 sex is a combination of pleasure ego and um and just like authenticity so you need that ego pleased and the only way you're gonna get that ego pleased fully is when you know that she had a good time too or when you know that he had a good time too what's going on everybody i am popping in to let you know that this video is sponsored by Squarespace from websites to online stores to marketing tools and analytics Squarespace is the all-in-one platform to build a powerful beautiful online presence today and run that business you've been wanting to start so if you haven't checked them out go over to squarespace.com slash shan booty and start playing around for free and when you're ready to launch just go to squarespace.com slash shan booty and give that business a shot now back to the video what was your earliest memory of acknowledging yourself as a sexual person um i remember this time in i want to say third grade and i remember me and my friend were sitting under our desk and we were talking and he was like man i can't wait to be married and i was like why and then he was like because even you get to have sex and then like from then on i was like obsessed with sex like i was trying to find it everywhere you know anything like kissing in movies and things like that um and so yeah it was just like uh it was just a thought and i just remember thinking to myself yeah i can't wait to be married i didn't even know what sex was though were was it his excitement that got you excited yeah yeah it was like i was like why is he so hyped about this what is this i wonder how he knew about it so early yeah when was your first time self-pleasuring it was uh this is this is so embarrassing to talk about this is so wack i remember my friend speaking about masturbation like he was like do you guys masturbate and i didn't know what it was i was like what is that what is that it's like it's when you rub your until it just can't rub it no more and i was like huh so later that night i went into the restroom and i tried let's put some ages to this yeah when was the first age you masturbated when did you first watch porn and when did you start watching more explicit content regularly so i the first time i masturbated i was in i was probably similar like i was like fourth grade fifth grade um and then uh the the first time that i saw porn it was around that same age you live in a two-parent household your parents are not together they never were together and both parents though are equally religious yeah so then how did religion weave into your ideas about sexuality as you were just starting to form what sex was to you it was bad it was no no and and we were always taught that this was going to ruin your marriage like this is going to be the reason why your marriage doesn't work out um and so every time that i did experience either masturbation that's so interesting and now your marriage is like based on i know right it was the only way it was going to work um but no it was like i i started to um every time that i had my experience either masturbating looking up porn even the sexual experience with another like a real in real life it felt like i was deteriorating my marriage in the future okay so this is a story i know well your first experience having what you would refer to as full-on sex i was a freshman in high school and she sat in front of me i remember seeing her and being like she's a really good looking woman and she's way older than me um and so i was hitting on her and not thinking anything would actually happen like i just wanted the story of like jared was so brave and he hit on a senior like that was like where i was trying to go with it so i was like oh we're gonna have a flirty relationship and that was where i was gonna go one day i had made the joke like i wanted you to take my virginity and then she was like no are you serious and i was like yeah and so i remember when i was texting this i was in football like jim i was like you know during practice um where we were working out and then uh all the all the guys were like were like you better do that or you're you're just whack if you don't and so i was like all right yeah i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it so i sent her the address she came um but she came over and um i like snuck her into like this back house that we had and we had sex and i remember being like so nervous that i could not finish and then when did you start to feel like i have a handle on my sex life things aren't happening to me i'm happening to it honestly not until like graduate high school like even once i got into my first relationship was when i started to feel like um i had control over sex and i knew how to have it you know protection wise experience wise how to pleasure women how to get my pleasure what i like i i had to i learned that all through my first relationship a lot of times i've done these interviews uh with guys so i think is a really fascinating fact they all went through this phase of an uncontrollable desire oh for sure when you're from like 13 to probably 20 it's this non-stop drive to come you know especially if you become like alone if everyone leaves the house it's almost a guarantee i think that's an interesting fact because in my teens i experienced so much coercion and crazy things were said to me like i will marry you i will have your kids i want to be with you forever like literally anything like my dick's going to fall off i'm in so much pain please please please and you think that by giving or sharing your body in that way it's going to form a bond but you have to also acknowledge that person is just so desperate that they will say anything in that moment yeah yeah i mean and that's that's not to be you know taken lightly i think it really falls on like being educated on what's going on in your body you know i mean i i don't think of most young boys are taught that this is what's happening um yes you're taught that puberty is going to happen and you're taught like you're going to grow facial hair and all these things but i don't think it's really talk to them like hey just so you know you're going to be wanting to have sex extremely extremely extremely strong it's going to pull you to do some crazy things always keep it in check do you um think you got any good sex education outside of partners and porn i was taught how to have a baby and not have a baby and you know like even growing up in my household like it was like don't don't even have sex condoms don't work how do you think you got here so i didn't even trust condoms to be safe like i thought that like swimmers going to swim through it because you did condom plus pullout method yeah well all my entire time i'm having sex so in your 20s you're with a long-term partner you feel like you figured out sex how would you describe that decade um early 20s was cool like i i had a partner we were having sex um i don't know how focused i was on her pleasure per se i liked when she had pleasure but i wasn't trying to learn new tricks i wasn't trying to you know learn off of her i was having sex and i felt like i knew what i was doing but when i look back at it i don't think i did um and then when i got out of that relationship is when i think i started focusing on female pleasure more and i think that had to do because i wasn't in a relationship with any of them um that i was having sex after that i felt like i was um really just focused on learning at that time and wanted to be good and wanted my reputation to be good so i didn't hesitate to be like what can i do better or how do i learn from this and i think in that relationship it was because i felt that security of being in the relationship that i was like if she had a problem she would tell me um which is not always the case you know sometimes it's embarrassing to tell your partner hey you're doing this pretty shitty yeah figure it out and then i think right after that we met really yeah really yeah i forgot about that yeah i'm your early 20s you were in that that that time where i was trying to learn because i met you at 24 yeah yeah that's crazy yeah which is fascinating because i told you this at the time i always got the question of how did you find somebody who wasn't intimidated or aren't people very intimidated and i immediately knew with you that that was not the case and then later on you divulged to me that you were your interest was peaked by what i did for a living it wasn't a turnoff for you no not at all you're not not at all and i think i was going through a very promiscuous time at the time so i think the fact that you were a sexual educator it was like this is gonna sound bad but i think i came into it being like oh i'm about to learn some shit so that when i have sex with other people i'ma put it down you know that was like kind of my mindset um but i think if i came into the to our experience being like i have to impress her i have to like you know figure this out because if i don't then she's not gonna you know want to be with me i think if i came in with that energy i think you would have thought i was threatened by what you did but since i came into it kind of like going with the flow and being like huh what is she doing let's try new things let's explore here like i think that was a little bit of why it didn't feel like i was threatened by what you're doing do you look back at sex in your 20s and think i'm sorry to those people what i understand about the female anatomy is light years away of what i did right if i cared about their pleasure i would have been looking this stuff up on youtube but i'm leaning on them to teach me what they like right and so um and a lot of times in those younger relationships i don't think that she or they were ever comfortable telling me exactly what they like i think that they would just like react if i did something that they're like and then i would just keep doing that thing but um i feel like in this relationship it's more or less like i'm always constantly learning new new things i mean how many times do we have sex and you're like did you try something new yes you know what i mean and it's because of that like that to me is seeking you know female pleasure or putting their prioritizing their pleasure because it's like there's so many different ways to pleasure a woman so for anybody who's watching this and wants you know to kind of take home tips um what are three things that you say would make a good lover obviously with the caveat that there's no one size fits all but if you were to say hey these if you were to have sex with jaren these three things would make you a good partner to me what are those three things i think if you come into every sexual experience with a new partner thinking i am maybe good at sex but i'm not good at sex with you just yet i think going into it with your complete authentic self is going to make the experience better sex is a combination of pleasure ego and um and just like authenticity so you need that ego pleased and the only way you're gonna get that ego pleased fully is when you know that she had a good time too or we know that he had a good time too there are a lot of people specifically people with volvas who only focus on their partner's pleasure does that also make somebody possibly a bad partner i think so i mean i like i said i i think you need your ego plus you're pleased as well and that's gonna make the experience great i know it's not like a nice thing to say but like let's be real we all want to know that we did our thing in sex yeah and that's the ego being stroked and the only way you're gonna get that ego stroked completely is if you know like for a fact that she had a good time i mean i get it you're in a long-term relationship no time you're gonna be like big enough your partner like oh it was so good it was so good when it really wasn't just to give him that ego squeeze but if you want that true ego squeeze like make sure she does have a good time what's been your relationship with sexual health and where are you at now with it i was like super extremely focused on sexual health and i think that i only had to do with my fear with sex and so i had this fear that like god was gonna strike me with the baby or strike me with the with an illness because i was going against his back so i was getting tested often um i you know always strapped up with every sexual experience that i had and it was like a huge focus on me i don't think it was a huge focus on me to protect myself per se but it was a huge focus on me being like you're not gonna catch me slipping god like you know what i mean but i guess in turn it was a good thing babe this was phenomenal yeah i had a great time i don't think i want to ask you if you did great all right sweet what's popping is me again uh listen i know you hear us talk about squarespace all the time and that is because we legit use it all the time i mean we use squarespace to make shan's website we use squarespace to make my website we use squarespace to make shan's game of desire website we use squarespace to make the wedding registry and we use squarespace to sell shan's courses and if you haven't taken one of her courses yet go over to their website get some information on it because there's another one coming real soon i let the cat out the bag i wasn't supposed to tell y'all but there's another one coming so go check it out be first to learn about her courses listen when i tell you we love squarespace trust me we love squarespace it's so user friendly even for me who has no idea how to code i find that i can customize any one of our websites effortlessly they have slick fresh templates blogging tools and amazing in-depth analytics and if you have a mailing list you should look into switching to squarespace because they are so much more cost efficient than these other guys and i'm telling you these other guys get expensive squarespace is the way to go to start building that 2021 business that you've been thinking about starting so what are you waiting for if you haven't done so head over squarespace dot com start playing around with their free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace dot com slash shan booty to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or a domain what are you waiting for start that business it's waiting on you go get it go do it go get it go do it go get it go do it go get it squarespace dot com slash shan booty i got you dripping in a tesla you're fucking up all the leather i just checked i got a checker we're fucking it up together don't lie don't lie don't lie don't lie don't lie don't lie i can't help protect it all i can't wait to break it all i'm leaving you