 Hello. Hello. Welcome again. I don't know if you caught the last small bit of our of our escapades here on Livestreaming, so how's the how is it? It's so good. There's no echo. It's okay. Okay, so let's say that you're dating a guy and This guy ends up pulling away from you or he disappears on you. He starts going cold on you Maybe he's he's lost interest in you and you want to reattract This man back into your life and you're like, what do I do? How do I go about this? How do I start? How do I get this man? How do I get this man back to me? That's what you're thinking and so that's what we're gonna be talking about today. Hello My name is Matthew coast and welcome to commitment connection today I have a special guest with us. Her name is jelly bull bullard And she is actually a manifestation coach and she I wanted to have her on the channel because She she has a lot of things that are very actually very similar to the thought processes and the things that we talk about here on the channel And so I wanted to bring her on and let you guys get give her some exposure to you in case you haven't heard of her before And so that you can you can find out more about her. I Actually spent last week. I was listening to a whole bunch watching a whole bunch of her youtube videos And it was really really interesting. I mean it was really really fascinating. I really enjoyed it And so I'm really honored to have you here. So thank you so much for being here so much And I didn't know you watched some of my videos. I want to hear like what you thought about at all Yeah, no, I mean I feel like there's layers And different perspectives through which to look at and understand relationships And so I have a very particular perspective that I look at To understand what's going on in a relationship dynamic So I'm excited to talk about it with you see where we're like really similar in the line See where we see it a little differently But what I find is usually it all in the end really lines up with the same Kind of theories we might say or the same practices. So yeah, I'm excited to dive into it with you Great. Awesome. Well, let's well. Let's get into this. So they're You so this woman she's your client, you know or or you know She came up to you at a seminar and sat you down and looked you in the eye and said I need your help right now Shelly you got to help me with this guy. He's he's pulled away. He's disappeared He's Not there anymore, right? He's not there anymore. How do I attract this man back into my life? And what what do I say and that's a yes What do you what do you have to say about this? Well, I guess first the place for me to start for people who aren't familiar with my work And also for those who are familiar because we like understanding and hearing it over and over again My perspic perspective on relationships and on everything is a manifesting perspective Which means that? My outer reality Including the way other people are showing up with me is a direct reflection Of my inner reality Which is my inner belief systems my expectations my assumptions How I perceive myself all of these things Is creating A matching or reflective outer reality and so the first thing for us to understand is you know, when People really understand this even when I was a psych just a psychotherapist and I wasn't teaching Manifesting people really relate to the the reality that we end up recreating Situations and relationships that are reflecting a particular wound for us Like this is what happens and so the experience of someone distancing out of relationship Essentially, it's a manifestation of your greatest fear It's a manifestation of what you really don't want to have happen And then when that happens when someone distances from us in relationship It evokes all of our fears that brings them even more to the surface We start really feeling abandoned and then that can have kind of a detrimental effect for various reasons and so In terms of attracting someone back or attracting anyone or creating anything in your life Like number one is always going within and starting within and learning to find your own center and security And knowing that you are amazing and and felt experience of being loved all of these qualities within first so that first step is really a self love step and you know, we could we could start there and like go more into this but Because your outer reality Including your relationship with other people is going to be a reflection of how you're feeling within The last thing we want to do while it's normal and it's understandable Spinning out into major panic and and identification with being left and feeling like you're abandoned All of these things just kind of perpetuate the problem So we always want to start with kind of getting recentered and coming back within and landing in your own inner sense that You are loved You are amazing You are incredible and the more you truly truly truly know this you have to create a matching reality out there Including how other people show up with you that are that are seeing you as that person as well Is that makes sense? Yeah, I mean that's I mean We're absolutely aligned in in this kind of thought process and the women that are very familiar with my work They know that the first step that I talk about in all of this stuff Is I talk about this idea of like believing in your own value, right? And coming from a space where you you really believe that you're a valuable human being that you're worthy of having the relationship that you want to have and it's kind of a You know when I think about that It's it's kind of a superficial thing that I say, right? I try to say it in a way so that people will understand it But it it can actually be a lot deeper than that right a lot a lot deeper than that because A lot of us like what you're talking about a lot of us have wounds that we we grow up with Right, and so if you come from a space like where you felt like you're abandoned as a child And you have this story of abandonment you take this story of abandonment with you in your life you and there's a whole bunch of different ways that that can manifest in in your Your reality right one of the ways is that you might end up trying to prove yourself And if you've been on my channel at all you know that what's the worst thing that you can try to do If you want a man to value you try to prove that you're valuable Because women who believe that they're valuable women who believe that that they deserve really in their heart they deserve to be cherished They don't try to prove that they're valuable because they they uh, they know they don't need to Right, they know it and so there's nothing to prove. It's already an integrated knowing of who you are. Yeah Right, right. Yeah, and so one of the things that that I Kind of teach and some of if you end up getting some of my programs out there one of the things that I talk about is changing the way that you look at your story and You know if you're coming from a place of feeling like you're abandoned as a child Even if that maybe that was the case or the situation You're going to behave in a way Of of coming from that space whereas if you change the story, right? There's there's a story that happened before you were abandoned There's a story that happened after you were abandoned Right and and these stories a lot of times aren't the stories that stick for the women the story that sticks Is this abandonment piece because that was kind of the most emotionally triggering experience that they had and so um You know, I guess we probably shouldn't get into super deep stuff here, but just coming from a space, you know It's it's vitally important if you want to attract somebody into your life If you want to end up in a relationship where you have a guy who who really Loves you and cherishes you you have to start out really believing that you deserve it You have to start out coming from a place where you you you believe that you you really love yourself You're in this place of like, you know, I deserve love I deserve, you know all these great things that I want in my life Because if you don't what will end up happening From a practical standpoint is that you'll start accepting in to your life things that aren't really what you want Right that are reflecting that part of you that doesn't feel worthy And then the more you're resonating or identified with not being fully worthy or not being fully valued Then again, yeah the way I speak about it Then you have to create a reality Where where life or your relationship tells you in some way Yeah, you're Not worthy and it's telling you that because it's a reflection of your own belief system So yeah, I'm entirely on board with everything you're saying and the way I speak about those practice Maybe you use this term too. It's used a lot. It's this. It's the practice of self love and that's really learning Like to deeply continuously come back to your own Value and just like really recognizing on a deep and eventually unwavering level that You you are entirely worthy and you are entirely beautiful and you are a catch and you are Magnificent and when you know that and you don't need any proof from the outside To know that you just know it then the way the outer reality including men relationships will Treat you will reflect that they will see you as that woman who is entirely worthy entirely valuable all of these things But it's it's an inner process and it's a self love process first for sure and so so A lot of women when they come to me, they're like, okay, but what do I do? You know, what do I text him? What do I you know, what do I need to make happen? And so what would you say to a woman who's wondering what she should specifically be doing in this situation? Hmm Well, especially I mean the way you just said it would be the first indication my I would say don't do anything Don't do anything So I know you talk about this Matt and I talk about it as well And the reason I say that is because the way you just said that to me Matt, you know in the example There's an element of chasing There's an element of panic There's an element of I've lost this thing It's gone. I'm incomplete. He's gone And before you make any movement This is my perspective before you make any movement You want to the only thing to do is to be working on yourself So you are no longer in that experience of panic. He's gone. Where'd he go? It's like, okay If you are in any any of those feelings the panic It's an indication of like, okay now is time to focus on me and start remembering how incredible I am That's where my focus should be it should be coming towards myself Rather than out towards that other person and the reason is is if you start Putting a lot of energy out towards him Typically if you are in still in the state of feeling abandoned you're in an experience of lack They don't love me. I've been left Where are they? Are they going to come back? I'm scared. I'm alone. All of these feelings are the experience of inner lack And essentially it just means something's missing. He's missing. Love is missing me And when we start taking action from that space We really from a manifesting perspective can only produce more experiences of lack and actually, you know, I know a lot of people know this I've been there too. I get it Who's had success chasing down their person and then turning it around and being like, yeah, you're right I'm in love with you. It's not usually how it works because and it's because your state of being your state of being is still in that lack, so if you're really Panicked and wondering what to do first step self love And then there's a question on what to do. What does that mean? Like, okay, then we could talk about that but don't do anything with him Until you have stabilized in yourself Yeah, no, and I I totally I say the same thing, right? Like if you're chasing somebody, what are they going to do? They're going to run, right? Because you're chasing them and so so don't so don't chase them, right? And uh, I actually have this concept that I talk about and it's called the wholeness breakpoint And the wholeness breakpoint is this place where you feel whole and you feel strong And you feel like you don't need somebody else, right? Like when the some Psychologists talk about relationships. They talk about how our identities kind of mold together when you get into relation with somebody else And what what ends up happening when you break up is it feels like a piece of yourself Is actually missing because you've you've you've spent a whole bunch of time sitting around thinking of this guy and Dreaming of your life together and you're you know in a field of flowers, you know frolicking and all that kind of stuff and What ends up happening is it feels like he's a part of you and then you break up and you're missing a part of yourself and so part of that feeling of like I got to get him back is part of your identity right it's it's part of your identity that you feel is missing and you're trying to get that back and When you're coming from that space It's to a guy who has just pulled away. It feels like it feels real gross, you know It feels like desperation. It feels like weakness it feels like ah, you know, it's like, you know when magnets when they're the same kind of like You know charge and they're pushing ones pushing the other one and the other one stays the same distance away when you're You're kind of pushing it on the table or whatever that that's that's kind of what it is Is you're just like pushing them away, you know and um, so if if they want to so what what what do they need to do to Kind of rectify this what what would you say that they should should be doing should they just be sitting and waiting? Should they be You know trying to get their mind off of it. Should they you know be pulling up daisies and you know picking off flowers and say you know I know I mean and it's it's like i'm going to keep coming back to the the same answer and we can also Of course talk about what to do specifically with him, but if you Feel that you have that experience of desperation around a man It's a really good indication that you need to refocus your energy back into yourself and one way to think about this is You know I actually haven't even really spoken specifically about this too much on my channel, but it's like If we're manifesting our reality and your reality is a reflection of what's going on inside of you A way to think about this is you want to start treating yourself the way you want this man to treat you So don't don't be going after him and trying to like, you know You wouldn't doing whatever you feel called to again It's usually your your own fear and panic that is going to make that movement So you need to start really focusing on yourself and it's like wait a minute. How do I want to see myself? How do I want him to see me? Okay? I want to feel like a goddess. I want to feel like a queen I want to feel showered with love. Okay. How can I start using my imagination? My inner worlds to start to feel that energy is now coming towards me That attention is coming towards me. I'm starting to fill up. I am a catch. I am a beautiful being I don't need to make any movement It's coming towards me. We use our inner world is what I call it imagination is another word to use You use your own inner process to start shifting How you feel in this situation and you want to kind of put the brakes on any sort of chasing And instead almost turn that momentum with your own inner process of It's coming towards me. The love is coming towards me Attention is coming towards me and you're building a new inner experience of being loved And what you find is when you start affirming how beautiful you are affirming what a catch you are affirming How lovable you are when I say affirming telling yourself and literally feeling the truth of it You'll start to fill up and the urge to chase will go away You'll actually start to expect them to come towards you And that's what you want to be doing. That's the state you want to be putting yourself in So anytime there's that fear state, it's okay. It's really normal. It's just an indication. Okay, wait a minute I need to be telling myself how beautiful I am. I need to be feeling loved being showered on me I need to feel myself as a catch and that's where your main practice should be and and trust me I mean those who have done these practices myself included like it does shift the the dynamic very very Quickly and potently when you are no longer chasing and you're starting to expect love to come towards you And and some people here may have even actually experienced this before and and Like if you've if you've ever been in a space where you're you wanted your ex to come back and you you wanted to come Back and you're thinking about them all the time and then at some point It's like you move on right and then you get that text message and you're like why Why when I move on is he now texting me, right? And it's because you've come to a different space, right? You're no longer coming from the space of needing this this, you know in and you know, I don't know What's going on in the world, right? Like we can talk about All the different potential attraction mechanisms there are in the world However, what what I do know is that Is that when you come from a different space different different things end up happening, you know and You know and I think that's that's kind of the most important thing That you can think about in terms of this and and also, you know when you're when you're coming from that space where you're basically You know what shelly was kind of talking about there in in my interpretation Is it's like this space where you're you're giving yourself love, right? You're giving yourself all of this stuff because you're you're shifting it, right? You can there's two ways to get your needs met in the world One way is to try to get it from the outside world, right? And you can you know and a lot of people do this and a lot of women that come to me are coming from the space where they're They're trying to suck love from the outside world. They're trying to get their happiness and they're like, well, you know I've we've had women On some of on my page before they've been like, oh well You know, um, what's good? Why would I want a man in my life? If if he's not responsible for making me happy and and I'm responsible for making me happy What what good is he then right and and it's uh, which is really really interesting Um, because if you're coming from a space of happiness, you're coming from a space of love You're coming from a space of value And you meet with a guy who's really awesome and you guys have a great connection together It's like it just amplifies it, right? It's like this multiplication effect that happens when the two of you are together And then it's not like I am dependent on this man In order to feel happy in order to feel alive in order to you know Feel like i'm valuable and that i'm loved and instead it's like the two of us can You know journey through the world together and and our love can combine and it can turn into this greater bigger more Exciting thing that we have together right Totally. Yeah, I mean I I understand it because I have been one of those women in the position of Really thinking it was a man's job to fulfill me And when I was it that at that time in my life It was so hard for me to feel fulfilled by a man It just wasn't happening and it's almost like the way I'm thinking about it as I'm listening to you talk matt. It's like It's not um how we would normally you know necessarily logically think about it But it's like what you give yourself You can expect that someone else is going to give you the same like it's going to be a mirrored Experience and what you don't give yourself You're going to find in relationship. You're not going to receive it either So it's like either you're giving it to yourself and you're going to receive it from someone else Or you're not moving it to yourself and you're not going to receive it from someone else so You know Yeah, the way I teach about it is like the inner is creating the outer the inner is creating the outer what you Learn to give yourself and land in as the truth of who you are in terms of relationally. So I'm loved I'm cherished. I'm adored what you land in You know it automatically comes and that's been my experience too It's you know since I've been doing these types of practices maybe over five six seven years something like that The way that men treat me has fully changed And it's directly because of how I've shifted the way that I treat myself. It's like I I cherish myself. I see my value I see that I'm you know a beautiful person inside and out and so The men that come into my life. They see me those ways too. It's true. It's a direct reflection Yeah, well and and it's difficult to describe to somebody because we can sit here and talk about it Intellectually and talk about what it's like and what it feels like And if you haven't really experienced it, you probably just don't have any idea what we're talking about Which is why you have to experience it, right? It's like it's like a You know trying to explain somebody to somebody what a strawberry tastes like when they've never had a strawberry before You know, you're like, oh, it's sweet and it's this and it's that and they're like Maybe it's good. I don't know, you know Yeah, I'm totally and so so my suggestion is that if you're in kind of this space where you're feeling this lack and you're feeling Kind of this separation and you're feeling like you don't really love yourself like you're not being loved like you Like you need a man to love you in order to feel loved Like you need a man to make you happy and all those things my my suggestion is to just jump in right jump You know my even better here. Here we go. John go over to Shelly's website That's the link I'll put I'll put a link in the description as well And go pick up some of her programs and just dive into she has some self study programs that you can get You can join her email list. You can learn more about what she does And just pick up what she's doing and learn about what she's doing and just dive into it And and experience for it for yourself because that's really what you need to do if you want to To understand this and get this and it's it you won't understand it unless you do it and once you start doing it It'll change your life. That's right It's true. I know self love can seem like um, you know Self love isn't the only thing I teach But it is the foundation of all these practices because I really think it is the way to get The love you want in a relationship. It's like truly if you do nothing, but self love You're gonna have men being madly in love with you. It's just how it works. I've I've experienced it personally I've had many many clients experience this and it's self love. We can get a little we're like What is it? I don't quite get it But trust me it actually isn't easier and simpler process then It can sometimes feel like and so I talk a lot about I have a like a self love playlist on my youtube channel I talk a lot about it and um Yeah, just start with rebuilding your own self and you will automatically see the changes in your reality in terms of how Men see you and treat you you will see the changes. You will see them quickly Yeah, absolutely and the the men will start changing right you start changing what's going on in you And the men in your life all of a sudden will start changing and it'll feel like it's magic And it'll it'll seem like it'll feel like they're under a spell or something and and There's a woman here. Um, we're gonna you mind if we take a couple questions. So There was a woman here that was Asking I don't see where the question is at the moment, but she was asking about Uh kind of differentiating herself or making herself special or different and doing this actually does that right? Because when when you're doing this Most women aren't doing any kind of work like this. They aren't loving themselves They're you know a lot of women especially in this day and age or kind of they're they're going to these Kind of more masculine jobs and they're a lot of them have kind of lost that kind of interglow And so When guys see them they just see them from kind of this physical standpoint of like am I physically attracted to her And when you come from this glow the glow of self-love this glow of of really nurturing and loving and caring for yourself you it's like a totally different thing happens and When a guy sees you he he won't understand it like he won't have any idea what's going on Right. He'll just see you and you'll be like there's something different about her And that's kind of strange pull to you He comes over and starts talking to you. He won't have any idea why he likes you so much He'll just know that really likes you for some reason and I've seen this happen over and over and over It's like the coolest thing that I've ever seen happen and I actually had a friend Who uh date he was he was one of those guys that dated he he only dated like Stick figure model girls right and he did this like it was kind of a joke among us Among our friends about how like the kind of women that he dated it was always these really thin blonde girls and One day he ended up in this relationship with this girl that was totally different totally different Right. She wasn't she wasn't like super overweight or anything, but she wasn't like a super stick thin girl either And we're we're all like Like what's going on here, right? And they um, yeah Last time I talked it's been a while since I talked to him But last time I talked to him they were together for like three years or something like that And I was I was asking him about it Because I was genuinely curious about I was like, yeah, what's going on? Like why are you like what's going on with this girl? You know like there's kind of this thing and you're normally, you know Go for these girls and you're going for this girl right now and he's like he's like yeah, I have no idea What's going on? All I know is that when I see her I just like want to just grab her and hold her and Just make love to her and kiss her, you know, and I'm like I'm like cool man, you know and it was that's she had one of those interblow things, right? Yeah, I don't know all the work that she was doing or you know if that was something that she naturally had or any of that kind of stuff, but It's it it immediately makes you stand out from everybody else totally and I actually would add to that because um I would say also You can affirm things. I've personally done this. I still do this. You can affirm things such as I'm a special woman Men seeming as a special woman men tell me that I'm different than other women Men see something a little different in me. You start affirming the truth of that and men will tell you That they see that in you that you do see they will literally tell you back to you the things that you've been affirming for yourself I've had this happen many many many times where I'm affirming particular qualities specifically this one that um I'm special. I'm unique. I'm different and it's okay for us to affirm these things You know, we're not taking away from other people by affirming that for ourselves You're just choosing how you want your life to be and how you want to be seen So it's totally okay to affirm something like that and it will you will receive Comments from people that say the exact same thing that you have been affirming So that's another way when you know you are special When you know you stand out from the crowd when you know you are different They will see you that way and this is how this works What you know about yourself they will see in you and that's why doing this in our work is so important Beautiful ad beautiful edition. So thank you for that. Let's uh, let's grab So just me says I just need to know how to keep his interest in me as he is recovering From his nasty divorce. I am being myself doing my thing. It would be great for him to open up to me. We aren't communicating Should I answer that? Yeah, what do you think? What do you? Yeah, well the first thing I would I just noticed was I need him to keep his interest in me So there's a little bit of fear there I would just watch that and don't um get because it sounds like you're needing to get something from him So again, that is always kind of stemming from an inner experience of lack What I instead would be doing is affirming things such as he feels comfortable with me He feels safe with me. He's starting to open up to me more He's grateful to have me during this time. He's opening up more and more I feel his love coming towards me. I feel him opening to me There's nothing for me to worry about. I don't I don't need to control this He his love is coming to me. He's opening to me. See what I'm doing I'm affirming the reality that you want to create or I'm I'm speaking the reality that you want to create and by doing that You start to shift and change when you start to feel comfortable that he is opening up to you Rather than I'm scared. He's not going to right the question is a little bit in a little bit of fear that there's a problem Well, maybe there's no problem. Maybe he is opening up to you He is feeling more comfortable with you and as your You know inner experience is shifting to believe that you are molding and shaping your outer reality to take that shape and form So that would be my advice in that Yeah, I mean I I totally agree with you one of the things that I say a lot is What you focus on you feel and what you feel you receive And if you're focusing on What what isn't there the lack, you know what you're afraid of all the things that could go wrong What you need to have happen and you must happen, right? um, you're gonna end up feeling those things in your body and then you're going to be kind of um You're that's what you're going to be receiving into your life And so you you have to Shift the way that you think about it shift the way that you feel about it shift your focus And focus on something else and I I could sit here and listen to shelly Say different affirmations all day long because it just it's like I hear I'm like, oh, yeah I mean that's what I'm doing I'm taking people into that new reality, right because all all potentials are open to us We we start aligning with the reality we want we start embodying the reality we want and that's what we create So, yeah, that's how you do it Cool. Um, so shelly, do you do you still have some more time to? Okay, cool. I just want to make sure I'm respectful of your time here. Uh, so Uh as says Matthew, I wish you could just make a million phones of yourself so that we can all just date you I appreciate So anonymous user says my boyfriend pulled away Was silent for three days even though he specifically promised he texted me three days ago Now he texted me complaining that I didn't reach out. I acted warm with love He then gave me an attitude. What should I do say? Oh, I like that question Will you keep it up? Yeah Can I jump into it? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead Yeah, so my response what I'm feeling when I read that is, um I did a video called fierce self love So with the self love we've been talking about so far is a little more of the warm loving self love But there also is a self love that I like my clients and people who watch me to activate as well when they're not receiving the treatment that they deserve to be receiving from their person and so that's what I uh, I go I I'm thinking of self love as I read this question because there's a part of me that what gets activated is Oh hell no Oh hell no like oh hell no that's not going to fly and Again, one way we can think about it with relationships is almost you're training people to treat you the way that they are treating you and I would I already had an oh hell no at he he promised he texted me He would text me and he didn't text me. There's there's the first hell no And then he texted you complaining The second hell no Then you acted warm and then he was an attitude. So to me that's just a clear this doesn't fly for me and When I speak about fear. So this is more of the fear self love and when I speak about it It's not necessarily you may or may not express this to your partner But what's more important is that your own that you know what your own boundaries are And you are available for a particular type of treatment and you are not available for another type of treatment And some people talk about it. You may talk about it this way like this is high value You know you you value yourself a high value woman. I guess is a kind of a word that some people use It's like look, I will not be treated this way When you know that and you are not available for it However, you get that point across Uh people typically get in line actually with that because you are claiming who you are And how you will be treated. So how to specifically deal with this situation Um, there's a lot of different ways you could deal with it, but I would essentially say, you know, that didn't feel good to me That didn't work for me. I'm going to take some space I'll contact you when I'm ready or something like that like like just essentially saying that doesn't work for me And it seems like we're saying it to the person but more importantly you're saying it to yourself I won't be treated that way And the more you are unwavering in I will not be treated this way You know, this is how I will be treated and I will not be treated this way The more you are clear about it and you uphold those boundaries You will not receive treatment like this. It's when you kind of allow it and then it's like he's kind of doing this And you're like not really standing up for yourself. That's when uh treatment like this perpetuates And so I would have your boundary. You're not trying to get a new response from him That's the other thing that's tricky about this. You're standing up for yourself for yourself First and foremost, this isn't going to fly for me for me because I love myself that much. This doesn't work for me And you uphold that I promise you people get in line That is absolutely true And I could talk about that all day Actually, let me just give a real quick refresher on one of the the communication things that I talk about So there's three way main ways three main ways to communicate high value right to communicate your value The first way is through standards right, which um You know, it there's definitely a place where you could be communicating your standards here if you wanted to the second one is through boundaries, which sounds something like, you know, I Love connecting with you and I love hanging out with you and I love when we're together However, and then you say whatever your boundary is You know and then and then at the end you ask him if he you know will agree to it And then there's a third way, which is you walk away from the situation, right? You don't argue You don't try to get revenge. You don't lose your mind and attack him You don't you know do any of those things that you you don't manipulate them You don't force them. You don't try to make him do something you You know, you can either communicate and then walk away or you can just walk away and those those are really the the best ways that in my opinion to communicate when you feel like your Boundaries have been kind of pushed or you feel like maybe you're being mistreated or something like that And so grabbing one of those things Standards are are usually a little bit better Before the boundary has been broken. So standards the way that you communicate standards would be things like, you know I really like it when right like, oh, I love it. You know, I just love it when you, you know Text me when you say you're gonna text me because it's so it's so hot, you know Having such a responsible man in my life. It's just it makes me feel taken care of and I I just I love it, you know and and Um, you know, just or or doing, you know, maybe you aren't even doing it Totally specific because that's kind of like really specific about what he's doing You know, it could just be like, you know doing what you say that you're gonna do Like I really love it when you do what you say you're gonna do, you know, it's just it's so hot to me You know and just communicating that in that way because when you do that the guy's like I'm gonna do what I say that I'm gonna do All the time You want to like give focus to what you love that they're doing and what you focus on you're gonna grow So yeah, keep going. I'm just loving what you're saying Yeah, so so those are the main three ways. I I think we're just gonna leave it there for the moment and Move on to the next one though So, um, let's see. What else do we have here? Yon says hello from Philippines. Know your worth and love yourself first. Thank you, yon Sensual brunette says going to see my sp. Does that mean specific specific person? I know that from your videos. Yes Soon to pick up something so I have been practicing that he is so into me and only me from today on wish me luck Awesome. Good luck Yeah, know your worth know your worth know your worth absolutely know your worth So kathy says but we can't just blindly believe we are entirely valuable unless we really have something to offer How can we prevent From being ignorant? Hmm my gosh. Wow interesting kathy. Can I jump into it matter? Yeah. Yeah You are entirely valuable Regardless of anything actually and and this is my perspective. I mean my work is deeply spiritual that's really the basis of all the work that I teach and In that you are inherently valuable You are entirely valuable You're completely lovable Regardless of anything regardless of any perceived flaws any history anything you are entirely valuable And I think this perspective I get it because a lot of people hold this perspective that you have to do something to be valuable You have to achieve something to be valuable You have to create something and be something different than your pure self to be valuable and in fact In it's not even just a theory The truth that I know for myself and that I know for you and for all all people really is that We are inherently valuable and that's actually what the deepest essence of self-love is it's recognizing that your Being your essence Is entirely valuable right now and in every moment And when you start to land in and relate to yourself from that depth of self love that depth of Being innately valuable You you transform your entire world. I mean not just relationships everything because imagine Imagine if you're walking around with the true ingrained belief that you are valuable That you are worthy of love that you are worthy of abundance that you are worthy of happiness and beauty If we're creating our realities from the inside out and that's a dominant belief system Then you're going to create an incredibly beautiful life and it is the truth of you. It's the truth of your essence Yes, you make mistakes. We all make mistakes. Are we perfect? No, we're not perfect But are we valuable? Are we entirely valuable? Yes And so that's just a choice for you to start seeing yourself that way and when you do Not trying to convince yourself, but you actually start to truly feel yourself as that truth as being entirely valuable You'll change everything Yeah, it's beautiful. Very well said beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I got shivers up my spine listening to that so I've I've kind of a different kind of approach at what I'd like to say to you Kathy and first You know, it's it's kind of an interesting. I'm just going to have a side note for everybody who's kind of reading this right now Kathy's doing something that we call mismatching in psychology, right? it's kind of like this meta program of the way that she is communicating which is she is finding what's You know missing which is something that a lot of people naturally do And here's the thing Kathy. You don't have to blindly believe that you are valuable Because you do have something to offer Right and the assumption in this is that you don't have something to offer Which is really really interesting, right? And because we all Have something to offer just your presence Is something that you can offer Somebody and you'd be surprised, you know, it's it's interesting because a lot of times Especially if you're coming from a place because I came from a place of feeling like I wasn't valuable You know, I came from a place of feeling like I wasn't worthy Most of the successes that I've created in my life and I've created a lot of successes in my life Have been from coming from a place of trying to prove That I was worthy and no matter how much I did right like I I was a special operations combat soldier, right? And I like did this crazy thing in the military and then I like went to college and I graduated with honors Summa cum laude and all that silly stuff, right? And then I built this business and I've done all these things, right? And no matter how much I did When I was coming from a place of not believing I was worthy It never made me feel like I was worthy. It never did and So what I found When I kind of shifted the way that I thought about things and got more curious and then started questioning Some of these beliefs that I had What I found is that just my my existence my my beingness my Just being around people like they value it, right? They want to be people like being around me They like connecting with me. They like me being in their presence and so You know, you have something to offer you have something to offer The people around you you have something to offer the world You have you probably have lots of things to offer And so when you say unless we have something to offer, there's nobody out there that doesn't have something to offer and so you know, my suggestion would be to kind of Like question this idea that you have in your mind that you don't have anything to offer And instead embrace the full reality that you have An infinite amount of things to offer the world And that maybe you don't realize how special and valuable and amazing you actually are and so With that we'll move on to the next one I fully agree. Yeah, that feels super in alignment with I would I believe as well? Yeah, it's beautiful So sensual brunette says I am valuable because I am here on earth to bring up the vibration That's all I need to be worthy. Beautiful. You go girl. You go girl So Loreley Loreley says that's what I just did today to end those abandonment feelings Not sure what you did, but good job Keep doing it Mm-hmm Jazzy says it's all about manifesting that you're valuable beautiful whole et cetera. Mm-hmm Yep Oh, Kathy's argue Kathy comes back with the mismatch That's great, but anyone can say that so how can we different be different from each other? Yeah, you know Did you want to go ahead and say something? You can you go first and I can say something too I was just gonna say like everything that you do is different, right Like anything that we do now even if we both Sat down even if we did the same thing every single day even if you're a twin Right, I dated this twin for a while and her and her twin were totally different, right? They grew up in the same environment. They did a lot of the same things and they were just they were like opposites Everybody everybody's different right everybody's got different things and so You're always different right you can look at everybody's the same and everybody does all the same things And there are a lot of things that we have similarities in right like men and even men and women Have similarities in a lot of ways humans and animals have a lot of similarities in a lot of ways humans and other Objects and things and stuff in the world. I mean, there's a lot of similarities And there's a lot of differences and you can you can look at either one and I mean, I don't care who you take right you take two twins you take, you know two Of anything to women to men to people the same race to You know anything and you're gonna find differences if you look if you look you're gonna find differences in everybody In everything and so we're all different We're all different Yeah, like what I would say it's very much in alignment with what you're saying. It's it's like The essence that we are all innately whole lovable worthy pure That's the same and everything is sourced from source energy, which is that wholeness all is Everything is completely worthy and the way that Source or life lives its way through you Kathy is completely unique to you There is no other Kathy. There's no other you And so there is exactly it's like there's this the the deep essence that is Absolutely the same or similar the same And then the unique expression is entirely unique and when you recognize that you are unique There is only one you and that that inherently makes you special as well You know then then you see that Yeah, absolutely And we have a lot of comments. I think oh, yeah Yeah, I mean just lots and lots and lots of comments. All right So spotless says if a man dumps you and then comes back How do you test him if he's going to stay around? Hmm The way I would think about it is you just take it step by step And if it's in a mature type of relationship, you can also communicate that like, you know I'm I'm looking forward to us reconnecting. I'm just going to be feeling this out step by step and in that sense your Your um, you know, you don't want to I wouldn't personally if it were me I wouldn't want it to come off like I'm testing you Your your energy towards him or making him feel like I'm watching you or I don't trust you It's like you can give him the benefit of the doubt, but make him earn Earn it back, you know, you go slow and you see how he shows up moment by moment or day by day and you um, kind of slowly move back into the relationship While just Making sure that he's kind of showing up the way that you want and if he's not then you start to reevaluate Step by step. I mean that's essentially what I would say. I'm curious what you'd say matt Yeah, I mean I so If you have been following me at all and do you have listened to there's something that I talk about called the investment principle And women who are a part of my program the forever woman program They know that a man's investment in her is far more important than her investment in him And the more a man invests in you the more that he'll feel connected to you the more he'll feel Like he's in you know wanting to fall in love with you more that he'll backwards rationalize in his mind That he really likes you that you're special to him that he doesn't want to let you go and all those things Well, there's another thing that you have to look at as well And this is patterns because we all live in patterns. Everybody lives in patterns. We eat in patterns we sleep in patterns we live our lives in a whole bunch of patterns and One of the things that you want to do is just look for the different patterns that are going on in a guy's life Like what he does how he acts, you know, all the different things right if you talk to a man some Some dating coaches say that you shouldn't ever talk about a man's past or his past relationships and all that kind of stuff I just agree because when a guy tells you about his past relationships, it's like he's showing you All of his patterns Right and so he's he's telling you what's coming For you in your relationship And if his pattern is that he hates all of his exes You know, what's coming for you in the future if his pattern is that You know, he really loves the people in his life and that there's just something that wasn't right about it or whatever Right, you're you're learning you're learning about what his patterns are and who he is and and what is likely to come From spending time dating him and being in a relationship with him and you know People break out of patterns sometimes absolutely for sure when there's enough pressure or enough pain or enough Desire there, but most people don't and so you just want to make sure that you're in a healthy pattern or a good pattern Or a pattern that can lead into the direction that you want it to go into and so I mean, there's a there's a whole bunch of different things that you can do but my suggestion My number one suggestion would be to look for patterns Okay, let's see Doop-de-doop-de-do anime freakish one says Met a guy and felt a great connection timing was off and it didn't go anywhere But we keep in touch dating other guys, but can't find the same feeling How do I not get discouraged? I mean I because my style is manifesting and I I've had enough evidence in my own life to know that I am creating my own reality. I am attracting men to me. I am attracting what I expect to feel with a man That's what I would do if I were you I would So it's hard when you met someone and you had a great Connection and then the timing's off. So it didn't work out and then you can start being Focused on the lack like oh, I lost the connection. Right. I lost that connection What I would try to do is refocus your attention to okay that experience of great connection exists I know I can feel it again. Here's what I feel like what it feels like So you start cultivating it inside of yourself in your inner world start cultivating. Okay Here's what my new man feels like I I believe or I trust or I hope even that I can have this again I don't like hope so much, but just really trying to Trust in the process that you are creating your reality. I don't know where you stand with that if you do believe that And internally start creating the the imaginal experience of being With this new man with a beautiful connection and maybe he there's even more things That are there that you want that makes it an even better aligned relationship And when you start to cultivate it internally, what happens is You start to feel That the relationship almost is here, you know, yes, it's first still just happening in your inner world But you start to feel satisfied when you're imagining a man shower you with love internally you start to feel the truth of this reality And then what my experience has been and really what I teach people is like if that becomes a predominant knowing if you trust and know That you are going to feel that that your man is looking for you right now that you are creating your relationship right now It's going to be the best thing you've ever felt before it's going to be better than any connection You've ever felt before if you're affirming that and believing it within it is going to show up out there And actually it's going to show up quickly like the more you just are landed in that knowing It is going to show up what we have to watch for is thinking I lost the one thing I could ever want I lost the great connection now. I've lost the connection. That's that's as you can probably see That's like saturating yourself in the lack of the experience. You want to reorient to no I can have this again And or I can have even better and this is what it's going to be like and I feel it and I believe in it That would be my advice. Yes Absolutely spot on I totally agree with it If I was to say I'd probably give you two things here and just to kind of Throw on top of what shelly was saying and it's not even In addition to it's just kind of um saying it maybe a different way Number one Here's something that in my opinion you should write down On your wall circle it put a bunch of stars next to it Maybe put a smiley face on it and look at it every day and here's what you should do is Always remember to make your future your future Brighter than your past right or better than your past So look at your future as this place where you'll have more love You'll have more connection You'll have more of all the things that you want Right when you're looking back at this past and there's this guy and this thing that happened and You know, you're you're you're stuck in the past. You're holding on you're grabbing hold of the past and you're like Oh, I wish that this was back here, you know And there's nothing wrong with remembering the past and learning from the past and Remembering, you know great experiences that you had but if you're living there and that's where you are It's very difficult to create the future that you want to have right. You can't you can't row to a new You know a new shore if you still have your boat tied to the dock, right? You can't go anywhere, right? You're stuck there And so you have to you have to let go of the dock In order to row to a new place and so you uh, that's that's really what I'd say Is just make sure that your future looks brighter than your past And I had a second thing, but I can't remember what it was But but that's really important that that one I'd say is You know And that that's really what shelly was talking about, you know And she was kind of giving you the technique for it, which I totally recommend and suggest that you listen to and so Man, we have I mean just dozens and dozens more questions and comments And we're not going to be able to get to them because we're hitting the top of the hour here But thank you everybody for being here. I want you know, it's it's an honor and a privilege for me to be here serving you It's really my whole life is about this And serving people I was I was at a seminar last week and somebody was like So do you do anything other than the dating stuff? And I'm like No, no, I just do the dating stuff like this is this is my life. I love it You know, I love serving the women in our community I love I love all of this and I feel like it's such an honor and a privilege For me to be able to do this for you and help you and and have you trust me On your journey to getting into the relationship that you've always wanted to have And I I feel honored that shelly's here with me and talking to me and if you haven't yet Go check out her website right there Pick up her programs join her stuff go to her youtube channel go and watch her videos You know and really really ingrained even if you don't believe in manifestation Even if you don't believe in any Any of the stuff that she talks about will happen as a result of you doing this My suggestion is that you still go and do it and let me let me tell you why The reason that I think you should go and do it is because you're if you want like an actual Psychological reason for doing this you'll actually train your subconscious mind Right and you'll train the way that your brain works and you'll not only will you experience a better life You'll be filled with love and joy and happiness. You'll be excited about your life You'll you'll you'll feel like you're on fire You'll you'll be more likely to take risks for things that you want to have in your life you'll be more likely to to Go after the things that you want in your life You'll be more likely to recognize the things that you want in your life and you'll you'll be far more likely To welcome in and receive the things that you want in your life And so my suggestion is even if you're like, oh that Manifested that manifestation stuff's a bunch of hooey and crazy like, you know Woo-woo stuff or whatever you think right my suggestion is you still go over there And you check it out and you get that stuff ingrained in your brain Because it it will change your life even if you don't believe in it that that's the that's the beauty of it Yeah, it's a mindset, you know, it's still if at the at the you know, it's still even just my it's a mindset It's changing your mindset and yeah, there's so many different ways to look at it But thank you so much for that matt. Yeah, and then thank you so much for being here with us. Yeah, this has been so fun I love it. Thank you for having me so fun All right, everybody, uh, we will I'll speak with you again soon. Maybe this weekend maybe next week We'll see when we're doing another live stream. I don't have it scheduled yet, but it will be soon So thank you everybody for being here. We have some of the most beautiful amazing awesome women In the entire world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for being here I will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it