you are not together becomes increasingly, increasingly, increasingly less frequent. The text and phone calls just start to, they're just further and further and further apart and that's usually a sign that he's emotionally left the relationship. Folks, you know this one, I don't even have to tell you this, okay? And that's why I get leaning back, hoping that he'll come and claim you when this happens, isn't going to work. Be direct, ask what's going on. Say the words, hey, I'd like to check in with you. I've noticed that the communication, your communication seems less frequent. Now he could give you the bullshit line that he's busy because everybody's so busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist on that one. Or he might own that he's ready to end the relationship. Better to find out sooner rather than later because leaning back isn't going to help. And you know, because if you, this relationship is over, cut to the quick much sooner. Don't lean back and wait, lean in. It's your sovereignty, it's your life. Don't leave it up to the guy. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Number three, he responds in short answers. He's curt and he's abrupt. When people start to answer curt, abrupt, curt, abrupt, short answers, that means he's not leaning into intimacy. He's not leaning into wanting to get to know you. That's a sign that he's frustrated and he doesn't know how to end it. And by the way, do you know you think about it? Men actually tend to nest in relationships. It's women that ask for divorce far more than men because men are fucking lazy. Most men, once they're, if they're basically getting their dick wet on a regular basis and getting fed a little bit, they'll stay in mediocre relationships. I'm sorry, I know that sounded cruel and gross, but I'm here to say a lot of guys, they've left the relationship before the actual relationship ends. And these are the signs when someone is curt, they're short, they're abrupt with you. Number four, he stops complimenting you. He stops complimenting you. Folks, one of the things I love to do in relationship, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I was in, listen, my marriage didn't work out and I'm gonna own, I was a, I shouldn't, I had no clue what it meant to be a husband other than the provider protector piece. I didn't know what it meant to be a husband. I knew how to pay and work and pay the bills. I'm just gonna own that piece. But once I met someone I actually was happily in relationship with, I loved complimenting her all the time. I mean, to this day, even, you know, feels like it's been a decade since I met her. I still think she's one of the most beautiful people on the planet and I love to compliment. When guys are genuinely excited and care about someone, we love to compliment. And when we start to lose interest, we stop the compliments along with the lines, we stop using the words, I love you. And you'll know when that happens, because you notice it's not being reciprocated and that's a good sign he's emotionally left the relationship. Okay? Number five, he starts saying how busy he is. He's busy, busy, busy. Everybody's so fucking busy. Busy is just an excuse for I just not that into you and I'm getting ready to leave. And number six, he stops talking about the future with you. Look at, we all, we guys, we start the conversation of how we cut and paste you into our lives as Alison Armstrong talks about. I call it trying it on for size. But when a guy starts talking about future stuff, that's a good sign he's emotionally left the relationship. And number seven, he hints, and this isn't actually a hint. He literally says, I'm not ready for anything serious. When a guy starts to say that, that's a clear sign this guy enjoys your company, he enjoys your vagina, maybe not even enjoys it. He experiences your company, he experiences your vagina. And that's about it. And somehow he's content with that and I want you all to seek something different. Folks, look it. Most men, as I said before, are good guys, okay? And at midlife, this becomes increasingly more challenging as I said before, because we're meeting total strangers. It requires a new dance in the dating, mating or relating process. This is why I'm such a big proponent of women being an active participant in the process and treating the dating process as a two lane street instead of the expectation-based way of dating, the rules-based way of dating, the rules fucked it up for you ladies because it created so many of you prima donnas out there by playing games. And if you really wanna change your narrative and if you really wanna attract a great guy in your life, then I highly recommend reading this book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, because this throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and gets to the heart of what a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship can look like. And I promise you, if you read the books I recommend, you'll start to notice a shift in your experiences. And just like, I mean, I can't tell you how many calls I get every week or every other week from a client who's worked with me. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and they know the difference. Folks, there are good men out there. Most men are dysfunctional, just like most women are dysfunctional. Most everybody is dysfunctional. Yes, there's the clinical issue. People that's men and women alike. And there's a good percentage of people that just need a little bit of help. And folks, I'm here to say, when you meet a good guy, guide him down the process by reading from these books and introducing this, because when you introduce it to the right guy, he's gonna go, thank God, because he has no clue how to do it and you made it simple. Men are good at following instructions. If they like you, they will follow your instructions and I get phone call and messages from women who are doing what I recommend by introducing the book Eight Dates in the conversation and it is changing their life. And that's what I wanna have happen for you. So you don't find yourself with a guy who's moving slow and he's getting ready to leave. Let's tee it up so you attract better men right from the get go. Are you with me? Can I get an amen? All right. I hope you found value in the seven signs. He's moving slow and he's getting ready to leave. Now it's time for the live Q and A. If you're watching the live stream right now, there's a chat box in there and in that chat box, you can post a question of me, write the word question, post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. If you purchase a super sticker, super chat, all of the funds go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. There's a picture of my son, Connor with my father there. Connor's my son who passed away a few years ago. And in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to help defray the cost of personal development for those who need it and also to donate to the personal development charities that I think make a difference in the world and that includes the Hoffman process and insight seminar. So check out the link schedule or purchase a super sticker, super chat. By the way, really quickly, if you're listening to the audio portion of this, you won't be able to see any of this. So, but you're certainly welcome to donate at any time. All right, let's get started with the Q&A. Now, before I do, I have a couple of announcements. Now, you might notice my T-shirt. My T-shirt says, my opinion offend you, you should hear what I keep to myself. Folks, the last few days I've had some trolls, I've had some people share some very mean things towards me. And I'm very blessed because 99.9% of the comments on my YouTube channel and my other social media forums is a lot of love from all of you. It's a lot of love from all of you. And I am so grateful from the bottom of my heart for all the love, kindness and acknowledgement that this is making a difference. I'm getting emails, I'm getting letters in the mail, I'm getting so many comments from women telling me how much my channel is making a difference, not just in their dating life, but in their emotional life because I recommend so many great resources to change your life. And so I'm grateful for that. And yet, okay, my father, there's a picture of my father right there, 96 years old on Christmas Eve, he had a fall and broke his leg. And I mean, I was scared, I was scared. And I mean, coming off of losing my son and losing my mother, there's a picture of my mother and father right there. You know, I'm a human being, I'm tender just like anyone else. And as much as I do my best to, as my coffee mug says, let that shit go, let that shit go, it hurts when someone is mean. I'm sure you've experienced mean people before and as well. And so I'm here to say, and the irony is, these are people who come across as so self-righteous. And so they claim to be loving human beings. How can a loving human being be mean to another human being intentionally, intentionally? To write something in a comment, intentionally is being intentionally mean. Believe me, I have said stupid things that was mean to someone unintentionally. I'm not talking about unintentional meanness, I'm talking about direct meanness where you're, and listen, I have no problem someone criticizing my opinions or when I say criticizing my opinions when you attack someone personally, that is mean. And as much as I try to adopt, by the way, when I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Up in Spiritual Work. Chapter five is called, Don't Let Anyone Fuck With Your Cheat. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. This was written after my son Connor. My son Connor had this capacity to not let people bother him. Now, I don't know if that was an avoidance mechanism or he just literally had such a divine essence with him that didn't let him bother him. I actually have thinner skin, it does hurt my feelings. Now, I know some of the trolls will take advantage, hearing this right now, some of them will take advantage and be meaner. This is why I was chatting with one of the members talking about how the only thing to do when someone is mean is to send them love because hurt people hurt others. I'm gonna repeat that, hurt people hurt others. And while inside I might be cursing them out on the outside, I learned the rule, praise publicly, criticize in private. And so I'm gonna send energetic love to those who choose to intentionally want to hurt me. And I invite all of you to do the same. When you see someone attack me, don't attack them, kill them with kindness. And I don't even like saying the word kill them with kindness, but I mean it from the perspective of just be ridiculously kind to them because these are people who are genuinely hurting on the inside. Thankfully, I have a blessed life and I'm blessed for all of the love and support I get from you. So from my overfill, I send love to those who don't have it. And that's my invitation for every one of you. And especially when it comes to men in particular. And by the way, let me say this, ladies, you have a capacity to complain about male behavior. I get it, you're frustrated, but all that's going to do is attract more unhealthy behavior in your life rather than pointing the finger at the problem with the dating process being men. Focus on loving on yourself. Be that your focus. Allow you to be in your sovereignty, your self worth, your self esteem, your self reliance, your self love because that is the antidote. That is the antidote to inner suffering. And if you want a vaccination to emotional chaos, begin reading these books and by the way, at the end of my book, I list all these great books you should be reading. And by the way, I know, by the way, someone made a comment earlier, Jonathan, you keep repeating yourself. You repeat yourself. Folks, there's a saying, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. The reason why I repeat myself over and over and over again in most of my videos is because this is a practice. It takes years to peel the bullshit that we've all accumulated. Our negative patterns are limiting beliefs in our lives. The traumas, whether it childhood wounds or adult wounds, it takes daily practice, but more people would rather spend, people will spend three hours on this all day long than spending 15 minutes reading a book. And you wonder why it's all fucked up right now? Because actual personal development, self-help and spiritual work is so limited by so many people. And I hope to be a channel to encourage it more and more for everyone else. So bringing back to full circle. If my opinion offended you, you should hear what I say to myself. Publicly, I'm gonna give you tons of kindness. Privately, I might say fuck you, okay? But that's my own little kid being hurt, okay? The adult in me. That's what I want everyone to show up as an adult. Folks, if you really wanna change your life by this book, how to be an adult in relationship because we have a lot of fucking children out there in the dating, mating and relating realm. And I'm talking about women just like men. There's just as many little boys and little girls out there emotionally, which is making it much difficult. So thank you for allowing me to rant right now. That was just me getting it off my chest. I really appreciate it. From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you and give you all a big, gigantic shot and bear hug of appreciation. Thanks so much. All right, let's go swimming and hear what you have to say. All right. Kath says, question. Why my ex contacted me again and he was moving very slow. If he's not interested, why did he contact me? Great question. Why do guys reach out if they're really not ready for a fully committed relationship? So I wanna tell you the story that I observed some years ago. My son, Colin and I was, there's a picture of Colin right there. Those are my siblings as well. Colin and I, one year, he wanted to get this video game called Halo, I think it was or I think it was Halo. And we had to wait in line until midnight when it was being distributed at the store. And we were there for five or six hours before the doors opened for this game. And I remember when he got the game, he was so excited, he played it and played it and played it. And then the next video game came out. And he had to get that one, we waited in line to get that one. I said, what happened to Halo? He goes, it's on the shelf. I'm like, okay. A few months later, I go, which game are you playing these days? He goes, I picked up Halo. And I'm like, and I was curious, and I thought to myself, why did he do that? Do you know why? Because it was on the shelf. He could easily pick it up and put it in the game. When somebody has connected with another human being, we often these days can treat people very disposable, like we can go back to the well whenever we want. Folks, I'm here to say, if a relationship doesn't work out, really examine why it doesn't work out and ask yourself, don't care about why he's interested in getting back. Ask yourself, why would you allow this person back in your life? What significant things have changed? And I'm gonna tell you something. It takes years to shift emotional baggage. It takes sometimes decades to shift emotional baggage. A guy can't go to a one week seminar and all of a sudden be going, ah, I'm healed, that doesn't happen. So rather than caring why he goes back and the reason why he goes back, it's because you're easily being, he can pick you out of the shelf. Women do this, men do this, okay? Who gives a shit why? What matters most is, what are you gonna do about it? And best what? If he wants your vagina again, then why not read this book, eight dates? Read this book if he wants your vagina again and make him wait a couple months. If he's really that interested in getting back to you, read this book together. I know he won't because he's not really interested in a relationship. He just wants to use the video game that's sitting on the shelf. At least that's my perception anyway. Kat, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. By the way, Eula says, repeat practice makes progress. Keep repeating your message. Thank you so much, by the way. All right, let's go swim in. All right. Emma says, you're amazing in spitting facts. The trolls are just jealous or triggered by it and went out of their way to comment. That's how impactful your work is. Thank you so much, Emma, I appreciate it. All right, do we have any questions? Let's go. Here we go from Blue-eyed Wolf. I haven't seen you in a while, Blue-eyed Wolf. Question, what was the high-power job that you had and lost and did you at that time have any interest in dating personal development themes? Okay, great question. So folks, after my divorce, shortly after my divorce, or when my ex-wife and I split up, I lost my quarter million dollar a year job. I was a corporate insurance broker doing workers comp property, general liability, auto, that sort of thing for businesses. I mean, the average premiums my clients were spending between a hundred thousand and millions of dollars a year. And I didn't lose my job per se. What happened was they shut down my division. I was emotionally distraught. I was going through divorce. The market crash was happening. I just had to get out when after they closed my division down. So now my drug of choice for the longest time, drug of choice was online dating. I was addicted to online dating after my wife and I split up. I was addicted to talking to women on the phone. I was talking for hours upon hours upon hours. I didn't realize at that time that that was therapy for me. By the way, when guys talk incessantly on the phone, what you've done is become his therapist. Women do this, men do this. So I was talking to all these women but what was interesting was happening is many of the women were reaching out to me. I was making friends with so many women. They were asking my advice on their dating profiles to help them improve their dating profiles. So what happened then is the movie The Secret had come out a few years earlier and when I watched it, it brought back a ton of memories from 10 years earlier. When I read the book, you can heal your life by Louise Hay. You can heal your life by Louise Hay. Hay House, by the way. I remember reading that book 10 years or years before I got married and then once I met my spouse, I discontinued any of, that was called metaphysics back then but I discontinued any personal development, self-help and spiritual practice until the movie The Secret came out. And when that came out, oh my God, it was like the light bulb went out and then I became thirsty to wanna understand personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And then it was the Tony Robbins CDs and then there was Wayne Dyer and then there was Abraham Hicks. Does anybody know Abraham Hicks? I love Esther Hicks. I've seen her live a few times. Oh my God. And talk about repetition. She repeats herself over and over and over and over again. And it was through that that I began to heal and what was interesting is I used to make my boys listen to these CDs, both the Tony Robbins and Abraham Hicks CDs in the car when we were driving places. And I have to believe that had an impact on both of them because they used to actually tell me how much they appreciated listening to those CDs in their mom's car. They listened to rap music in my car. They were listening to personal development when they were young. And so bringing it back to your original question, what changed for me? What happened was I lost my corporate insurance job and during the midst of my depression, if you will. And by the way, I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up. That's how bad it got. But in my depression, I found my way out and it was through this work. It was through this work. In fact, one of the books I read was called, coming back to the people, the trolls that were talking, one of the books I read was called, shut up, stop whining and get a life by Larry Wingett. Shut up, stop whining, get a life. I love this book. Oh my God. Because folks, the reason why I curse, instead of, I'm not a spiritual guru that's gonna do it all Maharaja style. I'm kind of like Larry Wingett. I'm in your face style, okay? Because honestly, I find human beings ridiculously fascinating. I find human behavior absolutely fascinating and absurd. I think another reason why I'm laughing is because the absurdity of the insanity of human beings is comical. I mean, it's sadly comical. It's sadly comical. And by the way, here in the United States, we are suffering a huge divide amongst people which is sad, comical, and disturbing at the same time. Which makes it very difficult to be mated these days. I mean, we literally are in an environment of red and blue, black and white, right and wrong, gender this, masculine feminine, all this stuff. And it is until we get centered to our heart until we can actually, as Marianne Williamson says, return to love, return to love. By the way, if you've never read this book or purchased the CD, it is brilliant. It is brilliant. It is brilliant as a way to return back to who we divinely are, and that is loving human beings. And that's why coming back to a few more books, I'm gonna recommend again the subtle art of not giving a fuck, because you know what? It is absurd, comical, distressing at the same time. And what's most important is your individual sanity and your individual inner peace. And hopefully by doing all this work, you assemble a bit of inner peace. Are you with me? If you are, please give me an amen. Thank you so much. And thank you for that question. I know it was a roundabout way blue-eyed to get to your question of how I got to where I'm at. So thank you very much. All right, let's keep swimming. Let's see what we have here. Woof, got lots of comments. We've got Vivian saying amen. We have Teresa saying amen. Colleen says, stop watching. Oops, where does Colleen say stop watching mainstream media? Oh, it didn't come up. Anyway, let's see what question. Elizabeth writes, question. What do I do as soon as my love becomes vulnerable with me? What do I do? I love this question. Folks, it takes a tremendous amount of courage for a man to be vulnerable, authentic, and transparent with a woman. I'm gonna repeat, that takes a tremendous amount of courage to be that, vulnerable, authentic, and transparent. My recommendation is to listen carefully, active listening, allow him to speak. And what you can do is acknowledge what he says to you. So man could simply say something like this. Let's have our Elizabeth. Elizabeth, I just want you to know I'm feeling a little scared right now. I lost quite a bit of money in the market crash of 2008 and I'd lost my big job. And I no longer feel like a provider protector anymore. Now that's not to say that I can't take care of myself. And yet I know women have a capacity to have an expectation around men taking care of them. And I want you to know I genuinely appreciate you like you, but I just want you to know I have this fear that I may not be able to be that for you. And my hope is that doesn't make you run away, that doesn't make you scared because I'm not a weak human being. I'm actually a very strong human being. And so my hope is you can look past the surface and see who I am as a person. And I'm fully committed to this relationship with you. If he says, and I know I just, by the way, this is coming from my own lips. But why I'm sharing this with you is that's an example of vulnerability. You can judge him for it, you can criticize him for it, you can shame him for it. Those are all things you can do. Or you can simply say these words, thank you, thank you. I appreciate that you were vulnerable with me. I appreciate you were authentic with me and I appreciate you were transparent with me. And I can't begin to tell you how much this makes me want to become closer to you because I believe true love happens through intimacy and intimacy means into me you see, into me you see, into me you see. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out. There's a distressing lack of emotional intimacy in relationship these days. And what Elizabeth just shared and what I expressed was an example of how someone is vulnerable and how you could respond by thanking him and appreciating his efforts. And by the way, when a man feels emotionally safe with a woman, he bonds with her. He's addicted to her. He wants to commit to her. He bonds with her. He gets addicted to her. He wants to commit to her. So just being gratitude when a man is vulnerable, authentic and transparent with you. Thank you so much for that question Elizabeth. I really appreciate it. That was a great question. Thank you so much. Big hugs to you. All right. We got time for a few more questions. Kelly writes, I have a disability of leaving the conversation, I have a disability of leaving the conversation when it gets too intimate. I have a disability. I don't think that's what you mean. So it's very common for humans to feel uncomfortable to feel uncomfortable during difficult conversations. It's very common. In fact, most people run from difficult conversations. And what that is saying for the person that feels uncomfortable for difficult conversations is that there's more work to be done internally. This is why I continually recommend everybody getting the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. This helps with a deep dive of healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas to help you actually lean into becoming a more fully evolved, conscious, awakened human being. And when you do the work for yourself, when you can feel comfortable in your own skin, you'll be more likely to be able to handle, address those difficult conversations. So my invitation for you is to do the personal development work for yourself so you can actually lean into those more challenging conversations. I hope that helps. So thank you so much. Oops. All right. Let's see what else we have here. By the way, is this making a difference? Is this helping? Please let me know. All right. We're gonna scroll through here. Elizabeth says, Jonathan, thank you. You have a heart of gold. Your answer is awesome. I am so happy to hear that. Thank you so much. Colleen writes, I'm not on any dating sites and I have a little bit of fear. Can you give me any feedback, especially now? Okay. So your fear is very natural. Okay. Your fear is very natural. These devices can be very scary. And at the same time, they can be incredible tools because the beauty of this is you can actually interrogate a guy before you ever meet him. Think about it. When you meet someone organically, it's like, oh, it sounds great because you know whether or not you're physically attracted to one another. That's the hard part of a first date. The first date is the sniff test. It's a sniff test. You're sniffing each other to see if you wanna see each other another time. But the hard part is, is actually determining true compatibility. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, where is it? It's here, my relationship iceberg chart. Here it is. Above the waterline is attraction, which is chemistry. And below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Did you realize that you can ask questions before you meet someone to determine shared values? And if your lifestyles are blendable, I mean, it's hard to determine emotional maturity through a few questions, but you can weed out a bunch of people much faster on the dating sites than you can ever do organically. In fact, the organic way is the hard, let me give you an example. I think back to about a decade ago. I was at, it was St. Patrick's Day. I was at a bar with a couple of guy friends of mine. And I saw this table of women across from me. And I was, one woman was just staring at me. And I'm looking at her and she's looking at me and I'm looking at her and she's looking at me and I'm looking at her and she's looking at me. And this went on for an hour before I had the balls to walk up to her. Now, mind you, I know nothing about her. And I'm in my mid 40s at this time. And as I'm talking to her, I go, how old are you? And it turned out she was 28 years old. I go, ever married with children? She goes, no, do you want children? She says, yeah. And I go, thank you, have a nice life because I'm done having children. I mean, I literally, so I spent all that time looking at her, looking at her, looking at her, looking at her, looking at her. Then it took me the courage to walk up here to determine we were incompatible. I do not want to have children. I can't even have children anymore. And if this person wants to start a family, and by the way, I didn't know her age. She could have been 40 or 28 for all I know when I talked to her. But my point in sharing this is you can get a few of your deal breakers out of the way through these devices that you wouldn't otherwise be able to do organically or in real life. So, Colleen, I'm just gonna say to you this, you can actually use it to your benefit. And if you need some support with that, check out a link to a discovery call with me. I can teach you how to, if you want to work with a coach, I can teach you how to ask those questions to determine compatibility right from the get-go. So you don't waste your, and not that I wasted my time, but I mean, I spent an hour back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And then when I walked up and we started to talk, it was just, she's not the right person for me. And we chatted for a little bit longer and then I moved on because I also don't need to make a hundred new friends in my life. How many of us need a hundred new friends in our life? I want, I think you're like me. You want your life partner in your life. You want your soulmate in your life. So cut to the quick sooner, rather than wasting your time believing that the organic way is the best way, because organic strangers aren't take much longer to vet than those that you can over the phone. Anyway, that's my invitation for you. All right, Colleen, thank you so much for that one. This will be our last question of the night, I think, from Kira. Question, how many times guys come on really strong at first, feel that we as women are the ones who have to keep their feet on the ground? How do we do that without killing the vibe or turning them off? All right, great question, Kira. Here's an old saying, men are the gas, women are the brakes. So, men who come on strong physically and sexually that's a good sign they're not ready for a serious relationship. Let's just put it bluntly, that's a good sign. Look it, I can certainly be amorous with someone that I meet for the first time. When I mean amorous, I could be physically flirtatious, but there's a difference between fully coming on strong and leading with sexuality versus genuinely wanna get to know you and wanting a little bit of flirtation, kissing, touching that sort of thing. So you have to be a detective, you have to be a detective and you have to ask yourself, does this guy just want my vagina or does he wanna get to know who I am as a person? If he's genuinely wanting to get to know you as a person, then you can just simply don't put yourself in an environment, like going back to your home or drinking too much, because if you don't drink too much and you don't go back to his home or you don't bring him back to your home, you'll get to see him another time. Unless he's pushing you to the bedroom and if guys who do that, look at the me too right now. I mean, hopefully guys aren't doing it in a unhealthy way. Is there such a healthy way to do that? I don't know, I'll have to think about that one for a second, but you'll know the difference. And if a guy is coming on too strong and he's focused on sex, kick him to the curb because that guy most likely isn't serious about wanting a relationship. Kira, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, Colleen says, I really appreciate your input regarding the dating sites. Thank you so much. All right, folks, well, I think this will be a great place to wrap up for the day. Hold on one second. Again, you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat before we wrap up to give to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. I'd be so grateful for that. As always, I hope you found value in this just to remind you those seven signs he's ready to leave the relationship really quickly. He begins to argue with you more and he points out your flaws. His communication becomes increasingly less frequent. Number three, he responds to you in short answers. He's curt and he's abrupt. He stops complimenting you as number four. He starts saying how busy he is, number five. He stops talking about the future with you, number six. And lastly, he simply says, I'm not looking for a serious relationship. That's a good sign he's ready to leave. Again, I hope you found value in this. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. I do my best to read them all. For those trolls that want to say something negative to me, I'm going to send you some love. If you got this far, and if not, I'm still going to send you love. If you, again, if you found value in this, please tell your friends about my channel. Please send your these videos. Please hit that like button. And if you'd like some love and support, check out the links to the discovery call, my podcasts, my books, or if you want to follow me on Instagram. I'm going to wrap up this evening as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic, Jotham Barak of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Kelly and Colleen and Kira and Kat and Susie and Vivian and Teresa and Natalie and Julia. Thank you for the $2 super sticker. I appreciate that. Everyone, I want to wish you a fantastic weekend or week. Take care. Bye now.