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Because we've not even got into the my old man's behavior, his bully boy tactics, threatening him with fucking Reg Kray, Reg Kray ringing up the house, throwing acid over my mum's car, threatening to have a contract put out on his stepdad. You used to put your tongue in my mouth. I thought that was normal so I then put my tongue in your mouth. You fucking filthy animal because I thought that was the norm. I didn't think there was anything wrong with not putting your tongue in your dad's mouth because you showed me that you fucking pig. So my dad slept with Kray behind Ron Kray's back. Not many people would do that would they? I mean I know, I certainly wouldn't. I broke down. My brain was so frazzled and sizzled and fucked. I was too scared. I lived with severe anxiety for a long time after that. I mean every day was haunting. Your dad first raped me when I was 13. Your dad first raped me when I was 13 and my stomach, it dropped like I was on a roller coaster. But what he done, he doesn't deserve to breathe. He's guilty of sin. He's done far more than what the public know, certainly than what he'll ever let on. Welcome on. And today's guest we've got Liam Tufts. Nice to meet you again. Liam, legend. Yeah, really well. Thank you. First and foremost I just want to say thanks for coming on the show. Thanks for having me on. Much appreciated. I was a big fan of your five, six years ago Facebook. I used to watch your videos actually dropped your message. They say an absolute class video. I was actually looking through a lot of madness and your videos cheered me up with your dancing and your daftness. And obviously a lot of mad stuff then came out your videos about your father and stuff that he was involved in. Dark, dark stuff and I've got nothing but to expect from you how you own that. How you just keep going on with it and just kind of be strong with it because I know I've had so many people on this program. A lot of people's took their own life and don't know how to kick on it. Obviously your humour can be a deflection of just trying to deal with it, but only find you can do is deal with it. But humour is is essential because if you take every serious thing that happens in your life serious, your whole world becomes serious. And in that tension builds up and up and up and up and up. And like you say, but the fresh cook can get too fucking powerful before you know, you don't know which way to turn and boom, you get people that because they're not releasing it in some some format. And I always used to use humour. And I do quite like dancing as you know. But you know what I'm trying to cover I'm trying to cover the few bits that you've just said there. And when you said that you reached out to me and sent me a message by the time I would have read that I was probably unpublished again. Because I would always I build a following. Then I'd say something that was over the line. Well, in the eyes of the big media companies. And then they're just without warning bam, remove the account. And I'd be talking to people, like privately that had their own issues, their own dramas, their own traumas. And a lot of them had abandonment issues. And then when I got unpublished for the first time, like my biggest account I got up to was about a quarter of a million on Facebook. And what that was the one that used that you saw me on when when it all went very dark with my old man, which we're obviously going to cover. And all these poor souls that I would talk to and console and you know, give them a little bit of strength that they need and tell them, no, no, no, you're better than you think you're bigger than you think you can achieve more than you think, you know, believe it, then you'll achieve it. Remember who you are, remember your worth, get up, make your bed, iron your shirt, just little things like that. Just go and do something that makes you feel proud, something that you didn't do yesterday because you were too tired, too deflated, too fucked, whatever. So I'd keep in touch not every single day because I've still got my own businesses to run. And I've got my own life. But there's always a little something in me that I can't see someone on their knees. So I keep in touch with them. And then one of my first thoughts was when I got unpublished for the first time, I mean, I've been unpublished so many times now that I'm just waiting for the next unpublishment. So it's coming. So I then I now sort of think why bother trying to build up another big platform, because it's only gonna gonna get taken away. But the first time I got unpublished, I thought, then people that rely on me that I'm talking to privately, but I've got abandonment issues, they're going to think I've been abandoned again. So that was another. That was another problem with being unpublished on social media. And you know the way the algorithm works, you can set up an account the next day. But people just think, people think you're gone. So it's a shame I didn't see your message. What did you what was the what was the message? I'm going through changes myself. And I'm seeing your videos buzzing for your video, cheer the dopamine replied like a few days later, he says, oh, I did reply. Yeah, you replied, man. I was looking for the message, but I don't think I had an account. So I'd love to put it because I was going through changes exactly at that time. I was wanting to be better. And yeah, just a senior video someday, share that you're dancing about the kitchen, I done a silly bastard like, but then I started watching more of your videos and they were quite uplifting. When you speak as well in your videos, you're confident in your videos seem to be on point all one take and just obviously might take a few chances to nail it. But when they were live, I thought fucking hell. And then I came across you sitting on the couch and you were talking about some dirt shit, which we'll touch on later. But I thought, wow, man, how does that man kick on because I thought I had problems when I started listening to yours. I thought, fuck me, my problems ain't that bad. Do you know what I mean? I was going through changes and try to make a lot of different decisions and better decisions in my life. But when I heard your story, because I never really on social media, you never really heard stories like that. Now stuff and you were the first I'd came across and I thought that's a bit heavy. And I think it was a first and it was by no means a public city stunt. But it was by no means for attention, which my old man, that was what he was portraying out. Oh, this is all for attention. This is for likes and shares. And it's like, no, this is doing me no favours at all. This is not what I'm about. Like airing my dirty laundry to fucking hundreds and thousands, sometimes millions of people is not where I want to be going in my life. I'm running businesses. I'm better in myself. I'm supporting my own community. I'm raising people spirits. I get a man. I like things that give me a buzz. Like, I mean, I'm an addict in one form or another, no matter what it is, if it gives me a buzz, even watching a horror film and it fucking makes me jump, it's like, cool, I fancy that again. I've got an addictive personality and raising people spirits and building people up and anyone that knows me, all of my inner circle will be the first to tell you, he will give up his own life for months until he gets until I get someone straight. I fucking love to name a couple of them, but I love to name a couple of them, but but I won't add a pure love. But yeah, I get a buzz off helping people and raising people spirits. And it's funny because when you said you thought that you had problems and you was going through some dark times and then you saw what I was going through and you realized that fucking hell, you know, there's people out there in worse predicaments. That's how I feel every day, irrespective of the traumas I've gone through. And I think it's essential that men do go through trauma because it changes you as a man and you see the world completely differently and you have a better understanding, you can look another man in the eye and say, I get it, rather than sort of wing it. But I always think if I've got two arms, two legs in my eyesight, I'm winning. And this is just a hurdle. But I do know that there's other people that haven't quite got that mindset or the support. But most importantly, I know that there's people out there that have been through, I mean, don't get me wrong, fucking hell. I had to overcome an almighty hurdle. And it was relentless with the old man because he's got a narcissistic personality disorder. And a lot of people, if you go up against a piece of shit like that, you come out with PTSD and you're troubled for life. So I've done well to come out unscathed as far as I'm concerned, I'm relatively unscathed. And I'll tell you why I think that as we go on. But I always put into perspective that there is always somebody out there that's in their bedroom, in their one bedroom apartment with no friends, no partner, no children. And what they've got is their shadow as a company. And they're looking at a noose or they're looking at a bottle of pills. And I think, you know what? I'm not there. So someone's worse off than me. So if I can, you know, big strong geezer runs a security firm, I've got no problem showing my vulnerable side. Hey, I'm human. Doesn't matter on the outside, how you look, whether you got tattoos or you got, you know, you lift weights or your box or you do whatever, like your heart, your heart, your soul, your soul, your feelings of your feelings. And you can't control them as much as you need to the best you can. You just simply can't if you're in pain. So I think if I can ease somebody else's pain by showing them a little bit of mine, sort of done a good deed. And hopefully the karma train will pull up at my station and be kind to me. And so far, life's been pretty good to me. Yeah, even though I don't want to shit you in through your leaf, you still, like I say, you're handling it and you're still trying to live a good fucking life up, people think he's got a nice car, he's got a nice house, he has messes that travels the world. Like, it's not too bad compared to when people actually get an understanding of what you went through, you're going to get so much love for it. Before we get into everything, I always like to go back to the start of my guess, get a wee bit of understanding about you, Lee, and where you grew up and how it all began. Well, I'm from a town called Crawley, Creepy Crawley, Broadfield. Anyone from Crawley will know that if you can imagine Crawley as a human body, Broadfield is the anus. It's the anus of the human body. Yeah, so True Fall Crescent, Counselor State, Raised by my Mum and my Nan, and I want to get this out there, because I don't know, because obviously none of this is rehearsed, it's all off the cuff, and this morning I found out that my dad's brother's died, so I'm not even really prepared for today, and it's ironic that we're going to talk about this piece of shit, and today his brother died, and my first message to my auntie and my cousins that have been messaging me was it should have been Peter. Peter is obviously my old man, not his brother, who lived a very, very, very, very tortured life. But yeah, so born and raised in Crawley, Broadfield was where I was initially from on a Counselor State, rough and ready, still very proud of where I come from. In fact, I'm delighted that I've come from there, and I like it when I talk to people that are from Crawley or Broadfield, and I can say, ah, it's a shit hole, and they look like that, and I say, no, I can say that, because I'm from there. It's a bit like when someone's going bald, I can pull them on it. It's like, oh no, no, fair's fair. Is that a nugget me? No, you've got a knife out of there, feels it lovely. But yeah, so Crawley, and this is what I want to get across, my mum and my dad got together when my mum was very young and impressionable. So my mum's two years younger than my dad, so my mum was 18 when she had me, so we are best of friends. I love, I adore, I admire, like, I love her to absolute pieces as I did and still do my nan. So the reason my dad managed to get his claws into my mum was because of the age my dad was, you know, he was the, he was the man about town in the day, massive personality, very confident, flamboyant, always the first on the dance floor, and he just got his claws into a very young innocent girl, which was my mum. And needless to say, they didn't last too long, because as soon as my mum got the stamp of him, like, she was out. So I maybe had two years with my mum and my dad in the same house then my dad got, he got banged up. I mean, this podcast could go on for fucking hours, because this story is hilarious. Yeah, that's cool. You'll like this one. Yeah. He got nicked for, well, he got, he got banged up. He got, I think he got, he got five and a half or six years for conspiracy to rob a post office. So we have his mate, Spider, a guy called Adrian from Crawley, great big fucking geezer, hands the size of your head. He's now, he's now no longer with us. God, I don't even know overdose. But they plan to rob this post office, got the shooters, got it all planned, fucking criminal masterminds, like the Einstein's of criminality. They've turned up to rob the post office. He's fucking closed. It's closed. And they got nick for that because they conspired to do it and got a great big lump of bird. But my old man will never tell that story because it makes him look like the fucking, like the clown that he is. He likes to tell people he's a gangster. Yeah, I've done a sixth for armed robbery. It's like, no, no, no. You got a six for conspiring to rob a post office. And when you turned up to do it, it was closed. You didn't even have the brains to check the fucking opening times. So, so yeah. So when I was two, that was one of his first holidays that I was aware of. And then it was my mum, I mean then, that bought me up. And I went, I went from a few, a few different schools, as you can imagine. No father figure in the house. And still that little bit of influence my dad had on me when I used to go and visit. I would just always come out angry and violent. He just, that's the energy. Like not, you don't come out feeling revitalized and fresh and happy and you don't want to go and put love out into the universe. Like, you just felt angry. Just, it's just who he is. It's just what he is. He's filth. So yeah, done a few bit of school hopping. Had a great time. Loved school. Loved school too much. Thought it was a fucking, thought it was a place of fun, not a place to learn. And I did have great fun. And become very close to my mum and me then. Very much your mummies and nannies boy. Hence why I've always got a lot of love for women. In the right sense, I'll open the door. I'll be polite. I treat you, you know, I treat you well. I'll be respectful. I'll try my best not to curse. Sometimes I can't control that. But I'll give it my best shot to be a gentleman. And I'm not too, I'm not overly keen on people. Never trust a man that doesn't like women. Even if they've had their heart broken once. You're not above heartache. Like, still be respectful. Everybody gets their heart broken. Doesn't mean to say that you've got permission to go and walk the earth and just be horrible to women because you think they're all responsible. So I'm very grateful in that department because I do know people that are very bitter towards women. They're all this. They're all that. It's like, fucking hell. You're going to put them all in the same bracket because, you know, one broke your heart. Like, take your medicine, man up, move on, go and find someone that you're more compatible with. So I had a lovely childhood, if I'm honest. A very, very lovely childhood. And I'm very grateful of all the love that was put my way. And like I say, Mum and Nan, wonderful human beings. And I would hate to think. I would hate to think where I would be today if it wasn't for them glorious human beings. And I tell my mum this every day. And the last words I said to my Nan before she passed was, I love you. So that's another thing, another message that I'd like to fucking put out there. You love someone, you tell them. And it's a difficult thing for men. I think there's a few things that I can only speak for men because I'm a man. Look somebody in the eye and say, I'm sorry. I'm wrong. I love you. I think a lot of people's troubles do that. Eagle. Yeah. So if you love someone, tell them you love them. Because I tell you what, if I hadn't said that to my Nan before she went, it would have haunted me for the rest of my life. But I'm veering off now. We can come back to that. So the childhood where I come from, Brawfields in Crawley, the Anus of Crawley, few schools, got asked to leave politely a few of them. I was a touch much. A lot of, almost like I had testosterone in me when I was fucking young. And then my mum met a guy called Graham, my stepdad, who they're still together to this day. They've been together, what am I, 43? Fucking hell, where's that gone? Wow, 43. So they've been together 30 plus years. And I tell you what, he tolerated some heavy duty shit. Because we've not even gotten to the mild man's behaviour, his bully boy tactics, threatening him with fucking redcray, redcray ringing up the house, throwing acid over my mum's car, threatening to have a contract put out on my stepdad. And my stepdad, I love him dearly. And if you're watching this, don't take this to heart. There is a bit of coward in you. Yeah, he's, yeah, it'll be the first to fucking, if there was an incident in the high street, it'd be the first to wish he had trainers on so he could be on his toes. But he's a lovely man. And because he's not that way inclined, I respect him so much more because he's stuck around. When there was a lunatic gunning for him. And no matter what you say about my old man, when I tell you some of the things that he's done, he's genuinely, he's evil. And his sister was the first to say that, he's evil. And I thought, yeah, he's not, he isn't just a head case or loose or a bully. Like he is, to do some of the things he's done, which I'll tell you, he's, he's evil. But then going back to the childhood, mum got with Graham, he lived in a different town, which is sort of 15 minutes from Crawley called He's Grinsted, real interesting place. Got every different religion and cult you can imagine going on there in this small little town, move there, different caliber of, like Crawley's a London overspill. So it's rough, it's ready, there's gangs, there's, you know, drugs getting shifted, people getting stabbed and, you know, if anything like that happens over there, it's not, it's not shocking. We moved to He's Grinsted, different world, very nice, a lot calmer, school was great fun again. And that is about the nuts and bolts of my childhood. It was, it was great in between me being a child and then going into my teenage years, going like to secondary school and finishing secondary school. My dad was in and out of jail, and so I would see him from time to time. He'd come out, I'd spend a bit more time moving me, it'd go back to jail. He got a, he got an eight stretch for a million pounds worth of opium. I'm trying to be as respectful as possible and leave as many names out as I can. A, I don't like name dropping and B, would they want me talking about their business? But I'm thinking, yeah, it's in the, it's in the, it's in the public domain anyway. It's in the media, it's out there. So my old man done a deal with Joe Powell Sr. I never knew him, never met him because don't forget I'm like generations below but heard nothing but good about him. So he must have kicked himself the day he got introduced to my old man who is a low down piece of shit. But anyway, they've done this deal, million pounds worth of opium. One minute, my dad's living in Burgess Hill and also whilst all my childhood's going on, my dad's in Parkhurst prison, this is before the Isle of Wight become an island for nonces. Because you know the three nicks there, they're all for sex offenders now. Whereas before you had all the heavy mob, all the gangsters. So if you was in jail back in the day and you was like, yeah, I've done a bit of bird in Parkhurst, you'd get a bit of respect for that. Yeah, I was a category president, I think. Yeah, yeah, I can't be 100% sure. So yeah, I won't say things I'm not 100% sure of. But yeah, I think it possibly was. Yeah, but it was, you know, Reg was in there for starters and my old man and him bunked up, become very, very close to the point of my old man become his power of attorney. He got all the royalties to the film, to the books. The Sun printed in the newspaper, they were gay lovers. They then managed to sue the Sun, very open about the love for each other. My old man was on the first reality TV program called Survival, I think it was called Survival at Annabelle Croft was in there. This won't make you laugh, but it will make you think, fucking hell, there's another person that's accused my old man of molesting him. Because when we get to all the juicy bits about that dog and he's denied every single fucking allegation that's gone on and it's always been somebody else's fault. It's like these allegations have been coming out since 1988. He went on a reality TV show called Survival, which was on TVS. Do you remember TVS? Yeah, it was years and years and years ago. But yeah, so the first, it was like I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. They all went out to a jungle. My old man was famous at the time for being Reggie's right-hand man and he used to sing and play a guitar and he had a single come out. Back in the day, you'd get your single and it'd go on the shelf in the stores. And then depending on the presales, then it would enter the charts. My old man got banged up while it's waiting to see how many it sold. So again, another opportunity that he, I mean he has fucked up some opportunities. This is how these narcissistic motherfuckers cannot control themselves. Because I've been in recording studios with UB40, with my old man, Jules Holland. Fucking who else is there? Roger Daltry? Giza? The who are my favorite band? If Roger Daltry was sitting there, I'd give him a cuddle, ask him if I can do anything for him and thank him for the hours of joy he's given me with his music and even his... The Fotherham? Ah, the MacVicar. MacVicar? Ah, mate. That's my classic. Yeah. I used to watch out for my dad back in the day. It's the one. It's one of my absolute favorites. Yeah. So, yeah. And I got on well with all of them. Because I was, you know, seven, eight, nine, blonde-air, fucking chubby thing, cheeky-chappy. And my old man thought he was bigger than all of them people. So, this is something that a lot of people won't know. So, you know the film, The Craze? I think it was Polygram that produced it. Sure it was Polygram. Could be wrong, but it wasn't The Who Presents. So, The Who Presents that done Quadrophenia. Possibly they done MacVicar, I'm not too sure. But anyway, The Who Presents were going to do the film. They were going to do The Craze. My old man being Reggie's power attorney, sticking his nose in everyone's business, such a control freak. Freak. I mean, everyone likes to be in a certain element of control because it keeps you stable and you know where you are. But there's a line. It's like you are a control freak and it's a serious illness. I mean, I didn't realize to the extent I was, I'm only a kid and what you see is what you know. You just think it's the norm, didn't you? Which is why not a great deal shocks me these days. He's on the phone to Roger D'Ultri. Lead singer of The Who. A big deal. A tremendous human being. Have some fucking respect. What? Hang about. Roger D'Ultri here. You want me to have some respect for a two bob wanker that couldn't even get the fucking post office times right? When you went to rob it. I don't think so, mate, fire. So that was that. And the next day, so all these things my old man had going on, he was going to be in EastEnders. He had, he was in the paper. All you've got to do is like Google his name and you'll see he was in the paper near enough every day for quite a stint of time. All off the back of Fruit and Veg, mind. Nothing he'd accomplished himself. But nonetheless, you know, he put himself in a position. Fortune favours the brave. But what he didn't realise was that he got to cling onto opportunities with both fans. And gratitude is the attitude. And he's got none of it. He's not grateful for anything at all. He thinks you should be grateful just by being in his presence. So when he's put the phone down, sorry, when Roger D'Ultri's put the phone down to my old man after fucking Pete Gillette, Xcon living in Burgess Hill, the next day, every single door shut on my old man. All his, all his ties, all his connections, all his links, all his network, just boom, door shut. That's what you get for being a fucking egomaniac, you cretin. And yeah, thank God that did happen to him. It didn't humble him, didn't humble him at all. He just threw mud at everyone and everyone was a slag and everyone was a rong and everyone was against him. And then he tries to tell lies to Reg and make out he was going to sabotage the film and fucking hell, Pete, change the record. You're a prolific narcissistic liar. So I forgot why we even got onto this. Because there's so many things about him to rattle off, I probably won't talk in straight lines because it comes back in different stages because he's done so many things and had so many opportunities and he's tried to destroy so many lives and he doesn't know where he is in the food chain. Imagine if you was interviewing Roger D'Ultri. Thank you for coming on the show. I can't believe it's you. Wow, fucking not my old man. You have some respect. Don't think so, mate. So yeah, so then the who presents no longer done the film and then it switched to Polygram. That was the back story behind that which people may find interesting that it was actually going to be the who presents that's in the film. And there's a scene in the film, the craze, where my old man is in it because Reg said, I'll give you a part. And it's when Reg goes into the shop and Francis is in the car and then two blokes are looking at the car or looking at Francis and Reg comes out about Martin Kemp and says, what are you doing? And it's the bloke that says, just looking at the car, mate. Don't see many around. They dubbed his voice as well. He hated that. You can imagine, can't you? Fucking Mr. Ego himself. Fucking dubbed my voice. Couldn't believe it, but it was an absolute liberty. And he got wading over the car. Have you seen, do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that from the scene. I remember the sweets. Yeah, yeah, exactly that. That's the best craze for them. That was a classic. Brilliant. Brilliant. And funny enough, I met, it is Martin Kemp in it. Yeah. Yeah. Great party, played. Both of them played great parts. Really, really good. Really convincing. Yeah. I bet you and me know it fucking pretty much. Line for line. Could be sitting here for the next two hours coming out with the one liners. But he comes to a club that I was working the door on years later and he was so nice, real humble, good to talk to, and then someone fucking said to him, Oh, that's Peter's son. And I'm thinking for fuck's sake, just getting on, just getting on all right with this bloke here. Like don't ruin it. And he says, Oh yeah, he's Peter's son. And I know that no one liked my old man on that set because Charlie Cray, like tongue in cheek offered Martin Kemp a drink that when he's acting the part, like actually give him a proper dig. Like no one likes him. But yeah, he was a real nice bloke. And then someone said to him, another doorman, because we had him out of back in the VIP just about to bring him out. Oh, that's that's Peter's son who was in the film. And I know he didn't like him. Do you know what he said? He said your dad was great. He was really professional. I knew it was lip service and it was bollocks. But I thought what a nice bloke. What he's just being, he's being polite doesn't need to be. And yeah, so that was that. Did you see what your dad was like at a young age? Or were you oblivious for it? Because it's kind of round all those people, man. That's because I remember watching the craze in the 90s and going to school and me thinking, I want to be like them. Just fucking crazy. The fear. Obviously you get old and you start finding out what everybody's like. And that realize it's all bollocks. But it was glamorous then. Did you see that with your dad? The oblivious to everything that he was doing and people were saying? Yeah, if I'm honest, because he was such a powerhouse of a character. And he really was a powerhouse. I used to, I've said to people, you've got to be in a room with him to believe that that kind of human being exists. It's hard to explain. He's a fucking mutt that deserves for his final breath to be now. Doesn't deserve to be on the planet. But he is still an absolute force of nature. And so I was incomplete all of him. If I'm honest, I'm incomplete all of him. I idolized him. And don't forget we all, it's human nature to want what you can't have. And as a kid, he was taken away from me a lot because he was always back in jail. And I just thought it was just all normal to me. I didn't know any different. So, you know, having reg as like a godparent and he used to ring the house up regularly and when my dad was out, I'd go and visit Reg with my dad, sneak him in a bottle of whiskey. It'd sit there getting drunk and then it'd start cutting off all the screws and then the visitor would have to be cut early and talks very quietly Reg as well. So you got to lean right into it when he's talking. But yeah, it didn't even occur to me that he's, you know, he's a murderer. Just didn't register. I was in complete awe of my dad. And we sort of, I think everyone loves to be loved. And it's like a bit like a dog. If you've got a dog that makes a big fuss of you or a kid, like automatically you respond and you, you know, you love them back in return. And where I had that from the likes of Reg, it was reciprocated. And I mean, that was just such a big force of nature. And he had all these people wrap around him. And, you know, I knew that they was famous people because I would see him on the telly. And yeah, it just seemed normal to me. And I didn't really realize just how dysfunctional he was. Even when, even when my old man slept with Kate Cray behind Ron's back. So Ron's wife, do you remember she used to do Britain's most dangerous men? So my dad slept with Kate Cray behind Ron Cray's back. Not many people would do that, would they? I mean, I know I certainly wouldn't. It's like, no, we get on great. Bit of chemistry there, but you are Ron's wife. I think I'm out. For that reason, I mean, so, so yeah. But my old man being my old man thinks he's bigger and better than anybody else. And he's steam right in. In fact, he'd give a one in the passenger seat, the vehicle that Reg bought him. Just the ultimate fucking liberty. And he's meant to be best mates with Reg. It's like you're rumping your best mate's brother's wife. Zero limits, no boundaries at all, like no code. Just a pig. Ron found out. Ron then put a contract out on my old man's head. I've been in his house, listening to my dad on the phone, telling Ron that he's a fat puff. And fat puffs don't threaten anyone, blah, blah, blah. Very much like Cornell was saying in the film, it was almost like listening to Cornell talking to Ron. My old man just didn't give a monkey's. Fought he was bigger and better than anybody. My old man thinks he must have had some set of balls. Well, he must have been a tough bastard to stand up to the craze, especially the reputation they had then. It's funny you say that, because I consider my dad a coward. But he's clearly not. There'll be... He used to like to think that he would run Crawley and he was top boy around Crawley. But I know there's other faces in Crawley for a fact that my old man... He would say that he would deal with if he needed to, but I know that he wouldn't. I know that his arsehole would fall out. So he's not... He's a bully. He's a coward and a bully. Or maybe when he was a lot younger, he had less fear and he didn't care. He thinks the world is one big movie. He's center stage and everyone else is an extra. And he truly believes that. He truly and utterly believes that everyone else is just an extra in his film and he's the main event. He's sitting in Albany jail now. And I've had Mal intercepted. He's playing judge and jury in there. He's deciding who's innocent, who's been fitted up so that it sort of fits into his narrative of... I've been set... You wait till we get to the point where I give you all the different reasons he's given and how he's telling people he's been set up for the fucking crimes he's done. Fucking blokes in there for 18 years. That's the sentence you get for burying your kids under the patio. That the trial was three weeks long. The judge just let it go on and on and on and on and on. Gets a unanimous guilty. Now I've been set up. Fucking jury's been knobbled. CPS have been paid. The detective was fucking paid. People will believe him as well, I know. Oh, of course they're all vulnerable, weren't they, and anyone in there that's absolutely banged to rights. They'll be delighted that someone is saying that they're innocent. But yeah, where was I going before we spoke about him being in Albany? It's Jag and Ron's buses. Yeah, because we're sort of... Sorry, mate. Yeah, it's okay, man. It's... Because of the... Because there's so much he's done. Yeah, to get it in chronological order, I should have come prepared with notes. No, no, this is the way it should be. Yeah. Was it having enough... Was your dad having an affair with Reggie with a relationship? Did that ever come out? Well, here's the thing. That was what was printed in the paper, that they were gay lovers. They openly said that they love each other. I mean, you and me have said that over fucking voicemail. We ain't had sex yet. They're still young, bro. I'm in no rush. But so it's never been proven. It's always been denied. And there's a story within a story here, because as much as I would deny it back in the day to people, because, you know, back then it was very taboo. You know, now I've got gay mates. I went to Dubai with one of my gay friends a few years back. We booked it last minute. We turn up, I call him Sue. He'll lie at this. I said, Sue, there's one bed. He said it was the only room I could get pet. I said, for fuck's sake. Massive great bed, it didn't matter. It was only there for a night. So like, I've got no malice towards anybody. Any race, fucking, sexual preference. Like, if you're a piece of shit, you're a piece of shit. You're a good person. You're a good person. But back in the day, it was different. And you did not want your dad to be known as someone who's getting fucking served up by another bloke. So I used to say, no, it's all nonsense. And they did manage to sue the son for printing that they were in a sexual relationship. But now I know my dad. Now I know how he operates and how he functions. And now that we also know for a fact that, like a lot of lifers, Reg did end up sleeping with younger lads as well. There was that Bradley, wasn't there? So do I think my dad and Reg had an intimate relationship? I honestly don't know. Do you think your dad was that fucking mad in his own ways of living that he manipulated him, even if it had to sleep with him, to get ins, to then get fame and attention? My dad would have manipulated Reg 100 percent. 100 percent. And I put nothing past him now. If this was before all the madness happened between me and my dad and then what I found out after I'd said about the things that he'd done to me, which we've not covered yet, I would have stood up for him in certain areas. There was one thing that never added up about my old man. Going back to the question, I do think he's mad enough. I do think he's insane enough and I do think he's evil enough to do whatever it takes to get whatever he wants. So for the record, I couldn't confirm either way whether they was in an intimate relationship or not. It's always been denied and don't get me wrong. I fucking despise my old man as much as I still love him. Now that's fucked up when you think of all the stuff he's done. But you can't help how you feel, but you've got to manage how you feel. So the love has to be managed. He's a dog. He's a scumbag. He's a wrong person. Like, keep that love suppressed. Don't let it overwhelm what the reality is, which he is a disgusting, despicable, repugnant human being. And I would love to put it on record that, yes, my old man was getting runped by a reg, because he would hate it. But the truth sets us free. So I can't come on here and tell Fibs just to score brownie points. So I don't know, but I wouldn't put it past him, because since I've learned how he operates, there's nothing I would put past him at all. That he has no limits. He has no filter. He has no boundaries. He has no morals, no respect. He's just, yeah, he's, I'm trying to work out. I mean, of course, he's a sociopath. And I'm just, I'm trying to, I've always, I've always, I'm trying to work out, is he a psychopath? There's a difference between the two. Yeah, so I don't know. When did you feel the negatives towards your dad? The older I got, well, I tell you how it all started. This is the best, the best shift is, because then this sort of can be in chronological order. So he got sentenced. This was the Joey Pyle opium deal. This is when I realized that he was a liar. And to be a liar, a lot of people won't realize this. I bet there'll be a lot of people watching this that do tell lies. And if they're honest with themselves, and they have an honest conversation with themselves, and you've got to be honest with yourself as well. And you probably won't like the answer nine times out of 10. But if you're completely honest with yourself, there'll be people out there that tell lies. Don't pretend they don't, because they're lying again. They're like, wow, this is a vicious circle of lies, and you're in prison. I've told a couple of lies before in the past. They meant nothing either. They were silly little lies to sort of big myself up, like in my teenage years. And because I told it once or twice, I had to keep telling it. One day I'd come clean, said to my mate in the pub, I said, Shane, I've got to tell you something now. I said, do you know what I said I'd done? Basically, I made out that I'd slept with a bird on holiday in Ibiza, just to get my numbers up. I was 17. We've all been there. And I said, I didn't sleep with that woman. He went, fuck, yes, I said, I promise you, mate. I said, I didn't sleep with her. And I said, but the fact I've lied about it, it's felt heavy on me. I don't want to feel heavy no more. I don't want to live with a lie hanging over me. So I know the damage a lie can do to someone. So if you're a prolific liar, you've got to be pretty fucking cooked in the head. And you're in your own psychological jail. You're locked in your own headspace. So I learned that my dad was a prolific liar. When he got the eight years for the Joey Pyle, I say the Joey Pyle because he's the most prominent name people will be aware of and they'll know. He got eight years. Joey Pyle got 14. There was a few other people that got other lumps. It was all under surveillance. There was undercover police involved. The jury got knobbled. So the trial had to restart, new jury. And this is not me coming out with anything new because also I'm not about that. If no one knows and I know, that's where it stays. I'm good at keeping a secret. But this is out in the public domain. So while my old man's on remand, and even while he's doing his sentence and I'm young, he looked me in the eye on a number of occasions. And he said, Liam, I've been fitted up. I didn't do it. I swear on your life, may you drop down dead with cancer. I did not do it. It's a fucking pretty heavy duty statement to make. Fair do's. I believe he didn't do it. Who would say that? You could say a million things. I swear to God, you're never going to meet the man probably so. Why not swear on his life? Why not swear on his life? Why me? Why wish me dead of cancer if you're lying? When you fucking know you are? Because guess what appeared on Scotland Yard about eight, nine months later? Boulder's brass clear as day, just as that camera there. Peter Gillett, two bags of opium in a car park outside a hotel from one vehicle into the other. Bang to rights. You fucking dog. You've looked your son in the eye and said, I didn't do it. And if I'm telling a lie, may you drop down dead with cancer. That resonated with me on a huge level, a monumental level. I thought, wow, that is, that's not just sinister or dark. That's fucking it. That sick twisted and evil shit. You just wouldn't say that. You'd say anything but that, wouldn't you? So that's what I knew that he was a sociopath and a prolific liar. And also, there was another thing that stuck with me, which again, I learned because he's made similar accusations about me and my friends. Fun enough, I won't mention names, but I watched one of your podcasts a few years ago and you had someone on here, but I'm watching it and my jaws drop in and I'm thinking, this geese reminds me of my old man. Fuck. Now anybody that, well, they don't even cross my dad. My dad decides they've done something wrong, falls out with everybody. Do you know what my dad does if he doesn't like someone? Or I'll give you an example. He didn't get invited to someone's wedding. Now my dad's not a straight goer. He's never worked an honest day in his life. Lazy work shy bit of shit. Never worked an honest day in his life. And this guy that he knew, nice, normal, straight going bloke. But he befriended my dad because he liked the idea of, you know, he was impressed by all that old bollocks. Me, that's the one thing I've taken from all of this. I don't fear no one and none of that impresses me. It's like, you want to live that life, that's good for you. That don't impress me. You have to sleep with fucking one and a half eyes open every night. Both of mine close at night because I fly straight. But he liked the glitz and the glamour of what he thought was impressive. You know, Pete Gillette, Reggie Craze, Ryan Manning with Jules Holland and fucking Roger D'Altri and blah, blah, blah and this, that and the other. So that's why they had a bit of a friendship. They weren't best of friends by any stretch of the imagination. My dad didn't get invited to his wedding. If you met my dad for 30 minutes, you'd understand why. The cunt would think it was his wedding. Straight up. It'd be standing there. Honestly, it'd be standing there saying, thanks for coming, everyone. No, mate, it's not your day. Sit down. There's another story in a minute. I'll tell you about it and blow your mind. But anyway, this guy that didn't invite him to his wedding, so all of a sudden they're really good friends, so much so that my dad wants to go to his wedding, doesn't get invited to his wedding. Next thing, he's telling everybody. He's a nonce. He's a sex case. He's a rapist. He's this, he's that. Don't trust him. I'm telling you, on my mother's life, he's a sex case. He's a rongant. For fucking hell, that's a serious accusation to make. And if you knew that, the fuck did you want to go to his wedding for? And I noticed this habit with him. Anyone he fell out with was a nonce, or a rongant, or a rapist. Every person he fell out with, he spread the same rumors about them to people, to the family, to friends, to their friends, to their family. So you can imagine how dangerous he was once he realized that he could spread these messages about people on the internet. Ah, Christ. I got off lightly compared to some people before me and him went to war online. If he fell out with somebody, he was tarnishing them with the most heinous accusations. And now I've got to understand the little pleb, which is all he is. Minion. Mara Ramic. He's projecting. Yeah. He's self-projecting on people. I didn't know this, because I didn't realize that my old man was all of them things. He accuses everyone of being who he is. Wow. I mean, that's not just audacious. That's fucking off the Richter scale, isn't it? That is some front. Knowing that you're guilty of all them things, but throwing them accusations out, when you know that there's someone out there that can say, actually, Pete had done that to me, which eventually happened, thanks to my live feed. So yeah, prolific liar. What was the question you asked? Sorry, mate. Just to who you are, when did you realize the negatives? You started saying that. Oh, the negatives, yes. You started saying you found out about his lies, swears in your life. You do well to remember what you asked when I go off on a fucking beat. That's just why I'm the best at it. When I go off on a tangent, even after you are, what did James ask me? So yeah, so I realized the negatives when he would always, it'd always be bad mouthing somebody in a severe manner. And I mean, yeah, it's documented. The only person I've ever really bad mouthed online is my old man. My job is to build people up, not crush them down. And if I fall out with somebody, you sometimes have to sit and think to yourself, well, was I part of that problem? Did I do anything that could have been different? You won't get that from him. So I realized the bad in him when he would lie about people. He thought he was far more superior than anybody. And some of the things he's done to my mom as well. And I don't really want to talk about my mom too much because I don't want her being involved in this because she's so timid. She's, I mean, me and her, we're, our hearts are in line, but she's introvert, very, very kind, sweet. She's just glorious, mate. She's a hell of a woman. And how she got involved with my dad is unbelievable. When she got up and testified against him in court, I hate to use the word like I'm proud of you. I think it's, I think it's a patronize in turn, but especially like being proud of your mom should be the other way around. But I'm so proud that she, she had the stones to do that because she's always been scared of him. So again, does that upset you? It infuriates me. It infuriates me. And this is how I know that he's not quite the lunatic he makes out because I've switched on him in the past. Well, when we get to the bit when, when I sort of remind you of my first, the big reveal of the things he'd done to me, why didn't he come knocking on my door, this big gangster? Why did he revert to, oh, I'm going to come back on the internet and make my own edited video. I'd go live every time. This ain't rehearsed. I'm telling you the truth. Anyone's, anyone can comment and ask me and I'll respond. And that was my whole, that was my whole purpose when he was online going back and forth of, you know, me accusing him of the things that he's done. And let me tell you, what he's been to jail for is only the half of it. If he'd have got sent to jail for all the things he's done, because witnesses pulled their statements and decided not to, not to go ahead because he was threatening to throw acid in their face and to people that know that he probably would do that. Again, that's about as much as I can say about that, because if it's not my story, I can't tell it. Although you may get, you may get other people off the back of this to think, you know, what I want to add to that and you'll get more interesting stuff from the demon. I've lost my friend again, James. So, yes. So, my mum went to call. So, before that, when they don't know, no, oh, yes, the things he's done to my mum. Oh, he put a knife up and get up to her throat and she was pregnant with my younger brother who's 10 years younger than me. When my mum had a miscarriage, he left a voice note, a vote back in the day. It was like, answer machine, run it, you get home. He had seven messages all gone play. I was with the days, weren't I? And one of them was my old man, laughing manically. Absolutely delighted that my mum had had a miscarriage. And then when she felt pregnant again with my younger brother, I hope he's born as spastic. Why would you hope anybody was born as spastic? Why would you hope that my mum's child was born as spastic? She's done nothing to you. My mum's done nothing to anybody. She's the kindest person I know. Doesn't like conflict. Doesn't like arguments. Just, I've said it once, I'll say it until I'm blue in the face. A glorious, wonderful human being, as was my nan. And it's thanks to them, I kept on the straight and narrow because if it was for him, God knows where I'd be. Just the little snippets of time that I spent with him when he was in and out of jail was enough to do some damage. Does that scare you to think that if he never got the jail for that robbery where he fucked two times up and he spent more time with you than how you could have been as an individual and not having that loving support from your nan and your mum? I'm more, you see, I'm more the way I perceive things is I'm more, I always go the other way. I'm not fearful of what could have been. I'm just extremely grateful of how it went because if it had have gone the other way and he had more impact, more influence on me, then, yeah. I mean, he wanted me to be a drug dealing fucking bully boy. I mean, 100%. And he done some, I didn't even realise that he he was abusive towards me until someone actually highlighted it. I've got pictures actually on my WhatsApp which are forward to you. Yeah, we can put them up if you want. Yeah, you'll get it taken down because I'll tell you what they are. So, and also my man's got a little band of merry men and none of them seem to think that what he's done is a problem when I tell you about him jumping in a 13-year-old girl's bath. No one seemed to think that was a problem. When there's pictures of me and him on his second honeymoon, he took me on his honeymoon and there's pictures of me and him in a swimming pool with our whole bodies raised and like with my shorts pulled down below my knees. So, my little ball really is poking above the surface and my dad's next to me doing exactly the same thing. Now, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to work out who encouraged who to do that and someone's taken a photograph of it. These I've got and I will give you. And it was these pictures that someone said to me when I found them in a box. I forgot they even existed. You do know that's abuse. And I'm like, yeah, that is abuse. Fuck me. I'm in a swimming pool in Spain on his honeymoon and he's pulling his swimming trunks down exposing his cock and balls. Raising them above sea level getting me to do the same so someone can take pictures and there's a few of them. That made me sad. That made me sad because I couldn't change that. It happened and it was there and it was documented via photograph so I can see it, relive it and just think that was an innocent play because also on his honey, on the same honeymoon so now I'm going back in time again so sorry about all the timeline. The timeline, hop in. Remember I said to you there's so much that this could take like four podcasts to get through it's because he's done so much I forget. So I went on his honeymoon every afternoon they'd have a siesta. They'd have a siesta. The door would be left open. He'd be having sex with his second wife. I'll be walking around the villa. I can see him having sex. Why would you leave the door ajar? That's a deliberate stunt. The deliberate thing would be to fucking shut the door, lock it. If you're that keen to fucking like ravage your new wife and you can't hurt yourself because your young son's there, shut the door, lock the door, keep it quiet. Fucking door wide open, hammering tongs and I'm a young kid walking around like looking at that and that made me feel very awkward. I remember even now I could sort of relive the feeling in here. That was awkward. But again, you get desensitized to things and sort of it becomes the norm and it's like oh it's you know by the end of the honeymoon siesta time. This is where the old man rumps Geraldine again. And I'm not tired. Like what fucking what nine-year-old or however old I was like as a siesta on holiday. It's like yeah I'm not an old man. I'm like a young lad. Bedtime sort of seven, eight, nine on holiday. So that's enough. That's another thing he done. He gave her a clump on the same honeymoon in front of me which scared the daylights out of me and I'd never seen a woman treated like that before because I was raised by women. I thought women were the strongest pillars of society. Like you don't fuck with women. And then bam! Like core. And then I'm too scared to say anything or do anything and then he's taken me into into wherever we were in Spain into some town and I remember him. Do you know why he gave her a clump? Because she spoke Spanish and he didn't know. We went to sorry he's come back to me the reason why. Yeah it's all right giving you the story but like without some context. So we went to wherever we went in Spain like a restaurant or maybe even a bar and we're sitting there and she spoke Spanish to the waiter and because my dad didn't know that she could speak Spanish fuming, bubbling, bubbling, bubbling gets back to the villa. Bam! Clumps her. Then goes back out to score a bit of puff. So that's the sort of dog we're dealing with. Now if I went to Spain with my missus who does a lot of things that amaze me by the way and she started rattling off Spanish in front of me I was like fucking hell wow fair play you kept that from me that's awesome. Now teach me how to say yeah but yeah not him because just that megalomaniac control narcissistic filthy don't keep things from me. It's like yeah you know she's not adding to fare she's obviously been speaking a bit of Spanish long before you come along and they was married within I think weeks as well so it's not like they had a great deal of time to get to know each other. So that was another that was another moment where I realized I was scared of him if I'm honest. What did people used to say to you about your dad? Was it all positive or was there anybody ever come forward and say look? No so all my friends thought he was great because well I can ask I'll skip to the bit where he basically fed us all drugs so you can imagine. Now my mum and my nan would always be worried. They would always be very very worried about him because they knew what he was all about and he would always you know it would always be threatening you with something. There'd always be some kind of threat and you know it was clear as day who he was wrapped around with who he was associated with. He built up a big network in jail and he always had you know he always had someone wrapped around him with a fucking nose like that and a great big mask by Dan his face like fucking seven foot tall. So of course if he says you know if this happens and and he'd have paint stripper thrown on my mum's car and it would always be up to something but you have to remember during all of this my mum is not one of them women. She's not neurotic. She's not a problem. She never ever stopped him from seeing me. In hindsight she should have done but she didn't agree with that and I respect and love her for it. He's my father. It's his right to see you. She kept a close eye on it as close as she could but don't forget my dad master manipulator got in my head. So this is why my friends ended up liking him. So I now think I was 15. I thought a few years back I was either 14 or 15 but the more I think about it I was probably 15. 1995. I was born in 1980 but I had friends my friend Nicu come and testified Sergeant Major in the Army for 14 years very credible human being outstanding man. He was a year younger than me at school but we would all go to my dad's house. I mean this is where my dad was completely banged to rights in the trial. This was I think this charge was child cruelty something something like that. There must have been maybe 10 friends all in all. I mean talk about doing things in plain sight but that's what he done and that's what all of these narcissistic fuckers do the Jimmy Savils. They do it all in plain sight all blasé and then it gets to a stage where he does outrageous things and it's like oh you know it's Peter that's what he does. He used to take me to watch the arsenal. Again, never memories come back. He used to take me to watch the arsenal and he'd rush me in the toilet if I needed to go if I needed to go for a piss. He'd come behind me undo my trousers pull my pants down hold me cock while I'm taking a piss. He'd hold me cock for me shake me dick put it away. I think it's normal. It's my dad taking me to the toilet. Knew no different. And I'd actually forgot that he'd done that until another friend of mine who he used to take to arsenal as well which was one of his best friend's son same age as me I won't mention his name but he was also prepared to come to court to give a statement but it wasn't necessary. He said to me yeah your dad when we go to the arsenal we take me in the toilet and he'd do this and he'd pull me knob out and I said fucking hell he's to do that to me. I said I totally forgot he even done that. That was one of the things that I forgot he'd done but he just done it in such a way that it felt normal. But that's not normal. We know that's not normal and I know that's not normal now. So that's another thing he done. I'll just jump back in time there because I was younger then. So why am I why my friends liked him? Because he treated him all like adults. So we'd go round is yeah he was in our athway homes before once he'd come out of the shovel before he ended up renting a flat in West Green Sunnymead. Anyone from Crawley will know these flats in Sunnymead. Now they do haunt me. Now I'm always the glasses half full but there's a certain there's a certain part of my life childhood which is haunting because I got introduced to drug-induced anxiety like I've got a feeling you know that vibe. It's very very scary and when I tell you some of the things he used to do to me in a minute it'll fucking you'll think wow he is evil. So my friends liked him because we'd all go round there. He'd be rolling joints and he'd have a little pipe with solid. You know we're 15 14 school kids impressionable. This is my dad the big character Reggie craze right our man. He's in the film. I mean now we know like a small part in a film. It's not worth a wink but at the time when you're a kid you think your dad's a movie star didn't you? So yeah we all had him on a pedal stall and he all treated us like adults and that's why my friends liked him. So we would go around there but it'll be smoking smoking dope with him. That's how it started smoking the puff with him. Even had a friend in the high street one day sort of pulled him in front of me. He was a he's passed away now. He was a he was a pro boxer at the time and he said oh yeah you know we're going back for a puff and he's looks he said you're going back for a puff. He's like Peter he's you know he's a kid. Oh he fucking loves it. He's old for his age or it come out with some spin. Can spin anything? My old man he really can. To the point I had a screw when I had I can't remember what one of my accounts before it got unpublished. He sent me an inbox saying I was in I was in Lewis when your dad was in there on remand or whenever it was in there he said he is a very very manipulative man. But yeah no shit. I'm acutely aware of that but he said yeah he goes I couldn't message you at the time because it was a conflict of interest. So people cotton on to him. So it started smoking puff. All of us together. Then it went to and fed him in. In fact let me go back quickly. Another thing he'd done when he lived in Burgess Hill so I was a lot younger. He'd have these late night drug parties even when I'd go around there that didn't stop him. It'd still be up like men women there all fucking all all cracking on out of their nuts. I think back then it was more ease that they were into. But they'd just be playing porn like it was Coronation Street. So while I'd come down in the morning there'd be people sprawled out all over the gaff with porn running. You remember back in the day you'd get VHS and you'd put it on long play. You'd get an eight hour tape fucking eight hours worth of porn just playing on repeat and I'd come down and watch that and see these people spangled out their nuts. And I was a kid I was young. He just didn't think to just press stop Peter. You're going to bed now you got your kid here. Like just press stop on the video don't need pornography fucking playing. But that's just the dog he is. I said that was that. Sorry jumping forward again because I'm now thinking about his party in antics. Because this is when he done some damage to me. Up until this stage now you know he he done a few things to my mum and but he was still my dad and I you know still loved him and he was in and out of jail as well so I never really got to know him properly and I'd only see him in like little snippets of time. And then when the drugs escalated and this is the scary bit this actually I look back with a bit of fear and think ha yes I'm extremely grateful that didn't happen but it was that close to what I was just touching base on before we started rolling started smoking puff together all my friends then we started doing amphetamines together again with my friends. So this is when he's in cocktail and saying that everyone's a liar and it's all a big fucking stage and a setup and it's like Pete there's that 10 witnesses to this one mate all all independent like kids at the time that could describe your flat tell you tell you like even what the puff was it was rocky that we were smoking or soaked by like everyone knew what we were smoking then you was getting the amphetamines in so we're sitting up whizzed off our heads and for a young brain that's still at school that hasn't even properly developed yet that is so much stuff going in and such an intense environment with him because there's no filter with him he doesn't change he's is aggressive he's his forthcoming he's as dominant he's as controlling he's as despicable around a seven-year-old then he is a 40-year-old so after the amphetamine we'd set up all night and then he'd go to bed he'd take a tamazepan or valium and put himself out and I'd be fucking laying there for hours face tingling and twinging and I just remember sort of staring in the mirror and that there'd be porn on I'm 15 years of age mate around my dad's house you know not only monkey see monkey do if your dad's doing it it's surely it's okay when you grow up you realize fucking hell that's not okay you should be swinging from a tree in fact it should be a public hanging just for that then it shifted to ecstasy so we're all sitting around his house taking ease with him then the speeds coming out then these drug cocktails then he introduced me to acid have you done acid yeah yeah trucking bowls man because it's one of them ones and the people our age like we was we sort of luckily well I didn't luckily but a lot of people might like they never done it because it was more like in the 70s 70s yeah all the hippie-dippy stuff but when I tell people about acid and I and I mean this wholeheartedly you could put an acid tab there a purple micro dot or an om or whatever the fuck and you could have a million pound in cash you do that micro dot that million pounds yours I couldn't do it I wouldn't do it I would be scared out of my wits but I would never ever come back from it because the damage that the LSD done to my mind as a young boy with my dad's behavior thrown into the mix so he won't take it acid all sitting around going chillin yeah chilling out and talking about love and life and you know positive stuff and affirmations and fucking talking about furniture and fen shway my man was talking gangster and he could see that I was having a funny turn on and when you have a funny turn on it's the scariest thing I've ever experienced in my life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy the paranoia the hallucinations the complete loss of your mind and the fear and you don't even know what you're scared of and my dad would sit there in front of my friends and out of the blue it'd say it'd say what'd you say I said what'd you mean he said you just fucking said something I said I didn't he said no you just fucking said something you cunt what did you fucking say you fucking said something he would go on and on and on I don't even like reacting it because it's cringe-werving me doing what you used to do but so you get the full effect he'd get right in my face as I'm freaking out on LSD as a 15 year old child what did you fucking say you cunt I didn't say anything dad and he'd go and he'd go fucking mug slap me on the leg gotcha see him fucking shit himself didn't he the cunt it's like wow you sick twisted motherfucker but I'm just too scared out of my wits and like frozen with fear thinking I'm losing my mind here like my dad is switching on me for no reason because he found it funny and all my friends around him none of them found it funny but everyone laughed out of nerves that's the sort of thing he would do to me psychological bullying that is traumatic that's heavy so that time I spent in that flat in sunny mead that's the sort of shit I was subjected to they weren't nice times with my father we weren't doing any kind of normal bonding we weren't sitting there watching films uh playing rummy cub or monopoly or listening to fucking fleet with mac he's pumping me full of mind-altering drugs and switching on me and leaving porn on and belittling me and then on my 16th birthday after we'd been up fucking all night long he's come in come in the bedroom and then told me that I'm now gonna move in with him oh mate it was terrible he went into graphic detail about our life's gonna change now you're a man it's like fucking I'm 16 still I was 15 yesterday fucking spangled on acid and you were switching on me this morning you're gonna come and move him in me we're gonna do this we're gonna do that you're like you're fucking your shit-cunt mother and it I mean he said that a few years later and I switched on him and I've he looked about as scared as I was when he switched on me so I know he's a coward but at the time I was still in absolute panic come down spaced out whatever it is on that shit which is why you would never catch me doing fucking that again so that's another thing he done which was extremely evil which I'll never forget which is when I went to the police in the end that was one of the things I said that he would you know he would give me class A drugs another thing he done which he got a guilty for he he'd always walk around with an erection as well it always walked around in front of me over hard on and again it explained in the morning when you're a man you wake up you need a piss you get hard on it's like okay bit weird my step dad doesn't do that in front of me but if this is how it is this is how it is so I sort of got a bit normal to that and when he lived in this in this halfway house when he come out to come out the boob to get waited to be house somewhere else or rent somewhere he used to hop around these little bedsits and we'd have to sleep in the same bed you'd have one double bed so we're sleeping in bed one day this is this is another thing that he got guilty for I fucking look right in in the morning and he's fucking sitting there playing with it with his odd cock in front of me now this did make me feel awkward and I sort of recoiled and he obviously sensed that and then moodid he was scratching his leg so I I didn't imagine that because this is when I was very young but I wasn't on mind watering drugs back then this was of sound mind like very aware of my surroundings what's going on to the point where that's making me feel very uncomfortable fucking you got your your hard cock in your hand sort of shaking it about and I look in the same bed as me he could tell I felt obviously extremely uncomfortable about it I couldn't hide it and he sort of rubbed his leg and you know tried to style it out then he's got up gone to the toilet but I never give it I never give it another thought I never give it another thought because I was desensitised to all of his dysfunction and so when I went to the police after I put a live feed out saying all the things he'd done yeah how did that start when because when I watched your videos it was all fun and positivity like what was the moment for you to jump on alive but how did that start right so this is our we call it a feud began because I remember sorry for interrupting but he was trying to copy your videos as well because I remember you saying a video of that he was and that never made sense I just thought it was a bigger I didn't realise the depth yes but I seen just that was like because I can remember fucking it's mad that I can remember that shit yeah and now you're sitting here do you know what it makes it because this is the first time I've ever spoke to someone that I've not known my entire life about it it sort of makes it easier and I can connect with you because you do remember that yeah because there's a lot of people that didn't see the goings on and anyone that watched it watched the whole let's call it a feud an internet feud back and forth with the videos they saw it clear as day he was banged to rights I'm telling the truth I had no there was no reason for me to lie it all went against me I'm trying to live a nice normal life and run a business and it consumed me how I managed to keep hold of my business is excuse me is is beyond me it was so consuming because I remember you used to do videos and you're not going to do anymore but then somebody else would come forward yes and then you would talk about them this is the middle it was so fucking mad I was going through mad shit at that time genuinely I thought actually made me feel better I'm sort of I was going to say yes I thought Maly I'm just going through a few addiction issues and yeah other shit that was going on but it wasn't as in depth other people's names started getting involved and then I think other people started doing lives it was just it was messy it was incredible how many people got involved that didn't have the first idea let me go back to how it started when I first done my life but just just bookmark this DJ Sally Dixon anybody watching this Google DJ Sally Dixon it's the piece of shit that identifies as a woman but a man got sent to a woman's jail it's all in the newspaper got banged up for nonce in his kids friend of my dad's back in the day jumped straight on my dad to my dad's defense when I made these allegations well when I basically stated that the facts and the truth of what took place he jumped straight to my dad's offense defense had him on his radio show and that's what I'm talking about me like I'm I'm this fucking water mitty character and none of it ever happened and Peter is whiter than white and as if he would do that and he's a great bloke and I'm thinking fucking who is this DJ Sally Dixon this DJ it's another thing that a couple of my dad's friends were not friends people that knew my dad's years ago don't forget my dad spent most his life in prison so they knew my dad 30 years ago then they rekindled their relationship 30 years later through the internet but yet they're telling people oh I've known Pete 30 years it's like no no no you met him 30 years ago and you've re-met him now in those 30 years what the fuck do you know about him zero and that's what this DJ Sally Dixon was saying about me oh I've known Liam since he was boom boom boom I managed to get on the radio show pretend that I was somebody else yeah Dixon yes Liam Peter son don't put the phone down you've just let my dad sit there and talk on your fucking Poxy radio show about me so I'm now going to talk to you firstly I want to clear one thing up you said you've known me 30 years can you confirm what you mean by that no no no confirm what you mean by that well you come round Jackie Brown's house when you were seven and you loved your dad and I said so you met me once when I was seven can we can we confirm that yeah right and because I'm now 37 and you've seen me on the internet you're telling people you've known me 30 years you fucking moron you've met me once when I was seven of course I'm going to look look at my dad you know like he's my hero I'm seven that the age could be slightly out but you get the gist so you've got these low level intelligent people and obviously now we know that birds of a feather stick together we've got these filthy dog rat pieces of shit that all seem to think that nonsense is okay of course he's going to jump to my dad's offense but DJ Sally Dixon you'll be interested in if that doesn't ring a bell it was a it was quite a big story and it was brilliant when I found out that not only as you've been nicked he's been investigated he's been charged then he's been birded off it's like thank god for that because it's horrible when people are against you because people believe them as well yeah and that's the hard thing when you're trying to speak the truth that they ever make you stop and think hmm that's maybe about too much and to back off brother on my mother's life I said this from day one I said I'm going to commit to this and if I lose everything not when it was just my the things that he done to me so just to be clear the things he done to me because my old man liked to then put out on the internet that I'd accused him of raping me I'd never said that oh the boy that cried rape he would go and he'd take the piss out of me so he would lead people to believe that I've said that he raped me and I didn't say that I didn't say that at all I said that he used to suck my tongue which he did which I then thought was was normal your dad's sucking your tongue and then he'd say he would go on and be a weird fucking bird yeah fucking the Dalai lama yeah it's like fucking out Dalai meet Pete there you go get your tongues out lads get your tongues out for the lads yeah so so that was weird so he used to like suck my tongue or put his tongue in my mouth I can't remember the fucking sequence you know I'm a kid but when I mentioned that my man's response was I've been talking to a man of medicine a doctor and he says that for me to suck your tongue you had to put your tongue in my mouth is that what you've done you dirty cunt so he's saying that over the internet to me trying to twist it it's like no you used to put your tongue in my mouth I thought that was normal so I then put my tongue in your mouth you fucking filthy animal because I thought that was the norm I didn't think there was anything wrong with not putting your tongue in your dad's mouth because you showed me that you fucking pig but you always twisted it round he even blamed me as a nine-year-old for getting in this 13-year-old girl's bath he's like oh fucking hell the nine-year-old gets the blame does he so yeah where was I oh yeah so I come out with with my bits and pieces so to confirm what made you come out though we had another row because every time I would get remotely close to him we would have another fallout because he must have been if I was Peter and you're you and I was to come on your show I'd be very grateful thanks for having me really enjoyed my time I wish you the best of luck let's stay in touch and I want to watch you fucking blossom and grow and take over the world I want you to be a multimillionaire have the biggest family good luck to you then we'd go and we'd keep in touch my old mama come on your show he'd then look at who else you've been speaking to he'd go back through all of your guests he'd then contact them yeah I didn't like this about James what do you what do you think boom boom boom boom oh yeah I suspect this about James mate before you know it he's weaving in your network and your circle and he's trying to turn everybody against you for what reason I don't know I can only assume it's jealousy because anytime he saw me do well you could see it in his face he turned up on my on my on my doorstep one day which was fucking horrendous it's like mate I need a month's notice when you're coming around mate I need to brace myself you're fucking exhausting knock knock knock on the door I've opened it I see old man I'm like oh right it goes oh just passing thought I'd come in because what he'd done was he started collecting ink toner cartridges so this is this is this is pivot all this bit ink toner cartridges so we'd go around fucking schools fucking Pete the sex case going to school to collect toners schools hospitals industrial states anywhere where like companies use their toners and rather than throw them away he says well I take them and I give the money to cancer research he doesn't a little bit of that money goes to cancer research so he was fucking pulling the moody one there so he had this fan this was him going straight this is actually I was gonna say he's not done an honest day's work in his life it wasn't honest but it was the closest thing he's ever done to work was driving around saying please sir I want some more can I have your cartridges so he's knocked on my door just passing he said I said oh right come in are you doing yeah not too bad in like a Tasmanian devil boom boom boom it would never ask you how you are would never ask how you've been how you're doing what's happening in your life it'll be it'll come straight in me I everything about him like like you've asked him it's like fuck mate I've not asked you a single question you're telling me all about what you're up to it's like fucking slow down we've gone into the kitchen I'm boiling the kettle for him now I've not barely said a word because you can't get a word in with him it's as simple as that so I'm already I'm absolutely kettle trucked because he's exhausted me and I'm pouring this tea out and I used to have a step that was sort of elevated from the rest of the kitchen and he stood on this step so he's now towering over me I'd said enough a bit like when he bit like that what'd you fucking say out of the blue like what he's towering over me now by this stage I've got my own business I've got my own property doing well got a good network some great people around me got the best friends that you could possibly wish for that's another thing that I'm absolutely blessed to have real their family and he can obviously see this you know I've got all my best friends I've been friends with since school I just don't fall out with people we just get stronger and stronger and tighter and tighter and we build each other up that's the rules you know I've got a lot of lads have a lot of lads would do that whole banter thing you cunt or fucking just mug each other off and it's just bants we don't do that we just don't do it I know most people do and there's nothing wrong with it we've just never done it it's always like you look great are you feeling you're looking well great new contract I'm glad you got that that job's lovely you know everything's just positive absolutely mate because I just words are powerful words are powerful just about to see them yeah words are powerful and you've got to be careful what words you use with yourself and certainly what you pump into other people's subconscious because you know you say I've always said if Brad Pitt lived with me for a year and every morning I come downstairs I'll say Brad you're an half an ugly cunt first two days he'd go fucking leave out I'm Mr. Hollywood so look at the jaw line on the Giza like have you seen the six pack three mumps in here Brad you're an half an ugly cunt it start looking at himself wouldn't he thinking so you've got a point a year down the line he'd think he was ugly you've got to be careful so we just pump goodness into each other nothing but love compliments and again like we've got no problem with the with the whole male love thing we cuddle each other we kiss each other I love you no problem so my dad we very jealous of this very very jealous so anyway he stood on this step towering over me and out of blue he said to me odd one fucking rings around you what the fuck I'm like I said are you all right I said fucking get off that step you pratt and shut your mouth because by this stage it's like roles are reversed shut your mouth your plum fucking know your place you know what I mean you've come here in a fucking clamped out old diesel van let me sit in the front room boom boom boom having a chat I'm tolerating him and uh he's talking about being self-employed mate he rung up HMRC because he owed the money said google me HMRC like the the the biggest firm in the world yeah google me it's like yeah Pete I don't care who you are you're a little fucking idiot from little lampton anyway so we're sitting there talking in the front room and uh he's talking about this new business thing that he's doing collecting these cartridges and uh how much it's costing him and I said you do know that you can like claim your mileage back or get your expenses through your diesel and you know there's there's tax benefits when you when you're self-employed and he's fucking sort of looked the other way looked into space and looked at me have a bit of a fucking puzzle look on his face he said really I said yes a good job you can run rings around me isn't it geyser fucking idiot so he's just unaware how much of a fool he is and still thinks he's uh he's above and beyond everybody else so where were we geyser just for hope your first team you were going to start speaking out about him yeah it's a good job you remember the questions because I'll veer off with him that's what he does to me he's the only person that will send me off into a tangent yeah totally because there's just there's that there there's that bit there and and what he is is a deflection artist he's like yeah you keep looking there so you can't see what that one's doing is do you feel that though that as soon as you speak out against them you're going to be blamed that's a scary tactic to have over somebody as well well this is when I got to know my biological father up until the day or just before the day that I I publicized what he'd done to me that was the day I got to know him I didn't know him before I didn't know him before and fucking hell you know that time I said I was when he when he put me on all them drugs and then he went on to heroin I don't even I don't even know if I got to that bit when I was telling that story because I keep chopping and changing but yeah so when when was on we went on to the and fed him in lsd then all the fucking to moxie pen the df uh df 118s fucking anyone that's that's heavy into it we know what df 118 is and you would only know what df 118 is if you've been wrapped around fucking people that are involved in that he then got on to smack his neighbor topped himself my old man's neighbor used to come over and smoke a joint with my old man it was an ex-military just got divorced vulnerable used to come over rolled his great big jimmy cliffs like that on the table smoking a great big spliff and uh before you know it he's part of the acid part is then I broke I then went and confessed and told my mom and my nan I broke down my brain was so frazzled and sizzled and fucked I was too scared like I lived with severe anxiety for a long time after that I mean a lot every day was haunting and it was basically it was a it was the aftermath of the drug abuse that he'd put me through and I do believe in being accountable for your own actions I really do but not when you're 15 not when you're 15 you're someone else's responsibility especially like a big power house of the father but yes and my dad's neighbor it'd come back and forth smoking spliffs with him then he got on to the acid then he got on to the brown I just before the heroin was introduced I broke away from him and confessed to my mom and my nan what I've been doing at my dad's house every weekend and then slipping into the week and that I mean a real bad place and I and I need help and my mom and my nan they fucking put me on a strict regime good diet exercise plenty of fluids plenty of love I mean I owed them man I owed them massively it's what I got a lot of love for women it was the women in my life that fucking they pulled me out of that dark hole I was in that that fucking piece of shit didn't just fucking dig for me he then kicked me in it this bloke and he ended up topping himself raging smack habit compliments on my old man so when I initially come out I come out because ink toner cartridges remember I said we'll come back to the toner cartridges my dad said to me right blinding I moved I moved offices I expanded the business and I got these offices and my dad went oh blinding he didn't say well done congratulations or anything of the salt never ever ever once did he did he say anything complimentary never always wanted to just nudge me down a little bit and it's not like I was flash with it at all but always wanted to knock me down and he said oh blinding you got these new offices these new premises I'll uh I'll come around and I'll collect some cartridges I said no no no no you won't you won't be doing anything of the salt you keep your business in your area do not come near my industrial estate I will not be vouching for you that caused a massive problem with him and also he saw a picture I mean I mean me and him barely used to see each other anyway and then we'd sort of make up I'd see him at a boxing do and it's odd to see your dad when you've had a fallout and then you're in a public place because there's deep rooted love there yeah of course because it takes you back you feel like a kid again do you know what I mean but I think that's the power he has over people yeah especially because I've interviewed a lot of people who's come on and they've been through some horrid shit when they were younger as soon as they've seen the person who'd done the bad to them the freeze we've got the power they steal that power straight away Jeff Thompson who I've been mentioning recently 8th Dan absolute killer yeah he called it the parasite he got abused where he's an instructor and he's a kid 11 12 he called it the parasite just became filled with fucking hate and hate and hate absolute killer he said always had me thoughts of killing this man when they've seen him hmm they've seen him 8th Dan killer seen him as soon as they've seen him he froze he stole his power straight away oh wow it doesn't matter who you are what you are yeah there's some sort of element of a control he had over you yeah he lost that after a while I managed to get your power back yeah and in abundance as well to the point when he comes out of jail because he's got 18 years he's got to serve nine he's lucky actually it didn't he didn't get sentenced a few a couple of years later because I think you'd have to do three quarters I'm not too sure it works now but he's got to serve a minimum of nine and he's done five when he comes out who knows what he's gonna do because his whole defense is I've set him up I've set up his victims bearing in mind there's more victims that didn't go forward because they were scared of him like I say if he'd have got convicted for all the things he's done which just they're not my story to tell but I've got no reason to say anything that's not truthful I mean there was a three week trial the jury made up their mind so the judge how did it start though the first battle with the cartridges who was the what was the meaning so yeah so the cut so I told him no then he went round bad mouth in me to the family and then on the internet and I said and then he started calling remember I said like he'd go through your network he started going on Facebook seeing who worked for me contacting them why are you working for Liam you do know that while you're standing on the door he's sitting at home twiddling his toes earning fucking X amount of money on you you know he's charging this and paying you that I said well yeah that's the way the world works of course like everybody has to make a profit but he would try his best to sabotage my relationships my business everything you can imagine and then he'd go for my friends and start saying things about me to them oh do you know that he said this about you and luckily we're so tight they know that I would never ever say that so it didn't get anywhere but it was triggering me and and at the time I was with somebody that had highlighted when I showed her these pictures which I can show you before I leave that that's child abuse and then when you put that together with him walking around with a hard on shaking his cock about pretending to scratch his leg giving you lsd at fucking 15 shagging about the honeymoon rumping his mrs in front of me leaving pornography on this like whoa this is abuse this is abuse he has he has abused me so I said to him if you carry on because he was also portraying himself as a saint on the internet like a leader of man by the all seeing all knowing oracle of life giving out life advice to people thinking fuck me you spent the majority of your life in the shovel for crimes that you couldn't get right it's not like you was unlucky you tried to rob a post obviously it was closed you fucking prat so you're in no position to be given out dishing out life advice pretending that you are a like pretending he was an intrinsically loving honest caring person he's not gone ounce of empathy in his entire shit-ridden body doesn't care so I said you're not doing the cartridges simple as that I'm not vouching for you and I'll tell you for why because everybody you come into contact with you fall out with them you cannot help yourself you fall out with them and then you make up terrible lies about them and then you aim to destroy their life there's no way I'm vouching for you just stay away fuck off and he took that as a major major major slight and he come gunning for me with lies with bullshit with threats it's like mate I ain't a kid no more you come near me and I think you're a threat I'm fucking putting you in the ground and that is gospel that's not that's not like that's not tough guy talk I'm not trying to flex that's a fact you've done enough to me my entire life to warrant me putting you in the ground and not losing a winks winks sleep over it you've got it fucking coming so none of that worked then he took to the internet and then I warned him several times I said if you keep trying to tarnish my name and pretending that you're this good guy I'm gonna announce what you've done to me and I listed it to him you're aware of what you've done you're aware that what you've done is illegal and evil and you will go to jail if I decide to go to the police about that fucking hell he just went even more he just didn't even stop double that yeah mate oh I just this is when I got to know him it's like wow and this is a bloke who was in his fifties at the time the energy well you must remember like like a man possessed on in videos wouldn't he and that's him 24-7 365 so I put a statement out it was it was in it was in written format of the first post on facebook my dad first abused me when I was seven eight nine whatever it was can't remember the the specific age now but first abuse was on a chart when I was a child by doing this he'd done that that that that and that I'm fed up of him thinking that he can still bully me I'm not a child anymore I'm happy to take this to the police if needs be I'm happy to fucking smash the granny out of him whatever it takes to stop this man from interfering and trying to sabotage anything good in my life I know I keep flicking back but I had a girlfriend when I was around the 15 16 age as well because we was in the same sunny mead flat he told me well after she left well in fact the police come and collected her her mum found out that her daughter was staying at Peter Gillette's house in Crawley before you know blues and twos outside they've escorted her home he says to me the next day he went here your slag girlfriend showed out to me I said what's that yeah fucking took her top off when you weren't looking showed out to me just we could we could unbox that and go further into it but you get the gist like there's so many things that he's done so many outlandish outrageous things lies as well all lies and he's done it to so many different families knocked on the door to someone who I won't mention his name he'd love to come around because he's got plenty to say about him I need to tell you about your wife showed out to me we were sunbathing she pulled her she pulled her fingers to the side showed me her pussy absolutely destroyed him because he looked at my old man as a you know uncle Pete lies just a prolific compulsive liar anything to say to destroy another man's equilibrium horrendous individual so he carried on he doubled down and then I put my live feed out and I announced it I said right I'm gonna go live I watched it I was fucking mad that I watched that man yeah that is crazy that's like what six seven years ago yeah yeah because again the whole thing on the on the internet that went on for years before you were at the height of it though you had hundreds of thousands of people and it was getting shared yeah so you had a backing and people were supporting you which must have made it a little easier knowing you had support yeah and I I mean I owed it to myself but I also owed it to people that were putting their their cock on the block it's like well if you're gonna stick up for me you need to know that I'm being totally honest because there's nothing worse than a charlatan and a confidence trickster that's gonna feed you bullshit you know but I had nothing to gain that's the thing that's what like there was no financial gain there was no reward it wasn't gonna shoot me to fame and fortune it was kill it destroying me it was killing the business it was killing my mental health it was consuming my my every thought it was just a terrible time so I went live and this is the bit that really fucked him that really fucked him I said I didn't want to do this but you've seen it so you may remember it and I'm sort of power phrasing because I can't remember what I said word for word but I went through a list and I had a letter in my hand that my dad hand wrote me it was even 96 or 97 no 96 he hand wrote me this letter calling me a Judas and on the he sealed the letter and drew a snake on it and he called me a Judas because I told my mum and my nan that I'd been taking heavy mind-altering drugs for a considerable length of time with my dad and it's really harmed me I think I was well with my rights to do that like I felt like there was no way out at all from that and you know how powerful like all them drugs are mixed together and you put it in the mind of the young that's not even you know I wasn't even developed yet you can't be giving drugs to someone with an undeveloped mind it's just fucking terrible and he's sent me this big long letter threatening me yeah this, yeah that he said one day you'll probably stand in the dock and testify against me the irony of that but yeah sent me this horrible letter not remorseful not I'm sorry you know we've done that together in hindsight maybe I shouldn't have done that I didn't realise it would affect you this badly you know I'm accustomed to heavy drugs because I've taken them all my life I didn't think it would have the same effect on it could have said anything but he didn't he was the victim and I was the I was the bad person for for coming clean and I needed to come clean otherwise I'd be a junkie mate I'd be dead now if I followed in his footsteps I'll be dead he ended up in a coma he OD'd on when he got on the heroin he got into it heavy banging it up in his in his groin any vein he could find ended up OD'ing was in a coma for seven days that's another story I won't go into because I know it's dragging on but uh yeah the catalogue of fucking atrocities that man has committed is just beyond belief so this is what fucked him I put the live feed out this is what he'd done to me and I said wherever he goes there's accusations that he's fond of young girls I said people keep telling me I've had a friend of his for life concerned that he's spending too much time with her granddaughter and she's 13 so these are things I'm finding out at the time so I'm just putting him out there and then a memory come back to me and I said and remember you was caught in the bath with G's daughter so G was this girlfriend he had at the time who was older than him and I didn't remember the girl's name who was like my stepsister at the time I was nine she was 13 I said remember the time you got caught in the bath with a 13 year old G's daughter said that was one of the things I said then I riled it off with about you know you fucking putting your cock out in front of me wanking it off sucking my tongue showing me pornography feeding me my daughter in drugs and you're pretending that you're a fucking decent person you're a fucking pig and uh and I'm now coming for you I said I'm now coming for you and you know when you said was there a time I thought this is too much I said I don't care if I lose everything like I'm coming for you I get an inbox message I can say her name Natasha she's publicized it anyway so it's again it's in the public domain she sent me a direct message saying Liam I can help put your demons to rest my old man wanted to go on the Jeremy Cole show do a live detector how was his response it's like yeah of course fucking low-level brains of a rocking horse you want me to humiliate myself even further and go on the Jeremy Cole show like are you out your mind so I sort of dismissed that stupid fucking idea of his which he knew I would have done anyway which then he can he can then go back to his half-wit audience and say see he won't come and do a live detector on the Jeremy Cole show he's lying it's like yeah this is this is a lot bigger than the Jeremy Cole show mate this is serious business so Natasha has inboxed me said Liam I can put your demons to sleep I hope you remember me I was like your big sister boom boom boom and I said yeah of course I remember you like you know how you doing and she said give me a call I gave her a call and she said what I've got to say isn't really for it really isn't for the phone you know are you free at all and I said well yeah like come over at the weekend this is where I live she come over hadn't seen her for fucking hell 30 years and uh we're sitting there chatting and she sat on this sofa here I'm sat on my sofa there my usual chair she come out of it now you have to remember I didn't notice your dad first raped me when I was 13 your dad first raped me when I was 13 and my stomach it dropped like I was on a roller coaster I'm like right okay you're gonna need to go into into more detail because that's fucking hit me like a steam train and you have to remember I now know that he's a scumbag I I know all the things he's tried to do to me to sabotage my life I know the things that he's accused a lot of people of doing that aren't true anybody falls out with they're a nonce they're a sex case they're this they're that the other and I need it to ascertain for my own peace of mind that what Natasha's telling me is legitimate she said my husband saw in the newspaper what's going on online because as soon as I put that live feed out it was in the fucking Daily Mail the Mirror of the Sun all the all the papers jumped on it because with my old man you can always put the cray link in there it's a great bit of clickbait boom and she said he said to Natasha her husband you know now maybe the time to come forward and say what Pete had done to you so she said this is what I'm doing and I'm prepared to go to the police and take this all the way because it's damaged me it never leaves me I've thought about it every day since he's done it I can still smell him on me he still repulses me and when I see him on the internet as bold as brass as he is I find it utterly sickening that he thinks he's some kind of supreme being this this act that he's a messiah when he's a child rapist I was 13 when he first raped me and it hit me like a fucking steam train and I asked more questions and I asked them again and I sort of went around the houses and asked it in a different way and I was absolutely 100% satisfied that my dad was a rapist and it doesn't matter if you've got scented candles and Barry Manilow playing in the background you sleep with a 13 year old as a fully grown man you're a rapist and in his tiny mind he probably thinks because he didn't jump out of a bush with a balaclava that he's the victim because he thought she wanted to do that and that was but the general consensus was he made her fall for him again at the time Big Peter Gillette in the newspapers every day off the back of a reality show Reggie Craze right our man big personality loves I now know all of this I have looked in I've dissected that dog like you wouldn't believe because you've got to know you've got to know the enemy and he loves vulnerability he can home in on that and he can take full control and he can take you snatch your mind and that's it you're like Pinocchio and he's Giuseppe you're the puppet on his string and he continued to to rape her for a considerable length of time and she didn't realize it because she was so young he obviously thought he's Peter Gillette narcissists 101 he can do what he likes so she come forward she was prepared to go and make a make a full statement which she did so did her friend now I've never met her friend or spoke to her friend so I don't feel I'm in a position to even mention anything to do with what happened to her but there was three of us that went to court to give evidence against the the sexual and cruel crimes that he'd done to us and there was seven other witnesses so there was ten in total and it's funny I mean it's anything but funny but you know what I mean the viewing gallery was full to the brim every day the viewing gallery was full to the brim every day not one person was there for my old man all these little Klingons that he had and there's one in particular see I want to write a book because there's so much more to it and there's one person in particular who if I mention his name I get arrested I've been told categorically you mention his name you're even near him in the street and this is a guy that thinks he's an absolute gangster I've been to his work I've been to his doorstep he runs straight to the police but very very verbal online very verbal to people what he's gonna do to me but when push comes to shove I've even offered money he stuck his nose in business which had nothing to do with him but I'm not gonna give him any more airtime but I never want to throw another punch again for as long as I live I've lived a rough and ready life I've worked the door for years I've had fucking all sorts of dramas and all I want to do now if I'm gonna lay my hands on somebody it's gonna be to give him a cuddle I never want to throw another punch again this one individual who will know who I'm talking about and everyone watching this that know the story will know this clown that's the key word can't say his name he's one person that I would probably give my life savings to have 10 minutes in a room with him no holds barred with no consequence of jail that's another story and if I explained it in detail you would fully understand but going back to the dog how was it for you in court like listening all right about your dad even though you say you listened you loved him and was your dad there's no doubt that there've probably been good moments moments that you thought he cared moments that you thought he was protecting you no realising the extent but how was it actually listening to it the fucking non-shit the bad stuff the evil of a man like how did that affect you it was it was horrendous and I've done a fair bit of self-medicating throughout all of that you know you'd say you'd see me doing a live feed I'd have a glass of wine wait wait all the time I've got to start yeah I had to have some kind of something to switch me off but I didn't take the piss and go over the top because I needed my wits about me so I had to find a balance of so I still made sure I was exercising but hearing all that stuff about my dad and knowing it was true because if the people that come forward that went to court that testified that led to a unanimous guilty decision didn't convince me that he was guilty there are two other people that have come forward that there is absolutely indisputable I know for a fact he has done what he's done which he's serving time for now he's done a lot worse there's a there's a there's a there's another who was a young girl at the time who has come forward and she's quite keen on on speaking out she's got no problem either I won't say her name but he kicked her down the stairs and she's got brain damage kicked a female down the stairs that do you know what that cunt needs to f***ing died and he let's be honest he's a dog he's a f***ing pig do you know he gets me angry thinking about him he gets me angry thinking about him he's a vile human being but there's one other person which I just cannot it's not my story but what he done he doesn't deserve to breathe he's guilty of sin he's done far more than what the public know certainly than what the what he'll ever let on and what the court heard but the court heard enough to give him 18 years in fact you know it's like you get your concurrent sentences you get your consecutive years on top I tell you what mate when I was sitting in that court listening to the I got kicked out as well he's sitting there doing this to me as he's in the uh as he's in as he's in the dock mate I tell you a few things about the child that will blow your mind he sacked his brief he sacked his brief after I got cross-examined and this is what they tried to do to me they tried to pull on my heart strings so I'm up in the dock and they tried to say to me oh you know have a barrier so that you haven't got a you haven't got to see him I'm like no way I've been waiting two years to look at this fucking animal there's no way you're blocking it I want to look at him straight in the eye because he's been avoiding me if he was innocent and he's this big gangster the second I put out on the internet that he's a nonce why isn't he knocking on my door now there's a good reason I didn't go knocking on his door because he's a grass and I'm all for dealing with things in-house apart from sex cases they've got to go to jail they have to go to jail you give them a slap you put them in the hospital you break a few bones you do whatever bones heal and they're still free to roam manipulate and destroy lives they've got to be they've got to be put in a cage in my opinion so I live by a certain code I won't involve the law in things that they don't need to be involved in plus I don't get in situations like that anyway I'm into two things making love and making money and other than that I've got no interest in beef but I still wouldn't go to the police for something that could be sorted out in-house but if you're a sex case and you've been doing things like that it's jail that you belong so we'll let the legal system deal with you but listening to the stuff in court was horrendous and when they cross-examined me they put me this was the little trick that they'd done put me in the dock and there's a big TV screen that there is one funny story I will share with you but they've put pictures of me and my dad up me and him together in happier times when I was a kid and he was on the ferry coming back from Parkhurst on Homeleave there was another one of me and him cuddling each other it's like yeah of course there's going to be a few pictures there's not hundreds there's maybe a handful he fucking managed to get all of them didn't he put them up there and I got up there and I'm looking at them and I'm composing myself and as I walk through the court as well I had to walk right in front of him and I just did not stop looking at him and then when they've got me in there I knew what they were going to do I knew what his barrister was going to do he's Mr Gillette that's you and your father in more happier times and I said I know what you're going to say I said and I'm going to answer you before you even ask the question you see that and I spoke just like this my cousin will confirm he saw the whole trial I said you see that piece of shit there I said I still love him I can't help it I still get a feeling in my stomach I despise and loathe him at the same time but I can't help loving him he's my biological father and he was once my hero so you can show me all the pictures in the world it isn't going to change that and you're going to want to tell me that I love him and that I've seen ZXY and Z so which one's true they're both true I can't help but love him and I wish I didn't but I don't love him enough not to stand here and testify against him because what he's done is disgusting and he needs to go to jail for what he's done so have we cleared that up because they wanted to pull on my heart strings and fucking break me meet your lawyer yeah they wanted to because I saw what because the whole trial was played out online so I knew like my dad's tactic you love me I left him a voice note once fucking hell he kept it didn't he it was after his dad's funeral I was out my nut totally off my fucking tits to anyone that's been off their tits before which is everyone they will listen to my voice note and they will know it's the ramblings of a man that's had one too many and it's probably the only time I've said something nice to my dad and he caught it and he published it to make it look like I'm a liar why you wouldn't say this to your to your abuser once you learn about abuse because I looked into it other people that have you know like what I think what what I endured is minor in the scheme of things and I'm aware of that and like I said to you earlier I'm not a victim and I'm not a survivor I just jump over hurdles when they come in front of me if anything I'm a conqueror but I'm no I don't like them I don't like them labels I just had a situation and I dealt with it and I encourage everybody else to do the same get out of the victim mentality get out of the survivor mentality like you didn't survive anything you conquered it bam but they tried to pull on my heart strings it didn't work then we went on from there and then oh he stormed out at one stage as well stormed out then stormed out the out the fucking out of his thingy in the dock pretended to pass out to extend the trial it was it was a two-week trial went on for three weeks the judge just let him say what he wanted to he's singing he's gyrating his hips when Natasha said that his eyes were evil he walked up to the jury said that my eyes were evil shown him all his eyes fucking hell mate off his nut the bloke he sacked his brief after I got cross-examined I was very honest I was very to the point to the point I got pulled out actually at one stage and said look just answer the questions because I kept asking the brief questions I said what would you do in this situation and so the detective was running it come out and said look just don't ask them questions you're there to answer them I'm like yeah but it's so frustrating because all my dad's doing is lying he's trying to tarnish people he's trying to he's slinging mud and he's lying so frustrating so the biggest emotion was anger then where were we how are you feeling once you got these 18 strikes how did that feeling did you know straight away he was getting a guilty are you nervous do you know yeah we were all a bit nervous because there was so because if it gets away with it your life's fucked yeah that's the thing oh yeah I knew that this was you know this is this is make or break but once remember I said that there's that there's that one there's that one thing you've done to that one person I'd never let that go I wish I could fucking say it but it isn't my story to tell but was that a kid yeah yeah was it kids as young as he I was at papers was it 13 he's got a he's got a he's got a type vulnerable teenagers that's his uh but that's all sex cases kind of yeah vulnerable people who totally see the weakness they draw the weakness this broken family slides in manipulate the mum and dad like I've had many people on you say they don't just manipulate the kids it said mum and dad's first and they don't they don't actually make their move straight away they can wait a year two years oh yeah and so they feel as if it's a great moment for them yeah and that's exactly right because he is he's got no he's never had an organic platonic friendship or relationship or even connection there's always a hidden agenda he is a manipulator if there's something that's got if there's got to be something in it for him what a fucking terrible way to to live your life but when he when he got the 18 and again he can because it sounds so outlandish when i'm saying it sacked his brief represented himself then he has to have a solicitor there just to sort of guide him in front of the judge he slapped this solicitor on the head give him a benny boy pat on the head said you can't get the staff these days it's like mate you're on trial for raping children and you're fucking you're slapping the solicitor on the head saying you can't get the staff these days gospel true story sounds unbelievable who's the only other person that you know that sacked their brief Ted Bundy is that level sacked his brief he was warned i wouldn't do this if i were you it's a big mistake narcissism can't control it so all of you so i'll tell you about the sentences all of you in gallery there none of them were for my dad not one of his friends not one of his followers not not even any of his witnesses the few witnesses he had that that were in the dock for half an hour who make out they were at the trial it's like no no no you stood in the dock for 30 minutes of a three-week trial you wasn't there like you got asked a few questions the judge even said to you what are you doing here we're not here for your opinion we need evidence the dickhead who i was who i've mentioned if i could get my hands on i'd give my life savings for he was like well i'm here because i think whoop whoop whoop it's like yeah you're not here for your opinion if you can't provide evidence or an alibi or anything that you know that's conducive to Pete's innocence you've got no reason to be here off you go fuck clown the bloke total wally so and the reason that my dad didn't have anybody there is because that so nobody could have heard everything that was said he can lie to them this is what happened today leave the bits out he doesn't want them to hear but we all heard it there was it was a full house an absolute full and i'm sure people will jump in the comments on this podcast and uh they'll confirm that which is the beauty of it so the sentencing's come and if we're all on this it's very especially when your emotions are running higher and we couldn't believe what he was let loose to say never once did did the judge or anyone say upright order you can't say that he was just bam literally everybody in there he was throwing mud at them like making up lies about them just tarnishing their character as if as if they weren't credible it's like yeah it doesn't work like that mate like you're on trial not not not these other people and uh so anyway jury went out we're sitting there and because we couldn't believe what he was allowed to say and get away with we were like wow I mean who knows which way this is gonna go now the jury have to be a certain amount of time deliberating they had to be fucking kept in the room they made their mind up pretty quick so like we're all thinking fuck me they must have had it in their heads already this bloke like he says has even been set up and he said so a list of things that he come out with that because he was an anti-Islamic uh blogger if you like Muslims had paid me to set him up that was one of his lines of defence I paid the CPS I paid the witnesses I'd knobbled the jury so does anybody believe this fucking asshole anybody with half a brain would go pfft of course I would laugh but not through yeah because you think he's funny just because of the him feinting and I don't I would I would I'll probably laugh at that going home tonight a fucking fucking silly bastard ah and you know what more will come back to me but because I know time's ticking and I don't want to fucking stretch this out longer I'm sort of trying to keep it as short as possible but there's so much it's why I need to write a book yeah I need to write a book and I think it'd be good fairy before you as well yeah this will you'll go home today maybe a bit drained but you'll feel a lot lighter and you'll think because this is that's heavy stuff yeah go against your dad and then thinking part of you might think and are you making it up odd you lying because that's how good he would have been do you know what when you say that so let me say so that's the that's the final chunk so when he got sentenced sorry when the jury have come in and uh have you made your decision yeah so there was eight seventeen charges fifteen maybe whatever but there was there was multiple charges against him and so rattling off the charges guilty guilty unanimous guilty guilty the ones I mean yeah the big ones were for Natasha I think the bits he done to to me he got I think maybe 18 months now for the the wanking his cock off in front of me guilty for the giving me drugs which they class that as child cruelty guilty for sucking sucking the tongue not guilty that's what he got he's in the dock he's just been giving guilty he's just been giving he's been giving multiple guilties for all the things he's done raping a 13 year old child when he got on not guilty for sucking my tongue he's done this see he went Facebook when I was lying about that now Facebook will know he's lying about that it's like Pete you've just been found guilty for all these other crimes unthinkable but that's his mind's mental so he got all these guilties and I'm thinking fucking hell this is surreal and everyone's sort of cheering and there's a bloke in the back great he's shot out broken like there was a lot of hate for him in there because they saw it all like he fooled a lot of wallies on the internet but you can't full room full of people with half a brain and how was that for you as well don't even know you've got the result you wanted but still you're fucking it's such a I can't imagine it but I can get the just of it with him being the manipulator but you still because you're a good guy with the mother I love and the grandma love there's no love like that that's why women women run this world because the loving they give the buff and how the the kid grows and the everything how it operates and that we are providing protectors always believe that I'm old school like saying the women in the house with the baby the baby shouldn't be took away from her mother but you've got that not feminine love but you've got that you've got that other love the way a woman should love and the way a man should love as well but we're quite rough and ready but how was that when you felt people shouting at your dad was there any I know it's such a weird question but was there any remorse or sadness actually for the cunt well this is that this is this this is the sequence of how it went so it got the guilt is then it was sentencing on the same day so we've got asked to leave straight away straight away sentencing yet so we've then come back in and he's looking at me doing this and I stood up and I said you're fucking that Mr Gillette but like so got asked to leave the court and uh then they said you're gonna can't see yeah I'm gonna calm down I'm cool sorry so you gotta remember this is this is years in the making and I know he's fucking a bad man this is you know this is retribution this is justice and I'm just overwhelmed but I will chill so they brought me back in now he's being sentenced this crime this amount of months this amount of years seven for that nine consecutive I'm thinking fucking hell it was like 37 38 years but all consolidated to 18 years I'm sitting there thinking fucking I'm never gonna park on the double yellow line again for fucking when the law comes for you they don't play games and again this will sound out landish it'll sound like a lot of people I see on podcasts that they sit there and as they get into their story the fucking nose just gets longer and longer it's all gospel as he's getting his sentences dished out he's going to the judge give me life if you want just give us life I don't care give us life I'm gonna appeal it anyway give me life just dismissive lunatic behavior didn't care maybe he did care but he certainly didn't portray himself as a man that did particularly care on the day probably bravado and so after that you know it's like you can imagine the like you've been running off nervous energy for it's been going on for years I've not even told you how he ended up getting reminded we'll come back to it it's you'll love it though let me tell you you're like this fucking bloke this is like and this is a bloke that sits there on the internet looking into his phone telling people are you fucking thick it's like right Pete let me tell people how you got reminded one of his bowel conditions was you cannot go near any of the victims period you cannot go even X amount of distance of the victims he's then gone on Facebook and said you had an interesting meeting last night of a new friend of mine yeah new legal friend of mine blah blah blah and I've learnt a few things this that and the other very smug he was as well for someone who's got nothing to be smug about never achieved a thing in his fucking life I sort of gauge my achievements on how many people I've helped in life and I fucking I love it and that's what I get a massive buzz of it he hasn't helped anyone he's wrecked everyone but for someone to fucking unaccomplished you know I have a smug cunt so he's put this video out yeah my new legal friend and boom boom boom and I've learnt a thing or two next day he's put a video out he's in East Grinstead he's a hundred yards from my house he's going fucking smells like shit around here smells like shit where am I big signpost King Center exactly where he is King Center East Grinstead smells like shit around here obviously for my benefit a postman's walking past he said here mate said can you smell that shit he said no he said oh can you tell me what the day is today he went yeah he said what what date he said and what time is it he said oh yeah cheers bruv thanks mate he went yeah fucking smells like shit around here stopped his video posted it it's like you've you've just gone and grassed yourself up you're where you shouldn't be it's part of your bow condition that you're not allowed to go near any of the victims you're pretty much on my doorstep antagonizing me on video and you've got someone to confirm the time and the date and the day you absolute imbecile so uh I didn't think anything of it the detectives called me up and said yeah just to let you know you know we've we've called Peter back in and he's on remand like yeah fucking brain brains have written not only does he go and try and rob a fucking post office that's closed fucking old spider it's closed we've got a chip he's got no luck with the post office mate postman post office exactly yeah there you go there's there's there's the link so uh yes I don't so sorry I had to squeeze that one in there that's okay it's hilarious it's comical but he's uh so yeah so he got sentenced and then we've all gone across the road add a beer but then after that that's when that's when my mind started playing games on me oh so just second guessing yourself Witcher you know I know everything I said to the letter was was gospel I believed the other witnesses wholeheartedly I know for a fact the other people that come forward were telling the absolute truth one of them were too petrified to go the full distance and they've had enough trauma in their life to last them a lifetime already prime pickings for my old man very vulnerable but I'm walking around I stayed in the hotel for a few nights I uh everyone that was there that supported me I said come on we're gonna go and we're gonna go and have a drink we're gonna go to Tumbridge Wells I booked everyone a room we're gonna sit up and you know drinks were on me thanks for being here and everyone was so pleased I mean because a lot of people that were there certain in the viewing gallery have known him for years and they they know that he is a monster if you think the amount of years he spent in prison the amount of chaos he's caused in the short spurts of time that he's been out is fucking unbelievable it's uh yeah you've got someone like Charles Bronson who's still in jail you've had someone like my old man who should be in jail that's not in jail insane but then my mind started playing games with me did you know that that's your dad Liam did you do the right thing and then instantly of course you've done the right fucking thing is it you know you no one gets away with that it's you know it's fundamentally wrong it's disgusting what he's done and so after my mind playing played tricks with me in a sense of was everything I said accurate did I miss anything did I did I did I put any any vat on top did I add any meat to the bone I had a real stewards inquiry questioned myself to the to the detail until I was then satisfied that I'd done everything above board correct and I can sleep well at night and he is where he belongs to be and it wasn't long before I was just disappointed he didn't get life because he'll come out and he'll wreak havoc again but he's credibility short to Fox I wouldn't even give that a second thought he's fucked he's well fucked yeah he's fucked he was in Lewis right and I had friends in there he'll be buzzing off us oh he will look this this attention will he will absolutely love it he'll be signing autographs in Albany yeah come on to the same English pop-up yeah how many do you want do you want one for the family he will he's come so he's come down to go court one day so you've got the you've got the meat wagon got a load of lads down here all from Brighton Way and you've got him come down gets a squirted down by himself obviously he gets looks after being a nonce and they're all shouting at him fucking Peter you sex case you're coming under at your nonce oh man's going to them all you shut your mouth you're fucking muggy goes you'll all see the truth when you read my book it's like no mate you wrote your book in court the story didn't stick all your book is going to be is your bullshit version of events again he could never write a book and he was going to buy your book he could never write a book criminals criminals can't even write books and now and a whole anyway because they make money from crime never mind the sex case so you'll never be able to write a book he'll have no credibility whatsoever he would need to move from here because people he'll be a target oh fucking absolutely but is there still a worry for you that he could come out and start all his manipulation tactics again do you know what I'm not just saying this because there's nothing worse than seeing someone on a podcast flexing I'm more worried for him because there's now children that live with me and a woman that I love dearly that I would take a bullet for he comes anywhere near anywhere near I think that anyone's in danger it ain't gonna be good for him so if anything I'm I'm more worried for him he's best just to come out shut his mouth fuck off and lock himself in a hole and consider himself lucky he's still breathing where's it? late 60s now 64 on the king's coronation oh you said that keep it a ground here it'd be celebrating like it's his day he'll think there's a link he'll go yeah cool stay made on the 6th of May obviously he will how hard does it but for you Liam just to kind of go through all that and with your Dad Who he is is an evil man like who has that for you to deal with afterwards that did it come ahead at any point you thought fuck me Look, this is this is heavy of you kind of just dealt with through your laughter and dancing and kind as if zero fucks give a mentality Well, no when the cameras walking that who would really are but was there a moment for you ever just went that's heavy well The full answer to that Which I'm hoping anyone that watches this can get a bit of strength from it and put things into perspective and I know that you're gonna you'll understand this There's not been a moment in time Not a split second that I wasn't acutely aware That this is fucking heavy This is serious business and I was I've always been acutely aware that this is damaging and could really really Really send my mental health spiraling and it would do I think a lot of people it would it would bring them to their knees But With the singing in the dark not singing the dancing in the jokes and the mucking about that is actually me by default. That's not That's not a mask like because I've had such Because I've had so much shit thrown at me That I've learned not to take too much too serious and I love a laugh on a joke But I fucking live for laughing. I just do so that's not I mean, it's certainly a it's a remedy and it's a cure And it's you know, it's it's it's the best medicine there is Laughing and joking but my mrs. Will will tell you I'll be laying in bed sometimes and With due to go to sleep and I'll start fucking laughing And I'll start laughing about something that's just popped into my head and I can't control it and everyone's wide awake It's like fucksake Liam. It's like I just I don't know. I've got a good funny bone in me Which is a blessing I get that but I've always been aware That it's heavy duty and I've got to be careful And I've got to watch myself and monitor the situation No when to hold and when to fold and when to walk away When to take a breath when to analyze things also look inward like I do a lot of that I don't I'm not into the blame game. So when I go forward Like I have done for him. It's because I have Analyze me. I have thought is this Is this the right thing to do am I 100% certain have I done anything wrong? But the but the full answer is That I tell you how I dealt with it in my humble opinion as well as I did Don't get me wrong. There was moments. I cried my eyes out like a baby but I Lost my nan 13 years ago 14 years ago and as I sit here now. I don't accept a day of it It hurt me more than You could ever imagine I laid next to a dead body until the coroner got there playing with her hair She was the love of my life her and my mum. I mean, I can't I can't put it into words How much I adored my man? I fucking love her with every fiber of my being And when I lost her, there's still called a nanski. There's a nanski shaped heart missing hole Missing in my heart and it's never gonna recover So when you've been through that level of pain Nothing else can really hurt you if that makes sense So I'd already been to my deepest darkest saddest loneliest traumatic place before this happened so It wasn't my first rodeo. I've been not it's certainly not the same thing, but I've been through Serious trauma before and I know some people handle death differently and accept it And they think they're gonna go to a better place and I'll see him again and me bollocks It fucking killed me and it still hurts now. It cuts like a knife Which is very unfortunate for my old man because every tactic that he tried and every low blow that he tried to pull It's like you're dealing with a man. That's been somewhere where I wouldn't wish on anybody I'm still hurting over that even through that feud Fucking I'm still grieving over my nan. So you're minor To a certain extent still heavy but I think once you've experienced pain Everyone's got their own pain their own different thing that hurts them the most that hurt me the most So nothing could touch me after that So I suppose I mean I'm certainly not grateful for ever losing my nan because it was unexpected Which is why I should tell people you love them if you love them because you never know Yeah, fucking my dad's brother died. I've got got the message today before I come here That's which is another reason my mind's all over the shop I mean our our weird stat the day we're doing the podcast. I knew it's obviously gonna be about You know the old man because the story was so wild Andrews died and he was a Poor poor boss. He really did have it hard He really had it odd locked in cupboards beat and black and blue Yeah, and I loved him and He was very pleased what I'd done. He was very very grateful that I'd Plucked up the strength to put that dog Where he belongs. So yeah, sorry as a long as a long-winded response to To the question that you asked but there's anyone watching this and they're going through some turbulence or you know They're feeling anxious or trepidation or uncertainty Whatever it may be. We're all vulnerable at times. We're all human beings just Either pinpoint your most traumatic time of your life and remember It ain't gonna get that hard again and Also, if you're swanning around like you're fucking mr. Big dick without a care in the world and you're arrogant and you're fucking You're punching down on people Because you haven't experienced any trauma Equally remember you're gonna get a phone call one day. It's gonna break your fucking heart and it's gonna humble you so Yeah, be nice. Yeah, I love that man like for you coming forward another those amazing women like that strength and abundance like you say You're not a survivor. You're a warrior man And that's what it takes like to go the extent you've been through and obviously when you're talking today This is a years and years about up Fucking years and years about up torment pain. I'm a right. I'm a wrong. Is he good guy. I'm a bad guy That that there is mentally fucking draining. Oh Never mind seeing the shit that you went through that's trauma in itself as well And even though thinking that's just a normal thing ain't fucking normal My dad was talking about these pecker out man. I think fucks a get it and dickhead fucking up and running as well It's like Mental but that's the Psychoponist world, but you've come through it and it's made you stronger that where do you go forward for the future brother? Future I I'm gonna write a book about the whole thing. I was meant to start at the beginning of the year. Why didn't you? I've had a few I've just been spinning too many plates. I've been I've been juggling too many things taking care of Other people Where really I should be I Mean one excuse is as good as another. I just haven't got the ball rolling yet. We was on holiday in Mexico, December Me and the Mrs. Greed January start writing the book and And I've also again, I have to be honest with myself What you write in the book for is it for new variety? Do you know do you want to be in the limelight? Or is it is it because you want to help other people and I've had to work that one out and I've got to be honest with myself and I'm very happy to say that He distracted me from so many years in my prime of doing great things Although putting him away is the greatest achievement of my life because I've saved lives Putting my father away is the greatest achievement of my life Because he's a wrecking machine and all he does is destroy anything that comes in his bath He's like a human hurricane. He's fucking evil. He's vile. You're always gonna get those questions I've done a homeless documentary and I was going through my changes right at the start and a question It was I doing it so I could get people to like me and think I was a good guy Yeah, they're doing it for the right reasons if I'm honest party was probably both right, but no matter I said this to an amazing woman and ribbon who owns Chrissie's house Which is a suicide center which I'm an ambassador for she says look James. It doesn't matter why you done it son You still done it. Yeah. Yeah, and I get that and I like yes It's refreshing to you say that because I had a little I had a little battle with that and I didn't I didn't want to do it For the wrong reason, but doesn't matter You're still doing it and that will then help others So it doesn't matter if it's a little bit attention little bit of fame little bit of this or that doesn't matter You're doing it because you're a fucking warrior and that's the main thing there same reason why I've done it doesn't matter Why you don't you don't it James fair play for doing that fucking respect massive massive respect, but yeah moving forward I'm just gonna keep making love making money and making people smile and if I can give back You know, we're all consumers in this world, you know, we're all happy to take take take take take, but there's something beautiful there's something powerful about giving back and So if I can if I can give if I can give if I can give more than I can take Then yeah, I've lived a fulfilled life and I and I feel like I've won so that's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna move forward Maybe set a plan up. I mean attention now is currency if I'm gonna if I'm gonna build a social media platform again I'm gonna have to fucking curb some of the things I come out with because Yeah, you've got to play the game Yeah, you have got to play the game and this is it like these things help because people then understand you It's not just the laughing and dancing man. Yeah, it's an understanders much more to your story fucking hell house He survived that. Why is he still going on? Why is he still smiling? But that's that that's it there that thing there because do you know what everybody on this planet struggles and Social media sometimes that I don't agree with social media all the time But it fucking saves people's lives. It's if it's one of them in it It's a double size lives, but there's some things people's assault of gotten a little motion motivational posts and stuff Yeah, I feel good for a couple of hours man Yeah, I get some not I get some nice messages I mean when I used to get thousands when it was when I was at a decent size one I still get nice messages and it still makes me feel nice. It's like yeah, I've I've done my job there I've put a smile on someone's face that needed it. I'm not too kid I'm not too fuss over a bit of small on someone's face. It doesn't need it. It's like yeah fair play I'm glad you enjoyed that but if you need it like that's sort of that that means something so yeah moving forward Work hard. I was gonna say play I'll maybe play a little bit less hard and just yeah focus on Focus on giving and moving forward and self-development. You got to keep looking after yourself I want to you know build a better body build a better mind Yeah, get get my cup right to the top so that everything that overflows I can give away Yeah, that's the one what about for anybody that's watching. It's maybe through something similar That's maybe too scared to speak out or feel embarrassed. They're ashamed or blame themself Like you that the mind is a mad thing how people react to certain traumas that go through as a kid But what advice would you give for anybody that it's maybe in that struggle and it doesn't know where to turn? The the advice is that The first turn you make is towards the mirror and you look at yourself and you remind yourself You're a good honest person and you're a victim of circumstance But shit can change if you change but you've got to make a move and I Know it's a lot easier said than done and Bravery is brave within itself, but you've just got to think Let me just take one brave step Tell somebody just tell one person get someone you trust get their advice Speak to someone get it off your chest Don't let it boil up until you have to start going to the doctors and taking fucking pills to make yourself happy or to get yourself to sleep Exercise That's a cure go for walks make a plan in your head what you're gonna do do not feel like you're responsible for the ill doings of another person because These fucking animals these predators they have a very good knack of making you feel like You're the guilty one Because they're powerful manipulators that it's it's in their DNA. It's built within them to to control Lead and steer you into you know making you feel like it's a dirty secret and you ought to blame if You know if you're vulnerable You know if you're feeling slightly off and you feel like you're one of the weaker ones of society By setting yourself free by speaking out To anybody Speak to a counselor ring the Samaritans Follow the right people on social media be careful who you listen to but be true to yourself and Come click the truth will set you free the truth will set you free and When you confront the bully You soon see how weak they are I've never met a strong bully in my life Never ever will you meet a strong bully? And if someone's got that power over you it's just because they've used certain words and Manorisms and body language and if you break it down, it's like what someone's words have affected me someone's movements have affected me It's it's it's just all nonsense. You got to remember your worth Remember, you're a long-time dead and you've got more years to come on the planet and the best years are gonna come as Soon as you realize You're not to blame you cannot blame yourself for somebody else's ill behavior Speak up speak out do it bit by bit whatever it takes you haven't got to go grand like I did Make a journal write down it all Document it speak to the fucking police if you've been a victim of some kind of Historical sexual abuse or even current or present and you feel like you don't want the world to know you know what? It's not you to blame. It's not you at fault and If anything if not for yourself Do it for the next potential victim That's what I've got to end it on if you haven't got what it takes to do it for yourself Have the empathy to do it to the next potential victim Because you don't want them to go through what you're going through and that will heal your heart and set you free Listen, I'm absolutely proud of you. Thanks for coming on today. Appreciate you having me mate. Nothing. I've enjoyed it Yeah, man lots of love your way to and I can't wait to read your book. Yeah, I can't wait to write it Smash it bro. God bless. Cheers, brother