 The Grape Nuts Flakes Program, coming to you from the Naval Air Station at Terminal Island, California, and starring Jack Benny, with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Jingle Friends, entitled Reveille on the Home Front. Four bowls of Grape Nuts Flakes, tempting as can be. Father came downstairs, then there were three. Three bowls of Grape Nuts Flakes, still quite a few. Sister spied her bowl, and then there were two. Two bowls of Grape Nuts Flakes. Say, this is fun. Rather grabbed his bowl, then there was one. One bowl of Grape Nuts Flakes, sitting all alone. Mother claimed that, and then there were none. Yes, that's the way Grape Nuts Flakes disappear when you serve them for breakfast, thanks to that distinctive, multi-rich flavor. Your favorite Grape Nuts flavor in toasty brown flake form. So for a breakfast treat, tops for its delicious flavor, make it Grape Nuts Flakes, America's fastest-growing breakfast cereal. Now, ladies and gentlemen, from the Naval Air Station at Terminal Island, we bring you a former member of the United States Navy. That's right. The first man to shout hooray when John Paul Jones said, I have not yet begun to fight, Jack Benny. Yes, sir. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Who is that guy? Hello again. This is Jack Benny coming to you from Terminal Island. Terminal Island meaning a body of land entirely surrounded by fish. And Don, Don, you're a little wrong on that introduction. I wasn't with John Paul Jones. That was my grandfather, Popeye Benny. Popeye. Oh, like Popeye the Sailor, huh? No, no. Just plain Popeye. He had a head like a halibut. He was a gay old dog, though. Well, was your father in the Navy, too? My dad? No, no, Don. He was a very poor sailor. In fact, he had portholes cut in the bathtub in case he got seasick. The old man really suffered, you know. But so much for the nautical bendies. Let's get out of the show. No, no, this is very interesting. Tell me, Jack, you served during the First World War. How did you happen to join the Navy? My hat flew into a recruiting station. The next thing I knew, I was swabbing decks on the USS Idaho. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Is it nice here at Terminal Island? Yes, it is, Mary. There's a fine view of the harbor, very modern barracks. And over there to the west, there are several fish canneries. No kidding. Fish canneries? Yes. Oh, is that it? I thought it was the program. Well, it's not. It's mostly mackerel. This program's okay. That reminds me. You sure were pretty stupid on the take-it-or-leave-it show the other night. What do you mean stupid? I answered nearly everything Phil Baker asked me. Mary's right, Jackson. Oh, did you hear that show, Phil? Yeah, and when you fluffed on that $64 question, you embarrassed me frightfully. I, I embarrassed you? Why, certainly. You know, we're associated on the radio. And naturally, when you make a fool of yourself, it's, uh, it's, uh, what's this word here? Derogatory. It's derogatory to me. Phil, I'd give a thousand dollars if my tires were as thick as your head. Anyway, that last question Phil Baker threw at me was plenty tough. What was it, Jack? Well, uh, Phil Baker asked Jack to name at least 37 composers that try to finish Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Oh, and Jackson couldn't even name one of them. So what, could you name one? Yes, I could. Would you like to make a little bet on that, say 50 bucks? You're done right, I would. Well, go find a sucker. Don't bother me. You're upset losing all that money? Not right at the moment, Don, but later that night before I went to bed, I noticed a rope around my neck. It was a, it was a close call. Now let's forget about me and have a band number for all these navy boys. By the way, Jack, how come you didn't wear your sailor suit down here today? You told me you were going to. Oh, it slipped my mind, I guess. It slipped your mind nothing. Tell him what happened. Oh, forget it. No, no. Tell us what happened, Murray. Well, Jack hadn't worn his uniform for about 10 years. Oh. So he opened the closet door, made a grab for his sailor suit, and the moths knocked him cold with a coat hanger. Somebody's been feeding those moths meat. They couldn't get that tough on wool. No, sir. Now, wait a minute, Jackson, that's unbelievable. Moths ain't that vicious. They're not, eh? One big fella zoomed right down on my nose, looked me straight in the eye and said, I'm looking for Rommel. Which way did he go? Now that, that gives you an idea. All right, Phil, let's have your number. Well, say, Mr. Benny. Well, hello, Dennis. You're a little late, kid. Well, I couldn't help it. I brought my girlfriend down here on my motorcycle and she bounced off three times. Bounced off? It takes time to keep going back for her, you know. Well, for goodness sake, if your girl kept bouncing off the motorcycle, why didn't you let her put her arm around you? Not me. I don't want to get married. You don't have to get married. Just let her hang on to you. Now, Phil. That's the way things start, brother. Dennis. Now, Phil. Say, I'd like to have you meet my new flame, Mr. Benny. She's a little black and blue, but awfully cute. Well, I'll meet her right after the program, kid. Play, Phil. Meet his girl. I can imagine any girl that would go out with Dennis. Would you like to meet my girl now, Mr. Benny? Not now, Dennis. That was a short version of Mr. Five by Five played by Phil Harrison, his auction. Phil, you handle that swell. In fact, you're a better band leader than Tommy Dorsey, Paul Whiteman, and Andre Castellanis put together. Jackson, you're pumping oil. I know what I'm doing. All right, Don. Dorsey, Whiteman, and Castellanis. Now, go ahead. Oh, Jack, not this year. Please. This is a very good commercial. Let's go. Oh, very well. But I'll hate myself in the morning. Ladies and gentlemen, at breakfast time tomorrow, I want you to go into your kitchen and open your cupboard, Dorsey. There's Dorsey. Dorsey. That's Dorsey. Now, Whiteman. That's Whiteman. Don't give it away. This is terrific, folks. And take out a package of grape nut flakes. Grape nut flakes are a whole grain cereal and contain iron, niacin, and Whiteman B1. Good, old Paul. Now, the last one, Don. Castellanis. Jack, I will not do it. Don. Castellanis. Oh, all right. Grape nut flakes are inexpensive and do not castellanis money. You can't poo-gap to me. Poo-gap. Now you spoiled it. You spoiled one of the cleverest ideas I ever thought of. No kidding, Jack. Did you think that up all by yourself? Yes, ma'am. You mean nobody helped you even one teeny bit? No. It was my own little idea. Hold my coat, fellas. I'm going to let him have it. Mary, control yourself. Well, how about it, Mr. Benny? My girl is out in the hall. Do you want to meet her or not? I told you I'd meet her after the show. Oh, Jack, be polite to the kid. All right, all right. I'll meet her. What's your girl's name, Dennis? Dorothy Lamour. Always bringing it. What? Dorothy Lamour? Yeah, she's a nice kid. She won't get in the way, Mr. Benny. Dorothy Lamour will bring her in, Dennis. Bring her in. Come on in, Dottie. Well, I'll be darned. It's really her. Hey, Dorothy, this is a surprise. Oh, didn't Dennis tell you I was here? Yes, he said his girl, but I never dreamed it was you. Gee whiz. Dorothy Lamour. Isn't she cute? She ought to be in pictures. Oh, for Pete's sake, Dennis, she is in pictures. So am I, but who knows it? What a kid. Dorothy, I can't imagine a delicate, lovely creature like you riding all the way down here on the back of a motorcycle. Well, women have changed since you were a boy, Jack. I know. I know, but a motorcycle. Dennis told me you bounced off three times. Four. One time he didn't know it, and I had to cut across a field to catch him. Gee, and you're not even out of breath. But Dorothy, here's what I can't understand. How do you happen to be going around with Dennis' day of all people? Oh, why not? Dennis is very good-looking, and he has a tremendous amount of Savoie fair. Savoie fair? What's that? Whatever it is, you could use it. Is that so? By the way, Dorothy, you know Mary Livingston, don't you? Sure. Hello, Mary. I like your new hairdo. It's very becoming. Thanks, Dottie. I was noticing your hair, too. It's lovely. I worked all morning on mine, and nobody even mentions it. Well, that's life, Phil. And Dorothy, Dorothy, you know Phil Harris, our band leader. Hiya, Dottie. Hello. Phil, how's Alice? Alice who? Alice Faye, your wife. How is she? Oh, she's fine, Dottie. Thanks. Hmm. That is amazing, isn't it? That is amazing. I can't understand it. Dorothy, Dorothy Lamour going with, with Dennis' day. Why, Dorothy, I've asked you a hundred times to go out with me, and nothing ever happens. Well, why don't you put a nickel on the phone sometime? You carry a pigeon, never finds my house. That's news to me. I know it found head of Hopper's house, because she's wearing the bird on her hat. But, say, Dorothy, I don't know if it laughed at that. I thought it was just for us, you know? Dorothy, you just finished Road to Morocco with Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, didn't you? Yep. We've been on more roads than a Burma Shave sign. Well, Dorothy, how do you like working with Bing and Bob? Are they really such cut-ups? Yes, but when it comes to SA, I'll take Dennis. SA, what the heck is that? Sex appeal! Be happy! Now, how about your song, Dennis? Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I will now sing Dearly Beloved, and I dedicate it to Miss Dorothy Lamour, who can ride on my motorcycle anytime she wants to. Gee, I, I can't get over it. Oh, Dottie, sit here by me, will you, honey? Well, I was going to sit over there with Mary. You sit by me like I asked you to. All right, darling, all right. I can't get over it. What's happened? Oh, well, sing, Dennis. Answer the phone, Dottie. I'll answer it. What's the matter with you? Hello? Hello, Mr. Bimmie, this is Rochester. Rochester, what do you want? Horse, you know that horse you bought last week for $10? Uh, Leona, what about her? She's crazy. She don't even know she's a horse. What are you talking about? Well, I pulled the buggy out of the garage to hitch her up, and then I had to leave for a second. Yes? And when I came back, she was sitting in it. Leona was, Leona was sitting in the buggy? Not only that, she's got her mane combed over when I like Veronica Lake. Now, Rochester, you get Leona hitched up. I want you to meet me at the Santa Fe bus station when I come in and be on time. You know, a horse and buggy doesn't travel as fast as my Maxwell. Oh, boss, come now. Well, it doesn't. Now get Leona out of that buggy. Yes, but how? It's very simple. Put some oats in her feed bag, put the bag on the ground, and when she jumps out, grab her by the tail. I did grab her by the tail. And what happened? It must be a spare, boss. It comes off. You put that tail right back where you found it. Now, Rochester, I'll be home later and see what I can do. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hmm, you think that for 10 bucks, I could get a horse with a permanent tail. Sing, Dennis. Come here, buddy. Hung by Dennis' day and dedicated to his girl, Dorothy Lamour. I can't understand it. And now, folks. Did you like it, sweetheart? Oh, yes, it was a warning. I can't understand it. I just can't. Oh, Jack, just because you don't know any pretty girls is no reason Dennis shouldn't. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't know any pretty girls? No, you don't. What about Jinx Beaver Bush? What's wrong with her? She's got teeth like a beaver and hair like a bush. Yes. Oh, her teeth don't stick out so far. Go on. She's the only girl I know who can eat corn through a tennis racket. That I'd have to see. Nuts. I mean, now let's get on with our show. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight, the Benny, if you like us, tell your friends. If not, the enemy is listening players. We'll present a sequel to the sketch we did last week. Take it, Mr. Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, this week we again return to the little cottage of Mr. and Mrs. Oglethorpe J. Twink. Mrs. Twink is a welder on the night shift at the California Shipbuilding Corporation. And Mr. Twink takes care of their little home. It's no fun either, slaving over a hot stove every day. The time, 7 a.m. Saturday morning. The scene, the Twink cottage. Curtain, music. Oh, dear. I hope I get these dishes done before Clarabel gets home from the shipyard. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know, where treetops are gleason and girly's leason. Well, here are the twins, Joe and Josephine. Hello, Joe. Hello, Dowdy. Hello, Josephine. Hello, Daddy. Well, it's a living Dorothy. Quiet. Well, kiddies, your mom will be home from the plant pretty soon and take us all out. It's payday. Oh, are we going to get boiled, diode-y? No, we're going shopping. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like... Help me with these dishes, Joe. Okay. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know. Oh, shut up. Oh, shut up. Well, it's Clarabel. Hello, dear. Hello, Ogilfarf. Who are these characters? Those are our kids. Joe and Josephine. Oh, yeah. Well, it's payday, dear. Give me my allowance. You got your allowance. Yesterday, when I was asleep, you went through my overalls. So what? I got a screwdriver, three bolts, and a bag of bull Durham. I got to have money for some clothes, darling. Look how nice Mrs. LaRoy next door keeps her husband dressed. Well, I've got a surprise for you, dear. We're all going shopping, and I'm going to buy you everything you need. Oh, goody. Come on, children. Come on, Clarabel. We're all going downtown. Boy, a new outfit. What are you going to buy me first, Clarabel? It's up to you. What do you want, dear? Well, I would like to have another pair of shoes. Oh, there's a nice pair, dear. Dr. Krobeny's foot girdles. And they're only $4.75. Give me the money. Here you are. Uh, wait a minute, Olga Faw. Yes, dear? Don't you think it'd be much nicer if you took this $4.75 and bought war stamps instead? Stamps for my feet? Gee, that wouldn't be. Oh, oh, you mean war stamps? Well, I had my heart set on new shoes. I'm sorry. You'll just have to make the old ones do. Now, what else do you want, dear? Well, I could use a new pipe. My old one has so many holes in the stem that every time I pop it plays, I'm a ding-dong daddy from Dooma. Oh, here's a pipe for $2, dear. Give me the money. Oh, just a minute, Olga. You don't really need that pipe. Don't you think it'd be better to take the same $2 and invest it in some more war stamps? Yes, darling, but I wanted a new pipe. Well, you'll just have to make the old one do. Okay, I guess you're right, dear. Come on. Wow, look at that pretty girl modeling lingerie. Isn't she gorgeous? Sorry, daddy, you'll just have to make the old one do. Joe, behave. Mama, I want a nice cream cone. I'll buy you a war stamp. You're going to look glass. Okay, make it vanilla. Now, let's see. What else do I... Where are you going, dear? Oglethorpe, you wait here for me. I'm going to take the twins upstairs and let them look at the toys. Okay, Clarabelle. I'll be right back. Here, hold my purse and don't lose it. All right, dear. Come on, children. Goodbye, daddy. Goodbye, dad, with these, you old wolf. Well, all I can do is wait for them, I guess. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas just like this. Gee, I've got Clarabelle's purse and it's full of money. Just like the ones I used to know. Hey, why don't I take this money and and buy something for myself while she's upstairs? Yes, sir, I'll do it. I'll buy everything I want right now. Just a minute, Oglethorpe twink. You're not buying anything for yourself. What? Who are you? I am your conscience. My conscience? Gee, I haven't seen you since the Del Mar racetrack closed. Anyway, why do you always come around when I want to do something? I'm always turning up just like Eddie Rickenbacker. Well, listen, conscience, Clarabelle's making a lot of money and I don't see why I shouldn't spend it. A lot of people make money now, but if they're not careful how they spend it, we'll have inflation. Gee, gee, I never thought of that. What should I do? See that pretty girl in that booth over there? Yes. That's Dorothy Lemour and she's selling war bonds. Now you go over there and buy one. Okay, okay, don't push me. I'll buy a bond. Oh, Miss Lemour, Miss Lemour. What can I do for you? I've got $18.75 here and I'd like to buy a war bond. Here you are. Well, you know, with every war bond I sell today, I'm giving away a great big kiss. All right, give me one. You stay out of this. All right, Miss Lemour, I'm ready for that kiss. Let me have it. Okay, hang on tight. Another one, you're on the floor now. Give me one for my conscience. No thanks. I'm all in too. We bought a war bond, dear, me and my conscience. She sends her husband off to work without a substantial breakfast. Still a recent checkup at a large western war plant revealed two out of five workers arrived at work without any breakfast at all. The result decreased production. Now that's a brand of sabotage you can prevent by serving your men folks a real man-sized bowl full of delicious toasty brown grape nut flakes at breakfast. This program was for the entertainment of personnel at the Naval Air Station, Terminal Island, California and does not constitute an endorsement of this product by the Navy Department. Package of grape nut sweetmeal, please. Sweetmeal tastes well? You bet for that grape nut sweetmeal is rich with the goodness of fresh roasted wheat. And my mom says it's good for you. That's right, grape nut sweetmeal is a whole grain hot cereal and it cooks in three minutes flat. Folks, you'll love tempting hot brown grape nut sweetmeal by a package tomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company.