 So our topic today his past gives you clues if he can fall in love And we're going to talk about the questions you should be asking a man Before you give your heart to a man now Let's face it past relationships and past sexual partners is probably a pretty important question to ask Let's face it history often repeats itself in some way shape or form and Seeking information about someone's past can speak volumes Now, I know what you're thinking, but Jonathan he doesn't want to talk about his past Relationships look let's explore why someone might not want to talk about their past Relationships and the importance to really investigate someone's past to give you a clue on their capacity to lean into Something deeper in the future Now since this is about love I want to say that I view love as a form of commitment or Every frame that commitment is a form of love now why I'm saying this in the context of a romantic relationship See the thing is is we can love our neighbor. We can love our children We can love our parents, but I do believe in the romantic context it needs a level of commitment and Something I've shared with many of you frequently is the importance to view commitment In the sense of how are what does commitment mean to another person? So one of the things I invite you to ask any man early in the dating process is What does commitment mean to you? What does it look like for you? Now I was asking this question of myself and I thought okay I'm gonna share what it means to me and what it looks like to give you some context And maybe this can help you when it comes to determining if a man can genuinely love you based on his past experiences So what does commitment mean to me? It means teamwork. It means shared vision It means loyalty It means empathy and care It means play fun and passion together and most importantly it means trust Teamwork are you I mean if we're exploring a relationship together Then shouldn't we do this both as a team at least the exploration of it together and with the ultimate goal of being teammates with one another But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead Okay, I don't subscribe to that you can subscribe to that and that is absolutely okay If that's what you seek in a relationship is where a man is the absolute leader in the relationship I'm here to encourage what I look at is co-creative Relationships where people operate from teamwork right from the very get-go Now shared vision and by the way since my audience is midlife We have to view things quite a bit different in the area of shared vision because for those in their 20s and 30s Oftentimes their shared vision is making babies and raising a family and for those of us that have fully curated lives Getting a sense of what where you see your life in the future in the form of a partnership with someone Might be important question to ask someone before you give your heart to them to actually determine if they can actually love you Loyalty when I think of loyalty I think of monogamy. I think of exclusivity. I think of I've got your back I'm gonna be there for you. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you That's what I think of when I think of the word loyalty. You have to decide what that word means to you Empathy and care You know Human beings are rather myopic. They're very tunnel vision. They often focus on their own needs but genuinely being in a romantic relationship to me is about not just only Feeling their feelings and caring about those feelings and also caring about your own feelings because they matter, too but genuinely come from a place of of I don't want to say put someone up on a pedestal but put their needs commensurate with your own which is really as we look at I said Trust earlier isn't trust Your feelings matter to me as much as my own feelings isn't your best interest is my best interest Isn't that the highest form of trust and I know we can think of trust in the form of Fidelity but I'm here to go even more granular in the form of trust and of course I said play fun and passion Why not ask these very deeper questions? Why not even ask? Okay. Look it you've just swiped on a dating profile Why not ask the first question? Hey, are you on a dating site because you're serious seeking a serious committed relationship? And they go. Yes. If so, what does commitment mean to you and more importantly? What does it look like for you for those who know my narrative? I always say it looks something like this Relatively early on when we both decide we're gonna be physically intimate with each other I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in their personal and their professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married That's what I that I'm just giving you my narrative. You you're more than welcome to borrow it And I think the capacity to love is a function of your capacity to commit at least in romantic love okay now we can have unhealthy love known as a Love attachment there are elements of love attachment that is unhealthy When we attach to another human being believing its love if you're not familiar with the book Wired for love by dr. Stan tach and I highly recommend reading this along with a number of other books I'll recommend oh by the way all the books I recommend are listed below See, here's the thing oftentimes we attach to another human being in an unhealthy format and The worst thing we can do is attach to someone when we haven't really investigated their past relationship Experiences folks. I want you to think about this for a second any professional Organization typically seeks a resume of a future employee which includes their past work history We want to know what you've done. Well, it's the same in romantic relationships. So after asking so asking About someone's past relationships is critically important Now here's what you're looking for and I'm gonna I'm gonna recommend some deeper questions That can determine whether or not he has a capacity of love But here's what you're looking for when someone talks about their past relationships Are they pointing the finger at their partner and taking zero ownership or zero culpability in Any aspect of the relationship? I see this happen with men. I see this happen with women equally Ladies you don't get a pass here You have a propensity to throw the men under the bus men have a propensity to throw women under the bus You know wouldn't it be great that you can interview everybody's ex to hear their point of view on what caused the ending of the relationship and of course Everybody has seemed to date it every narcissist on the planet. It seems like we've all have gone out with almost everybody We've ever gone out with as a narcissist and that's the reason for the ending of the relationship. I don't believe okay Let me just be clear. I think human beings are rather myopic Self-serving self-centric, okay, whether that constitute narcissism or not You know, we all have the power to say no We do we have the power to stand up for ourselves It's one of the reasons why I wrote a book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-open spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of all the books. I recommend we have that power We have the power to end the relationship whenever we want Now I'm not going to deny the fact that there have been people who have experienced severe emotional abuse But most likely it's because they lacked a sense of self-worth within them that didn't feel like they deserved anything better I'm here to say you You have the power to walk away If you feel like you're in one of those relationships right now, I encourage you to walk away So here's the good news There are plenty of human beings out there men and women alike that take ownership For the ending of their relationship folks if you've been following my channel, you've heard me say this I was a jackass husband when I was married. I was an unconscious husband and I was a train wreck after my divorce Thankfully I did my best to end things with dignity for the most part But I'm just here to share I take ownership for the failings in my relationships And while my partners weren't I'm not going to absolve them of their behavior I take a hundred percent ownership in my part. So what you're looking for these clues If they throw their previous relationship under the bus then you have to really wonder Is that very valid? I know many of you go, oh, he was so wronged in his relationship I'll just come in as his heroine and I will just give him all the love you didn't get from his wife or partner And yet you may not realize that he could have been a jackass in the relationship. Most people are Most human beings aren't really good at romantic relationships Most human beings don't have the tools and the skillsets To actually communicate effectively in relationship. We are in a precipice right now We're thankfully the younger generation is learning to speak From an emotional perspective far more than our baby boom gen x generation that you and I most likely grew up in So when you're going to ask about his past relationships and even if you're going to ask about sexual partners You better keep in mind your own past experiences You better keep in mind your own past experiences because guess what if you're evaluating him he's evaluating you And so I invite you all to do deep Introspective work because by doing this you become a magnetic attractor For somebody who's most likely more emotionally evolved Than those who have done little or no personal development work folks. I'm always recommending this book The Hoffman process this is a deep dive into healing Childhood wounds and adult traumas that cause for negative patterns and little limiting beliefs in our life By the way, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend Okay You've asked about his past relationships now. It's time for the nitty gritty What do you ask him to determine if he can love? And here's a few questions you might want to jot down Go back and rewind this if you need to But be prepared and that is Do you want to build the life with somebody? I think that's a really that's a deeper question then Do you want a relationship because the word relationship is ambiguous? Do you want to build a life with someone? If so, what does that look like for you folks? You've heard my narrative Three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life Do you want to build a life with someone? What does that look like? Do you want to take care of someone? I think until you've actually Have said to yourself you want to take care of someone you don't have let me reframe that you haven't You don't even have to have met the person You are already and this is for you ladies as well, but jonathan. I don't want to be a nurse in a purse I don't want to be a nurse in a purse For those that don't want to be a nurse in a purse then you then it's going to be highly challenging to get in your senior years in a relationship without The capacity or desire before you ever meet someone to be willing to take care of someone What does that look like? To take care of someone explore these questions for yourself as you're asking a man And then asking the question what makes you think you're ready for commitment? And as I said this earlier, what does commitment mean to you and what does it look like for you? I think these are critically important questions to ask in the very early stages But jonathan i'm not supposed to interview with someone look When two people have a little bit of chemistry and a little bit of affinity That's all you need is a little bit of chemistry a little bit of affinity Then dive deeper Dive deeper Because here's the problem If you don't ask these more important questions before you've jumped on the oxytocin testosterone dopamine estrogen bandwagon It makes it very difficult to detach from someone When you've been physically intimate so you may want to ask these questions early on Now you might want to explore red flags red flags, right red flags This is all this is a big question We all have to consider is someone's red flags and I want you to know that I've been thinking about red flags in the concept of strengths and weaknesses Weaknesses turnoffs flaws that kind of perspective of red flags looking at it from that lens And someone posted a question or a comment on one of my videos that I want to read with everybody And I'm going to we're going to look at jonathan's red flags as an illustration To explore this for yourself going forward someone wrote so By your own admission jonathan We know from past recordings and comments that you are needy clingy analyze everything to death and you're not a social director Now she also went on to say it's nice when someone is aware of their traits and weaknesses Okay All right I've actually spent time exploring my weaknesses and i'm going to share something with everyone I'm going to give you a list of my weaknesses my flaws my turnoffs But i'm also going to give you a list of what I think are the good parts of who I am And I invite you all to do this for yourself Okay, one of my weaknesses it could be a turnoff. It could be a red flag. I'm a nervous traveler I'm just going to own it. I'm a nervous traveler I'm just not good when I'm in a place where I don't feel safe. I I'm working on this I'm trying really hard to be conscious and aware And to not allow my emotions to my fear my anxieties to get ahead of me And I mean, I don't think I'm obnoxious in this capacity, but it just happens to be a weakness of mine Is that a red flag? I don't know could that mean i'm not protective. I don't know what that means that is it a turnoff Yeah for some woman it might be a turnoff You have to look at a person's weaknesses and say is this really a turnoff or a red flag for you I'm not a good social director. Certainly. I can plan dates on occasions, but that's just not my strength I'm better served with somebody who's a serve a social director and i'm a good follower in that case Well, jonathan, it sounds like you're not very masculine. You must be feminine Isn't that sad that there's the judgment and opinions I hear When I'm just sharing my truth I like to think some of my other good parts are very masculine. Okay Um, I desire regular validation and appreciation I've often said I'm needy or clingy, but I'm I'm just I would prefer to be with someone who can genuinely express appreciation towards me And listen, I'm a leo We like to be complimented. We'd like to be adored. So I may be more than most guys But I recognize that this is maybe a week. It might be a strength. It might be a weakness. Who knows I'm opinionated. Oh, many of you know that I'm obsessed with human behavior my personal life and my Professional life are so intertwined with one another that I can absolutely be kind of one dimensional I have a big nose I could stand to lose 15 pounds I have slight high blood pressure I tune out When I feel like a story is boring or I get rather righteous when I think people are just being stupid I'm into plant-based medicine And I like to do journeys and I desire financial reciprocity when dating meaning I like to be with a woman who wants to take turns Some of these could be a red flag to some women. These could be turnoffs Now, why am I bringing this up because I'm inviting you to explore your own life from the perspective of strength and weaknesses turnoffs flaws good parts Red flags green flags for yourself Now I'd like to think I come to the table with some green flags I genuinely care about people many of you said to me Jonathan I appreciate how much you genuinely care with the amount of passion you express on your channel I'm able to express my feelings I consider that a gigantic strength. I consider that okay. I'm going to go I'm going to say what brunet brown says it takes a tremendous amount of courage To be able to express someone's feelings, which is musculine. I'm just kidding I mean, I'd like to think I'm more evolved than most men in this capacity. I'm protective by nature. I really am Um with the people that I love I'm incredibly protective. I want the best for them I'm a good listener I care about my partner's feelings See as I'm sharing this I gave you a list of things that I thought were weaknesses But really when you're examining and by the way, I'm only doing this for you to do for yourself is to examine What your strengths are what you bring to the table But also where other people might judge you because it might be in insecurity. It might be a turnoff. It might be a flaw I said I'm a good listener. I care about my partner's feelings I believe in building trust in a relationship. I think that's superior compared to a lot of people I believe in being an integrity in relationship. I believe in being vulnerable being authentic being transparent in a relationship I believe in partnership teamwork shared vision empathy care Play fun passion trust all of these things I believe in and I'd like to think I demonstrate this in romantic relationship What's the other good part of me? Look, I'm six foot two and have a full head of hair and I don't color my hair folks And I'm a late baby boomer. Okay. I'm saying these are these the good parts of me. I don't know I'm inviting you all to sit down and really examine What you bring to the table in a romantic relationship. What what is your strengths? What are your and the fact that I'm inviting you to explore weaknesses? Because when you actually identify like okay when I come back to sharing I'm a nervous traveler and I'm not a good social planner as an example By identifying that I can be upfront with someone who has expectations in this area See oftentimes we date with so many expectations and I'm here to share where I recognize where I have weaknesses. Could I get better at it? Yeah, could I lose weight? Yeah Can I get my nose done? I don't know But these areas of my life it's I think the point is when we can be truly introspective when we can look inward And really get a sense of who we are we actually come to the table in a romantic relationship with a lot more substance a lot more depth And I'm inviting you all to do this for yourself and I'm inviting you to Encourage men to bring this out of them. I believe Ladies I genuinely believe most men are good guys. I do believe that I just think they're bad daters for the most part I do believe that there are it's there are great men out there And they just need a little bit of encouragement and since women have a tendency to be the more The driver of the romantic end of the relationship I'm inviting women to lead the train to get them to their heart And by exploring all of these questions that I've outlined in this in this video And exploring your strengths exploring your weakness exploring what's good about you to explore maybe what's a turn off or a flaw the red flags and green flags You actually put yourself in a much greater position To find that juicy delicious healthy happy relationship you see is this sinking in is this resonating with you if it is I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below I'd like to hear what you have to say about this as always if you find value in my videos Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well And also if you want to connect with me directly Hey, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you There's my group called midlife love mastery There's all the books I recommend. There's even my dating vows. You can even get my free gift You can join my groups. Everything is listed below. I invite you to check them all out right now All right. Hey, we're live right now. So if you have a question Do me a favor write the word question then post the question thereafter Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from a super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley That's a picture of him right there with his brother Colin He's my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the hopman process and insight institute just to name a few So hit that little dollar sign and donate our goal tonight is 50 dollars tonight So, um, let me read what you guys wrote. Um, but but but oh we got lots of stuff going on here um Tyre wants to remind us. Do you want to take some care of someone is a huge one exactly But john, did I don't want to be a nurse in the purse? Uh, i'm just kidding Sherry wants to remind everyone know is a complete sentence. That's cute. Sherry. Thank you Um bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. All right lulu's in the house What if he cried when I told him i'm going to move we never talked about our future, but he cared about each other well If he cried that you're leaving I think that's kind of sad if the two of you were exploring a romantic relationship And you knew that you were going to be moving prior to exploring the relationship. I think that's a little bit cold. Um I'm not suggesting that's what you did lulu, but I mean I think that's just a sign that he cares for you Uh, we never talked about our future. Well, you could have asked him questions about the future Did you ask him questions about the future ladies? But jonathan, I'm told not to ask where this relationship going ladies if the penis is going inside the vagina on a regular basis You should be asking All kinds of fucking questions This is how you build intimacy with one another if you're not familiar with the book Emotional intimacy by robert masters. You might want to read this to learn about intimacy intimacy Into me see that's according to uh ester parel And I'm by the way, I'm giving you all the tools I'm saying ask this question ask this question ask this question This is how we build how you get to know another human being is asking questions But jonathan i'm just supposed to sit my feminine energy and do nothing And I must submit to men because that's what i'm told to do by the red pill community in the man's sphere and everybody else out there Ladies you have to stand up for yourself. You are in charge of your relationship destiny. Look, I'm your big brother If I could be there for you on your first date with a guy I'd have a shotgun pointed his head and saying what's your intentions with my little sister. I would do that because There should be consequences for bad behavior. Well, let me reframe that I I you know, I I don't believe legally there should be consequences for bad behavior but I do believe that It's important to establish your sovereignty to someone say look if you fuck with me. That's really uncool Emotionally fuck with me. That's why I believe in being an absolute integrity with somebody The challenge is most people don't know how fucked up they are and it's like It's like george castanza. If you believe the lie, it's true Like if you believe your own bullshit Then, you know, you could potentially hurt other people. Okay. I'm rambling. I think you get my point Uh, yes, it can raise blood pressure. You're welcome jody. Oh, I don't know what that is. Um Exactly understand what you're driving. Oh, exactly understand what you're driving at jonathan. Thank you for that and no, you don't need a nose job Thank you so much I knew I have a big nose. I'm the most handsome guy out there I mean, I got lucky with the height and hair, but I know facially. I've got a few pounds under here I've got a big nose my eyes are off, you know, all that kind of stuff. I'm not the most handsome guy I get that But I know myself Esther says question, how do you know? Wait, how do you know when you do believe what they say in the early days? You know, I believe most people are honest. I I do genuinely believe that I I think when you ask I don't think most people lie. They might fudge a little bit because of fear of rejection So how many of you lie on your driver's license for your weight? I'm just kidding Um, but I think most people are you know, by the way But sometimes asking the same question a couple different ways is how you catch them But I think your spider senses know when someone isn't telling the truth. I do believe that Or you know for the most part Leafs in the house You put a lot of thought into your list, jonathan. Well done, and I appreciate now We are all challenged to do the same exactly. I'm inviting you all to do the same for yourself. Yeah, exactly Insight says always getting value from your presentations. By the way, how about some love to the Conor Asley scholarship fund? I'd really appreciate it. Barbara's in the house. What do you have to say, Barbara? Is this where women are in 2024? We have to cuddle mother men to learn to date better G gen Z's may be on to something either you level up and meet where you're at or leave you behind Hey, I'm here to invite everybody to do their own leveling up and I'm just I'm I'm just here to encourage Those of you with who have watched my videos versus the men who haven't Use what I'm saying to to it's not about leveling them up is to see if they meet you where you're at, Barbara By by literally leading by example, you can see if they can meet you where you're already at You're not you can't force someone to level up Living large says too funny. Thank you so much. Annika's in the house What kind of deeper questions to ask to really find out whether someone is really loyal Now especially if he or she was unfaithful in the past You know, it's interesting a significant percentage of men and women have been unfaithful in their past relationships That's not but I think it's really important to find out what really happened in their past relationships that might That might have caused them to be unfaithful because in some cases Some men and women haven't had physical intimacy with their partner in forever And there was no intimacy in the relationship and that's one of the reasons why they were unfaithful Now I'm just sit. I'm simply stating that's just some of the reasons How do you ask that you find out about their you ask them about their past relationships? And by the way, one of the questions you might ask is have you ever been unfaithful to a partner? Why not ask that question? I think that's a very valid question to ask. Have you been unfaithful to your partner? If so, why? I think that's a deeper question right there point blank By the way, I just posted a link. I would love it if someone joins the hot seat tonight I just post a link. I would love to have a chance to chat with one of you live right here There's a link. I just posted let's get on and talk about something that would be of value to everybody Okay, Sharon says Yes, hell. Yes, Barbara. I feel the same way. I don't tolerate fools folks. Here's the thing I know I can be harsh sometimes, but Let's start shifting to love. Let's start shifting to compassion Let's take out all the negative rhetoric by calling them fools. Look I I can say that there are equally as many dysfunctional women in the world as there are dysfunctional men We are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. That doesn't make them bad people So let's come at this from a place of compassion I think optimism will generate far better results than pessimism. I am working on my cynicism folks I get sometimes I can be very critical. I can be pompous. I can be righteous I'm working on my cynicism and I'm working on becoming more optimistic and I'm inviting you all to do the same going forward All right, let's keep going here Mary Ann says, thank you. I like the direction. This is going. I appreciate that Hey, how about somebody join the hot seat right now? I would love or donate some money to the Conner Asley Scholarship Fund I would appreciate that Sharon has just said agreed Jonathan Many men and friends have said that to me intimacy for years. That's when you leave Kim says Jonathan or excuse me question Why would a guy introduce me attorney as a customer who comes in a lot to a co-worker at his job at a liquor store clerk? I have never been his customer. I was there for groceries I need more context on that one that one. I don't understand why okay Why would a why would a guy introduce me attorney as a cuss? Is he the attorney or you the attorney as a customer who comes in a lot to a co-worker? at his job at a liquor store I've never been his customer. I I don't get that one Kim. I don't Barbara says once a cheater always a cheater. This is a character flaw. I don't agree with that I believe there are many human beings who have made mistakes in their lives and through personal development Self-help and spiritual work. They recognize what they've done and they've tried to improve That's like by the way, that's like saying once a liar all liar and we have all lied So I just be careful character at putting someone in a box like that because I don't believe I don't believe that To be a true statement. Okay. I don't you may disagree with me. That's okay I'm just sharing with you. I do believe people have a capacity to grow past their limitations I certainly was a jackass in my life Does that mean once a jackass always a jackass if we pigeonhole people by their flaws I think there was this guy named Jesus who said he who without sin cast the first stone I guarantee you every one of you watching this myself included have done shitty things that weren't cool But that isn't indicative of your character now I would say going forward Looking at a person's character is rather important. Do their actions master words consistently Do they demonstrate a level of trust? I invite you all to look at a person's character. I absolutely rec Definitely adhere to that, but I don't believe it is a reflection of their character if they've done it once That's just my belief Insight wants to know. How do you join the hot seat? I just put the link right there to join the hot seat inside Gigi just wrote in personal question. Oh, I love personal questions introspective Is there anything you would change in the run-up to moving in with Marie? Would you change in the approach have result resulted in different outcome? Okay, so many of you don't know this I was in a significant relationship where we moved in together It was a long distance relationship Uh, it was um long distance dating for five months. We moved in together and it eventually didn't work out Okay, what would I do? You know hindsight is 20 20 See, here's the problem with it I gained so much out of the relationship that I really honestly have a no regrets. I'm grateful for everything that happened that relationship I don't think I could have learned the lessons about myself I don't think I could have grown as a human being without going through the experience certainly where they're Where they're potential I don't want to use the word red flags but clues where they're clues That this relationship might not work out You know, it's hard to say sometimes you you have to give it a shot and sometimes it doesn't work out It doesn't mean that there was anything wrong to it. Um, now going forward It's critically important for me I've learned some more questions I want to ask before I would consider moving in with someone absolutely I think it's important that I have someone who already has a fully curated life here um near Relatively near where we we both live kind of thing I think there are now I've observed what's some more important questions because of this But I wouldn't go backward. I mean I appreciate the question, but I I honestly wouldn't change one thing I am grateful for the entire experience But thank you for asking that. I appreciate that um now Uh, leave says caviar jonathan marie were friends for a year and she she didn't pursue me She just initiated contact. She never pursued me We pursued each other once we physically met but we developed a Kind of a base friendship over the course of a year Where we spoke about seven to ten times in the course of a year over the phone and we were social media friends So I want to be clear. She never pursued me um Come on. I'd love someone to join the hot seat I'd love to have some donations to the conor asley scholarship fund hit that little dollar sign I'd really appreciate Betty says you look better than fine. Your appearance is a positive thing Oh, thank you. I appreciate that wait Who irons your is this shirt not very ironed? I guess I I'm sorry if it looks wrinkled Leave says similar thing. Thanks for clarifying. No pursuing is not the same as initiating There's a big difference pursuing represents someone who's not Is going in this direction. You have to chase them. I was here She initiated contact and then we both initiated getting to know each other That's my perception on the difference between pursuing or not. Okay Oh kim says i'm an attorney. I dated a liquor store cloak for two and a half years Okay, that makes more sense broke up with him the night he introduced me to a customer who came in a lot Was he cheating at the store? I don't know. I mean how old by the way, how old was this guy at the liquor store I'm just curious because most of my audience is in their 40s 50s and 60s. So kind of curious It's hard to say what happened. Um, you know, sometimes it's uncomfortable You know, there could be He might be feeling shame In that moment or he might be feeling inferior that you're an attorney. He's a liquor store clerk I mean he might have some judgment. So he might felt embarrassed. It's hard to say what was actually coming up for him But it's hard to say if he was cheating or not. Okay uh All right question Why do men say I don't know when asked what they are after but only want sex You know It used to be if you wanted to get laid you had to get married then to make a commitment now Most people don't know what commitment means to them. See, why do you think I'm recommending everyone ask the questions? What does commitment look like for you? What does it mean to you? I think the reason why they don't know is they haven't explored the question of commitment and a relationship I think it's because quite frankly easy sex birth control made it very easy for for men and women to have sex with one another without consequences So I think part of the problem is and I'm no disrespect to you women But the fact that sex is so easy to gain They don't it's like they don't have to buy the cow because they're getting the milk for free I know that's a lame analogy and you're offended by it What not but that's the reality of life. So when they say I don't know because they haven't Formulated what does commitment mean to them? This is why I'm why do I always say ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina? Read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman These the first chapter first chapter look at this First chapter right there lean on me trust and commitment Deep questions to ask Deep questions to ask. This is my invitation for everybody anyway Okay Leaf says lots of people prefer to keep their work and professional life completely separate. It can be the smartest move ever I think she's referring to the attorney in the liquor store cloak. Um clerk cloak um You know what listen when two people are having regular sex together I think it's important to know as much about the person hook, you know the nooks and crannies That's how I view things And so our personal our professional lives are my personal and professional life is so fucking intertwined I have a hard time differentiating between the two Anyway, I I believe it's important to get a sense of all of those All right. Come on. I'm posting a link to get on the hot seat. Okay. Let's keep going here. Bump. Bump. Bump Lulu why do men come back even though I express clearly we're not we're not for each other Um, I think of it like my son in video games If you like a video game, but you're off doing other video games every once in a while You you think because it's on the shelf you can go after it It's because you're in his You're in his vortex that he thinks he has a right to go back to you whenever he wants I think men often I think um In I think on some biological level I think men have treated women like property on some biological level and maybe they feel Like territorial biological level territorial property that sort of thing and maybe on a territorial level he Territorial level. He thinks he has some rights to you like property is what I'm saying. It doesn't make it right It's just where some men are on the evolutionary train Anika's in the house, would you say that the more we heal we would attract partners we are more aligned with I think the more The more healed and evolved and emotionally aware a human being is The more they see the dysfunction in the world. Okay Does that mean you become okay, but I do believe you become a magnetic attractor For those when you're when you have an open heart I think our ego can get in our way of blocking I think one of the biggest challenges for men and women alike is their ego gets in the way of their heart That's why I like doing psychedelics. It breaks down the ego Ego I know many of you have You know, I've felt some disdain for me because I talk about plant medicine But one of the beauties of plant medicine it takes breaks down the ego and allows us to connect with two people at a heart center level You know, they use um all kinds of medicines like mdma ketamine psilocybin all forms of therapy and I think one of the benefits of this therapy is it actually opens up our heart Beyond the surface because our our egoic parts of us oftentimes block us and sabotage us from love I invite everyone Where is my book? Oh This will offend some of the religious people out there But I did a deep dive into exploring a course in miracles Look how fucking thick that is course in miracles this I did three years of studying this when I'm in a book With a with a group of people we did it every day for three years I did it most every day for three years But allowed me to recognize how my ego Can block me from and by the way the the miracle the course in miracles the miracle is choosing love Over fear that's the miracle when we can choose to love over fear Kind of what jesus talked about a lot when we can love ourselves and love others Beyond our fear beyond our judgments beyond our resentments beyond our self crucifixions Anyway, those are just some thoughts Ah marley Thanks, jonathan been getting the same response lately bought your self love book, which has been which has been reading I love it. Thank you so much. By the way to get my book recommendations It's listed below if you want to speak to me directly check out links below As well. Here's my book Barbara says better to enjoy the beautiful single life you cultivate and find someone worthy you don't want someone to make your life You don't want someone to make your life amazing. You want to find someone to share your amazing life with can I get an amen Amen, please forget pit stains Oh Anika was kind enough to give us a ten dollar super sticker. Thank you for the love. I really appreciate it um Turn off jonathan set boundaries do things just for you take walks do something you love make time for yourself. You deserve it Is that a turnoff? All right, mary Ann says Do you think each relationship you've had touched your inner soul more deeply than the last And the idea of being all in what's next relationship could would be amazing. All right. Mary Ann just pointed out something very That rings resonates with me When I think of my marriage I was following programming go to college get a job meet a girl get married buy a house start a family I followed programming And while I I have deep care for my ex-wife and I think she has deep care for me at this point in our lives We we share a lost child together And since then we bonded in a way no couple can really bond no no x Ex-spouse can bond with one another Certainly there were many gifts that came out of that relationship and I'm grateful that I'll be candid with you. I didn't like parenting I don't like how vulnerable Unconditional love makes a person I love my son with all my heart and it and I'm also I don't like that. I care for him so much In fact, I I'm going to read to everyone. I wrote this message to my son today And then I'll get to your point in a second But I want to share this with everybody since I'm feeling emotional I wrote him a message out of the blue I said I just want you to know I see the best in you and more importantly I know you have a good heart Life isn't fair But it's not unfair either Keep moving forward each day and be grateful for all your blessings There's no need to respond to this my son. I just want you to know I just want you to hear from me that I love you and be grateful today That was my message to my son today um My marriage my second most significant relationship actually she helped reparent me after my crash my divorce and um losing my going through my um Going through a professional change in my life. She reparented me and then my last relationship um helped me learn What I needed to learn to teach every one of you and I learned I could go all in and want to take care of someone I learned that in that relationship So every relationship has been a building block to where I'm at today So thank you Mary Ann for that question. I really appreciate it She can do question. Why would a man say he's uncomfortable? Saying he started feeling uncomfortable after sex. It was 90 plus days. No sex 56 year old man uncomfortable I'm gonna guess that he's uncomfortable With his emotions or his feelings. I can't say that's it but um or he doesn't feel An emotional connection with you which makes him feel uncomfortable So it's most likely he doesn't feel comfortable because he doesn't know how to Acknowledge his feelings So it could be that he's not into you and he feels uncomfortable or he's uncomfortable being Giving you any more emotional intimacy because as far as he's concerned He can only just ejaculate and that's about all he's capable of doing hard to say This is why I prefer deeper questions early on Janie question I hang out with a single neighbor two times a week watch basketball on snacks He's nice to me and helps me. He's not courting me. Should I tell him I'm planning to go on a dating site? Well He's not courting me. Are you courting him like have you expressed? I like you would you like to go on a date? Maybe he's just maybe he's just platonic Okay, but that's not his fault He's not courting me like you have an expectation right there when you say that you have an expectation He's supposed to do something Have you guys discussed what's the purpose of the two of you? Are you just friends if he's just friends? He's being in alignment with himself I'm only I'm only aggravated because you said he's not courting me. Well, are you courting him? And if you tell him you're going on a dating site, that's that's your business Why do you need to tell him that? Or if you're interested in him romantically say, hey, look, I like you from a romantic perspective Would you be interested in exploring a relationship? But Jonathan? I might get rejected Yeah, you might But You know, do you think by the way you lady? Okay, I'm gonna get aggravated here for a moment. It's a Jonathan rant Okay Ladies we men are not fucking mind readers Stop acting like if you give all these clues, he should get the hint We don't read your mind. You think by well if I tell him I'm going on a dating site. He might Chase me. He might climb to the highest tower of the tallest tallest room in the highest tower We don't read your mind. If you like him romantically tell him Okay I get my blood pressure down Boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom Okay Sally says no, I meant when you said your personal life and work were intertwined So take time out for yourself self boundaries. Put yourself first By the way, I love it's just and by the way, I'm cool. I'm doing fine It's cool that I am But bother someone else will have that conversation People should focus on Barbara says people should focus on a healthy ego Healthy is not all bad. It can protect and even make you vulnerable in ways Uh to open up the magnitude of love. Okay, and I I'm in agreement if I didn't let me let me clarify if I didn't do this earlier Uh unhealthy ego operates from a place of fear Healthy ego operates from a self of self love I'm in a full agreement with developing healthy ego and working on those sabotaging Emotions and feelings that cause us to feel less then Okay Ty is in the house and she says I'm 33 years old. Do you think I have a chance to finding my forever person in today's time? It's been so difficult Fucking ty. I got a million women who are in their 50s and 60s that would kill to be 33 years old and have that chance Apps of fucking Lutley. You can find your forever person. Don't think otherwise Okay Monica's in the house again I'm always saying in the house. Why do I do that? What is your opinion about dating someone who is significantly younger? I'm 43. He's 34. Well, that's not significantly younger Um, he does not want children, but I really don't think he's being completely honest Yeah, you know, that's by the way, that's the escape clause when you date a younger guy because they always go Well, I've decided I want to have children um You know dating is an exploration to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone You know, I was in a significant relationship with a woman 10 years younger than me I have several friends who are in relationship with women who are older than them um, you know, I Love isn't intangible Are you taking a risk? Are you rolling the dice? Maybe But you got to do what feels right for you, Monica. Hope that helps Ariel said Ariel says Jonathan remember you said your heart didn't open up for a long time after your divorce I don't think my heart was ever open after my divorce I think I was very broken after my divorce, but it wasn't about my heart. I was just a broken guy It took me a lot of personal development self-help and spiritual work and therapy To be in a space where I can actually give to another human being. I was a taker That's why I don't like once a cheater always a cheater. I was a jackass. I was a taker Does that mean once a taker always a taker once a jackass always a jackass? I'm just going back to that narrative. Um so Allison Armstrong wrote a book called the queen's code and in this book she talks about the tunnel men go through It's the hero's journey that joseph cambell talks about and in that we go through A period of the dark night of the soul You know our shadow And we're faced and sometimes we're looking into the abyss And we don't see anything looking back at us and that's our moment to say do I want to evolve as a human being and it took me a decade of facing Some ugly truths about myself before I was ready to actually dive into something deeper Which I do today. So anyway, um I I feel like it took you know, you said your heart didn't open a long time after your divorce It took a lot of work to get there Oh rl says if someone loved you at that phase of your life, would you like her to stay and be your friend? Or would you like her to leave you? There's a saying how can you love another if you don't love yourself? I would I wanted the love I wanted it deeply. I wanted it with all my heart. I wanted love, but I wasn't in a capacity to be there. So anyway Um, hey, so anyway, that's my two cents on that janey. Thank you for the five dollar super sticker I really appreciate that ty says. Thank you. I appreciate that Oh holly just gave us a five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much. Okay our last question of the night Do you get help and satisfaction from talking on here to us and reflecting on your life? As we do flocking to see you and hearing your advice. Oh my gosh, I get so much value both out of being able to This is part of one of my biggest joys is getting on live There's something about being live that's different than when I record videos because I can feel the energy of everyone of you chatting and all that stuff So yes, I get a tremendous amount of satisfaction From being able to come on live and speaking to all of you and also when I read the comments later You guys give me so much love and I'm so grateful for the amount of love you give me I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate that and sometimes I get some mean trolling comments too but I always look at those as Recognizing that you know, I can always be compassionate to people And give love and that's the way I approach things Hey folks is what I shared resonating with you if it is do me a favor post a comment below I'd like to hear all your thoughts as always if you find value in these videos Please hit that like button. Please share it. Please hit that like button. Please share these videos Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell And if you want to connect with me directly schedule a discovery call with me to see if there's links below to schedule a Discovery call with me to join my group called midlife love mastery to get my to get all the books I recommend to get my dating vows to follow me on instagram all listed below And i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give iter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jody and maryanne and holly and sally and sherry and mara And did I say sandy and holly? Thanks for the super sticker and gg and janey and barbara and tie and ariel and onica And uh leaps and everybody big hugs. Thanks so much for all the love wishing you a super duper