 الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثناء الجميل واشدوى الله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول الحقا وهو يهدي السبيل واشدو أن سيدنا ونبينا محمد صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد هذه هي أسئلة الثانية في فق أسرة الأسئلة التي سنذهب لها اليوم هي 10 أسئلة هذه الأسئلة ستكون عن 10 أسئلة أولا هي ما يستحب فعله إذا دخل على زوجته ما يفعله ما يفعله when one first goes to his wife the first night what is one meant to do will talk about that إن شاء الله number two the obligation of the wedding feast the obligation of a wedding feast number three it is recommended for the guests to abide by the two following issues the people the guests who are invited at the wedding they need to abide by two issues it is recommended for the guests to abide by the following two issues number four how many women can a free man marry how many women can a free man marry number five women that one is prohibited to marry women that one is prohibited from marrying the sixth to be the breastfeeding that makes one ineligible for marriage the breastfeeding that makes one ineligible for marriage number seven women that one is temporarily forbidden to marry women that one is temporarily forbidden to marry number eight number nine the rights of spouses the rights of spouses and in there point number nine the rights of spouses in this point I'm going to tackle it from two the first one is the rights of the woman upon the husband and I'll start with that and then the rights of the husband upon his wife those two they fall under point number nine and the tenth and final point that we will discuss today Insha'Allah is marital disputes marital disputes disputes الخلافات الزوجية marital disputes argumentations and discord the way that I plan to speak about this one is in three points the marital disputes I plan to go over it in three points Insha'Allah the first one is علاج نشوز المرأة كورing the first one is this is the marital dispute between the couples I'm going to speak about three points from there number one is علاج نشوز المرأة كورing I'm solving improper behavior inappropriate behavior on the part of the woman improper behavior on the part of the woman improper solving improper behavior on the part of the woman the problem is coming from the woman she's coming with improper improper behavior the second one is علاج نشوز الرجولي improper solving and curing improper behavior behavior on the part of the husband the man this is the second and the third one is and the final point for today's is كيف الأمر إلى اشتد الخلاف بين الزوجيلي what should be done if the discord the disputes the differences between the spouses grows grows stronger if it becomes severe what should be done what should be done if the discord between the spouses grows stronger and they have big differences how do they solve it that's today إن شاء الله تعالى today's class إن شاء الله تعالى on the فقوة family are you excited about the topics is everybody excited point number one the first point was what is recommended to be done when one first goes to his wife what is recommended is إن شاء الله تعالى it is recommended for the husband to be very kind to his wife that is kind soft tender specifically should he do that first night كأن يقدم لها he brings forward he gives to her something to drink the man gives the woman something to drink and this is based upon the hadith of أسماء بنتي يزيد this is based upon the hadith of who أسماء بنتي يزيد she said إني قيانتوا عائشة لرسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم she said I beautified I beautified عائشة for the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم I beautified her ثم جئت to who when she beautified عائشة she made her look good أسماء بنتي يزيد she went to the prophet she said عائشة is now ready for you go to her the messenger he entered on to عائشة and he came in and he sat right next to her فجاءة فجلس إلى جنبها فأوتية فأوتية برسن لبنن and the messenger was given a large cup of milk and so he drank from it صلى الله عليه وسلم عائشة رضي الله تعالى عنها عائشة was very shy so her head went down and she was very shy أسماء بنتي يزيد is watching this she said to her stop what you're doing meaning don't be like that take the cup from the prophet take it from her take it from him صلى الله عليه وسلم and she took it from the prophet and she drank from it so this is the first thing that the prophet did with his wife عائشة رضي الله تعالى عنها second thing that the person should do is أن يضع عيده he should place his hand على مقدمة رأسها the beginning of her head in two ways you can either put his hand on the forehead or you can grab her hair a bit of her hair and what he does when he does that is he asked Allah to descend on him and bring down on him and this is based on the hadith that إذا تزوج أحدكم إمراح if one of you marries a woman أو اشترا خادما or he buys a slave فليأخد بناصيتها grab the forehead of the wife and say بسم الله and say بسم الله وليدعو بالبركة and beg Allah and ask him to send بركة on you and this is what you say اللهم إني أسألوك or I ask you من خيرها the good that is in this woman and the good that is in this situation وخير ما جلبتها عليه and I ask you or Allah I ask you for her good and the good of what you have placed in front of me وَأَعُذُ بِكَا أَوَ اللَّهَ أَيْسِيقْ رَفِجْ إِنْ يُنْ يُنْ يُنْ شَرِّهَا the evil in her and the evil that can come from this this is the dua that the person makes and it's recommended third thing it's recommended that they pray تُرَكْ عَا تَجَدَى وَيُستَحَبُّ لَهُ مَا إِنْ يُصَلِّي يَا رَكْ عَتَيْنِي that they pray تُرَكْ عَا تَجَدَى this is based upon two evidences it's based on two evidences the first one is the evidence of أبي سعيد مولى أبي أسيد and the second one is the story of شقيق both of those evidences prove that the person should should pray تُرَكْ عَا with their partner and the evidence shows that the woman's at the back and the man's at the front never does the man and the woman pray next to each other shoulder to shoulder she will be in the back and he prays تُرَكْ عَا with her this is before they come into contact with each other now if they have an intimate relationship if a man should say بسم الله اللهم جنبنا الشيطان وجنب الشيطان ما رزقتنا أو الله distance shaitan from us and also distance شيطان from our offspring the messenger said فإن قضي بينهما this intimate relationship that they had if a child comes out of it ولد لم يضره الشيطان شيطان will never die شيطان will not harm them ever this is the prophetic guidance you see at the early stage in Islam you're starting off your family correctly you're putting everything in what in the right direction from the woman that you chose from the first night you don't just jump on the woman you take these protocols you do these steps these steps are there to what to bring out khair and blessings for us you make dua you supplicate so this is what you say if Allah gives you a child from this شيطان will not come into contact with that child the intimate relationship that the wife and the husband have the sharia has also spoken about it the man has to have intimacy with the wife from the front not from the back passage Allah said in the ayah that your wives your spouses are a tilth for you so go to your tilth when or how you will what is the context of the ayah the ayah came down the ayah came down as جاب الرضي الله تعالى عنه mentioned كانت اليهود يقول the Jews before Islam they used to say إذا أتر رجل if a man has intimate relationship with his wife امرأته من دبورها في قبولها if he has intimate relationship from the front but from the back if he has a child the child will be cross-eyed they used to say the child will be what cross-eyed فنزلت this ayah came down your wives are your tilth and here what it means is as long as the intimate penetration and the intimate relationship is happening from the front whatever direction is not a problem عبد الله بن عباس also mentioned another story or another سبب ونوزول which is both of them are the same he said كان هذا الحي من الانصار the people of Ansar who were their neighbors with three tribes of Jews right and those are the three tribes of the يهود the Jews they believed this concept that if the man has intimate relationship with his wife from the front passage but she is not on her back they used to believe that this will affect the child's eyes the child will be cross-eyed this was their belief انصار what I do worshippers they didn't have no scripture so they looked up to who and so they took this from the Jews they took it from them and so when they took it from the Jews مهاجر who came from Makkah had married an Ansari woman and he had intimate relationship with her with her not lying on her back and so then she said to him get away from me this is evil what you are trying to do and so the issue reached the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and this ayah came down نساءكم حرث لكم فأتو حرثكم الناشئ the man is not allowed to have intimate relationship in the wife in two situations one he is not allowed to have intimate relationship with her while she is on her menstruation he is not allowed to and he is not also allowed to have intimate relationship from her back passage the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he said من أتحائبا anyone who has sexual intercourse with his wife while she is on her menstruation أو امرأة في دبورها or he comes and has intimate relationship with her from her back passage أو كاهنن or he goes to a fortune teller he mentioned in the context of a fortune teller فصدقه and he believed the fortune teller بما يقول what he says فقد كفر بما أنزل على محمد he has disbelieved in that which has been sent on the name of Allah again it doesn't mean أكبر it means what so it's very dangerous it is what it's very dangerous if a man has intimate relationship with his wife with the intention of getting closer to Allah by it أو he's doing it because he wants to be chast chast mean he wants to be أفيف here i am i got married i'm doing it in a halal way he does it with that intention he will be rewarded for it he will be rewarded for it and it will be considered asadaqah and the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he said in the hadith of abidar صلى الله عليه وسلم a group of the companions of the messenger قالوا للنبي they said to the prophet يا رسول الله يا رسول الله they have taken all of the reward يصلون كما نصلي they pray with us just like we pray they pray و يصومون كما نصوم and they fast the way that we fast و يتصدقون بفوضول أموالهم but they have an additional thing that we don't have they have money to spend they give out their money then the messenger said to them أوليس قال يجعل الله لكم has Allah not given you ما تصدقون صدقة that you can give there is a sadaqah that you guys can give as well what is it إلا بكل تصبيحة صدقة every subhan Allah there is a sadaqah و بكل تكبيرة صدقة every Allah is the biggest there is a sadaqah in it و بكل تهليلة صدقة every time you say لا إله إلا الله there is a sadaqah و بكل تحميدة صدقة every time you say الحمد الله there is a sadaqah و أمر بالمعروف و النهي عن الممكن صدقة call into the good and in joining the good and forbidding the evil is a sadaqah as well و في بطع حادكم صدقة and even in the intimate relationship that you have with your spouses is a sadaqah so the sahabas were caught of God they weren't expecting that قالوا يا رسول الله they said oh messenger of Allah أيأتي أحدنا does one of us come with شهوته does one of us fulfill his desires و يكون له فيها أجر and he gets reward for it قال the messenger said رأيتم do you not see لو وضعها في حرام what about if he was to fulfill his desires in haram and he was to do zina كان عليه وزرن will he not get a sin for it will he not get a sin for it صحابه said of course then the messenger said فكذلك إذا وضعها في الحلالي the same as if he was to do it in حلال there has to be reward for it إذا وضعها في الحلالي كان له أجرن he gets a reward for this this is called قياس العكسي the messenger used evidence to its opposite used the opposite as an evidence so the intimate relationship that you have with your spouse if you come with the right intention you can get rewarded for it it's عبادة it can become an عبادة that's why in the English language the word عبادة saying worship is very weak because the English language they cannot fathom they have an intimate relationship with your spouse is a worship what are you talking about but for us the term عبادة is a broad term it's a general term are we all together that's why it's weak to use the word worship because worship is only restricted to what when you enter the church or when you enter the place of عبادة or the place you want to worship like if for us عبادة could be every day of your dealings with your family the Prophet ﷺ said in another hadith عليه الصلاة والسلام about if a man takes a spoon and a food and he places it حتى ما تجعله في فيه مراتب you take a spoon and you put it in your wife's mouth you can get rewarded for that and it's amazing because شاية طارف سبحان الله works in different ways you might provide for your wife and you might give her money every month which you should do as a man and you provide for your family but you don't get rewarded for it because you didn't come with the what with the intention he will make you forget to come with the intention you could get rewarded for providing for your own children and your wife and your family members and your parents if you just come with the intention are we all together intentions are very important and this teaches us something very important about Islam is that the Muslim is always conscious about all of his actions his surroundings the Muslims always alert he's not heedless he's not a ghaafil absent minded that's very important we now move on to the second point which is وضوب الوليمة ووليمة is obligatory the obligation of a wedding feast some of you might ask and you might wonder to yourself why would you be mentioning the wedding after you spoke about intimate relationship and the partners are together already the wedding should have been mentioned early اه no, not necessarily the ووليمة is done بعد الدخول after the nikah is done the ووليمة is done when بعد النكاح بعد الدخول after the man has entered onto the onto the woman that's when it's actually done عبد الرحمن بن عوفن رضي الله تعالى عنه he did his ووليمة after he entered onto her after the nikah was done you have to understand if the nikah is what is what makes it lawful for the wife and the husband to interact to meet one another to have a relationship that's the nikah the nikah it's the contract the ووليمة it's done after بريد ابن الحصيب he said لما خطب علي فاطمة رضي الله تعالى عنها when Ali got married to Fatima and the the sermon was done the messenger said إنه لابد للعرس من ووليمة the messenger he said a wedding must have a it must have a wedding feast the nikah there has to be a feast something has to be done the prophet said what about the prophet said ووليمة that's the amr from the messenger so some scholars they took from there that it's obligatory these are the following things that need to be observed in the wedding feast these are the things that need to be observed and they need to be looked at okay it has to be done it should be done three days after three days the wedding feast should be for three days after الدخول after they the consummation is done after the consummation is done three days because this is what has been transmitted from the messenger in the sunnah the hadith of النسم الماليكن the messenger got married صفية صفية وجاء على اتقها صداقها and the messenger remember she was taken as a captive when the messenger married her the dowry was her being freed that was her dowry وجاء على الوليمة ثلاثة أيام and the willim was done when three days after the consummation number two the second thing that needs to be observed of course it doesn't have to be three days it can be the same time no problem it's not an obligatory the three days is not obligatory it's just that the wedding feast needs to be done but the sunnah what is recommended and should be done is like this number two أن يدعو الصالحين إليها فقراء أن كانوا أو أغنياء the second thing is the righteous people should be invited to the willima to the wedding feast the righteous people should be invited to it whether they are rich or poor doesn't matter they should be righteous people and this is based on the hadith of the prophet where he said لا تصاحب إلا مؤمناء the messenger said do not be companions and do not be a friend except the righteous people be friend righteous people ولا يأكل طعامك and do not let your food be eaten إلا تقيون except the righteous person don't let your food don't let anyone eat your food just a righteous person a pious person so your wedding only invite the righteous people don't call gangsters and thugs and criminals or I used to know him in school he's my friend I know him he knows me we're best friends no this is your wedding call the righteous people and sometimes those righteous people can be rich no problem and they can be what? only for the poor the prophet SAW he said the worst food is the food of the wedding feast those who want to come are prevented from it and the ones who don't want to come are being told to come and anyone who doesn't obey the calling has disobeyed Allah and his messenger if you've got a valid reason why you couldn't come that's no problem if there's no reason for you if you don't accept that call you've disobeyed Allah and his messenger are we all together so what does it mean that the ones who want to come are being stopped it's the poor and the rich they're too busy they don't want to waste their time that's what the hadith means because another hadith explained it so if someone calls you at the wedding feast go and make sure that you participate there we'll talk about exceptions and times that you shouldn't go but other than that generally you should go the one now we're going to move on to point number 3 what is recommended for the guest to abide by when it comes to the wedding feast okay what should you do 2 issues you need to observe 2 things you need to abide by number 1 أن يدعو الي صاحبها بعد الفراغي بما جاء عنه صلى الله عليه وسلم you after eating after eating the food that was served you should supplicate for the host supplicate for the host for the food that they gave you the food you should say ورحمهم have mercy upon them وبارك لهم and place barakah on them فيما رزقتهم in the provision that they've given us also you can say أو الله give sustenance to the one who has given us for sustenance and food واسق من سقاري أو الله give fluid and water to the one who has given us water you can also say أكلة عامكم الأبرار وصلت عليكم الملائكة وأفضل عندكم صائمون the scholars they differ upon the authenticity of some of the narrations here but these are some of it point number 2 point number 2 when you come what should you do أدعاء له أدعاء له the first one was supplication for the food they gave you now you're making dua for them وليزوجي you make the dua for the man and his wife or if you're a sister then you make dua for the sister and her husband and we mentioned the dua that you say at the beginning when we were talking about the greeting of the nikah we mentioned that in the last lesson point as in this is an exception in which you shouldn't go to the wedding you should not go to the wedding feast if it contains حرام if there's معصية that's taking place there don't go and if you do go it has to be with the intention of trying to rectify the situation you're going there to forbid them from the evil and to enjoying the good if that is the purpose you're going there no problem but if there is bad things that are happening there music for instance has been played that are حرام that has vulgar speech and what not don't go if there's free mixing the opposite gender male and women are free mixing then also don't go if there's dancing that's going to happen don't go and the people who are doing that who are having their weddings this is how you have chosen to start the life between you and your partner halfway into your marriage cry to Allah and say my situation rectify it but remember the way you started it and the way you began your marriage this is the partner that you want to spend life with you want Allah to give you good children you want your children to carry on this legacy of Islam so you don't disobey Allah don't disobey Allah the evidence for not participating in these places the evidence is as follows عريبنا بيطالب he said I made food I called the messenger I invited him فجاء the messenger came فراء في البيت in the house تصاويق pictures what did he see the messenger saw pictures فقلت I said ما أرجعك بأبي أنت و أمي the messenger saw the pictures and he left I freed my mother and my father what made you go back what made you do a U-turn the messenger then said إن في البيت سترا there is a curtain in this house فيه تصاويق there are pictures in it وإن الملائكة the angels لا تدخل بيطن فيه تصاويق the angels do not enter a house there is a picture in it and this is very important brothers and sisters pictures are prohibited in Islam they are Haram they are Haram and if you look at the religion the first thing that Allah was disobeyed in was what two things two things the whole of mankind their deviation and them astraying from the right path was of two things ألغلو في الأفاضل going overboard in the righteous people exaggeration over the righteous people and we have that today people go overboard with people you travel the world people are going overboard either with religious figures سيادات غلو overboard or the Muslims are going overboard with non-Muslims celebrities and artists and rappers and singers غلو and the messenger used to prohibit his Sahabas from that he would say to them don't go overboard with me كما أطرت النصار عيسة بن مريم like the Christians have gone overboard with who عيسة بن مريم when you speak about me the prophet said this if you speak about me and you're talking about me say the slave of Allah and the messenger of Allah why did he choose those two words because he doesn't want you to take him out of عبودي and take him up to what level أولوهية when you say he's إله I'm a slave he's below Allah the prophet but then why did he say I'm a messenger from Allah so you don't think he's an ordinary slave like us he's higher than that so he's lower than Allah and he's higher than us that's the level he gives himself and that is the station Allah gave him so this is the first thing that the children of Adam went astray the second reason was what pictures it was pictures and the five righteous men that were worshipped after the Prophet of Allah was what what did they people do they made a statue and what did they do what was their purpose behind the statue what was the statue for brothers they didn't make it at the beginning to worship the first ones who did it who carved the statues they did not do it to worship what was it it is to remember them they said we want to remember them isn't that not why you guys have your albums at home where you have your children's pictures your childhood pictures I will remember how I looked when I was young isn't that not the answer is not the reason why you have it so the first set of people who made these statues of these five righteous men their reasoning was which is going to remember them these are righteous men noble men when you want to do and so they did it they carved the statue to those ones that's why you want to do it those died and the next generation came and then he whispered to them put them in the mischief and then third stage worship them and as time goes on that's what's going to happen so those are the two things that the first deviation in this umma came from is and going overboard with the righteous people and so the messenger fought against the concept of pictures and according to my opinion and I believe is the strongest opinion photographs are also haram they fall under this it's nothing to prove otherwise because the messenger used the word tasawil pictures so it's it brings no benefit and it causes many shah not to mention now women are taking pictures of themselves they're flashing on social media and they're showing their hair this is even worse it is what? even worse it's something that a muslim should stay away from flashing your beauty putting something out there for everyone to see and some of these sisters they start to wear niqab later and they start to cover up later and they become a wife and they have children and they want that picture to go sorry someone out there has it so social media it's not much you can do about it so think about pictures pictures are something that lasts forever now so the messenger didn't want to enter the house so imagine a picture the prophet saw a curtain and it had a picture on it and he said I don't want to enter it remember some of you might think oh but it was a statue the five men what they worshiped it was a statue we're talking about photograph then the prophet left the house when there was a curtain that had a picture he probably did there is something that is permissible for the women to do at the wedding two things the women are allowed to use the duf the women are allowed to use the duf is a tamperine they hit it but it doesn't have no bangles it doesn't have it it's like a drum but it doesn't have no it's bangles and the second one is their voices they can sing the women are allowed to sing what they sing they cannot cause evil between people they can't be talking about tribal things which cause rivalry between people okay it's not allowed in other words to ignite problems amongst the community they're not allowed to do that they're not also allowed to speak about vulgar and inappropriate things they're not allowed to say that but if they're only praising they can they're praising the family of the boy the family of the girl no problem but they're not allowed to go overboard in the praise as well they're not allowed to go overboard in the praise this is permissible for the women this is permissible if the woman that the man got married to is a virgin she's a virgin then he remains with her for 7 days the sunna is 7 days is hers they don't understand those 7 days they don't go to the mosque and pray no khutba no nothing he's at home didn't the prophet say you have to stay with the wife for 7 days at home I've seen this it means that these are her 7 days meaning if you're married to more than one wife this one gets 7 days she's a virgin but if she's not a virgin then he stays with her for what he stays with her for 3 he stays with her for 3 the man has to remember that he's piety and how noble you are is based upon how you are to your partners your spouse the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said خيروكم the best amongst you is the best for his family a man when he comes home the children's face change why are you here the wife doesn't want to see even the cats they hide from you you come into the house everyone is like oh man it's him again they wish you don't come it's not someone who's good your own children your own partners your spouse does not like you they find your presence with them a trouble you're a troublesome person harsh in your speech and you're not good to your partners then remember you're not the best amongst the ummah the best person is the best to his family وانا the prophet said وانا خيروكم بأهلي and I am the best for my family the man is determined for what his wife knows of him and the wife she's determined by what her husband knows about her you two are the closest people and that's why Allah referred to both of you for one another Allah referred to the partners وانتم لباسل لهم clothes what is the clothes do clothes do it prevents people from seeing your private part يا عورا no one can see your default if we were all walking naked it would not look good it's to cover your your body parts the wife that's what she's doing for her husband those places that people can't see is covering it and the same is with the what the husband with his wife and that's why the partners don't speak about each other they don't talk about each other's defaults and problems because you're a clothing for your husband you're a woman you're a woman you're her clothing why are you talking to her why are you talking about her to other people her flaws and her mistakes never one of the things I learnt was through seeing people's issues is some people they will go when they have a conflict and I'm going to speak about that when I speak about the خلافات الزوجية they have a conflict and they have a problem and which marriage doesn't have a conflict every marriage does but brothers and sisters when you have a خلاف you both need to learn how to fix it and how do you learn how to fix it I'm going to speak about it in more details later is you both of you have a premise and that premise is we were both raised and we came from two different households our observation and the way that we see things is what is different there is going to be that difference and a lot of the times if you look at conflicts between partners it's not based upon an idea that one is going against or a حديث of the other one is going against you tend to find it is just difference of upbringing the cup is half full and the cup is half empty oh it's both right it's how you look at it first of all you have to know that are we all together my mother raised me like this your mother raised you like that I don't want to impose on you the way I was raised necessarily because if I try to impose those things onto you then you will turn out to be who me and then I'm actually in love with who I'm in love with myself not her for who she is so those things brothers leave it and let it be the way it is you shouldn't try to change it let her have those and she should let you have those which she may not necessarily agree on the things that both of you need to change are the things that play a role in the marriage they're vital they're strong they're serious issues you both have to work on that or it has a religious evidence for it these are the issues that we both need to adapt to are we all together so it's important that we understand that the Muslim brothers even when he has differences with his spouse you will always find his أخلاق and his manners and his etiquettes don't go out of the window some men when they get angry they use words for their wife despicable terms and then when he comes down he says I'm sorry واللهيه I was angry the Muslim doesn't lose his however angry you became you can never see these terms it can never come out of the mouth of a Muslim the messengers of Allah أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً the Muslim who has the completest إيمان is أحسنهم خلقا the one whose etiquette is the completest الله أكبر وخياركم إنساءهم and the best amongst you is the one who is best to his wife best to his wife the Prophet told us لا يفرق مؤمن إنكريها منها خلقا رضية منها آخر أمان if you look at his wife there are things that you're not going to like about what she does but واللهي look at the ocean of good that she has one thing my father used to say is if you've known a person for a long time and you end up mentioning through your floor or floor floors of this person you've just proven to me that they are a human being but ten years you got four mistakes ten years of a marriage and all you can bring up is four five things that have happened between you two that actually proves to me that your wife is amazing اللهم بارك are we all together the poet he said who on this earth are you going to be pleased with everything that they say or do 100% no one but virtue is that this person's mistakes can be counted some people you're like where should I start from their good can be counted but their evil is so much that's a different situation but we're talking about someone you have one or two or three or four or five mistakes which is going to happen are we all together my mum used to say the teeth and your tongue are the two closest and sometimes you're going to you're going to bite yourself does not that happen sometimes you bite yourself but your teeth doesn't leave nor does your tongue they still stay together they work it out they might have a conversation between them too but the point is this happens the two closest people are going to have conflicts it's going to happen it's bound to happen but the believer he is a teacher for his wife at the times of conflict as he is at the times of what ease remember your position you're a teacher you're a teacher still you're teaching your wife how to hold yourself together just learning from you just looking at you and words that you say it's hard for you to take it back I promise you especially women they never forget it they will remember that and they will store it in their long term memory and it will come out every now and then to remind you to remind you aren't you the one who said so don't make it too much hold on to your tongue hold on to your what on to your tongue when you call these or companies like that what do they say to you anything you say or do will be very recorded as marriage everything you say the wife is recording it she is remembering it make sure that you know what you said because words are hard to take back words are hard to be taken back the prophet SAW the final sermon the biggest largest congregation that the prophet ever got never has he got this this congregation before or after biggest 120,000 companions are standing in front of him SAW and guess what he said he said the women the women it's got the biggest congregation largest number you have to remember the Arabian and the way that the people were the women had no value no one cared about the women the messenger SAW he said to the men instructed the men he said to them I advise you to treat women well the prophet SAW I advise you to treat women well and then people have the audacity to say what that Islam subjugates women and we're here to liberate women and look what he said to the men he said he said that the women the women are like prisoners under your authority she left her family she left her dad she left her brothers her mother, her house she left everything she's right there under you she's right under you she's a captive she's like a prisoner for you she's like it the way she's under you and the prophet SAW he said you have no right over them other than that which the Quran and the sunnah have given you those are the rights that you have over them the messenger SAW then carried on saying you have rights over your wives as well ولي نسائكم عليكم حقا and your wives have rights over you فأما حقكم على نسائكم the rights that you have over your wives is فلا يوطي أن فرشكم من تكرهونة that they do not bring to your beds those you dislike I mean they do not bring to your house people you don't want then the prophet SAW the rights that they have on you is أن تحسنوا إليهنة في كسوتيهنة that you provide for them clothing وطعامهنة and the food that they eat you give them food and you give them clothing she's still not wearing the clothing that she married you with every now and then you're going out buying new throbs you're buying new clothing and she's still wearing her the clothing that she brought from her father's house it's something you need to remember you give her food and her food if the man as we're going to mention soon is married to more than one wife he should be just fairness the prophet SAW anyone who has two wives يميل إلى أحدهم على الأخرى and he leans towards one over the other جاء يوم القيامة that man will come the day of judgment and he will be paralyzed from one of his sides paralyzed from one side he will come the day of judgment part of his body will be hanging down the prophet SAW وَلَنْ تَسْطَطِعُ عَنْ تَعْدِلُ بَيْنَ النِّسَائِ وَلَوْ حَرَسْتُمْ فَلَا تَمِيلُ كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَدَرُوهَكَ الْمُعَلَّقَى and he will be paralyzed from one of his sides paralyzed from one side he will come the day of judgment part of his body will be hanging down the prophet SAW الله said you will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives you will never be able to what does it mean you will never be able to be perfectly just between your wives it means that without a doubt the man is going to have love towards one wife over the other it's going to happen but that doesn't show in his actions that does not show in his what it doesn't show that in his action whatever you believe it's in your heart that is not something you can control the way you feel like in the way you act upon the way you feel is what you're going to be held account to so you can't be 50-50 between your wife in your heart maybe then don't make it on your actions your actions make sure it's fair 50-50 and there could be situations where the man he loves both of his wives the same it's possible it is it is the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was known that he loved who the most he loved عائشة most he was asked أي الناسي احبوا إليك which person is most beloved to you قال عائشة to him he said عائشة قلت ميلا ريديالي from the man قال أبوهاها فادا قلت I then asked he said عمر بن عاست man who after that قال ثم عمر من القباح the prophet mentioned that how many now we're going to move on to the fourth point how many women can a free man marry how many women is the man allowed to marry the man is allowed to marry four women he's allowed to in the شريعة it is permissible for the man to marry four women okay and as is common amongst many women they believe he can only marry a second woman if there's a legal reason no there doesn't have to be a legal reason a man can marry a second wife even if there's no reason for him to marry a second wife the second thing I don't know if I'm going to get in trouble the man doesn't have to inform his first wife if he wants to marry a second wife there's no need it doesn't have to it doesn't have to would I encourage him to do that no I would say tell your first wife be a man about it if you want to do it why hide it the fact that you're hiding it shows there's a weakness that's my opinion but if you choose this to be weak and he doesn't want to inform his first wife that is permissible another third is so the first reason some people believe he can only marry a second wife if his first wife is not able to have children or if there's a problem between him then he can only marry a second wife that's incorrect so I responded the second thing that's incorrect as well that he has to inform his first wife when he wants to get married who he wants to get married to and she has to be part of the process no it's not true the third thing that's incorrect is the woman he wants to marry she has to have a problem and he has to marry her to save the day it's also it's also it's also incorrect this is something permissible he can only not marry another wife if he doesn't have the ability he doesn't have the ability whether it be the financial ability whether it be the physical ability he doesn't have any of those two either he doesn't have this or that he's not allowed to marry another woman because of the ayah الله تعالى تعالى commanded us to be what to give these women their rights so you're lacking the rights of the woman so you don't have money don't get married to another woman or you're physically unable to you're not allowed to get married it is impermissible سبحان الله I have to point this out some women they go as going overboard by insulting and name calling and belittling this concept of marrying more than one wife and sometimes some people the way that they speak about it it is what it can become disbelief of Allah it can reach kufr the way that they speak about it are we all together it is dangerous this is a hukm of Allah no government no institution can prohibit a man from marrying more than one wife this is a hukm of Allah permitted no country can say you're only allowed to marry one wife are we all together brothers no constitution can't because it's something Allah permitted it for him but if the wife and the husband they have a mutual agreement and they agree before marriage that I won't marry more than one wife then it's permissible and if he makes that agreement he should go by it he made a promise he made a promise to stick by the promise that he made and sometimes subhan Allah the concept of polygamy can be a solution for many of the problems in countries where I remember one time I was working somewhere two women came in I was shocked two women came in one woman was talking to the other woman she was saying to her that you're daughter your daughter her husband he's found cheating on her meaning do zina and halam that's what this woman said to you the other woman I overheard it and so the other one responded at least my daughter her husband didn't marry another wife her husband is doing zina and she's saying but at least my daughter's husband didn't go and get married to another wife that's when I became shocked are we all together to be very honest with you a lot of the times you find polygamy could be good in a society or a community it could be good and it could be something nice but you know what makes it bad and destroys the polygamy concept is the people around it they will go to the sister how did you let this happen wallahi I would never have done it I would never have let this happen I don't know how you allow this to happen may Allah make it easy for your sister may Allah allow you to be strong at a calamity like this it's sad that it does not concern you it's none of your business oh today is your husband going to come oh I forgot he's married to another wife things like that they throw indirects always reminding the white woman if you ponder you realize this is where the problem comes from it's actually not an issue that's happening between the husband and his wife or with his other wife it's a lot of the time the community and another time other sisters who are married would look at that sister as the one who's in the second wife the second wife they would look at her as what get away from her don't talk to her so the second wife she feels look down at why does she feel look down at because she she went into polygamy I'm not making this up it's true it's a reality sisters who are who are married are going to say that and a lot of the times the reason why women would make sure that they don't allow polygamy practiced around the area is because they want to teach their husband a lesson they want to see her look at that look at that man he's wearing two different shoes do you know why he's wearing two different shoes is because he married more than one wife I'm telling you be careful this is going to be a problem for you so they have to destroy everything around them على كل حال everyone needs to know Allah is looking over them are we all together I remember one brother he told me he said that I suffered from being with the community one brother wants to give me salams I said why he said because I have four wives it makes sense it makes sense why no one wants to give me salams because nobody wants to get in trouble nobody wants to get in trouble because if people walk with him and become friends with him his wife is going to be friends with him he's going to brainwash you he's going to start whispering to you anyways the point is four wives are permissible for the man but I don't believe it's a sunnah it's not a sunnah it's permissible it's what it's permissible just like it's eating it's permissible and drinking it's permissible it's not a sunnah it's norms combing your hair showering it was the Arab culture that they did this and our religion permitted it and restricted it to how much four that's it before Islam it was tons and tons of women they would marry and Islam just came and restricted it to four و لذلك غيلان ملسلمة he came to the Prophet ﷺ and he was married to ten women and the Prophet said أمسك أربعن وفارق سائرهنة take four from them from those ten women that you have choose four from them and get rid of the rest so you have to go and choose from those ten four pay attention here that if a person comes into Islam and is already married they don't have to do a new marriage they don't have to do a new marriage the wife and the husband if they were Christians and they were married in Christianity they come into Islam they just stay together because what did the Prophet say he said choose four from them as though the previous marriage was considered also he had eight women with him and the Prophet ﷺ he said choose four from them now we are going to go into المحرمات من النساء the women that one is prohibited to wed women that are حرام for a man to wed the prohibited women to marry are two types they are how many types two types the first one is permanently prohibited they are permanently prohibited from you you can never ever marry them these women every time the second one is تحريم المؤقط temporary temporarily prohibited it's a temporary prohibition let's go back to the first one which is the permanent one the permanent one are three they are what they are three types those who are prohibited from you are permanently due to blood relation and نسب due to what blood relation and that's like that's like البنات your daughters your sisters your maternal aunties your mothers your brothers daughters all of them are except always حرام never ever marry them always prohibited the second of the what the مؤبط the permanent prohibition is المصاهرة المصاهرة is due to marriages due to marriage these are prohibited from you due to marriage like your wives mother or your wives daughter she's not your daughter but you married a woman who had a daughter from another marriage are we all together you can't marry her daughter ever never ever number three is الرضاع those that are prohibited from you due to due to breastfeeding due to breastfeeding breastfed and that's the one who the mother breastfed you and this child together she's not your sister but this child with either fostered and the mother breastfed she what she breastfed is it every type of breastfeeding or is it a particular type of breastfeeding that brings us to this sixth point which is now my mother breastfed me and then she came and she breastfed another girl that's not my sister she fostered this child my mother or she adopted the child she breastfed the child she's a girl okay she's my what from what she's my sister from what from breastfeeding okay the condition for that breastfeeding is it has to be two years it has to be for two years for two years as the ayah says كامليني the two years here means before the child reaches two I'm coming to that now second thing is it has to be two five it used to be ten remember breastfeeding here means the child suckles on the mother's breast not that she puts it somewhere and then he drinks it from there no breastfeeding five times and those five it has to be that fills the child it's to be like he has it there's another mess I don't want to go into it right now it's a controversial issue this is رضاعة الكبير breastfeeding the senior person an old person there's a mess I let scholars talk about that the prophet commanded a particular woman to go and breastfeed a man and she said he has a bid the prophet said breastfeed him and the حديث صحيح but we'll leave that for another time and the discussion related to that but the one we're talking about here and what we're arguing here is what the baby before two years it has to be five that's it now we're going to move on to the second type of prohibited women yeah based on this opinion that we're speaking about now after two years no before two years when the child only lives on milk this is the only time that these scholars are referring to let's go on to the second point which is المحرمات مؤقتا the women that are prohibited from you temporarily and that is you're married to one sister you can't marry her other sister but the meaning you divorce this one you can go and marry this one are we all together the prohibition is only at the time you're married to her sister are we all together brothers you can't marry two sisters at the same time because of the eye and you can't or you can't marry a girl and her maternal or her paternal auntie you can't it's حرام لا يجمع بين المرأة وعمتها ولا بين المرأة وخالتها you can't also another man's wife you can't marry because she's married right now but her prohibition is مؤقت it's only a time where she's married or you can't marry a woman who's on her إدى she's in her إدى meaning her three cycles you can't marry her temporarily for this time now we're going to go into الانكحة الفاسدة I'm sorry I need to go back the fourth type of woman that you can't marry temporarily is المطلقة تلاتن a woman that you've divorced her three a woman that you've divorced three you said all three times are we all together you can't temporarily marry her until she goes and marries another man this is the temporary one or the fifth one the next one is زواج الزانية a woman who's done zina unless they both repent a woman committed zina with a man they can't marry each other unless they repent when I say both of them I mean that the man committed zina and the woman committed zina any one of them no one can marry them unless they repent from what they did unless they repent from what they did those are the five temporary temporary women that you can't marry now let's go into the الانكحة الفاسدة the void marriages the void marriages the void marriages are insha'Allah three then null and void the first one is called نكاح الشغار نكاح الشغار نكاح الشغار what does نكاح الشغار mean it means a man marries either his daughter or his sister or a woman he's a guardian over to another man with the intention that he's going to swap with him they both want to swap with each other they'll say you know what give me your daughter and I'll give you my daughter marry your daughter off to me and I'll marry my and they do that and I'll avoid it is it's null and void the prophet prohibited that type of نكاح based on the hadith in صحيحين بخاري المسلم the prophet prohibited that one and it generally happens with the elderly men very old they want to get married they can't go to another guy I got a daughter you got a daughter let's sort something out no it's not allowed and the prophet explained that that's what it means he said peace be upon him sorry أبو هريرا he explained it he said they swap I'll give you my daughter you give me your daughter or I'll give you my sister you give me your sister and they swap it's not permissible I'll avoid the second one is so that نكاح is baseless nothing is happening here the second one is نكاح المحلي نكاح المحلي it is a man who finished his divorce he finished his divorce all of it he divorced a woman and then he's like oh no I want to take my wife back okay I want to take my wife back when he goes to a brother he says look I can't get married to my wife again because I finished everything can you get married to her and divorce as I can get married to her and that happens they made it into a service in the UK that there are men who are charging they charge a price and amount to do this it's a service حق and it's and it's what kind of do you have are you with me to tell somebody to marry my wife and then I can take my wife back in the beginning watch what you say when you're divorcing your wife and if it does happen and you divorce let it be natural if she gets married to another man and she comes back it just happens but when you're endorsing please marry my wife it shows something is sick in this person this is called guess what that man who got married to this woman he goes okay how much are you going to give me it's a service in the UK I told it's a service he charges he says okay give me a thousand maybe it's not a thousand give him the money he takes the money he gets married to his sister and then he divorces her this محلل who did it what he did is there's no نكاح so if she goes back to the first man there's nothing that happened she's going back again to Zina nothing took place here because this نكاح is void are we all together it's void it has no base it has no base لعنى رسول الله the messenger of the prophet المحلل والمحلل the prophet cursed the one who does it and the one who is asking it to be done for him both of them are cursed the prophet said that now keep in mind there are there are things that need to be kept in mind why is the محلل he's saying to him go marry my wife so I can go back to her and this man is okay I'll do that for that are we all together are you with me brothers but it's and that نكاح is now void if she goes back to her previous husband nothing is considered but if the woman has a thought in her mind without him saying anything to her she says you know what I want to go back to my old husband and I know I can't I'm going to get married and I'm going to leave that brother this is not called محلل so she gets married the brother doesn't know she's got her thought in her mind she gets married and she leaves after a period of time and she comes back to her old husband the old husband doesn't know what's happening the new one that's getting married doesn't also know what's taking place it's something that's in her mind she did on her own accord this doesn't fall under the concept of المحلل are we all together does that make sense? it doesn't fall under it but it falls on another point that I'm going to come to later does that make sense it is different the third type of marriage that's void are we all together that is void is نكاح المتع contract marriage نكاح المتع contract marriage this one's also نلأن نلأن فيويد what does this mean? it means that the man and the woman they agree for one month they're going to be together and they say for that one month or that one year we're just going to pay a hide and seek and that's just a marriage of pleasure it's a temporary marriage they sign it and they do it now people call it temporary marriage others call it disconnected marriage whatever name they call it it's حرام it is نلأن فيويد and if they do it there's nothing that's happened they're committing زنا they're committing they're committing زنا no since you mentioned it there's another one called المسيار have you heard of it? a مسيار is normal marriage her father knows her family knows everyone knows it's an official not everyone knows but she tells her father there are two witnesses okay the man is with the woman but what the woman says is I don't want anything from you I don't want money from you I don't need anything from you I have no I don't want you to come to my house I don't want my children to see you I will tell you when I want you to come and I'll tell you when I want you to leave he says okay I promise I agree this is permissible this is permissible and this is the evidence of so they gave up all her nights to who? عائشة she said عائشة take my night so the prophet never used to go to so because she grew very old so the woman is allowed to give her a write up and she says in some situations she might say my previous husband if he finds out that I'm married I might have a big problem to my kids he may not provide for my kids I might have a big issue so no it's permissible it is permissible but a lot of the times it causes issues another one I want to talk about which is called زواجر بنية الطلاق زواجر بنية الطلاق a man he's a student of knowledge he's a student of knowledge he's in the university of Medina or he's studying in somewhere and he says you know what I'm not with my family I'm here by myself I'm going to get married for one year okay then he goes and he marries a woman with the thought of what after one year he wants to divorce her he doesn't tell anyone this he doesn't write it down as a contract between her and him he doesn't say anything it's only a thought that's in his mind he's keep it to himself are we all together and then after a year he divorces her he leaves and he just divorces her there are a number of scholars who believe the permissibility of this same with the woman she wants to get married there are many many many scholars who believe the permissibility regarding it rather some scholars they transmitted a consensus that is permissible all the conditions of marriage have been met there's no because he never told her number two they say that the two witnesses are here they say that the guardian was informed they say it was announced and it was made public and from the scholars who believe the permissibility it's when the it's permissible there's nothing wrong with it and over 30 imams of the self believe it's permissible but I am not content with that view that view does not it's not pleasing to me in any way shape or form and I'll tell you why if our messenger he came into the market the messenger came into the market and when he came into the market he placed his hand inside a set of grains he came to a man he saw him selling the prophet put his hand inside the grain and then the prophet's fingers came into contact with the moist and then the messenger said to the man why don't you bring this to the surface why are you hiding it for and then the man said okay I'll do that the messenger then said to him anyone who deceives us is not from amongst us صبرة وطعم just a food imagine the honor of a woman you fooled her father you shake his hand and you said to him امساكم بمعروف او تصريحهم بإحسان I'm gonna look after your daughter in good, in prosperity and your responsibility is mine I will take care of her hand her over to me and she's a virgin or even if she's not a virgin besides the point and you took her in your head all this time you're like after I'm gonna divorce you that's the greatest form of deception or one of the greatest form of deception it's خيانا and our religion doesn't promote خيانا doesn't allow that are we all together and this cause this act causes فتنن فساد مالله بي عليم only Allah knows especially if the person who does this is a person whose knowledge is attributed to him or he's seen as a person of علم and he does this becomes distasteful amongst the people are we all together brothers and so so many people are practicing this and they're destroying the image of the deem in the land of the non-Muslims are we all together brothers so it's something I strongly discourage حتى وإنقالة به من عثيمين وإنقاله محمد محمد إدريس الشافعي رحمه الله and others this view is very very weak صحيح it really does it really does it goes against the concept of every action is based upon its intention there are many ways to discuss this issue it's something that one should avoid and stay away from and leave it and not do that like no sister should do that to any brother and no brother should do that to a sister no one should do that so we stop there and we can do the rest for next week we'll stop there anything which I have said that was wrong it's been a long incorrect it's from me it's from me