 Good day, you wonderful people, you! Welcome to the AspergisGriff channel. My name is Thomas Henley and today we're going to be talking about four ways that you can improve your relationship or friendship with an autistic person. It's no lie that autism is just one of those things that makes it immeasurably more difficult to navigate. Friendships, social environments and make friends with other humans. Humans. Where is that from? Humans. Those strange, crazy little creatures that are so complex and difficult to work out. Sometimes just better to be a dog out. Good old, simple dog out. Within the world of autism, there are many different ways that we differ in our social communication style when compared to a neurotypical person and this extends to thoughts about social ideals or social norms that we have. It's very different depending on what kind of neurotype you have and I mean you only have to go to one of these autism related groups to realise just how different the styles of communications are. It's only when these two very differing brains collide in a display of friendship and compassion that a little bit more information will be helpful. With all that in mind, I'm going to highlight four easy ways nearly held up for you then. Four easy ways to improve your relationship with an autistic person and if you already have an autistic friend then this information will help you skyrocket into a different dimension, a different plane of existence where this friendship will flourish to the greatest extent of its capabilities and you'll have a good friend as well and they'll appreciate you. Number one, choosing sensory friendly places to meet with your friend. Now if you're only just scratching the surface of the latest autism research, you may know a little bit about the sensory experiences that differ in autistic people. We tend to be a little bit more hypersensitive in some areas and a little bit hyposensitive in other areas but overall it's very much dependent on the autistic person. Hypersensitivity, hyposensitivity, sensory seeking, sensory defensive, there are a lot of different jargon scientific and flamboyant terms to describe the autistic sensory experience but barring all of that for the simplicity of the video, autistic people generally struggle a lot with background noise, loud noises or bright, horrible, demonic fluorescent lights. Makes me cry thinking about it. It's really hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it but it's almost like our brains amplify all the sensory signals that come into it and this can make it really difficult as it can drive up our levels of anxiety to an intolerable level on some occasions and at the least it can be really hard to concentrate on a conversation. In light of these commonalities it's always a good shout to find somewhere, somewhere around you that isn't plagued by the evil fluorescent lights or at least it's just a little bit quiet and dimly lit, there's a really good places to go. And if your autistic friend is feeling particularly adventurous and willing to assault their senses, intense environments where these sensory signals are going to be really high, it's always a good shout to find somewhere that has a place where they can go and chill. The worst scenario is that they're going to be trapped in this place and there's going to be nowhere that they can sit and isolate and be alone and try and chill out. So having somewhere to go on the downside, probably a good idea. Number two, facilitating social interaction. It's no lie that autistic people generally struggle with the multifaceted and ambiguous nature of social interaction. But it may also surprise you that the level of social anxiety that someone can feel in those situations doesn't always match up with their desire to socialize. Personally I've done a lot of work on my social skills and I'd consider myself to be quite extroverted in comparison to a lot of autistic people. So in those situations I don't need that social support. However there is a lot of autistic people who aren't so comfortable in certain social situations. However this is not true for the large majority of autistic people and this is especially true when that socializing takes place in a new environment with different social contexts or socializing with new people. The social anxiety is not specifically confined to autistic people but unlike most neurotypical people, autistic people generally struggle with social context, body language, facial expressions, tones of voice. Anything that isn't completely confined to text, you know worded text, social situations like a debate, any other situation is going to be difficult for us to understand and difficult for us to handle when it's combined with that social anxiety. But just like yourself, after maybe like a couple of hours you start to get into a little bit of a groove and that is true for autistic people as well. Tends to be a bit more relaxing, tends to be a bit more fun and less anxiety provoking. So in light of all of this it might be a good idea to try and introduce them to other people and ask them questions that get them involved in social groups, people talking. The bottom line is we may not look like we're enjoying ourselves and want to talk but inside if we're wanting to go to a social event there is a high likelihood that we want to engage on some sort of level. Being that person to get them involved in conversations and introduce them to new people is a very effective way to make sure that they are enjoying themselves and they don't feel like a loose screw. Number three, do not take their lack of communication too personally. In the autistic community we have this lovely little metaphor to help describe the amount of energy that we have to socialize and we call this our social battery. Social battery is a good way of describing it because we cannot go for prolonged sessions of socializing on a constant basis without getting completely overwhelmed. Depending on the amount of mental health that we're currently dealing with, the amount of stress, the amount of work pressure, the amount of energy that we're having to expend each day, this social battery can be low. It can be very low. All of these factors can have a large impact on the energy we have to socialize and this is not confined just to face-to-face conversation on phone calls. If you find that your autistic friends goes for long stints of not being in contact as much or not messaging as much then it may be likely that they're intentionally just taking a step back from social media or their phone to try and preserve the little social battery that they have left. Just like with The Last Point, this is not completely confined to autistic people. It's very much an independent factor, you know, one person could have loads of energy and want to socialize all the time and it doesn't make them feel anxious or draining. It lifts them up and helps them deal with life. I'm sure that you'll have many days where you just want to shut off and get under a blanket and eat ice cream and watch Netflix. That is a good example of your social battery being flat. But when it comes to an autistic person, the act of socializing is a lot more of a cerebral task, meaning that we have to put a lot of thought into conversations and contexts and interpret different things. Whereas, you know, interpreting all those body language, tonalities, all that stuff is going to be a lot more natural to you. So this means that our social battery can be emptied very, very, very, very, very quickly and it may take a lot longer to recharge. The best way to combat this is just to be aware that your autistic friends may not have the energy to socialize on a constant basis. And if you can put yourself in their shoes and try and view it from that angle of the social realm being incredibly complex and difficult to understand, it's going to be a lot easier to not take it so personally. The amount of communication that they have with you does not necessarily match how much they care for you or how much they value your friendship. Sometimes all that's needed is to plan weekly meets or buy weekly meets, just so that the autistic person can fit into their schedule and make sure that their battery is recharged enough to engage socially. Yes, routine is really important for us. And if it just comes out of the blue, then it can be stabilizers quite a bit. Number four, the very last point, verbalize how you feel towards them, how much they mean to you, how much you value their friendship, what you think of them. One thing that I picked up on from school is that people generally don't respond well when you ask them if they're your best friend or if they're your friend. It's generally looked down upon socially to do that kind of thing and ask people to numerically rate how much of a good friend you are. But it's also a difficult thing for us because we kind of need that. Of course, for most people, where you're at in a friendship is generally loosely defined by the emotions that you exchange, the things that you tell them, the secrets that you exchange, the amount of time that you spend with the other person, the things that you do with them. It kind of gives you an idea of, you know, at what stage of a friendship you're in. And autistic people can do that, but because we like concreteness and we hate ambiguity, that can make it really difficult for us. Personally, I really have no idea how much someone actually values me, you know, what kind of friendship I have with them until they actually tell me. There's just something incredibly comforting and reassuring about a concrete verbalization of your friendship. It can clear up a lot of the ambiguity that surrounds these complex human relationships that we have. And because we struggle a little bit with the whole social network, the social world that we live in, that level of concreteness can be very helpful. So let your autistic friends know what you think about them, know how much you appreciate them, and you'll likely be very surprised at how much it can progress your relationship. You might be even more surprised at just how much it surprises them. So we've gone through the whole list of four things that I've nicely... Apologies for that. I've laid out four things that you can do that are very easy to try and improve your relationship with an autistic person. Although this video is focused around friendship, you can use these points in a relationship. It's also important to highlight that the autistic way of communicating isn't necessarily wrong. A study that I read on social cohesion compared a group of neurotypicals and a group of autistic people in a socially based teamwork task. And the surprising result was that both of them were equal in their standing. They both did equally well in this task. It's only when they mix these two together that the problem started to occur and they did significantly worse on the task compared to both of the individual groups. The truth is is that being autistic, we are a significant minority of the population. And that means that in our younger and adult lives, we need to constantly fit in and adapt in order to be accepted and to make friends. That little bit of effort the other way is just so much appreciated by autistic people. If you're one of those friends that they have, that close friend that understands their differences and their difficulties and seeks to adapt, then you are an amazing person to them. It can do wonders for your friendship and it can also do a lot of wonders for their social life. So thank you very much for tuning in to this video. I hope you've managed to take something away from it. Honestly, there's just not enough people in the world who really appreciate the amount of effort and hard work that it takes for autistic people to fit into society. There are all sorts of various hurdles that we have to try and halfheartedly jump over throughout our life in many different situations that make the social world just a very difficult place. So I wholeheartedly thank you for your time to listen to me talking about autism and its various waves and strangenesses and oddities. That's an oddity for you right there. If you're in a relationship with an autistic person or you've just started dating someone with autism, it may be quite useful to have some videos that are more tailored to that experience. It just so happens that I have in the back burner a few video ideas that I'm going to put together into a little series of videos called Dating on Autistic. So you can expect that video in around one week and I'll try and put those out every couple of weeks just to keep the ball rolling, you know, keep the YouTube train going. Of course, I'm sporting the new Aspergist Grove t-shirt and there's a lot of cool little t-shirts and masks and beanies and mugs and all that kind of jazz. On the Aspergist Grove merch site, so if you want to head down to that, go into the description, have a peruse through the different things that are available. I'm not expecting anyone to buy it but it's just nice to have one. Much love, stay hydrated and embrace your inner strangeness. I'll see you in the next video.