 Hello there, lovers! This video finna be a mess! I'm sure if I had a podcast it would make perfect sense, but I don't. So it's gonna be a YouTube rant of you staring at my face as I try to piece together incoherent thoughts that I haven't really quite meshed together into a cohesive argument, but we're gonna just try anyways because that's a point of YouTube. You try stuff, you say it out loud, you get shot down, you learn from it, you grow, and life goes on. So that being said, I want to talk about Black Panther and Disclaimer. I talk about sex and relationships for a living, for anyone new to my channel who's confused as to why that is the theme that I'm choosing to focus on when there is so many themes discussed when it comes to that film. That would probably be a pretty good reason why. Okay, so let's address the elephant in the room, why you came here. I went to go see Black Panther on Friday and I thought, like everyone thought, fantastic, magnificent, transformative, and just overall really motherfucking cool. So I came home and I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who also happens to be like a social influencer and asked me, what did you think of the movie? And I said all of the aforementioned and then she said, well, didn't you think it was peculiar that there was none of us in the film? Us, Ares, Canadians, Slytherins, like I just wasn't sure and she was like, no, lighter skinned people. And I was like, no, I didn't think that was peculiar at all. It's not it's not your film. It's not your film. I think some of the bizarre dichotomy that comes with blackness is the devil edged sword that many people, myself included, often face that I have come to accept and embrace as opposed to fight against is that there is the one drop rule that occurs where, you know, historically, if you're mixed with any kind of black, you are considered a part of the black community that doesn't necessarily apply for most other ethnic or even religious groups, but in the black community and specificity, it can tend to be very inclusive. But the truth of the matter is not everyone's experience is truly the black experience. My experience is not truly the black experience. You guys have seen what my parents look like before. I again come from Canada. So I'm definitely not the black American experience. I am a humble servant and a massive fan and someone who has the great benefit of being included when it makes sense. I also have the responsibility to see myself out when it doesn't make sense. And I think Black Panther was a prime example of a time that it didn't make sense. It wasn't my story or many lighter skinned people or mixed people's story to tell. It was a story of people who have gone through great oppression, who blackness isn't an awesome thing they get to throw on and be in the world. And this was an opportunity for a beautiful but underrepresented portion of the black community who is the heart of the black community to have their story told and to be put on top of the stage and for that to be enough. And it was. It was absolutely more than enough. So I was watching Chris Rocks stand up the other day and he was talking about how in a marriage you have to both be the lead singers in times and the tambourine player. You have to know how to trade between either. I think that black community with its inclusiveness, with its open arms also has to adopt that same policy. There are going to be times where you have the Obamas and some people are playing tambourine and then there's going to be times when you have the Black Panthers and people like myself and a bunch of others have to not only play the tambourine, but make sure everybody in the back has enough water, has to roll up the curtain and more importantly has to sit in the audience and be comfortable with that position, has to clap enthusiastically and not envision themselves in that role, but be grateful that there are people with such deep, beautiful, rich history who are able to share a perspective that you probably don't have. I want to take a second to jump back, which I told you guys this video would be all over the place, to really explain what attractiveness is and it's pretty much based on three principles. Number one is health. We're attracted to peoples whose genes look sustainable, who looks like they're going to be around for quite some time. The second thing is symmetry. We're attracted to things that look the same. Our brain feels very satisfied. We get this rush of dopamine when we see something that has two sides that are pretty much equal. And there's also about ratios, like hip to waist ratio, again because it might signify like someone's ability to successfully undergo birth. And then addition to that is facial ratios. It goes like forehead to nose, nose to top of lip and lip to chin. I don't match up with this ratio. Some of you have called me horse face in the past, which I guess isn't too far off, but by and large, those are the main things that we naturally look for when it comes to attractiveness and suitableness for a mate. There has never been a neuroscientist in all the land who has discovered that humans are actually attracted to people with lighter skin, lighter eyes, lighter hair. All of those attributes that mainstream society has come to appraise and appreciate are social constructs. There's this great TED talk by a supermodel who talks about that she is the beneficiary of thousands of years of social conditioning that put her on the pedestal of what beauty is. She went into the beauty lottery because not because she did anything or because she was born with extraordinary features, but just because society had been telling a story with her in the leading role for so many years that when she was born, she just slid right into that position. What's wonderful about the internet and the ability to be our own program director when it comes to the stimulus that we take in is that we can literally rewrite the script on what beautiful is. We can actually define beauty by our own individual standards and preferences as opposed to what's being fed to us daily, but in order to do that, you have to change the channel a lot. You have to seek out role stimulus art that puts you in the leading role and allows you to see yourself as beautiful, as worthy, and as desirable. I think what was really beautiful about Black Panther is that opening scene where Lapidus see on camera for the first time and the main character freezes. And when I saw that magical moment on camera, it made me so happy and grateful that that content was there in a mainstream way for the people who need it the most and the people who deserve it the most, for beautiful dark black women who rarely get to see themselves in that light and need to do it more often. And it made me hopeful that many will continue to change the channel to find more moments like that, to find more people who look like you treated the way that you are meant to be treated, seen in the light that you were born to walk in. And I don't believe in a monoculture. So I don't necessarily think that any one person should change all their stimulus so that they only see themselves, their opinion, their perspective, and their face, you know, in various different mediums and forms. But I do believe in like a 75-25 split. The majority should be affirming that you are important, wonderful, powerful, necessary. And the other 25 should be about curiosity. I think that we learn and we grow when we hear the stories of others. And for me, seeing Black Panther, for example, was seeing and experiencing the story of other and getting to benefit from that while also giving praise and credit where it is due and it's not necessarily due in this direction. And that's a part of the wonderful factor of being a human and being on this planet is that we can empathize and that we can lift others up without waiting and having our hand in the wings that we can also join them because sometimes it's okay to be at the bottom and it's a great view from there anyways. So I feel if you're watching this and I know the majority of my audience tends to be Black women and there's a responsibility that I have in being I'm sorry you guys have a phone call. Anyways, I want to wrap this video up. I think my hope for the next while because it's necessary for everything to go in waves is that we take the trend that has begun here and continue it that there should be more opportunities for Black people who carry the story and the history and the full experience of Blackness to be able to tell their story their way and for everyone to listen and for everyone to be grateful to listen without looking for themselves and then experience and acknowledging that doesn't have to be about you in order for you to gain something from it and that might mean for some time people who look like me and maybe who are darker or different but anybody who assimilates themselves as being lighter skinned or being mixed culturally playing the tambourine for a while and if you find yourself in a casting room or if you find yourself trying to tell the story or take up the space of a Black woman's experience maybe don't one or number two share the stage. I saw recently an award show where a woman who doesn't look massively dissimilar for me went on to talk about the experience of Blackness and while it was beautiful and it was really well done and awesomely said I couldn't help but think did you read about this somewhere not that it can't be your experience but it's not your total experience and while you can have moments of that and parts of that you should also be inclusive to invite others on stage don't tell someone else's story don't try to steal someone else's light be comfortable with that tambourine or be comfortable in the audience and that's what Black Panther really resonated for me and I think it encouraged me if anything to try to find more ways to shine the light on beautiful Black women who are telling the story in its full complexity and need to be heard. So in the comment section below I'm going to list different sexual educators and relationship educators that are Black and that I think are spent or fantastic special and fantastic fantastic. I also want to hear from you and your individual vertical whatever lane that you are in or whatever thing that you're passionate about who is a Black woman that you're like yes they deserve attention they need to be listened to they need to be praised need to be adored write them in the comment section below.