 Why do humans value money more than their heart? Now you might be thinking, what does this have to do with mixed signals? So give me a second here. But I want you to think about this. Imagine you're on a first date with a man and during the date he says, can I borrow $10,000? And you'd say, hell no. Well, I'm assuming you'd say hell no. Because sadly women do give money to strangers in the online dating world and men do the same thing as well. But it's because you don't know this person. You don't trust this person. Really think about that for a second. And if you asked a man for money, I guarantee you the last thing he'd do on a first date is give you money. And I'm talking about a substantial amount of money. I'm talking thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars. It's because we as humans tend to value money more than our heart. Now why am I saying this? I want you to imagine in our today's dating environment, it is so easy to hook up with another person, to be physically intimate with them, to actually give your heart to another human being whom you barely know, whom you barely trust. Think about this and I'm using money as the analogy. How long does it take for you to know a person to trust them enough to actually say, hey, I'm going through a financial struggle right now. Will you lend me $10,000? I can imagine people that are in relationship right now for years that would never do that because there's a greater value to money than our heart. Now why am I saying our heart? Because I think it's really important to recognize the minute you connect with another human being and they lack a sense of certainty about long-term commitment, you're rolling the dice with your heart. But we wouldn't roll the dice with money. You would have signed contracts. You'd make agreements. You'd put liens on their property. You would ask for collateral. See, in our emotional sense, we ask for no collateral. There are no consequences if someone is disingenuous with you. And the reality is is in our current dating environment we hyper focus on romance as the vehicle to prove trust. Think about it. I've witnessed so many of you say, God, if the guy can't even pay for a cup of coffee, I will reject him. That's kind of ironic, right? Like there's like, and why am I saying this? Because there's these grand expectations of how dating and relationship should be particularly from a romantic perspective. And what I was bringing up the coffee is, well, gosh, if he only took me out for coffee, you know, he's not very worthy. Like it must be something grander to demonstrate a level of worth, okay? So why do men give mixed signals? Well, the reality is, is it's usually because you lack clarity or they lack clarity. See, think about it. When you're unclear about something, you might be thinking one thing, but you're also thinking another thing. And in that space in between is a bit of ambivalence, is a bit of mixed signals. And in these mixed signals, there's confusion to the other person because they don't know how to receive these mixed signals. So where do these mixed signals come from? Well, I think first is the recognition of in the dating process is really getting to know someone to decide if you like them, if you actually like who they are as a person. Now, again, since our dating methodology is clouded over romance, it's designed to, men are designed to be romantic to convince you to like them, okay? They're convincing you to like them because they most likely want something from you, okay? Which we don't know yet in the beginning stages, but ultimately, it's not about how they should impress you. It's really, it's not even about impressing one another. I think the early stages need to identify is do I actually like this person or who they are? And how we get to know another human being is through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, asking deeper value-based questions. See, when you, how you like a person, and let's differentiate between the physically liking a person, that's a really critical form and piece in this equation because we might physically like a person, but do we like this person for who they are? And we lack a sense of clarity if we like a person, we might be having opposing forces. I might physically want to be intimate with you, okay? So they're giving the signal that they want to pursue you, but it might be driven by the physical component of it, but do they really like you from an emotional component? Do they really like you as a human being? You know, I watched a video where Jay Shetty says it takes about 40 hours to begin building a friendship with someone, 40 hours of face-to-face time. Now, those that follow my channel know, I've always said it takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust. And Jay Shetty says it takes about 200 hours of face-to-face time just to build a really good friendship with someone. So think about how much time is invested in the getting to know you and when there's these imposing forces I physically want you and that's the driver of the bus, but they don't know if they like you yet. And let's take this to another level. How long does it take to really love somebody, to actually fall in love with someone? How long does it take for that to really happen? I've witnessed men and women being in relationship for upwards to a year and not really know if they are in love with this person. Now they might care for this person, they might genuinely have deep care for this person. But there's something that love is such an intangible. And it's oftentimes predicated on our childhood wounds and traumas and our love attachment styles because most humans don't really know what it means to truly love another human being and to be loved by another human being. Most humans operate believing that love attachment and this is something I've talked about if you haven't read the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, all the books I recommend are listed below. They find themselves attached to another human being but they're not really actually in love with them from a real true sense of pure heart-centered love. So a man might like you, they might look at it like let me rewind, he might appreciate the companionship you offer, the connection you offer, the sex you offer. But he may or may not like you or he may or may not love you and in those spaces is where the confusion lies, okay? And that's where the mixed signals come from because there's two opposing forces going on. They might like what you provide for them, they might like that you are into them but they're not capable of going deeper. And I think this happens for one primary reason. And this is where the real clarity comes in. Differentiating between the human beings who want companionship, connection and sex versus those who truly want a life partner, truly want a life partner. Why don't you really lean into this for a second? Wanting a life partner. When a man particularly knows they want a life partner, they only invest in women that have a potential for actually meeting that goal, desire, requirement for themselves. And usually within 90 days they can assess whether or not this person is worth investing from a long-term perspective. I've witnessed this is only for those men who are crystal clear they want a life partner. That could mean marriage, I could have a lot of different variations to it but I want you to really think about a life partner and what they're paying attention for is do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles blendable with one another? And more importantly, are you an emotional grown-up? Are they an emotional grown-up to be in relationship? And that's what these men, see when men are crystal clear on what they want, they only pursue women who actually fit that goal. I know when I was in my 20s as an example, or late 20s I should say, I wanted to get married and have children. So I was on the hunt for a wife. And so I had my criteria back then. My criteria was really basic. It was like I was attracted to them, they had a college education and they came from a good home. That was my criteria. I mean, this is sincere. I like that was the criteria. And when I finally met someone who fit that bill, we ended up getting married. Now, I didn't know who the hell I was as a human being. There was a lot of things missing in our relationship because I only had those three criteria, but it made it easy to find someone. And there's more to the story than that. The challenge with those of us in midlife for so many men who have gone through divorce in particular have had unhappy experiences, they don't know what they want. And by the way, ladies, you're in the same boat as well. You're in the same boat as well. I, women come to me for private coaching. By the way, I had a client reach out to me just to send some sincere apologies to me about something that's happened in my life. And she let me know that she had just gotten engaged. You know, I get messages from clients all the time. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and they know the difference because they know that the man who's intentional shows up completely different than those wishy-washy men who want that companionship connection and sex without that clarity. But you ladies are unclear too. I get interviews, I get requests for private coaching and you come to me and you all go, I know what I want, I know what I want, I know what I want in relationship. And the reason why, and then you go through my proprietary coaching program and you know what happens every single time? I get calls like, wow, Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I met the wrong, when I married the wrong person? You see, many of you are unclear as to what you want at a deeper level. You don't really understand compatibility. So just like I had three criteria for compatibility, you know, most anybody could have fit that bill. And today, because we are swimming in a sea of emotional discord, we don't value our heart. And as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, we seem to value money far greater. So let me elaborate on that. I want you to imagine you are in a business arrangement, just to say you and another woman are in a business relationship, you each invested $50,000 in a business. And your responsibility was admin and their responsibility was sales. If one person is letting down the partnership, there's some consequences to happen. You might lose your investment, okay? Or if one person neglects their responsibilities or one person doesn't care anymore and they don't care that they've lost money. But to you, it might be significant. Well, this is the same for our heart. Our heart is much more valuable than money. And yet humans value money way more than their heart. And sadly, men value money way more than your heart. Because guess what? Men do have a greater responsibility in this arena. Let me explain why. Many of you've heard the saying, I quote, and I didn't make this up. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Because let's face it, throughout history, men are the ones who ask a woman to get married. They have the greater responsibility because when you say you wanna marry someone, it says I wanna take care of you. So because of that, men hold the cards with commitment. But what they don't recognize is you might be offering up emotional connection and if they don't live up to their bargain of commitment that could be devastating for you from an emotional perspective because you valued your emotional side way more than they valued your emotional side. Because trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? And I will say men are delusional, not delusional, that wouldn't be fair. Men are inconsiderate of your feelings. Now here's what they do to justify, to rationalize them to themselves. If I don't give 100% to this relationship, I'm not making a promise, I can't keep. I'm not making a promise. That's why men will say things like, let's take it slow. What that really says is, I don't wanna make a promise to you on an emotional level, I can't keep. We have a dysfunctional dating dynamic because the fact of the matter is we're meeting total strangers these days and we know nothing about them. As I said earlier, how long does it take to really get to know another person? It takes a couple hundred hours of face-to-face time just to get to know someone. And we hyper-focus on romance, we hyper-focus on physical connection hoping that somehow we'll fall in love with someone and that's the furthest from the truth. Because real love isn't just, real love isn't being physically intimate with someone, real love is like, I'm going through chemotherapy and will you be sitting by to my bedside wiping the vomit from my face? That is a demonstration of true love. People say the words I love you in such a cavalier way. You know what fascinates me though, ladies? I'm gonna go off on a little tangent. Women come to me all the time wanting to do an autopsy of the relationship they're in. I call it an autopsy, okay? I get coaching calls for this all the time. They want to unpack their current relationship or relationship ended. And what I find is they are completely heartbroken, they are devastated, they're emotionally distraught. But when I analyze the relationship over, let's say it's a couple year period, for half the time they were miserable in this relationship. They were like, so many of you are in relationships, you're miserable and you're hoping magic fairy dust will change this because magic fairy dust changes all relationships. The only way to improve a relationship is through a co-creative experience. And first and foremost, it's being on the same page and it's being really clear, what do you want? I had a client reach out to me with a text message from a man who said, I want a long-term relationship. And she said, I want marriage. And he said, well, good luck with that. Basically is what he said. So it's interesting, he wants a long-term relationship and he doesn't want marriage, like what's the point? Like what does long-term mean? Does long-term mean a week? Does it mean a month? Does it mean two years? Does it mean 10 years? And I'm gonna end it at some point. Now she was merely trying to strike up a conversation and he immediately ran away. Well, to me, marriage is at least an intentional approach to the process. If you don't love the idea of, see, he probably doesn't have an understanding of what he wants coming back to that clarity because what does marriage really mean? Marriage says, I'm committed to this. I'm committed to hopefully co-creating something from a long-term perspective. Long-term relationship says, well, I can just have a good time with you and use you and I can dump you whenever I want because there's no consequences for misleading someone. There are no consequences. It used to be back in the olden days. It could be back in the bow and arrow days or the shotgun days, you know, you'd have someone like me, your big brother, you know, who'd meet a man on a first date with the shotgun pointed at his facing. What are your intentions with my sister? There was a consequence for not being clear and worse, giving mixed signals because you can get shot in the ass. Why does this happen? A lot of men are not clear on what they want, number one. Number two, they're not clear that they like you. They might want you for physical, they might like you from a physical perspective, from a sexual perspective, but that doesn't mean they like you as a person. And then this is the hardest one of all because the reality is folks, love is such an intangible. It's such an intangible. And yes, you can be in relationship for someone for a year and they still not be in love with you. And there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is so many have given their heart to another human being, they've given their power away. And the minute you ladies give your power away to another human being, you are subject to incredible pain if it doesn't work out because you're dependent upon them loving you. We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to want me so I can feel good about myself. And folks, I'm gonna raise my hand. I'm guilty of this as well. I am no, I am no saint here to suggest. I don't have all the answers. I just have lots of questions. And the first question I have for you is, do you love yourself enough to not be attached to another human being and their choices? And do you love yourself enough to operate from a more curious place? Do you love yourself enough to be intentional in the dating process? And do you love yourself enough to set the standards and have boundaries so you can find out if you're both on the same page with one another? And even if you're on the same page and it doesn't work out, do you love yourself to know that no experience or excuse me, every experience has value. Every experience has value if you choose to operate from a place of love. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell. And if you wanna connect with me, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me. You can join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. There's ways to connect with me on Instagram and all that good stuff. All right, it's time for our Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the money's from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's my son who passed away a few years ago. And his honor we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and Seeds of Love. And there's a picture of Connor in the obey shirt. Damn, I miss that little shit. All right, by the way, if you wanna join me live, if you have any questions to ask me, you can hit this link in the chat box as well. All right, let's see what we've got here. Melanie says, yeah, not real love, saying they will go the distance with my disability only let me down time and time again. I do love myself and I know that I just was, that was just a lesson I need to learn. Way to go. All right. Josie says, uh, honestly, I feel like the complexities make it impossible. I've been alone for eight years now and I'd like to share with someone, but it's not looking good. Well, we can look at it from a glass of happy empty or we can redirect that energy and say it's raining great men, it's raining great men, it's raining great men. Violet wants to know, how can we meet quality men outside of the dating apps? Well, I want to differentiate. I'm going to be candid with you. I'm not a fan of swipe dating for a couple of reasons. Now dating apps versus a dating site, okay? There's a big difference. A dating app is basically you look at pictures, you look at pictures, you look at pictures. And when you, when you're swiping left 95% of the time or 99% of the time, I think what that does is internally create all this discord within someone. And sadly, a lot of people create judgment as well. You know, I'm not, you know, like, you know they judge the person. You know, I always invite my clients when you're swiping left is send them a little bit of love just wish them luck, send them love, wish them luck, send them love when you're swiping left, okay? But when you've done that enough time you can get discord, you can, it can create emotional discourse. I think it's actually toxic. Now a dating site has more robust information. There's questions, there's more robust information than there's usually a longer essay, okay? And you communicate via email instead of text messaging. I think that is a better way to approach it. Now, how do you meet people in real life? You gotta be out there. You gotta be seen by single eligible people. Maybe it's going to church. Maybe it's going to personal development workshop. Maybe it's going to places where men hang out like golf courses and hardware stores. But I wouldn't do that for the purpose of meeting. Then go to those because you want to do those. Start joining groups or start asking friends to introduce you to people. But guess what? You have to put yourself out there to be seen. And the beauty of a dating site is you can do it from the privacy or your own home. You just have to weed through a lot more people because you're not aligned to everybody you're gonna meet. That's just the reality of things, okay? By the way, who wants to join me live? Click that link below. All right, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Cupcake has a question. What keeps a man from following through with finding a therapist or watching self-help YouTube links when shared with him? Someone I care for asks for help but has failed to do so. Usually they are not in enough pain. They have pain but they're not in enough pain to make change. Human beings, sadly, wait till they're almost at the pit of despair or devastated or humbled before they make change. That's a very human nature thing to do, okay? Now it's very kind that you sent him a self-help here video that's very sweet and kind of you. And that was a sending some love and he might appreciate it or he might not. See, we only choose to do the work when we're ready. I had to go through losing my high-paying corporate job going through a divorce and losing all my money in the market crash of 2008 and 2009 before I actually said, oh my God, I am in the pit of despair. I need to change things. Now I got seduced by drugs and alcohol for a bit to numb the pain. I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up to numb the pain. But at some point the pain caused me to go, I have to make a change in my life. And it took herculean work for years to dig myself out of the pit of despair. And thankfully I've survived that. Most people don't. They get addicted to pornography. They get addicted to alcohol. They get addicted to drugs. They get addicted to online dating. Actually I was addicted to online dating. Now thankfully it became a portal for my professional life, which I'm fucking grateful for because sometimes even in our addictions, I know a man who was an alcoholic, a gambler. And now that addiction is now, he's an intervention specialist and he's highly successful making millions of dollars a year. See sometimes our addictions are a pathway to deeper healing as well. But to answer your question, most likely it just doesn't feel enough pain to make change. Humans make change based on pain or pleasure. Now oftentimes they also avoid pain and avoid pleasure. So, but cupcake that was a great question. I hope I answered that for you. Crafty as a question. My ex-boss, my ex is my boss. Any tips professionally dealing with a person while navigating the pain? I don't know if I have a good answer for that. That's a tough one. I think learning to operate from a place of neutrality. Something I learned at Insight seminars is learning neutrality. Neutrality means you're not charged one way or the other. So first it's about releasing any pain you have with respects to the ending of the relationship is coming to a place of forgiveness of yourself and forgiveness for him, okay? I think that's first and foremost the most important thing to do because it's about first addressing the pain you feel and I would start with forgiveness and then I would lead into gratitude. And with respects to your professional endeavors you operate from a professional perspective having healthy boundaries for one another and then operating from a place of neutrality. Neutrality simply means you're not gonna get charged one way or the other. And that takes perculean work to practice that crafty. So great question. I hope I gave you a little tiny clue of how to move forward on that. Stay well strong says does a man, investment in a relationship hinge on their goals and abilities to make money? Well, most men identify their identity is wrapped into their professional endeavors. That's just the reality of most people. And to some degree it depends on if it comes from a place of dependency or desperation or a place of passion. Like I have a real, I identify as a dating or relationship coach but it comes from a place of passion and compassion, if you will. So, and I don't believe a man can really show up fully in a relationship if the ground underneath them is in solid. So if his professional life isn't solid, if his emotional life isn't solid, if there's contention in his life, a man nor woman can show up fully in a relationship. So to the extent that they can go fully invest in a relationship is based on how solid the foundation of their life is. Do they have a contentious relationship with the next? That's gonna create an imbalance to their life. They have contentious issues with children. Do they have contentious professional issues? And most importantly, do they love themselves? You know, a lot of people are so deeply wounded from their childhood traumas and adult traumas that it makes it difficult to fully invest in another human being because they're operating from a very empty self-love cup. By the way, if you're not familiar with my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Up Spiritual Work, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. You know, when your love cup is not very full, it's hard to give fully to another human being. Doesn't make them a bad person. Just make some human. You have to recognize that humans are fallible beings. We are all fallible. And yet we hold people to such a standard and yet we don't hold ourselves up to a very high standard. But that's another conversation. All right, thanks for that question. Glam Girl has a question. Why did he come on so strong, move in with me, then cold and now doesn't even want to divorce his wife? Okay, wow. So you moved in with a man who is still married to another woman. I don't, I can't know the why, what's going on with him. But my question is, why did you choose that dynamic? By the way, when a guy comes on strong, he's driven by lust and limerence. He's not driven by love. By the way, love is built. Love is built. It's not a guy peacocking to get you to love them. That's not how love is built. If there was an imbalance, he came on strong. He's here and you're here. There's an imbalance. And then maybe you got seduced by him being here. You got seduced. So you just got sucked in by the devil, so to speak. And I'm using that terminology. You got seduced by it. And just remember, when you get seduced into a relationship, it's not a real strong loving relationship. If you, ladies, when a man love bombs you, you're being seduced. When a man comes on strong, he's being seduced. That's not real love. That's usually coming from a place of lust or limerence. I suspect your relationship wasn't that great to begin with. And it was all driven by him coming strong because he wasn't clear on what he wanted and he couldn't commit to you because he was married to someone else. That's no wonder it's faltered. Here's my suggestion for you, glam girl. What positive things did I learn about myself in this experience? What did I heal in this experience? What was good and what am I most grateful for? Those are the questions I would ask myself. Folks, does anyone wanna join me live? Does anyone wanna talk about the ending of my relationship? You guys have questions for me. I post a question or join me live, okay? Linda is in the house and she says, what if you bonded early on, really fell in love with them and not just saying, wait, and not just saying love me so I can feel good about myself, but then they, all right, where's the follow up to this, Linda? Okay, I think this is the follow up. But then it grows stale and it doesn't seem like they love you back. You know, my son was in a relationship a couple of years ago with a gal for five months and he really liked her. He really liked her company. They were building a friendship. But after five months, he said, I'm just not feeling love for her. And he was really confused by this. He came to me, dad, I really need some help with this. I don't understand why I'm not feeling this. Now it might be that he's more familiar with, you know, love in a different way. In other words, love attachment style or the Amago. By the way, folks, Google, I am a G.O. Amago by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. But that's what he might not been feeling the, some people believe anxiety is where love resides. You know, butterflies in your stomach. That's oftentimes anxiety. But sometimes it's just, you know, it's just your intuition saying, you know, I like this person, but I'm just not feeling something greater. And sometimes it takes five months. Sometimes it takes a year. I think within a year, two human beings should know if they deeply love each other. I think within a year, you should know this, especially for those of us in midlife. But if your love cup isn't full, it can be very confusing. If you're not in a good place in your life, it could be very confusing because you appreciate the companionship. You appreciate the connection, even if you can appreciate even the physical connection. But love is an intangible. So it's, I don't think someone does anything wrong. You know, it's just that they didn't feel it. But part of it is when you don't know what you want, you don't know what you're looking for and that makes coming back to the mixed signal. So that's what could be going on as well. I think when he's a 25 year old man, he's unclear as to what he wants. So in this uncertainty, you go out trying things on for size. And that's just part of the process of getting to know yourself and getting, what's most important was he was integrity with her all along the way. He never said the words, I love you to her because he didn't feel it. But when someone says it, are they saying it from an empty cup? That's another question I would ask. All right, Gigi's in the house. Why do men intentionally seek out pen pals? How does this fulfill them? I find this happening so much today. By the way, Gigi, this is true for women as much as men. I think pen pals is a safe way to connect with another human being without really making much of an investment because they're operating from a place of fear, or operating fear from making a promise they can't feed or keep or fear of deeper connection. Men and women equally operate in this pen pal capacity. By the way, if the men are doing it, there's also a woman doing it too. So why is she accepting pen pals, okay? Let's think about that for a second. So I think it's just coming from a deep place of fear of real, real connection. A lot of people are so afraid to connect with another human being because you might experience an ending of a relationship. And when we've given our power away to another human being, it can feel devastating. It can feel so overly. I've been heartbroken, I've been dumped, I've been used all of these things. There's victim consciousness going on around here. And all of this instead of just going, God, I'm grateful for the experience. I'd learned so much about myself. I healed in so many ways. I'm grateful, but I'm not gonna let this stop me. It's like I fall off the horse seven times, but I'm gonna get up an eight time. You know, love is not, love, love is a risk, folks. Or let me reframe that. Love isn't a risk because love is beautiful. Making effort to be in relationship is a risk. And the reward is love. And that's still the best game in town and many human beings have given up on that. And so pen pals are at least a supplement to it. That's my opinion on that anyway. Thanks so much. Josie says, okay, it's raining great men. Yes, way to go. Oh, wait, wait, that's whatever. Josie said, okay, it's raining great men. It's raining great men. How do I start? Is it okay to make eye contact? Yes, it is absolutely okay to make eye contact. I went out with drinks with a dear female friend of mine. We met on match.com 17 years ago. There was no love connection, but we really connected with one another and we developed a friendship. We live relatively close to one another. And over the years, we've held each other's hands through so many experiences and developed a really good friendship with one another. I've watched her go through her relationship. She's watched me go through my relationships. And we're at the bar last night and there was a woman looking at me and she kept saying, you know, she goes, I'm gonna be your wing woman. I'm like, I'm not ready to be out in the dating realm but there was this woman looking at me and she kept pointing it out. And I was like, I was flattered by it, you know? I was flattered by it. Turns out it was my neighbor. And so she happens to be a single woman but my point in bringing this up is, you know, it was very flattering to have someone look at me. It felt flattering. So anyway, yes, it is a flattering thing to do. Is it gonna result in anything? You don't know. That's why you make the effort, okay? Does anyone want to speak to me? Click the link right here, join me live. By the way, Melanie says, a breakup is a wakeup. Instead of ruminating in the loss, celebrate the gains, exactly. Many of you know my relationship with my sweetheart has ended. And we are doing a very conscious on coupling with one another. We are in coupling with love. There's logistic things to be navigated during this on coupling. We understand the why, we accept the why. Our relationship, I've said this repeatedly. There's so many gifts that came from this relationship. While I wasn't the one who ended it, I understand why. Now, great, thankfully, because we lived together, there wasn't any ghosting, there wasn't any, you know, significant, you know, like we were so interconnected. We knew when I knew something was off for her and then we had a real deep conversation. I think the hardest thing for many of you is you don't really have a real conversation to understand what may be coming up for the person. And most of the time, like in our case, it wasn't because there was a problem with the relationship. It was most of the time the issue lies with the person isn't feeling full within themselves and therefore they can't fully give themselves to another human being. And sometimes we have to do this journey on our own. Sometimes we have other priorities in our lives that make it difficult to actually be in a day-in-day-out relationship. And some people are, by the way, this is why many of you have accepted situationships and many of you have accepted casual relationships. And for a lot of people, that could be just enough. That could be just enough for someone like myself who wants a fully committed day-in-day-out relationship that leads to marriage at some point, there's different necessities in that relationship. And that person can't meet that necessity. That doesn't make them wrong. There's nothing wrong with her. She is a beautiful human being. And let me just say something. I've gotten a lot of criticisms from many of you. I've had some people say, I didn't like her anyway. I didn't think she was right for you. Do you know when people say that that is so fucking insulting? That is so inconsiderate. Well, we could see she wasn't that in you. We could see this, we could see that. You didn't spend any time with us in our relationship. You have no effing clue. By the way, I'm going on a rant here, but I'm saying this for a reason, folks. I am beyond grateful for this experience. If you can't tell, I'm grateful for this person being my life and she's an important human being in my life. If you don't recognize that being a provider protector means protecting someone from cruelty from others, I'm going to stand here with a strong conviction because this is a beautiful human being. She is a beautiful human being, not physically beautiful. She's got a sweet, endearing heart. She's hurting. I understand that. Thankfully, I have enough self-awareness to know that she tried her hardest, but to crucify her by so many of you, that is the rudest thing. If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say it at all. There are so many mean people that want to take advantage of other people and through this social media platform, this happens because it's easier to do it behind the screen. I'm here to say, folks, it's okay to disagree. Listen, folks, that you might disagree with something I have to say. I can totally accept that. You can disagree with me. I'm not saying I'm right. A lot of times I'm just offering up perspective. Perspective is just a way, I want you to look at a prism. It's like you look at it this way, you look at it this way, you look at it this way. You can see something different. I'm just offering perspective. And by introducing her to the channel, I wanted to offer something additional. And yeah, there was sometimes friction between the two of us. We are different. By the way, you're never gonna find a human being that's perfectly aligned to who you are. That is the fucking fantasy many of you are suckling on. It doesn't exist. What I appreciate most was she operated from a place of transparency. So few of you do that. Ladies, you're not transparent. You got duct tape over your mouth when it comes to men. And then you blame men for not reading your mind. And men can be jackasses too, you know, by giving mixed signals and leading someone on. This is why I wanna encourage more authentic communication to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to be transparent, to be intentional in the process so you don't find yourself. We were both intentional in this process. And it, I'm only gonna say it ran its course because that's what it was meant to do. Every relationship is an opportunity for the individual to grow, but we are so conditioned that it has to go the distance. It doesn't have to go the distance. But I encourage you all to be upfront in the beginning because that clarity avoids confusion. And keep in mind that a human can always change their mind. Okay, I went on a rant. Let's keep going. Sorry, I was on a rant, folks. I wanna thank Linda for the $4.99 Super Sticker. Thank you. How do you get over regret? Folks, I lost a child. I have guilt over not doing a better job of protecting them. I have regret over that. Could you imagine if I beat myself for my entire life for that? How miserable would my life be? So the antidote to guilt, to shame, to regret is forgiveness. What does forgiveness mean? Forgiving love, forgiving love. Forgiving love. I give myself love. I forgive him. I forgive me. I forgive everyone. That is how you get over regret, is learning to accept and forgive. Because the past is prologue. You can't change that. All you have is the now and your now creates your outcomes for the future because the choices you make now have ramifications for later on down the road. Hope that helps, E-E-A. And E-E-A says forgiveness. Ugg? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that's how you feel. Darren says, we are here to support you, Jonathan. Love, Marie. Marie's a beautiful human being. Thank you for that. Don't let those negative people get to you. Thank you so much. Christina says, good rant. Thank you so much. By the way, who wants to join me live? I'm making a request. I would like someone to join me right now. I just put the link in the chat box, join me live. You know what you've offered? You said you're here for me, then join me live, okay? I want someone to click that link right now and join me. If you said you're here for me, then do it. Put your money where your mouth is. Ginny says, acceptance is harder than forgiveness, but eventually we come to understand. I don't quantify as hard, okay? But I will tell you that the fact that I accepted Connor's loss allowed me to move into forgiveness much faster. There's no doubt about it. Yeah, we can say hard or it's just something we have to learn to do, okay? But I appreciate that. Thank you, Ginny. All right, Christina wants to say, we are just humans doing our best but not knowing what's around the corner. After guessing our way through it. Yeah, that's why I have my channel to help you avoid the guesswork. Retro girl says, doesn't it can be a deal breaker? I have doubts that you two loved each other but maybe it wasn't enough for her at the time. I could see the love. Again, most of you didn't spend the 24 seven we spent with each other. So you only saw a glimpse, okay? You only see these little glimpses, okay? And maybe she, I mean, I know Marie loves me. This isn't an issue of love. It doesn't, it's not an issue of care. I think we can only fully love someone. I think we can only fully be in love with someone when we're in our love cup is beginning to overflow. But if you're hurting on the inside, if you're suffering on the inside, it's hard to love another human being. And I've done a shitload of workflows. I've been on a 10 to 15 year journey of this. This didn't happen overnight. And sometimes relationships break these open. She even said, I didn't know how much pain I was in until I began this relationship with you. I cracked her open part of it because of what I do for a living. But, you know, there was a reason why I cracked her open because she needed, she needs right now to really, I mean, well, she doesn't need to do anything. She's invited to heal. I've come to realize now that one of my greatest values, I didn't realize this until this relationship ended, that healing is one of my greatest values, my strongest values. So you have to want to be in a healing journey. Anyways, thank you, retro girl. Sharon is in the house. Hi, Jonathan. Is that intentional? Sorry? Is it intentional we can barely see you? Oh, well done. Okay, is that better? There's no white. Well, you're just dark, okay, but go ahead. We actually had a severe thunderstorm here. So I'm actually on my cellular data. There's no power here. Okay, all right. So, yes, I am here for you. And I'm just wondering how are you coping with your feelings and do you have someone that you can talk to? Yeah, so thank you for asking. So it's interesting, I'm having resistance with the word cope. Not to say that I understand what you mean, but I'm having some weird resistance to the word cope. So let's replace the word cope is how are you loving yourself? Might be a better way of looking at it. How am I loving myself? So one is I have a daily meditation practice where each morning for about a half hour every morning, one of the first things I do is I meditate. I do guided meditations and I listen to Abraham Hicks. I listen to Wayne Dyer. I listen to Matt Kahn. I listen to a variety of different podcasts. During this first half hour to hour, okay? And I really during my meditation, I asked myself, what does my higher self, what does my spirit want me to learn today? That's number one. Number two, I have an amazing circle of friends. I mean, I'm surrounded by therapists and healers of all walks of earth in my life and I have very dear friends. And we're processing it. From a very, you know, introspective way, you know, it's not, see, one of the things I didn't do is I don't blame her for where she's at or her choices. I recognize our differences, but I don't blame her for where she's at and the choices she's make. See, a lot of times there is people will focus blame on the other person or worse, they project all of what their criticism about that person, the minute a relationship ends. That is a recipe for disaster, blaming or crucifying or criticizing the other person. So right off the bat, I am already 80% of the way to healing be coming from a place of acceptance. Okay, I truly accept the choice. And I also recognize, pardon me. Good for you. Well, thank you. I also recognize I was like an amazing boyfriend. I'm not gonna take any, I showed up, I showed up as fully present as I possibly could be. Now, I'm also aware there was some, you know, areas that I could still improve upon. There's areas that I could still grow. I'm being called to grow in those areas. So I'm being very introspective in all this. So by unpacking this with people who love me and unpacking it even with people who aren't friends, I even have a coach in my life. I introduced her on a couple of videos ago, Sabrina Rising. We talk about some of the mechanics because unpacking this is like really getting clarity. It helps, see, we learn what we want by what we don't want or what we didn't experience. So those areas of deficiency, I'm like, oh, you know what? I need to be more clear about that. I was given this opportunity. See, I look at Marie as a soulmate in my life, soulmate not to go the distance, not to go the distance, because it's a soulmate to crack me open. And she, by the way, we had a conversation. You're doing well. Yeah, thank you. Take care. I'm doing this for everybody now while I'm sharing this. So the other thing is I had a conversation with her yesterday. Oh, she logged off. So I had a conversation with Marie yesterday and she was expressing so much gratitude for all of the blessings in our relationship. By the way, thank you, Sharon. I want to give you a big, gigantic job than bearhood, but I want to finish this thought. Is that we were both a blessing to each other. Very few people get to have, very few people get to have real closure. This is why I want to encourage everyone to read the book. Conscious Uncoupling by Catherine Woodward Thomas. She's a very dear friend of mine. She's actually in the back of my book. She wrote here a little testimonial in the back of my book. But my point of bringing this up, Conscious Uncoupling, is very few of you actually really get to do a Conscious Uncoupling and guess what? You don't need the other person there to consciously uncouple. So check out the link to the book. By the way, Catherine will be joining us on a live in about, or in a video in about a month or so. So thank you, Sharon. Again, I really appreciate that. Let's see. Christina says, I did some internal blaying of the player, uh, just kept my brain circling terribly. Thank God I moved into clear waters. Yes, we have a habit to circulate, to ruminate, to have a revolving door of blame, shame, criticism, contempt for another human being. Serves no real benefit. Honey, you says mixed signals means he's not into you. He's only here because his best option was not here yet. You know, well, this is a tricky one because how long does it take to be, how long does it take to fall in love with someone? That's a really good question. How long does it, by the way, someone answer me. How long does it take to fall in love with someone? I don't believe in love at first sight. How long does it take before you're willing to sit by someone's side while they're going through chemotherapy and wiping the vomit from their face? How long does it take before your, how long does it take for you to say, your partner says, I'm struggling financially. Can you lend me $10,000? How long does it take? See, just not that into you. How long does it take to become into someone? These are good questions to ask. We have this grand expectation that's supposed to happen instantaneously. I'm just inviting you to answer these questions for yourself, so thank you. Let's see. Christina wants to go, we are all forgiven due to the wild guessing game life is, and if we were there, forgiveness wouldn't be needed because we'd simply understand the human condition exactly. See, for example, I don't even need to forgive Marie anything. There was nothing to forgive. She gave love the best she could. I gave love the best I could. There's no forgiveness needed. Other than maybe the little kid inside of me that wanted something more, I might need to forgive myself. Maybe, you know, I can criticize her little kid or adult, but there's no forgiveness needed. When you're coming from a full love cup and you haven't given your power away. Heidi is in the house. Hi, good morning. Good morning. So you're talking about how long does it take to fall in love, right? Yeah, that's a question I have. What do you think the answer is to that? Well, I feel like I've never fallen in love with this before in any previous relationship. I've never been in love until just a year ago I met somebody, I think probably into going into too much work, I started thinking to myself, wow, I think I'm in love with this person. Because this person, I wanted them to just be happy. I was just there for them just unconditionally. You didn't, nothing else really mattered. In my other relationships, there was nothing but this, but that. So my issue is that a year later, now that we're not dating anymore, it's perfect about being in love. But we managed to go from dating to friendship. So now I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do a bit of a signal here. You can say who's in love and I'm still all in, but. Wait, let me be clear. Heidi, let me be clear. You guys ended your relationship, but you were still in love with each other? He never made it to that point. He never made it to that point in the relationship from the fall in love, because like you were saying, he says I could turn a little longer to fall in love. Which I respect. When anyone says, they say and make a statement, it takes me longer to fall in love. I'm always suspicious of something like that. That's in the moment, kind of pushing it off to the future. Now, I do believe when two people are truly in a good place in their life, they're in a good place emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally in a good place. They usually arrive to loving each other at usually around the same time. What typically happens is when we become attached to another human being, that's disguised as love. This is why I talk about the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Sometimes you're not experiencing loving the person, you're attached to the person, okay? Here's the thing, I mean, I guess the question I would invite, so the question was how long does it take to love a person? That's an intangible, it's an unknown, there is no real answer. I think when two whole beings get together, it happens rather quickly. I think when emotionally, human beings that are struggling emotionally, they might get attached to another human being believing it's love, okay? So the question is now, what do you two do forward? I think it's important to have very serious conversations and deciding are we gonna re-explore our relationship together and what does that look like? Because the problem with being friends with one another is oftentimes those friends are just dependencies in your life, they depend on you for energy and connection and whatnot, but it doesn't necessarily mean because to me, a real friend is like, look, I'm moving tomorrow, will you help me move furniture? That's a real friend. But in which this man might do, but really, I think it's important to, if it's gonna be friendship, then let go of any attachment to any future outcome romantically and put your energies elsewhere if you want a romantic life partner in your life. Does that make sense, Heidi? Yeah, I think that's what I've been trying to do because I can't move forward with friendship. I can't move forward with friendship. I've been very transparent with him, and I want a relationship with him. This is not at the place where he can do that. So if you can't move forward with friendship, establish a clear boundary of non-communication for a period of time. I don't think it's, I think it's still healthy to be friendly with another person, but you don't have to be in daily communication, weekly communication, and I would set up a healthy boundary to cut off any regular communication with one another. Does that make sense? Yeah, how do I get them to respect their boundaries? Do they try to? Well, if you, by the way, you make a request, and if they're unable to meet the request, you block them on your phone, and if need be, you put out a restraining order, I mean, to request a boundary, okay? That's, I mean, if it gets to that point where they're not agreeing to your boundary, you make a request, and if they're not willing to submit to that, then you might have to take legal action, okay? All right, Heidi, thank you so much. I'm giving you a big gigantic chocolate bear hug. Thank you. By the way, I wanna give a little bit of acknowledgement to Sharon right here. Thank you for the $13.99 super sticker. I wanted to say that the difficult part of breakup when you live together is feeling of loneliness at the home afterwards. I hope you're adjusting well with that. You know, it's interesting. So I did feel the space for the first couple days, and I'm re-acclimating to, we were, there was so much a measurement, I'm re-acclimating to my eye, my own sovereignty. And yeah, I mean, it's quiet. So one of the things I've done is I made sure that there's always background music going on, whether the TV is playing something from YouTube, or I've got background music. That's one of the first things I did, because it just offers like, you know, just calm meditation type music. It makes me feel a little less alone. I've certainly connected with friends. I've gone for more walks. But I'm also learning to re-appreciate the quiet. But actually, look at when you spend too much time with someone, you actually kind of go the other end of the pendulum and I appreciate the quiet. Not that, by the way, not that Marie was loud in any sense of the word, but I do appreciate the quiet at the same time. I'm also feeling my feelings. All of the feelings that are coming up, I'm allowing myself to feel those feelings, not to suppress them, but to feel it and to be aware of it and go, oh, I'm feeling a little lonely right now. Oh, that's interesting. Ah, I have something called a peace process where I do diaphragmatic breathing where you breathe from your belly to really calm the nervous system. Breathing is an amazing tool to center yourself, to regulate your emotions. You know, most humans do a terrible job of regulating their emotions. Thankfully, I've had to practice and have been doing this for a very long time that I'm much better at it now than I ever was before. But believe me, folks, I am still a flawed human being. I am by no means this substantially enlightened human being, I'm a work in progress, like we all are. I just choose to have a regular practice at it. Thank you, Sharon, I appreciate that. Miss Manager says, can a situation ship with no clarity and both parties tried other relationships and serious things he didn't tell me until now that comes back to wanting commitment? What will I lose? You lose nothing. Every relationship has a purpose. When you give your power away, you've lost. You have nothing to lose when you give your power away. You have nothing, like, I'm grateful that I went all in in this relationship. I am grateful for, I mean, I'm really proud of how I showed up for the most part. I don't think I could say that in my marriage. I know I can't say that in my marriage. And I certainly, and I didn't do that in my significant relationship after my marriage. And believe me, I was a player. I mean, gosh, ladies, I was such, not a player, that's not a fair statement. I was such a train wreck and I was so addicted to female energy that, unbeknownst to me, I used women for that, you know, that temporary high. And then I would end it with them. I mean, I usually had a six week direct trajectory. I took off for six weeks and then I crashed and burned in a six week period. And it would be faster than that in some cases. I was out of integrity with myself because I wasn't, I was out of integrity with them because I was out of integrity with myself. Made me human. I'm laughing. I mean, I'm sorry if anyone ever felt hurt in any of my past encounters. I genuinely apologize. I apologize for being broken. But then that would be shame. If I'm apologizing for being broken, am I gonna go into guilt or shame? What value does that have for me? I apologize for being broken. I forgive myself. And my hope is you forgive me for being broken. That's the forgiveness is the antidote. Forgiveness and gratitude are the antidotes to suffering. Those are the two, that's the recipe for love. Ah, loving someone, change of perspective. What a miracle is, is when we can change our perspective and love. Anyway, those are just some rough thoughts. Ah, let's see. Christine says, I'm not chasing man ever. If he goes, I'm thankful now. Okay, Julie says, another relationship to maintain your morning routine. You know what? I gotta take ownership of this. I was in such the bubble with our relationship. I got, I got, I abandoned my daily practice. Yeah, I really, I mean, I got sucked in and seduced to the bubble of just the joy, the euphoria and the friendship and the camaraderie. And I abandoned my practice. And I hope, I really hope I don't do that again. All right, let's keep going here. Cupcake says, each relationship should feel like a more healthy relationship if you're doing the inner work, in my opinion. Very, way to go. Oh, Heidi says, can you explain the soup? Heidi, in the chat box, there's a little dollar sign. That's, if you click that and you can make a donation to my channel, those monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. Let's see, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Brian's in the house. I love it when guys are in the house and never play in another backyard when you have a beautiful lawn. I don't know what that means, Brian. Speech Girl said, wanting if a dog would be nice. You know what? I love dogs, I really do. I just don't want the responsibility for them. And I don't want to choose a pet from a place of dependency for me anyway. But pets are a huge responsibility. And I don't live where I, if I had a backyard right out my back door, I would probably do that. But for me, I don't want to do that. But I love pets and, but pets can be, pets can be more problematic than children. Anyway, let's keep going here. Let's go. Do you have a question? Brian says, don't cheat. I would agree, don't cheat, okay? Thank you for your transparent responses. You're very welcome. Miss Manager wants to give us a $4.99 super sticker. Thank you so much. Oh, Cupcake wants to say, I think what Brian means if you're in a good relationship, don't flirt or entertain another person simultaneously. Yeah, I would agree with that. Why muddy the waters with that? That's just a recipe for disaster. Do you guys have a question? Diane wants to know, did, yes, our relationship did end. Watch the video I did last week, letting go. Let's call it letting go. Watch that video and it tells you the more detailed story. McCoy says, I have been there before and had people question me on what I do. And now I'm at the point where if they, if they're not okay with it, I say no. You know, it took a risk folks to put myself out there with my partner at, you know, with our relationship. And when I say it took a risk, you know, I think I knew Marie, what, well, first off, Marie and I talked about the fact that she just didn't have, you know, the professional wherewithal to give advice. She didn't feel in that way. And to the extent that this is, you know, I have a professional wherewithal with that, that was a contrast between the two of us. And sometimes we had differences of opinion. The other thing is, you know, while she enjoyed, I mean, she had fun doing it. She also felt at the same time she felt awkward. It was awkward at times to answer questions to be put on the spot. And, you know, not that, and we talked, by the way, we would finish a broadcast and go out for a drink afterwards and have a good time talking about it. But it sometimes was probably awkward to you all because she's not immersed in my professional capacity. However, I gotta tell you something, I would sit and talk to her after a coaching session with a client to get perspective. And sometimes she would provide valuable insight. Marie has these qualities that I so admire in her. She has a way of seeing things that I couldn't see. So I've always been very grateful for that. So I'm just sharing this with you all is, you know, there's no, you know, listen, I said it was a risk to bring her on. And I'm only as that, it's, you know, I'm here to be a role model. And I hope I do my best to role model of being a good communicator and a good requesting, you know, authenticity, transparency, vulnerability, intentionality. I hope I'm a good role model with that. And I hope I role modeled what it, you know, what a relationship looks like and how to end a relationship in a healthy way. I hope I role model that to some degree. But at the most important thing, I'm also a role model of just sharing what I think this thing called life is all about. And they are all a string of experiences. And if we give our power away and we get attached to outcome, I think we miss out on the juiciness of what life has to offer. Okay, anyway, that's just two cents. Thank you. To Marie, thank you for your part in helping us learn from each other. Raw, real openness can be very helpful. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. CC goes on to say, I thought Marie handled everything with grace. I enjoyed hearing her perspective. Yeah, it's one of the things I admire about her. She has, she really does can't handle things from a level of grace. I wanna give speech girl some props for the $1.99 super sticker. You are full of great advice and we're learning. I'm so happy to hear that. And Shannon wants to go on to say, it was never awkward when Marie was go hosting. Thank you so much. Sandy says, yes, that was the question I asked that you missed. I don't remember, I don't recall it, but thank you so much. Melanie wants to let us know, I gave my power away and it was so dumb when my children needed me. People without then do not understand. Yeah, when we give our power away and we make someone else responsible for our emotional needs, our physical needs, any of our needs, when we make our happiness predicated on someone else, we are, we are, we're not honoring ourselves. I think this real, the reason why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work, folks. As I recognize that the journey to self-love is a lifetime endeavor. And love, self-love means self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance, self-confidence. It's all those self-words. I just, we incorporate it into love because love is a powerful, powerful force on the planet. It can change lives. It can change directions. It can change humanity. Imagine if everybody held hands together right now and loved each other. Imagine how the world would be different. We're swimming in a sea of our own dysfunctionality. And so that's why it's not about everyone else. It starts by putting the oxygen mask on yourself first and then spread love as best you can. I do it through my channel. This is how I spread love. I hope I, am I making a difference in your life? If you, if I am, say, Jonathan, you're making a difference in my life. Say, amen. All right, thank you so much for that. Do you think late life dating is more difficult, seems older people mostly done with long-term? Yeah, I think, I want to address this. So when you're in high school and in college, you are surrounded by single eligible people. To have more opportunity to connect with people, okay? Or if you live in a town where there's a real camaraderie, a community, you're surrounded by more people. As we age, the demographic begins to change and we are no longer physically in the presence of people in our daily lives that are single and eligible. Number one. Number two, the vast majority of human beings are rather deeply wounded as they age, or they've, excuse me, they've unhealed childhood wounds and traumas. So now it's harder to find people, not only is it hard to meet single eligible people to find someone who's whole enough to enter into a relationship. So yes. And lastly, when you're in your 20s and 30s, you usually have a direct course. I want to get married and I want to start a family in midlife. There's a lot of confusion because there's blend, it's harder to blend lives than to write a life together in your own first script. So yes, Lisa, that is very prevalent. Okay, let me just read this. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Okay. Amen, amen, lots of amens. Okay, one of our Facebook members just joined in. I've been seeing a man most of 2023. Contact is less and less, only see each other on Fridays for a few hours. He came to help me during the week and left. He travels a lot. Every time he comes back, he is distant, goes, we are very clearly in a situation ship. What do I say to him? Make requests. Folks, you can either request clarity, you can make a request on clarity, you can make a request, find, well first, figure out what you want, okay? You got to figure out what you want and then you make requests for what you want and if you can't meet it, then move on. That's all, that's simple. Figure out what you want, then make requests. Jonathan, you're making a difference in so many lives. Thank you and sharing so transparent with us and appreciate the helpfulness. Thank you so much. All right, Didi wanted to ask this earlier, dude, the same dating rules apply to dating a widower. I like a guy, but his communication is inconsistent. His wife died two years ago. We dated 30 years ago. When a widower loses somebody they deeply love, it takes them longer to heal. When a person has had a contentious relationship, it might take them longer to heal. When a person has given their power away to another person, it might take them longer to heal. So I wouldn't, the only thing about a widower is, especially if they have children with this widower, is that that person is always gonna be in that person's life. And so accepting that is part of your role in dating a widower, okay? You know what folks, I'm actually, okay, so I have a real confession to make and I'm gonna wrap up on this. I'm heading off to do a plant-based medicine ceremony with a shaman this weekend. I'm really excited about that. I'm inviting my higher consciousness, my spirit, my higher self to connect with me to really help guide me going forward as this transition is happening in my life, but also recognizing that there's more work to be done. So I'm doing a ceremony with a group of about six people. I want you to Google plant-based medicine ceremonies. There's a variety of different medicines, including psilocybin, including cannabis, including San Pedro. Certainly there are chemical-based ones, including MDMA and ketamine and other types of medicines to help break down the ego and really connect with your heart at a more heart-centered level. I'm choosing to do this with another friend of mine where, as I said, I'm going to, he's not real shaman, he's more of a coach, but he's a great facilitator. He and his wife. I'm sharing with this you because folks I invite you to look up, healing through plant-based medicine. Costa Rica does this, Peru does this. You know, there's all parts of the country here in the United States that do this. It's an opportunity for inner healing. I recognize now that one of my highest values is the value of healing, healing those parts of us, those little scared parts of us. And I'm riddled with my own insecurities. I've got lots of insecurities. I'm owning it, you know, do they rule my life? No, well, that's not true. Some of my insecurities, I was deeply wounded in my childhood by a teacher that said to everyone in the classroom that I was stupid. Linda wants to say, and the answer is yes. So, and that was a deep wound for me and I'm still healing that, you know, that belief that I'm not smart, you know? And I know many of you go, how can you have that belief, Jonathan? It's just, these are things that have been so deeply grooved and it's work to heal it. It takes work. That's why, by the way, I forgot to mention, I also have an evening meditation practice. I use an app called ThinkUp to record my own affirmations. It's called ThinkUp, but I record my own affirmations and I listen to them, you know, right before going to bed. That's another thing. You record your own affirmations and listen to it. They put nice music there. But I really value inner work. I'm fascinated with human beings. I'm fascinated with human behavior. I'm fascinated with dysfunctionality, my own particular. You know, I'm unafraid to share it because I think when we can embrace our humanity, when we can embrace our, I don't wanna use the word flaws, but our own insecurities, when we can embrace and be unafraid to share them, not that you go, you know, by the way, it's not about constantly vomiting this, it's not it, you know, but I think when I'm fascinated with human behavior, I'm fascinated with, I'm fascinated, let me say it this way. I believe a true miracle is choosing love, is choosing love. How can we love ourselves? How can we love others? How can we, how can we, how can we, even if someone's an enemy, how can we love that person? I'm fascinated by that. How can we do that? Or rather than how can we do it? The first question I asked Cal, but the second is just, can we do it? Can we do that? Can you do it? Can you love someone even if you don't like them? Can you love someone? Can you just send love to someone? This is why I share with dating apps. You know, if you're on a dating app and you're swiping left, I always say, send them love. I'm sending you love. I'm sending you love. I'm wishing you the best. Even if they don't, you're like, oh my God, the guy's holding a fish and he's standing in front of his Ferrari or he's missing two friends deep. How can you send that person love? It's my invitation for all of you. All right. I think we've done plenty enough for tonight. When a man sends you mixed signal, here's what he's thinking. He's just lacking clarity. Just lacking clarity. By the way, the manager talks, the course and miracles teaching helped me to forgive and grieve exactly. By the way, folks, this is a thick fucking book. I spent three years in a study group every single day learning the lessons in this book. There's 365 lessons. Highly recommend checking it out and do it in a study group. It's hard to do this on your own. All right. I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. Did you find value in this? If you did, say, Jonathan, I found value in this conversation. Did I make a difference in your life? Let me know. Give me an amen or give me a heart. God, universe, spirit, I invite love for everybody to open their heart, to truly open their heart, first and foremost, to love themselves, forgive those nooks and crannies in you that beat you up and crucifies you. To love that ego that sometimes takes you down dark, takes you down dark paths. To love others, to recognize that the real joy in life is when we can spread love and joy as much as we can. Can we pay it forward? I do it through my YouTube channel. I invite everyone, how can you today pay it forward just to give someone else a little bit of love today right now? And even a stranger, how can you send and spread a little love to someone you don't know? Not how, can you do it? Will you do it? And how you do it is up to you. God, universe, spirit, I invite that in for everyone who's watching today. We got this far and watched today. Thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you following my channel. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Hit that notification bell. If you need to connect with me, check out all the links below. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram. Check out all the books I recommend and all the other links below. And big hugs to you all. Patricia wants to say, I found value in this conversation. I appreciate that. Captain says, thank you, Jonathan. I'm grateful for your open, loving heart and generous spirit. Thank you so much. Folks, I'm gonna sign off with a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. Please excuse the pit stains. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give itter them a hug of love. Because when hugs are a great source of love, hugs are a great source of love and we can all use a little love today. Thank you so much. Thank EA and Susan and Facebook and Debbie and Joan and Nancy and Christina and Captain and Carol and Patricia and CeCe and Cupcake and Buttercup and Brian, Intuitive Life Australia, Miss Manager, Retro Girl, JB, Speech Girl, Honey U, Tracy B, Linda, Lisa, Sherry, everyone. Heidi, thanks so much. Have a fab day. Bye now.