 So this person asked me Why relationships are always hard? They've had a number of relationships and not one of them has been what they would call easy. There's always been challenges It's been emotionally Turbulent ups and downs lots and lots of drama. So why is it not easy? So it's a good question and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this question. Why are relationships difficult? Well really the answer for that is pretty simple And it's because relationships if they're going to work that is Require us to take 100% responsibility for our emotional projections on to the other person and To encourage or lead lead lead the way be an example to your partner for how that's done So that they too in turn will start to take responsibility for theirs So like ideally Okay, let me explain a little bit first. What do I mean by taking responsibility for your projections? well, it's kind of like you can have complaints about your partner, okay and some of it might be just something you observe and You verbalize that you tell them you give them that feedback and if you can do that in a calm way Where you're totally relaxed about it That's perfect. That's okay But you will notice more and more in relationship That if you notice something in your partner that bothers you and It really bothers you you have an emotional Reaction to the thing that they've done or the aspect of their personality or something that really bothers you It's highly probable That there's some aspect of that of what you're seeing that is a projection Some sort of a belief in yourself That you're not completely aware of and it's reflecting itself back to you in the relationship You'll know it's a projection if it's in highly emotionally charged Now this is this is not about what the person does that's right or wrong, etc It's just about taking responsibility for what you're projecting And that's a lot of work It requires a lot of work. It has to be a priority in the relationship so if you're blaming your partner for something and You're really upset about it You kind of have to look and say is there any aspect of this in myself that I've done now There's a process. There's actually a number of processes for how you can do that and how you can learn to do that so In a perfect world you'll be with someone in a relationship that will be willing to practice that with you to take on 100% percent I can talk 100% responsibility with you so they're taking responsibility for their stuff and you're taking responsibility for your stuff and you're talking about it together You've been really honest and open about it If you're not with someone like that it wasn't ready for that and you become aware that this is actually something we need The invitation here is for you to take the lead on this and to be the one to demonstrate this to start to say okay If I'm reacting with a huge emotional intensity, you know feelings of anger feelings of resentment Intense jealousy all those emotions I'm going to start taking responsibility for those in an open way with them and they will become Curious more than likely as to what's changed in you. What are you doing? This is interesting to me You're changing as a person and hopefully then they will start to do the same So to answer your question, I don't know if that's I hope that's a helpful answer But it's like why is it so difficult to have a happy peaceful relationship? Well, it's not easy to do this In fact, it's one of the last things in life We want to do is to to look at the aspects of ourselves that we don't like we don't want to admit to But on the other side of it on the other side of taking all this responsibility There's a lot of freedom and there's a huge amount of connection that comes in a relationship I love it a lot of peace a lot of peace to so You know kind of move away from the right and wrong game into the More understanding of each other game, which is a nice place to be in a relationship and it's very very rewarding So if you'd like to learn more about that you can you can contact me and I'll be happy to email you about it You can visit my website dr.DavidMiloney.com and Thanks for watching the video if you could like it and subscribe to the channel here. It would be a huge help I am a licensed therapist and psychologist So stay tuned for more of these videos Thanks for watching, and I'll see you again soon. Take care