 So you're wondering why he might choose you over another woman So let me ask you has this ever happened to you? You've been in a relationship with a man. Maybe you've spent quite a bit of time. Maybe it's been six months Maybe it's been a year. Maybe it's been Multiple years and then all of a sudden the relationship ends and the next person he meets He chooses a relationship with her and well, let me rewind for a second You've been in a situation ship or a casual relationship During this period of time and then immediately when it ends he chooses another woman and you might be going Why did he choose her over me? And I want to really lean into the conversation of what it takes for a man to choose a woman and by the way Ladies what you really should be asking yourself is why should I choose this man? But we'll get into that's another conversation because of the title of this video So to answer this question why he'll choose you over another woman or why he chooses another woman over you Is that he's ready to commit. He's ready to commit What does that mean ready to commit he's ready to go all in So why could he be in a relationship with you and it's it's friends with benefits. It's a situation ship It's a casual relationship Why isn't he willing to go all in with you and then all of a sudden go all in with someone else? Okay, and usually all in is either moving in together or getting married with someone That's really being Moving in with someone is pretty close to it and marriage is an all in Container So as I got to thinking about this I've been thinking a lot about timing Timing what is timing? And I thought to myself and I want to give you an analogy. Okay to help you with this recently. I well, let me rewind Timing is the next evolution. That's what really timing is. I wrote this down Timing is merely means the next evolution that is upon us. That's what timing is It's what's next in our Our experience this from a spiritual perspective. What's next in our experience? So what causes a person what is timing here with that next evolution? Where does this come from? Okay now I I have a quote that says the following Soulmates come into our lives to teach us a lesson And our true love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands I'm going to repeat that because this is I think very profound whether you subscribe to it or not Soulmates come into our lives to teach us lessons and our true love goes to school with us each and every day Holding hands. So do you hear the word? lessons and the word school see Relationships are a container To learn and grow as an individual. Okay Not as a couple per se, but first and foremost as an individual in addition a relationship is a separate container where two people go into it together To heal one another to support one another to love one another to be physically intimate with one another and it is a separate entity See sometimes you have chosen relationships where you needed some healing Well, actually every relationship is an opportunity for you But I do believe that sometimes we've been in relationships where we were the person who needed healing And sometimes we're in a relationship that we're here to support someone else in their healing and sometimes it's both This is very profound I really want you to lean into it because many of you are probably going Well, all I've done is heal men and I've gotten no healing from it. No, you've gotten a lot from it as well See when you give your power away to another human being you are being invited to heal That place within you that doesn't feel loved See, this is why I wrote my book. This has nothing to do with dating My book is called what the heck is self-love anyway a journey a personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of my book. Why am I bringing this up? because believe it or not every relationship affords us an opportunity to heal Sometimes we're doing a little bit more for them. Sometimes they're doing a little more for us But in reality there is a balance there because every experience that you've had with another human being That wasn't just fulfilling was teaching you an opportunity to love yourself Excuse my slurping, but my coffee mug says don't make me go all psycho roommate on you This coffee is very hot by the way So I want to lean into timing and I want to relate it to something that's happened to me And I think this will illustrate this point perfectly Many of you know recently I threw my back out And I've been really processing what's going on here Now, do you know from a spiritual perspective our back going out means not feeling supported? And what's fascinating to me is prior to my relationship with Marie. I used to throw my back out about three times a year And when I threw it out this time it's because I was playing golf but there was a spiritual thing going on because believe it or not In the 15 months I was in relationship with her and then the few months it took to kind of end the relationship I didn't throw out my back once I didn't throw out my back once and I thought what's the correlation between this because if back problem is means Feeling supported and I didn't throw out my back while I was in relationship She was meeting a need of mine Of feeling supported on an emotional level And now that i'm not in relationship and by the way she ended the relationship I didn't and by the way for those of you that Claim that she made the sacrifice moving to los angeles. That was her choice not mine I didn't go out to chicago to go look for someone. She came to los angeles to find someone. So just to clear that message up But as I go deeper into this what is throwing your back out? Well, there's another invitation not just feeling supported, but also it's a message of taking a break So I was lying on my back for quite a few days Lying down just to relieve the tension See sometimes we need to take a break. That's why going back to this timing piece when somebody ends a relationship Taking a break means healing or taking the time to heal From what may have transpired during the relationship. Here's where a lot of people mess this up See when I threw out my back one of the things I did is I went to the chiropractor I got a heating pad. I started to do stretches to get me back into shape. Okay, I've been doing a lot to get back into shape And during this time and now going forward I'm going to get back into my yoga routine I'm going to get back into my stretching routine. I'm going to get back into regular chiropractor visits So there's the break that I took and I'm going to correlate this to relationships in a moment But there's also the work After the break. Okay. Now here's what happens for a lot of people that end a relationship And this is men as well as women the relationship ends And they binge watch tv they overwork to occupy their lives They're not doing so how am I correlating this to relationships Is that they're not doing the inter inner work to heal And when a person hasn't done the inner work to heal like I use the chiropractor as an example to going to a coach I use exercises an example to watch podcasts and listen to videos and maybe journaling and and meditation and all these things to heal from a relationship See what a lot of times people do is they immediately go from one relationship to the next just like Overworking or binge watching tv because it's a distraction to the inner healing That you're being invited to do After a relationship ends so Coming back to this title. Why will he choose you over someone else? See I started this conversation. He's ready. He's ready to commit. Maybe he's done the inner work. Maybe he's done Personal development self-help with spiritual work Maybe he studied the books that I talk about. There's a link to all the books. I recommend Maybe he studied the book eight dates. Maybe he said to himself. He wants to be in a serious relationship with someone See when a man makes a commitment to himself That he wants a serious relationship with someone then the way he dates going forward is completely different than the Transactional way most people are dating. What is a transactional way? See the transactional way says I want some companionship. I want some connection. I want some sex And that's all I want. So I'm going to find someone who just meets these transactions for me See, it's not about being a giver in the relationship although men By the way, men seem to think that if they can give a woman an orgasm That's all he needs to do to be a giver if all I've given her is an orgasm I'm being a giver and if all I do is pay for dates I'm covering the provider protector notion of a relationship a lot of men think this myopically they think this narrow mindedness That if all they do is give a woman an orgasm. He's a giver. I mean seriously I'm laughing at this. It's not a funny subject, but I do believe that's the case See truly giving in a relationship really saying I'm ready to commit saying I'm all in I'm all in I'm in other words If you're going through a bad day, I'm going to be there to support you if you need someone to listen to you because you just need to vent I'm going to be here to listen to you and not try to fix things. I'm just going to be here to support you I'm going to help you when it comes to your family if you need some support I'm going to be there for you if you got sick And god forbid you really get sick and you need someone to wipe the vomit from your face Because we've reached a level of love that says i'm in it for the long haul I'm not in it for the short haul See today, it's so easy to enter into these transactional relationships where you can get some companionship met some connection met some sex met And I want you to really ladies think about this. Why would you accept a relationship from a man that that's all he could provide? What's going on inside of you? What needs healing from you to say? I'm going to make a stand for what I want. I am not going to accept breadcrumbs See sadly many of you think you've been chosen and yet all it is is breadcrumbs. He's given you You know what breadcrumbs are it's a little bit of companionship. It's a little bit of connection. It's a little bit of sex It's a little bit of emotions. It's a little bit of feelings, but there's no consistency. There's no There's no real intentionality In the idea of co-creating something And I think Timing plays I've been harping on this word timing I think when two people who meet and they have a natural affinity for one another A natural intentionality in the process a natural curiosity A natural conviction to what they want Then they operate from a much completely different environment. I want to read to you A quote that or a message I got you're gonna love this Okay, so let me I just got this a few hours ago for my facebook page. It says jonathan I've been following you for ages When I met a new man, I followed everything you said apart from the dating vows And I'll talk about the dating vows in a second as you haven't written I hadn't written them yet. She said We just booked our wedding April 19th. You are so right. I used to paint red flags green not this time He is truly showing up as an amazing man. He shows up always intentional being together for two and a half years Why she's sharing this is she was intentional by asking those critically important questions To determine if they were on the same page with one another and if you need some support with that There's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you folks I'm here to help you recognize Okay, let's talk about the six stages of a relationship. This will help you quite a bit Please forgive me. I dropped this on the ground while I was talking now um Oh shoot, I got up the wrong one. Hold on a second So susan johnson who wrote the book Hold me tight Talks about the five stages of relationship. However, by the way, there's a copy of the book um, I just interviewed Uh taize gibson who wrote the book learning to love Highly there's a copy of the book as well And she added one to these six. Okay, so let me share this with you So within the susan johnson's work. She talks about the honeymoon phase the power struggle phase the stability phase The commitment phase and the bliss phase. Okay, or stages. Excuse me What taize gibson added was a sixth and this is actually number one The dating or vetting stage See, it used to be be when like-minded people got together. In other words, they already shared the same values They grew up in the same community. They um shared the same political views They had the same family and friends They immediately went to the honeymoon phase because the honeymoon phase is what bonds to people together See nowadays because we live in a variety of different tribes different ideologies different methodologies of how to live life We actually have to vet for compatibility Before we dive into the honeymoon phase But jonathan i'm just supposed to sit back to my feminine energy and let the man do all the work Why are you making me think so much? This is radically this is hard on me I'm being tongue-in-cheek. Yes Because being vetting dating and vetting is an intentional process. It's determined Are we really compatible with one another before we get on the honeymoon phase? But the thing is man Push the honeymoon phase because guess what we are driven physically by sex I was watching uh Uh series on stars called the white queen And it talks about the king henry eighth period of time of england. This is prior to henry v8 But it's so clear You know these kings all they're and if this was a true statement, but they're all driven sexually They're all driven by the honeymoon stage Because it didn't matter if you're compatible or not because women back in the day were strictly property in many cases Well, guess what you are no longer chattel. You are no longer property You have every right To vet for compatibility and just like the woman who wrote me this message. She was getting married She did that she vetted for compatibility. This is the conscious stage of dating first And then you can get into the You know the love bombing and all the euphoria of romance like see I've always said romance should be reserved for people who are in a relationship Not as an entry point to a relationship I'm going to repeat that romance should be reserved for people who are in a relationship Not as an entry point to a relationship because There is a deception of chemistry that could bond us to the wrong person That's why you got to read this book learning love Learning how how learning how you might bond yourself to the wrong person Because that's the other thing Men choose women oftentimes they choose the wrong person and you're choosing the wrong person as well This is why I said earlier timing Now let me repeat my words again Timing is merely the next evolution that is upon you But within timing the question I invite you all to explore is have you healed Have you gotten really solid on your why do you want a relationship? Have you gotten really solid on who's truly compatible with you? Because just like Neil Warren Clark who started e-harmony. It's either Neil Clark Warren or Neil Warren Clark. I forget he said Compatibility ignited with chemistry Is what turns a relationship on we are such we are a society that hyper focuses on the transactional and the chemistry piece and not enough in the vetting In the compatibility piece to determine if someone is worth choosing and when a man Clearly knows what he wants. He's very selective on who he chooses when men are unconscious. They're broken. They're emotionally constipated And technically there is no such thing as brokenness, but I I'm just sharing it in here They will choose the wrong person over and over again because they they don't know what's right for them And the person that accepts that person doesn't know what's right for them. This is just my observation that many humans experience So at the end of the day folks, I've said a lot of want want want want want Charlie Brown want want want want want what's the bottom line? Bottom line is folks get really clear on who you are as a person and who's truly compatible with you In addition the minute you engage in anything remotely Getting to know another human being be intentional ask deeper questions than the surface Ask deeper questions than the surface to determine compatibility Ask what does commitment look like for you? What does a relationship look like for you? Ask deeper questions to make sure you're on the same page And then be intentional in the process and invite the man Also to be intentional the process because here's the thing I know you all have been indoctrinated that the men are the leaders of the relationship and all you sit back ladies And are rather clueless Not all a lot. Okay But at the end of the day You are in charge of your relationship destiny and don't give that a power away to anyone Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if this did resonate with you Please go to my website Click the group coaching button so you can join my group where this video was shot for This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. It's called midlife love mastery um here i'll put the um I'll put the link right here join my group called midlife love mastery As I said this is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug I'm going to ask him to reach in with the camera and give you a big hug as well I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow You've entered them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye